More than meets the eye
by Azucuache
Summary: The story starts right prior the game, shows you my character Raven as she comes aboard the Endire Spire and continues throughout the game. Enjoy.
1. Endire Spire

Disclaimer: Kotor belongs to Bioware, not me (unfortunately)

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><p>"I don't know, Jasmine. It all seems a little hasty," I shrugged.<p>

"And I don't know why you're always so worried," my dark-skinned friend shook her head and watched me packing my things.

"It is a little inconvenient, you have to admit that," I opposed and looked at her. "And I am not someone they would want aboard such a ship. Endire Spire has a history."

Jasmine rolled her eyes, before the two black orbs looked back at me. "Not that again. You're great soldier and person. Your service records are absolutely flawless and you have nothing to be ashamed for."

I gave her an unhappy lopsided smile. "Yeah, service records… But if they take a peek at the medical ones…"

"…they'll find you suffered a severe injury, spent few months unconscious and had a posttraumatic condition. What of it?" she shouted at me as I left our bedroom and went to bathroom to collect my things. "Posttraumatic condition, yeah, what a fancy way to describe it," I murmured as I wrapped them up in the towel. "Nothing I suppose," I sighed when I entered again. I tossed the towel on the pile of clothes in my sport bag. "Did you know they delayed Spire's departure only to wait for me?" I asked as I zipped the bag. _Done_, I thought as I scanned the room if I left there any of my belongings.

Jasmine combed her short black hair with her fingers. "Well, that's unusual, but still it's not such a big deal."

"Maybe you're right," I sighed again as I lifted the bag.

"Of course I'm right. Look at the bright side, you get to meet a lot of new soldiers and…"

"Don't, Jasmine, please," I interrupted her and headed towards the door. I still had some time until the transporter arrives, but the sooner I leave the better for me.

"Come on, Ravie, it's been a whole year now. You have to stop dwelling on the past."

"Don't," I repeated, more loudly this time. "The therapy's over. I appreciate you trying to help me, but…just don't, okay?" I stopped at the door to look back at her. "I'll call you when I arrive. Go check your patients in the meantime."

In what seemed like a heartbeat I was sitting in a transporter and was on my way to hangar. I couldn't help but feel a little anxious. In a past few months I felt it quite often, usually before something terrible happened. And not only to me. To be frank, since I woke up seven months ago I felt as if I wasn't fully myself. And I had problems with my memory too. From time to time I happen to see and hear things which aren't true, but somehow I feel they're connected to me. But all of this aside, I'm alive. And that's more than Ian can say. I shouldn't complain.

And so I didn't. I was afraid sharing these problems with anyone but Jasmine would end my carrier as a republic soldier. So I kept silent.

The main hangar was, as always, absolutely crowded. The military part of it was a little emptier, but all those brass-hats around me weren't making me comfortable either. I had a feeling every one of them kept looking at me as if I was some kind of spy or criminal as I had my civil clothes on. I always envied Jasmine that she as a doctor had never actually wore the terrible uniform. She always made fun that the "orange and blue thing" was the only reason why she had ever considered joining the Sith.

I stopped in front of a few small shuttles that were supposed to take soldiers to their ships. Each of them had a name of ship they belong to on them, but I couldn't find any with "Endire Spire".

"Sorry to bother you," I stopped a soldier who on his way to one of the shuttles, "which one heads to Endire Spire?"

"None," he said immediately. "The ship left two hours ago, sorry," he said carelessly as he went on.

"Thanks," I murmured, but before I was able to do something else, I heard a soft woman voice behind me: "You're the new Spire's crewmember?"

I turned around and saw a young woman with short brown hair bonded in two pigtails. She wore tight clothes and had a dark cloak over them. It didn't conceal a lightsaber hanging from her waist though. "Oh…" slipped from lips before I could stop myself. Her grey eyes were watching me carefully, waiting for an answer. "Yes, I am. But I have no idea which of these…"

She stopped me with a gesture of her pale, slender hand. "We have the same destination then, come," she said and without bothering to see if I follow her she started pacing away from the shuttles.

_Jedi? What is she doing here?_, I thought as I hurried after her. She was very young, around her early twenties maybe and something about her seemed so achingly familiar but I couldn't put my finger on it. But how was that possible? I don't think I ever met her, but maybe she fought in the Mandalorian war? _No way, she's too young._

She led me to a secluded corner of the hangar where only one shuttle was waiting. She immediately got in and ordered me to sit down on the uncomfortable looking seat as she went into pilot's cabin. I didn't understand what they talked about, but as soon as she returned and sat down, the door closed with a loud hiss and I felt the shuttle tremble as the pilot started its engines.

We sat in a complete silence for a while. She was minding her own business as she read through some data in her datapad. I glanced at the dirty floor as if it was the most interesting thing in the ship all of sudden.

After a while I noticed her looking at me. I lifted my eyes to her and used the opportunity to offer a handshake. "I'm Raven, by the way," I smiled at her hoping to break the ice finally.

She didn't accept my hand and only nodded slightly. "I know. I read your service records. My name's Bastila Shan. I'm member of the Jedi Order," she introduced herself.

I raised my eyebrows. "Bastila Shan?" I repeated in bewilderment. This was Bastila? The one who defeated Darth Revan? "Uh, wow, I thought you'd be…" I tried to find the right word.

"Older?" she finished. "I was told that a lot to speak honestly. But you shouldn't judge people by their appearance. It can be rather misleading. Take you, for example."

"Me?"I pointed my finger at my chest.

"Your records add to your credit. From the mere look at you one could never guess how many languages you've mastered. If you satisfy my curiosity, how did you learn all of them? It must have been difficult."

"I used to travel a lot. I picked a few things here and there," I answered evasively.

"Aha," she mused. "And your ability in hand-to-hand and other combat techniques drew my attention as well."

"I'm a soldier and the training was thorough," I said as if it needed no other explaining.

"Impressive," she smiled and seemed quite content for that matter.

But I had a question of my own. "Why are you asking all these things? We've barely met."

"If you were uncomfortable you didn't have to answer," she said and leaned into the seat, crossing her arms in front of her.

"I wasn't, it was just a little weird."

She nodded. "I understand. And apologize. As I said, I was curious."

"It's okay. How did you end up in one of the republic missions?"

She frowned a little. "It's not republic mission, not entirely."

"What does it mean?"

"Miss Shan?" The pilot's voice shot through the room via Bastila's comlink. "We're about to board the ship. ETA in less then a minute."

Bastila lifted her hand so that she could speak into microphone. "Understood. Thank you." She never answered my question though.

It wasn't long after that when I was standing beside Bastila in that huge hangar full of ships and fighters. It brought back lot of buried memories from the war. How it felt to be on the battlefield, all those explosions and shooting. I could almost smell the smoke and blood, hear screaming of my comrades and…

_"Something's wrong."_

_"The towers! They're still active!"_

_"Hell! They will rip us apart; we'll never reach their camp. We have to pull back!"_

_"We can't, Alek, we have only this one chance!"_

_"Do you want to end up like Jaden? She lost half of her squad on that mine field."_

_"Of course not. I got an idea. Got a grenade or two?"_

_"Yeah, why?"_

_"It's now or never…"_

_"Wait, what are you…No! Get back!" _

"Raven Simons?" The quiet voice near my ear started me. "I'm sorry, I didn't want to scare you. Name's Trask, Trask Ulgo." I kept looking at the soldier in front of me as he extended his hand. It took me a few seconds to realize what he wanted. "I'm Raven," I stuttered as we shook hands.

"Please to meet you. Come, I was send to show you our quarters."

"Our?" I asked as he began to pace towards the exit, leading me with him.

"Yeah, I'm your roommate. Do you want to help with that bag?"

"Eh? No, thanks, it's not that hea…" He wasn't listening to me. He just slipped the sling off my shoulder and tossed it over his.

"Thanks," I murmured.

"You're welcome. Have you ever been to ship like that? In the hangar you seemed little in awe. You were staring at the fighters as if you never saw them before," he went on.

_Talkative one, are you, hm?_, I thought. "Of course I have, during the war. Thought not as big as this one, that's true."

"You fought Mandalorians? That makes us two of a kind," he grinned at me.

"Yeah, with the rest of the Republic," I said, not smiling at all. I was looking around, seeking anything that would help me to orientate myself, but all the corridors looked the same.

"What was your previous assignment?"

"What? Eh…I was stationed at some backwater planet," I answered blankly. "And Telos before that," I added. "Is there a map of the ship somewhere? I have a feeling I'll need it."

"Telos? You mean Citadel station?"

"No, I mean Telos. I got lucky they had me transferred shortly before the attack." Strange, I said the word twice, and in both cases it sounded hollow. As if it the place meant nothing to me. And yet I felt this emptiness where Telos used to be. But it was nothing in comparism with what I felt when I thought a year back. The accident...

"That asshole got what he deserved," Trask growled angrily. "I had a lot of friends down there. None of them got out of there. I was shocked when I heard what had happened."

"I didn't want to believe it at first," I nodded. "I met Revan once. He was…a hero. He saved us. And when they told me he'd led the attack I was…" I laughed bitterly.

"I know what you mean. I don't think anyone expected it."

I shrugged. "What happened happened. Now we must concentrate on battles that are yet to come."

"Yeah. Malak's even worse than his Master used to be. But enough of it, we're here. This is your new home…at least before something blows this ship up," he laughed, but I didn't find it funny at all. It made me hope that I'll get the opposite schift than him.

"Isn't it a little large for only two people?" I asked as he opened the door. On each side of the room there was a bed with few iron lockers and a bedside table. It had a large window on its wall which made the room even more spacious and there were few plants.

"You're complaining?" He asked as he went inside to put my bag on the floor near my bed. "Your equipment is here," he patted one of the lockers. "The others are for your personal things. The shower is shared and it's not far from here, just go down the corridor, you can't miss it. You should put on your uniform and go report your arrival. I would show you around a little more, but my schift's about to start so maybe later."

"Okay, no problem, thanks."

"See ya, Rav," he smiled at me before leaving me finally alone. I sighed. "My new home until it gets blown up. Very funny," I shook my head and looked around. It wasn't bad looking, actually it was quite nice. I stepped towards the large window to admire the fantastic view. I always loved watching stars. It reminded me my sister. She used to sit with me outside our house and teach me their names. Morgana was only five years older then me and yet she had a lot of knowledge about space. She's the only member of my family I really miss. "I wish you could be here with me now, sis," I whispered. "You always wanted to travel."

_Raven, time to move,_ I berated myself and turned away from the window. I went to my bag and opened it. I pulled out the towel with my things wrapped in it and as it was I shoved it inside one of the lockers. It was followed by the rest of my things.

I changed then from my clothes into that tight uniform. I fastened my comlink on my wrist. I put Ian's dog tags around my neck. I left the room and went to find the showers Trask had mentioned. The bathroom was empty which I welcomed. It was divided into two parts; one contained showers and the other toilets and wash-basins. I went to those and looked at my reflection in large mirror that was above them. The woman I saw was looking at me with tired expressions and she had deep dark circles under her yes. Her hair was a little dishevelled so I tried to comb it with my fingers but it was to no use, they were far too long for that. So instead of that I simply bond them into firm ponytail.

"Well, it won't be any better," I sighed and left the bathroom. I had to find the soldier I'm to report to and as I had been told he should be somewhere near the bridge. I had a certain problems to get there, but I managed. There I was told I have eight hours for myself before my schift starts. I was to guard the bridge, which is incredibly fantastic job for a rookie. Almost...

I wanted to rest a little but I had one difficult task to do yet. I had to find communication room and call Jasmine. I gave her a promise I would.

Jasmine was as cheerful as always when her blue-self appeared in front of me. She was smiling broadly. _"Hey there, you took your sweet time. I almost thought you had forgotten me."_

"You're hard to forget, don't worry," I answered with a slight smile.

_"So…what is it the ship like? And the crew?"_

I sighed. "I don't know. I'm not here that long. But roommate is…eh…far too much sociable for my liking."

She laughed. _"Or maybe you're unsociable. Is he handsome?"_

"Jasmine," I scowled at her.

_"Okay, okay. What's your job?"_

"I guard the bridge," I shrugged.

_"What? You're there for what…an hour?...and you get to serve on the bridge?"_

"I told you something was amiss. Besides, we have Jedi onboard."

Jasmine blinked a few times. "_Jedi? Why?"_

"She said something about this mission being not entirely in the Republic's hands. I'm really beginning to be afraid of what I got myself into this time." She surprised me when she laughed. "That's not funny, I mean it!"

_"You talk as if troubles followed you everywhere you go."_

"Don't they? The Jedi is Bastila Shan."

My friend clasped hand over her mouth and gasped. _"Bastila Shan? The Bastila?"_

"Yeah, exactly the one."

_"Oh…yeah,_" she said slowly and deep frown appeared on her face. _"That means you're in hell of a trouble."_

"Jasmine, I'm being serious here. Something's going on and…I know her."

_"Whom?"_

"Bastila," I was really getting impatient. "I know from somewhere."

_"Maybe she fought in the war. A lot of Jedi did,"_ she offered me the only logical explanation, but…

"She's about twenty. And the war was five years ago. I don't think so. And then there's…the thing. I had it again. I thought you should know it, as my former therapist."

Now this time Jasmine finally stopped grinning. _"What was it about?"_

"The war. Ships in the hangar triggered it. It was the second battle of Dxun. It felt as if I was on the ground, but that wasn't true. I never set a foot on that planet, but I was there. I don't remember much of it, but it felt so real…"

_"Oh, dear…I knew you should have had a few months off yet. You should rest, maybe it'll help."_

"I'm tired…and anxious and afraid of…" _Until it gets blown up…_popped immediately in my mind. I rubbed my eyes with my fingers. "Maybe I'm just paranoid, but I think there's more than meets the eyes. But you're right of course. I should go to bed."

_"Honey, don't stress yourself that much, okay?_ _Please, take care."_

"I will. I'll call you as soon as I can," I whispered as I was already reaching to shut the machine off. I stood up from the seat and left the tiny room. As I wasn't paying attention I accidentally bumped into someone.

"Ana?"

"Excuse me?" I asked as I looked at the man. He had short brown hair with two locks reaching into his brown eyes. He had astonishment in them, but only for a second. "Sorry, I mistook you for someone." It was hard not to notice the outstanding orange vest he had on.

"It's okay," I shrugged him off and passed him by.

"I don't think I have seen you before," he said. His voice was as smooth as velvet.

"I'm new here," I answered over my shoulder. "But sorry. I'm not in mood for chatting right now."

"Bad news? " He asked again and pointed behind himself.

"You could say that," I nodded as I finally left the room. I wanted nothing more then to lie in bed and fall asleep. Maybe I'll feel better then.

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><p>Okay, the end (for now or forever, dunnot yet). Thank you all for reading the story. It's the first one I ever wrote in English so I apologize for any spelling or grammar mistakes. If you noticed some go ahead and let me know, because the main reason I started writing this (except for the fact I love this story) was to practise English. I hope you liked it...at least a little :)<p>

Any reviews would be very appreciated. Unfortunately you won't get any cookies or sweets for them, but you'll have my thanks :)


	2. Rough wake up

I don't own Kotor, Bioware does.

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><p>I woke up to the sound of alarm. At first I had no idea where I was or what the hell was happening. Then it hit the home and I literally jumped out of the bed. From the large window I could see sith fighters and flashes of laser beams around the ship.<p>

"Sith?" I whispered, but not actually heard myself over the alarm. An explosion rang in my ears and I saw a pile of ignited debris swept by the window, getting closer to the Endire Spire. Another loud blast sounded through the ship as it shook violently.

The door opened. I turned around, half-expecting to see a soldier in golden uniform. I couldn't hide my relief when I stood face to face with Trask. He was rather pale though and his brow was bleeding. I noticed his left elbow was burnt, probably by blaster bolt. Apart from that he seemed to be alright. "You're awake! Why aren't you dressed yet? No, we have no time for that. The Sith have boarded the ship, we have to go to the bridge to help Bastila!"

"Wait, Trask, what ha…"

"No time!" he repeated as he shoved one of his blasters into my hands. "Take this and let's go."

Confused and almost half-naked as I was only in shorts and an old tank-top I hurried after him. "I thought we were in hyperspace, what happened?" I asked, not actually paying attention to where we were going.

Fortunately Trask wasn't as careless as me. He stretched his arm to stop me before I heedlessly jumped right in front of barrels of two Sith soldiers. He opened fire at them, hiding behind the corner. He proved to be skilled shooter as he took both soldiers down before I noticed. Then he turned back to me.

"What was that? You just almost got yourself killed!"

"If you had told me how bad the situation is, I would have been more careful!"

Another explosion shot through the corridors and we could hear remote sounds of battle. "What happened?" persisted.

"Didn't you hear Carth? He contacted every member of the crew."

"I was sleeping!"

"It was a trap. We were lured into battle and outmatched. Now the only thing we can do is to defend this ship long enough for Bastila to get to the escape pods."

I nodded. "Getting there won't be easy. Lead the way."

Without other delays we started to make our way to the bridge. As I said, it was difficult. We had to shot our way through as there were more Sith soldiers then those of the republic. Actually every our soldier we met was either dead or ended up dead. The battle for the Endire Spire was nearing to its end, and we were not victorious.

"Hell, there's so many of them," I grunted as I ripped off part of my shirt to wrap it around Trask's arm.

"You don't have to do that. It's just a scratch," he protested.

"Yeah, pretty deep scratch. We need to be at our best if we want to get through this. But if you prefer to bleed to death…" I shrugged. A ghost of smile appeared on his face as he looked around. We were hiding in one of the lounges near the bridge. Probably it used to be pretty nice place to relax after one's duty was over. Before we tossed a frag grenade inside it had a comfortable sofa and few armchairs, the walls had been white and there had been huge aquarium in the middle of the room. The water was now covering the floor and fish were dead. As well as any Sith inside.

"We don't have time for that."

"The evacuation was not ordered yet. They still hold the bridge," I opposed as I finished patching him up. "There, it should do."

But when I finished the sentence we heard that soldier again, Carth Onasi, informing us to immediately get out of the ship.

"Were you saying, honey?" Trask asked with broad smile as we both rose to our feet.

"Where are the closest escape pods?"

Despite the odds we managed to get to the bridge in one piece. As we expected, Bastila was gone and everyone who'd stayed was slaughtered. Since we had the element of surprise it was easy to take down the handful of soldiers that were supposed to guard it here.

"Two headshots? I wouldn't want to stand in a fight against you, sister," Trask stated as we entered the bridge. "What are you doing?" he asked. Instead of heading towards the other door leading to the escape pods I knelt beside one of the corpses. "We have no time for that. With Bastila gone, there's nothing to stop them from blowing Spire into galactic dust!"

"This wound, it's from the lightsaber," I said.

"Of course, we saw a dark Jedi on our way here, don't you remember? Come on, we have to get out of here!"

"I don't think they sent only one dark Jedi. And since I see no corpse of other apprentice here, this one had to follow Bastila as she retreated."

"What of it, we have to move!"

"There's only one way to the escape pods from here. What if she didn't kill him? He might still be there. We will run into him."

"Perhaps we will. But we'll die anyway if we won't move now. We'll worry about the Sith later." He didn't wait for me and ran towards the doors leading to the escape pods.

"Better save than sorry," I said and pulled a vibroblade from the hand of a nearby dead Sith.

We were almost there. We had to get through only few more corridors before we could finally get out of here. But it wasn't meant for us to leave. At least not for the both of us.

"You were right," Trask murmured as we stopped in our tracks only to look at another dark Jedi standing in the the middle of the corridor.

"We don't have to pass him by, the pods are this way," I looked at the door at our left.

"We'll never make it there. They are fast," Trask opposed me and watched the Sith getting closer.

"I know," I answered and tightened the grip on the vibroblade. "Maybe I can hold him off, I…"

He looked at me. "Never." That was the last thing he ever said. He wrestled the blade out of my hand and shoved me towards the door. It opened on its own accord and so I had nothing to stop me. When I managed to turn around, the door was closed again and locked. "Trask!" I screamed and hit the door few times with my fist as if it could unlock it. "Trask, you idiot! He'll kill you! Open the damn…!" Sparkles burst out as the Sith's lightsaber cut right through the substantial iron door burning my left wrist in the process. I immediately sprung back clutching the hand to my chest.

"Trask…" I murmured and only watched in horror as the red blade started to move downwards. Then I turned around and headed on the other side of the corridor. I tried to ignore the throbbing pain in my hand as I opened another door and went on. I crossed the last room between me and freedom, overstepping dead bodies without as much as a blink. The kills were fresh, but I had no time to worry about it.

I heard a sound as if something heavy hit the floor. Fast steps were echoing through the silent ship as the Sith followed me.

The door in front of me opened and revealed a small room with empty pod stations on its left side. "Finally! I was beginning to fear you'd never make it!" a man in orange vest greeted me. I recognized him. We met in the communication room only mere hours ago. He mistook me for some "Ana".

I nodded. "Yeah, I was thinking that too for a second. Let's go, we're running out of time before that Sith storms in here," I said blankly and headed to the last escape pod, Carth followed me. As soon as the pod closed it was ejected into the space. Everything went silent.

I leaned in and closed my eyes. _Until it gets blown up. So much for a routine mission, hell! _ _And now we'll end up on Taris… _"We're screwed, Carth," I said silently. "Taris is under Sith quarantine. There's no way we can get out of the planet without help."

He frowned slowly, taking his time before he answered. "How do you know that?"

The pod began to tremble as it entered the atmosphere. "There are hundreds of Sith down there, not to mention the blockade. Oh…crap that hurts…" I clenched my teeth.

"Did they shoot you?"

"It was the dark Jedi," was all I said. And it was the last thing I remembered before the pod landed on the surface.

_The ship was dark and quiet. The utter opposite of the hell outside. I stood on the bridge, waiting. I had sensed their presence the minute they boarded my ship. The idea was clever, but they highly underestimated me. To think I would be too preoccupied with the battle outside to notice them…wishful thinking._

_ I had ordered my guards not to attack them, so they would have clean path. I was afraid they would find that suspicious. But they fell for it. And when I heard them behind me, I had to shake my head in disbelieve._

_ "You cannot win, Revan!" I heard a familiar voice. I turned around slowly, both lightsabers in my hands, to greet my former friend. She was paler than usual and I could sense her fear. _

_ There were only three of them, naïve._

_ The youngest of the Jedi pointed her yellow lightsaber at me as if it could threaten me._

_ "I'll give you one more chance, Bastila. Turn around and leave. Your death is not what I seek," I said loudly._

_ "There's no turning back and you kno…" the rest of her sentence was drown in sound of an explosion somewhere on lower decks. _

_ "What happened?"_

_ "It's Predator, sir! She's firing at…" _

_ Everything disappeared in a flash of bright light. _

My head…was killing me. I moaned softly and touched my brow. I felt bondages under my palm. _What the…? _I opened my eyes and saw my hand, it was patched too!

_What…where am I?_ I looked around. I was lying on the bed in a room I had never seen before. The window was dirty and the light which came through was dim, it barely lighted the room.

On the other side I saw another bed (empty but recently used), ordinary plastic table and several old armchairs. Three doors led from the room and I suspected the largest one to be the front door. It looked like some kind of cheap flat.

I sat up and swung my legs off the bed, very slowly. Every muscle in my body protested and hurt as I did so. I felt a sharp pain from my right hip, it was bandaged too. I was cold; someone stripped me to my underwear. I tried to remember what happened or how I got there. "I was on the ship…" I whispered. My voice sounded strange to my ears and was hoarse as if wasn't speaking for quite some time.

"Ah, finally you're awake," I hear a soft voice. I looked up. In one of the doors a man around his late thirties appeared. He wore dark trousers and a black T-shirt and had an orange vest over his shoulder. I noticed two holsters with blasters at his waist as he was slowly getting closer.

_Who is that?_ I never met him. That was sure. I would remember him otherwise. He had a dark brown hair and eyes, stubble on his face and a slight smile. His figure was athletic. If the circumstances were different I might consider him handsome.

"You must be pretty confused," he stated and as he passed by one of the armchairs he left his vest over its backrest. "These past few days you kept waking up and falling unconscious again. You had to have terrible nightmares too, you were trashing wildly in your sleep. I was afraid you'd hurt yourself," he went on. He sounded familiar. "Do you remember any of what happened?"

I shook my head; my neck hurt too, hell. I touched it with my right hand. "I remember the ship."

"Yeah, well, do you remember the escape pod? We crashed here, on the planet's surface. Your seatbelts split and you hit your head," he shrugged and pointed at me. "You were unconscious but fortunately I was uninjured. I managed to get us out of there before the Sith arrived. I was lucky I stumbled upon this empty apartment. When I considered it save to leave you alone for a while, I got you a doctor and something clean to wear."

Then I finally started to remember. "Carth Onasi," I said slowly. "The decorated war hero of the Mandalorian wars. You got a medal for saving more than half of Serroco's population."

"So you do remember," he asked looking rather relieved.

"Yes, I…thanks. I think I owe you my life."

"Keep your thanks. I have never left anyone behind, nor I ever will," he said curtly. "How are you feeling?" he added, his tone and expression were much softer this time.

_Dead…_ "Fine, really. I'm fine."

"Great," he smiled and pointed at a pile of clothes at the bed-foot. "Get dressed then. We have to find Bastila and some way off this planet. The sooner we start the better."

"Bastila?" I asked as I reached for the clothes. Simple black pants and a grey long-sleeved T-shirt. But everything was better than running around in my underwear. "That Jedi," I remembered. "She was in my dream."

"What?"

"Nothing," I shook my head. And regretted it the minute I did so. I could literally feel my brain floating in my skull. "Do you have any slightest idea of her whereabouts?" I asked instead and started to dress myself. Carth stood with his back to me to give me some privacy.

"Sort of. While you were out I was scouting. Some pods landed in the Undercity, so maybe we should start our search there."

"How can you know she's still alive?"

"If we survived, she should have too. She's a Jedi, remember?"

"And if Sith has captured her?"

"We're screwed." Short and accurate. "If someone can help us to get out of here, it's her. She had this…ability called battle meditation. Using the Force she can help change the course of battles. She's very important in the war against Malak and the Sith."

"Okay, you can turn back now." I was dressed, finally. It took me about twice as long as usually. I'm useless with only one hand.

"Great," he smiled and beckoned me to move closer. He put a belt with two holsters around my waist and helped me to fasten it.

"Where did you get the guns?" I asked.

He shook his head and took on his orange vest. "We have to be careful. The Sith forces are looking for us, so we have to keep low profile. Especially if we meet some dark Jedi. I heard the Force can do terrible things to the mind. Like wipe away your memories and destroy your very identity."

I looked at him, frowning a little. "Come on, you're just pulling my leg right now. That sounds impossible."

He shrugged and put his hands in his pockets. "That's what I heard."  
>"Then you heard wrong. That's not how the Force works. It can wipe away your memories and make you do something you'd never do otherwise, true. But it cannot change your personality, at least not entirely. It wouldn't change the way you think, speak or move. You'd still have the same priorities." His expression was changing during my speech. At first he looked surprised, then he frowned slowly and utter disbelief was what I could read in his face. Something else was there too, but wasn't sure what it meant. "How do you know all these things?"<p>

I bit my lips when the realization hit me. "Some Jedi told me during the war. We discussed it over our meals. Strange, I know, but surely you remember what it used to be like back there. We tried to talk about everything that came to our minds just the forget what was happening around us," I shrugged

It was a lie, utter and complete lie. I had no idea where this knowledge came from or when. It wasn't during the war for I never talked to any of the Jedi. I stick to hanging out with other soldiers.

"Strange indeed," was all he said as he headed towards front doors.

_Well…he didn't fell for that, _I thought and followed him. I was limping because of the wound on my hip. He noticed that and slowed down a little, waited for me to catch him up. "You said you were okay."

I nodded slightly. "I'm not about to faint or something. I just can't move that fast," I retorted. We were walking down the corridor of this building and I didn't fail to notice we were the only humans here.

"Good to know, Raven," he answered blankly.

I looked at him curiously. "How do you know my name? I haven't…"

"I read your service records back on the ship, pretty impressive by the way. With records like that you could have had any position on any ship you'd wanted. Why the Endire Spire?"

"They wanted me, not the other way around," I shrugged. "Although I have no idea why. Where did you say we were going?" I asked to change the topic.

"Doctor. He wanted to see you after you woke up."

The sun was setting as we walked out of the apartment building. It casted long shadows over Upper City's platforms but in spite of that the air was still pleasantly warm. The shadows together with majestic skyscrapers made this place look gracefully and nobly. One might even call it romantic, but not me. I was far too well aware of its true nature to think that. I'd never been to Taris before, but Gurnay made the image crystal clear to me when we last talked.

"It's this way, just across this platform on the right," Carth instructed me.

"How long was I out by the way?" I asked.

"Four days," he said.

I stopped watching people around me and looked at him. "What?" I gasped. "Whole four days?" I touched the bandage on my head. "That must have been hell of a landing."

Carth stopped me and pointed at the other side of the platform. I could recognize a remaining of something that probably used to be an escape pod. It was guarded by two armed sith soldiers. "Oh…that's a pretty pile of debris," I whispered faintly.

"Exactly," he nodded. He caught my elbow to get me moving again as he led me inside building on our right. After he opened the door we appeared in a dark narrow corridor with seats alongside its walls. It ended in large room with a door on its right side which had "staff only" written on it. The examination table and several colto tanks were on our left, which was where doctor and his assistant were right now as well. Carth went to speak to the doctor immediately while I went to the young boy with short blond hair and grey eyes.

"You'll get yourself killed one day if you keep this up," Gurnay greeted me with sad expressions in his eyes, but then he smiled and carefully took me in his arms. I smelled the typical hospital scent on him.

Carth, even though he was still talking to the doctor, glanced our way with cautious gleam in his eyes.

"That's not my fault this time, I swear," I smiled and still refused to let him go. It felt so good to be that close to somebody I know. If there was anyone on this planet I could trust it was Gurnay.

"I know. I heard about the battle and the escaped pods, everyone did actually," he mused. "They're looking for you. They've searched this place twice already since then."

"Then we shouldn't be here. We could get you into trouble," I frowned and looked over my shoulder to see what Carth was doing. I saw him disappear in the corridor which had led us here.

"Nonsense, Miss," the doctor said, moving towards me and Gurnay. "We are here to help people no matter who their boss is."

I smiled and looked at the man. He was much older than me, with dark skin, hair and eyes. "That's nice of you to say, but I don't think you should spread this motto of yours."

He chuckled and nodded. "True, true. How are you feeling?"

"Great," I smiled.

"You told that to your friend. He doesn't seem to believe you tough."

"He doesn't seem to believe anything I say," I rolled my eyes.

"Raven," Gurnay gave a reproachful look. "She was limping," he addressed the doctor.

I sighed in defeat. "Okay, I can't walk properly, I've got a headache and my hand," I raised it in the air, "as well as every single muscle in my body hurts like hell. Not to mention that hip. What would you recommend me, doctor? A rest? A few days without any strain or stress? I cannot afford it. The whole planet is looking for me and my comrade and sooner or later the will find us unless we get out of here, real fast."

To my surprise, Gurnay grinned and looked at the doctor. "I told you so."

"So?" Carth asked as soon as I left the doctor's office.  
>"The head's okay. He gave me a madpack so that I could at least walk normally, but the hand's still little out of use," I said as we left the buildings looking at the mentioned limb wrapped in a clean dressing.<p>

"Good, I'll need you at your best."

I grunted. "Hm, thanks for your compassion," I murmured. "Where are we going now?"

"A canteen. We need more intel before we can actually do anything. Besides the Sith guard every way leading into the Lower City. We need a way to bypass them somehow. I was thinking about getting ourselves a Sith uniforms maybe."

"I'd punch the guard in the face. That always works."

Corners of his mouth slightly perked up. "You think there would be only one of them?"

I shook my head. "Nope, two. One for me, the other for you."

He chuckled and shook his head. "I wish it was that easy."

That sight was a bit surprising. He looked differently when he wasn't grooming and frowning. "That's great. You should do that more often," I said as I looked at him.

My words confused him. "What do you mean?"

"Smile. It becomes you," I answered. The look he gave me…it was full of sadness and pain. I was just trying to be nice and yet somehow I achieved the exact opposite. "Carth?"

Whatever I saw in his face was gone within a heartbeat. "You should focus more on the task at hand and less on me," he retorted.

_Great job, Raven._

I really had to upset him. He was lost in his thoughts for the rest of the journey. Why did he react that way? Maybe it was this place. He was there longer than me as I was unconscious and perhaps it took its toll. True, it was beautiful. But the beauty was hollow. Taris was like a juicy red and apple with an ugly worm inside. After all, I don't think I would be extremely happy after four days on my own on such a place, especially while being wanted like a criminal.

I shot a worried glance over him. His was tensed. His face was unreadable and his eyes were focused on the way in front of him.

Or maybe it was me. I would never forget that strange expression he wore on his face when we first met. And the way he called me; Ana. _He said he'd mistaken me for her. Does that mean I look like her? Hm…who are you, Ana? Maybe someone he cared for. Someone he lost, perhaps. And if this is the case he now sees me as a painful reminder of her. _

I sighed and looked at his back as he walked few steps ahead of me. _I really shouldn't think about it, it's none of my business_.

Anyhow, he didn't spoke a single word to me unless we were finally in the canteen.

It was loud, dirty place full of smoke and smell of sweat and alcohol. I had troubles hear the music, made by some local band, over the shouting from one corner, where bunch of Pazaak players wanted to lose all of their salaries. The game never interested me that much; I was always more of a Dejarik fan.

People around were absorbed in eating, drinking and cheerful talking. Those who wouldn't fit in any of the categories were here to simply watch half-naked Twi'leck dancers, who were sensually shaking what they've got on the stage.

Carth looked around, completely ignoring the dancers which genuinely took me by surprise. "We should split."

"Split?" I repeated. I had to shout. "I don't think I like the idea!"

"We'll cover larger area that way. Try not to stand out and you'll be okay!" was all he said before he headed from me.

"You'll be okay, ha! Easy for him to say. No one will grope his ass."

Carth was trying to make his way through the crowd and as he went past a young black-haired waitress she couldn't help but look back at him. And I definitely doubt she was admiring his haircut. "Or would they?" I added with a sly smile. _Not bad…ah, come on, Raven, focus._

I shook my head to get rid off the image as I went to search the place for…well…I had no idea what I was supposed to look for exactly. _Okay, I could hide at the bar for some time and than dupe Carth into believing I was trying to gather some information, but failed. Hm…I only hope he'll fall for it this time._

I didn't to want to drink, I just wanted to sit down and rest a little, perhaps chat with regulars. I knew I should have been looking around for possible clues, but I had no desire to do so.

_ Besides I don't think he's looking for anything right now__ either,_ I continued my inner monologue. _I bet he's drinking. Maybe it'll loosen him up a bit. That would be great. It would be easier to lie to him. But who knows? Perhaps I won't have to lie. Maybe a Sith will come to talk to me and after a minute or two he'll reveal all of their little secrets…heh, not likely!_, I chuckled.

"A credit for your thoughts?" The voice belonged to a man about the same age as me who sat down on the bar stool right beside me. He was dressed casually and had a glass filled with some blue liquid in his hand.

I pulled away from him slightly. "Excuse me?"

"Sorry, I was watching you from the other side of the bar and saw you smiling and then was like: My got, she must be thinking about something really great. Or somebody maybe. And my curiosity got the better of me so I had to ask," he spilled out. "I'm Yum, by the way," he stretched his hand towards me.

I looked at it. "Eh, Yum…" I was about to decline his obvious offer to chat, but one thing stopped me. On his hand there was a comlink…win a sith emblem on it! "I'm Raven, pleased to meet you," I changed my tune and accepted his hand. I tried so hard not to, but I had to start laughing. It was incredibly absurd!

"What's the matter?"

"Oh, nothing, really," I smiled and combed my hair with my fingers. "I was just thinking how great it would be if I had someone to talk to and here you are."

"I aim to please," he chuckled.

He was a little naïve kind of guy. After I ensured him that I have absolutely nothing against the Sith, he practically told me everything about him, local Sith base and its day-to-day. And he told me about the escape pods. The good news was: they hadn't capture Bastila. When they had gotten to the crash side, everybody had been long gone. That meant Bastila was still somewhere in the Under City. But apart from that he was boring.

"Hey, I had a great time talking to you, but I have yet some things to do. I gotta go now," I shrugged and stood up.

"Um...wait, Raven? Don't you…I mean…What are you doing tonight?" he stuttered.

_Wait a minute…no, thanks._ "Tonight? Well…"

"You know some of my friends are throwing a party and I'd really like you to come. It starts at ten in the evening right after our schifts are over. Which is funny because we'd have to come straight from the base to get there in time. It will be the first time I'd go to any party in my uniform," he laughed.

That changed my mind. "I'd love to come."

* * *

><p>End of chapter 2, thanks for reading :)<p> 


	3. Party time

Kotor belongs to Bioware, only Raven's mine.

* * *

><p>It was time to find Carth. My search was short as he was sitting at one of the tables with two glasses in front of him; one of them which was already half-empty contained some ale, the other filled with red wine seemed as if was for someone else.<p>

"Hi," I greeted him merrily when I sat down on an empty chair.

"Hm," he muttered without bothering to lift his eyes to me. "This one's yours," he said curtly and shoved the full glass closer to me.

"Thanks," I smiled at him and took a sip, closing my eyes. "Hey, that's really sweet."

"The wine, I assume," he asked.

"Of course," I nodded and added curiously: "So…what have you found out?"

"Nothing we wouldn't know already. What about you?" he asked and finally looked at me.

I grinned mischievously. "I've got a date," I said blankly as I brought the glass to my lips again. The look on Carth's face was priceless. "What did you say?"

I put the glass back on the table and leant forward a little. "You heard me. He's Yum. Stupid name for a stupid guy, but he's a junior officer stationed at the Sith base."

"I still don't get what…" he paused in surprise. "A Sith?"

I nodded. "We're lucky. I was just sitting at the bar minding my own business when he came to talk to me and invited me to a party tonight. And I was told they would bring their uniforms there. I'll only wait until they're drunk and then I'll steal one of them," I introduced my plan.

Carth leant back, hands crossed in front of him. "A-ha…" he mused.

"Is that it?" I asked incredulously. "I thought you'd be happy to hear that."

He didn't answer; he kept looking at me with a look I definitely didn't like. "I was thinking."

I waited for a moment, giving him time to add something if he wanted. But he didn't. "What about?"

He looked around as if to check if anyone was listening before he spoke again. "What was your position in the fleet? What did you do before Endire Spire?"

I frowned. "Why do you ask? You read my service records; you should know I've been part of the Republic since I was eighteen." I was getting a feeling this wasn't what he'd been thinking about.

"Who did you call back on the ship? Before we met?" he continued this ridiculous interrogation.

"I don't like where you're going," I scowled even deeper.

"You were off-duty when the attack came. What were you doing?"

"Sleeping, if you must know," I spat and gave him a piercing look. "Why?" I hissed. "And think carefully before you answer."

His eyebrow rose slightly. "Why, I find it far too much of a coincidence that someone who'd been newly added to the crew happens to survive while others didn't."

"Hah, this is rich," I growled.

"Don't get me wrong," he went on. "But so far everything about you hints that…"

I interrupted him. "What do you mean by everything? That I called a close friend of mine to tell her how I was fairing? That I knew about the quarantine? That I was lucky enough to find a way into the Lower City? If so what now? Are you going to tell me you thought I had something to do with the attack?"

He remained silent, but it was all the answer I needed. "How dare you…" I hissed and stoop up. I turned around and stormed out of the canteen, murmuring "asshole" and "idiot" among other things along the way.

I remembered the way we came so I headed towards the apartment. The sun has set and it was really getting dark there. There were fewer people around. Most of them were Sith guarding the streets. They were eyeing me suspiciously, but no one made a move to stop me. Lucky them, I don't think they would survive the encounter considering mood I was in.

I didn't switch the lights on when I arrived. I welcomed the dusk as I sat on the bed. With only right hand I removed the belt and tossed it on the floor. I kicked off the boots and lay down. I kept staring at the ceiling above me. It was dirty and there were few black marks made by blaster bolts and right now it was the most interesting thing in here.

I wasn't even angry anymore; the journey to get here was long enough for it to simply fade away. I only regretted I hadn't brought the wine with me. _Not to finish the drink 'cause of such a jerk..._ "What was his problem anyway?" I said out loud, waving my healthy hand in the air.

I felt silent again when I heard the door open. A light from the corridor casted a long shadow of a human form across the room for a moment, before Carth closed the door and the room once again drowned in the dark. "Raven?" he asked silently as if making sure I was even there.

"What?" I answered after a moment of hesitation. "Do you intend to insult me some more?"

"I…Raven," he sighed and I heard him move closer. He sat in the armchair not far from my bed and looked at me. "I didn't mean to frame you as a traitor or something…" he started.

"And yet you did exactly that," I mumbled audibly enough for him to hear it.

"And for that I'm sorry." He paused, waiting for my reply. When he got none, he continued. "It all seemed little suspicious from my point of view. I admit I might have exaggerated it a little, but still..."

I took a slow breath. "Jasmine."

"Huh?"

I sat up and turned towards him. "I called Jasmine back on the ship. I wanted to tell her I was okay. And as for this suspicious survival of mine...well, if it weren't for Trask I would have never gotten to you alive. He sacrificed himself to buy me some time when he rushed to fight that dark Jedi who…" I lifted my left hand and looked at it. "We knew each other for mere hours and yet he didn't hesitate a second to lay down his life for me. All I got was this..." I tried to move my fingers slightly. With half of my wrist gone and the other scorched the slightest move sent a sharp pain through my entire arm. I hissed and let the hand drop into my lap.

"I never believed the rumours."

"What rumours?" I looked at him from the corner of my eye.

"That lightsaber wounds take a long time to heal on their own. Even kolto can't speed the heeling process."

I smiled slightly. "I heard that too. It's because 'saber's made of...some kind of power crystal which makes ordinary laser much stronger and powerful," I shrugged.

He smirked. "Let me guess. Some Jedi told you, huh?" he asked, but didn't even let me answer. "Anyway, when we get out of here I'll see to it you get a proper treatment."

"If we get out of here."

He shrugged. "With the uniform we'll be one step closer to it."

I gave him a searching look, smiling. "Sounds like you trust I'll get it."

"We."

"I. Yum didn't mention I could take someone with me," I opposed.

He frowned and opened his mouth to protest, but I spoke first. "Just for a once, Carth, have a confidence in me. I'm a soldier. I can handle few drunken Sith."

He nodded and stood up. "Okay, I'll leave it entirely to you then," he agreed as he crossed the room heading to one of the doors which lead to a small humble kitchen.

"Carth?" I stopped him, swaying my head to one side. "I wonder something. What made you think I was responsible for the attack in the first place? Because I don't think what you said was the only reason."

He stood in the middle of the room with his back turned to me. I saw his fist clench slowly before he spoke up. "I suppose you deserve to know. Do you remember what happened to Revan and Malak?"

"You mean when they turned to the dark side?" I asked in confusion.

He nodded. "If you can't trust the greatest of heroes, how can you at all?" He looked back at me over his shoulder.

Something in his voice made me think he wasn't telling the whole truth. "That sounds as if there was more to it," I whispered and got out of the bed. I put my shoes on went closer to him.

He turned around the moment I was few steps away from him. He seemed hesitant. "They weren't the only one who betrayed us. Some other did too, great people, people I thought loyal. Karath among them…" he mused.

My eyes went wild. "Karath…" I knew the name, every Telosian did. _He was at the head of the fleet that destroyed Telos four years ago!_ "Why did you mention him?"

"He was my friend and mentor."

"You knew him?" I asked slowly.

"And that's the worst part of it. I did. I could have stopped him if only I had noticed something was going on," he said, sounding angry. "If I hadn't been blind, they would have still been alive."

"Who? Your people?"

"No. I mean yes…" he shook his head. "When does the party starts?"

I noticed how abruptly he changed the topic. Apparently it was very uncomfortable for him. "In two hours," I answered. "But I'll leave sooner. I need to find the place first."

The air was cold when we left the building. Everything was silent around us as if nobody wanted to wander these streets at night. At first I thought it was because of the quarantine, but that was not the reason since no Sith guard stopped us on our way to Yum's apartment.

_"Do you really want to go there alone?"_

_ "No. But I have to, Carth."_

_ "Okay...and how do you intend to bring the armour here with only one hand?"_

_ "__Oh...touché."_

"If anything happens, use your comlink to let me know," Carth said when we neared the building we sought.

I smiled. "Nothing's going to happen, Carth. It's a party."

"Full of Sith."

"Careful," I warned him cheerfully. "If you keep this up, I'll think you care about my wellbeing."

Corners of his mouth perked up a little. "Someone has to."

My smile got wilder. "That's sweet of you to say, Carth. Okay, here we go. You should wait here. I'll contact you later," I said as we entered the building.

"What flat is it?"

"Number fifteen. And don't freak out, it might take a while," I shrugged. As I went away from him I heard him mumbling something. I'd bet it was about one reckless and careless soldier who he was worried for, but was too afraid to admit it even to himself.

_Paranoid guy,_ I smiled as I stopped in front of the door I was seeking. I took a breath and knocked. In a few seconds the door opened revealing Yum behind it. He had this half-witted smile on his face and a half-empty glass in hands. "I thought you'd never come," he greeted me and leant forward as he wanted to kiss me. I put a hand on his chest to stop him. "Yeah, I know I'm late. This place was hard to find," I said and went inside. I felt him wrap his hand around my waist.

"Ah, but you have nothing to drink!"

"I've just arrived," I snickered. I couldn't decide whether he was really that stupid or already drunk. Maybe both.

"Let me pour you something," he said and led me towards a bar.

"It's quite a party," I commented looking around. I was only half past ten and yet everybody was plastered. Yum chuckled and handed me some drink. I brought the glass to my lips and pretended to take a sip. I wasn't that foolish to drink Tarisian ale. I enjoyed drinking alcohol from time to time, but this ale was far too strong for me. I'd be lying under table before I knew it.

"Yeah," he nodded. "And Jim brought that fantastic music. The best band in the Outer Rims!"

"I hear you," I faked a smile. The band was nothing special. It seemed just like any other band you could find playing at canteens.

He grinned. "Wanna dance?"

"No! Eh...not now. I...eh...I'd like to meet your friends first," I blurted out. It was enough my hand was injured. And in his state he would probably hurt my feet too. Not to mention I had absolutely no desire to dance with him.

"Okay, let'see...that's Jim over there...and that girl in the corner, that's..."

_Oh my...okay, let's speed it up a little. Buddy, I just hope you taught me well. _„You know what, Yum?" I interrupted him. "This way I'll never remember all of them. Why don't we...hm...make an acquaintance over few rounds of Pazaak?" I suggested. As much as I disliked the game now it could help me.

"Hey, why not? Listen everybody, why don't we play some Pazaak?" he shouted and spread his arms as if he wanted to embrace someone. I welcomed it, because he finally stopped touching me.

"But," I added with a sly smile. "Senate rules are boring, why won't we spice it up a little bit?"

"Huh? How? Oh! You mean Nar Shaddaa rules?" one of his friends asked, what was his name again? Rich? Or was it David? _Focus._

"No," I shook my head. "It's played the same way like senate rules, but after every round everyone except for a winner has a drink."

Yum looked confused. "That means if I win I cannot drink?"

I nodded. "Yeah. It's because...eh...it's because the drink helps you to bear the loss."

It took him a few seconds before he got my meaning. Then his perplexed expression slowly changed into tipsy smile. "Yeah...sounds good. I suck at Pazaak."

"I'm game."

"Count me in!"

I grinned. _That was easier than I thought._ "One last rule: You cannot have the same drink twice in a row."

Carth stood at the door, speechless as he looked inside. Everyone was lying either on the floor or on the table, cards were scattered all around the place, drinks spilled.

"The uniforms are over there, in bags behind the bar," I told him where to go.

"You made them all drunk like that? How did you do it?" he asked as he carefully stepped in.

"They just kept losing," I shrugged.

Carth raised his eyebrows slightly. "How did you manage to win all the games?" he asked suspiciously as he headed towards the bar.

I touched the back of my neck. "That's why I don't like Pazaak. It's not about how you play, but how you cheat," I frowned.

"Cheat..." He murmured as he lifted the bag. "Okay, let's get out of here."

"Great. I'm tired. And I need a shower."

_I never looked at him. I kept staring at the ceiling above me, completely ignoring his presence. I felt drained to death. _

_ "Adrianne..."_

_ I never moved. I couldn't turn my head even if I wanted. Everything hurt even while not moving at all. Breathing was hard too. "Don't waste your time," I whispered slowly. My voice was hoarse and barely audible. "And mine."_

_ "I came to..."_

_ I didn't let him finish. "They've made their decision." I paused to take a slow breath. "Nothing I can say will change it."_

_ "__You misunderstand. That's not why..."_

_ "Have you heard what they have in a store for me?" Again I had to pause to gather strength to continue. "I never knew they had it in them."_

_ "They don't__..."_

_ "And they call me a monster," I went on weakly. "But I will never be their puppet. Tell them. I will never succumb."I eventually tried to look at him. A sharp pain shot through my neck and back._

I quickly opened my eyes. I was breathing heavily and I felt a cold sweat on my face as I sat up. I looked at the chrono. _I've slept only for four hours,_ I thought, rubbing my face as I crawled out of the bed. As silently as I could so that I wouldn't wake Carth I crossed the room and went to the 'fresher. It was small, dirty room with tiles on its floor and walls. There was a cracked washbasin on which I laid my clothes after I stripped. I carefully put the bandages off, revealing something that used to be a fully functional human hand a mere week ago. The wrist was at bad shape. Even thought the lightsaber had only scratched it, it was thoroughly scorched. The longer I kept looking at it, the surer I was; it would never heal.

"But I live. I can't complain," I said out loud before I turned the water on. At first it was freezing, but it slowly got warmer. We had no soap so I only stood there, letting the water to sooth my stiffened muscles. I felt truly relaxed and at ease. I wanted to stop time and enjoy the moment, to feel the warm water streaming down my back forever. But I knew sooner or later I'd have to get out and continue this madness, this seemingly endless struggle. And I simply dreaded to think how many days we had left before they'd found us. "We need to hurry," I whispered.

When I left the bathroom, I found Carth still sleeping on his bed. As I watched him in silence I realized this was the first time I saw him with serene and relaxed expression on his face. I couldn't even image what he had to endure those first days here. No money or supply, no knowledge about this place. But he had an unconscious woman to take care of.

I sighed and stood up. I felt hungry and wanted to check if there was anything to eat. And when I heard soft sounds from the other room, I brought some for Carth too.

"Why are you awake so early?" he asked when he got out of the 'fresher.

"Why are you?" I asked with a slight smile.

"I don't need much sleep. But you should rest."

"I was hungry," I shrugged. He didn't need to know about the nightmare. "Want some?" I asked and pointed at the full plate. "But tell your taste cells to go back to sleep. It's terrible."

"And why did you put off the dressing?" he lifted his hand in which he held the bandages I had left in the bathroom.

"I took a shower," I pointed the obvious. He only shook his head helplessly before he knelt beside me. "Stretch it," he ordered.

"Could you fixate my fingers more firmly this time? I could move them and that hurt," I asked while he started wrapping my hand.

Without even lifting his eyes to me, he did what I wanted. I was surprised by how skilful he was. His hands were calloused yet his touch was gentle and careful. As he was working I never felt a thing. "Ta," I mumbled after he was done.

"You're welcome. Thanks for the food by the way," he added as he started to eat. When he finished he went to dress himself in that uniform. While he was at it, I borrowed the helmet and put it on. It was far too large for me so I had to keep it uprights with my hand. "I suppose I'll be your prisoner, hm?" The way the helmet changed my voice brought Carth's attention to me. "Why are you wearing it?" he asked as he was trying to put left boot on.

"So that you wouldn't see how amused I am by that very enthusiastic expression of yours. You look as if you were tortured."

"I'd like to see you while putting this thing on," he murmured and his paranoia kicked in again. "What if they won't buy it? Have you thought about it?"

I nodded. "They'll probably kill us."

"Reassuring. Now give me the helmet," he stretched his arm towards me. I took it off and handed it to him. "How do I look?" he asked with the complete armour on.

"Like a Sith," I grinned.

"Quit that smiling, missy, or I'll drag you to the base and lock you there," he threatened me.

I tilted my head slightly and touched my chin. "Have you ever thought about changing sides? 'Cause that was something a Sith would definitely say."

"Move it, citizen!" he snapped just like he heard it on the streets.

I laughed and put both blasters from their holsters.

"What are you doing?"

I raised my eyebrow at him. "I don't think prisoner with guns would be very convincing. I don't need this one," I said and laid it on the table. I handed the other to Carth.

"I'll give it to you when we're in the lift," he nodded and beckoned me to move finally. We left the apartment already playing our show; he was a step behind me and aimed his blaster at my back. "I just hope the safety catch's on."

"Wouldn't you like to know, huh?" he chuckled. But it wasn't a merry laugh, more of mischievous kind. I smiled a little and looked at the nearby door which led out of this building. Two soldiers stood there, each on one side. Both had the red uniform indicating he was part of my elite squad. They saluted me as I passed them by. But I never answered them. A fierce anger burnt in my veins and I wanted nothing more than make certain someone crawl in pain. This time that bastard went too far...

"Raven!"

Suddenly I had a feeling I was falling. A pair of strong arms caught me at my waist and helped me to regain balance. Confused, I turned around in the arms. There was a Sith standing behind me!

I yelped and tried to get away from him, my right hand tried to find a blaster at my waist, but there was none. I started to panic.

"Raven, don't! It's me, Carth!"

I stopped and looked at my reflection in his helmet. "Carth…?" I repeated. "Oh, Carth," I moaned and wrapped a hand around his shoulders, laying my head on his chest. The armour felt cold against my cheek, but I didn't mind.

"You're trembling, are you alright?" He held me at the arm's length.

I nodded weakly. "I just...I think I just..." I looked back at the door. It looked like completely ordinary door with no one guarding it. A shiver went down my spine.

"Raven?"

" A hallucination. Caused by the lack of sleep, probably," I said and looked at him. I couldn't see his face and made me extremely nervous at the moment. "But it's gone!" I tried to reassure him and was glad when he asked me to go on.

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><p>Thanks for reading everyone, reviews would be very appreciated :)<p> 


	4. Welcome in the Lower City

Disclaimer: Kotor belongs to Bioware.

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><p>It wasn't difficult to get into the lift. The Sith there even warned Carth against some swoop gangs down in the Lower City. He said that even Sith weren't safe down there anymore.<p>

"Great. Swoop gangs," I murmured when the lift's door closed.

"If we don't get into some street fight, we should be okay," Carth tried to reassure me.

I chuckled. "That's the problem with street fights, Carth. No one asks you if you want to take part in one," I shrugged and looked at the door. Although the lift was still in motion I saw it suddenly open. It revealed a glimpse of gun battle and right in front of me there was someone aiming a barrel at my face. I gasped and blinked, taking a step back. And the image was gone.

"Are you alright?" Carth asked obviously concerned. "You've turned pale all of sudden."

"Give me my gun," I ordered as I kept looking at the door. I felt the lift slowed down a little. We were almost at the bottom of its shaft. "The gun, Carth," I repeated to make him hurry.

Although he seemed confused he handed me my blaster the moment the lift stopped.

"Get ready," I said looking at the door.

"For what?"

The door opened. I lifted the gun and without any aiming I shot the Duros in front of it right in the middle of his eyes. He dropped the blaster he was holding, it crushed to the floor as his own arms silently fell to his sides. I didn't see him slowly crumple on the floor thought. Immediately after I shot him I took cover behind the door before any of the other aliens in the corridor had a chance to shoot me as well. Carth followed my example, drawing his blaster and hiding on the other side of the lift. "How did you know it?" he shouted as he glanced out of the lift to evaluate the situation. It seemed there were two groups and they apparently hated each other.

"I heard them!" I lied and crouched as a green laser bolt flied into the lift. I peeped out of the cover and shot a few times, hitting one of the aliens in the middle of his back. It only drew more of their attention to us.

"Impossible, the lift was too loud," Carth opposed. With skills gained in years of service he had no problems with killing another of the attackers. His shots were accurate and fast as if he was born with blaster in his hands. After he took cover again, few bolts were shot inside our lift.

"It's not my fault you're deaf," I frowned and leant out again ready to send another of those scumbags straight to hell. "Ow!" I cried out and hid again when another blaster bolt scratched my cheek. "Damned," I hissed as my eyes began to water from the hot pain.

While I was crouching on the floor, pressing a palm to my face, Carth managed to finish remaining troublemakers. Everything went silent when he stopped firing. He concealed his blaster, crossed the lift and soon his hand appeared in front of my face. He helped me stand up. However he didn't let me go. His gloved hands cupped my face and tilted my head to the side so that he could examine the injury. I felt his thumb brush my skin to wipe the blood away.

"I'm okay. It just took me by surprise," I wriggled out of his hands and left the lift, carefully overstepping the dead Duros on the floor. I heard him chuckle silently and mumble something. It sounded like "the same", but I wasn't entirely sure.

I turned around and saw him standing motionlessly in the lift, watching me. Or maybe not me exactly, it was hard to tell with his helmet on. "Carth?" I asked softly. "Are you coming?"

"I'm right behind you," was all he said. I turned back again and choosing a random direction I went down the corridor.

I would never tell we were at the same place as before. Lower City was dirty and it stank. I heard rat's squeaking coming from the piles of scrap which were alongside the corridor. And if someone disassembled those broken swoop bikes and speeders and made spare parts of them, they could set up a business and get rich with the amount of debris around here. And I had a hard time overlooking the occasional corpses and blood splatters.

"Horrible," I trembled with disgust.

"Well, you're no longer in the Upper City, beautiful."

I frowned. "Hey. I'm not calling you flyboy or something either. Do me a favour and use my name."

He chuckled. "Flyboy. That's not very witty."

"Look who's talking. Beautiful? Come on. Flyboy at least matches your profession since you're a pilot."

"What should I call you then?" he asked, turning his head towards me.

"What about Raven?" I asked. "Sounds nice."

"Hm," he mused and shrugged. "At least it matches the colour of your hair."

I snickered and shook my head. "I think you should...hm, how did you say it? You should focus more on the task at hand and less on me?"

"Point taken," he answered without hesitation. And from his tone I concluded he was smiling broadly.

"Stop it," I ordered. I couldn't help myself but smile as well. "You'd do better if you told me where to go now. We cannot wander here aimlessly."

"Well, we have no idea which way Under City is or how to get there. And the best source of information is..."

"...canteen," I finished his sentence. "Drunkard..."

"Republic scum," he shot back.

I looked at him with astonishment in my eyes. "My, my...I'm beginning to doubt your loyalty. That shiny thing you have on has a bad effect on you," I said, but he didn't seem to pay me any attention. His head was turned away from me. I startled when he suddenly grabbed my elbow. He dragged me through the door we were just passing by so fast I didn't even notice where we were going.

This canteen was even at worse shape than the one in the Upper City. As soon as we entered we saw a man kill two Rodians. At first he tossed a flash grenade in front of them and when they couldn't fight back he shot them using two light blasters. I watched in horror as he then hid the guns back into their holsters and simply left the canteen as if nothing happened.

I didn't hesitate to get out of his way. "Calo Nord," I whispered.

"You know him?" Carth asked

"Don't you? He's the most famous bounty hunters in the galaxy," I explained. _"Never piss that guy off, he'd kill you without warning,"_ Buddy used to say.

"How does it come you know bounty hunters?" he asked and I noticed the mistrustful tone of his voice.

"Not any bounty hunter. Just this one," I refused to answer his question. I wasn't extremely proud of my past; moreover it was none of his business.

"If you say so," Carth said slowly before started to make his way through the crowd. It wasn't that difficult considering everybody was stepping back from him as he was still in the Sith uniform.

"Hey, Carth, look. A Wookie," I tapped his shoulder and pointed into the corner. At the small table there was a lone Wookie leaning over a plate of food. He seemed completely oblivious to his surroundings or perhaps he was ignoring it on purpose.

"There's a Hutt over there. Maybe we could ask him," Carth said as if he – again – wasn't paying any attention to what I was saying.

"Never mess with a Hutt," I warned him. It was another of Buddy's pearls of wisdom. _Strange how these come in handy strictly in places like that._

"Come on. After all we're here on behalf of the Sith," he said.

"You are, not me. Go there alone, I'll wait here," I said stubbornly and turned around. I was half-expecting Carth to change his mind, but when I looked over my shoulder he was gone. I only shook my head and went to find a free table to sit down, when I saw a two Rodians approach a young Twi'lek girl with blue skin dressed in a grey vest with black T-shirt underneath, grey shorts and black shoes. I couldn't believe my eyes and ears when they started to threaten her. I wanted to interfere, but it stopped me when the girl looked my way. "Hey, Zaalbar. A little help, here?" she called.

I did a double-take when the answer came from the Wookie. But Mission, they've just brought my food!

Mission put her hands on her hips, frowning. "Can you think about anything else than food for just a five seconds? Besides you need exercise, so come over here."

I watched the Wookie stand up reluctantly. Slowly he came to the young Twi'lek who grinned triumphantly. The two Rodians immediately backed away. Who wouldn't?

"Wow!" I murmured and came to her as well. "That's hell of way to get rid of annoying people," I smiled at her. I actually had no idea why I started to talk to her, but something drew me to her. It almost felt important to get to know her.

Mission looked at me from head to toe, before she smiled as well. "Well, thanks," she shrugged.

"Wait a minute, you speak basic," I realized. "That's...weird."

Mission laughed. "You think so? Everybody can speak Basic, they just prefer their own language. I grew up here on Taris so I sort of got used to it. But, hey, I don't think I've seen you before. You must be new here," she noticed.

"You could say that," I nodded.

"Oh, that means me and Zaalbar are you first official welcome committee," she said merrily, joyful sparkles appeared in her eyes. "Welcome then," she said and offered a handshake. "I'm Mission Vao and my friend's Zaalbar."

"Raven Simons," I introduced myself as well.

"There you are," I heard a familiar voice. "You said you'd wait..."

"...and this is Carth Onasi, my comrade."

Mission's smile froze on her lips. "You're with the Sith?" she asked carefully.

"What?" At first I didn't get her meaning, until I looked back at Carth. "Oh, it's the uniform. No, we just stole to it to get to the Lower City," I explained. She didn't seem convinced though.

"Could you repeat that?" Carth growled in my ear. "Louder this time. So that everyone could hear you."

I gave him a sweet smile. "Don't be like that. No one's eavesdropping on us. Unless you pissed the Hutt off and he sent someone to kill you. How did it go by the way?"

His baffled gesture told me everything I wanted to know. "You're goddamned lucky you have me. Watch and learn," I said blankly before turning back to confused Mission. "You know, Mission, we're one of the republic soldiers who crashed on Taris few days ago, so you really don't have to be afraid of us. Now, you said you'd grown up here. Mish, how well do you know this place?"

"No one knows it better," she answered proudly, all signs of her previous distrust gone. "If you're looking for some information about Lower City, I'm the one you should go to. I'd show you around, but the streets aren't as safe as they used to be." She wasn't smiling anymore.

"Because of the gangs?" Carth asked.

She nodded. "Yeah. But it's all Brejik's fault. You know, there are two main groups. Hidden Beks and Black Vulcars. Brejik used to be a Hidden Bek. And when Gadon, their leader, went blind he simply assumed Gadon would step down and appoint him in his place. But he never did it, he always thought Brejik needed more time. Because of that Brejik left Hidden Beks and took over Black Vulcars. And the fights started. "

"Who's Gadon?" I and Carth asked at the same moment.

"Gadon Thek. As I said, he's leader of Hidden Beks," Mission explained, smiling. "He's good guy and was a damn good racer too, before he lost his sight in a swoop bike accident few years ago. But he's great. He lets me and Zaalbar to be at their base, gives us food," she shrugged. "He tries to keep this place from falling apart. Unlike Vulcars, they attack anyone on sight, but you probably know that already," she added and pointed to my face.

I felt Carth's hands on my waist. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" he whispered.

I nodded. "Mission? Do you think this Gadon would help us if we came to see him?"

"Absolutely," she smiled. "He never turns down anyone. Just go down the main corridor, at the first crossroad turn left and go on. There's dead end with only one door, you can't miss it."

I laid a hand on her shoulder and gratefully squeezed it. "Thanks, Mission. You helped us a great deal."

"Hey, whenever," she smiled happily. "It's a nice change to meet someone polite for a once."

Mission, can I get back to eating?

"God, yes, go," she rolled her eyes. "But hurry, I wanted to go scouting a little." The couple started to tease each other so we left them alone. After all now we had our destination.

"How the hell do you do that?" Carth asked when we left the canteen.

"How the hell do I do what?" I asked.

"How do you always meet the right people?" he asked.

I chuckled. "I don't know. It's all just one big coincidence," I shrugged.

We arrived at the crossroad Mission had mentioned. We turned left and went on. There was only one door at the end with a dark-skinned woman guarding it.

I stopped. "Maybe you should at least take off the helmet. I don't think they trust Sith here. You've seen how Mission reacted. And give me your blasters."

Carth only nodded and removed his helmet. He combed his hair with his fingers. But when I pointed to his waist, he shook his head "Sorry, no. I'm not sure if you'd have my back, no offence." He wanted to go on, but I put a hand on his chest to stop him. "Don't worry, Carth, none taken," I hissed. "At least let me do the talking. You can be very _charming_ when it comes to women and we don't need that right now."

"What was that? A sarcasm?"

I didn't answer. As the matter of fact I pretended I didn't hear him at all and headed towards the woman. She noticed us and as we neared she tightened her grip on her vibroblade. "Halt!" she snapped as soon as we were within striking distance.

"We need to speak to Gadon."

"Everyone needs to speak to Gadon. That doesn't mean I'll let you in, Sith," she put a strange emphasis on the last word. Well…not that strange actually.

"We're not Sith," I opposed her. "We just stole the uniform to get access to the Lower City."

She chuckled. "Do you take me for a fool?"

I shifted my weight. "No, I think you're very smart woman. Smart enough to know that if we were Sith indeed, we would go through these door without even bothering to ask for permission. And we would never come dressed in the Sith uniform in the first place if we wanted to conceal the fact," I said blankly.

She gave a searching look. And the longer I watched her the more she reminded me of Jasmine. Her face was similar. She had the same pursed lips and dark eyelashes. Only her eyes weren't that kind. Jasmine almost never frowned, never looked daggers at anyone like this woman was looking at us right now.

I sighed. "We're looking for someone and Gadon's probably the only one who can point us in the right direction. That's all we need," I added.

Her scowl deepened and she straightened a bit. "Very well, I'll let you in. But don't try anything funny," she warned us before she opened the door.

"I had my doubts," Carth said silently.

"You always do," I stated as we entered a large hall. "Where do you think..."

Carth took me by my shoulder to get my attention. He pointed at the other side of the hall. There was a table with swarthy man behind it. Close to him a violet Twi'lek stood, her left hand was resting on her blaster as she kept watching her surroundings.

"Hm, she looks tough," I whispered. The woman noticed us and never took her eyes off us. "I'm speaking, Sith," I nudged Carth in his ribs.

"Don't call me that."

"Then stop doubting me at every turn," I hissed back. He didn't answer as we got too close to them. Gadon was tall and bald. He had a thin scar over his blind eyes. He heard us coming and lifted his head.

"Stop where you are," the woman beside him shouted. "Who are you and what business do you have with Gadon?"

Gadon lifted his right hand and touched her guard on arm. "Calm down, Zaera. We're not Vulkars to welcome our guests in such manners. Let them come."

"You can't see them, Gadon. They have a Sith uniform," she hissed unwilling to follow his order. She shot a murderous look at me and Carth.

"Again, we stole the uniform to get into Lower City," I said without hesitation and couldn't help rolling my eyes.

"See?" Gadon smiled. "Everything has its explanation."

"As you wish. But I warn you," she addressed us. "If you try something you'll get yours before you can say _spy_," Zaera said before finally stepping back.

"Welcome. My name's Gadon Thek. Excuse Zeara's behaviour. She just keeps an eye on me."

"No harm done. She was just doing her job," I smiled. "I'm Raven and that Sith Zaera was talking about is Carth. We're republic soldiers who survived the explosion of that ship on the orbit. Our pod landed in the Upper City and we managed to get into safety. But we need an information about those pods which crashed in the Under City," I spilled out.

Gadon scratched his chin. "Few of them crashed down there, that's true. But you won't find anyone there. As soon as they landed a group of Vulcars searched the place. They were there even faster than the Sith. They kidnapped an important woman, officer I think."

I exchanged a glance with Carth. "How did she look?" Carth asked.

"Zaera?" Gadon bid his guard to speak. "Well, she was young, of medium build, dressed in some tight clothes. She had a dark hair and two ridiculous pigtails at the back of her head."

"Bastila," we both concluded.

"Gadon, we're looking for this woman. Do you have any idea where they have taken her?" I asked.

He didn't hesitate. "Vulkars usually keep their prisoners at their base, but I'm afraid that's not the case. Brejik doesn't trust his own people. He would hide someone as important as your friend somewhere else. You won't be able to reach her before the race."

Carth frowned. "Race? What race?"

"There's an opening swoop race for this season in two days. I heard your friend's part of the winner's prize."

I looked at Carth. His expression was the same as mine, desperation and hopelessness. "Look at the bright side," I tried to cheer him up. "She's alive."

"How can you make jokes right now? Without her we can never find way out of this rock!" he snapped and made a few steps away from us.

"Carth, calm down. We'll think of something," I tried to comfort him, but to tell the truth I had no idea what we should do next.

"You know what?" Gadon intervened. "I might have a proposal for you. If you help me, I can help you get your friend back."

"How?" Carth asked sounding rather impatient. As he returned to us, I touched his arm to calm him down.

"My techs were working on a special accelerator that was supposed to get us a significant advantage in the race. Unfortunately Vulcars managed to steal it from us. If you bring it back, we'd have a major chance to win the race and your friend."

I looked at the Carth. He kept his eyes on Gadon, thinking. "So what do you think?" I asked.

He signed and rubbed his face. "I think we have no other choice. We'll help you Gadon. How are we supposed to break into their base? I don't think they'll let us through the main gate."

Gadon smiled a little. "There's a hidden passage through sewers down in the Under City. But you will never get there on your own. When you're down there look around for a certain Twi'lek girl named Mission Vao." As soon as he spoke the name, Carth looked at me with the expression of complete and utter disbelief on his face. I just smiled innocently and shrugged.

"Mission?" Zaera repeated incredulously. "You can't be serious, Gadon. She's just a child!"  
>"If anyone can help them, Zaera, it's Mission. She knows the Under City like no one else. Find her," he turned his sightless face towards me. "She'll help you."<p>

"How to get to the Under City?" Carth asked.

"Go down the main corridor, on the left from here. There's a lift guarded by Sith."

"No problem, we've got the uniform," I stated.

Gadon simply shook his head. "That won't be enough. You need special papers to get down. Lucky for you, I have them. I can give them to you in exchange for that uniform."

"Gladly!" Carth exclaimed as put the helmet on the table.

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><p>This chapter was fun to write. I was looking forward meeting Mission, she's one of my favourite characters in the game ^_^<p>

Thank you all for reading, any review would be highly appreciated :)


	5. Accelerator

Kotor belongs to Bioware.

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><p>The Under City was the most terrible and horrific place I had ever been to. It was dark, disgusting, full of filth and poverty. It was almost impossible that anyone could actually live there. But the people here seemed to have no other choice. And worst, they already came to terms with it.<p>

"And I thought the Lower City was horrible," I said silently, looking at groups of local villagers They were all dressed in ragged and dirty clothes. I saw distrust and fear in their eyes as they were watching us. They appeared to be more animals rather than intelligent human beings.

"It's pitiful," Carth nodded.

"It's far worse than that. Can you imagine living here?" I trembled with the disgust...and cold. Carth touched me on my back as if he wanted to comfort me somehow. I glanced at him with puzzled look, but his head was turned away. He was watching another group of outcasts who were whispering to each other and pointing to us.

"They don't see it the way you do," Carth said after a short pause. "They don't know anything else. They have nothing to compare it with."

"Shaleena said she had dreams about the surface," I opposed.

"And then she wanted to know what it looks like."

"True," I admitted. "Do you think they could help us find Mission?"

"Please! Please open the gate! You can't leave him out there!"

Carth motioned me to move. We both started running towards large iron gate. There was a man in front of it and a young woman, who was practically on her knees begging.

"Hendar knew what he was getting into," the gate's guardian answered and thought he apparently felt pity for the woman he refused to open the gate. He looked at us when we arrived.

Following his eyes the woman turned around. "Please!" she screamed. "Tell him to open the gate. Hendar will die if he doesn't!"

"We will all die if I do!" the guardian stated firmly and didn't move from his spot. "There are rakghouls over there," he said as if it explained everything.

"Rakghouls?" Carth asked.

"Whatever the creature is we are far more dangerous. Open the gate," I said. There was no time to waste; that Hendar was in grave danger.

"You're brave, strangers," the guardian mused. "Very well, I'll open it, but just for a second." He went to the side of the gate to activate the opening mechanism. As soon as it was it was possible we slipped inside, blasters ready.

"The pods..." While I was looking around I saw a glimpse of one of them. "They had to land..."

"Help! It's behind me! Help!" A scared and completely breathless man ran towards us, something horrible at his heels. The creature was ugly. It had a large head, strong limbs with large claw and its skin looked mucous. It was running clumsily, yet fast enough to catch the man.

Carth lifted his blaster and shot, hitting the beast in the middle of its eyes. But the rakghoul didn't stop.

"What the...!" I yelped as I started firing too. But as if we didn't. The rakghoul didn't slow down, quite the opposite. It was growling loudly, our shots were visibly pissing it off. And when Hendar tripped and fell on the ground, I already saw him ripped apart. "No!"

Carth took a step back and stopped firing. I looked at him to scream at him what the hell was he doing. I saw a red light accumulate in front of the barrel as he simply held the trigger. When he released it, the bolt which shot off the rakghoul's head was about twice a size of a normal bolt. My mouth fell open. "What was that?" I asked as I knelt beside Hendar. I helped him to his feet.

"That? Well...the blasters are old, I had to make a tweak or two," Carth jabbered.

"Tweak..." I exhaled. "And what about you? Are you alright?" I asked Hendar. He managed to nod slightly. "Yes, thank you. Thank you both. You saved my life."

"Don't mention it, Hendar. Come, let's get you to safety," I urged him to go, he was limping.

We helped him get back to the village. His wife threw her hands around his neck and was sobbing into his shoulder. She was talking, but I couldn't make a word from that muffled sound. When she looked at us though, she had a grateful expression on her tearful face.

Carth was still talking to the guardian when the couple left. I went back to the dead rakghoul to kill some time before he finishes. "Hell, you're ugly," I wrinkled my face in disgust. I crouched beside it to examine him more closely. Only then I noticed it had just one eye. "Uglier..." I added and stoop up when I heard steps behind me. I looked at Carth who appeared by my side. "I want that tweak too," I spoke up when we headed towards the pods.

Carth chuckled. "I asked him about Mission. She went through the gate few hours ago."

"Can you hear me? I want my blaster to do the same thing as yours when the trigger's being h..."

"Help! Somebody help me, please! Help!"

"Isn't that...?"

He nodded. For the second time in such a short time we ran towards a helpless screaming. Mission literally flew into Carth's arm as she emerged from behind of half-ruined column.

"Whoa, Mission!" He caught her. I noticed she was dirty and had a deep wound oh her arm, though the blood was already dry. She seemed terrified and confused, but when her eyes focused on me a relieved expression appeared on her face. "It's you!" she recognized me. "Please! You have to help me! Nobody else wants to help, not even Hidden Beks would help me, but I can't leave him there! He's my friend," she spilled out, looking from me to Carth and back.

"Easy, girl," Carth pressed her arms slightly. "Calm down, Mission, take a breath and tell us what happened."

"Me...me and Zaalbar, we were down in the sewers. They ambushed us and captured Zaalbar. Please, will you help him? They'll sell him into slavery!"

"Who?" I asked.

"Gamorreans!"

"Okay, Mission," I said looking at frowning Carth who finally let the girl go, "we'll help you, but we'll need you to return the favour. We were told you are the only one here who can take us to the Vulcar's base."

Mission glanced at me. "Gadon sent you for that accelerator, didn't he?"

"He did," I answered.

Mission nodded. "I'll get you there you, but we need to hurry now. Come, I'll show you where..."

"No way, kid," Carth said firmly and crossed his arms in front of his body. "Tell us where they ambushed you and stay here, where it's safe."

"No way! Firstly, I'm no kid. I'm fourteen!" she scowled deeply. "And second, Zaalbar's my best friend and I'm not going to abandon him. Either I'm going with you or our deal's off," she met his glare with the one of her own. She didn't wait for his reply and already turned around, motioning us to follow her.

I grinned and laid a hand on his shoulder. "I loved it how she put you to your place."

He looked daggers at me.

We had to climb down to get to the sewers. Mission was the first down there. She immediately switched the torch she had. Bright kid. We knew we'd going into sewers, but it had never stricken us to get ourselves a flashlight.

Carth beckoned me to go first, but I only lifted my left hand saying: "Useless."

He closed his eyes for a moment. "Okay, I'll go and be ready to catch you if you fall."

"Appreciated," I smiled at him and watched him disappear into the dark. As soon as Carth reached the ground I carefully stepped on rungs. Slowly, holding to the ladder with only my right hand, I was carefully descending.

"What' with her hand?" Mission asked silently.

"She was clumsy," was Carth's answer.

"I heard that!" I shouted looking at them. Only few more meters left. "Ew...what a terrible stench," I gagged when I finally laid my feet on the solid ground.

"Don't worry, you'll get used to it in a minute or two," Mission waved her hand and started to lead the way.

"What if I don't want to get used to it?" I murmured and started following her with Carth by my side. We didn't spoke anymore and tried to listen instead. Except for our own steps all I heard was flowing water and some sort of snoring. I had a feeling we were coming closer since it was getting louder.

Mission was really experienced guide. She led us through the corridors without hesitation and she managed to avoid any rakghouls as she was very well aware of where they have their lairs.

At one point Mission covered the torch with her hand. "This is the place," she tossed her head towards the door we were standing near.

"The snoring comes from behind this door," I whispered with my ear on the door. "How many of them are inside?" I looked at Mission.

She shrugged. "I have no idea. So what do we do?"

I scowled. "Well, we can't simply storm in and kill them all. We'd be dead before we'd have a chance to aim."

"Do you suggest luring them out then?" she asked.

"I have a better idea," Carth stepped in, pulling something round from the pocket hanging from his waist.

I gasped. "A grenade? Where did you..."

"It was in the bag together with the sith uniform. This one's flash and I still have a frag one."

Mission bit her lip. "Sounds like a plan to me."

"You're better shooter," I looked at Carth, "which leaves me to open the door. Don't argue, missy," I added seeing Mission taking a breath.

Carth nodded slowly. "That might work. Mission, take cover on the other side of the door. And both of you, don't open your eyes before I tell you."

I gave him a fake salute. "Yes, sir! Okay, get ready. On the count of three."

"One," Mission smiled.

I chuckled. "Two...three!" I touched the mechanism and immediately backed away with my eyes closed. When the door opened I could hear angry squealing and first heavy steps. Grenade beeped softly. An explosion shook the place. Everything disappeared in a flash of bright light.

"No! Adrianne!"

"Now!"

I heard shooting somewhere nearby. I wanted to get away, but I was lying on the floor unable to move. Every part of my body hurt.

"Is she dead?"

I felt a musty stench and something wet on my back. Sewerage?

"Raven!"

Cold fingers were suddenly touching my face...the mask...

"I'll take care of her, go find Zaalbar."

"For the Force's sak...she's alive!"

"Raven."I heard a silent whisper in my ear. A hand forced me to sit up. I was dizzy. "What happened to you? Was it the light?"

I slowly shook my head trying hard to comprehend the whole situation. "The mask..." I murmured. My hand shot upwards to touch my cheek.

"Did you hit you head when you fell?" Carth kept asking.

"I didn't mask my eyes...closing them wasn't enough. It was the light," I answered finally, not meeting his gaze.

He knew better. "Was it a hallucination again?"

"I saw white light, that's all," I growled. It was the truth; I just skipped the information about those voices. Carth helped me to stand up. "Then why did you fall?"

"My knees buckled. That happens sometimes. Where is Mission?"

"We're here," the girl appeared from the door followed by a large Wookie. Zaalbar was in a sorry state. He stank and his fur matted with blood and dirt.

Isn't she the one from the canteen? Zaalbar growled pointing his large paw at me.

"She is. And the guy is the Sith, Carth. I would have never been able to free you without them, Big'Z," Mission smiled gratefully.

"I'm glad you're...uh!" Zaalbar cut me off when he pulled me into his arms so firmly I couldn't even breath. I thought I heard Carth laugh .

Thank you for saving me, Raven.

I felt someone's hands freeing me from his grasp. Mission patted my back, smiling.

"Eh...think nothing of it Zaalbar. I'm just glad we could...help..." I said pulling a long hair from my mouth.

"Wait. You understood what he said?" Carth wondered.

"That I do," I answered before I spit on the ground to get rid of the terrible taste on my tongue. "I know it' unusual, but I learned it when...it doesn't matter," I waved my hand when the realization hit me. I had never met a Wookie before. I had met almost every other race during my time on Ankara, but not a single Wookie. How did I learn the language then? _Shit...why can't I remember?_

I noticed Zaalbar was still talking to me. But as deeply as I was drowned in my not-so-reliable memory I hardly heard any word he said. I felt rather awkward when I was about to ask him to repeat it. Thanks to Mission I didn't have to.

"A life debt?" she asked incredulously. "Are you sure Big'Z?" He nodded and Mission slowly exhaled turning to face me. "Wow, this is big. Do you have any idea what it means?"

"Nope."

"He wants to pledge his life to you, Raven. "

"What?" I asked in surprise. "No!" I looked at the Wookie. "Zaalbar, there's no need for it. Actually it was Carth who..."

"Don't bring me into this, beautiful. You were the brave one who opened the door risking your life," Carth cut off my speech. His hand urged me towards Zaalbar and before I knew it the Wookie became my guardian for the rest of his life. Or mine, depended on who would die first.

Mission shifted her weight. Something made her nervous. "Wherever Big'Z goes, I follow. We sort of stick together, you know. I...I'd like to join you too."

"Eh...welcome aboard, Mission," I said after a while trying not to sound so taken aback.

"Great, soldier," Carth murmured into my ear in sarcastic voice. "Well done." The blow into my back he gave me was slightly more forceful than it strictly had to be. I watched his dark frame disappearing from us in the corridor.

"Hey, that's great," Mission exhaled and her eyes lit up. "I was afraid for a moment how Carth would react, but he doesn't seem to have a problem with that."

"Mission, he..." I started. I wanted to tell her how he really meant it, but I reconsidered. "He can be a very amiable and pleasant person. He just has troubles showing it. But come, we need to get to that base now," I said with a smile.

"Of course, I keep my promises. And you're lucky. The way is blocked by ray shield and I'm the only one who knows the code to shut it off. The only problem there still remains to be the Rancor though."

I started when Carth suddenly appeared by my side. "What? Rancor? What Rancor?"

"The one guarding the lift to the base," Mission answered plainly.

"And here I thought situation couldn't get any worse..." Carth murmured. His bad mood didn't improve all the way to the shield. He was standing there with arms crossed in front of him watching Mission perform her miracles without saying a single word. And when we entered the other part of the sewer system, with more water and less sewerage, I took him by the back of his jacket to slow him down a little, letting Mission and Zaalbar walk a few steps ahead of us.

"So? Do we have another problem now?"

"We?" he asked and stopped. "No. The problem is all yours, sister. What are you planning to do with them?"

"What do you mean?" I whispered silently and looked at the couple. They were still chatting merrily with each other absolutely oblivious to the impending quarrel behind them.

"You can't keep them," he went on.

"I hope you're joking," I scowled at him. "They're not something I can or cannot keep. They are living, breathing persons who just decided to join us for now."

Carth grabbed me by elbow to make walk again. With a glance he ensured we still had our two guides at sight. "For now," he repeated. "But what about then?"

"Well, we have to get out of here eventually."

"Do you suggest taking them with us?"

"Why not?" Taris isn't a place for a child, no matter who their friend is."

Carth looked at Mission. "I can tell a street child when I see one. Mission seems capable enough. And don't forget she's been living there for the most of her life."

I bit my lip and it was my turn to stop suddenly, when I felt it. The familiar anxious feeling hinting a disaster. "A storm's coming, Carth. I'm certain of it. I don't know what it means exactly, but I have a feeling they have to stay with us."

Carth kept watching me with a frown, searching look on his face. "That's rather strange thing to say."

I averted my eyes. "I'm not insane, Carth."

"Hey you two slowpokes!" Mission's loud voice sounded through the corridor. She and Zaalbar were standing in the middle of crossroad waiting for us.

Without looking at Carth again I hurried after them. We didn't spoke anymore until we arrived at Rancor's lair.

"There it is," Mission stopped and tried to listen. "We're lucky. I think it's asleep." She smiled.

"Maybe it just took a nap after snack," Carth remarked and knelt on the floor. When he stood up again he was holding a hand.

"That's disgusting, drop it," Mission frowned at the severed limb.

"It's holding something," I noticed. Without as much as a blink I pulled from its fisted palm some small vial.

"Eww...!" Mission squeaked.

"What's inside?" Carth asked looking at the pure liquid.

"I can't open it with only one hand," I said curtly and stretched my arm towards him. To Mission's contentment he threw the limb away before he pulled out the stopper. He then took my hand into his own and brought the vial to his nose. "Nothing," was all he said.

"What?" Mission asked plugging her nose. "It's terrible! How can't you smell it?"

I disagree. The smell's nice, Zaalbar roared while circling around us. Apparently he wanted to get as near to the vial as he could without shoving anyone aside.

"Why would anyone carry something like this to a Rancor's lair?" Carth asked.

"To repel the Rancor?" Mission guessed.

"Or to attract him," I murmured watching Zaalbar's behaviour. "You mentioned a frag grenade, Carth. Do you have it?" I asked eyeing a small pocket at his waist.

He gave me a suspicious look. "Why?"

I pointed a finger at Zaalbar. "I bet the Rancor will do the same thing. If we pour the liquid over the grenade and toss it to the beast..." I didn't finish the sentence; instead of that I made a gesture with my hand imitating an explosion.

Carth shook his head in disbelieve. "You're crazy. It will bite your head off."

"It won't if I force it to swallow the grenade first," I stated.

"It's too risky."

"So what do you suggest then?" I asked with hands akimbo. "Sneaking around? Waking it up and asking it to leaves through? Oh, and you can always put a blaster inside its mouth and fire...hundred times at least."

"Are you trying to be funny?"

"Nope, I'm trying to prove my point."

For a second Carth looked indecisive, but then something must have snapped in him and I almost could hear the sound when it did. "I hope you know what you're doing."

"Trust me, flyboy," I winked at him as I emptied the vial over the grenade he was holding. And when I took it from him I let my hand linger on his for a little longer than necessary. I could felt his gaze on my back as I opened the door.

Mission was right. The enormous, clawed creature was lying in the middle of pile of bones and innards. When I moved closer I could see blood on its huge fangs that were poking out of its mouth. I stopped when I noticed its nostrils widened. Rancor sniffed a few times and slowly opened its dull eyes, pupils focusing on me.

The beast lifted itself from the floor. It took a few steps closer to me making the ground quake slightly. I started to move backwards. I needed it to open its mouth finally, but it just kept coming to me.

"Stop dammit" I whispered. The moment I did so Rancor froze as if he understood. He kept watching me, sniffing. I pulled the pin and bend down with my eyes still on the beast. I put the grenade on the floor and poked it gently. It started rolling slowly towards the Rancor. It wasn't looking at me anymore; its little eyes were following the grenade. When the grenade stopped within Rancor's reach, the monster didn't hesitate. It grasped it in his paw and threw it in its mouth hungrily. I heard a muffled explosion and Rancor roared. A smoke started rising from its mouth as the monster fell on the ground. It twitched a few times before it went limp finally. "It's dead," I whispered and finally let go of breath I had no idea I was holding. "It worked," I added before I turned towards my three friends. I gave Carth a haughty smile. "So?"

"So what?" he asked as he watched Mission poking Rancor's head with her toe. "I-I mean...good work."

"That wasn't that hard now, was it? You know. If you stopped underestimating and mistrusting everyone around you, I'm sure you'd feel better."

"Why do you care?" he snapped at me, closing the distance between us. "What is it to you if I trust anyone or not?"

"'Cause that's just no way to live."

"Yeah? Watch me." He wanted to go head to Mission and Zaalbar, but I caught his hand stopping him. "You should be the one watching yourself. So that you'd finally see what man it has made of you."

He looked at me as if he couldn't believe his ears wriggling his hand out of my grasp. "You have no idea what you're talking about, woman." He turned his back to me.

"Enlighten me then," I called at him, but he pretended he didn't hear me. "Which way to the base?" he asked Mission instead.

Carth was painfully silent all the way through Vulcar's base. He spoke only once after we got the accelerator. He asked Mission if we could finally get out of there. He didn't even pay me a second glance, as if I wasn't ever there. As a matter of fact Mission and Zaalbar were the only one who dared to speak from time to time.

That's why I considered returning to the base of Hidden Beks a rescue.

"Hey, Gadon," Mission cheerfully greeted the blind man as we approached him. Zaera let us through this time, but she gazed at us with suspicious look nonetheless. "Here I brought your two new helpers. Without me they would have never made it through the Under City," the Twi'lek stated, a broad smile never leaving her face.

Gadon seemed amused when he spoke. "I'm sure of it, Mission."

Zaalbar gently nudged the girl in her ribs, showing her the accelerator he was carrying. "Oh, you're right, Big'Z. Gadon, we've brought you that precious accelerator you wanted." At her words Zaalbar put it on the table in front of him. Without being told Zaera took it and disappeared in a corridor, leaving us alone with Gadon. "I guess it's time to fulfil my part of the deal," he said nodding. "It was already taken care of. You'll get to participate in the race."

"You mean one of us is supposed to race?" Carth finally spoke up. "Are you crazy? We're both humans. We wouldn't survive a five seconds!"

"It's not that difficult," Gadon opposed.

"Maybe if we were Jedi Knights and had their reflexes, but we're just soldiers, Gadon," Carth stood his ground.

"I could do it," Mission murmured sheepishly.

I looked at her. "You could…"

"What?" Carth gasped.

"But I will," I finished and looked at Gadon. "I'll do it. I couldn't care less if I got smashed on that track." From the corner of my eye I noticed Carth was looking at me. But I didn't have the courage to meet his eyes. I kept staring at the man before me, waiting.

"There's more to it," he said hesitantly after a while. I urged him to go on. "The accelerator is unstable. There's a major chance it would explode during the race if overheated."

In spite of what he said I slowly smirked, feeling a confidence I never knew I had in me. "Gadon, the whole race got a lot more interesting now."

* * *

><p>Thanks for reading and don't forget to review :)<p> 


	6. Swoop race

Disclaimer: I don't own Kotor.

* * *

><p>It was too soon, too fast. With me spending all my time on the Bek's practice track, trying to learn how to handle a swoop bike everything seemed to elapse more quickly than usually. In a matter of few hours I was to take part in a race where everything was at stake. No pressure.<p>

I was little nervous and tired. However instead of heading straight to bed after my last training ride, I stopped at the Bek's bar. I wasn't the only rider there so no one considered it strange. They wanted to loosen up a bit before the race, but I wanted a night without dreams or nightmares.

"How are you feeling?"

"You're talking to me again?" I wondered and let my middle finger travel along the brim of the almost empty glass.

"What are you drinking?" he asked and he sit down on a stool right next to me.

It took me a while before answering. "Gralish liqueur."

"How many of those have you had so far?"

I looked at him from the corner of my eye. "I'm not stupid, Carth. That's my second. And last. I don't want to be hangover tomorrow."

He nodded. "Wise decision." When I didn't say anything he went on. "Do you know the whole base is talking about you?

"No."

"They say the way you drive is amazing for a human. That you're far better then the best of Bek's riders. And I second that. I've seen you racing. Pretty impressive."

"That's excessive," I shrugged.

From the corner of my eye I saw him rub the back of his neck. "Eh, you're not in a mood for talking, are you?"

I shook my head. "Just not in mood for talking to you," I corrected him.

"And that's exactly the reason why we should talk," he said. His voice was quiet and I couldn't deny him the friendly tone.

I turned to him. "No, that's not. I tried Carth. But whenever we started talking, I just managed to upset you or make you angry. And we always end up arguing," I retorted calmly. "I'm really starting to think we're just the types of persons who simply can't get on well with each other. And I'm really sorry for that, because...because I..." I let the rest of the sentence hang in the air, not even daring to finish it for myself. Despite his distrustful nature there was something about him that made me feel like we've known each other for years instead of days.

"I've explained why I'm like that."

"Yeah." I finished the drink setting the empty glass on the bar before continuing. "And you always add you consider me a traitor, annoying, stupid..."

"I never said that!" he cut me off.

"But you certainly thought so on a few occasions."

"Wouldn't you? You walked into the Rancor's lair armed only with a single grenade. That's..." he paused, scowling as he was trying to find the appropriate words.

I chuckled humourlessly. "What can I say? I got style. And it was fun."

"Fun?" One of his eyebrows rose a little. "The monster could have killed you."

"Rather live widely and die, than not live at all," I whispered while slowly standing up. There was no point in staying there any longer. Except for the fact my glass was empty, I had to get some sleep to be sharp and ready the next day. And maybe with the liqueur I'd drunk I would finally sleep peacefully.

Carth followed me. "That sounded like a quote. Who said it?"

"Buddy. And he was right," I didn't gave him the chance to ask who Buddy was. "Look at us. I'm nothing like you even thought we share more than you might think."

For a moment he looked insecure. "Us?" he asked after a short pause. "What do you mean we share...what?" he asked and nearly bumped into me when I stopped in the middle of the narrow corridor. The door before which we stood led to a small storeroom. The boxes were now stacked up alongside the walls making just enough room for a mattress I was to sleep on.

I turned my face towards him. "I know what it feels like when someone close to you betrays you. I know loss too. My sister died on Telos. And if it weren't for that lucky transfer few hours before the attack I would have died there as well. And..." I hesitated, "and a year ago my husband got killed right in front of my eyes and there was naught I could do to help him."

Carth's eyes went wide when I finished. "I...I'm sorry, I had no idea. How did he...?"

"Ian got a lost shot," I answered. I had no idea why I was telling him that. "While driving an airspeeder. He was dead on the spot. They never found who did it. Shit happens." I was surprised at how casually I sounded while talking about it. It wasn't that long ago when I hadn't been able to even think about Ian without crying like a little girl.

"While..." he murmured.

"Yeah," I shrugged. "When I think about it, it was merciful way to die. The crash..." I chuckled despite myself combing my hair with my fingers. "Actually I don't remember much of it, but doctors said it was a miracle I survived."

That made Carth speechless.

"See? You're not the only one with scars, Carth. Good night." I stood on my tiptoes and, with my hand resting on his chest, I lightly kissed his cheek. Maybe it was the alcohol but I rather enjoyed his close proximity. Almost reluctantly I pulled away from him and without looking him in the eyes I wanted to disappear into the storeroom. However his voice stopped me. "Why did you tell me all this?"

I looked back at him with a sad smile on my face. "I don't really know. Maybe I just wanted you to know that life doesn't wait for those who're dwelling on the past. It goes on." With that I left him stand in the middle of the corridor.

The whole base was still asleep when they woke me up. We still had more than two hours before the race started, but racers and mechanics had to be there earlier. When I headed towards the garage I met only few armed guards, but the garage itself was alive as if it wasn't only four in the morning. Six of seven swoop bikes had already been loaded into transporters. The mine was last to go since the main mechanic, Rapid, wanted to check on the additional cooling system. And it wasn't the only thing which differed this one from the rest of swoop bikes. It had also a modified handlebar so that I could control the bike mainly with my right hand. Not to mention it was the only one steel grey. It seemed like Gadon wanted me to vary from his racers on the purpose. But I didn't mind. It has a certain symbolism about it. After all I was the only one human there. Or maybe the mechanics just didn't want to waste painting on a swoop bike that would likely end up destroyed.

There was something thrilling at watching other racers. They were all so excited and nervous in a good way. I was afraid when I arrived, but after I started helping with the preparations the feeling changed into pleasant anticipation. As crazy as it was I was really looking forward the race.

"Okay, guys, the first transporter's ready to go. So move to the other one so that we can finally set off!" Rapid ordered after all the bikes were loaded. The Twi'lek than moved to me and wrapped his hand around my shoulders. "Hey there, newbie. Nice to see you finally smiling," he laughed. "How was your night?" he asked.

"Great." Since I woke up on Taris four days ago I had this annoying habit of constantly lying.

"I'm glad your mood's improved since your grumpy yesterday, honey," he gave me an encouraging look.

"Hey, I might only end up dead. I know of worse things," I joked.

"That's the spirit," he squeezed my shoulders slightly. He helped me to get in the other transporter. This one was adapted for human crew with seats around its walls. Although they weren't comfortable, it was far better than sitting on the floor. And there was a little fridge in the corner if we got thirsty during the journey.

"So, Beks," Rapid rubbed his hands together. "I don't know what about you, but I feel we have a quite good chance to win this year. Our bikes are at the shape they have never been before and you all trained pretty hard. Yeah, Vulcars have few good riders, no argue about that. But you all are great. I expect at least half of the top ten to be from our ranks."

/I bet he was preparing that speech in front of a mirror last night,/ Anglu smiled toying with her lekku.

/Yeah, that's why didn't come to drink with us,/ another of the racers joined in, Aqualish named Phirk.

"No," Rapid opposed. "I wasn't there so that I wouldn't have to watch all of your ugly drunken faces." His tone was serious, but his eyes were smiling.

/You would have been proud of Raven then. She was the first to drop out,/Phirk add.

"I..." I wanted to say, but another racer cut me off. /It's not her fault. She's just a human,/ he commented, turning his ugly Gran face towards me.

"You know, I'm sitting right here. I can hear you," I stated crossing my hands in front of me.

/Ah, don't be like that. We're just poking fun to ease the atmosphere,/ he said.

"The atmosphere would be much better if you stopped opening your mouth," I retorted.

"Ha!" Rapid patted me on my back.

Anglu grinned. /You had it comin' Howmin. Nice job cutting him down, Raven./

"I aim to please."

The transporters took us to the large hangar divided into several racing pits where teams kept and maintained their bikes. We were the last to arrive so the place was a complete madhouse even before we started to unload our swoop bikes. A little crowd formed around us pondering loudly about why the other bike was different from the rest of them. And when I jumped off the transporter too, they all started to chuckle.

"Oh, god. Look, a human. I think somebody's going to die today."

/Great. At least it will be interesting./

Rapid touched me on my back before turning to the gapers. "Just wait and see, freaks, she's going to show you what humans are made of."

"Rapid..." I whispered. "You really don't have to..."

"Hey, you're part of the team now," he scowled and took me to the farthest corner of our pit. "And we stick together. We help each other. We're Hidden Beks."

"I didn't care about them," I shrugged and looked back at the little crowd. They were marvelling at our swoop bike number one right now. "They're harmless, all-talk-no-action types. Besides if their insults are as good as their riding, I won't have a problem beating their times. And then I will laugh."

Rapid smirked. "Oh, you're so going to kick their asses. I know it."

As the time of was passing by I tried to pick up as much about the race as possible. And thankfully everyone of my team was willing to help me with that. I knew the basics, like you should try to dodge the obstacles on the course, fly over as many acceleration pads as possible to get the biggest speed boost possible... But the details were escaping me.

/Well...never ever do a wall run. There are airshafts on them, it could slow you down how they blow. It happened a few times that the deceleration was that great the racer simply fell from the bike./

"A wall run? I had no idea I could do that."

"You could," Rapid nodded. "The corridor has a circular cross-section. If they don't know about the shafts, racers sometimes do it when they can't avoid hitting an obstacle otherwise."

"Okay," I nodded. "What else."

/Don't take an earpiece with you. They say it helps you, but there's nothing worse than hearing a commentator talking about how you ride./

/And watch the speed indicator. Don't let the light turn from green to orange before you change a gear,/ an Ithorian mechanic gave his advice too.

/Yeah, don't forget a merest delay, even if it was only a tenth of a second, could cause a serious overheating, which would be lethal in your case,/ another mechanic spoke up.

"Beks!" Rapid stood in the middle of our pit. "It's time to go register before the race starts. And take a look at the sign board too; they've already announced the succession. And you, grease-monkeys, get ready Noran's swoop bike, he's the first one to go."

The registration was brief. All I had to do was telling my name and that of my sponsor. On my journey back to our pit I stopped to look at the succession. My name was the sixth from the top. "At least it will be over soon," I shrugged. My gaze then fell on the name below mine. I turned to the Duros next to me. "What does the little crown mean? The one next to the name of number seven?" I asked.

Duros kept looking at the board for a while. His eyes were searching the name I was talking about. He nodded when he found it. /That's the winner of the last season. He's defending championship./

I scowled a little. "Good to know," I murmured. I turned around and made my way out of the crowd, heading back to our place.

/Number?/ The Ithorian mechanic greeted me. He needed the information so that mechanics would know which of the swoops bikes prepare first.

I sat on my swoop bike. I gathered they would make no other enhancements since the bonnet was closed. I only hoped what they had already done would be enough. "Six," I answered, but I don't think he actually listened to me. He was busy commanding other mechanics while they were transporting Noran's bike on the track. I heard a call to everybody who wasn't supposed to be on the course to get back to their pits. That meant the race was about to be started. I looked up to the large screen on the ceiling to see what was going on.

The main organiser had a boring opening speech and he presented the winner's prize. Beks gave a credit chip in a value of five thousands credits. As for Vulcars share, it was, unexpectedly, a slave woman "for numerous uses". Except for that there were some spare parts, weapons and a first-aid kid. The latter meant probably as a joke.

/He really could change his speech from time to time,/ Anglu shook her head. /I've been racing for five years and I don't remember he ever said something else./

/Be glad he's brief,/ one of the racers commented. We all watched Noran get on the bike. His head was up as he watched the starting lights. The siren rang out and Noran activated thrusters. The bike darted forward.

The first round's the slowest. Racers are getting used to the course. It's rather boring to watch. The differences between individual times are huge, it's not even exciting, the Ithorian talked as we all watched the screen. But before he could even finish the sentence, the race was over. Noran's time immediately appeared on the screen. Forty eight seconds eight hundredths.

"Is it good?" I asked.

"We'll see after the second ride," Rapid answered frowning.

The next racer was already on the course getting ready. When he finished his time was exactly forty two seconds. But they added a five seconds as a penalty because he jumped the gun.

The third racer did in thirty nine seconds fifty six. It was the best time so far, which the next racer couldn't beat with his forty six seconds thirty two.

_"Number five, on the track!"_

_Breathe deeply, Raven, you still have a minute..._I tried to calm myself while watching mechanics transporting my swoop bike on the track too.

"Easy, Raven, you'll show them," Rapid tried to reassure me, but suddenly I wasn't so sure.

I heard the siren and shouting from Vulcar's pit. It was first of their riders who just started. His bike was swiftly dodging all the obstacles, but he had problems with flying over the acceleration pads. And suddenly the camera on the bike started to shake.

"What is..." I started to ask, but then I only managed to gasp. The bike suddenly turned left, it started spinning and hit the wall in full speed. A loud explosion rang through the course and the screen went dark. Red lights flashed above our heads.

/At least it was Vulcar,/ a quiet voice pierced through the grave silence.

I kept looking at the screen with shocked expression on my face. The commentator's voice sounded remote to my ears as he expressed a surmise about bad technical state of the swoop bike.

Rapid snorted. "I think we can all have a drink or two, my friends, before they scrape him off the track." I felt his hand touch my shoulder. "They won't remove the debris of the bike. So watch the course carefully and you'll be alright."

"Yes..." I bit my lip.

_"Number six, on the track!"_

"Hey, Raven, cross fingers," Rapid smiled at me, patting my shoulder. I nodded, feeling hands of other racers on my back when they all wished me luck. The short way from our pit to the track took seemingly hours. I heard the Duros mentioning my name and something about "our first beginner". I wasn't paying attention to be honest. I was looking at Bastila. She looked like she was under some kind of sedatives, with her head swaying helplessly to one side. Her eyes were half-closed, but I had a feeling she was very well aware of her surroundings. She had a strange collar around her neck. Her arms were covered in bruisers and dark circles under her eyes shone from her pale face.

The Duros was still talking when I already got on the bike. My right hand grasped the handlebar so tightly my knuckles went white. Ignoring the pain I managed to bend my fingers on the other hand, taking the handlebar carefully in my palm. _Easy, Raven. You did it before, you can do it again,_ I thought to myself when I lifted my head.

Red light flashed and I took a slow breath. Yellow one made my all ma muscles tense and when the siren rang I darted forward.

It was the first time I rode this particular machine. It was shivering slightly sending unpleasant waves of pain through my left arm. I clenched my teeth and pressed more closely to the bike to reduce the air resistance as much as possible. Every time I flew over the accelerator pad, the bike jumped forward making it hard for me to keep it on the straight track. The freezing air around me was whistling loudly and making my fingers chilly. And when I crossed the finish line I finally let go of my breath. It felt like a rescue when I finally stood on the solid ground again, even though my knees were shivering.

I had no strength to send a smile towards the camera; I headed to the tunnel leading back to pits, absolutely oblivious to my time. I made it in one piece and that was all that mattered for me.

It felt like a dream when my team greeted me screaming and pounding on my back.

"You did it! You did it!" Rapid seemed beside himself. "And no one can beat that time, it was incredible, Raven! You were like...like...nothing I've ever seen!"

I looked up at the screen. The number of my time was still displayed there. "Thirty four, twenty one?" I repeated.

But it wasn't over yet.

After me it was Redros' turn to ride. He was skilled and his time was close to mine, but I was still better. It seemed our displays only managed to demoralize the rest of the rides. Only few of them finished under forty seconds.

When everyone finished, we had a short break until our scores were put together. They took ten best riders for the second round. Only three of them were of the Beks. Rapid wasn't happy.

"We're counting on you, Raven," he said. "Ride the way you did and you'll get to the top five."

/And that's just a one step from winning,/ Phirk added. /I had my doubts first about letting a human let alone first timer to ride our best bike, but I think Gadon made a good choice./

I was much calmer this time when I was getting on the bike. Even though my time was slower this time I had no doubts it would get me to the top five. But when I made it to the pits I was everything but calm. The engine had started to overheat. "How is it? Will it last another run?"I asked.

The mechanics weren't able to answer my question. I don't think we have enough time to cool it down.

It couldn't have been even luck, it must have been something much more powerful. Right before finishing the race the last rider of the second round smashed himself. Bike's deflector system was strong enough to handle hitting the obstacles, but the wreckage was too much for it. The racer flew from his bike mashing himself against the wall. There was no way he could survive that.

"Someone up there must really love you," was all Rapid said to me before urging mechanics to utilize the additional time to cool the engine down some more.

If it was a madhouse at the beginning of the day, now it was insanity. Ours kept flitting around my bike, Vulcars were furious I had gotten into the top five and others just couldn't decide whom to support, Beks or Vulcars.

This time I was the last one to go. With anticipation I watched all of the other riders finish their races, expressing either joy or disappointment. It was mostly the latter, because no one was able to beat Redros' time – thirty three seconds.

When it was my turn again, Rapid walked me almost to my bike. "Just don't squeeze it much, okay? As much as I want to win this opener, I don't want you to die. Try to...just try to..."

"I'll do my best, Rapid," I cut him off.

He nodded. "I'll be waiting at the finish."

"See you there." I tried to smile at him, but my face was protesting. I shot a glance towards Bastila, before finally getting on the machine for the last time.

_There is no emotion, there is peace,_ suddenly shot through my mind. The thought felt so oddly familiar and natural to me. At first I didn't even find it strange. _What the...?_

The red light went on.

_Last one to go..._

Yellow.

_Just hold on, baby, we can do it._

Green.

I felt a strange peace as my bike sprung forward. As if all the stress suddenly fell off me. I was whizzing along the track with such ease I never thought possible. I wasn't even in the half of the course when I changed the gear to the last one. The pads were boosting me forward; the bike was faster and faster. Everything around me went blur. The engine was roaring loudly and I tried to ignore how much the bike was shaking. It was getting harder to control it, but it felt as if some invisible force was helping me to keep it steady.

I was few seconds from the finish when I felt a burning heat on my legs, but I didn't stop. As soon as I crossed the finishing line I straightened while still sitting on the bike. I managed to spring up at the last moment. I closed my eyes tightly and only awaited the painful fall. For the third time that day I heard an explosion and I felt the air getting unbearable hot around me. I was tossed away and it took a few seconds before I finally landed. I cried out when I hit the ground and continued to tumble.

When I opened my eyes again I saw my bike in flames several meters from me. I tried to move. Every muscle in my body hurt like hell when I tried to sit up, but apart from that, some countless scrapes and burnt legs I seemed to be alright. No broken bones, no serious wounds.

/The rider's alive! That's absolutely incredible! She's alive!/

My clothes were totally ragged and drenched in blood, but...

"It's not burnt..." I realized incredulously.

"Raven! You made it! Are you hurt? Can you stand up? Your time's the best and you survived! You're incredible! I've never met a human like you before. Are you alright?" Rapid appeared by my side.

"I'm fine, just help me up," I asked him. My limbs protested. I had to lean on Rapid for support. "Hell, my legs hurt."

"You've burnt them, but don't worry. We've got some kolto, you'll be okay."

I looked at the screen. A ghost of a smile appeared on my face. Suddenly I didn't care about my legs. I didn't give a damn about half of my skin being scraped off me. "I've saved her," I whispered while limping back to our pit with Rapid's help.

"They will patch you up and you'll be as good as new. You'll see," Rapid continued.

I didn't have time to receive proper treatment however. They gave me a madpack before I had to take the prize. Leaders of gangs were presenting their share of the winner's prize to me, congratulating me on winning the opener and surviving accident. It all went smoothly until Brejik came. "Ladies and gentleman, before I present you all with Vulcar's share of the prize, I must tell you this rider cheated! She used an unauthorized accelerator in her swoop bike which gave her significant and unfair advantage! Therefore I want to withdraw our share from the prize!" he screamed, one of his hands pointing at me, the other itching towards his vibroblade.

/You can't do that Brejik,/ the organiser opposed. /You know the rules. After the race is finished you can't.../

"Your stupid rules are nothing to me!" he snapped at the Duros too. "I make my own, because I am far better than any of you here! And no one can stop me from selling this woman to the Exchange!"

"I might have something to say about it, Brejik." A familiar soft voice sounded somewhere from behind us. Before any of us could react, Bastila flicked her wrist and the door of her cage opened, knocking out the Vulcar in front of it. Bastila simply overstepped his body, bending down to get his vibroblade.

"What? That's impossible! You had the neural disruptor!" Brejik screamed.

Bastila's eyes narrowed. "You should never underestimate the power of the Jedi's mind, Brejik. Unfortunately for you, that's mistake you won't live to regret," she hissed.

It was fast. No rider or mechanic was allowed to have weapons during the race, but Vulcars of course disobeyed this rule. People started screaming when Bastila took down the first of them and were running away frantically. I for that matter took vibroblade from the Vulcar Bastila had just killed, helping her in the battle. For street bruisers they were easy to defeat. Brejik was the last one to stand and it was only because of his cowardice when he covered behind his acolytes.

But the odds were against him. Occupied with deflecting Bastila's lunges he didn't notice me getting behind his back. I felt a sick pleasure when I thrust the blade through his body. Bastila stepped back, letting her weapon fall from her hand.

"It hurts, does it?" I murmured into his ear before twisting the blade. "Enjoy the sensation while you can. It's the last you ever feel." With that I twisted the blade in him, kicking him off it. When he fell on the ground I noticed he had a lightsaber on his waist. I took it.

"That will make him think twice next time he'll have a Jedi prisoner. And as for you," she turned to me. Her eyes went wide as they looked me up and down. "Wait!" she exhaled. "I recognize you. You're..."

"Yeah, we met in the hangar back on Coruscant. But we chan chitchat later. Carth is..."

"Carth Onasi?" she interrupted me. "He's alive? Finally some good news. You must take me to him. Where is he?"

"He's waiting for us in our apartment in the Upper C..." I paused. Suddenly everything was dark around us. Bastila stood in front of me with a yellow lightsaber in her stretched hand, pointing it at me. Her clothes were bloodstained. She was unharmed thought. I took a step back. My knees buckled.

"Are you alright?" Bastila's voice sounded somewhere near to my ear while she was somewhat clumsily supporting me.

I nodded. "Yeah, I just...I need a rest. And food."

"Are you sure? It looked worse than..."

"We don't have time for that. We need to get out of here before others arrive."

"Then I suggest we move on."

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><p>Tadaaa, done :) Thanks for reading and don't forget to review if you're feeling like it. I don't force you or anything, but...hey, you know :)<p> 


	7. Sith base

Okay, I noticed the mark I used instead of quotation marks to distinguish when someone was speaking in different language isn't supported on this page. So I changed the previous chapter and replaced them so that it would make sense now :)

Disclaimer: I don't own Kotor or any of the characters, except for my Raven of course.

* * *

><p>„Raven! God, you're alright!" The first thing I heard and saw when we returned to our apartment was Mission and her high-pitched voice. She embraced me so tightly it really hurt. "We were so afraid! We saw the accident. It was terrible!"<p>

"Wait, Mission, you're..."

"You just kept lying there for so long. We thought you were dead!"

I managed to wriggle out of her arms. "Yeah, I got better," I murmured before turning back to the young Jedi. "Bastila, that's Mission. And the Wookie's Zaalbar," I introduced them. "Now excuse me, I'm starving," I said curtly and headed to the little kitchen.

"I'm glad to see you alive and well, Bastila. Things are finally looking up," Carth spoke up. From my angle I couldn't see the two of them, but I didn't close the door so I could hear them.

"I'm, too, glad I'm no longer a Vulcar prisoner Carth," she answered unemotionally as if the fact wasn't actually pleasing at all. "But our work's not done yet. Do you have any plan on how to escape this planet?"

_She has hell of __an attitude, _I snorted before opening the fridge and looking inside. I was disappointed to find it almost empty. There was only some half-eaten Bantha butter, blue milk and some fungi, which smelled terribly. I had a feeling I'd seen Mission eat it back at the Bek's base. I looked around for some bread, but there wasn't any. I shrugged and turned towards the door.

What Bastila said must have surprised Carth because it took quite some time before he replied. "No, Bastila, we don't. We spent our whole time searching for you and trying to find a way to rescue you," he said.

"Rescue me?" she repeated and looked at me when I entered the room again. "I don't think the poor attempt back there could be considered a rescue, Carth."

I only raised my eyebrow and crossed my arms in front of me, but I didn't interrupt their conversations.

"Bastila, Raven risked her life during that race," Carth defended me. "Not to mention she almost lost it. If it weren't for the shield she had who knows what would have happened."

"What shield?" I asked confusedly. As far as my memory went Beks didn't equip me with any. I wanted to ask what he meant by it, but then I notice Bastila glanced towards me. And when our eyes met I suddenly felt a wave of uncertainty and fear swoop over me. The feelings felt strange thought, somehow unfamiliar as if they weren't even mine. But that wasn't possible, was it?

"The blue one," Mission interfered. "You had it activated when the explosion tossed you away. It disappeared shortly after you slipped into unconsciousness."

"Wait a minute both of you," I took a slow breath, still trying to cope with the lingering feelings. "I didn't have any shield."

"I didn't notice it either," Bastila nodded and for the first time ever I saw some trace of emotions on her pale face. But before I could actually make out what it was exactly, it was gone. "And I know, Carth. I appreciate what she did, but I managed to free myself from the cage on my own," she returned to the previous topic again.

Carth frowned and took a breath, but I spoke first. "It doesn't matter who saved whom. Now we should focus on how to get out of this hole before it's too late."

"And you should get Bastila some new clothes," Mission noted aptly and looked at the Jedi. She was right of course. The brown corset and leggings she was wearing now weren't very flattering, quite the opposite.

"And we should buy some food. I'm hungry and we have nothing to eat. The thing is we're broke," I stated.

"No, we're not," Bastila said simply and stretched her arm. Until up to this point I hadn't noticed she was hiding anything in her hand let alone a credit chip.

"That's the one from the winner's prize!" I took it in my hands.

"I knew it would come in handy," Bastila added.

I smiled and looked at Carth. "I'll be right back. Mission, you coming?"

The Twi'lek's face lit up. "Sure thing! The Upper City has some great shops!"

When I returned with the supplies I found Carth sitting alone in the armchair with his face in his hands. I put the food we'd bought on one of the beds and went closer to him with only Bastila's new clothes in hands. "Where's our young Jedi?"

"In the 'fresher," he answered and raised his eyes to me. He looked tired.

"What did you find out?" I asked and went to the door to bathroom. I opened it slightly and shoved inside the clothes so that she could put them on after her shower.

"She's such a brat," he gave a heavy sigh and rubbed his face.

I chuckled. "Getting on the nerves, is she?"

"She means well, but she's far too self-important. I know her Battle meditation helped us to win a few battles, but that doesn't make her a good leader. At least she acknowledged that."

"Well she's young and inexperienced," I shrugged sitting on the small table. "And she's a Jedi. She probably thinks we're some nobodies," I added, happy smile never leaving my face.

And he'd noticed that too. "Why do you look so smug?" he asked with a risen eyebrow. "And where are Mission and Zaalbar?"

"Well, Mission wanted to say hi to Gadon so we stopped at Bek's base. I needed to put the food to the fridge so I left all three of them there and hurried back," I answered.

That caught his attention. "Three?"

I bit my lip. "Heh? Three? Silly me. Two of them," I waved my hand. "Well...I guess we still don't know how to get off Taris, do we?"

Carth shot me a searching look crossing his hands in front of him. "You know of something?" he asked.

"Maybe I do..." I paused and shifted to sit cross-legged. "It seems my short but successful carrier as a swoop racer has gotten me a few...contacts," I started carefully. I wasn't sure how well Carth would take the news considering his paranoia.

"Go on," he spurred.

"Well, we were about to return when he sent for us to meet him in the Upper City canteen."

Carth frowned, but let me talk.

"We had Zaalbar with us so we gave it a shot. And probably won a jackpot. We know a way out of here."

The next question came from the bathroom as Bastila finally left the room. "You do?" she asked.

I had to admit she looked much better now. Her hair wasn't a mess anymore and the new tunic and trousers fit her. "Yes," I smiled at her. "I know about someone who can get us a ship fast enough to break through the blockade. But first he needs us to get the launch codes from the Sith base."

Carth just stared at me, but Bastila didn't bat an eyelash. "How are we supposed to do that?" she asked immediately.

"What?" Carth looked at her with incredulous expression. "You're not really thinking about breaking in, are you? With our equipment and number it would be suicide!"

"We'll go there tonight," I interrupted what seemed to be a start of quarrel. "There won't be so many soldiers. And as for the way in, I've already bought and astromech droid, T3-M4 is his number I think," I recalled.

"You wasted our money on something like that?" Carth asked. He was apparently losing his temper.

"No," I opposed lifting one hand in the air. "I spent my money I had won on a useful astro droid."

"How much?" he asked with sigh, apparently accepting my arguments.

"Twelve hundred," I answered and after short hesitation added: "How much do these droids usually cost?"

He shrugged. "Where is he?"

"With Mission and Zaalbar. I sort of anticipated your reaction and wanted to spare him your moods."

"My...what?" Carth shook his head with resignation. I could almost hear his tormented sigh: women.

At that moment Bastila stepped in. "Who was the man who contacted you?"

I bit my lip again and shifted my weight. "Well...uh, Canderous of Clan Ordo. He..."

At that point Carth was on his feet. "Mandalorian? You're joking, right? They can't be trusted."

"He seemed honest," I defended myself standing up too. "Besides, if Mandalorians take pride in something it's their honour. Breaking a promise is hardly honourable, don't you think? And except for that, he wants to leave this planet too. He doesn't like what small money Davik pays him nowadays."

"Even better," Carth nodded. Until now I had no idea how much sarcasm could emanate from two short words. "So he's not only Mandalorian, but he works for the Exchange as well. Raven, great job. You've really outdone yourself this time."

I put my hands on my hips. "Do you have another plan, flyboy?"

"No I don't," he admitted with a calmer tone. "But no plan is better that this one."

"I dare to disagree," Bastila intervened again. "We should leave this place as soon as we can. Sith troops are looking for us and it's foolish and dangerous to abide here while knowing of a way out." Her grey eyes looked at me. "I'd like to meet that Canderous."

I shook my head. "I'm afraid that's not possible. We're to meet tomorrow in Javyar's Cantina in the Lower City and he'll expect me to have the codes at the time."

"Let's say," Carth said, "we agree to do it. What would happen after we hand him the codes?"

"He would take us to Davik pretending we want to be part of the Exchange. And while staying in his apartment, we'd steal his ship."

"Sounds easy," Bastila mused, her eyes half-closed.

"Except for the break-in-the-Sith-base part," Carth pointed out. "This one is still suicidal."

I frowned. "Maybe it is, but what other choice do we have? Besides we have nothing to lose. I won't force you to accompany me, if you don't want to Carth. But we need those codes."

"I could help you," Bastila volunteered, but I had to refuse that. "No. The whole planet's looking for you. I don't think bringing you along is wise," I disagreed with her idea and focused my attention back to Carth.

He had this deadpan expression on his face, but then his features softened and I saw a flicker of concern in his eyes. "It's going to be dangerous Raven. Don't you get it?" he asked. He got me by surprise when his hand reached out and tugged a strand of my hair behind my ear. The worst part of it was I caught myself wanting to lean into his touch.

"I-I do," I nodded when his hand fell back to his hips. "But we need to be off this place as soon as possible, Carth. Don't you remember what we talked about in the sewers? We're running out of time. But if we bring Canderous the codes, we can be far from this place this time tomorrow," I paused to take a breath. "I won't let fear stop me from going to the base tonight. Alone if needed."

Carth turned his back to me for a moment. "No, I'm coming with you. I won't let you die on me again."

"I knew you'd come ar...again?" I realized what he said.

"You almost died during the crash," he said looking anywhere but at me. "I'll take the food to the kitchen," he added and with that he took the bags and disappeared into the door, leaving me and Bastila standing in the room alone.

"What..." Bastila started.

"That's normal," I shrugged. "Wait, no. It's not. Usually we scream at each other. Anyway, I'm going to bed."

We set off around midnight. Only Sith were walking around the streets that hour, which made our presence quite suspicious. We were stopped at least five times that night and it was only thanks to the papers Gadon had given to us the guards let us continue.

"It's romantic, don't you think?" I asked looking around. "The rounded peaks all around us, the lights, the silent sounds of traffic from the Middle City..." I went on.

"Constant Sith threat, their fleet on the planet's orbit, danger of being discovered, arrested, tortured, killed..."

I smiled. "Okay, okay, flyboy, you've proved your point. But you have to admit without the Sith this place would be a paradise. Sort of."

He had a blank look on his face. "You talked to Mission?"

"No, she was a little upset when I woke up and didn't want to talk about...anything actually. Why?"

"We had exactly the same conversation when she returned from the Lower City."

I looked at him from the corner of my eyes. "I know where this is going. You said something stupid and made her angry, huh?"

"What makes you think it was my fault?" he asked. I gave him a meaningful stare. "I called her a kid, that was all," he admitted.

"She's fourteen."

"That's why I called her a child."

"She's halfway grown up and you should treat her so. Not to mention Mission's much more mature than any other child of her age," I informed him.

"You talk like you have experience with children," he pointed out and gave me a searching look.

I nodded. "As a matter of fact I do. That's why we get on well."

"And do you have any with thievery? We're going to need it in a few minutes," he changed the topic when we finally had the large gate leading to the Sith base on sight.

"Well, that's why we have T3. He'll open the door for us. And I thought he could hack in their monitoring system and put a loop there too," I shrugged. The astro droid beeped merrily by my side, his little flat head turned towards me. "I wish I knew what you're saying little bro," I gave him an apologetic smile and motioned him to open the door when we get close enough. While T3 was working, Carth was looking around to check if anyone was watching us. I on the other hand kept my eyes on the droid. I was always fascinated by how fast they can unlock any door or hack into the most secured systems. I tried to learn the tricks too, but alas my computer skills were always limited. _Maybe Mission could teach me a thing or two, _I thought.

"Incredible," exhaled slowly when T3 beeped and backed a little. The door hissed and slowly opened revealing a lift behind them. The droid went inside and waited for us.

"That was easy," Carth noted after we got inside too. "What about now? Don't you think it's finally time to fill me in any plan of yours? Assuming you have any."

"Well, I think some plan or map of the base would come in handy. And since I doubt we'll find the codes in the first computer we stumble upon, we need enough time to thoroughly search the place. That means we need some way to move around unnoticed."

"You want us to disguise as Sith soldiers again?" Carth suspected my intention sounding rather annoyed.

"Beep beeeep!" T3 whistled and his little frame rocked wildly from side to side. I looked at Carth with questioning expression, but he didn't seem to know what that was supposed to mean either. We had no time to figure it out though when the lift finally stopped and the door opened. We stood in the large lobby with a single desk in the middle. A young Twi'lek woman was sitting behind it. She looked up at us. For a second none of us moved, but then she slowly frowned. /Who are you? What are you.../ her gaze fell on our weapons. Her eyes widened and she gasped. She made a move to touch something on her desk, but I lifted my hand with blaster in it. "Touch the alarm button," I started stopping her in the midst of her motion, "and your brain will splatter all over the wall behind you." With my free hand I patted T3's head when he beeped silently.

Carth raised his eyebrow at that. He stopped looking at the Twi'lek and focused his eyes on me.

/N-no...I won't. Please, don't hurt me. I just work here,/ she pleaded and slowly raised her hands above her head.

"Now that one's a smart girl," I smiled and stepped closer. "And she'd be even smarter if she stepped away from the desk. You can sit down on the floor if you want."

She kept nodding frantically while following my orders.

I put the blaster back to its holster and looked at my two companions. "T3, there's a console. See what you can do about the cameras here."

Carth came closer to me and laid a hand on my waist to keep me still. "Was it really necessary?" he whispered in my ear, nodding towards the Twi'lek on the floor.

"Would you prefer her sounding the alarm?" I asked in return.

"You could have been at least more subtle," he kept opposing me. I pushed him away from me and went to check on T3. He was already in the system playing with the records. "That should do it," I murmured and looked at the Twi'lek. Her scared eyes were still following me and when she spotted me looking at her she cowered a little. I sighed. "Listen," I spoke to her. "We don't want to cause any trouble here. All we want is to get out of this planet, but as you know, we need the launch codes first."

T3 beeped and for some reason it sounded as if he was worried.

"And if you help us I promise we won't shed any blood here."

I ignored Carth's disbelieving expression and kept looking at her. "You're one of the locals, aren't you? I bet you like this whole quarantine as much as we do, which means you don't. Wouldn't you like seeing someone finally punch the Sith in the face? Come on, I know you want to help us."

/Y-yes...I want to help you,/ she repeated and for a second her eyes got somewhat clouded. She seemed to be looking through me rather than at me. /What do you want to know?/ she added after a while.

I shot Carth an I-told-you-so look, before turning back to the woman. "We need to move through the base undetected, so some uniforms or at least some intel would help a great deal."

"And you could tell us where to find the launch codes," Carth specified.

/I can show you. On the map./ When I beckoned her to come closer, she stood up and slowly came to me. I never took my eyes off her while she was working with the computer. She showed us the map of this place and while pointing her fingers to certain locations she was talking: /You need to get to the computer room under this elevator. This is the shortest route, but it's the most guarded one too. It's because there's an armoury and a storeroom with battle droids which are shut off at the moment./

"I suppose there are other ways to get there," Carth asked. He was standing right behind me looking over my shoulder to see the displayed map.

She nodded. /There is. Through the central part of the base. There aren't as many soldiers and you could get the uniform you want here in this storeroom,/ she pointed to a small room not far from this one.

"Good to know, go on," I nodded.

/You should know there's a battle droid in front of the elevator./

"Droids can break," I stated, but she shook her head. /Not this one, at least not easily. It has a shield on. But if you stop in this room you can access a console which controls all droids. You need a Sith ID to do that however. You'll need the passcard to open the elevator too. Soldiers usually carry them while on duty./

"And what about the computer room you mentioned? Where exactly is it?" Carth asked.

/The elevator will take you right to it. But I think our Governor went there few hours ago./

"Who?" I asked incredulously. "I had no idea Sith had a Taris Governor now."

She nodded and looked at me. /They do. You should be careful, he's dangerous./

"All politicians are," I shrugged and put a hand on the women's shoulder. "Thanks, that was far more then I dared to hope for. We don't plan anything too brutal, but for your own safety you probably should go home for today...tonight...you know what I mean."

/You won't see me again. I'm going right now!/ she exclaimed and without paying us a second glance she hurried to the lift to get out of here.

"Pleasant girl," I smiled.

"But you were rude."

"It worked," I protested and looked at him with the most innocent look I could manage.

He shook his hand and put his hand on the small of my back to get me moving. "Just go, we have much to do."

We sent T3 few meters ahead to warn us before we run into some of the soldiers. We were lucky to get into the storeroom without meeting anyone. With huge lockers alongside walls the room was even smaller and we had to leave T3 on the corridor if we wanted to have enough room to change.

I opened one of the lockers. It was full of the golden uniforms for Sith troops; the same Carth had worn few days ago. I saw him make a face when I pointed inside. "I don't want to be in that can again," he protested with his hands in front of him.

"Stop whining, we have no other choice," was all I said before I handed him a helmet. "Just get into it, we have much to do," I simpered at his expression of total aversion.

He put the helmet on the locker and zipped up his jacket already reaching out for the rest of the armour. I started digging around in other lockers. I had to suppress a laugh when I found one with black and grey uniforms Sith officers wear. These were much more comfortable because had no armour whatsoever. I found one in my size and started putting it over my clothes.

Carth's face when he turned back to the locker to pick up the helmet and saw me was priceless. "What is that?" he asked and pointed at me.

"That is what makes me your superior. At least for now," I smiled. "After all, a gentleman like you wouldn't force me to wear the terrible, heavy, ugly armour, would you?" I pouted.

"Of course not," he answered curtly while putting the helmet on.

I bit my lip and sent him a mischievous grin. "I'm really starting to love it when you're angry. Besides, uniforms are sexy," I add winking at him.

"Yours certainly is," he muttered when I was already at the door, opening them carefully. I guess I wasn't supposed to hear that so I only bit my lip and smiled faintly.

T3 beeped cheerfully when he saw me again and his optic sensor lit up with bright blue.

"Hey there," I smiled at him and slowly turned around. "How do I look?"

The little droid made a chain of silent and loud beeps, which sounded merrily to my ears. "Hey, you're nice."

"Flattery gets you nowhere, but thanks anyway," Carth commented when he left the storeroom too. His hand caught my elbow and forced me to go. This time T3 was behind us, we no longer needed a warning beforehand.

"This place didn't seem so big on the map," I stated.

"That's because we're not heading to the lift now. We need to get the passcard first, but didn't meet a guard who'd be alone."

I rolled my eyes at Carth's answer. "Of course not. Patrol duty's nuisance. I, too, tried to have someone with me so that we could at least talk."

"But that's not what we need right now."

"Tell me about it. If we don't meet anyone in few minutes I'll fall asleep standing up."

"I thought you'd slept for a few hours before we set off."

"Yeah, but my sleep hasn't been the most refreshing recently."

"What do you..." Carth stopped when he heard loud steps. And when we finally could see the certain someone I completely failed to restrain my surprise. "Yum!" I exclaimed before I could stop myself.

The soldier, still dressed in the uniform with his helmet under his arms, was looking to the floor apparently deeply in thoughts. But my voice forced him to raise his head. His eyes widened when he recognize me, and he nearly dropped the helmet. "R...Raven?" he asked.

"Who's that?" Carth whispered worriedly and I noticed he put his hand on one of his blasters. I touched his arm to stop him.

"It's you, isn't it?" I conjured a smile on my face. "Hey, it's good to see you again."

"What are you doing here? And why are you wearing the uniform?" he asked.

"Well...I'm member of the Sith Empire. Surely it's not that surprising," I lied promptly

His face lit up at that. "So that's why you didn't mind talking to the Sith back at the cantina! Yes, it makes sense now!"

"Exactly," I smiled. I was glad he was sort of stupid. Any other person would surely see that through.

I noticed Carth flinch a little when Yum closed the distance between us and put his arms tightly around me. At that moment I realized again how terrible it was not seeing his expression under that stupid helmet.

And that wasn't the only thing I noticed...

"But why didn't you tell me?" he asked when I embraced him too. This time Carth crossed his arms in front of him and turned his back to me.

After a few necessary seconds I pushed him away from me. "You wouldn't believe how many men feel terribly while dating a woman who makes more than them. Not to mention I usually outrank them. Their friends tend to make fun of them because of it."

Yum's smile froze on his lips as the realization hit him. I was dressed in the officer uniform after all. "Oh...yes, that sounds...yeah," he stuttered and gave a nervous laugh.

I looked at my chrono. "You know Yum. I'd love to talk to you, but I really need to speak with the Governor right now. And I don't want to be late."

"Yeah...I can, uh, I understand that."

"I would...uhm..." I paused deliberately avoiding his eyes, "I would like to see you again if you don't mind. After all you promised we'd repeat what happened during the party," I looked at him again.

"I promised... what happened?" he asked and I thoroughly enjoyed how confused he was. But I didn't let my face betray my emotions this time. When I spoke up again, my expression saddened. "You don't remember? After the Pazaak we...I thought you...you said..." I sighed covering my face.

"No!" he shouted. "I remember, I definitely remember it. It was great and...I-I think you shouldn't keep the Governor waiting."

"You're right," I shrugged. "I should probably go. But I meant it when I said I'd like to see you again.

"I...yeah...maybe later. I'm busy," he nodded and sent me an insecure smile before finally disappearing from our sight.

I snickered. "I think I broke his heart."

"I take it you're done flirting with the Sith?" Carth asked angrily and turned his head to me.

"I wasn't flirting, just having fun," I corrected him. "The guy is incredibly dumb. I simply couldn't help myself and pick on him. Why do you ask? Are you jealous?" I added with a sweet tone tilting my head to one side.

"I didn't know groping someone was your definition of fun," he snapped.

I rolled my eyes. "If by groping you mean embracing, it was nothing more than yet another display of how damn lucky you are to have me." I raised my hand and in between my forefinger and middle finger I held Yum's passcard.

"So, children and thievery both. Were you part of some kid gang or something?" he asked before taking it.

"Something," I smiled at him.

With the passcard deactivating the droid was piece of cake...for T3. We just inserted it in the console and T3 took care of the rest.

"Now the difficult part," I said when the lift closed and started moving downwards slowly.

Carth snorted. "Why difficult? He's alone down there. Let's kill him and get out of here before someone notice."

I combed my hair with my fingers. "I get a feeling it won't be that easy, Carth. I feel..."

"What?" he asked when I paused. I only shook my head and shrugged. "I don't know what it is, but it's..." I didn't manage to finish my thought when the lift stopped and the door opened. There was a short corridor with closed door on the other side. We exchanged a glance before stepping out of the lift, T3 close at our heels.

"I can't hear anything," I whispered with my ear on the door.

"Maybe he's not inside anymore."

"We're not that lucky," I shook my head and opened the door. The round room behind it was small with computer panels and consoles along the walls. Apart from few lockers it was empty.

In the middle of it a bald man sat crossed-legged with his back to us. He wore some kind of dark robes with armour covering his torso. On the ground next to him two vibroblades lay.

"Who dares to disturb my meditation?" The Sith suddenly sprung to his feet and turned around using the Force to pull the swords into his hands. He startled when we stood face to face. "Who are you?" he asked slowly looking directly at me. "A Force-adept? Here, on this insignificant planet? Who would have thought that?" His eyes narrowed.

"Force-adept?" Carth repeated and his head turned to me. "Figures."

"This meeting is a stroke of luck for me," the Sith continued. "My Master will surely reward me with my lightsaber once I kill you."

T3 beeped few times silently and backed a little, hiding behind Carth. The light of his optic sensor was dim; he was afraid.

"I don't think so," I said coldly. And when he thrust forward in a poor attempt to run the swords through my body I jumped to the side and grasped one of his hands. I twisted it behind him, forcing him to drop the blade. I managed to catch it before it hit the ground and deflect another of his attacks.

"No!" I screamed when I noticed Carth raising his blasters. I dodged his lunge aimed at my stomach by jumping back. "You might hit me. Stay back!"

"But...!"  
>"Carth, I can handle him. Keep back!" I ordered blocking his sword and hitting his ribs with my free hand, making him bend over and take a few steps back. My face twisted in pain when my left hand made a contact with his armour.<p>

"Raven!" "Beeeeeep!" Both my companions warned me just in time to look back at the Sith. He recovered from the hit faster than me and had already launched forward. I stepped out of his way, touching him on his back and sending him right against the wall.

"Is this the best you can do?" I laughed at him when he stopped himself with his hands. "No wonder your Master denies you your lightsaber. You'd only hurt yourself with it." I wasn't that confident though. All the time we were fighting I felt as if something was missing in my left hand. As if it should held another sword too even thought I'd never been trained for dual wielding.

"Your words mean nothing to me," he hissed. He lifted his hand and I felt a soft breeze sweep over me, but nothing else happened. The Governor looked surprised for a moment and when he turned his gaze to his hand I rushed forward. He was fast though; my blade only scratched his side. I set my leg to his way, but he jumped over it as if he'd anticipated me to do that. Spinning around he tried to hit me again, but I was ready for him. I ran under his stretched hand and when I stood behind him I hit the back of his head with my elbow. He made a few steps forward immediately turning around to deflect my lunge at his body. The blade slid down his own. Without a proper cross guard protecting his hand my sword made a deep cut into it causing him to yelp and flinch. I didn't give him time to recover this time. With a spin I attacked his side which he barely parried. With his palm covered in blood and sore his sword was literally slipping out of his hand.

"Give up and I might spare your life," I offered. He didn't answer. Instead he rubbed his hand against his leg to dry it.

"I take it as no!" I yelled when he attacked again. I blocked his thrust turning my back to him and caught his armed hand under my arm. I used my elbow to hit his abdomen and face after he bent forward. He gasped when I finally run my sword through his chest. His vibroblade fell to the floor with loud clank followed by his body. I dropped the bloody sword too and knelt to the Sith taking his face in my hands. "I'm sorry," I whispered to him. "May the Force be with you," I added for no apparent reason and closed his dead eyes.

"What did you say?" Carth asked and came closer to me.

"I...don't know to be honest," I shook my head and looked around. "T3, the codes," I reminded him. He beeped and made his way to one of the consoles.

"You do realize you just defeated a force wielder?" Carth asked slowly.

I shrugged and headed to the lockers to search them. "He didn't use it. The Force I mean. If he had thought, it might have saved his life when his melee skills couldn't."

"He tried. But it didn't work," he noted.

I frowned. "Maybe he did something wrong," I shrugged. "It takes a strong will to resist effects of the Force and I'm anything but strong-willed." When I found nothing of importance I closed the locker and moved to the other one. "Could you stop standing there and search the body? Maybe he has something valuable on him," I ordered him. He shook his head, but listened to me and knelt next to him.

"Beeep peeeeep beep." T3 moved to the door to let us know he's done.

I was about to close the other locket too, when I heard Carth. "This doesn't look like it belonged to him. Ian Simons...wait...that sounds familiar."

I spun around abruptly and hurried to him. He held dog tags in his hand and was examining them. "What are you..." he started when I snatched them from his hands.

"God..." I exhaled closing my eyes. I brought the now fisted hand to my heart for a moment and smiled. "Thought I'd lost them," I whispered and opened my eyes again, staring at my palm.

"Wait a minute...these are yours?" Then it struck him. "Simons. That's your surname."

I nodded. "I had them during the crash, but they had to fall off my neck," I explained and put them around my neck, tugging them under both the uniform and my own clothes. "I gave up all hopes I'd ever see them again."

T3, still waiting at the door, made a short loud beep which sounded rather impatiently.

"I guess we can talk later," Carth said and motioned towards the door. "After you."

* * *

><p>Here you go :) Took me longer than usual. Partly becuase I was away and partly because I was sooooo lazy, sorry :) Anyway, thanks for reading, I hope you liked it. And don't forget that every review's welcomed :)<p>

The next updates might take a little while too, since my holiday's nearing to its end, but I'll try my best to squeeze writing into my schedule as often as possible.


	8. Just like Telos

Disclaimer: I don't own Bioware.

* * *

><p>When we returned, our apartment was dark and quiet, except for Zaalbar's snoring. He fell asleep in sitting position next to the bed Mission slept on. Her blanket was lying on the floor and one of her legs hung off the bed. She had a faint smile on her face as she clutched her pillow to her chest. Bastila on the other hand was lying lady-like on her back with one hand under her pillow. I suspected she had her lightsaber hidden under it.<p>

"Appears we'll have to sleep on the floor," Carth whispered to my ear looking from one occupied bed to the other.

"And without covers," I added watching T3 heading to the kitchen.

"Go take a shower. I'll look through the other apartments if I can find some there."

I looked at him. "That means we won't be nestling against each other for warmth?"

His eyebrows rose. "Disappointed?"

"I won't lose my sleep over it," I laughed and went to pick Mission's blanket from the floor. She stirred when I covered her and mumbled something. She didn't wake up so I dared to stroke her cheek lightly. She looked so innocent in her sleep.

I gave her one last glance before turning and heading to the 'fresher. The first thing I did there was looking at my reflection in the mirror. I wasn't surprised to find a tired, pale woman with dark circles under her blue eyes looking back at me. What was new though, was a fresh thin scar on my left cheek. I smiled slightly when I remembered how I got it. "Welcome in the Lower City," I whispered and touched the scar with my fingertips. My smile spread across my face. "We've gotten far since that. Tomorrow we're leaving this place," I tried to reassure myself. "You'll just fill a report, get yourself a proper treatment for your hand and never ever set a foot on Taris again. And if you're very, very lucky," I added slowly, "you'll get to see him again."

I shook my head chuckling. "Stop with the soliloquy," I berated myself, already stripping. Over the past days I learned how to take off clothes with only one hand so I was done quickly. All that was left was unwind the bandages. I tried not to look at my hand before I stepped under the hot water. Smiling, I took a slow breath and combed my hair, massaging my skull. The water flowed down my back soothing my ache muscles and relaxing the stiff ones. Enjoying the water's caress I completely lost track of time. When I left the bathroom I spotted two mattresses with blankets on the floor under the window.

"Carth?" I asked silently. He was nowhere in the room.

"Took your sweet time, huh?" Carth's quiet whisper from behind started me. "Sorry," he chuckled and left the kitchen with some plate in his hands. "Shaak and cheese sandwich. Without shaak meet. And topato. Well, actually it's just bread with cheese," he shrugged. "Thought you might be hungry. I know I was."

I smiled. "Thanks, but I usually don't eat before going to bed. It's not healthy."

"Don't give me that, sister. You ate once this day as far as I know, unless you had breakfast too. Anyway, you must be starving."

I opened my mouth to protest, but only then I realized he was right. "Okay, I'll eat it. Thanks, it's kind of you," I gave him another smile when he handed me the plate. He disappeared into the bathroom too, so I ate in silence. After I put the plate back into kitchen I crawled into my improvised bed. I took off the trousers and folded them under my head as a pillow. I lay down and stared at the ceiling, listening to the silent sounds of running water from the 'fresher.

I sat up when he got out of it...with his shirt in his hands. "Would you help me?" I showed him the bandages. Despite my best efforts I couldn't help but stare at his muscular chest. Scars marred his skin; nevertheless I found the view rather pleasing. I bit my lip and finally managed to tear my eyes off his chest, which almost begged me to touch it, as he closed the distance between us, kneeling next to me. I cleared my throat and stretched the hand.

"Do you really want me to use the bandages? These are..." he started, but I cut him off. "...the only ones we have. I know they're dirty, but it's better than nothing."

He shrugged and started wrapping them around my hand, frowning slightly. I watched his face while he was working. He had concern in his eyes and every time I flinched when he unintentionally caused me pain, it was mirrored in his face too. "That should do it," he whispered when he was done.

"Thanks," I murmured looking him in the eyes. All I could hear was my heart pounding in my ears when I realized how close we were. It seemed so easy to lean forward a little and capture those incredibly soft looking lips in mine. The temptation was great and his bare chest wasn't helping at all. And so wasn't the look in his face, as he was waiting, anticipating even?

It took all my self-control to turn away from him. "Good night, Carth," I whispered and swallowed heavily. I pushed my blanket away feeling suddenly hot.

"Good night." I heard a soft rustling and my eyes flied open when his hand suddenly captured mine. My head snapped to look at him. His eyes were closed and he had a serene expression on his face.

A ghost of a smile appeared on my face when I entwined our fingers, finally drifting off.

_"Force-adept? Force sensitive? What does it all mean? You want to train her?" commander of the Republic soldiers asked. _

_ The woman dressed in loose clothes with white hair and strange stick hanging from her belt nodded. "Yes, I do. In all my years in the Order I haven't met anyone like her. The girl has a huge potential. I can feel the Force whirling around her like a hurricane. It is dangerous to leave such power untrained. Both for her and everyone around her."_

_ Buddy crouched beside me, taking me in his arms and whispering: "Can you hear it, Addie? You're going to be a Jedi."He caressed my hair and I heard clinking of the handcuffs he had._

_ "Do I get to stay with y__ou as a Jedi?" I asked silently._

_ Buddy smiled sadly and shook his head. "I'm afraid where I'm going you can't follow."_

_ "Then I don't want to be a Jedi," I pouted and pressed my face into his shoulder."I want to be with you," I whispered and closed my eyes tightly when they begun to water._

_"Addie, do you remember what you told me? How you miss your sister? If you go with us now, you'll never see her again. But if you go with Master Kae, you'll be able to visit her again. Isn't that what you always wanted?"_

_ "It is, b__ut I wanted you to go there with me," I whimpered. "To protect me from my father."_

_ "I know, Addie, but listen to me. Thousands would kill to be in your position. Everyone will admire you and envy you. Being a Jedi is an honour you cannot turn down. I don't even think it's possible."_

_ "But I don'__t want to become a Jedi. I don't even know what it is!" I cried, tears streaming down my cheeks._

_ "__Becoming a Jedi is much better than becoming a pirate, Addie," he smiled._

_ "Okay, guys, it's time to bring these criminals to justic__e. Master Kae, the girl's yours."_

_ The white-haired woman smiled pleasedly. "Whom should I inform about her __whereabouts?"_

_ "No one!" Buddy said and he stood up. He ingored my stretched hands begging him to take me in his arms again. "Her parents are dead. We've been bringing her up since that."_

_The woman narrowed her eyes, a strange smile playing on the corner of her lips. "Fair enough," she whispered and took my hand in hers. "Come, Adrianne. I'd like you to meet someone," she was talking to me and walking away from the place. I was looking over my shoulder, watching soldiers bidding Buddy and others to get in the large shuttle. I wanted to run back to them, but the lady held me too firmly. "Buddy! Buddy, no! Please, don't leave me! Buddy!"_

Cold water splashed my face. I kept my eyes closed and breathed through my mouth to calm myself down. "Hell," I exhaled slowly rubbing the water from my eyes. "Hell," I repeated and used my T-shirt to dry my face. Living through the painful farewell again was...

_Again? Not again, that's not how it happened! I wasn't that young when the crew was arrested. And there was no Jedi, just soldiers._ My hand grasped the edge of washbasin more tightly.

"Hey, you're okay?"

I hung my head, letting my hair hide my face. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you, Carth."

"I wasn't sleeping," he stated coming closer. I felt his hand on my back. "You're shaking."

"I'm cold," I lied and looked at my bare legs and feet.

"Yeah, and I'm Darth Malak. Come with me," he took my hand and led me out of the bathroom. We crossed the room in silence and entered the kitchen. T3's head moved to look at us, but he stayed quiet.

"What are we doing here?" I asked, but Carth only patted the desk ordering me to sit on it.

I sighed. "Okay, I'll play along." I jumped on it and watched him looking for something in the fridge. He pulled a blue milk out of it. "That's Mission's," I informed him.

"I'm sure she'd love to share it," he said. He poured me a glass and handed it to me.

I couldn't suppress smile before I took a sip. "Why am I drinking it?" I asked.

Carth moved to sit on the desk beside me. "I knew...eh...my wife, she...she used to have nightmares too. This always helped her to sleep peacefully."

I took a swallow again. "I appreciate it Carth. But every person's different. Why do you think..."

"You two are quite alike. At least...she told me once she'd met a Jedi who'd thought...well. If Ana had had a proper training she could have been Jedi. Runs in the family I guess," he laughed.

I looked at him over the edge of the glass. "She had a relative in the Order?"

"No, what makes you say that?" he asked confusedly.

"You just...ah, never mind. Thanks for the milk," I smiled at him and set the empty glass to the sink.

"If you don't mind me asking, what was the dream about? You were pretty shaken."

I shrugged. "I...don't know, actually. It reminded me of the time when I had to part with my family. For a minute after I woke up I was convinced that was how it had happened," I paused.

Carth looked dumbfounded. "I'm not sure what you mean."

"It didn't feel like a mere dream. More like a memory of some kind, buried somewhere deep inside my mind. It always does," I tried to explain. A shiver went down my spine at the moment. "It's crazy, I know. I can't fathom it either."

Carth jumped off the desk and took both of my hands into his. He pulled me down holding me close. "Maybe you could talk to Bastila. See if she could help you somehow."

I looked at his hands around my waist before meeting his eyes. "You are rather fond of touching me, aren't you?" I deliberately changed the topic.

"Am I?"

"Yeah. Every now and then put your hands on my arms or back, or around my shoulders," I went on watching his expression change from confused to guilty.

He let go of me and scratched the back of his neck. A light smile was playing on his lips. "Well, heh...show me a man who wouldn't want to..." I lifted my eyebrows at him. "I mean...uh. Alright. You got me there. I'm sorry."

"I'll forgive you under one condition," I spoke up before I could change my mind. "I...I'd really appreciate if I could share your bed tonight. I don't mean anything by it. I just don't feel like sleeping alone right now."

Canderous was already waiting for us when we entered Javyar's cantina. He wore the same black T-shirt, red vest and white trousers tucked in his boots like the previous day. He kept his repeater on the table and his eyes were focused on me as we came closer.

A content smirk appeared on his face when he drank his shot bottoms up. He waited until I sat down in front of him. "So," he said in his deep voice. "I've heard someone broke in the Sith base. I know it was you. Do you have the codes?" he asked and casted his eyes over Carth and Bastila.

Neither of them seemed very pleased by my choice of allies. Bastila had her arms crossed in front of her and Carth was frowning, scrutinizing the Mandalorian with disapproval in his eyes.

"Our droid has them," I nodded towards T3. "Now it's your turn."

"Of course, sweet thing," he smirked. "I'll take you to Davik just like I promised. But only you. Your friends..." he paused again, glancing at them, "will have to stay here."

"Not happening," Carth reacted immediately.

"I agree with Carth," Bastila came in. "Someone should come with you."

"T3's going," I looked at them. "And Canderous."

Carth laughed humourlessly. "Exactly."

I stood up again and took him by his elbow. "You promised," I whispered to him.

"I don't trust him."

"The war is over. And he needs us."

"He needs T3, not you."

I smiled at him and caressed his cheek. "You worry too much," I whispered and added out loud: "Take Bastila and go back to the apartment. And get ready. We'll pick you up on the platform in front of the building. Don't forget to bring Mission and Zaalbar along."

Canderous took me and T3 to the hangar on top of one of the skyscrapers. "And last advice," the Mandalorian said when we all get out of his airspeeder. "Davik likes strong personalities. So don't hold back, go ahead and exaggerate. He won't have time to do a proper background check anyway."

"Okay," I nodded, ready to play my part in this charade.

"After you," he opened the door to the apartment and motioned me to go first. I entered huge entrance hall with plants all around walls. Thanks to the large and rather old fashioned fan on the ceiling I could feel a soft breeze on my face.

"This way," Canderous pointed to the other side of the room. He led me through part of Davik's luxurious apartment until we arrived at his living room. Alongside one of its wall there was a huge aquarium with all kinds of exotic fish. His sofa was covered with fluffy and comfortable looking pillows. And I was sure the large music player and the modern holoprojector had to cost him a fortune. But assuming he was local crime Lord, furthermore working for the Exchange, furnishing this apartment probably wasn't high outlay for him.

I was admiring the room until two other persons came in. The older one of the couple had purple battle suit on and was equipped with two blasters as if he was expecting a fight. That had to be Davik Kang.

I recognized the other one. It was the bounty hunter we'd met with Carth. Infamous Calo Nord. As well as Davik, Calo was armed to teeth too. It was hard to miss how he looked daggers at Canderous.

Davik's face lit up with broad smile when we came closer. "Ah, Canderous. I'm glad to see you again. Especially you, miss," he added glancing towards me. And when I offered my hand to handshake, he turned it and kissed my knuckles. "I saw you racing, my dear. Pretty impressive. I especially liked how you sorted Brejik out."

"That's how people end when they cross my way," I replied in low voice.

My answer was apparently pleasing to his ears for he smiled. "My words exactly."

"Why did you bring her along, Canderous? Are you getting soft?" Calo shot the Mandalorian a venomous look which could be compared to the one Canderous gave him.

"Shut up, Calo. You might be the newest hound in the pack, but you're not top dog yet."

"Enough," Davik stepped in. "I won't have my two best men killing each other. Calo I believe Canderous has a serious reason why he doesn't travel alone anymore."

"I do. Raven expressed her desire to become part of the Exchange. And people of her skills are hard to find nowadays. She could be a great asset."

"Hm," Davik mused and looked me up and down. "Maybe you're right Canderous. That might be a good idea. What do you think?" he asked me.

"I'd kill for such an honour," I answered.

He smiled slightly. "Well, that's good to hear. We'll do a background check on you and if things go smoothly I'll be happy to welcome you in the Exchange in a matter of few weeks. But before it's done, you'll be my guest here on Taris. Come, I'll show you around," he offered and put his arm around my waist.

The tour took us fifteen minutes. His apartment was the largest I'd ever seen and there were a lot of interesting things to see. However the most intriguing one was in the hangar.

"Oh my, such beauty," I admired frankly.

"Yes. That's my pride," he preened gesturing towards the ship. She was low; she probably had only one deck. It was apparent he was taking good care of her; no scratches, no crumpling. According to how clean she was Davik wasn't using her for some time. _Of course, the quarantine._

"That's my Ebon Hawk," he kept on. "Don't let her size fool you. She's small, but one of the fastest ship in the Outer Rim."

"Could you take me inside?" I turned to the old man.

He shook his head. "Maybe some other time, my dear. Now I'll take you to your room. I have a lot of work to do yet."

"That's understandable," I nodded and let him lead me away. I tried my best to remember the way. We stopped shortly at some open door leading to the room with large luxurious bed and few lockers. "This is your place for now. Please, don't bother my other guests. If you feel like it, my slaves are at your disposal. Just walk down this corridor," he showed me where to go.

"Of course Davik," I offered him a smile. "Frankly, I'm looking forward to finally working with someone like you."

Without any other word he nodded to me and left the room, the door closed behind him. I bit my lip and looked around. I had no idea where Canderous was, but was sure he'd find me sooner or later. "We'll have to sit and wait, T3," I talked to the droid and he beeped approvingly.

It took him longer than I thought. At least an hour passed before the door opened again with Canderous standing in its frame. "Come, we need to hurry," was all he said before disappearing into the corridor. I caught up on him immediately. "How are we to steal the ship?"

"We're lucky. Davik's slaves told me her former pilot, Hudrow, was being tortured somewhere in here. We need to find him and persuade him to tell us her security codes."

"Somewhere in here...I see...So you don't know exactly where he is."

"No."

It wasn't that difficult to find him at the end. The torture room had to be in part of this apartment Davik didn't show me. So when we stepped into corridor I didn't recognize I knew we were closing to our destination.

Hudrow was the only one in the room. He was held in a torture cell, sitting on the floor, and guarded by droids. I sent T3 in who used his computer skills to deactivate the droids via console.

"That was clever," Canderous acknowledged and looked at the droid lying on the floor.

"Bloodshed isn't always the answer, Canderous," I said simply and shut off the torture cell.

Hudrow slowly raised his head. His eyes were suffused with blood and he looked drained. He had been bleeding from his mouth and nose, but he hadn't bothered to wipe the blood away.

I approached him and helped him to stand up carefully. I led him out of the cell supporting him.

"Thank you," he rasped. "I'm not sure how much more I could take before going mad," he smiled.

"Hudrow," Canderous talked to him. "Do you still remember the codes to Davik's girl?"

The man slowly turned his head after the voice and it took him a while before he recognized the Mandalorian. "Canderous? Is that you? The last thing I remember before Davik put me here was when he sent you to the Under City to search the pods. Glad you made it alive."

"The pods? But that was week ago!" I exclaimed. "You've been here ever since? That man's sick!"

"Yeah," he nodded. "That happens when he catches you stealing the spice from him."

"I'm not surprised," Canderous growled. "But now, do you remember the codes? We need to get out of here and Ebon Hawk's the only one here willing to take us away."

"Of course I remember."

"Could you give them to our droid?"I asked him and pointed to T3 who chimed cheerfully.

"Only if you take me with you. I'm not staying here...he'd find me anywhere."

"It's a deal," I nodded. After he was done, together with Canderous we grabbed him under his arms from either side and left the room as fast as he could manage. T3 rode behind us, never making a sound. And with every step we made I felt more and more uneasily. It was the infamous feeling of mine and I knew if we didn't hurry something terrible would happen. What the _something_ was I found out the moment we already had the hangar door at our sight. Out of blue a loud explosion quaked the whole building, followed by others.

"What the...?" Canderous asked.

"No idea, but we better get out of here!"

We literally dragged powerless Hudrow behind us when we started running towards the hangar. The door opened and we ran inside. Through opened hangar's outer door I could see what was happening. From the sky thousands thick red laser beams were raining on the completely defenceless city. I watched in horror as the Sith kept bombarding the planet ruthlessly and in my mind I could hear only one word: Telos. "For the Force's sake!" I gasped.

"Don't stop now!" Canderous managed to throw Hudrow over his shoulder to free his hand and he used it to grab me roughly by my elbow forcing me to move again.

"Damn the Sith, they're bombing the whole planet! I knew they'd turn on us sooner or..." The two figures running from the other side of the hangar caught our attention. Davik and Calo stopped at their tracks when they spotted us too. "Look what we got here. Thieves in the hangar!"

"Don't worry Davik. I'll take care of them. I've been looking to it for a long time," Calo said already drawing his blasters. He lifted them and aimed at Canderous.

Canderous threw Hudrow off, grabbing his repeater in both hands and making few steps forward. I tried to catch the pilot, but he fell right on my left hand. With scream which was drowned in all the blasts around I let him fall on the ground when I flinched.

The anxious feeling run through me again I clearly hear the collapsing sound and everything around me got lost in a cloud of dust making me cough. But second later it all was gone.

"The ceiling!" I yelled and ran to Canderous. I grasped his shoulder and pulled back, preventing him from advancing forward. Another explosion shook the hangar and one of the laser beams shot right in front of us, tossing us back. I felt a sharp pain shot through my leg when we hit the floor. My eyes watered due to the dust and I couldn't breathe. "Ugh! Canderous! Get off me! You're heavy..." I moaned. He obeyed immediately. He went to pick up his gun before he helped me up. "How did you know...?"

"I simply did," I cut him off and refused to look at the bleeding limb with large piece of shrapnel in it. I noticed the ceiling not far from us was collapsed, probably burying both Calo and Davik underneath. As for Hudrow, he had one of the other shrapnel sticking out of his chest. Dead.

"The ship," I hissed through my teeth as I tried to stand on the leg. Canderous put one of my hands around his shoulder to help me. Together we made our way towards the ship and up her loading ramp, T3 followed with loud screaming. We went into the main hold where Canderous sat me down on the black seats there before running towards the cockpit.

"The codes T3. And don't forget to pick up the others," I bid him to follow Canderous before using my comlink to let Carth know we're on our way. I pulled out the shrapnel and used the bandages from my hand to strangle my thigh to stop the bleeding. Then I limped into the cockpit too. We were just arriving to the pickup point.

"Okay, let's get out of here," Canderous growled when everyone was on board. I heard loud steps running to us and soon Bastila and Carth appeared from the corridor.

"Take over her, republic, I'll go take care of the main turret," Canderous called on the pilot and stood up from the seat. Carth didn't hesitate. Bastila sat in the co-pilot seat to help him pilot the ship. When we left the atmosphere a small group of fighters from the Sith fleet tried to follow us, but Canderous proved to be skilled gunner. Before we knew it we finally jumped into hyperspace.

"We need somewhere safe to hide for now," Bastila was the first one to speak after everything around us went silent.

I took my breath to say something, but Carth was faster. "Hide? Where? Haven't you seen what happened to Taris? Let me tell you: Malak has completely annihilated the entire planet! There's nowhere to hide from something like that!"

"There is if you know the right places," she stood firm. "We're on our way to Dantooine."

"Why Dantooine?" I asked. "There's nothing."

It was only then the two of them acknowledge my presence. Bastila merely looked at me and frowned for a moment, but Carth sprung to his feet. "Raven!" In a second he was kneeling beside me putting my leg on his knee. With care he rolled out my trouser leg, making a face when he saw the wound.

"There's a Jedi Enclave on the planet. I'm sure we'll be safe there. Masters would feel any approaching danger beforehand," Bastila said.

"If you say so," Carth mumbled and I had the feeling he wasn't actually listening to her. He placed his hands under my knees and back and lifted me from the seat.

"Hey!" I laughed, surprised by his action. "What are you doing?"

"Taking you to the infirmary, if there is any. There should be," he answered frowning. We entered the main hold. He continued to the corridor right in front of us and to our right we found the sickbay. He put me on the only bed here and started looking around for something.

"Is there morphine somewhere?" I asked. "I could use it."

"I don't think it's a good idea to..."

"I can't walk this way. And I'm sure you don't want to carry me around all the time. Just give me morphine and patch it up. I need to speak to Mission."

"Yeah, she's not...taking it well. I mean, she's trying to put on a brave face, but..."

"...she's just a kid," I added and hissed when he injected the narcotic like I requested. "Ouch," I said out loud when I spotted a bottle with disinfection in his hands I frowned at him. "I always hated this part."

He shrugged and pour it over the wound making me tightened every muscle in my body in pain. "Sorry," he mumbled when he finally started dressing the wound. He was working in silence except from occasional mutter like: "pierced through", "foolish" and other nice things. I had to smile despite the pain.

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><p>So...end of the chapter 8. Thanks everyone for reading and if you review I'll like you even more :)<p> 


	9. Interrogation

Disclaimer: I don't own Kotor or any of the characters.

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><p>Hearing the silent weeping from behind the locked door to the crew's quarters pained me much more than anything I suffered on Taris. For a second I was just standing there, listening and feeling terribly for the poor girl.<p>

When I had been told the news about Telos I'd been shocked at first and refused to believe it. I'd been repeating to myself: _they wouldn't dare_. But denial hadn't helped at all. Pain, grief, emptiness, helplessness, anger and hatred...never before I had thought one could have all these emotions at once. And to think I hadn't been even there to watch the planet being levelled by Malak's fleet...

And Mission was only a kid who just lost everything and everyone she knew.

"Mission?" I addressed the girl silently. At first I thought she hadn't heard me, but after a while I heard her weepy voice. "What do you want?" she screamed.

"Just to talk."

"Leave me alone!"

I sighed and leaned against the cold iron wall with my back. "Mission, please. This won't help you. It will only get worse. Believe me. I know what you're feeling right now and..."

"What can _you_ know about what I feel? You don't know what it is like!"

"And here Mission you're entirely mistaken. I'm Telosian," I broke off.

The crying stopped. I heard soft steps before the door finally opened. Mission's puffy eyes looked at me from the dark room. "Are you?" she asked so quietly I didn't almost hear her.

I nodded and taking the girl in my arms I went to the room. The leg forced me to sit on the closest of the beds there. As I did so, she immediately crawled into my lap and pressed her face to my shoulder, blissfully oblivious to the pain she was causing me. I caught a glimpse of a dark shadow in the corner of the room I suspected to be Zaalbar. Quietly and completely motionlessly he watched me rocking the girl gently from side to side. "It's okay, just let it all out," I whispered to her.

"How could they do that?" she mumbled sounding shattered. "Trillions of people lived there. They had their own men stationed there!"

"They don't think about it that way, Mission. Dark side knows no mercy or compassion," I whispered stroking her head.

"Can you...can you imagine what would have happened if we hadn't met you and Carth?" she sobbed and straightened to look at me.

"Don't think about it. We've met." I cupped her face and used my thumbs to dry her cheeks.

Her forehead wrinkled. "You must think I'm incredibly stupid, crying here like a little girl."

"Of course not," I shook my head. "Something like that would shake the strongest of person, Mission, you have nothing to be ashamed of. And I'm here if you need to talk. That's what friends are for after all," I offered her a smile, hoping she would give me one of hers.

But she only hugged me tightly again, her chin rested on my shoulder. "I...I just can't stop thinking if things had occurred differently me and Zaalbar would have been somewhere in the Lower City when the attack came," she whispered. She took a sharp breath and looked at me again, her eyes wide. "But what about Griff?" she gasped. "What if he hears about Taris? He'll think I'm dead!"

"Wait a sec, Mish. Who's Griff?" I asked.

"That's my brother."

I blinked. "I had no idea you had brother. Why wasn't he with you?"

She shrugged. "He left to earn some money. He wanted to come back for me, but..." she stopped for a moment, taking breath and frowning. "He would have never abandoned me if it weren't for that schutta Lena!"

"Mission, mind your language!"

"She deserves it! She was only after his credits. And when he had none, he was forced to find work, but couldn't get any on Taris. That's why he left. And Lena didn't want me to go with them. Gods, what if he thinks I'm..."

I covered her mouth with my hand to stop the flow of her words. "Mission let me tell you something. Right now we're heading to Dantooine, Bastila's choice. But how about we'd take the Ebon Hawk then and try to find your brother? Wherever he is?"

Mission bit her lip. "Do you mean it? You'd do this for me?"

"Whenever," I smiled.

"That means...we can stay with you?" Her voice was now even higher then when she cried.

"Of course. I won't cast you away," I almost laughed at her expression.

She hugged me once more and this time I was glad she did it with broad smile on her face. "You know what's strange? Taris was terrible place. I didn't like it, but...now that it's gone..."

"I know," I nodded. "And Malak will pay for that. He'll pay for everything he's done."

"Yeah, I think you're right," she shrugged. "Now when Revan's dead, it's only matter of time before Jedi kill Malak too," she agreed silently. Over her shoulder a saw a figure standing at the doorframe.

"Eh...Mission?" I asked, tearing my eyes off Carth and looking back at her. "I think you should rest a little. Maybe after you wake up you'll feel better."

"You think?"

"You never know until you try, hm?"

She hesitated for a second, but then nodded. I stood up and allowed her to lie down. "Zaalbar? Keep an eye on her," I said to the Wookie before leaving the room, closing the door behind me.

"I assume you want something?" I asked him.

"I wanted to ask you..."

"Not here, come. I bet Davik had something to drink stored in the cargo hold. And right now I need a shot or two." I didn't wait for his answer and started limping down the corridor. I turned right and went through the first door I saw. "Ha, there," I smiled when I entered the small room with food synthesizer and lots of boxes. I opened few crates before I finally found what I was looking for. "Corellian brandy. Hm, Davik had taste," I smiled. I sat on one of the crates. "But we have no glasses," I added opening the bottle.

Carth took it from my hands immediately. "That's not a good idea."

"It is. I just want to relax a little, not to drink myself under the table. Providing there was any. So give it back," I wanted to take it from him, but when he stretched his am upwards I couldn't reach it being smaller than him and unable to jump right now. "Okay," I crossed my arms in front of me. "I have my experience with annoying pilots. Ian used to do that a lot too. And I always punched him in the stomach to bend over. Unless you want to suffer the same fate..." I didn't finish and stretched my hand palm up.

He grinned and took a sip before handing me the bottle. He sat on one of the crates.

"A toast to Taris," I said before drinking some of the brandy too. "So what did you want to ask me?"

"How did you know?"

"How did I know what?"

"Back in the sewers," Carth paused and took the bottle from me again, "you said something was going to happen. This was it."

"And what exactly do you expect me to say?" I asked after awhile of silence.

He was looking at me as helplessly as I was feeling that moment. "I don't really know. I just...how does it work? I mean, how does the Force tell you all this?"

"It's a feeling usually. Just a vague blend of emotions. I don't know what or when, only that something will happen."

"And when we first arrived in the Lower City?" he kept asking. I looked at him. At first I was suspecting his paranoia was kicking in again and we were on the beggining of another I-cannot-trust-you-or-anyone-ever-again confrontation, but he seemed to be just curious.

"You're talking about that Duros I shot, aren't you?" I paused, giving him enough time to nod. "Well, that was different. I saw him. When we were in that lift I saw the door open and he stood behind it."

"Like..."

"Yeah. Really saw. As if he was there. At first I thought it was just another hallucination, but...maybe the Sith at the base was right about the Force and this is just its way how to tell me...something I don't understand yet," I sighed and hugged myself. "Creepy, isn't it?" I smiled. "I know this must sound incredible."

He nodded a strange distant look in his eyes. "Yeah, it does, but maybe you should try to find out what it means. It might be important." My eyebrow raised and I looked at him with incredulous expression. He shrugged. "The Mandalorian Wars taught me to listen to it. I met a Jedi there who foretold the attack on Serroco," a bitter expression appeared on his face as he recalled that day. "In spite of how ridiculous it sounded I believed him and I sent the population of seventeen cities underground with a false tornado warning in order to save them. _I hope, if it comes to it, somebody would play the same joke on my family_, I said to that boy," he hung his head.

I reached and touched his hand. "I've spoken to Mission already, but completely forgot about you. How are you?"

"How are _you_?" he returned.

"I asked first."

"What are you two doing here?" We both looked up and saw Bastila's slim figure standing in the doorframe. She was looking at us with stoic expression, as always, but somehow I _knew_ the fact she caught us in here wasn't keeping her all that indifferent.

"Drinking. Wanna join?" I took the bottle from Carth and showed her it.

"No thanks," she refused, but stepped in. "I wanted to talk to you if possible."

"Sure, what's on your mind?" I asked and used the opportunity to drink the brandy some more.

Her eyes glanced to Carth. A few seconds none of us moved, but then he stood up, taking the bottle again and putting it back to the crate. "I'll take the cockpit duty."

"You didn't answer me," I reminded him.

"I'm fine," was all he said before disappearing in the corridor. I sighed and turned to Bastila. "Sorry, the question again?"

"I was thinking and I'd like to know how exactly you managed to find me back on Taris," she asked, sitting down on one of the boxes too.

"We were mostly lucky, I suppose," I shrugged. "We just were at the right time at the right place, met the right people, you know. I doubt we'd have found you without their help."

"You speak with modesty."

"No, I speak facts. Without Mission and Zaalbar, Gadon and Canderous, we'd have been lost."

Her eyes narrowed. "And has it ever occurred to you that it was more than a mere luck, as you put it, what brought you to the right places?"

I laughed. "Well, it seemed a little absurd at certain moments, but no. It was all one big coincidence."

"We Jedi know there's no coincidence. Only the Force," she uttered.

"Lucky me I'm just a soldier then," I smiled at her.

She looked at me as if she couldn't believe her ears, but just for a second. "Yes, of course. If you don't mind, I'd like to know something else."

"Go ahead."

"When we first met on Taris...after the race," she started, seeming suddenly unsure of herself. On one hand I was glad her Jedi-face was gone, but on the other hand it made me feel insecure myself.

"Yes?" I encouraged her to continue.

And so she did. "You hesitated. Took a step back even as if you were afraid of me. Why?"

I bit my lip, looking away. I didn't want anybody to know about how my head plays tricks on me, but she was a Jedi. And if these are indeed because of the Force the Sith on the base mentioned, maybe she was the person I should confide in. "I...saw something," I started, not really sure how to put it. "I saw you, but from the past. The day you fought Darth Revan, I guess," I recalled the dream I had before waking up.

"I...see," she answered slowly. "And I apologize."

"What for?"

"It was my fault you saw that image. It was one of my intense memories which was somehow sent to you. As unusually as it might seem, it only confirms what I suspected. You are what we call force-sensitive."

"I know," I nodded and wanted to tell her about the Sith apprentice, but how she blenched stopped me. "Hey, are you alright?"

"I am," she lied and stood up. "As I was about to say, the Force is complicated. If you weren't...I mean if you were younger, maybe the Masters would take you to the training, but as it is I don't think..."

"And I'm glad of it. I would be a terrible Jedi," I didn't let her finish and stood up too. "I'm going to take a tour around the ship to see what Davik had here, if the leg allows me. Are you going?"

"No. I-I need to meditate on...what transpired."

I shrugged. "Have it your way."

...

"Hi Jasmine. I just wanted you to know I'm alright. I've survived both Endire Spire and Taris. It was pretty close however. We were still on the planet when the bombardment started. And all I could do at the moment was thinking about Telos. I thought I'd got over it already, but…seeing all the lasers back there stirred something in me again. I'm just glad we made it," I sighed and looked around the main hold. "I'd like to tell you more, but Carth forbid me to say anything about it or our position now until we speak to our superiors first. He's always been paranoid," I chuckled, but the smile soon froze on my lips.

It took me a while to start speaking again. "Do you remember Gurnay? He was nursing me back to health in the hospital, I'm sure you remember him. He was on Taris and I'm afraid he didn't make it. I keep thinking if there was anything I could to help him. There was, sure, but we didn't have time to do anything. We almost died there ourselves. At least we saved Mission. Eh...that's a Twi'lek girl we met there. She's incredible. I was afraid she'd mourn over Taris for days, but she's good now. Yeah, she has this sad look in her eyes from time to time, but…you know. Not so long ago she even asked me to play Pazaak with her. I don't like the game, but I agreed and you know what? It was a draw. That's because we both cheated like hell. But I think cheating in cards is the least of my crimes considering everything I've done," I realized and rubbed my face. "I really should go to cockpit help Carth land with this baby. I'll be back on Coruscant as soon as I can. And then we'll talk. Take care until then. Bye." I gave my friend a faint smile before stopping the recording and finally sending the message away.

T3 happily chimed. I'd asked him not to make any noise while I was talking and I suppose he was glad he could "speak" now. "Yeah, I know. Thanks for your patience," I patted the droid's little head when passing him by and continued limping down the narrow corridor to the cockpit. When I entered, we had already Dantooine in sight. From above it looked so much like Telos used to. Green with blue marks as oceans or large lakes. "It looks tranquil," I uttered and slowly seated myself in the co-pilot's seat.

"I'd say boring," Carth opposed. "Thanks for coming. I really have enough of Bastila to last a lifetime."

I chuckled and kept looking on the approaching planet. "Why?"

"I get the feeling she thinks the fact she requested you onboard Endire Spire makes her your protector or something."

"What do you mean?" I wasn't surprised to find out about the request. After all, it was signed with the _Padawan_ before the woman's name. I didn't even know who she was. She had to die on the Endire Spire. Or Taris.

"She spent almost whole day lecturing me how I should treat you."

"I'm sure it must have been very educational," I laughed. "Do I want to know what it was about?"

"No, you don't sister. Believe me," he said quietly.

I looked at him with a lopsided smile. "Now you've aroused my curiosity. Spit it out."

He only shook his head. "She saw us back on Taris, sleeping on the same mattress, and found it _highly inappropriate_."

I frowned. "Why? It's not like we did anything."

"That's what I told her, but she just _recommended_ me to _cease such behaviour in the future._"

This time I chuckled. "How very Jedi-like. But I understand her."

"What?"

"Don't get me wrong. She's nosy, but it's not her fault. She's been brought up this way. I bet she has never even kissed anyone," I shrugged simply and watched bright shades of yellow and orange appeared around the ship as she entered the atmosphere. I closed my eyes and nestled comfortably against the seat, listening to the soft beeping sounds Ebon Hawk made. I had to smile. This reminded me of the time back on Ankara. Buddy and I used to spend so much time in the cockpit together. He was trying to teach me to pilot the ship and I often grew so tired I simply fell asleep where I was, with Ankara singing me her lullaby. She was much noisier than Ebon Hawk of course. After all Ankara was an old lady.

"A credit for your thoughts," Carth's voice brought me back to reality.

"Why are you interested at what's in my head?" I asked him and looked at his profile.

"Because of that irresistibly charming smile you had on."

"Yeah," I exhaled slowly, smiling again, and combed my hair with my fingers. "I was just reminiscing about the good old days."

"About that kid gang of yours?" he joked, unbeknown to how close to the truth he was.

"You could say that."

I heard someone coming, but before I managed to turn in the seat to get a better view at the corridor I heard Bastila. "How long until we finally land?" she asked in slightly impatient voice. No, that wasn't right. Her tone was as stoic and calm as usual, as well as her face. But somehow I got the feeling she was impatient.

"Give me few more minutes," Carth answered curtly.

She nodded silently, but didn't leave the room, giving me a searching look.

"What?" I asked.

"How's your leg?" she asked.

I raised my eyebrow. "It's been only a day. What do you think?"

"I was trying to be polite," she answered calmly and sat down on the seat behind Carth. She stayed with us in the cockpit until we finally landed. She mumbled something about "the Jedi Council" and "recent developments" and disappeared. We soon could see her through the cockpit window as she made her way to the small round building. She was almost running.

"I could use a fresh air too," I brought up and looked at Carth.

"And you're telling me that 'cause you want me to help you, right?"

I smiled at him sweetly. He stood up and helped me to my feet, wrapping one of his hands around my waist. Together we went through the silent ship and down the ramp. The bright sun had me blinded the moment we left the ship, but it was nice to feel its caress on my face again.

The Dantooine's air was pleasantly warmth and it held a scent of wild flowers and trees, which grew around paved landing areas. The whole hangar was skirted with high wall.

"This is weird," I mumbled looking around the place. Except for Ebon Hawk several other ships stood there, probably owned by merchants who were trying to sell their goods here. There were a lot of Jedi around us and few kids were playing tag in the grass. Everything felt so peaceful and calm. And familiar.

"What's weird?"

"Nothing," I lied and gestured him to move forward, inside the building.

I felt cold. It was raining and my robes were drenched.

"Yeah, sure. And what about those goose bumps on your hands?"

The whole place was dark and I could hear distant sounds of thunder. The storm was getting close. Literally. The Mandalorian threat was spreading all over the Outer Rim. that's why I was there. To bring the terrible news about Cathar - and Serroco - to them in hope they'd finally step in.

"Raven?" I felt a hand on my face. Carth's fingers gently tilted my head to look at him. I had to close my eyes to shield them from the sun.

"I just recalled something," I lied and turned my head away.

"You didn't. What is it Raven? What's troubling you?"

I kept looking at the floor, from one tile to another. It felt uncomfortable to be talking about it. This mental weakness of mine was the only thing I was ashamed for, especially becuase I had no control over it. I knew Carth was only minding my wellbeing. He wasn't thinking me some madman or at least I hoped so, but it was difficult to bring myself to speak nevertheless. "It was raining," I whispered. "I was there, on the same place we are right now, and it was raining. I was worried over the war and I was here because of it."

Carth nudged me gently to get me walking again. "Were you a refugee?" he offered a possible explanation.

"No," I shook my head. "I wasn't running. I was there to do something important, but I can't remember what it was."

"And did you know it during that...vision? Or you didn't know it at all?"

"I did. I always do. But when it's over I forget the details. Names, faces, places, reasons..." I paused, realizing something. "Come to think of it, when I had first such...vision, all I remembered were mere emotions. But with time I'm beginning to remember more and more."

"Is that a good thing?"

"I don't know," I shrugged. I felt his hand tighten around my waist. In silence we arrived at a small square with large blba tree in the middle. There was no roof above our heads and a bunch of local children was lying on the ground, basking. I spotted a Wookie nearby, which puzzled me for a moment, until I noticed a blue Twi'lek hiding in the treetop. She grinned and waved her hand at us.

"Urchin," I smiled.

"I'll tell her you said it," Carth grinned too, looking at the girl as she was swaying her legs and watching the blue sky.

I clicked my tongue and touched his hand. When I did so, I heard someone clear her throat behind us.

"Yes, Bastila?" we turned to her.

"I was just looking for you, Revan."

I snickered. "You meant Raven, right?"

"O-of course, I'm sorry," she nodded and shifted her weight, her eyes looking anywhere but at me. "I spoke to the Council about Taris briefly and they would like an audience with you."

"An audience with the Jedi Council?" both I and Carth repeated in unison. "That's pretty unusual for a non-Jedi," he added, while I was looking at the young woman before me.

"Shouldn't they want to speak with Carth rather than me? He's my superior after all."

"I've noticed," she said with a hint of irony as her eyes lingered for a moment on my hand covering Carth's. "But the Council wishes to hear the story from your perspective. As you were the one who was there all the time. I don't remember seeing Carth during that race," she proved her point. Nonetheless it still seemed stupid to me.

We just stood there for a moment letting the cold raindrops fall on us. Her face was calm, but I could feel her inner struggle. Her fists clenched as Bastila closed her eyes. She shook her head and turned around. With silent farewell she disappeared into the corridor, leaving me standing there alone.

I blinked and pressed my fingers into my eyes to get rid of the image. "I'm...not sure, Bastila. I don't feel very well and my leg..."

"There are seats. You can use one of them," she pressed on.

I sighed. "I don't have a choice, do I? Okay, let's get it over it."

She gave me a nod and led me and Carth into a round room, a classroom probably, with lot of black chairs forming a circle alongside its walls. Four people were standing in the middle of it. A Twi'lek with pink skin, dressed in dark blue Jedi robes, two humans, one bald with dark skin, wearing a brown Jedi robe, the other old, pale with sharp eyes which were glaring daggers at me. This Jedi, dressed in red, crossed his arms in front of him the moment we entered the room. The last person was...I had no idea what it was. He was small with brownish skin, pointy ears and large bulged eyes. He looked old and fragile, but something was telling he was anything but these.

The Twi'lek immediately waved his hand towards the chairs. One of them was lifted in the air and it flew to the centre of the room. Carth helped me sit on it.

"Thank you for your assistance, Mr. Onasi," the Twi'lek addressed him. "We'd like to speak with Mrs. Simons in private however."

Carth looked at me. I grasped the front of his jacked and lowered him to me. "Could you wait outside? The sooner they interrogate me the sooner we can get out of here," I whispered to him. He frowned and left the room. I turned to the four Jedi before me with Bastila standing beside my chair with her hands behind her back.

"So, you're the one who saved Bastila?" The Twi'lek said after a short pause.

"I didn't save her," I shook my head.

The four Masters looked at each other. "How so?" The old Jedi asked.

"Well...she sort of saved herself. You know, she managed to get out of the cage without my help and together we only fought Brejik and his minions. And she did well even without her ligh..."

Bastila laid her hand on my shoulder. "Masters were referring to the escape from Taris."

"Oh," I took a slow breath. "Well, that wasn't me either. We all worked on that. Together."

Again Bastila intervened, taking a step forward. "Raven's too modest, Masters. It was her actions which gave us the chance to get off the planet. Thanks to her we were lucky to make it."

_If you say so,_ I thought and was watching the Masters wordlessly. After all if they wanted to make a brave and courageous hero out of me, who was I to argue?

"Modesty is one of the best human qualities," the Twi'lek praised me. "But right now I think we have you in a disadvantage. Let me introduce us before we continue this discussion. I am Master Zhar. This," he gestured his hand towards the old man, "is Master Vrook. Next to him is Master Vandar and of course the chronicler of our Order, Master Dorak." The swarthy Jedi nodded at that and smiled a little.

"Pleased to meet you," I replied without thinking.

"If you don't mind we have a few questions," Master Vrook started and shot me another distrustful and scornful look. Without waiting for my reaction he went on. "How would you describe all the events which happened on Taris. From the very beginning."

I bit my lip before taking a breath. "We were lucky, me and Carth. Each time we were stuck and didn't know where to go or what to do, we accidentally met someone who helped us, brought us a step forward and made everything look much easier. Or more difficult, that depended on the situation. However, without those people we'd have never gotten out of Taris alive."

"So pure luck it was?" Master Vandar asked gently. He was watching me with unreadable face, but I got the feeling my presence intrigued him.

"Not just luck. My friends helped a lot. For example, if it weren't for Mission, we'd have probably never met Davik and had no one to point us at the right direction," I shrugged. The looks they all were giving me were uncomfortably intense. Almost like they wanted to read my mind or something. Was it even possible?

"Your friends?" Dorak repeated. "And what about your own abilities?"

"My abili..." I didn't finish. Was he questioning me? But why would he? "I tried my best if that's what you're asking."

"What do you do exactly?" Vrook asked again.

"I'm a soldier. I joined the republic when I was eighteen," I answered and frowned. What did my profession have to do with what happened on Taris?

"How long is that?" he kept on.

Now that was odd question. "Eleven years, if you must k now," I answered with a visible reluctance. I crossed my arms in front of me.

I noticed Vandar moved the tips of his ears. "And how's been your service so far? Could you summarize it in few sentences?"

"No, I couldn't. This has nothing to do with Taris. Why are you asking it?"

"You're mistaken, Mrs. Simons," said Master Zhar. "Your past made you a person you are now. And if we understand your past, we can better understand who you are today."

"If you just wanted to know details of my career, you could ask Bastila," I kept stubbornly on.

I noticed the change immediately. All of the Masters had the same strange look in their eyes and Bastila shifted her weight, her hand griped at the backrest of my chair. Not to mention the mood in this room felt differently too.

"Why would they ask me?" Bastila was really trying to sound causally, but I sensed a hint of fear in her voice.

"You requested my transfer, Carth said. You had to read my service records then." The thick atmosphere suddenly eased a little after that. _Something's seriously amiss here..._

"Your service records were written by one of your superiors," Vandar said. "But we want to know your opinion on the matter."

I sighed and closed my eyes, rolling them behind the closed lids. "Okay," I said, slowly realizing all resistance was futile. "I started on Telos, right after I finished the Academy. And I returned there after the war was over. Shortly before its destruction, however, I got transferred and since that I was stationed on few backwater planets. I don't even remember their names anymore. And recently there was Endire Spire. You know the rest. And all this time I made no mistakes, no complaints were made about me. My service is absolutely flawless."

"And what about your health?" Vrook asked and I didn't miss how he looked at my hand and leg.

"I got to see the infirmary from inside few times during the war of course. But nothing more, well, except for an airspeeder accident."

Now it was Master Vandar's turn to speak. And even before he started, I suddenly knew whatever he was going to say was the reason why I was there. "And have you ever noticed something unusual about you? Something you could find no explanation of?"

I looked at my lap for a second, a bitter smile appearing on my lips. "Why didn't you ask sooner. You could have saved us a lot of time. You're, of course, interested in this whole _Force-adept_ thing, are you?"

"We can feel the Force is strong within you, young one," Dorak nodded. "Bastila thinks your success on Taris was possible partly thanks to your connection to the Force."

I wasn't even bothering to hide my impatience when I retorted."I have to disappoint you. I'm no Jedi. I have no super abilities, sorry. I'm just a soldier."

"What about your family then? Was there any..."

"No," I cut Master Zhar off. "My family is my business. I'm _not_ talking about it."

"We can understand that, Mrs. Simons. We've got one last question if you please," Vandar interfered, casting a glace towards Master Zhar.

"Go on then."

"How did you know about you being Force-sensitive? Before Padawan Bastila told you."

"I met a Dark Jedi on Taris. He felt it and was kind enough to tell me. I killed him," I shrugged. "Is that all? Can I leave now?"

Masters looked at each other and they slowly nodded. "You can, Mrs. Simons. Thank you for your time and, please, consider yourself our guest during your stay in the Enclave."

"Thanks, but I don't plan on staying for too long," I muttered under my breath and carefully stood up. I bit down on my tongue when I started limping towards the door. I felt their glares on my back when I stopped after a few steps. "Can I have a question too, Masters?"

"Of course."

I looked over my shoulder. "I don't have the ring and it's not in my service records. And don't try to tell me it was just a lucky guess," I broke off.

"What implying Mrs. Simons?"

"Precisely that, Master Vandar. How did you know I was married?"

* * *

><p>End of the chapter. I thank you for reading it and I'll be greatfull if you let me know what you think about it :)<p> 


	10. Mandies

Dislcaimer: I don't own Kotor

* * *

><p>„Okay, Big'Z. Let's look what's inside this one. And the winner is..." Mission's smiling face peeped through the opened door. "The infirmary! Hey Raven, what are you doing here?" she spotted me sitting on the bed and went inside, Zaalbar on her heels. But before I could answer she spoke up again. "Hey, that's the first time I see you without the bandages on your hand. Why did you have them?" she wondered and sat on the bed beside me.<p>

I chuckled and turned the left hand in the wrist, trying its flexibility. "I nearly got it cut off by a Dark Jedi. They could do nothing with it on Taris, but fortunately here they have means to fix things like that. I guess it's the only bright side of this place so far."

"Fix?" she frowned. "You talk about yourself like you were some droid or something."

I lifted the hand to my eye level. "Sort of. It's not flesh anymore. It looks convincing though." I narrowed my eyes at the spot where my real hand met the artificial one. If I didn't know it wasn't mine, I wouldn't tell the difference. It had exactly the same shape and skin colour. It even could take the temperature of my body and warm itself so that no one would guess it wasn't real. The only difference was I could no longer see my veins through the skin. There were none; the hand wouldn't bleed if cut.

Mission reached out and touched my hand with one of her fingers. "Can you feel it?" she looked at me questioningly.

"Of course I can. They would do a poor job if I didn't, don't you think?"

/Mission, I'm hungry,/ Zaalbar growled.

"Hush, Big'Z. We've just finished our snack. You'll get to eat later."

I chuckled. "You want him to starve to death? You're mean."

"Look who's talking," she poked me in my arm. "You're hiding here and Carth and Bastila are looking for you everywhere."

"Not everywhere; they haven't been here as far as I know. Anyway, why are they looking for me?"

"Well…" she looked thoughtful. "Bastila seemed upset when she returned. Carth angry. Did you do anything to them?"

I shook my head. "I did nothing to Carth. As for Bastila…well…" I broke off.

_"That's my fault, Raven. I assumed you, in your age, would be married."_

_I glanced at the Masters__ before looking back at her. "Oh? And what were you talking about that you had to refer to me as _Mrs. Simons,_ huh, Bastila?"_

_She stayed silent. Only her eyes moved to the Masters as if she sought help from them._

"_Come now Bas. I'm sure you can tell me. Whatever it was it concerned my person so it can't be anything I'm not aware of," I patronized her. "Still no answer, huh? Figures. So let me get things straight between us my dear Bastila. I'd like you to realize I'm none of your business from now on. That comes for you too," I looked at the Masters. "My past, present and future, my family and my job...whatever! And you," I looked back at the girl, "if you have an urgent need to lecture someone about my person again, try talking to me first. It was me who wanted to sleep with Carth, not the other way around."_

"_But..." she started, but I cut her off. "No but, Bastila. I understand you take such things in a little different way, but remember neither of us is Jedi. We can do whatever we want, whenever and wherever we want. So keep your intrusive __little nose out of our matters! Did I make myself clear?"I ended my speech in a sweet voice._

"_Impatient, arrogant, superior. She reminds me of someone."_

_I gave a humourless laugh. "You," I looked at the oldest of the Masters. "Don't even get me started about who's being arrogant and superior here, Vrook. If looks could kill I'd be a Bantha fodder right now because of the way you've been glaring at me since the second I limped in this fracking room," I retorted. "Oh, Nek take it, why do I even bother?" I turned around and left the room as fast as I could._

"…well, let's say I just spoke my mind," I finished with a mischievous grin. For some reasons talking back to the old Jedi really made me feel good. Like it was something I wanted to do for a long time and I finally did it.

The girl chuckled. "I don't want to be present next time you speak your mind."

"I wasn't that rude," I defended myself and she only laughed and tapped my shoulder. "I know you didn't. You're one of the kindest persons I've ever met. Of course, I never left Taris and I don't remember much about before we arrived there. But as far as Tarisians go..." she shrugged.

"We?" I repeated "You mean your family?" I asked and turned to her, bending right leg in a knee and laying it on the bed; it was nice to be able to move without pain again. Zaalbar just kept standing there, looking from Mission to me, depending on who was talking.

"No," she shook her head. "Just me and Griff. It was many years ago but I still remember it clearly. He couldn't afford the first class ticket, so…well…we were hidden in one of the crates with just enough food and water for the journey."

"Wait a minute. You were a stowaway?"

"Yeah, it was good. Griff made it look like a game. He knew how to treat me," she was smiling. Apparently she didn't catch the shocked tone of my voice. She said it had been several years ago. Now she was fourteen. "How old were you?"

"Five," she shrugged, not bothered by the fact.

"How could he do that to you at that age?" I asked shockingly.

"Well...I don't remember the whole story, I was pretty young, you see," she shrugged again. "But I guess he owed a lot of money, maybe there were some arrest warrants on him too. We had to get out of the planet and that was the only way out. I know it sounds like we were some criminals..." she broke off and frowned a little. "Well, maybe Griff was. But he wasn't that bad. He had his problems, but he always looked out for me," she smiled.

"Older siblings tend to do that," I whispered remembering how my own sister used to taking care of me, protecting me when necessary.

"Yeah," Mission nodded. "Without him I don't know where I'd be. He was the one who taught me everything I know today. How to slice into computers, get inside a locked building without having the entrance codes," she sighed with a smile. "In spite of everything he had a good heart."

I took her hand in mine. "We'll find him again Mission, no matter how hard it will be. I promise.

"I know. He may be anywhere in this galaxy, but when you say it, I believe it. And when do we start?" she brought up. "I mean, when do you plan to leave?"

"Tomorrow morning. We'll just have to drop Canderous off somewhere of his choice and I and Carth need to report to our superiors. And after that we'll start searching for your brother."

She looked at me with grateful expression in her eyes. "And what are you going to do until tomorrow? Do you have any plan?"

"Well…I can walk now, we could look around. What do you say?" I smiled a little. "The surroundings of this building appeared nice from above. Let's find out if it's so beautiful from down here too."

She gave me an impish grin. "Will I get to climb more trees? I liked it up there," she asked as we both stood up and made our way out of this room. "We didn't have any on Taris."

/I don't think it's a good idea, Mission. You might fall off it./

"I'm not that clumsy, Big'Z. Besides you'll be there to catch me."

"Mission won't fall off. She's far too skilled for that," I tried to reassure the Wookie too. I led them through the narrow corridors of the Enclave. Soon we arrived at the exit door.

"Wow, you never took a wrong direction. Admit it, you've been here before," Mission smiled as we left the building. We walked on the paved area with benches on sides. There were quite a lot of people, but only few of them were Jedi.

"This place isn't that large. Besides you can't imagine how long it took me to find the sick bay."

"Why didn't you ask someone?"

"Well, for some reason local people seemed a little scared of me. I couldn't get a word from them. I'm not that ugly, am I?"

Mission laughed, but she didn't have a space to respond. When we turned around a corner a familiar person drew her attention.

"Hey, isn't that Canderous?" Mission pointed in front of us.

"It is him," I nodded and quickened the pace. Canderous was talking to a sadly looking man and it looked like they were in the middle of rather passionate discussion.

"….to say something like that with a gun in their face?"

"Well…my daughter was like that. She was brave and always wanted to protect what was hers."

"Unlike her father it seems," Canderous snorted.

"How dare you, you filthy…"

"Hello, gentleman," I stepped in the conversation, standing beside Canderous. Mission appeared by my side too, having a curious expression on her face. Zaalbar stood behind her. "Is there a problem?" I asked.

The man looked at me. "There is a problem. For days I've been trying to get the audience with the council to…"

"Bunch of wannabe Mandalorians killed his daughter," Canderous cut him off, unscrupulously shortening his story. I frowned at him for putting something like that that so bluntly. "I'm sorry to hear that, sir," I addressed the man and looked at him.

"Jon. My name's Jon," he introduced himself.

"I'm Raven. Jon, I'm afraid discussing the matter with the Jedi Council wouldn't help you. At least not now. It would take days before they'd make their decision," I started talking, straightening my back a little. "Beside if it is vengeance you seek, they won't be able to give you that."

"What are you suggesting than? Let the murders of my little girl get away with this? I'd rather hire someone to kill them first!"

"You just got yourself the man," Canderous growled and gripped his repeater tighter in his hands. Jon looked at him slowly. "You? But you're Mandalorian. Why would you...?"

"I am, unlike them. There's no honour in attacking people who cannot give you challenge of fighting back. They deserve to die."

"Do you need a hand?" I asked him.

"Yeah! Can we go with you?" Mission squeaked with enthusiasm. She was apparently very bored that even what seemed to be quite dangerous job didn't scare her. But on the other hand she had to be used to violence while growing up on Taris.

"You have no guns," he stated and used his own repeater to point at us.

"Zaalbar, could you get our guns for us?" Mission asked his friend. "We'll have criminals to put to justice! Heh! I always wanted to say that."

...

"Ouch!"

"Hush, don't move." I tried to keep Mission steady as I wrapped a hanky around her arm.

She pouted. "That's ironic. We've killed handful of Mandalorians without a scratch."

/There was a lot of those animals, Mission,/ Zaalbar tried to make her feel better. /And they caught us by surprise./

"Thanks Big'Z. That's nice of you to say. But I shouldn't have tried to pet the young one," she admitted.

"That you really shouldn't have," I nodded and patted her hand when I was done.

"It was not that," Canderous pointed out and poked the animal's dead head with the barrel of his gun. "The large Kath hound was running to us even before she made a step to them."

"But why? Raven said they weren't hostile," she looked at me to confirm it.

"Usually they aren't," I shrugged and helped her to get back to her feet. "I don't understand why they attacked us on sight. Or...maybe it's the place," I added and looked around the lovely grove. "It's...sick." I couldn't explain why I thought so. There simply was something amiss with this place, but apparently only I could feel it.

"Sick?" she repeated and looked sadly at her bloody arm. "Sounds weird."

"This whole planet is weird. Remember Jedi are here," Canderous stated, which made me laugh. "How apt, Canderous."

"I like it here," Mission disagreed with us.

/How far is the leader?/ Zaalbar asked, finally bringing us back to our original purpose here.

"According to the plan we found on the last group he must be nearby," Canderous answered him.

/That's good. We're here for hours and I'm hungry,/ Zaalbar said and looked at Mission. She only rolled her eyes.

I smiled and shook my head. Together with Canderous we started heading forward, looking around cautiously. There were several other packs of Kath hounds. We tried to stay as far from them as we could and it worked; they didn't even look at us. For which Mission was grateful.

We didn't have to ramble in the grove for long. After few minutes we could see something in the distance which resembled several man and two landspeeders. We get closer so that we could have a better view and hid behind the large blba trees. "Five of them. All Mandies," I narrowed my eyes to see them more clearly. "'tis going to be tough."

"Why?" Mission wondered. "We handled those other groups quiet effortlessly," she reminded me.

"But there was only one Mandalorian. Two of them at best. The others were just guns for hire," I explained to her and looked at Canderous. "I assume the one in brown armour is their leader."

He nodded and readied his gun. "Let's get to the action."

Without any more hesitation he just stepped out of the tree's shadow and walked right to them. _So much for Mandalorians always having a plan B,_ I thought. "Zaalbar, protect Mission. And keep your distance," I ordered before I left my cover too. I ignored Mission's protests as I hurried after him and joined his side. Soon the Mandalorians saw us. One of them lifted his blaster rifle, but his leader turned to him and stopped him. He looked back at us and tarried.

"Why aren't they shooting?" I asked.

"I knew they wouldn't," Canderous said. He didn't answer my question, but I let it go as we were within their earshot. We stopped two meters from their leader.

He chuckled. "Look what we have here. Don't say you're some mercenaries those blasted Jedi paid to kill us."

"Sort of," I nodded.

The leader clicked his tongue a few times. "Disappointing. I was looking forward a challenge only a fight with Jedi can bring. Not to mention I love collecting trophies. I have a few of those already." It was clear to me what he was referring to. Three lightsabers hung from his belt and I doubted their previous owners were still alive.

"You managed to kill a Jedi?" I asked emotionlessly, my eyes locked at those lightsabers. I felt a strange twitching in both my hands as if they wanted to reach out on their own accord and…_steal them from him? How? I'd be dead the moment I'd made a step forward._

"I did. More than one as you can see. We might have been beaten in the war, but that doesn't mean we're weak."

"We're not either!" Mission exclaimed. "We managed to kill your troops. How hard can it be to kill you as well?"

This time I didn't hear his response. I had my eyes focused on the lightsabers at his waist, struggling with muscles in my arms as well as some eerie feeling in the back my mind. And then it snapped. My arms flew in the air, palms opened and turned towards the Mandalorian. A strange, familiar sensation ran through my body. It was like I could feel everything and everyone around me in a way I never knew possible, like I was connected to the whole galaxy, whole universe at once. And before I knew it, something cold hit my hands causing my fingers to wrap tightly around those objects.

It was instinctive more then intentional when I took off the ground and in one swift jump I landed in the middle of the Mandalorian group with both lightsabers activated. I didn't even realize I'd turned the one in my left hand so it now had its blade running behind my arm as if it was a shield instead of lethal weapon. With my right hand I pierced the nearest Mandalorian in the stomach. Turning around I threw the lightsaber at the leader. He was about to shoot at Mission, who was looking at me with her mouth wide open, completely unaware of his attack. With the other sword I cut the second Mandalorian who rushed to me to engage in melee combat. Using the blade as a dagger I cut through his armour and into his flesh. With screaming he fell to his knees and pressed his hands to his abdomen, trying to stop his bowels from coming out.

I lifted my hand above the head to catch the thrown lightsaber again and used it to deflect the bolt from the leader's blaster rifle, skilfully aiming it back at him which he barely dodged. With Canderous taking care of the other two Mandalorians, the leader was now the only one standing. When he realized that he threw the rifle away and grabbed the last lightsaber he got left and parried my lunge.

I waited for him to make a move now and easily deflected his thrust with the lightsaber in my left hand. Determined to play with him for awhile I used the hilt of the sword to hit his back forcing him to make a few steps forward. As soon as he regained his balance he turned around, but I was already behind him again. Blocking his hand I slammed my fist into his abdomen. I danced around him and kicked the back of his knee, making him kneel. He fell to the ground rolling away immediately and springing back to his feet.

With his back turned to my friends Canderous used the opportunity to send a burst of bolts into him. I hurried to the Mandalorian and caught him, preventing him to dodge. Soon the bolts shot thought his shield and armour and that was the time I run my lightsaber through his chest. Fun is fun as long as no one has to suffer. He was humiliated by the fact we defeated him. There was no need to let him die in pain when I could make it merciful. I let his dead body fall on the ground.

I breathed heavily when I took a step back, deactivating both 'sabers. "Oh my," I breathed and looked at the weapons. I didn't drop them thought. I liked the way they felt in my hands. As if they belonged there.

"Wow…" was all Mission managed to say. "That was…how did you do that? You used the Force!"

"I did..." I whispered. The wonderful feeling of connection was slowly fading away, leaving a strange emptiness in me.

Canderous rested the barrel of his repeater against his shoulder and knelt down to search the body of Mandalorian leader. "From the look at you, you won't be giving Jedi their precious toys back, huh?" he asked.

"I will. They're theirs after all," I said after a while. Canderous handed me the third lightsaber the Mandalorian had. "I just...it was so overwhelming to wield such powerful weapon, you know," I tried to justify my reaction putting all the lightsabers to my belt.

"And the Force?" Mission still pressed the matter.

"Never before I've done anything like that," I said as if it could answer her question. "I don't know," I added after she raised her eyebrows at me. But it was a lie. Somehow I was convinced I knew how to do it. That I had the knowledge hidden somewhere deep in my mind and now, if I wanted, I could do it again.

"Maybe you should tell Bastila," Mission suggested and went to one of the landspeeders and looked inside.

I spotted the rifle the Mandalorian leader had thrown away. I made sure none of my friends was looking at me before I tentatively reached out with my hand in the direction of the rifle and focused. My eyes widened when I saw the gun move a little. I moved my hand away immediately.

"She might help you with that," Mission continued, "after all she's a Jedi."

"That's not a good idea. These things got worse after she entered my life." These...visions, as Carth put it, hallucination, images, whatever they were – I'd been experiencing them since I woke up seven months ago. But they got much worse, much more intense after I met Bastila. And that was not the only things. When it came to the young Jedi I could literally read her mind; how else could I know how she felt despite her deadpan face? She affected me in a way I didn't like. And worse; I had no control over these things.

"Things? What are you talking about?"

Not to mention she lied to me. During that race she said the vision of her with her lightsaber initiated and prepared for battle was nothing more than her memory. But that didn't explain the dream I had before I woke up on Taris. She was in it too and that definitely couldn't be one of her memories.

There was more to it than met the eyes and she knew it. She and Council both.

I told them I'd killed a Dark Jedi. _I doubt many people who can't use the Force happen to survive a duel like that._

Yet the Council didn't bat an eyelash.

I startled when I felt Mission's hand on my shoulder. "Raven?" she whispered gently. "You drifted away for a moment. Are you alright?"

"Sorry. I..." I sighed pressing my fingers to my eyes. "I'm just tired."

"It's been a long day," she nodded.

/Very!/

I smiled and looked at the Wookie. "I'm sorry Zaalbar it took us so long. I understand you must be starving by now. Still, I'm grateful you came with us and helped us."

/I swore a life debt to you, Raven,/ Zaalbar reminded me. /I cannot take it back and I don't want to. You saved me./

Mission smiled. "Yeah. We're going to stay together like forever. Just you and me and Big'Z. And the Ebon Hawk."

"You're quite an optimist, hm?" I asked the girl and, seeing Canderous was finished with searching the bodies, wrapped a hand around her shoulders, leading her away from the Mandalorians.

"What? You think we'll get separated?"

"Sh...Sith happens. But first and foremost I'm a soldier. I might get transferred from one place to another..."

"We'd follow you," Mission cut me off.

"...and you'll have your brother back," I finished and looked at Canderous when he joined us. "Did they have anything useful?"

"The leader had a Mandalorian power shield."

"Definitely useful," I smiled. "Good to have one."

We returned using the same route we came here. The crazy Kath Hounds attacked us once again almost on the same place as before and we were forced to kill every of them. The poor beasts did behave strangely. Instead of fleeing when we killed the most of them, they just kept attacking, sacrificing their lives in a stupid way; they weren't trying to protect their youths or territory. They just wanted blood.

"I'm glad we're back," Mission sighed with relief when we arrived at the Enclave.

"Mish, take Zaalbar back to the ship and have some dinner, but don't let him eat everything. We'd like to eat too after we talk to Jon," I sent her ahead.

"Don't worry Raven," Mission winked at me happily and together with Zaalbar they disappeared behind the corner.

Jon was still there, waiting for our return. He was sitting on the bench and was watching the sun setting slowly, colouring both sky and clouds with all shades of orange, pink and red. He didn't even notice us until we were standing right next to him. "You were gone for very long time. Please tell me you killed them," he pleaded and stood up. He had desperation written all over his face.

"We did," I nodded. "We even found their leader. He got what he deserved."

Jon closed his eyes and his old wrinkled face turned calm. "Thank you," he whispered. "It won't ease the pain, but at least my Ilsa can rest in peace now." I noticed he pulled something from his pocket. I captured his hand into mine and gently put it back to his hips. "Keep your money. We didn't do it for them. Did we?" I looked at Canderous.

He shrugged. "You're stupid for refusing, but have it your way." The Mandalorian turned and headed to the Enclave door. "I'm keeping the shield," he shouted at me over his shoulder.

Jon's hand on my arm brought my attention back to him. "You...if you were a Jedi, I'd praise you to the Council, my dear girl."

"I'd rather if you wouldn't. But thanks for the thought. I know it won't help you, but you have my condolences."  
>He nodded and sat down on the bench again. "If you excuse me, I want to be alone now."<p>

...

I was prepared for the storm even before I stepped on the ramp. I slowly went inside the Ebon Hawk and as quietly as I managed I sneaked in the swoop hangar to left the lightsabers on the workbench right behind the door. I straightened and with my head held high I walked right into the main hold. As I expected, the whole crew was there, having dinner. Apart from Bastila who was just sitting there. _Waiting for me._

Her face was the first one to turn to me. "Raven!" she exclaimed and stood up.

"Glad to see you too," I smiled at her. I had to cover my stomach with my hand as if it could stifle its growling when I smelled the food they were eating. "I hope you left some for me," I stated looking at the huge portion Zaalbar had on his plate. The Wookie stopped eating and looked at me, nodding.

"Food can wait. I think we need to talk," Bastila tried to step into my way, but ended up following me instead. I was glad for that. This discussion was probably inevitable and it was better the others wouldn't be with us to hear it.

"Okay, what you have on mind?" I asked her when the door to cargo hold closed behind us.

"I'm sure you realize your behaviour earlier this day was..."

"...insufferable? Intolerable? So was yours," I frowned and crossed my arms. I was pleased to find it much easier now without the bandages covering my left arm up to the elbow.

"Ours? Raven, the Council only wanted to know what exactly happened on Taris."

"Really? So why did they want to know all these things about me? My job, my past, hell even my family concerned them. That's not normal."

She shifted her weight. It seemed to be a habit of hers. Or maybe it was me, causing her a discomfort with my straight approach. Either way I was glad to see her doing it. It was a proof she wasn't so sure of herself. "It may sound that way to you, but they needed to see the bigger picture to understand the thing as a whole," she was talking calmly.

"Yeah, they said so themselves. But it wasn't about Taris, was it?"

"It..." she stuttered for a moment. "I admit the ways Masters asked the question might have misled you into..."

I cut her off. "Drop the act Bastila. I'm not stupid. What is really going on? What is it you're hiding?"

"We're not hiding anything," she answered with stoic face, but I felt a fear rush over me...her.

"Then why the sudden interest in my person?"

This time she hesitated before she replied. "I told them about how you'd handled things on Taris. I expressed an inkling of your Force-sensitivity and that caught their attention," she said slowly, reconsidering her every word.

"I'm going to repeat myself...why?" I didn't give her a break. With my hands akimbo I shot her a distrustful look.

"I don't know." Her forehead wrinkled a little. "They don't need to explain themselves to a mere Padawan like me."

"Don't give me that."

She closed her eyes for a moment and took a slow breath. "I can sense you don't trust me and I understand it. Maybe I'd feel the same if I were in your position. I'd like to change that, but I can't give you anything more than just my opinion for I don't know why the Council finds you so intriguing."

With a simple gesture of my hand I invited her to continue. "You possess remarkably strong connection to the Force. Usually children with such talent are watched from young age and when the time comes they're accepted into the order. It's a mystery you weren't discovered as a youngling too. In your records I read you were born on Telos. There are a lot of Jedi on this planet. It's highly unlikely none of them noticed your huge potential. Maybe that's why the Masters wanted to know all these things."

I had to admit it all made sense. But still something was telling this wasn't the whole truth. But I had to give Bastila credits for at least trying. And maybe she really had no idea what it was about. I relaxed a little. "That sounds more like it," I said slowly. "Are you returning to the Enclave or are you going to sleep over here on the ship?"

"I'd like to stay on the ship if I could." She sounded careful when she said that. Was she afraid I'd want her out?

I chuckled. "Of course you can," I assured her and turned to the synthesizer. I wasn't lying when I told Mission how tired I was. I wanted to go to bed after the dinner so I chose a vegetable salad.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Uhm, yummy," I smiled and sat on one of the crates."You can."

"You were gone all day. Where were you? We couldn't find you."

My eyebrow quirked at that. "Don't tell me you haven't already asked Mission or Canderous?"

"I haven't," she shook her head. "They were with you?"

"You didn't know that?" I paused biting my lip. _Damn, she didn't know. I shouldn't have asked that. _"Well...we went outside to look around. This planet is a pleasant change from the built-up area on Taris. Fresh air, sun, grass, trees..." I let the rest hang in the air and sent her a content smile.

She tilted her head slightly. "Canderous admiring the countryside? I have troubles believing that."

"He was very appreciative of what we found out there," I replied and thought back to the shield. With a lopsided smile I finally brought the fork to my mouth to let her know this conversation was over.

And she understood the hint."I'll let you finish your dinner then. I'm going to meditate now so I'll see you in the morning."

I waved my hand as a goodbye before she turned and left the cargo hold. I snickered.

...

_It was dark around. From every stone of the room I was in a great darkness was emanating and it made chill go down my spine. With a tall man by my side I slowly made my way to the other side of the room where large stony door were built in a wall. _

_ The men with blue tattoo__s on his bald head stopped and watched me as I focused my attention to the lock of the door. _

_ "The dark side is strong in this place. I can feel its power." He raised his hands and fisted them in the air in front of him."Is this wise?" he asked and when I didn't answer him he went on doubting what we were going to do. "The ancient Jedi sealed this archway. If we pass beyond this door we can never go back. The Order will surely banish us."_

_ I smirked and used the Force to open the door._

_ "Are the secrets of the Star Forge so valuable?" He started to follow me inside. "Can its power truly be worth the risk?"_

_ "We mustn't fail__," I murmured and focused my eyes on the dark object in front of us. The three stony arms unfolded as we approached the star map. From its centre a black orb rose in the air and started shining, projecting something in the air._

* * *

><p>To be continued, as always. But this time my next update will take me much longer. I'm going to some time out of civilzation - that means no computers, no internet...and considering our schedule almost no free time whatsoever. So...well, that's all. Thanks for reading this chapter. If you have something to say, you can click the "review" button down there too :)<p> 


	11. The Force

Disclaimer: I don't own Kotor, nor the comic from which I borrowed one line, I'm sure you'll recognize it (provided you've read the comic of course ^.^)

* * *

><p>The Ebon Hawk was quiet. It seemed everyone except for me was already awake and gone. Even T3 was nowhere aboard. It felt strange to roam the ship without anyone greeting me, wishing me a good morning, telling me how ugly I look in the morning, or wanting me to play cards with them.<p>

"Where can they be?" I wondered loudly when I stepped from the ramp. It was cloudy this time. I could smell water in the cold air, but it wasn't raining yet. I slowly headed to the Enclave. Except for few merchants who were trying to ready their ships for a takeoff no one was outside.

"...yesterday. She looks still the same, but there's something different about her now. She's changed. But I'm not sure if it is a good or bad thing."

"Have you talked to her?"

"Of course not. Haven't you heard the Council? We're not to..."

Faces of two Jedi Knights turned to me when I get through the opened door. The couple was standing not far from the door in the middle of the corridor. The man who was talking looked caught off guards, but it took him just a second to wipe this expression off his face and replace it with calm and unreadable one. The change was so fast I even wondered whether the surprised look was only my imagination or not. The other man had his hands behind his back casually and if it weren't for his slightly raised eyebrows he'd look quite indifferent.

I couldn't help but frown a little. "Morning," I greeted them and in slow pace I passed them by. I could feel their eyes on me all the way until I finally turned around the corner.

"Funny..." I shook my head. If I didn't know better, the way they suddenly stopped talking would have fooled me into thinking they were talking about me.

_Or they simply didn't want to discuss matters of the Order in front of __a stranger,_ I thought. _Or maybe they were talking about Bastila._

The thoughts soon left my mind when I bumped into someone. Carth's hands took me by my arms to steady me. "This morning gets weirder any second. First Bastila appeared like she saw a ghost and now you. Are you alright?"

I looked back over my shoulder wondering if the two Jedi could hear us. "Yeah, just...yeah. I'm fine. What was it about Bastila?"

He closed his eyes for a moment and shook his head. "Dreams again?" he asked. One of his hands let go of my arms and wrapped about my waist instead, bringing me closer to him. I responded in a kind, putting my hand behind his neck and the other on his chest.

I bit my lip, but tried to smile nonetheless. "This one was nice. What's with Bastila?" I repeated, hoping he'd drop the _Raven's dreams_ topic.

He sighed. "She wanted you to come to the Council chambers as soon as you wake up. She sounded urgent and didn't look well. Quite like you. Are you sure you're okay?"

I smiled, tilting my head to one side and stroking the back of his neck absentmindedly. "As long as the dreams won't come true and bite me in the ass, I'm okay," I joked before turning serious again. "Did she say what it was about?"

"No, she didn't. Which means it's a Jedi business."

I sighed heavily and rubbed my face, pushing away from him. "I'd rather not see the Council again, but I suppose I don't have much choice."

"You have. Don't go there. Let's find others and get out of here."

I smiled. "You don't understand me. I don't want to see them because I was rude yesterday. Well, they had it coming I guess, but it _was_ a little...inappropriate."

"You think they summoned you to berate you for your behaviour?" he asked and corners of his lips slightly perked up. I had to admit the image was a little amusing. I only wished it weren't me who had to go there.

I shrugged. "No idea. Get Mission and Canderous and return to the ship. I'll try to make it short." I gave him quick peck on the lips before I continued down the corridor. I remembered the way so it was easy to find the classroom again. Or at least I thought so. When I opened the door, however, I found myself in completely different room than the one from yesterday. This one was round too, but it had several huge windows in its walls. There were few comfortable looking seats around and all four members of the Council were sitting in them. Thought one of the seats was left unoccupied.

Bastila was there too. She stood in the middle of the chamber and looked like she woke up few minutes ago. Her hair was down and ruffled, not to mention she didn't even have her lightsaber. She had to leave the ship in a hurry.

When she turned around I spotted a narrow braid on her shoulder. She was paler than usual and had traces of gloom written all over her face. I had bad feeling about this.

"Is something wrong?" I asked and went inside the room hesitantly. An image of a poor, defenceless gizka walking in the rancor's nest popped in my head.

"Not wrong, my dear," Master Zhar stood up. "We were only discussing the dream you and Bastila shared. It was most perturbing."

"It was just a..." I broke off. My eyes widened when the meaning of what he said hit me. "Shared?" I repeated. "We shared a dream? What the...that's not possible."

"Of course it is, Mrs. Simons," Master Vandar opposed me, his little form making himself more comfortable in the seat. "The Force works in mysterious ways. We believe there's a meaning behind this dream in which Bastila felt your presence. Presence she felt ever since..."

"Master Vandar!" Vrook interrupted the little creature and gave him a meaningful look.

I frowned.

"...Taris," Master Vandar calmly finished his sentence as if the old Jedi never cut him off and my scowl got even deeper. Taris wasn't what he was about to say, that much was clear to me. "She described it very vividly," he continued.

"And if we're not mistaken in our judgement," Master Dorak spoke up, standing up too, "what you saw in the dream were the old ruins here on Dantooine not far from this Enclave. We originally thought it a mere burial ground. Nevertheless, it must be much more if it drew Malak's and his Master's attention."

"Wait a minute," I took a step back with my hands in front of me. "What are you all talking about? What ruins? Malak and Revan? Come on, that's crazy. It was just a dream!"

A ghost of smile appeared on Dorak's face. "We believe it was much more than a dream, Mrs. Simons. It was a vision. A trace Revan and Malak left in the Force when they visited those ruins years ago. A trace you felt thanks to your Force-sensitivity."

"Intensive trace," Bastila added silently and shifted her weight, making a move to hug herself. She stopped in mid motion however, so her hands only crossed in front of her.

Everybody in the room was watching me, waiting from my reaction. "Why are you telling me this?" I asked quietly.

"Whatever the two were seeking there," Vrook started.

"...it probably holds the key to whatever caused their fall," Master Vandar finished. "We need someone to investigate the ruins."

"And we thought," Master Dorak continued, "it would be best if we send young Padawan Bastila with..."

"Great! Do it! She's great Jedi, I vouch for that. She can handle it...long after me and my friends are gone," I gestured to the door behind me.

"...with you, Mrs. Simons. The Force didn't give you the vision groundlessly."

Strangely, I knew he'd say that. My shoulders dropped. "I'm a soldier, not a Jedi. My duty is the one to the Republic, not the Order," I reminded them.

The four men exchanged a short glances, but eventually each of them looked at Zhar before the Master stepped forward, putting a hand on my shoulder. "The reason we think you'd be a great help in this case lies within the vision. You had it because you and Bastila share a special bond."

"I...I have really hard time grasping the whole situation here," I stuttered, feeling vulnerable, helpless and lost. And somehow I knew nothing I was going to say would matter anymore. As if there was something bigger, greater, what set the wheels of my destiny on motion, and it was impossible to stop it now.

"These bonds usually take time to form and are typical for teacher-student relationship. The two can feel each other's thoughts and feelings through it."

"We have no idea why it was formed just between you and Bastila," Master Vrook continued. "Maybe it was the critical time you spent on Taris together, and your apparent connection to the Force. You must know however, that as it links your minds it links your fates as well."

"No, that's not...I can't use the Force, I can't!" I caught myself speaking far more harshly than I intended to. And I wasn't sure whom I was trying to convince – them? Or myself? "I'm just a soldier! Ordinary soldier with ordinary problems. I don't have any supernatural talents or abilities. I can shoot people, not throw them around the room with my mind."

"It is quite strange we didn't discover you sooner, Mrs. Simons," Zhar continued and his grasp on my shoulder tightened a little as if he knew how much I wanted to back away. "Your talent is unique. Leaving it - let's say - untamed is both unwise and dangerous not only for you, but for those around you as well."

"Dangerous? But...I don't even know...I would never..." I started stuttering.

"Of course," Master Vrook said, folding his hands in front of him, "we can't be sure you're as talented as…"

"We've already discussed this matter, Master Vrook," Master Vandar cut him off. "With Revan's death..."

"And can we be sure Revan is truly dead?" he blurted sounding outraged, which surprised me. How could he question something like that? I looked at Bastila. She was just standing there, quietly watching their debate. Wasn't she the one who killed Darth Revan? Why wasn't she defending herself? "What if we train this one and the Dark Lord returns?"

"Master Vrook, we need to investigate the ruins to stop Malak, this much is clear," Master Dorak stepped in. "And if there is anything which brought Revan, one of the greatest and most promising Jedi I knew, to the dark side, we need to train Mrs. Simons to ensure the same fate wouldn't affect her as well," Dorak opposed the oldest of Jedi. He had a mild smile on his face, which I just couldn't fathom at all. Actually the whole scene was incredibly absurd!

"I won't go there!" I screamed and wriggled from beneath Zhar's hand. "I'm not a Jedi! Unless some commander orders me to, I'm not going there. And I'm not staying here for another minute. This place is terrible and it's only making things worse!" I must have looked like a coward fleeing from the room like I did, but I couldn't stand being in there with them for any longer.

"That's all crazy, I'm not a Jedi. I can't fall to the dark side. I just have to get out of here and everything will be like it used to be. I'll forget it all and everything will be alright," I tried to reassure myself when I stopped. I didn't even know where I was. The corridors looked all the same here. But right now getting lost was the least of my problems.

Partly they were right when they were talking about the threat of the dark side. The problem was real and serious. The dark side was something every Jedi had to watch out for unless they wanted to end up like Revan and Malak. But I wasn't Jedi. I didn't have to be afraid of it, did I?

I didn't even realize I was being followed until Zhar's hand rested on my shoulder again. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," he apologized when I started. "When you left us you seemed a little...let's say we thought it best if someone came to look for you."

"I just want to get back to Coruscant. Maybe that would put my life back in line," I whispered.

"I understand, my dear," he nodded and put his hand on my back reassuringly. He bid me to walk again. "And no one's going to keep you from leaving Dantooine. No one has the right to do so, no matter what our opinion is," he was trying to calm me down. "Anyway. I'd like to ask you to excuse what happened in the chambers. Master Vrook takes what happened to our most promising Jedi Knights rather personally. More than he should."

I looked at him from the corner of my eye. I didn't know why, but his presence was somehow calming me down, it was amicable. I didn't know this man, but I knew I could trust him. "How so?" I asked.

A sad smile appeared on his face. "He used to be Malak's Master when he was still a Padawan. He believes it's partly his fault he fell."

I blinked a few times. "I thought Revan was his Master."

"That's a common mistake," he nodded. "Malak and Revan were peers and close friends. They trained together, sparred together, helped each other with their studies, but Revan was always better, stronger. More delicate in many ways. And when they embraced the dark side, it was natural Revan would become the superior one."

"Interesting," I mused. "But...you said Vrook blames himself for Malak's failure. Why?"

"He believes he didn't train Malak well enough. When you have a Padawan it's your duty to teach them how to resist the lures of the dark side among other things of course. I understand Master Vrook at that, for I too feel guilty. Revan had a good heart, but he wasn't ready for whatever he had to face in the war. I should have prepared him better."

_Did he say what I think he did?_ I looked at the Master Jedi. "You were Revan's Master?"

He smiled wistfully. "No, I wasn't. As strangely as it might sound, Revan had no Master. I just trained him for a while. He was very skilled, especially when it came to melee. But I slipped again. I came here to tell you Master Dorak probably spoke out of turn. I saw how the thought of the dark side terrified you, but you have nothing to fear."

"Do I?"

He nodded. "No one can deny how strongly the Force comes through you. But, as you said yourself, you can't actually use it. Few visions change nothing, as long as you use the Force passively, you don't have to be afraid. Every person can feel the Force to some degree. But only the most talented can use it to move objects around them or persuade people into something."

"Persuade?" I repeated. I heard about this ability, but I'd never seen it in use. Of course, I hadn't met many Jedi, just the ones who had been in the war, and back then the diplomacy and negotiation wasn't much of a help on the battlefield.

"Yes. The Force can do amazing things when you know how to use it. When it is crucial Jedi can focus their minds and tell someone...well...usually to help them," he smiled.

_ "Come on, I know you want to help us."_

Suddenly my throat went dry. "And...how can the Jedi tell whether they succeeded?" I asked.

"The person they're trying to persuade repeats the order with a strange expression in their eyes," he explained.

_/Y-yes...I want to help you,/ she repeated and for a second her eyes got somewhat clouded._

"And that's not all Jedi can do," he went on. "When they are skilled enough they can form something we call a Force barrier. It can protect Jedi from both physical and energy attacks."

"A F-force barrier, you say...energy attacks? Like...I don't know..." I was trying to sound casual. "Like explosions, maybe?" I looked at the Jedi and was already afraid of his answer.

He nodded. "Explosions included, yes."

"Oh...useful."

_"If it weren't for the shield she had who knows what would have happened."_

"_You had it activated when the explosion tossed you away. It disappeared shortly after you slipped into unconsciousness."_

I didn't even noticed we were in the hangar again, how deeply drowned in my thoughts I was, until we stopped near the Ebon Hawk. "But as I said, you don't have to be afraid of falling to the dark side. You use the Force only passively. There's no danger in that," he repeated with a kind smile.

"T-thank you Master Zhar. That was very…uh…educational."

He bowed his head slightly. "I'm glad I could assist you, my dear. Enjoy the rest of your day." He wanted to turn around but my hand suddenly reached out and grasped his elbow.

"Master Zhar? Why is it so important that I wouldn't fall to the dark side? I mean, hypothetically speaking, if I could use the Force and didn't undertake any training, could I notice it and stop it before I'd consume me or...?" I didn't finish.

Zhar turned back to me and frowned a little. "No, you couldn't. That's why the dark side is so tricky. You wouldn't notice until it would be too late. Your body, your mind and your very soul would be lost to it. It would change you, not only your appearance, but the way you think as well. You'd do terrible things, even to people you love, and you'd be enjoying it. Just like Revan did."

...

"…_you use the Force only passively…"_

"…_you don't have to be afraid of falling to the __dark side…"_

"_...move objects..."_

"_...persuade..."_

"_...Force barrier..."_

"I'm not a Jedi. I'm not a Jedi!"

_Yeah, but you can use the Force._

"No, it was just a coincidence. I never used the Force before yesterday. It's because of this place, just because of this place. When I get out of here, everything will be okay."

_You really believe it, huh? What about Taris? And don't you remember just how you liked the way those lightsabers fit into your hands?_

"Never before I've held such powerful weapon. It simply overwhelmed me a little, that's all. Besides I had to use them. It was the quickest way to kill the Mandalorians."

_ The quickest way was to shoot them. Not cut them in a half._

"Shut up, can you hear me? Just shut up!" I screamed frantically and fell on my knees. I let go of the two lightsabers and hid my face in my hands. "I'm not a Jedi," I whispered. Slowly I let my hands fell to the wet grass. I lifted my head and closed my eyes, enjoying the cold raindrops hitting my face, one by one, and flowing down my neck. My clothes were drenched already and I was cold, but I didn't mind that. I just had to get out of the Enclave. Away from all the Jedi bullshit, the strange glances and the apparent mistrust of locals only I of all the Ebon Hawk's crew was receiving. I just needed to think a little, clean my head, and the rainy hills of Dantooine offered the peace I needed.

And with the storm around even the Kath hounds were hidden somewhere so I didn't even had to use the lightsabers I'd brought with me.

"I'm not evil. I've been selfish a few times, yeah, but who hasn't? Sometimes I get angry, but I've always remained in check so far. Why would the fact I can now use the Force change this? I still can't see myself destroying entire planets like Revan and Malak did. I would never hurt unarmed and helpless person. I'd never hurt anyone I love."

_But Revan was a good person too. Furthermore, he was a _hero._ The most promising Jedi Knight, as the Council said. Yet he fell. Yet there was something in him, some weakness the dark side found preyed on._

I closed my eyes tightly. "But I'm not Revan." I tried to reassure myself. "I'm not Revan. I..." suddenly I felt all my muscles in my body relaxed. "I don't know your name – but I take up your cause. I will not remove your mask until there is justice. Until the Mandalorians have been defeated once and for all. So swears...Revan," I heard my own voice whisper. A shiver went down my spine.

"Why did I say that?" I asked myself with my throat suddenly dry. "Why did I say that? Why do I keep saying things like that? Where do they come from?" I stood up again and looked in front of me.

In the distance I could see two lonely airspeeders. I was at the same place where we'd encountered the Mandalorian leader. I slowly crossed the grove. The bodies were already gone, probably eaten by the Kath hounds. The blood wasn't there anymore too, wiped away by the rain. Only their guns and swords remained.

I sat on one of the airspeeders. I put both lightsabers in my lap and looked at them. One of them was simple; flat iron tube without any decorations. The other looked more sophisticated. The curved hilt adapted the weapon to fit better into human hand and the blade emitter had shrouds on each side of the blade, offering an extra protection for its owner.

I lifted my hand a touched the cold material with my fingertips, tracing the lightsaber slowly as if it wasn't just piece of metal, but a living creature which could appreciate my caress.

"A lightsaber is Jedi's life," I mumbled. I couldn't even hear myself over the wind. It was getting stronger.

"It's more of a tool rather than weapon," I continued talking. "It's your protection even when you're not holding it in your hands. It's a symbol; it signalizes your membership in the Order. And besides drawing attention of powerful enemies, it can help you to gain respect and admiration of others." The thoughts were appearing in my mind from nowhere and I was really starting to be desperate.

I smiled despite myself. "Why the fear Raven? You're not crazy. After all, some Jedi told you that in the war," I stated sardonically. But then it hit me. "The bond. They said we shared a bond," I breathed slowly. "What if..." a slight smile spread across my face, "...I know this all thanks to the bond!"

And for a second I felt content. I had my explanation and didn't need more. Until...

"But...they said the bond was created because of the time we spent together on Taris. And I lectured Carth about the Force even _before_ we found Bastila. And I doubt what I said about Revan just a moment ago was Bastila's unintentional doing too."

I covered my eyes and twisted my face as if in pain. It seemed when it came to the Force and Jedi, there was something wrong. Maybe it was what all the visions were pointing at.

"Somehow it's all about Revan," I started thinking out loud again. "Maybe it has something to do with him. It might be a warning. But what against? The dark side?" I whispered looking to the sky. "If I'm so strong with the Force as they claim, shouldn't I be given a hint now? An advice on what to do?" I shouted and then hung my head. "...so that I'd stop feeling so lost?"

And then it came; the intrusive feeling I was not alone anymore. I lifted my head again and looked around, but I could see no one near. I hopped off the airspeeder, grabbing the lightsabers in the process and fastening them to my belt. I went in the direction I came from, but after a few meters I turned right and followed the wall of steep slope. It protected me from the rain and wind finally stopped whistling around my ears too. Actually everything went suddenly quiet. And when it did, I heard it…a soft whispering. It was loud enough for me to hear it, but I couldn't make a word of it. It was sick, this much I knew. Every sane person would turn on their heels and run away, but I wanted to find its source.

"A woman?" I exhaled when I finally reached the dead end. There were black stones resembling gravestones. They were either stuck deep in the ground or lying on it, with ruins of some pillars on pedestals around them. And in their middle a Cathar woman dressed in red Jedi robes was kneeling with her hands joined and her eyes closed.

The whispering grew stronger when I made another step.

"Ehm...hello?" I called at the Cathar, but she didn't move.

I stepped closer again. "Are...are you alright? What are you doing here? Why aren't you in the Enclave?" I kept asking. She kept silent.

"Can you hear me?"

Suddenly her eyes flied open. Her yellow irises focused on me and evil grimace appeared on her face. And when her lips soundlessly moved I finally understood the whispering: _"I will be your doom."_

With a scream she activated a red lightsaber. I barely initiated one of my own to parry the blow.

"Wait! What are you doing? I don't want to hurt you!" I yelled at her when I managed to block her hands above our heads, making her unable to move for a moment. She tried to kick me in the stomach, but I anticipated her move and moved aside.

"You don't want me to start fighting, girl, so come off it!"

She finally wriggled out of my grip and made a step back. She wanted to get closer to the stones, to the darkness they emanated. _No way!_ I made a fast step forward, used the blade of my lightsaber to deflect hers and grasped its hilt. Her eyes widened when I pulled. When she hit my body with a surprised yelp I turned around and shove the girl away from me and the stones.

Her lightsaber stayed in my palm when she let go of it.

She stopped slowly, with her back to me, and stared at her empty hands. She was trembling visibly when she turned around and looked at me. "You..." she whispered. I noticed her voice was nothing alike the cold whispering I heard before. "You are strong. Stronger than me. You...defeated me. Even here! In my grove."

"Eh...yours?" I repeated. "This grove is yours?"

"This is where I went to find my solace after I embraced the dark side."

"The...ah." I closed my eyes for a moment. _You wanted a hint, didn't you Raven? Here you go. Enjoy!_ "Why did you do that?"

"You don't know? Everyone knows what Juhani has done," she hissed and her eyes narrowed dangerously. I tightened the grip on her lightsaber in my hand. "I slew my Master Quatra," she answered me. I always thought Sith were proud of such things, but this Cathar sounded more defeated than triumphant. "And after such a deed no one can turn back. I've been here since, enjoying the power. And I thought no one could beat me, until..." she broke off and looked at me with intense gaze in her yellow eyes.

I took a slow breath. "You killed your Master?" I repeated slowly. I had troubles believing that.

"Yes," she nodded. "I struck her down in the middle of training, consumed by my anger. After that I embraced the hatred. It..." Her eyes strayed and her face saddened. "Why are you here? Why do you bother me?" But before I could answer, she seemed to come to conclusion on her own. She looked back at me with a deep frown. "They sent you – to kill me!"

"What? Who would...?"

"Then what are you waiting for? Do what you were ordered. End my suffering!" Juhani blurted and knelt before me with her back to me, bowing her head slightly to bare her neck.

I did a double tak at that. "You want me to...? No! Are you crazy? Get up!" I took her by the elbow and lifted her to her feet. "No one sent me here to kill you. I came on my own, to think. Hell, I'm not even a Jedi."

"You...came here to think? In a middle of a storm?" she asked incredulously.

"Believe it or not, that's how it was. I had no idea I wasn't alone until I heard the..." I didn't finish. I realized I could hear the whispering no longer.

"What?"

"The Kath hounds!" I improvised. "I heard their howling."

She smiled, apparently pleased by my answer. "My little darlings, my little pets."

"Your...oh, I see..." It finally made sense. This place was cursed with the dark side. The stones, the grass, air, trees...animals. That's why I found it so sick. It was her fault. "Well...yes, they're cute. But it needs to stop. And maybe I can help you with that."

"Help me?" she turned her head slightly. "How could you possibly help me? Before you came I at least thought I was great and strong when I gave in the dark side. But now I know I'm nothing!"

"That's not true and you know it," I opposed her. "If you were, you would never become a Jedi in the first place, don't you think? They accepted you into their training Order they saw the potential and talent you possess."

"The Jedi," she repeated and looked at her hands, a humourless grin on her face. "I always thought they held me back. That they were jealous of my power, but it was only because I was not good enough. I probably have never been," she hung her head.

"Come on, that's not true. You said it happened during your training. Maybe it was your Master's intention; some unconventional method of how to teach you to control yourself."

"It was. And I failed. And my Master had to suffer because of me," she whispered, still not looking at me.

"She had to know the risks."

Juhani wrinkled her forehead. "She...she probably thought I would stay on the light side of the force. But I fell. And hurt her. Killed her!"

"No! Juhani, it wasn't your fault. Look at me!" I cupped her face into my palm and forced her to turn her head to me again. "It wasn't your fault," I repeated.

"I thank you for your kind words, but I only wish...if she was still alive I would have so much to say, to apologize for. I...I really...loved her," she added silently as if she was ashamed of the fact.

"The relationship between Master and his student is always strong, Juhani. There's nothing wrong about liking her. And I'm sure she cared about you too. So much, she risked her life to teach you this valuable and important lesson. I'm sure she'd forgive you if she was there now. As well as the Council would...will."

She shook her head. "How could they? I gave into my anger and killed my Master. That's unforgivable. I..."

"...are willing to forsake the dark side?" I cut her off.

"Do you really think I can do that?" she asked faintly. She seemed to stop breathing as she waited for my answer.

"Of course Juhani. No one is beyond redemption. And something tells me if there had been a chance they'd have even tried to bring Darth Revan back to the light side too."

I didn't even realize I was still holding her elbow. Carefully I made few steps away from the stones, in the direction of the Enclave. When she didn't protest I quickened my pace. "You have nothing to fear from the Council."

Juhani gave me a shy smile. "Thank you. You...you were serious when you said you weren't a Jedi? Because you'd made a great one."

It was my turn to look astray. "I...don't know," I exhaled slowly. _But you do, Raven. You asked for an advice and this is the answer. _"Maybe I will be."

"I don't even know your name," she said silently.

"Raven."

...

When I returned to ship I was in a grim mood. The decision was made, there was no turning back. The only thing left was to inform others about it.

"Here you are! What took you so long?" Mission asked when I entered the main hold. She was there with Zaalbar and T3 and played Pazaak again. "Geez, don't tell me you've been out there in the storm."

"It was refreshing," I gave her a smile. "Where is Carth? I need to talk to him."

Mission tossed her head to my direction. "In the quarters behind you. Why? Something happened? You look troubled."

"I'm fine," I lied and turned around. Slowly I approached the door to the quarters and took a deep breath before opening the door.

Carth was lying on the bed with his hands behind his head. He was shirtless and his shoes were on the other side of the room when he kicked them off his feet. "Carth?" I whispered, coming closer. He wasn't reacting.

"You're sleeping, huh? I suppose I was out there for a long time," I nodded and knelt beside his bed. He looked serene with his face relaxed. And he was smiling too.

"It becomes you, flyboy," I smiled as well. As much as I wanted to let him sleep, especially while he was dreaming something nice, he needed to know. I sighed and poked his arm lightly. "Carthie?" I whispered. "Wake up."

He wasn't moving.

I shook his arm. "Carth?" I whispered closer to his ear. "Carth, I need to talk to you. Car-!" Before I noticed how, I ended up lying on the floor with Carth on top of me and his blaster aimed at my left temple. I grasped his hand firmly, too shocked to say anything.

His eyes widened when he realized what was happening and he dropped the gun. "Raven!" he rasped out.

"Nice reflexes," I said faintly.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean...you're wet?" He noticed and took a few strands of my hair in his hands.

"It's raining," I smiled and relaxed a little. The floor was cold to my back and shivers went down my spine, but somehow I didn't mind.

He frowned. "It wasn't when...What time is it?" He straightened and looked at his chrono. "You were with the Council for five hours!" he exclaimed and stood up. With a sigh I got to my feet too. "No, I was outside, because...I..what are you…." I broke off. Carth lifted one of his hands and touched my cheek, using his thumb to caress my lips.

"Your lips are blue. You must be freezing," Carth uttered and started looking around. When he spotted his orange jacket, without hesitation he put it around my shoulder, rubbing his hands up and down my arms.

"A little," I nodded and let him lead me to his bad and sit me down on it. "But that's not important. I...need to talk to you. I can't return with you to Coruscant. They..."

He scowled. "What? Why? What did they..."

I shook my head. "Just let me finish. They said I and Bastila shared a bond. Don't ask me about it. But according to them, this bond links us together. We know what the other's feeling and moreover our fates are connected too."

"Fates?"

"This morning, the reason Bastila looked a little beside herself was she and I shared a dream. It was about Revan and Malak before they fell to the Dark side."

Carth opened his mouth again, but I covered it with my finger to stop him. "They were in some nearby ruins and the Council thinks whatever the two were looking for in there it might be what brought them on their dark path. They want me to investigate it alongside Bastila, but they fear without proper training I might not be able to resist the temptation of the dark side," I stopped for breath, avoiding his eyes now. "Master Zhar told me something about what it really is like. I don't want to be a Jedi, to be bound by so many rules and customs, but the thought I would ever want to hurt someone I care about and, worse, could find a pleasure in it is far more frightening. I'd hate if something bad happened to Mission or Zaalbar or you because of me."

Carth was quiet even when I finished. I didn't have courage to meet his eyes so I kept looking at the floor between us. The silence lasted for what seemed like eternity, before his hands cupped my cheeks again and brought my head upwards to him.

"I take it you've made your decision," he said softly.

I nodded silently. "I don't want to neglect my duties as a republic soldier, but I can't take the risk. I already used the Force, Carth. I mean intentionally used the Force. And it scared me to hell. I know nothing of how it works, what things I should be beware of."

"And what makes you think you'd fall? You're a good and kind and..." he didn't finish, shaking his head a little.

I gave a bitter smile. "I'm afraid that's not enough. I met a young woman today. She is a good person too, yet she succumbed to her anger and nearly killed her own Master. I don't want that to happen to any of you too."

"But you don't have to accept the mission. Then you wouldn't be in dange...who am I trying to fool. Of course you would. Those ruins can't be the only place where the dark side lures," he admitted and caressed my cheek.

I gave a sad smile and covered his hand with mine. "I only want to know I'll have the strength to resist it."

Only then Carth let go of my face and let his hands fell to his sides. "I can't stop you I suppose. All I can do is tell our superiors about your decision. Hopefully they'll see your point and won't send an escort for you," he added with a smile.

"Hopefully," I agreed, smiling too. "Could you do me a favour, Carth? I'd like you to take Mission and Zaalbar with you. I...promised the girl I'd help her to find her brother. Could you search the name Griff Vao in republic archives? Maybe you'll find there something about his whereabouts."

"I can do that," he nodded slowly. "But why do you want me to take them with me?"

"This is no place for them. Mission would be bored there. And they need someone to keep them out of trouble," I added.

"Agreed then," he smiled and tugged a strand of my wet hair behind my ear.

"It won't take long," I promised stood up, taking a step from the bed. "I'm a fast learner."

He stood up too and reached for his t-shirt to put it back on. "I'll see you out," he offered. I didn't protest, even if it were just a few steps. We stopped in the middle of the ramp. I turned to him to say something, although I had no idea what it should be.

His hands found my waist and pulled me to his chest. "Just…take care," he whispered with his mouth close to my ear.

I frowned. "Is that it?" I asked and leaned back a little to look him in the eyes.

"Huh?"

I sighed, smiling, and put both of my hands behind his neck. "After all that time that's all you're going to tell me?"

"I'm definitely not going to tell you goodbye Raven," he shook his head. He moved his hand on the small of my back, embracing me tightly again and catching my lips with his own. I took a sharp breath and curled fingers in his hair when he deepened the kiss.

"Ah-em." We immediately parted, breathing heavily and still gazing at each other, somehow completely ignoring Mission. "Sorry to interrupt you two, but could you continue this…eh…whatever you were just doing _after_ we set off?" she asked.

"Do you want to help with your things?" Carth rasped out.

"Which? The only things I have are my clothes and…well…weapons you can keep. I won't need them anymore, I guess. I'll have better," I bit my lip, smiling.

"Don't do that," he whispered, his eyes lingering on my mouth.

"Wait? What things? What are you two talking about?" Mission closed the distance between us. She was frowning. "You're not coming with us?" she asked me.

I shook my head. "I'm afraid I can't. I need to stay here for some time."

"But…!"

"No but, missy. I wouldn't do it if it weren't important. Come on," I took one of her hands into mine when she hung her head. "It's not permanent."

"How long?"

"I…can't tell. I don't know," I said silently and looked at Carth. "Don't call her a kid and don't pester her," I lectured him and handed him back his jacket, although I'd rather keep it.

Mission snickered.

I looked at her. "And you, don't call him and old geezer, be good to him and keep an eye on him for me."

"I'll miss you Raven," she smiled and hugged me.

"Go finally, or else I'll start crying like a little girl," I sent them inside, stepping away from them. I had to admit it felt lonely, watching the ship disappearing in the thick storm clouds.

"Come Raven. Your new fate awaits," I whispered and hung my head, turning around and going inside the building.

* * *

><p>End of chapter. Uf, I spent a lot of time writing this one, I don't even know what was so hard about it.<p>

Anyway...thanks for reading. And if you had anything to say, just click the review button and let me know. Whether you liked something (so that I could keep it up :P) or dislike (so that I could make it better next time), just say a word. And don't be afraid, I don't bite :)


	12. Adrianne

Disclaimer: I don't own Kotor.

* * *

><p>"Is it settled?" Master Zhar asked when I entered the Enclave again.<p>

"Yes, it is," I nodded, feeling rather uneasy. I looked back at the empty landing area. With a sigh I turned my attention back to him.

"Where are your belongings?" he asked with a mild frown.

I pointed at myself. "That's all I have. The rest got blown to hell with the Endire Spire."

He nodded twice, slowly, before gesturing me to follow him. "We'll provide you with something to wear then."

"That would be highly appreciated," I smiled and let him lead me through the Enclave. "Where are we going?" I asked when we were taking down the stairs.

"I'll show you your room now. With your ship gone you need to sleep somewhere, don't you?"

"And will I be able to find it?" I asked, looking around anxiously. The corridors looked all the same, all brown and narrow, with lots of doors leading to small bedrooms which would probably all look alike too. Maybe with a slight difference in position of furniture, if the students here were allowed to move it.

"Doors are numbered," he smiled. "And I'm sure soon you'll find it easy to find your bedroom."

"Don't wager on that," I opposed and looked at the door we were just passing by. Number twenty two. I didn't even realize I stopped in front of it. My eyes were locked o the number.

"Twenty two," I whispered.

"Raven? Is something wrong?"

I had a sudden desire to go inside the bedroom and lay down on the bed. In my mind's eye I even could see how the room behind the door looked like. Two beds on opposite sides, but only one was occupied, two tables and wardrobes. One was full of clothes, the other contained dapatads, books and few holokrons, one of them broken.

"Who lived here?" I asked absentmindedly tracing the lock of the door with my fingers.

"Why do you ask?" Zhar stood close behind me and I could detect wariness in his voice.

"I'm curious. The room, it's…" I broke off. I didn't even know what I wanted to say.

"One of our students," he started hesitantly. "Adrianne was her name. A prospective young Jedi, alas her fate was a sad one. She was lost to us during the Mandalorian wars."

"Was she one of the revanchists? I don't remember her."

"There was a lot of Jedi in the war. You can't remember them all," he said and I felt his hand behind my back, urging me to go on.

And so I did, reluctantly.

The room Master Zhar presented me as my own was the same as I imagined earlier. Only it was cleaner, tidier and when I was inside, it felt…wrong. Like this wasn't the right bedroom for me.

"Okay, it's…nice," I mumbled looking around. On one of the beds a pile of clothes was lying.

"Put these on," Zhar instructed me. "I can't have you wandering around in wet clothes. You'd get cold. I'll wait for you outside. Hurry though; I'd like to show you the rest of the Enclave."

When he left the room, I looked at the clothes. "Jedi robes," I whispered when I spread them on the bed. It was strange to have the robes on, but I was glad to be out of the wet clothes of mine. The robes were pleasantly warm and soft and allowed me to move freely.

When I left the room, Master Zhar had this strange smile on his face, looking me from head to toe. "Come," he said and putting hand on my back he led me away.

First place he showed me was a gym. We stopped there to watch a couple of adolescents spar together.

"Training lightsabers?" I repeated when he explained why they had such powerful weapons during training. "Like you can't hurt anyone with it?"

"That's the point of it. They are harmless. If you wanted you could even catch the blade in your hands without risking burning yourself. The feeling is a little unpleasant though otherwise the whole training would be ineffective and counterproductive."

"That makes sense," I mused and watched the couple. A girl and a boy, both fighting with almost incredible agility. Their movements were swift and precise, yet not chaotic.

"Like a dance."

"Dance Jaden? What bullshit. Dance is predictable. And when you fight someone, you need to be anything, but predictable."

A hand on my shoulder brought me back to present. Zhar was looking at me, frowning. "What did you say?"

"Eh...was just talking to myself. It's nice to watch. The fight, I mean. Like a dance," I stuttered.

"Practice makes perfect," he said slowly, looking thoughtfully. "Shall we go on? There's much for you to see."

"Lead the way," I returned his smile. This time he took me to the archive and library. Next he showed me some of the classrooms. We even interrupted one of the lessons.

An old Master Jedi was watching over several young children, around five or six years old, who had strange helmet on their heads which covered their eyes. Each of the kids held a lightsaber and they tried to deflect laser bolts a remote was shooting at them.

"What's the point of this?" I asked and watched one little boy wince when the bolt hit his arm. He immediately steadied himself thought and promptly deflected the other shot.

"You'll find out soon enough," Master Zhar and the other Master Jedi exchanged smiles.

"What?" I asked him and my head turned to him.

"It's vital for Jedi Knight to rely on not only his sight and ears. They must learn to feel the Force talking to them, let it guide their movements and use it to anticipate intentions of others," he explained and handed me one of the helmets the kids had.

"You're kidding, right?" I asked him, looking at the helmet. "I can never do that."

The old Jedi smiled at my reaction and looked at the children. "Stop training younglings," he spoke to them. He waited until they put off the helmets. "I'm sure you heard this woman. She fears she won't be able to feel the Force. Would you help her focus?"

Few "Of course Master Nemo!" echoed through the room. And I only watched in surprise as the kids made a circle around me, sat down cross-legged, closed their eyes and… "What are they doing?" I asked confusedly.

"Helping you," Zhar answered. "Put the helmet on. I'd like to see how strongly you can actually feel the Force."

"I'm warning you. I bruise easily," I said, feeling not only worry, but a slight anticipation as well. In a slow motion I put the helmet on my head.

Master Zhar gave me a lightsaber and helped me activate it.

"Ouch!" I squeaked when first of the bolts hit me. "You little!" I muttered and turned around as I heard it fly around me. But the next shot came from the opposite direction, hitting me in my back. "Just wait…" I turned around again, feeling incredibly stupid, only to get another hit in my leg. I deactivated the lightsaber and put the helmet off. "That's useless. I quit," I murmured, feeling morose.

"Not yet my dear," Master Zhar smiled. "You just need to be relaxed. Allow yourself to free from the world around you. Perceive the waves of the Force and let it tell you where the remote is. Give it another try."

"Easier said than done Master," I sighed, yet obliged what seemed to be more of a request then a command.

This time I allowed myself to breath deeply for a moment before I initiated the lightsaber again. Closing my eyes I tried to focus. I heard the little troublemaker flying around me, making silent buzzing sound. It was quickly changing directions, one second behind me, the other on my right.

_Front…_shot through my mind and I raised my hands, bringing the blade to cover my torso. As I did so a swish of a bolt rang through the room and I felt it when it hit my lightsaber.

Before I knew it my hands moved on their own accord again, covering my right hip and swiftly deflecting another laser shot.

The intervals between each bolt grew shorter, forcing me to move faster, yet to keep the accuracy of my motions. After some time I even caught myself smiling, pleased by all this. I was even enjoying it now.

Someone had to shut off the remote, because I couldn't hear him anymore. "That's enough," soft woman's voice said.

I deactivated the lightsaber again and put the helmet off my head, smiling at my teacher. "I did it, Master! I deflected every one of them!"

"You finally managed to calm your mind, Adrianne. I'm very proud of you," the white-haired woman smiled at me and took the lightsaber and helmet from my hands, putting them to their place. "And it wasn't even that hard, was it?"

I shook my head, feeling amazingly. "It wasn't. All I had to do was to stop doubting myself."

"And that's all I wanted to show you for today. As long as you remember this lesson, you'll make a great Jedi one day."

"Raven? Can you hear me? Raven."

I slowly opened my eyes. I was lying on the floor. Everyone was gathered around me, the kids looked worried, as well as the Master Zhar, but as for him he had something else in his eyes.

"Are you alright, my dear?" he asked me and helped me up, steadying me in case I'd fall again. "You fainted," he added

"I was a little light headed," I lied. "I haven't eaten since yesterday."

"Then it's time for you to rectify that," he said, frowning.

...

It was lonely. During the day I didn't have time to realize that, with Master Zhar putting me through variable tests to see how skilled I was. But when the evening got close, he let me go, allowing me to roam around the Enclave some more. I found the cantina here, had a few drinks and tried to talk to some people who apparently had no desire to speak to me. With a sigh I get up from my chair. I had one last thing on my to-do list before I wanted to rest. And since my comlink didn't have the reach I needed, I had to search the Enclave for a comm room.

I knew the Ebon Hawk had to arrive at Coruscant already, which meant Carth had a lot of work and wasn't aboard. And I doubted Mission would stay on the ship with a whole new world to discover, literally. Zaalbar would of course follow her and I wasn't even considering Canderous. He was probably on his way somewhere else or looking for a job. I could always chat with T3, but it would be sort of one-sided conversation. But I really needed to see a friendly face.

I smiled faintly when a blue form of my friend appeared in front of me. It was great to see Jasmine again. "Hey there," I greeted her.

She gaped at me. _"Raven! Oh, gods! It's so great to hear from you. I've received the message you sent few days ago, but when I tried to call you back I was unable to reach you."_

"Yeah…we'd been quite often off the ship," I scratched the back of my neck.

_"No. I meant your holoprojector. It was unavailable."_

I smiled this time, looking aside. "Destroyed together with the rest of my things. It's probably somewhere on Taris's orbit right now. All I have left is my short-ranged comlink."

_"Oh, I didn't realize…that must have been terrible. I'm glad you made it thought. Without any more….incidents?"_ she asked carefully, though not as subtle as she probably intended.

"Hey, don't talk about me like I was some kind of unstable crazy madman. I'm fine. I just had to hack it back there. That's all."

_"I wasn't implying you are. But…okay. Let's not talk about it anymore. It must be very stressful. I'm just relieved you're alive. But where you are anyway? On holonet they said survivors of the Endire Spire finally came to say what happened, but only the lieutenant was there."_

"The lieutenant? Oh, you mean...yeah, well, I sent him ahead. I need to…do something first. But it should be only matter of few weeks. According to Master Zhar I'm talented."

_"Master…Zhar? Like…Jedi Master? Where are you?"_

"Not long ago I found out I can use the Force. And right now I'm at a Jedi training facility to learn how to control it."

_"You're going to be a Jedi? What nonsense! You're old."_

"Thanks," I grimaced. "I know it's not normal. But Master Zhar kept repeating I'm a special case. They just want me to be prepared to resist the dark side. I was afraid of the possibility so I accepted the offer, but now I'm really looking forward to it. I've already had some training and testing ant it's great. The Force is...I don't know how to describe what it is like to feel it, but it's...it's..."

_"...incredible," _she finished instead of me. She looked aside and exhaled slowly. _"Raven Simons the Jedi Knight. Wow. I can't wait to tell others," _she smiled. _"Wait a minute. What does the Republic say about it?"_

I shrugged. "No idea. Carth hasn't contacted me yet, it's been a short time after all and he must be busy," I mused, biting my lip. "But no news is good news, isn't it?" I asked.

A broad smile appeared on my friend's face. _"So...you call him Carth? I take it you two are friends?"_

I knew where this was going. "Yes, we are and there's nothing odd about it. For quite a long time we could only rely on each other on Taris. I don't think we could have made it if we hadn't been cooperating. Things like that bring people together, you know. We..."

_"Stop defending yourself. I'm just glad you allowed yourself to live again. You were total wreckage after the accident. If it weren't for Gurnay..."_ she immediately stopped. Her eyes widened and she covered her mouth with her hand. _"I'm sorry. Oh honey, I'm really sorry about him. I know you two were..."_

"Yeah..." I sighed. "He was there for me, helped me to dust off. But when it was up to me to help him..."

_"Don't blame yourself."_

"I only wish I'd done something. Warned him. Anything." I closed my eyes and rubbed my face. I knew there was no time. Helping him would probably mean dying there. But the feeling of guilt still wouldn't go away. "I just hope he didn't suffer."

_"I'm sure he didn't Ravie."_

I nodded slowly. "There's not death, there is the Force," I murmured.

_"Huh? What did you say?"_

I bit my lip. "I...don't know. It just felt like the right thing to say now. Oh..." I closed my eyes and covered them with my hand. "I think I should go to bed. I'm so tired I'm talking nonsense now."

_"You look tired,"_ she agreed. _"I wanted to wish you luck, but now when you're going to be the Jedi, I think _may the Force be with you_ is more like it, huh?"_

Jasmine. She always knew how to put smile on my face.

_The cold woke me up. I snatched the cover closer to my chin and I reached out, but instead of warm body I found an empty bed beside me. I opened my eyes and looked around. I was alone in the room. In a swift motion I swung my legs off the bed and got up. I left the bedroom and headed to the living room. The door to our enclosed balcony was open and a man form was standing there, leaning casually on the handrail. With s slight smile I came closer to Ian who was watching the night life of Coruscant._

_ Silently I sneaked up __on him and wrapped my arms around his waist from behind. I kissed his neck lightly. "Come back to bed, I'm cold without you there," I whispered in his ear. His hand caressed mine as I did so, but he didn't say anything. _

_Something was wrong. "Ian?" I said to him and he looked back over his shoulder. And when I saw his face I jumped back. It wasn't Ian who was looking at me. His eyes were cold and yellow as those of a hawk, his gaze intense. Only now I noticed his skin was as red as blood. His lips were twisted in mock smile as he made a step closer. "Is that a fear I see in your eyes?" he asked in a low voice. "Don't you recognize me? Don't you remember?"_

_With widened eyes I kept receding deeper inside the living room."Who are you?" I asked._

_ "You swore an oath."_

_ "What oath?" My back hit against the wall._

_ "You promised us your life," the man was still coming closer and closer. I felt my whole body tremble. I wanted to run away, but suddenly I couldn't move. "You betrayed our trust, but he decided to give you a second chance, human. He wants his servant back and fast. Try to remember. You're stronger than that." One of his hands reached out and touched the side of my neck. He leaned closer. "Are you?" he hissed near my ear. His grip on my neck tightened._

_...  
><em>

The weather didn't improve in the next day. And the one after that. And after that. Days of raining and storms hit the Enclave as if to mirror the moods I spent whole days in. I missed Carth, I missed Mission and Zaalbar. Hell, even Canderous and his war stories would come in handy when I kept lying in the bed with open eyes, too afraid of my nightmares to fall asleep. They got worse and more brutal. Aside from the dream with the red creature which repeated several times a week, they often contained violence, fighting, death, pain which crippled my whole body, leaving me drenched in cold sweat, practically screaming every time I woke up.

And I still didn't know what they meant. I even started writing the dreams and visions down so that it would be easier to understand them, but it still made no sense. I tried my best, but I still couldn't find what it was that connected the three of us; Adrianne, Revan and me. There was not much we had in common.

The war? We all were in the war. And now we'd be all Jedi. Or could it be...?

_Adrianne and Revan both died prematurely. Am I to suffer the same fate? Is this how the Force's trying to warn me I'm going to die soon?_

"Raven, focus."

My eyes snapped open. Master Zhar was looking at me with slightly raised eyebrows.

"I'm sorry, Master. I was just thinking. I mean I'm..." I stifled a yawn behind my hand.

"...tired, yes. I know. You've been this weary since the first day, if I remember correctly. Is something wrong with you?" he asked with concern.

I shook my head and looked at the datapad in my hands. "No, Master Zhar. I just...have a lot on my mind lately."

"I understand," he said and laid a hand on my arm. "I know the training isn't easy, but you've proven yourself to be a great apprentice so far. You've managed to learn in weeks what others couldn't learn in months. But we're still not finished."

I nodded. "So...the Jedi Code finally," I said what was the last thing I remembered him saying before I dozed off. "There is no emotion, there is peace," I read out loud and frowned. "Sounds familiar," I looked at the Twi'lek.

"It might be," he nodded. "Many people know this line, for it is the most quoted one. Keep reading."

"There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no chaos, there is harmony. There is no death, there is the Force." I paused for a moment, looking at the last line. I didn't have the strength to wonder how I could happen to use it before I knew it even existed. I stopped marvelling at it weeks ago. "Is that it? The famous Jedi Code we non-Jedi keep hearing so much about?"

He smiled. "It is. It might sound simple, but it is important. Every Jedi, every Padawan or apprentice must remember it. These five verses help us to follow the path of the light."

With a frown I perused the datapad once more. "Sounds stupid to me. I've never needed something like this to do what's right. Nor have hundreds of other people."

Zhar gave me one of his kind smiles when he took the datapad from my hands. "Being a Jedi is different from being a hundred of other people, Raven," he explained. "You must sense it now too. The connection to the whole universe, to the every living breathing creature. You have a great power now, which people admire and look up to, but also are afraid of. If placed in wrong hands it might lead to even greater hardship and suffering."

"But if I keep doing things the way I do now, what could possibly happen?" I asked. "Besides, I can't imagine I'd be stoic and calm all the time like Bastila. I hardly see her smile. Don't get me wrong, I like the girl. But it's not natural."

He slowly nodded. "The first line is not about repressing your emotions, as it might sound at first, but more of learning to control them, understand them. You need to know what they mean and know how to handle them. Only this way you can reach the inner peace mentioned in the Code."

"That's rather simple," I stated.

"It is not. Containing your emotions and not acting rashly when dealing with various problems is the most difficult thing Jedi needs to learn."

"And what is it with the harmony?" I asked about the other line of the Code. "Chaos is everywhere. It's the very essence of the universe, isn't it?"

Again, Mater Zhar didn't hesitate for a second before he gave me another explanation. "That's exactly how every person who can't feel the Force sees things around us. Jedi know everything in the universe is linked. It has its purpose and fate, which are connected to each other. It's like a never-ending cycle of balance and harmony. And Jedi do not divide each parts of it. For example, everyone feels pain if their loved ones suffer. But Jedi can feel the pain of all the life in the universe. We know and realize that tragic events are part of this life, part of this cycle. Part of this harmony."

"Apropos...no death? Only the Force?" I asked again. "That means the Force is responsible for our deaths?"

He almost laughed at that. "No Raven. You misunderstand again."

"Again? I haven't stopped yet. The whole Code doesn't make any sense."

"But it does. As does this line, let me explain. It means death is only a state of being. It's not end of someone's life, quite the opposite. It's the beginning of another journey. Those who die becomes one with the Force, they keep living through it. Hence death is only illusion. Every Jedi must remember it and let it help them get rid of their fear of dying. And when someone dies, we shouldn't mourn their deaths. Death, life...neither would exist without the other. And as we celebrate life, we should celebrate death as well."

I wrinkled my forehead. "Sorry, Master Zhar. I see your point, but it's still rubbish to me."

Master Zhar laid the datapad on the table in front of me. He made himself more comfortable in the seat, leaning back and joining his hands in his lap. "And what is it you find so – let's say – confusing about it?"

I shrugged and looked at the datapad. "Celebrate death? I'd understand if Jedi respected it, but celebrate?"

"Do not take everything I say literally, my student. The important is you shouldn't be afraid of death. If you are, you are doomed to fail in your task, whatever it might be. Take...Revan, for example. Everything he did after his fall aside, he was a great Jedi. Courageous. I used to read reports from the war only because I wanted to know about him. How he led the republic soldiers often against the impossible odds without showing fear or doubt. He knew death was part of life and was ready for it."

"So the point is: do not be afraid of death. Why didn't the author of the Code simply write it that way?"

"The ways of the Force are difficult," Master Zhar smiled.

"Yeah..." I mumbled. "And the lures of the dark side are difficult to resist. I've heard all that before." I rubbed my face. "I'm sorry Master if I sound annoying."

"It's alright. I understand this can't be easy for you."

I looked at him again. "Master? Could we...skip today's lesson for now?"

He nodded and made move to stand up, but I stopped him. "I need to ask you something." He sat down again. "I was thinking about it for the whole time I'm here."

"What are you talking about?"

"About my visions. I saw Revan in some, but that I understand. Or I think I do. The _trace-in-the-Force_ thing was...never mind. But what I cannot fathom is why I have vision of the woman you mentioned once. The one who died in the war. Adrianne."

He kept looking at me. He didn't say anything, he didn't make a move, hell, he even seemed to stop breathing.

"Who was she?"

"What have the Force shown you so far? What do you know about her?"

I bit my lip and frowned. "I don't usually remember much, but I know something. She grew up in the Temple on Coruscant. She hated that place, but her teacher made her like it as the time passed by. She was strong in the Force, very talented. And she loved her teacher. But she lost her one day and that destroyed her. Changed her. The Council decided to send her to Dantooine after that. They hoped local peaceful atmosphere would help her."

Master Zhar nodded. "Anything else?"

_Only her early life bears many similarities to mine..._ "She felt lonely at the beginning. She suffered because her family was stolen from her."

"The Force has revealed you much."

"But why?" I asked. "What does she have to do with all...with me?"

For the first time in the six weeks I was here, Master Zhar averted his eyes, leaving my question unanswered.

"Master Zhar?"

He stood up, still not meeting my eyes. "I'm afraid I can't give you the answer you seek, Raven."

"You know something?" I blurted out, standing up too. "Master Zhar, you have to tell me."

"It was decided long ago we better not talk about her."

"Why? Because she left for the war? Because she wanted to help the Republic?" He started leaving the archive and I followed him. "Master Zhar, please, she's haunting me. I need to..."

The moment Master Zhar turned to me and grasped one of my arms. In a swift motion he opened the door of the nearby room and dragged me inside. "Listen to me Raven. I will say it only once and only because I've never agreed with what they've done to her."

"What..."

"She made a mistake, but they never gave her a chance to explain. She was strong, stubborn at first, unwilling to talk even to me. But she wanted to justify at the last moment possible. She was in so much pain she couldn't even breathe properly let alone talk, but she tried."

He let go of my arms and turned his back to me. "It was the first time I saw her beg. _You're making a grave mistake,_ she said. If only they listened to her pleads."

"Master Zhar, what...?"

"Revan and Malak, this Star Forge...that's not the real threat to the Republic. Something else is, something much darker than we can imagine, something that brought fear even into her heart." He turned back to me. "You must find her Raven. The Force hasn't given you these visions without reason. It wants you to find her."

"But you said she'd died during the war!"

"She did. Everyone did. Except for one, none of them returned to us after the war was over."

"And what happened to her then? Where is she?"

He shook his head. "Look into your heart, Raven, and you'll find her. Perceive what the Force is trying to tell you. You must succeed. Only she knows what menace is looming over us. And I'm afraid only she can save us."


	13. Doubts

Disclaimer: I don't own Kotor

* * *

><p>Bastila's calm face frowned just a minute before she let her shoulders drop and opened her eyes. "You're not meditating," she stated, looking at me with strict expression.<p>

"I'm sorry," I murmured.

Her features softened. "Don't apologize to me. You are the one taking the final test tomorrow. You should be…"

"Not now," I cut her off, waving my hand in the air in front of me. "I'm just little edgy. That's all."

She tilted her head slightly. "Why? Your progress's remarkable. If you keep up the good work, you'll pass effortlessly." She took a pause and gave me a searching look. And I was sure she knew; damn the bond. "But that's not the problem. Is it? Something else is bothering you."

I rolled my eyes and sighed. "Stop reading my mind."

"Jedi cannot…"

"Just quit it, okay? I'm not troubled over tomorrows test. I couldn't care less about it," I threw my hands in the air.

"Then what is it? Maybe I could help you."

"I doubt it," I murmured only for me to hear. For a moment the room was quiet. Neither of us moved or did anything.

"Is it because of the dreams?" she asked eventually. "I can sense they're putting you off balance."

"Sort of," I nodded, hiding my face in my hands. I wanted to, but I couldn't tell her. I knew she would help me. She even might have known Adrianne before she left for the war, but I promised Master Zhar I wouldn't talk to anyone about our little discussion. Not even Bastila.

I didn't like the whole thing though. If this Adrianne was so important, crucial in saving the Republic, which she had to know, why was she hiding? Was she afraid of the Council? Master Zhar wasn't specific about her punishment, but it must have been…

"Painful…" I exhaled.

"What did you say?" Bastila asked slowly. She again entered her "meditation-mode" and didn't bother to open her eyes again.

"What do you think the Council would do to you should you do something really, really horrible?" I asked before I could stop myself.

"That would depend on what you've done."

What could have she possibly done? _Think about it. She went to the war. She didn't return. Maybe she followed Revan. _"What about if someone fell to the dark side?"I asked.

Her face was calm and relaxed when she answered. "They'd tried to bring you back to the path of light."

_Not helpful._ "How?"

"They'd show you the wickedness of your way."

"How?" I didn't give her a break.

This time she opened her eyes again. "Why do you ask? Besides, wasn't it _you_ who brought Juhani back to the Order? You should know better than me."

"Juhani was lost, not evil," I opposed her. I finally stood up from the floor and started walking to and fro. "I wonder something. Did they want you to persuade Revan to turn away from the dark side when you encountered him?" The question hit me out of blue. I didn't even know why I asked it, but it was the closet to Adrianne I could get at the moment without actually mentioning her name.

She opened her mouth slightly as if she wanted to say something, but didn't. She licked her lips and looked away. "No. They didn't."

"Did they want you to kill him then?"

"No!" she blurted out. She closed her eyes for a second, breathing deeply, before she put on her Jedi face again. "Killing him was the last possible option. We were to capture him, alive. Malak however betrayed his Master and fired at his ship. We barely escaped." A strange sadness got into her eyes as she talked. "But to answer your previous question, we can always get them arrested for their crimes, but usually the Order doesn't bring the Republic's justice into their matters. Exile is sometimes their punishment, but only rarely. If they reject the chance to redeem themselves..." she didn't finish, but the rest of her thought was obvious.

I noticed how she abruptly changed the topic. I felt through our bond it was rather unpleasant for her to talk about Revan, but what she said brought another question to my mind. "Do you remember the meeting with the Council we had the day we shared the vision?"

"Hm," she nodded.

"Vrook was worried about Revan's return. How could he doubt his death? According to what you say, his ship must have been destroyed. And he was injured. There was no way he could have made it alive," I added when I thought back to the dream I had on Taris.

"Maybe it was just a figure of speech. He was afraid the…training you'd receive wouldn't be as good as needed to make a proper Jedi of you."

I knew she was trying to help, but her answer wasn't satisfying at all. To tell the truth, it made me feel like she was hiding something. Again. "Maybe," I whispered, not expressing my doubts. "Thanks for your patience with me. Shall we…go on? I'll try to…calm my thoughts this time."

She offered me one of her rare smiles before gesturing to the place next to her. I sat down cross-legged and watched her close her eyes again. I suppressed another sigh before doing the same.

But I couldn't focus my mind at first. I still could sense all the haste and rush around me for some time, before it all finally started fading away slowly and all I was aware of was my slow breathing. The peace didn't last long however.

"Wait a minute, Addie, you know him?"

"Well, no. Not really. I never had a chance to actually talk to him, but I heard the stories. You should be proud of him. He's...let's just say I envy you."

"You? Envy me? But why? You're much better than me in many ways. You're a hero! People admire your skills and courage."

"Kill a man and you are a murderer. Kill thousands of them and you are a hero."

"Don't talk like that Addie. You're gifted. You have the power to help people, to change the world around us."

I frowned and shook my head, trying to get rid of the voices. But they just wouldn't go away. I even saw glimpses of large room crowded with people in uniforms, rejoicing, celebrating. I didn't share their joy; it was rather bittersweet moment for me.

"I never wanted this. That's why I envy you everything you have. Your life, your home, your husband, your son…that's all I long for. Even thought I know I'll never have it. But I think you should join him now. He keeps sending us questioning looks."

"Of course he does. I'm talking to the most powerful and famous man in the galaxy. I bet he's even jealous."

"Do you want him to be?"

"It's nice to know he still loves me after thirteen years of marriage."

The images were getting more and more vivid. I saw a woman in front of me. She was smiling broadly and if it weren't for her blond hair I'd have thought it was me standing there.

"I think you needn't worry. He probably can't wait to have you only for himself for a few hours. Heh, I bet at the time our ships set off again you two are…"

"Wait a minute? Set off? What are you talking about?"

"You're doing it again," Bastila said silently. I opened my eyes. She was looking at me with emotionless expression.

"Eh…sorry?"

"Is there yet another problem? Your thoughts were quite disturbing."

"No, this time it wasn't my fault," I defended myself. "I don't know what it was, but I heard someone talking and it was so intrusive I just couldn't get rid of it."

That got her attention. "During meditation Jedi sometimes have visions even thought they have never had them before."

"Which isn't my cause…"

"Anyway," she continued, breaking her meditation pose to sit more comfortably with her knees drawn up to her chest and her arms wrapped around them. "It might be important. What did you hear? Did you understand those voices?"

"No," I lied. "I just heard them, but I couldn't make anything of it."

"Strange," she mused. "But maybe you only weren't focused enough."

"Maybe," I nodded. "And maybe I'm just tired. And tomorrow's my big day, I should get some beauty sleep," I joked.

Bastila didn't smile though."I wish you pleasant night then."

...

"Very well. I'm sure you're anxious to know what your last test will be. And just as sure I am you already suspect what it is," Master Zhar said with a hint of smile.

"I think I do. Assembling my own lightsaber," I answered without hesitation. Lightsaber was the only thing we hadn't discussed yet. Except for what I'd already knew; the thoughts that had sprung to my mind back in the grove, before I'd met Juhani.

He nodded and gestured his hand towards the workbench in the corner. "Over there you have everything you need to construct your lightsaber. You may begin," he invited me.

I approached the workbench and looked at all the parts. "But that's not enough," I said after I glanced over the workbench. "The crystals are missing. Without them it wouldn't work." I turned around and looked at him.

He smiled and nodded his head. "Then it's up to you to find them. And yes, _that_ is your last test. I won't tell you where exactly, but not far from here there's a cave where you can get lightsabers crystals."

I combed my hair with my fingers. "Hm, and here I thought it would be an easy task. Don't worry, Master, I'll be back soon," I promised and bowed my head slightly. I turned around and left the room.

I was glad to leave the enclave after so long. Almost all my time during training I spent inside, reading, meditating, fighting…I simply didn't have time to just do nothing. Not now I was going to do nothing. Sort of.

_Come on, how hard can it be? I'm just to get in, grab a crystal or two, get out and everything will be fine. See? Nothing._

"Hello young one," a merry voice greeted me when I left the Enclave.

"Hello Master Nemo," I smiled at the old men. "What are you doing out here so early?"

"Why, I just wanted to use this beautiful day to walk. When the Kath hounds calmed down after you brought Juhani back, it's again safe to move around. You did a great job, girl," he praised me and put his hand around my shoulders, walking me away from the Enclave.

"I just did what was right. And I'm glad I could help Juhani. She was so relieved to find out her Master hadn't died."

Nemo nodded. "Master Quatra indeed has strange training methods. But I'm sure the young Cathar won't repeat her mistakes in the future."

"Yeah, that was lesson hard learned," I agreed.

"But I'm sure you didn't come just to chat with an old man. How is your own training going?"

"I'm almost finished. I need to get few lightsabers crystals yet."

He smiled. "Then you're looking for the crystal cave. Well, let me give you an advice. You'll get there much faster if you go through the Matale's grounds."

"Matale?" I repeated and frowned. "That sounds familiar. Wait, I remember. Ahlan Matale, he visited us yesterday, blaming his neighbour – Nurik Sandral? – for kidnapping his son Shen," I snorted and shook my head. "And Sandral did exactly the week ago. I take it the two families don't really like each other, huh?"

He nodded again and his smile got wilder. "And I'm sure the Council would appreciate if you looked into the matter while you're here."

I raised my eyebrow. "Investigate the disappearance of two young men? Why not? It would be a pleasant change from the constant training."

He nodded his head and his expression was the one of approval. "Here we part our ways, young one. You go this way, remember, you'll get to the cave much faster."

"Thanks for your advice," I bowed to the old man. I didn't know the particular part of the Dantooine, but I followed a narrow path in the grass he pointed at. I passed by a luxurious mansion and soon I stood in front of a cave. I wasn't sure if it was the cave, but there was only one way to find out.

The air inside was wet and cold and had a scent of rotting. The cave soon drowned in dark, but in a distance I could see dim light and that puzzled me. It was coming from a room which was full of shining crystals.

I exhaled slowly, looking around in awe. The sight was breathtaking. The room was half-flooded and the water reflected the light, making beautiful patterns on the ceiling. Not to mention the Force was incredibly strong in this place and it seemed to come right from the crystals. It was mesmerizing and I didn't want anything else than sit down and stay here for couple of hours.

Only then I heard soft steps. I turned around. The light wasn't sharp, but it was bright enough to make impossible to see through the dusk in the corridor.

My mouth fell open when I saw a figure appearing at the room's entrance. It was a small, slim girl around the age of fifteen. She had raven black hair and incredibly bright blue eyes. She wore a brown set of Jedi robes and black cloak. It was soaked and the girl was shivering from cold, but she had the same expression of marvel on her face like I did just a few moments ago.

"That's beautiful," she breathed. She reached out and her chilly slim fingers caressed huge yellow crystal near the entrance

"That's impossible," I shook my head, unwilling to believe my eyes. "That' not true. The Force is playing with my head."

As in dream I watched the girl walk around the room, before she took off the cloak and put it on the cold ground. She had a leather pocket on her waist and now she pulled its contents out of it.

"Parts of a lightsaber," I recognized what it was. "Of two lightsabers."

Her soft voice soon filled the room. "The crystal is the heart of the blade," she started whispering. At the moment she closed her eyes and used the Force to acquire part of the crystal structures. "The heart is the crystal of the Jedi." She put two blue crystals on the ground before getting two more crystals. One of them was transparent and the other violet with a dark mark in the middle. "The Jedi is the crystal of the Force." She knelt down. "The Force is the blade of the heart." Firstly she seemed at lost as she looked at the parts with uncertain expression. She closed her eyes. "All are intertwined. The crystal, the blade, the Jedi..." her quiet voice was filling the little cave room, making shivers run down my spine. With her eyes still closed and focus written all over her face she used the Force to put all the parts together. "We are one," she finished her recitation and reached out, catching both lightsaber floating in the air in front of her into her hands. She slowly stood up and initiated both of them, but strangely enough the room stayed dusked as it was before. My eyes fell on her left hand.

"Oh my..." I exhaled, covering my mouth with my hand. She held the lightsaber the other way around, making the blue laser sword run behind her arm. She looked up, for a second she was looking right at me, but then the young girl literally melted in the air, leaving me standing there dumbfounded and completely perplexed.

"Wait. Don't panic, not just yet. This has to have a logical explanation. You can talk about it to Master Zhar and…then you can panic," I tried to calm myself down before I mimicked the girl's action and used the Force to get myself few focusing crystals and two primary ones. Blue. I liked the colour. Probably just like the girl.

_No! Don't even go there. That's insane._

I hid them in a pocket and slowly made my way out of the cave again. I was still thinking about the…whatever it was I saw in the cave. Or rather I was trying to convince myself to stop thinking about it. Anyway, I completely stopped watching where I was going. When I snapped out of it I realized I had no idea where I was.

"Great. Now I'm lost, fantastic," I put hands on my hips and looked around. I stood in the middle of small valley with grassy hills around me. I decided to get on top of one of them to get a better view of nearby surroundings. If I was lucky I could spot the Enclave in the distance.

"What is that?" I asked under my breath when I saw a pack of Kath hounds. The animals were all gathered around something, which had a strong resemblance to human body.

Somehow it never struck me I was unarmed, I run down the hill right to the hounds. Fortunately they were just lying there; apparently their _snack_ had tired them out. They were too lazy to even move, the most they did was lifting their heads to look at me.

I was right. It was human body. It was covered in blood and it was missing some flesh on its limbs. It wasn't a pleasant sight, but I'd seen worse. I started searching it and found a datapad covered in dried blood. It was a diary. The last entry was about the man's plans to go haunting local wild animals.

"Casus Sandral," I breathed and closed my eyes. "Oh, I so don't want to tell his father," I complained with my fingers firmly pressed to my eyes. But I was probably the only one who knew about his son's fate right now. I had to tell him.

"But I must find the way first," I murmured while pocketing Casus's datapad.

Nurik Sandral was a man in his late forties maybe, with dark skin and no hair on his head. Our meeting was strange. As I suspected, he took the news about his son's death with a surprise and shock, but a little different one then what you'd expect from someone who had just learned about their child's death.

"He was attacked by a pack of Kath hounds, Mr. Sandral," I answered his question. "I found this on body and I think you should have it," I handed him the datapad. Even thought I'd tried to clean it with my sleeve on my way here, it was still little bloody.

He looked at it, turned it few times in his hands, before bringing his eyes up to me again. "Thank you for your information Jedi. I appreciate what you've done, but now I must ask you to leave me to my grief," he murmured and turned around.

I blinked at him as he made his way out of the small entrance hall, leaving me standing in the room alone. I shrugged and turned on my heel, but as soon as I made a step forward, I heard a door open behind me.

A young, dark-skinned woman went in, looking cautiously over her shoulder. "Master Jedi," she called me, keeping her voice down. I wanted to tell her I was no real Jedi, but she spoke up again. "Are you here to investigate the disappearance of Shen Matale?" she asked.

I lifted my eyebrows. "Eh, originally I came to tell Mr. Sandral about his son."

She nodded curtly. "Casus is dead, isn't he?"

"Unfortunately. Do you know something about Shen?" I asked.

"Well…" she hesitated. "My father has a good heart," she started. "But he and Mr. Matale aren't on the best of terms. And when my brother went missing, my father simply assumed Ahlan – that's Shen's father - was involved and kidnapped Shen in return."

"So he's here?"

"Yes. My father keeps him in one of our rooms, but the door's locked. You must help us, Master Jedi."

That got my attention. "Us? You two are…close?"

She nodded. "Closer than our fathers liked us to be. But we're in love and…"

"You don't have to say anything more. I'll do what I can, but I need codes to the door first."

"I don't have them," she shrugged.

_Well…that might complicate things. I can't override pretty much anything._ I took a breath and wanted to say out loud exactly what I thought, but when I opened my mouth it was like someone else was speaking. "No problem, I've got some experience with overriding and hacking. I can handle that. What other security measures does your father have here?"

She shrugged again. "Few droids, but they are shut off when we're home. Please, when you find him, tell him I'll wait for you outside our house. "

She then motioned me to follow her. She showed me where I should go before heading to the other direction, wishing me luck.

It wasn't difficult to sneak through their house to the small room. But when I stood in front of the lock, I felt completely helpless. "What was I thinking?" I whispered to myself. "I have experience with overriding and hacking? What nonsense!" I used my nails to put off the lid of the panel on the wall. I looked at the small diodes and wires and didn't know what to do.

"Come on, it can't be that difficult," I tried to reassure myself and lifted my hands, using my fingertips to trace the little devices.

An image of thousands of wires, little lights and iron plates shot through my mind. I could see a rust droid with shining yellow eyes, but when I blinked, I was facing a grey wall again. But the door was unlocked. I looked at my hands which were still touching the control panel.

"Hell," I breathed and shook my head. I opened the door and looked inside. The room was small with just enough space for one bed and bedside table. A young boy was sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall with his back, his head hung between his shoulders. He looked up at me and frowned.

"Shen? My name's Raven. Rahasia sent me to come for you. She's waiting for you outside, but we need to hurry. I have bad feeling about this."

...

I had a really good feeling when I stepped on the pavement around the Enclave again. It took me a great effort to force the two headstrong fathers to finally compromise for their children's sake, but it was worth the trouble.

But the situation looked terrible at first. For a second I thought they were going to kill each other. But it seems I shouldn't have become a soldier with my talent in negotiation. Maybe a politician.

"It's nice to see you so happy," Nemo greeted me when I approached the Enclave. He was sitting on the bench outside.

"You were here all the time I was gone?" I asked and he nodded. "I couldn't wait for your return. I guess things went well with the two families?"

"Am I that transparent?" I asked with a smile. "But yes," I nodded, sitting down beside him. "I still don't know how I did it. I even unlocked the door, which I've never managed before. One second I was standing there, the other I walked right through the door," I shook my head, still smiling. "And when I played Jedi out there, trying to persuade the families to cooperate, it felt so good and somehow I had a feeling like it was the right thing for me. Like I was born to be a…"

"Jedi?" he finished.

"Sounds crazy, I know. But I like it."

"The way of the Force is mysterious indeed," he paused, putting his hand around my shoulders. "Maybe in time you happen to discover things that will change your life forever."

I shook my head. "I don't think there might be anything which would surprise me now."

"Don't speak too soon, my girl." His hand patted my back. "But I think you should go now. Your Master must be afraid something bad happened to you out there."

I stood up and looked at the old man. "Thank you, Master Nemo. I enjoy our small talks."

He nodded and with a gesture of his hand he sent me away. When I was inside his voice made me turn around to him: "I know you do. You've told me before."

I gaped at him and the door closed, blocking me the view at the old men. "You've told me before?" I repeated incredulously. I tried to search my memory if I had happened to tell him that during the short time I was here, but I simply couldn't remember a single moment like that.

I slowly turned around and went down the corridor, my mind racing. What was it about? What did he mean by it?

"Ah," I moaned and hid my face in my palms. "I really need to get among normal people," was my conclusion. I was starting thinking rather naïve and completely impossible things. I was glad I finally found Master Zhar, it made stop thinking. "I've completed my task, Master," I told him and showed him the crystals I brought with me.

"Two," he gave a mild smile. "I thought so. You were skilled when it came to dual-wielding. Well, what are you waiting for?"

I bit my lip and turned to the workbench. I approached it slowly, laying down the crystals. Using the Force I started working. In my mind's eye I could see the girl in the cave again and I was constructing the lightsaber the way she did. When I was done, I wasn't as excited as I had always imagined I'd be.

"Is something wrong?" Master Zhar asked, probably sensing my unease.

"I...need to...ask something. How did she look like?"I asked, not turning to him.

He was silent for a second. "Adrianne?"

I nodded. I had to wait for his answer and when it came it was hesitant. "She was...short. She looked a lot like you, come to think of it. Black hair and blue eyes, though not as dark as you have. Why do you ask?"

"I need to know if I'm to find her," I lied. I turned around and showed him the lightsabers. "I'm done," I informed him and looked at the weapons. I didn't even realize it before, but as I followed Adrianne's doing I made exactly the same looking lightsabers. Simple, with curved hilt. One of them had three emitter shrouds, the other had only two.

Master Zhar took one of them from me and looked at it. His eyebrow quirked, before he handed it back to me. "Nice work Raven. I'm proud to welcome you in the Jedi Order, Padawan."

...

"You look sad," Bastila said silently, looking at me from the corner of her eyes.

"Just in thoughts," I corrected her and tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. "Why did they do it? Why did they send him ahead?"

"They wanted to protect us, probably. We both are only Padawans. He was a Jedi Master with lot of experience." She was talking calmly as if the situation didn't bother her at least.

"The droid tried to shoot your head off too when you opened the door. But you deflected the bolt. Master Nemo didn't."

Bastila put her hand on my shoulder, stopping us both. "Do not let his death bring you down, Raven. Remember the Jedi Code. There is no death..."

"...there is the Force," I finished. "Why isn't it making me feel any better?"

"Peace will come. Don't worry," she tried to reassure me. Slowly she turned and set out again. "You should focus on the task at hand right now," she spoke up when I followed her. "We must tell the Council what we found out in that ruins."

I only hummed something. I wasn't really in conversational mood. All our way back I spent with my head hung, looking at the grass under my feet.

"_The droid must be talking about poor Nemo."_ That was how Bastila commented Nemo's body. She had a hint of pity in her voice, but that was all. She didn't really care.

"There is no death," I whispered under my breath, "there is the Force."

"That's right," Bastila nodded. "Keep repeating that."

In a less than one hour we were back. We met Master Vandar in his own private chamber and for once I was glad Bastila did all the talking. I wasn't even paying attention to their conversation until I heard my name and: "...set off as soon as possible."

"What?" I exclaimed, taking a step forward. "I...no, I can't. I have my duties to the Republic Master Vandar. I can't..."

"Padawan," Master Vandar spoke up. "You want to help the Republic. If we find this Star Forge and take it from Malak's hands, it will lead to the Dark Lord's end. And end of this war. But we need you to accompany Bastila."

I watched his little form, thinking. He was right of course. "I'd do anything to stop this war," I whispered. "But only the two of us won't be enough. I have few friends who could help us"

"I don't think it's a good idea Raven," Bastila stepped in. "I believe their presence on this mission..."

"...is my only condition," I interrupted what looked like another of her lectures. "We need a fast ship and a good pilot. And Carth can provide both. With Mission and Zaalbar we'll even a crew. And T3 can be our mechanic," I added with a smirk.

Bastila sighed. "I believe their presence on this mission would be distractive for you," she finished what she intended to say.

"Distractive? How could…oh, I see what you mean. Then let me tell you it's none of your business dear Bastila," I scowled and looked at Master Vandar. "You want me to help you. And I will, but I doubt it will take only me and Bastila to succeed."

"Juhani volunteered to help us," Bastila informed me innocently with her hands behind her back.

"Three Jedi...no, three _Padawans_ against the whole Sith army," I mused. "Yes, I think we might stand a chance," I mocked her. "Master Vandar, I need other people I can trust and count on."

"That's just an excuse Raven," Bastila went on. "You want him there because…because…"

"Because what?" I asked with a broad smile, enjoying how she suddenly couldn't find the right words.

"Ladies," Master Vandar finally stepped in. "I see no harm in bringing other people to our cause."

"Thank you Master Vandar," I bowed.

"But Master Vandar, the Code..."

"Padawan Raven," he talked to me, not allowing Bastila to finish her sentence. "I'd like to speak with Padawan Bastila in private."

I bowed once again and turned around. "I won," I smiled at her before I left the room. Only after the door shut behind me I could hear their muffled voices. I knew I shouldn't, but I stayed a little longer. I was curious about what he wanted to tell her.

_"Why Master Vandar?"_

_"We must learn from our mistakes in the past, young Padawan. Forbidding anything is not_ _the way."_

_"I always admired your wisdom and respected your choices, but I'm_ _afraid I can't agree with your opinion on this woman. I know her better than ever, thanks_ _to our bond, and I think her feelings for the republic pilot might complicate things. He's from_ _Telos."_

I frowned. What did she mean by that?

_"Yes, Padawan, I see your point. I can sense your fear and I think it's justified, but do not let it_ _distract you from your task. Sooner or later she will find out, her mind is far too strong to stay blind_ _to the truth forever, but I have a confidence you'll handle the situation when it occurs."_

_ "__It won't be easy Master Vandar. She'll hate me."_

_ "She'll understand eventual__ly. But she will need your help. Do not let her waste her second chance. Now go. Tell Juhani to get prepared."_

"_Master Vandar? I'd like to ask you some…_" I didn't hear the rest of her sentence. I didn't have the strength to eavesdrop any longer. Slowly I headed to my room, thinking, looking at the ground, wishing I hadn't been listening to their conversation.

And the feeling, the impossibly stupid feeling I had in the cave, started poisoning my mind again. I focused on the light weight on my neck, Ian's dog tags. I pulled them from beneath my T-shirt and looked at them. Somehow only one word kept echoing through my mind.

_Lie._


	14. Old man

Disclaimer: I don't own Kotor, Bioware does.

* * *

><p>"How did you even find this place?"<p>

"T3 sent me the address," I answered and fastened my lightsabers to the belt. I smiled. _My lightsabers…heh, sounds good._

"Do you want us to accompany you?" Juhani asked.

"No need," I shook my head. "Carth knows we're coming, so he'll be ready. We'll be right back. But you could take care of the Ebon Hawk," I told them and turned around, leaving the two women in the cockpit. I ran through our little ship and down the ramp. The hangar I was in was on top of the building and its opened door gave me a fantastic view at part of the life on Coruscant. Thousands of airspeeders were crossing the air, disappearing behind other skyscrapers, weaving their way between each other carefully. I smiled. It was nice to be here again. I was only sorry I didn't have time to visit Jasmine. But there would be time to do so when we'd be done. I was sure it wouldn't take too long.

With a content feeling I approached the lift and let it take me down few levels. Carth was lucky he got the flat in the upper floors. I went down the corridor to his door and opened them. But it wasn't Carth who greeted me. The little droid started rocking from side to side with joy when he saw me, producing happy beeps in the process.

"Hey there, T3. Glad to see you too, little buddy," I smiled at him and patted his head. He moved from the door so that I could walk in. "Nice," I whispered under my breath, looking around. I was in a large living room. T3, still chiming happily, made his way to the glass coffee table in front of the large sofa. Carth had already packed his bag and left it on it together with his two blasters. On my left there was a huge holoprojector over the wall. And I could see a bar from where I was standing, but what actually drew my attention was a Dejarik table near it. It appeared someone was just in the middle of the game. And from the look of it, one of the players was losing it pretty badly.

"Raven."

I turned around after the voice and smiled. Carth appeared from one of the other rooms and quickly closed the distance between us, taking me firmly in his arms. I felt his lips touch my neck lightly. "I'm so glad to see you again."

"I missed you too flyboy," I smiled. His hands travelled down my body and when they reached my lightsabers, he took one of them and looked at it. "Incredible," he murmured and handed it back to me. "So…what was exactly was in that ruins? You didn't say," he immediately snapped to business. He even made a step away from me.

I didn't let disappointment show on my face when he did. I put the lightsaber on my belt again. "We found a star map there. But it was incomplete and we need to search few other worlds to find the rest of it, which should lead us to the Star Forge."

"And what is this Star Forge?" he asked again.

I shrugged. "We don't know. But it's important to find it."

"Then we better get started as soon as possible, huh? We just need to wait for Mission until she gets back from the cantina. She likes playing cards," he explained and went to the sofa to grab his things. "But she should be here in no time. And we can get the ship ready in the meantime."

"Bastila and Juhani are already working on it."

"Who's Juhani? Oh, the Cathar, yes," he realized, gesturing me to the door. But before we could reach it, it opened. An old man was standing in its frame. His hair was grey and so was his beard. His face was wrinkled and weary and he wore a simple long grey tunic which covered most of his trousers. He had a violet cloak over it.

"Cedric?" Carth exclaimed surprisingly. But the man wasn't paying attention to him. He was gazing at me and apparently he could scarcely believe his own eyes.

"Oh my…" I whispered when I recognized the man.

"What are you doing here?" Carth continued. "I told you I was leaving."

"I had to come," was all he said, he never took his eyes off me. "I had to see…" he made a step forward, but stopped when he noticed the weapons at my waist. "A Jedi?"

I nodded. "My name is Raven Simons. And I'm not a proper Jedi yet, just a Padawan, senator," I corrected him. At that he lifted his head to me again.

"Wait a minute," Carth spoke up. "Senator?"

"What? Is it weird I know Telos's representative?" I wondered and looked the old man in his troubled eyes. "It's a great honour to meet you in person, senator Thaori. I must thank you for all the efforts. It couldn't have been easy to convince the Supreme Chancellor Cressa, and the senate after that, that money invested into Telos Restoration Project would be well spent. Eh…did I say something wrong?" I asked, confused, at the senator's change of expression. Instead of joy I'd expect him express after being praised more sadness appeared in his old face. I looked at Carth, searching for help, but his expression took me by surprise as well; pure bewilderment.

"Don't you re..." the senator started, but a sound of the opening door made him fell silence again.

"Big'Z! Look at that, Raven!" Without any warning someone blue literally jumped into my arms. If it weren't for Carth who promptly put his hand behind my back to steady me, I'd fall straight to the floor. And the next thing I knew was a pair of huge furry pawns around my head and face, messing with my hair and making it impossible for me to breath. Zaalbar was growling something, but I wasn't listening to him as I fought for fresh air.

"Well, at least we don't have to wait any longer," I heard Carth comment when I freed myself. "Would you see them to the ship, Raven? I need to discuss something with…" he paused, "senator Thaori first."

I tried to smooth my hair, looking at the old man from the corner of my eyes. "Eh, yeah. No problem. Do you want to take the bag up as well?"

He shook his head. "No. I...no."

"We'll wait for you upstairs. Don't take long," Mission smiled at Carth. "I want to finally get out of here," she added and left the apartment, followed by her furry friend. Slowly I made my way out of it too. I used the time before the door closed behind me to cast a last glance at the couple. They were still watching me motionlessly. Almost like they didn't want me to hear their conversation.

I bit my lip and set out towards the lift, where Mission and Zaalbar were already waiting for me.

"But why cannot I recall his face?"

"Human memory is complicated and selective, my apprentice. You've been through a lot and maybe it just chose to forget the traumatic moments of your life, allowing you to go on in peace."

"I don't want that. I don't want to forget him. I want to recognize him when I see him again. I want to tell him how much I've become in spite of the suffering he put me through. That in spite of everything I was strong enough to dust off and..."

"Raven, hurry!" Mission called at me.

"I'm...coming," I called back and quickened my pace. She pressed the button to take us to the hangar as soon as I got in the lift.

"I knew you were coming," Mission said to me. "Carth didn't say anything, but when I saw the bag, I knew it. And he didn't want to believe me at first, but I must have been convincing, 'cause he came with us. I think he is sick of this planet too. It's too...formal, boring, you know what I mean."

"No. Who are you talking about?"

/The mercenary. Canderous,/ Zaalbar answered me. /He was in the cantina Mission's took a liking to so much./

"No one could beat me in the Pazaak there," she tried to justify herself.

/It's because you kept cheating./

She narrowed her eyes at her friend, folding her arms in front of her. "You weren't complaining when you were spending half of the money I won on food."

"Canderous?" I cut in on them. "He's still here?"

"He worked in the cantina. That's why I was there so often. I knew he'd have my back if anything happened, like...you know," Mission laughed. "People get angry when they catch me cheating."

"You're incorrigible," I sighed and was thankful we finally reached the hangar. Bastila was nowhere to be seen, but Juhani and Canderous were loading our supplies from the Council's ship to the Ebon Hawk's cargo bay.

"It's good we're finally going to do something," Mission smiled before she ran to help those two.

...

"I don't get it," Carth shook his head. "You're a Padawan. So are Juhani and Bastila. And yet they've sent you to follow Revan's and Malak's footsteps to find this Star Forge. Alone."

Mission nodded and turned in the co-pilot's seat to look at me. Her left hand was absentmindedly playing with one of her lekku.

I shrugged. "Because we had the vision, they were convinced we are the ones who're supposed to end this war. They even think we might have more visions in the future regarding Revan, which could help our search. And mainly they wanted to protect us."

"Protect you?" Mission repeated it incredulously. "That makes no sense. What you're going to do is practically like fighting Malak himself and you're far too inexperienced for that, let me tell you. If they really wanted to protect you, they would send someone to watch over you, help you if you were stuck."

I had to smile at that. "At first I thought it weird too, but it does make sense if you look at it from another angle. With a Master Jedi in our group, we would draw too much unwanted attention."

"You may have a point here, Raven, but I agree with Mission here. It is reckless of them," Carth frowned. "Letting neophyte Padawan wander the galaxy, let alone follow the very person who wants to get her. Blasted, Malak even levelled Taris to make sure Bastila wouldn't escape. That's not normal!" he almost shouted.

"Carth," I called him softly, laying my hand on his shoulder to calm him down, "we're talking about Jedi. And trust me, they're anything but normal. And stop getting so angsty. I wanted to bring the Republic into the matter, but the Council forbid it, saying it was…"

"I wanted to tell you, but the Council forbid it!" I flinched when I heard Bastila's voice behind me. I looked over my shoulder and saw her standing there, sweaty, her face unnaturally pale in the dim red light. Her lower lip was broken and she had an open wound on her head. With a shocked expression I watched the blood slowly run down her cheek. I took a sharp breath was about to ask her what happened. But the image was gone all of sudden.

My lower lip shivered when I turned my back to the empty corridor again. I touched my forehead and closed my eyes. "…Jedi's business," I finished faintly.

"You okay?" Mission asked slowly. She was looking at me the whole time.

I nodded. "I just thought I heard something," I waved my hand, trying to sound carelessly.

"And since when do you listen to the Council?" Carth asked, apparently too angry to notice my abrupt and somewhat suspicious pause.

"Since…" a stern voice sounded behind us. I was almost afraid to turn around this time. But except for slight irritation in her eyes and hands akimbo Bastila looked her usual self. "…she is a part of the Jedi Order, Carth. Raven," she looked at me. "I was trying to meditate before we reach Kashyyyk, but your emotions keep distracting me. Again. You really need to learn how to calm your mind."

Mission snickered at that, which earned her a playful slap from me. "Sorry, I'll try to do so in the future. But I'm glad you're here. Gather everyone in the main hold. We're just few clicks away from our destination and I'd like to talk to them."

"Wow, my first briefing," Mission smiled and jumped off the seat, following Bastila. I waited until they were out of earshot, before I sat on the co-pilot's seat.

"Uhm, Carth?" I spoke after he shot me a curious glance. "Do you remember what you told me on Taris? About the Force, I mean. And Dark Jedi."

He chuckled. "It's been two months, beautiful. You need to be more specific."

_"I heard the Force can do terrible things to the mind. Like wipe away your memories and destroy your very identity."_

"I…I don't remember it word for word, but it was something about misusing the Force to change someone's memories," I blurted out as I had been preparing it a thousand times before in my mind.

"That…" he frowned.

"I wonder, did you say it just like that, to scare me? Or do you have a proof the Sith can do that?"

His scowl deepened. "I don't have a proof," he started, to my relief. "But it's been happening. The Sith use the Force to turn our best men against us, forcing them to believe they were loyal to Malak from the very beginning. I've met few soldiers like that. It was..." he broke off at the memory. " Why do you ask?" he looked at me.

I shook my head. "I…don't know. There are moments I just…" I broke off, taking a slow breath. I looked at him and smiled. "There are moments I just can't have enough information. The Force is fascinating and mysterious. And with every item of information I gain I can better understand how it works. Heh, I was driving Master Zhar insane sometimes with my constant questions." I wanted to tell him. I really did, but...

A ghost of smile appeared on his face. "It's good to know you enjoy this so much. I remember how sad you looked those two months ago."

"I know. And yes, I like it. I haven't changed my mind however. When this is over, I'm going back to the Republic. The Jedi Order isn't really the right place for me," I shrugged and stood up. "Come, I'd like to speak to the crew about our mission."

Everybody was already in the main room when we arrived. Bastila had her hands folded in front of her and even though she looked indifferent I knew the fact me and Carth were alone in the cockpit bothered her. Juhani seemed little nervous, but considering she spent just few hours with the whole crew it was nothing weird. Canderous was sitting on one of the seats there and had his repeater on his lap, cleaning it with a rag. T3, Mission and Zaalbar were around the holopanel, examining it.

Mission looked at me when we entered the room. "Bastila just said you're a great Dejarik player. You must teach me how to defeat Carth finally."

"Maybe later," I answered with a slight smile. "Now I'd like to tell you what this is all about. Shut up, Bastila," I warned her, before she could open her mouth. I knew she was against the idea of telling them all the details. "On Dantooine we found a fragment of star map that should lead us to something called Star Forge. Whatever it is, Malak's been using it to get the upper hand in this war. And so it's important to find it and take it from him, destroy it if there is no other option," I paused to take a breath. "The thing is the map wasn't complete. Fortunately we're familiar with the locations of other star maps in few nearby systems. We believe the information from all the star maps could give us the coordinates we need to find the Star Forge."

"How many of the star maps are there?" Canderous asked.

"Except for the one on Dantooine, there are four others. On Kashyyyk, Korriban, Tatooine and Manaan."

"And where are we heading right now?" Juhani spoke up. She hadn't been with us in the cockpit when I'd made the decision.

"Kashyyyk," I answered her and used the Force to project the image of the planet above the holopanel. The girl immediately leaned closer to the little rotating planet.

"This is Kashyyyk?" Mission bit her lip. "Wow. It's all one big forest!" She was so close to the hologram that her face was lit by the blue light of it.

"Why? Korriban's nearer," Canderous stated, never bothering to lift his eyes to me.

"I know, but... Juhani just went through slightly ugly experience and the Sith planet is the last thing she needs. That goes for me as well," I scratched in my hair. "I don't understand the Force how I'd like to yet, so the longer before we walk into rancor's nest, the better," I explained and watched Mission harassing Zaalbar to show her on the hologram where his village is.

He didn't like it. /But I don't know that, Mission./

"So…now you know everything we do," I finished my speech. "Questions?"

"I have one," Canderous said again, putting his repeater aside and standing up. He leaned closer to the image of Kashyyyk. "It's rather big place. How do you intend to find the map there?"

"We're Jedi Knights," Bastila dared to interfere. "Surely the Force will give us a hint."

"It has already," I smiled and looked at the planet as well. "And that's the reason why I chose Kashyyyk to be our first stop. Zaalbar? What is the name of you home village?"

/Rwookrrorro,/ he answered hesitantly. /Why, Raven? We have nothing like the star map there. There's no reason to go there./

"It's not in the village, but nearby. Or…it's underneath. We've shared another vision with Bastila. The star map is on the planet's surface."

"You're kidding, right?" Carth spoke up too. "Haven't you heard how dangerous the surface is?"

"I have, but I'm afraid we have no other choice," I shrugged.

"How can you be so sure with the location?" Juhani asked curiously.

"I can't. But I think I'm right about it."

"Wow!" Mission smiled. "We're going to visit your home, Big'Z. That's great. I'm looking forward to it," she said and looked at her friend.

He didn't answer her. He kept watching the holographic planet with sad expression.

"Zaalbar?" I called him and touched his hand. "Is something wrong?"

/Raven, I...could I stay on the ship?/ he asked hesitantly.

Mission frowned. "What? Why?"

"That's what I wonder too," Bastila joined our discussion again. "Zaalbar, you'd be of a great help to us. We don't know your customs or traditions. We don't know how we should behave. We could use a guide like you."

/But...but I don't want to go. I cannot.../ I squeezed his large paw to stop him. "Zaalbar? If you don't want to go here, I can't force you. Nor I will. You may stay on the ship," I whispered to him and then looked at Mission. "I'd appreciate if you stayed here with him too."

Mission looked disappointed, but when she looked at her friend, she tried to hide it. "Of course. I won't leave Big'Z alone. At least we'll be able to entertain each other," she added.

...

When the door closed behind us I turned around. "You traitor!" I snapped at Bastila. "Why did you agree to complete his quest?" I ignored the Wookie guards in front of the door to Chuundar's shack who were looking at us. I was angry, cold and soaked from the stupid rain.

"It was the only peaceful way out of the situation your _negotiation_ brought us in," she answered calmly, but I could sense she was irritated as well.

"Peaceful? He didn't deserve a peaceful outcome! He broke into my ship to search it and ended up kidnapping Mission and Zaalbar! And yet he had the guts to _demand_ anything from us. I tell you, Bastila, I'm not killing the Wookie in the Shadowlands for that bishwag, no matter what you promised!" I turned around again, unwilling to continue the discussion.

"You need to control your emotions, Raven," she called after me. "Anger leads to the dark side."

I stopped and took a slow breath. I tardily turned to face her once again. "Let me tell you something, Bastila. When people fuck with me, I don't care. I can handle myself and if I don't it's my problem I got in the wrong situation. But when they're trying to hurt people I care about, I would do anything to help them out, murders included if necessary."

"You talk like..." whatever it was she wanted to say she dismissed it. "It's not a Jedi way," she persisted.

"Jedi way..." I smiled, combing my wet hair with my fingers. "He kidnapped _my_ friends and then practically blackmailed us," I started explaining slowly, calmly, with a hint of sarcasm in my voice. "If anyone deserved to be killed in the fucking shack, it was Chuundar. So you better not step between me and him next time, Bastila, for your own sake. Did I make myself clear?" I whispered. "Besides, where is your Jedi way in murdering the _madclaw_ Chuundar was talking about, huh?" I added and turned around again. I started to follow the Wookie who was to escort us to the lift. None of my friends dared to speak all the way there. Even when we got in it, they just sat down wordlessly.

The lower the lift got, the darker our surroundings was. The rain couldn't get through the thick treetops any longer, but the cold that was emanating from the black emptiness below us was making it up for us, unfortunately. As we breathed, we were forming a little clouds of vapour in front of us.

"So, what are we going to do?" Juhani asked, daring to finally break the terrible silence. Even though she was asking us all, her eyes were focused on me.

I looked away from her. "I...don't know. I don't want to kill the Wookie, as I said, but as hard as I'm trying I can't find any other way to sort the mess out. Not to mention it's not going to be easy down there. I hope you're ready."

"I bet the Under city would be a walk in the park with comparison to this place," Carth nodded.

"I agree," Juhani mused as well and looked at her lightsaber she was playing with. I frowned. Had she ever been to Taris to know the Under City, I wondered.

"We can worry about the Wookie later. Our priority is the star map," Bastila said. She was even paler then usual and her lower lip was shivering from cold. She tried to hide her fisted hands in her sleeves to warm them up a little.

"Our priority," I corrected her, "is to find the way how to free our friends. The map is secondary now."

"The solution's simple, isn't it?" Canderous stepped in. "We kill the Wookie and bring his head to Chuundar."

"Why? He hasn't done anything wrong," Juhani scowled at the Mandalorian. "We should join him instead. Against the slavers!"

"Nice, if you want to get yourself killed," Carth stated. "He's just one man...Wookie. And there are maybe hundreds of them up there, both Wookies and Czerka workers."

"There weren't that many of those Czerka rats," Canderous opposed him.

I frowned a little when the idea hit me. "But there has to be a reason why Chuundar wants to get rid of this _madclaw_," I started thinking out loud. "What if he's more influential then we think? What if Chuundar's afraid his word could set the village against him and that's why he wants his voice silenced. After all, I doubt the Wookies are glad to see Czerka Corporation here. Maybe many of them are angry with the new Chieftain, but are too afraid to say anything."

Canderous smirked. "You want to bring him down then? I like the idea."

"Sounds like a plan," Juhani agreed as well.

"So...we're going to find him and listen to his side of the story?" Carth asked, nodding slightly in approval. "That's much better than killing him."

I looked at Bastila questioningly to see what she thought about it. She was looking at me, smiling proudly. "Well done, Raven," she said silently. "I knew you'd figure it out."

I lifted my eyebrows. "How so?"

Her smile was gone. "I...simply had confidence in you. That's all. No other reason." She looked away from me. It was painfully obvious she was lying, and according to the looks others noticed it too.

"We're slowing down," she said to the silence. I looked over the edge of the unsound wooden lift. I could see few lights in the dark, probably torches Wookies had placed on the very surface. I watched it getting closer and closer with anticipation until the lift stopped, allowing us to jump down on the wet ground. It was covered with short grass, but because of the mist we could see only its peaks.

When my feet hit the ground, shivers went down my spine. This time not because of the cold, but because of this place. It was dark, old and powerful. It had its spirit and I could swear I heard the forest's voices talking to me. I lifted my head, looking up at the huge tree trunks disappearing in the dark above. This place was intimidating, wild and something else, which frightened me. It was...

..._so familiar,_ I thought and bit hard on my lip to stop it from shivering again.

"I've never seen anything like this before," Juhani whispered beside me, but I wasn't listening to her actually.

_No, no...Raven, no. That's not possible. You have your life, you clearly remember all the details...well, except from before the..._ "...accident," I whispered.

A feeling of someone's hands on my arms startled me. "Hey, calm down," Carth whispered to my ear, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind. "Are you alright? You turned pale."

"I'm cold," I managed to smile despite myself, covering his hands with mine and leaning into his embrace. I could feel his warmth through our clothes and that brought goose bumps on my skin. I turned my head to see him. "You're hot," I whispered with a smile.

"I bet he is, but we have a work here," Bastila said in the coldest voice.

"What an ice queen..." I muttered, making Carth chuckle before he let me go.

"But which way?" Canderous asked, turning around.

"There's a path over there," Juhani pointed somewhere. And when I looked at the direction I knew this was where we should go.

"Let's go. Maybe it will warm us up a little," I murmured and started to follow the path. We were going through a little valley between two small hills. The grass was getting longer; it was reaching to our knees now. But we didn't go far when we heard a loud growling and snarling from somewhere in front of us.

"What is it?" Bastila asked and narrowed her eyes in an attempt to see through the dark.

"Let's find out," I replied and started running up the hill. Using the Force I drew both of my lightsabers to my hands in a case I'd need them. Soon I could see a bald, dark-skinned old man with green lightsaber fighting four giant lizards.

I didn't hesitate to help him. He didn't even flinch when I joined the battle, ripping the beast's stomach with my lightsaber when I passed it by. I cut off its head to end its suffering. The other lizard tried to bit my hand off, but I placed the left blade in the way as a shield, making the monster back away. I made a step forward, using the beast's inattention and killed it effortlessly.

When it fell to the ground, the place fell quiet. The fight was over. With a quiet swoosh I deactivated my lightsabers and fastened them back to my belt. "Are you alright?" I looked at the men. He had white beard, wrinkled face, but his eyes looked much younger. He surprised me when he reached out to turn my head upwards a little to look at me. He was frowning. "Well, well...now I've seen it all," he mumbled.

"Yeah," I smiled hesitantly when he let go of my face. "I know this isn't the place where you'd expect to meet anyone. I was surprised too when I saw you. Name's Raven," I offered a handshake. He accepted it with his eyebrows raised. "Raven you say, hm?" He repeated and his other hand touched his chin. His eyes then looked somewhere behind me and when I followed his gaze I could see my friends getting closer. I didn't even know I ran that far ahead of them.

"Raven!" Bastila shouted at me. "How could you split from the group? What if something happened to you?"

"So you'd wanted me to let the monsters kill...uhm..." I looked at the man beside me.

He waved his hand. "Bah! They wouldn't kill me. I may be old, but not helpless, child. But it is true there might be more of them," he added absentmindedly and looked around. "But this isn't the place for discussion. Come follow me, if you want. If not, well..." he didn't finish and turned around.

"Is that a Jedi?" Juhani asked silently, when I motioned them to follow him. He was walking swiftly for and old man. And it seemed he really knew his way around. _He must be here for a long time,_ occurred me.

He led us deeper into the forest where he had built a little hut in one of the tree trunks. He invited us in. I doubted six people would get in, but it was more spacious than it seemed from outside. There was a table, a frail-looking chair and a bed with ragged blanket. On the right from the door a hole was dug in the ground. It was full of charred wood and ash.

"Welcome in my modest home," the old man started, closing the door behind us. "I'd offer you something to eat or drink, but I'm afraid I don't have anything to spare right now. Have a seat," he motioned to the only chair.

"What are you doing here, sir?" Bastila asked without hesitation.

"Sir? Girl, there's no need for such a fancy words. I'm not used to it," he waved his hand. "I'm just an old man. And what am I doing here? A living! It's sure peaceful here. This place is a paradise of a sort."

"You're a Jedi," I stated, ignoring his irony. Or maybe he was serious, in which case it was even worse.

Wordlessly, he turned his eyes to me. He was apparently trying to estimate me according to the intensive look he gave me. "I'm Jolee, Jolee Bindo," he introduced himself. "Why do you think I'm a Jedi, child?"

I eyed his lightsaber, but it was Canderous who expressed my thoughts out loud. "You have a lightsaber."

"And that makes a Jedi of me? Hm, kids these days," he shook his head. I couldn't suppress smile at that. Canderous was hardly a kid. I turned my head away to hide my grin, looking at his bed. And the smile froze on my lips.

Just a moment ago it was empty, but now a young, pale man was lying on it. He looked sick and had a lot of scars on his bared body; he wore only his trousers, which by the way were similar to those of Jedi robes. He was bald and had a tattoo on his scalp; few blue stripes. My eyes widened when I realized I'd seen them before. These were the same Darth Malak had.

"He was lucky. If you had found me only minutes later, he wouldn't have survived. I managed to neutralize the poison. He's out of the danger now. He's a strong lad. Let me tell you, lass."

I kept looking at the young men. I watched his chest raising and falling again as he was breathing slowly. As if he could feel my gaze, he opened his eyes and looked at me. A faint smile appeared on his face as he whispered something. I couldn't hear it, but from the move of his lips I could tell what it was. Adrianne.

"And what did you say your name was? Because I always thought the name belonged to a man, so pardon my disbelief."

I finally tore off my eyes from the man, closing them and pressing my fingers in them. "...looking for something," was Juhani saying when I started paying attention to my surroundings once again.

"Well, there's not much to find around here," Jolee mused, looking at me. Why did he kept looking at me? "Trees, tach or two and other creepy-crawlies. Oh, and Wookies. Lots of, lots of Wookies."

"A star map?" I brought up, earning a shocked look from Bastila.

He lifted his hand and nodded a few times. "Yes, maybe that too," he admitted slowly. "And maybe I know where it is if you're interested."

"I hear but here," Canderous observed.

"Of course there is one!" he agreed. "You wouldn't want everything on a silver plate, would you?"

"It would be a nice change from the usual. Anyway, what do you want us to do?" I asked him.

* * *

><p>End of chapter. Again, thanks for reading and feel free to leave any comment :) And if there's more mistakes and typos than ususal, I'm sorry. It's not an excuse, but it's sorta pretty late here and my eyes refuse to listen to me anymore :) So, heading to bed I am. Night, people :)<p> 


	15. It's all just a game

Disclaimer: I don't own Kotor or any of the characters, except for Raven.

* * *

><p>"What the hell was that?" Carth asked when we finally dared to leave our hide.<p>

I helped Juhani to her feet before answering. "Terentatek. I've read about it back in the Enclave. These creatures originate from Korriban. They live in places tainted with the dark side. And they're immune to the Force, which makes them highly dangerous," I explained.

"From Korriban? What was it doing here?" Canderous asked as we slowly made our way back to Jolee's hut.

"Who knows?" I shrugged. "Fifty years ago the Order organized a hunt to exterminate them, but maybe Jedi only managed to spread them all over the galaxy," I joked.

"That wasn't a very effective hunt. Jedi…" Canderous smirked, eyeing Bastila for her reaction. She ignored him. So he went on. "The last decent Jedi was Revan. If it weren't for him, the Republic would have never defeated us."

"Canderous," I warned him. Not because of Bastila, but because of Carth. I noticed how he fisted his hands when Revan's name sounded.

"Bullshit," he growled. "Revan was murdering bastard."

"He saved all your republic asses," Canderous went on.

"He betrayed us."

"Carth," I tried to quiet him down. I even wanted to take his hand in mine, but somehow I couldn't bring myself to do it.

But as if he wasn't listening to me. "I'm only sorry he died on the ship because I would be more than glad if I could put a gun to his head and pull the trigger myself."

"You wouldn't even get anywhere near to him, republic. I saw him fighting Mandalore himself. That man was hell of a swordsman. And he practically did it with only one lightsaber. He fought exactly the same way as Raven," he pointed at me.

I stopped at that. "So what?" I snapped at him. "So he fought the same way, what about it?"

"Hey, what's the matter, sweet thing?" he grinned at me.

"Nothing and quit that smirk at once," I growled, putting my hands on my hips. "And unless you want to get eaten by some of those lovely creatures that live here I'd recommend you shut the fuck up! I don't want to hear another word about Revan, understood?" I screamed. And that worked, they fell quiet after that. All I had to do was ignore their questioning looks.

Jolee was waiting for us in front of his hut when we arrived. He was surprised when we told him about what happened.

"Hm, so you turned off the emitters to attract the creature? Smart. How did get the idea?" he asked, casting a glance over us all.

"Raven brought it up," Juhani said and looked at me with a smile.

"It was a coincidence," I shrugged. When Bastila was talking to the leader of the hunters I used the time to talk to his men. One of them mentioned what would happen without those emitters and persuading him to shut it off was an easy job. "Anyway," I paid the old Jedi a searching look, "we finished our end of the bargain. Now it's your turn."

"Of course. It's not far from here, not even an hour journey." Without waiting for us he immediately headed to the direction he pointed at. "Unfortunately it's in the most dangerous part of nearby forest. That's why Czerka erected the force field on the way there. It's good to keep the large ones behind, but if they can fly or climb the trees, it's useless. What can I say? Czerka."

I snickered at that. "Sounds like something they'd do."

"You know, lass," he started, touching me on arm to draw my full attention to him, "would you mind me asking who you really are? You're not looking like a Jedi."

"Because I'm not," I nodded. "I've been given a training to complete this mission, but the truth is I serve the Republic."

"So you're a soldier?" he mused, smiling a little. "Soldier, two Jedi, another soldier and a Mandalorian," he looked at Canderous. "What a diverse group you are."

"I won't refuse any help. Speaking of which, wouldn't you happen to know anything about a certain outcast Wookie? Madclaw, they call him."

"Madclaw? Why?" he asked slowly.

_He does…_ "I need to talk to him. Chuundar wants him dead and we'd like to know why."

"So Chuundar wants to kill him?" he repeated. I had a feeling he already knew this all and was only playing with us.

"Do you have any information about what's going on up there?" Carth stepped in too.

"I do. That's why I'm surprised they've filled you in," he admitted with a thoughtful look.

"Well, we sort of fell right into it," I murmured. "Unbeknown we brought Chuundar's brother with us. We had no idea who Zaalbar was. He was always so quiet, he spoke mostly to Mission," I added to our defence.

"Zaalbar's here? Well, then you're in a hell of a problem."

"Thanks for pointing out the obvious," I shook my head. "But we plan on bringing Chuundar down."

His arm wrapped around my shoulders. "I approve," he said with a strange smile. "It won't be easy, but something tells me if there was anyone who could succeed, it would be you."

I wanted to ask him what he meant by that, but then I spotted a source of dim blue light. In the dark we could distinguish an outline of huge iron construction that looked like a gate with a force field inside which was blocking the only passable way through this part of the forest.

"Ha, we're here. Give me a minute," Jolee smiled an approached the field. He put off the lid of the control panel and started working on it. I couldn't see what exactly he was doing, because he was obscuring my view. But the important thing was the field blinked a few times and disappeared.

"Ladies first," Jolee smiled and gestured us to continue.

Even behind the force field Jolee knew the forest well. He was acting like there were signs on each tree telling him where to go. He was choosing the safest roads for us, informed us beforehand to keep our voices down because we were about to pass by some monster's nest… simply put, we couldn't have a better guide.

And my feeling I had been here before was stronger with every step. Moreover when we passed the force barrier I _knew_ – and not because of the Force – we were closer and closer to the star map. So I kept my head down, watching my legs disappearing into the thick grass, so that I wouldn't have to look at all the familiar places and nooks, telling myself: _I've seen it before._ And as if others could feel my gloomy mood, no one was talking to me. They were speaking to each other quietly, but they were very well aware of their surroundings, guns ready.

Carth was walking near to me most of the time. Occasionally I could feel his hand brush mine, few times I saw him giving me a worried look. But I didn't lift my eyes to him. All I wanted was to get the job done and get the fuck out of this cursed place.

"So, my new friends, we're finally here," Jolee said after what seemed like eternity. I looked up. Between boulders not far from us we could see the star map we were looking for. It was next to a structure, which couldn't have been made by Wookies.

"What is it?" Juhani asked slowly, narrowing her eyes to see through the dark.

"A holoprojector," I answered. I knew I was right, but the source of this confidence was scaring me.

"How do you know it?" Canderous asked.

I didn't answer him. Instead I slowly headed to the holoprojector. My friends were only watching me getting closer, but none of them said a single word. When I was right in front of the small round platform, a blue creature I'd never seen before was projected in the air. The image wasn't clear, maybe as well as the star maps even this device was broken, and it displayed a tall, slim creature with long limbs and elongated head. Before I could react however it spoke up. "Analysis of organic creature initiated."

"Huh?" I tilted my head to one side. It was obviously talking to me. At least it was looking at me.

"Analysis done. Match found. Access granted," the hologram informed me.

"What?" Jolee said quietly. "All I got from him was access denied. Bah, computers…"

"What analysis did you run?" I asked.

"I'm sorry, data unavailable," he answered in emotionless robotic voice.

I shifted my weight. "Okay, let's try something else. Can you tell me something about this star map," I pointed my hand at the object.

"I'm sorry, data unavailable," he repeated.

"Unavailable," I murmured and narrowed my eyes. "Why isn't it opening? The star map, I mean."

"Only those worthy have the right to get the access to the star map."

"Maybe," Bastila spoke up, "it's a test. Like the one back on Dantooine. Do you remember the two consoles?"

I nodded thoughtfully. "That was pretty easy test after I solved the little language problem." I smiled at that. The "solving" meant kicking the computer and calling it names. "How can I prove my worth?" I asked without hesitation.

"I'll ask you questions and you'll have to answer that."

"So it's a quiz. And if I refuse?"

"I won't give you access to the star map."

"Figures," Canderous snorted behind me.

I bid the computer to go on. Strangely enough his first question didn't surprise me at all.

"How can he know about Zaalbar?" Juhani asked. "He's not here with us."

The computer didn't react to her, nor did I. I was thinking. The problem he explained was simple. "So I can either trust him and risk one or five years behind bars, or betray him with a chance of getting away freely or staying there involuntarily for five years," I mused. "I wouldn't betray him. I trust him with my life," I said and when I did so, I knew I made a mistake.

"The answer is incorrect," the hologram said after explaining that betrayal simply runs in the Zaalbar's family and it's unwise to trust him. "Another question. Hypothetically. There's a war. Your spies have managed to decipher the messages of your enemy. They told you that you enemy wanted to attack one of your cities in five days. In ten days however there would be a hole in his formation and therefore a great chance to attack him and destroy him completely. What would be the right course of action?" he asked.

I kept quiet, frowning. I felt panic starting to take over. It was a matter of few seconds, but it was almost more than I could take. I saw a large room, dark, lit only by the hologram of a battle plan above the holopanel in front of which I was standing. But I wasn't alone. People were around me, but I couldn't see their faces, I was looking at the plan, talking to them, explaining our next progress, tactics. Telling them how exactly I planned to crush Mandalorian defensive forces and retake our previously lost posts.

"Carth?" I heard a voice, loud as if its owner was right beside me, yet distant. "Could you help her? She seems…"

"I'd do nothing in the city," I said, thankful none of my friends could see my eyes water. When I went on however, my voice was cold and steady as if the vision never occurred. "I'd leave it the way it is, preparing my forces to strike in ten days."

"The answer is correct," computer replied. "By strengthening the forces in the city you'd let your enemy know his cipher has been decoded."

"It's not only that. The death of people in the city would be a great motivation for my soldiers. Besides if the war went on, much more people would die. A hundred thousands and million causalities, there's difference between those two."

"You solved the problem with a logic, which isn't matching the pattern stored in my memory bank since the last activation. Another question. Take the last problem with war. This time your enemy is weak and not anywhere near you. Without a threat to the city the citizens are complacent and starting to question you. The situation of your enemy is the same as it was. In five days he plans on attacking you, in ten days his formation will have a weak spot. What would be the right course of action?"

Slowly I smirked and couldn't help but feel a little offended by the stupidity of the question. "I'd let the attack happen. It would force the people to join with me again. And with that my power and influence would be getting stronger."

"Your answer is correct. Match found. I recognize you. I initiate the activation of the star map. Resetting parameters. Stases initiated. End of discussion." The hologram disappeared and the only sound breaking the silence now was the one of the opening star map.

"Isn't there something we should know, Raven?" Canderous asked. I looked at him. He had his repeater resting on his shoulder and a curious expression in his eyes. So were others. Except for Bastila.

_And Jolee,_ I noticed when I went to get the missing piece of information from the star map. "Maybe I do," I whispered, in the silence my voice carried as if I was shouting. Then I put a smile on my face, looking over my shoulder at my friends. "When it came to strategies no one could best me in my class," I added. "Apart from the professor himself, of course. War veteran, fought Exar Kun. Very experienced. Had a lot of scars," I was making it all up. "Here you go, Bas," I handed her my datapad. "Let's find the Wookie, Jolee. Would you mind taking us to him?"

When we set out again, Bastila quickly appeared by my side. "Do you have a plan?" she asked.

"No, no I don't," I answered with a smile. "But we've been lucky so far. We'll manage."

"Don't you think it's a little…reckless to count on luck?" she whispered.

I laughed at that, feeling strangely light-hearted all of sudden. "No, my dear Bastila, with a Force there is no luck. Don't you remember?"

She didn't smile though. "It's not funny. If you make the wrong move and…"

"Don't be so pessimistic, Bastila," I interrupted her.

"I'm just careful, Raven. You must realize just how insidious the dark side is."

"But I know that, don't I?" I looked at her, scowling. With a pleasure I watched her eyes widen, before I added: "It's all just a game, isn't it?" I went on playing with her. "I'm just wondering sometimes, who's the player and who's the…how to say it? The one behind the scenes? The one pulling all the strings?"

"What are you talking about?" she asked breathlessly.

"Why, Bastila, about life of course. Haven't you heard about Ulic Quel-Droma? I've read about him in the Enclave. He was a master player at this game. Fallen Jedi, redeemed by his action against his master. Do you believe in redemption?"

"Why are you asking these questions, Raven?" Through our bond I could feel her fear. I stopped and put a hand on her shoulder. "Because I'd like to know your opinion. You're my friend, Bastila. I trust you, and not only because of the bond, which is by the way the most intimate thing I share with anyone right now. I know I can count on you and that you'd never betray me. It's good to know I have someone like you watching my back. Thanks for that," I smiled at her. I was looking her in the eyes. She didn't dare to look away like she did so many times before. And I liked the feeling of guilt she was unintentionally expressing through our bond. "But come, if we lose sight of others, we're screwed in this forest. And don't worry. I have a plan; to persuade the Wookie to help us," I said finally, moving again to catch up on others.

"I'm not worried," she said. "I just don't want to see history repeat itself. I remember Revan, he…he was always reckless too. Always making fun of everything, playing it down. And look how it all ended for him."

"What was he like?" I asked. "You apparently knew him. Were you close?"

"I…don't know. We…were friends, but to tell the truth I think no one actually knew him. The real him, I mean. He was always so kind, willing to help anyone who asked. But sometimes it seemed to me that behind his smiles and nonchalant manners he only hid his true, troubled self. I never asked him to confirm my thoughts. He'd have never told me anyway," she said in a sad voice.

"And what is it in me that brought him to your mind?" I asked with a slightly rose eyebrow. "Do I seem troubled to you as well?"

"I don't…" she broke off. "No, Raven. I mentioned him, because I'd hate to see another great person meet a bad end."

"But," I said slowly, quietly, looking at her from the corner of my eyes, "I'm not Revan, am I?"

She looked at me with a perfect example of a Jedi face. "I'm just asking you to take this matter seriously, Raven. That's all."

"I see," I whispered and Bastila's face changed at that.

I nodded slowly. "I feel it too," I whispered, meaning the unpleasant shivers which run down my spine and the terrible anxiety foretelling something bad was going to happen.

"Ladies?" Carth said quietly, his eyes travelling from us to Juhani and back. "Is something…" he broke off when the ground shook. And then again. And again.

"Is it what I think it is?" he asked.

"That freak again?" Canderous added and I nodded.

"Maybe it will pass us by?" Juhani whispered. For a second we kept standing there, listening to the approaching thudding, before we finally hid behind one of the huge trees. As the creature was near, we moved silently behind it so that it wouldn't see us. But when it stopped I knew we were screwed. I closed my eyes when it sniffed the air and opened them when it roared loudly. Our tree quaked when it hit it. Before we knew it, the animal was standing in front of us.

Immediately we run each to the opposite sides. The monster stood its ground for a second, confused, before it started chasing after one of us. Juhani was doing very well, swiftly jumping from his reach and dodging its huge claws while Canderous was trying to shut through his armoured skin on his back. The terentatek didn't seem to feel his attack though.

"Your lightsaber!" Bastila screamed at Juhani. The Cathar looked at her, but it took her a second more then it should. The monster swung its tale at her, hitting her and throwing her off. She stopped when she crashed into the nearby tree. She crumpled to the ground wordlessly. A blood stream was running down her neck.

"He mustn't get to her!" Jolee yelled and tried to draw the terentatke's attention at himself. It ignored him however, running straight to the unconscious Cathar.

"No! Juhani!" Bastila tried to run after the monster, but it was much faster than her. Carth and Canderous even strengthen their firing, but it was to no use. The lasers couldn't hurt him.

It seemed nothing could stop him from reaching her. And I could almost see what would happen after he did. He would tear her body apart, pulverizing her under his large feet, eating what would be left of her. And it would do it to every single one us.

"Not likely," I hissed, lifting my hand in the air. I fisted my hand and pulled back as if I was holding its neck and pulling it away from Juhani.

The terentatek stopped where he stood. It looked like he was on a leash and reached its end, when his feet slipped and he fell to the ground on his back. With another of his roars he rolled over and stood up, looking around to see what happened. His eyes fell right on me.

"Raven, watch out!" I heard someone scream at me when the death started running to me, bellowing furiously and waving its lethal claws in the air.

I gave a lopsided smile. "Die," I whispered, never hearing my voice over the monster. With my hand still in the air I started closing my fingers like around someone's neck. Terentatek flinched. For a second it was still before it started gaping for air. Its flaws were touching its neck helplessly. Its whole body was shaking violently, making loud rattling sounds, but not even its confused eyes could make me to spare its life. I didn't let go of it until it was literally hanging in the air like a rag doll. Only then I let my hand fall to my hips, watching the dead creature crumple to the ground.

As if in the dream I made a first step to it. And another. Another. Slowly I made my way to the body, ignoring the shocked faces of my friends. I saw something sticking out of the corpse; a long, fancy blade with a serrated edge. It looked like it had to be in here for a long time, but it was easy to pull out.

"How is Juhani?" I asked bending over and using the grass to clean it from terentatek's blood.

"She just hit her head," Jolee answered. He was kneeling beside her, examining her wound. "Nothing serious."

"I thought it was immune to the Force," Canderous said, watching the dead creature.

"It is not," Jolee said, still looking at Juhani. "It only requires a strong mind and will to overpower it using the Force."

I looked at the blade. It was beautiful and sharp, decorated with strange symbols. It wasn't rusty or broken. If it had a hilt it could be a great weapon. "How far is the Wookie yet?" I asked, hiding the blade behind my belt carefully.

"He should be here. We're at his place."

"I don't see him anywhere nearby," Carth commented, looking around.

"Of course, son," Jolee nodded. "After all, you wouldn't want the poor Wookie to stand here all the day and wait until some tourists come to see him, would you?"

I smiled slightly, watching him putting his hand over Juhani's head and closing eyes. I had never seen it before, but I knew what he was doing. He was using the Force to heal her wound.

"If he's not here, where else he might be?"I asked him.

He didn't even bother to open his eyes. "In the forest. And keep quiet. You haven't closed your mouth since the star map," he berated me like some little girl. I chuckled and shook my head. And then I heard something.

From behind a nearby tree huge _something_ darted to me, screaming when it hit me and knocked down to ground. Instinctively I used the Force to get the weight off me, sending it flying against the huge trunk it had been hiding behind. I sprung to my feet watching the flock of tousled and mud-covered fur stood up again. With a loud growling the Wookie wanted to swoop on me again, but he stopped suddenly. I noticed his eyes were focused somewhere behind me. I looked around, at Jolee standing there.

"Put your guns down," I ordered my friends, who were already ready to fight. I knew the Wookie wasn't going to attack us again.

And I was right. He let his arms fall to his hips too and looked sadly at us. As he neared to us I noticed that he was not only covered in mud, but in a dried blood as well. His body bore a lot of scars and deep scratches. He was wretched and far too skinny for a Wookie.

"Freyyr," Jolee smiled and opened his arms as if to embrace the Wookie.

But he didn't move from the spot. /What are you doing here, Jolee? Who are they? Why are you bothering me?/ I could hear a sadness and pain in his voice as he spoke. It was a voice of a broken creature that was only waiting for someone to end its agony.

"These are my new friends, Freyyr. And they have an interesting proposal for you," he said and looked at me, nodding his head to let me know I should speak. I made a step to the Wookie who immediately looked at me.

"I'm...Raven," I started hesitantly. "I came to Kashyyyk with your son, Zaalbar, but…"

/With Zaalbar?/ he cut in on me. /Why would he follow a human? Unless…you're a slaver!/ he came to his own conclusion.

"No!" I blurted out. "Zaalbar travels with me because of his life debt. I saved him and he insisted on following me. But we're friends and I respect him," I tried to explain. "And that's the problem, because your other son, Chuundar, holds him and my other friend captive and won't let them go unless I bring them your head."

He dropped his eyes when I finished. /So that's why you're here,/ he said miserably. /You want to kill me. But…I guess I deserve it. I was a fool when I casted Zaalbar out. I should have believed him, not the traitor Chuundar. His rule wasn't good and when I said so he turned against me as if I was his greatest enemy./

As he was talking I closed the distance between us, laying my hand on his arm. He looked at me with a confused expression. It pained me to see how tired and sorrowful his eyes were. "And that's why we want to put end to his reign, Freyyr. But we need your help. There are still your people up there, but they won't help us without you. Come to see Chuundar with us, we'll protect you. And when he's out of the game, getting Czerka out of the planet would be and easy job," I added, looking him in the eyes all the time, holding his huge paw in my hands.

His eyes fell to my belt and widened. /The blade…/ he breathed, taking a step away from me.

"Do you know it?" I asked and took it in my hands.

He didn't answer. His hand went to the leather pocket on his own belt pulling a hilt with the same symbols that were on the blade. /Bacca's ceremonial blade. A symbol of power and leadership. Part of it was lost together with the chieftain who owned it./

I looked at the blade in my hands, wondering. Was it only a coincidence we were attacked by the very monster that had this weapon in its side? "It belongs to the rightful chieftain then," I said, handing it to him.

...

"Are you alright?" Carth asked Juhani, helping her to her feet.

"I'm alright, thank you," she said silently and smiled at him.

"Lucky son of a bitch he was to survie Taris. Not so lucky today, however," Canderous spitted on the ground as he knelt down to Calo's body to search it.

On our way back to the lift we happened to stumble upon a handful of mercenaries leaded by Calo. It seemed they were hired to kill us. Somehow they found us, but they crashed.

_Another coincidence we met them?_, I thought bitterly. "I' really starting to believe in the Force of yours," I said to Bastila. "Is anybody hurt?" I turned to her, Jolee and Freyyr.

"Nope, you handled them well," Jolee nodded.

"Have you found something?" Carth asked Canderous.

"Four thousands credits," he nodded, pocketing the credit chip. "And his datapad."

"Let me see," I took it from his hands and turned it on. It looked like Calo's list of bounties he wanted to collect or had already collected. Every enter had a name, gender, species, place where those people were last seen and amount of money he'd get for their heads. And except for two entries every one of them was marked as "finished".

I frowned at the two last names names. "A. R. T.," I read out loud the last entry. "Weird."

"What?" Bastila looked over my shoulder. I showed her what I was reading. "See, there's your name, the second from top. Apparently someone doesn't like you much, Bastila," I joked. "And there's another person who was to die after you, so he's a lucky one. But look, no full name, male or female, money…nothing."

Bastila scowled as well, taking the datapad from me. "That's not possible. This must be mistake. Who hired him?" she asked.

"Who do you think would hire him to kill you, hm?" I asked and gave her the answer right away. "Malak, of course. And maybe he wanted him to kill this A. R. T. as well, whoever it is. By the way, why is it a mistake?"

She looked at me immediately. "Because Malak wants me alive. He wants to use my Battle meditation. The bounty hunter must have misunderstood his order," she said. I might have even believed her…if only she didn't do what she did. She drew a lightsaber and before I knew it, Calo's datapad was lying on the floor cut to two pieces.

...

"That was a great thing you did back there, lass. Helping the Wookies out. Great, great thing to do," Jolee smiled, putting his hand around my shoulders as we were slowly returning to our ship. We walked at the back of our little group. "And it was a nice of you that you wanted Zaalbar to stay here where he belongs. But I knew he'd decline your offer. He's as stubborn as his father," he added.

"I'm just glad he's okay. Would you help us with treating Mission? I don't like the fever."

"Of course I would. And I wouldn't worry if I were you. She's only caught a cold."

"I know, but still…" I shrugged, looking at the girl. Her clothes were too light for this cold weather as she hadn't expected to be dragged out of the ship when we left. But as always she had determined expression in her eyes. She was a fighter after all, and little chill couldn't hurt her. I watched her smile, asking Carth and Juhani what happened during our search for the star map.

"Could I ask you something, Jolee?" I whispered after a while.

"Go ahead."

"Revan had to go down there for the star map as well. And since you were the only friendly inhabitant of the forest, not to mention you were living quite close to the map, have you met Revan?"

"Oh, maybe I have, maybe I haven't," he avoided my question. "Why would you want to know?"

"I was only wondering what kind of person Revan was," I paused, taking a deep breath, preparing myself for the worst. "What was she like?"

He was quiet for a little, thinking, never meeting my eyes. "She? Hm, and here I always thought Revan was a man?"

"That's what I thought as well, but during my stay in the Enclave I found out in the records that he was she. It was little shocking at first, but hey…why not?" I said promptly.

"True, true," he nodded. "Strong and rare young woman she was. Tough and independent, but with a good heart. Risked her life to save a friend. That speaks volumes."

I closed my eyes and felt my heart stop beating at my chest at that. "Thank you Jolee. That was…exactly what I wanted to know," I said silently.

"I aim to please," he smiled and squeezed my shoulder a little.

When we were back on the ship, everyone went to do their jobs, for which I was glad. Bastila and Carth went to the cockpit, so that we could leave for Manaan as soon as possible. Canderous disappeared to the cargo hold, Juhani wanted to meditate in her quarters and the rest went to the infirmary. Jolee just wanted to make sure Mission would have her rest and Zaalbar didn't want to leave her side.

That left me alone in the main hold, except for the T3, but I didn't mind his presence. I approached the holopanel and turned it on.

_"Hey there, Raven!"_ Jasmine smiled broadly when she saw me. She was dressed in white clothes, which meant she was in the hospital. _"Is something wrong?"_ She added, frowning slightly. _"You look mess."_

"And it's nothing in comparison to how I feel," I admitted combing my hair with my fingers.

_"Oh my god, what happened?"_

"Many things," I sighed. "I need your help. Do you still have an access to the personal records of republic soldiers?"

_ "__I-I do. After all I'm a doctor. But, Raven, why would you…"_

"Jasmine, could you look through Ian's profile for me?"

My friend only looked at me with a shocked expression. _"Raven! That's against the rules and you know it! I can't do something like that based on someone's request. These data are…"_

"I need it, Jasmine. I'm not sure with it, but as I used to doubt my sanity, now I doubt my personality. And the information about Ian could clear the things for me. If there is anything that doesn't match with what I said to you about him, let me know, please. Just send me a message when you find it. Please, for me? I can't explain it to you now, but if I'm right you'll know everything about it sooner or later. It's…rather…big," I whispered. I looked at my hands resting on the edge of the holopanel. They were shivering.

_"Raven, you're scaring me? What's…_"

"Please, Jasmine, I'm desperate and I need to know. Don't let me hanging around like this."

She looked away from me. _"I...don't know, Raven. I would love to help you, but what if someone catches me?"_

"Don't let them. Will you do it for me then?"

Slowly she nodded. _"Only because I know you wouldn't want it if it weren't important. But I will demand an explanation."_

"And you will have it. Thank you Jasmine." With that I closed the connection. I gripped the edge of the holopanel so tightly my knuckles went white. "Please, let me be wrong," I whispered, closing my eyes to stop the tears. "I don't want to be her…please, I can't be her."

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><p>The end. The next chapter will take me a little more time, I'm heading off the city for a weekend, so no computers, no the internet. Oh, but I'm sooo looking forward to it :)<p>

Anyway, thanks a bunch for reading and if you have anything to say just click the review button and let me know.


	16. Secrets

Dislaimer: I don't own Kotor or any of the characters

Oh, sorry for posting this chapter several times in a row, but I sort of messed it up for the first two attempts *apologetic smile*_  
><em>

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><p><em>It was one of those evenings when he didn't come home on time. On one hand they were terrible, but on the other hand I loved them. Morry always took me on the roof after nightfall and was telling me stories about all of the shiny stars. She knew so much about them.<em>

_ The only moment when she fell quiet was when he was coming home. __He always looked so sick when he did, staggering, stumbling. I was always worried, but Morry kept her hand on my mouth to silence me. And when he disappeared in the house, she started talking again. More loudly then before, but I still could hear him arguing with mommy, calling her a whore again and a schutta. Morry never explained to me what the words meant, saying I was too young to use them. And that I better forget them._

_I didn't mind the screaming, I was used to it. But I didn't like it when our house fell quiet again. It meant our – mine and Morgana's – peaceful moment was over. She opened the dormer and helped me safely inside the dark room._

_ After that she usually put me to sleep and this evening wasn't __any different. _

_ "You look sad," I whispered while she was taking off my socks. Without answering she helped me change into my pyjamas and handed me my plushie gizka. "No, R__avie. I'm just tired." She covered me with a thick quilted blanket and kissed my forehead. I giggled. "Good night, Morry."_

_ She smiled and caressed my cheek lightly. "Sweet dreams, little sister." She stood up and silently left my room. I smiled and closed my eyes, nestling Skinny the gizka closer to me, dozing off._

_ A sound of opening door woke me up. I looked around the room and saw him standing in front of my bed. He smelled funny of that drink he liked so much and his whole body was swaying as if he had troubles standing._

_ I sat up__ slowly. "Father?" I asked him, whispering. Never before he had come to my room. Never before he had looked at me. He was always ignoring me no matter what I did, how much I tried to get his attention. _

_ Suddenly, as he was towering over me, I strange feeling run throug__h my body. My hands tightened around Skinny as everything in me screamed. "Father?" I repeated, swallowing the sudden desire to run away. "Father, what are you…?"_

_He spitted on my bed. "Father, Raven?" he growled. "No." He reached out and his hand painfully gripped my left arm, yanking me to my feet. Soundlessly, Skinny fell on the floor._

_ "Father, that hurts!"_

_ "Shut up! You're not better than your bitch mother, you little schutta." His hand let go of me, but the other one slapped me hard on my cheek. I fell off the bed, using my hands to break the fall in the last possible moment. "You're parasitizing in my own house!" he screamed in my ear. His hand gripped me under my neck. "But enough of that. Do you hear me?" He had troubles pronouncing._

_"No, father!" I choked, grasping his hands in mine in vain effort to remove them from me, but he was holding me too tightly. It hurt so much and I couldn't breathe. My vision started to black. "No…" I rasped and closed my eyes. I felt a wave of strange energy come through my body and suddenly his hands were gone. I took a sharp breath and fell on my knees, panting. I saw him lying on the other side of the room._

_"I have enough of you!" Be fore I could do anything he was on his feet again. He crossed my room in several heavy steps and his hand caught my hair and pulled, lifting me to my feet again. "I have enough of that hair!" He spluttered in my face. "You're a raven, ugly and dirty. Have you ever seen a raven? It's ugly. Useless. Like you!"_

_ "No, please, father! Please!" __He lifted me in his arms and left my room. We reached the stairs. "No!" I cried out once more when the realization of what he was about to do hit me._

_ "Cedric, no!"_

_ "Father!"_

_ With a horror I watched the stairs getting closer as he threw me down. I closed my eyes tightly. I screamed like never before as I was falling down. I hit my head and something was running down my cheeks. My leg hurt and I couldn't move my right arm. My cheek was sore from inside and I felt a smack of iron on my tongue._

_ "No! Ravie! Get out of my way, you drunkard!"_

_ I heard sounds of fighting when I slowly lifted on my feet. I was so close to the door and I was so afraid. I wanted to get out of here, ignoring the screams. It hurt, it hurt like nothing I'd ever felt before, but I had to get out of here. I heard the steps behind me and I knew it was him._

_"What have you done? Are you crazy? You could have killed her!"_

_ "Ravie!"_

_ "Why should I listen to a whore?"_

_ "Ravie!"_

_ I didn't have my shoes and I was crying. I didn't know what to do, I just wanted to hide. I kept limping only in my pyjamas and I was cold. I could see dark circles everywhere and my head hurt. I felt lightheaded and then I fell again, watching the blood dropping slowly from my mouth._

_ I didn't know where I was or how long I was running. No one was around and the street was dark. I was frightened and didn't want anything, but to close my eyes and fall asleep. _

_"...incorrigible, Buddy. I know you love the ship, but Ankara's getting old."_

_ "Don't even go there, Monkey. Besides we don't have money to afford a new ship."_

_ "You could always steal it. Isn't it your area of expertise after all?"_

_ "Guys, someone's lying over there…god!"_

"Raven! Raven, stop fighting me, you'll hurt yourself. Raven!"

My eyes snapped open. It took me a while to recognize the man above me who was firmly holding my hands to my sides.

"Are you okay?" Carth asked and let go of my hands.

I slowly sat up and ran my fingers through my sweaty hair. I used the back of my hand to wipe my mouth. "Yes," I mumbled and looked at my hand, half-expecting to see blood on it.

With a sigh he sat down on the bed. "That was hell of a nightmare," he said and laid his hand on my leg. I could feel how warm it was through the thin fabric I used as a blanket.

I touched my head where I felt the terrible throbbing pain just moments ago, checking for wounds. "Yes," I whispered absent-mindedly.

"Still sure you're okay?"

I nodded, massaging my scalp where it hurt most when _he_ pulled my hair.

"You're not a good liar. What was it about?"

I shook my head. "You don't want to know.

"And if do?" he asked and reached out to stroke my cheek. "Come on, talk to me, Raven."

In a quick movement I got up from the bed. Carth averted his eyes like he usually did when I was only in my underwear. "Raven?" he asked when I started clothing.

"I don't want to talk about it. End of discussion. How long until Manaan? And what are you doing here?" I added and looked at him.

"Bastila wanted to speak to you so she sent me to wake you. But then I heard you screaming," he replied and stood up.

"And that's an excuse to storm in my quarters? What if I was naked?" I looked at him, but his eyes were elsewhere at the moment, so he couldn't see me watching him smirk. "Out," I scowled, pointing at the door.

He chuckled and closed the distance between us. "If you were naked, I'd behave like a perfect gentleman, don't worry, Raven," he smiled and took my hands in his. He probably thought changing the topic would be better than asking more questions about the dream.

I looked down between us at our joined hands. "I don't like the word," I said silently.

"What word?"

"Raven. Don't call me that."

He scowled and looked at me strangely. "If I remember correctly, on Taris you recommended me not to call you anything else."

I shrugged. "I know. I…I…I've never seen the bird. Is it really that ugly? How does it look like?"

"Are you..." he paused, looking at me closely, "sure you're okay?" When I didn't answer, he wrapped his arms around my waist. "You are different than you were those two months ago." As he was talking, he brought me back to bed, making me straddle him when he sat down, while still holding me close.

I scowled and bit my lip. "I've…changed?" I wondered. "I've changed…" I breathed slowly. I closed my eyes and buried my face in his neck. "I suppose I have." I felt his hand touch me reassuringly on my back. I straightened in his arms again. "I need to tell you something, Carth. I…" I broke off. I didn't really know what I wanted to say. "I…"Trying again didn't help. How could I say something like that?

He quirked his eyebrows. "You? Speechless? Someone mark this day down," he joked. But it didn't bring a smile to my face. "So what is it?" he asked seriously again.

"I'm not really sure about myself nowadays. I…I mean I…"

He moved his hands on the small of my back, pressing me closer to him. "Just say it."

I gave a weak smile. "I missed you, you know. I enjoyed the training, but I missed having you around. I needed someone normal I could be with. Jedi are great, but you can't have a light-hearted conservation with them. " _And what are trying to accomplish now, huh?_ "I looked forward to returning back to the Republic after my training was over, but instead of that I'm making an errand boy for the Council."

Carth narrowed his eyes. "Nice. But that's not what you wanted to say."

I shook my head, smiling finally. "No. I like your eyes."

He turned his head slightly, giving me a confused look.

I planted a light kiss on his chin. "And the stubble," I added, caressing his cheek. "I didn't like when I saw you shaved it back on Coruscant." I smiled when I felt his hands move slowly under my shirt. "I thought Bastila wanted to speak with me."

"So keen on being lectured again?" He asked a moment before he bent his head and his lips touched the sensitive skin on my neck. I tilted my head back, giving him more access. I wanted to smile, I wanted to close my eyes and enjoy myself, to forget everything around me, the Council, Malak, the Sith…

_Do you realize the very man who's kissing you down your throat may be widower only because of you? _

I moaned silently, biting down on my lip when his hands tugged at the hem of my clothes.

_You killed his wife…_

"Carth…" I whispered, slipping my hands down his arms when he started rolling my shirt up, tracing his palms up along my ribs

…_and brought his son to the dark side!_

I froze, my eyes snapping open. _Dustil!_

"What's wrong, gorgeous?" he rasped when he noticed my change of mood.

"Dustil…" I whispered breathlessly.

"What?"

"I'm sorry…" In a quick motion I got up and smoothed my shirt back to its place.

"Sorry? For what?"

"I can't...I'm trying, but I can't."

"What are you...?"

"I can't stop thinking about her, no matter what I do she's still in my head," I whispered and when Carth stood up, I made a step back. "No…please, don't." I'd never thought myself a coward, but this time I couldn't stand his gaze. I had to get out of there.

...

"Carth said you wanted to speak with me."

"I…do, yes," Bastila nodded. Her pale face was lit by a bright, orange glare which was surrounding the Ebon Hawk as she was penetrating the upper layers of atmosphere. "I wanted to discuss what happened on Kashyyyk."

"What exactly do you mean?" I whispered, sitting in the co-pilot's seat, watching the dark blue surface of the planet. I could already see the white spot in the middle of the endless ocean; the Atho City.

"About what you did to the terentatek, Raven," she said calmly, never taking eyes off Manaan. "I know your action saved Juhani's life, I'm not questioning that. But I'd like if you abandoned using the power again," she said slowly, carefully choosing her words.

"The…power…" I repeated. "You mean the choking? You know what's strange? Up to that moment I had no idea I could strangle someone without touching them," I shook my head, scowling. "When I saw the monster running to Juhani I…it was instinctive. I didn't know what I was doing or how. I just wanted to save her. But if it makes you feel better, I won't use it again. It…didn't even feel right," I admitted.

I wasn't looking directly at her, but from the corner of my eyes I could see her hang her head slightly. "I'm glad to hear that," she whispered.

"I thought it would make you happy," I wondered when the wave of doubts started rushing to me through our bond.

"I am. To tell the truth, I admire you. You'd do anything to help someone you hold dear. You don't care about yourself and simply do what's necessary. And no matter what it is, it turns out to be the right thing," she went on. "You make it seem so easy. How do you do that?"

"Stop doubting yourself." I reached over the panel separating us and touched her arm. "You're a great person, Bastila. Maybe little proud, but hell…if I could influence hundreds of man in a battle, I'd be proud too."

She smiled. "It's kind of you to say so, but I know it's not true. I'm afraid the Council made mistake by sending me with you. I'm not experienced enough to guide you."

"Bullshit…eh…sorry for the expletive," I gave her an apologetic smile and turned around when I heard someone approaching. Jolee appeared in the cockpit, laying hands on both mine and Bastila's shoulder. "From the infinite forest to the infinite ocean. At least this planet has better weather," he commented. I couldn't fathom the man. When I asked him why he really wanted to come with me he started telling me a story about some guy he used to know.

"How is Mission?" Bastila asked.

"She's sleeping, but she'll be fine. As I said, a little cold can't defeat her. Zaalbar's with her."

I smiled. "She's so gonna love this place, I know it."

"And do you know where to look for this precious star map of yours?" he asked with a raised eyebrows.

"Not exactly," I admitted. "We plan to contact the local Republic base for further information," I answered without hesitation.

"But it could be anywhere. Under water surface too."

I nodded. "And that's the tricky part. But I assume it had to be built near some kind of settlement. And since the Atho City is the only non-swimming place…" I didn't finish, shrugging.

"I take it we don't have a plan? Again?" I heard Carth comment my idea. I noticed he stopped behind Bastila's seat.

"We do," Bastila spoke, for which I was grateful. I had to first gather some self-confidence.

"Humour me."

"We're going to the Republic base," she answered calmly. "To ask for information."

"Are you?" he murmured. I wasn't looking at him, but I knew he was watching me. I could feel his gaze on the back of my head. "It's nice to know you finally filled us non-Jedi into some of your precious Jedi secrets," he retorted, his voice cold and angry.

It was like slap. I closed my eyes and hung my head, listening to his receding steps. The cockpit was unusually quiet when he left. From the corner of my eyes I could see both my friends watching me.

"He sounded bitter. Lover's quarrel?" Jolee asked after a while of silence.

"I suppose," Bastila started, "I don't have to say…"

I looked daggers at her. "Don't you dare, Bastila. It's not _my_ dirty secret he was talking about!" I snapped and stood up, leaving the cockpit as well.

"Carth!" I caught him in the main room. I shot a quick glance towards Mission who just entered from the infirmary with Zaalbar at her heels, before I laid a hand on his shoulder.

"What is it?" he asked, turning to me and giving me a scowled look.

For a moment I didn't move. I could hear soft sounds from the garage where Canderous was working on Davik's swoop bike, and I noticed Missio hastily disappeared from the main hold, leaving us alone. I opened my mouth to speak, but he lifted a hand to stop me. "Unless you want to finally tell me what's wrong with you, don't bother."

"Carth, please…"

"Don't, Raven. It's painfully obvious something's been eating you for some time. You look tired. You've lost so much weight you look unhealthy skinny, not to mention you're sadder, thoughtful and much more troubled."

I gaped at him. "Wh...I can't believe my ears! What the hell..."

"And you're snappish."

I scowled, crossing my hands in front of me. "That's not true."

"Than why did you all flare up after the innocent comment Canderous made on Kashyyyk? Why were you so mean to Bastila after we found the star map? And when you choked the...the...the animal, the expression on your face. It was like looking at another woman, than the one I fell i..." he broke off suddenly.

My eyes widened.

He shook his head and turned around.

"Carth!"

"No!" He looked back at me. "Don't you need to prepare for anything you want to do on Manaan? I think we've just landed." With that he left the main hold.

I hung my head and looked at the dirty floor beneath my feet. "Why don't you simply put a blaster to my head and pull the trigger, Carth?" I whispered.

"Raven?"

I lifted my eyes. Mission was standing in the corridor leading to the ramp. She was biting her lip nervously and had compassionate look in her eyes. "I'm sorry. I heard it all and...I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Canderous appeared behind her back, emering from the corridor leading to the garage. "He's an ass," he said as he pushed Mission gently out of his way. His hands were dirty and he was probably heading to the bathroom to wash.

...

The Atho City was a marvel. I'd never seen more beautiful city. It was so clean and peaceful with the quiet music playing in the background. The air was fresh and had a scent of ocean. The place was so serene.

"I wish we could spend here more time," I whispered as we went through the white corridors. "Why are they looking at us?" I wondered when we passed by a handful of locals. The Selkath couldn't take their eyes off us. They were moving their ugly, flat, fishy heads as we walked them by, making squelching sounds as they were talking to each other quietly.

"I doubt they have any Jedi here," Bastila said.

"But we're not even dressed like Jedi," I commented.

"But we have lightsabers," Jolee stepped in…literally. He stepped between us and put his arms around our shoulders.

"True," I murmured. Unfortunately I couldn't admire the surroundings for long. The base was near to the hangar. We parted our ways with Jolee, who wanted to wander around the city, and went down the corridor leading to the base. It was decorated with typical orange flags with the symbol of the Republic, and heavily guarded. Which was strange, with all the neutrality here and the cameras everywhere, only a fool would dare to break in.

What was even weirder was they had the reception desk outside the base. Behind it a young soldier was sitting and when he spotted us he looked surprised. Immediately he sprung to his feet, standing at attention. "Eh…greetings, Masters!"

I smiled at him. He was cute, looking so helpless and all. But Bastila's face remained unchanged. "We'd need to speak to one of your superiors, eh…" she looked at his rank, seemingly at a loss.

"Private," I whispered to her.

"Private," she repeated and the young boy arched his eyebrows at that.

"That won't be a problem, sir…miss," he corrected himself. "I mean…yeah, wait a minute. I'll call him," he stuttered and moved his hands over the panel in front of him.

"Call?" I repeated. "You won't let us in?"

He paused, slowly lifting his eyes to meet mine. "Eh…no, I can't. You don't have the required security clearance."

"What?" I laughed. "We're Jedi Knights…almost," I added silently when Bastila looked at me. "What other security clearance do you want?"

"It's alright," Bastila said. "We'll talk to your boss here, in this beautiful corridor."

"Irony?" I smiled. "Why, Bastila, I never knew you had it in you. I'm so proud," I joked, making the young private smile. He was soon finished, he probably only sent a message, and so his attention turned to us.

"I was only stating the facts. You, however, should learn to control your emotions."

"Yeah, because it's so normal to leave a visitation standing in the middle of some corridor."

"You're impatient."

"And you prissy."

The soldier turned his head from us, but I could see him smiling broadly.

"Prissy?" she repeated calmly, like she always did when something spurred some emotion in her. "If I were indeed prissy – as you put it – I would have already put an end to what's between you and Carth," she said slowly, ignoring the soldier who now looked at me with a shocked expression.

"Oh? And what would that be?" I laughed humourlessly. "How we didn't see each other in two months? How we constantly fight over something? Or how he wishes to shot my brain out of my head?"

"What?" she blinked and completely forgot to conceal her emotions this time. "I thought he loved you. Why would he want to do such a thing?"

"He doesn't love me. He loves my sister," I waved my hand in the air as if it meant nothing to me, ignoring the painful stab in my chest as I said it out loud. _My...sister..._

"Your sister?" Bastila whispered, bleaching.

_"_Ana..." I whispered. "Morg...ana!" _God!_

The door opened. A tall man dressed in captain's uniform stepped outside, making the boy straighten once more. His face was old and wrinkled with tired eyes, but he smiled at us warmly when he saw us. He introduced himself as Roland Wann and asked us what we needed. Bastila was the one who started speaking. "On the behalf of the Jedi Council we'd like to ask you for certain sensitive information, captain, which would better be discussed on a less public occasion," she blurted out without saying our names first.

"Be my guest, then," he invited us inside. He was talking to us while leading us through the base, but I wasn't paying attention. We passed by an opened door. I could see the computer room behind and on one of the screen I saw a video. It displayed a room, small and humble, with a woman in dark clothes. A soldier, who was watching it, spotted me and immediately closed the door, seeming alarmed a little.

"…Raven."

"What?" I replied, looking at Bastila.

She gave me an icy look. "I was introducing us," she stated, making me feel rather stupid.

Wann ingnored the whole scene. "It's my honour to meet members of the Order here. This way, it's my office," he gestured us to enter the small room. Its walls were full of various metals, awards and decorations. He had one wardrobe here and a large table with a model of a republic warship on it. There were three swivel chairs squeezedn in the room; one behind and two in front of the table.

For my liking the room seemed far too impersonal. He had no pictures of friends or family, nothing to make this office more homely.

"Have a seat," he invited us, gesturing to the two chairs.

"No need, thanks," Bastila declined his offer. "We were sent to find an ancient artefact on this planet," she started. "It's called a star map and it should be situated somewhere on the bottom of the ocean."

"Right under the City," I specified.

"Yes," Bastila nodded. "We'd like to borrow your means to travel down there to gain the information from it."

Wann was carefully listening to her while she was talking, his eyes narrow. And when she finished, he was quiet for awhile, thinking. "I maybe know of what you are talking about."

"A catch…" I muttered and crossed my arms in front of me.

"And believe me, ladies, I'd love to help you and provide you with one of our submarines, but we find ourselves in an unpleasant situation right now."

"Of course you do," I sneered. "What exactly is this unpleasant situation?" For some reason I knew things wouldn't be easy.

"We have a mining facility down there which is not completely…legal. I mean, judges know about it, but not all of them."

"Illegal kolto-mining?" I simply translated what he said. Bastila sent me an ugly look.

"Partly, yes. But it's not the matter here. The problem is we lost contact with the facility few days ago. It would be dangerous to send our soldiers to investigate what happened without having some intel first."

I smiled. "Oh, what a shame the Republic has no submerged probes."

"Raven," Bastila hissed.

He was apparently decided to disregard any biting comment I made. "We had one, but the Sith have stolen it," he answered with a polite smile as if I hadn't been making any fun of him.

It was getting better and better. "Have they?" I said, tilting my head to one side.

"They've damaged it, stolen it and now they're trying to get our data from it."

I knew where he was going. "…and you can't inform local authorities about it, since they have no idea about the precious facility of yours." I concluded. "Let me guess. The Sith wanted to change this fact. So they've stolen your probe and now are trying to get any data from it to use it as evidence against you."

The captain frowned. "Yes…how do you know it all?"

"I wasn't born yesterday, captain. So…how are we to break in?"

...

"Everybody to the main hold! Now!" These were my first words when we returned from the base. Except for Jolee, everybody gathered in the small room, eager to know what we found out…more or less.

"Why the yelling?" Mission muttered when she still half-asleep walked in the room. She sat on the holopanel and didn't bother to stifle her yawn behind her hand.

"So…what are you all doing tonight?" I asked. And I was serious about the question. After all, breaking into the base would be illegal, not to mention dangerous, and I would never force anyone to do something like that against their will.

"Why?" Canderous smirked. "Do you have a proposal to something more…entertaining," he asked, scanning me from head to toe.

"Mandalorian," Carth growled. He wasn't looking at him, or me. He was staring at the floor, his hands in his pockets, seeming completely uninterested.

Somehow his comment brought a confident smile on my face. "But of course. What is your opinion on breaking into a sith base?" I asked sweetly, tilting my head slightly and looking at him with half-closed eyes. If there was any crewmember I wanted to bring with me tonight, it was Canderous.

"What? Again?" Mission stated.

I nodded. "The Republic agreed to help us if we bring them the data from their probe the Sith had stolen. We're going to get it tonight."

"I'm afraid to ask how," Juhani said, deep shadow of worry casted over her face. "If they catch you..."

"But they won't," I didn't let her finish. "We won't be making any mess there. We'll go in, get the information, and out. No one will notice."

"How?" Mission asked. "I thought there were cameras everywhere. And I doubt they would let you through the main gate."

"And here you're mistaken, Mission. They will," I smiled. "We have a foolproof plan. Unless _we_ make mistake, they will not catch us. We'll pretend to be part of the Sith Empire. We've already been givet the passcard so that they would let us in."

"Great, than I'm coming!" she smiled.

"I thought you would. And you Canderous?"

He gave a lopsided smile. "Count me in. Everything's better than rotting on this ship."

"Glad to hear that. Well, that's all I wanted, you can return to whatever you were doing before we came," I said to others and turned around, heading to the ramp.

I heard soft steps following me. "Do you really want to take Mission with us? She's just a kid," Bastila asked when she joined my side.

"Mission can handle herself, Bastila. I am more worried about you. Can you pretend to be a dark Jedi?" I gave her a searching look.

"As long as I won't have to kill anyone, I can. Where are you going?" she asked when we stepped out of the ship.

"Find Jolee. He hasn't returned from his walk yet. I have a bad feeling about that."

"Do you..."

"No, you stay here and get prepared. And I'll be right back," I assured her. She nodded and returned to the ship again.

As I thought it wasn't difficult to find Jolee. He was in one of the nearby districts, but the second I spotted him, I knew something was wrong. He was sitting on a bench with a woman and was holding her hands in a sympathetic manner. He nodded to me to come closer when he noticed me. The woman looked back at me at that, her eyes were red and puffy. She looked miserable.

"Jolee?" I said silently when I approached the couple.

"Raven, you're timing couldn't be better. This is Elora."

I looked at the woman. She was unable to speak, so she only nodded.

"Pleased to meet you," I blurted out. "What happened?"

"We need your help," Jolee said and then he simply looked away. I followed his gaze. There was a building with "prison" written on it in local language.

"Okay, what happened?" I repeated, much slower this time.

...

"Presumption of guilt?" I repeated incredulously, when I, Jolee and Elora left the judicial building. "Presumption of guilt? What democratic, civilised world would have a law like that?" I kept scolding. "How am I to be Sunry's arbiter when he's already considered guilty?"

"You'll manage," Jolee said and laid a hand on my shoulder. "Sunry's innocent and I know you'll prove it to the court." He wasn't looking at me while saying this. His eyes were focused on Elora to reassure her and give her hope.

I looked at her as well. Her eyes hinted she was young, at least younger than her husband, but her face was weary and tired. "I think you should go home and rest. We will take care of everything," I said silently and gave her a compassionate look.

Jolee nodded. "Come, Elora, I'll accompany you." He wanted to wrap his hand around her, but she stepped out of his reach. "No need, Jolee. Be here and help Sunry, please. Do not let them execute him," she sobbed.

I turned around and pretended to look from the window to give them some privacy. I heard Elora crying again so I made few steps away, approaching the very edge of the city. I wasn't paying attention to Jolee, while he was trying to soothe his friend. I came to the white wall and leaned against it, watching the wonderful ocean around the floating city. The wind, fresh and cold coming from the ocean, carried small drops of water, but I didn't mind as they were hitting my face. I enjoyed their touch on my bare skin. It was a change from past few months, when I could only dream about fresh air touching my cheek.

I smiled, feeling so incredibly free. People were chatting around me, walking by me and no one stopped to talk to me, to congratulate me, to ask what I wanted to do now. No one _knew_ me. I could finally walk in public without drawing any attention.

But the wonderful feeling was gone when I remembered why I was here and what I was trying to do.

"I won't allow it," I whispered, gripping the edge of the low wall so tightly my fingers hurt. "He will _never_ conquer this galaxy."

I felt someone's hand on my back. I flinched, turning around. "Jolee?" I gasped.

"Alright, kid? You seemed distant. I was calling your name, but you didn't hear me."

"I was…thinking," I mumbled, tentatively combing my hair with my fingers. "Let's…let's go, we have much to do," I said more loudly and firmly this time and headed to the exit of this district. Jolee followed me.

"Let's recap what we know so far," I started thinking out loud. "Sunry was charged with coldblooded murder and worse, the victim was a Sith. She was his lover and he killed her in her sleep."

"On the crime scene they found his medal he had been given for fighting the Sith," Jolee added.

"Which isn't helping our cause, but he at least claims he lost it," I nodded. I had a strange feeling when it came to the cause. I could only hope after we'd ask the witnesses the thing would be much clearer.

"Maybe we could visit the Republic base if some of the soldiers would be willing to vouch for his irreproachability."

"We could," I nodded. It was a nice idea besides the base wasn't far from the hotel we were heading to at the moment.

But what we found out from its owner wasn't very favourable for Sunry. "So you say he went in, and then you heard the shot and saw him running away?" I repeated what he told us.

"Well, yes," he nodded and scratched his hair. "It was weird, because he'd been always limping. I had no idea he could run like that."

"His leg was hurt during the war," Jolee informed him. "He can barely walk since that. Are you sure he was running?"

"I am," he shrugged.

I sighed. "Thank you for your time. If we had any more questions we'd seek you out yet."

The man smiled. "Of course. Anything to help the Republic. Oh, and you said you wanted to search his room? Here is the key to it."

I accepted the key and hid it in my pocket. "Thanks. But we'd like to talk to the witnesses first. Where are they?"

There were two witnesses. The first of them we visited was a Rodian named Gluppor. He was really feeble-minded and it was easy to get him admit he was the one who slipped the medal on the crime scene…and that he took money from the Sith for it.

The other witness was a dude probably as old as me, a gambler. He was sitting in his room with his legs on the table. He wore simple trousers tucked in military boots. He was shirtless, but had his brown leather jacket on, though it was unfastened. He gave us a smug glance when we entered. And when I said I would be the one questioning him now, he smirked. "Well, finally the Republic has learned and sent someone easy on the eyes to interrogate me," he commented.

"The Republic hasn't sent me. I'm a Jedi," corrected him emotionlessly, putting my hands behind my back.

"Jedi?" he repeated slowly. "Did you suddenly start breeding when I wasn't looking or what?"

"Meaning?" I asked.

He snorted and waved his hand. Before I could say anything, Jolee moved slightly; the guy's legs flew off the table.

"What the…" he started before he realized what just happened. With a deliberate slowness Jolee put his hand back to his sides. The guy narrowed his eyes at me. "What the frack do you want?" he asked.

"To know what you saw."

"The old man. Running from her room."

"Did you hear the shot?"

"Of course, my room was right next to them. You know, I'm living here for some time and they were here quite often," he smirked again. "The old man's more than meets the eyes, if you get my meaning."

"Did you know the victim?" I omitted his hint.

"Briefly. We met few times, but we didn't talk. She was nice thought. I always wondered what she saw in the old man. But maybe it was her Master who wanted her to poke some information out of him, you know what they can be like," he shrugged.

"Master?" I repeated and exchanged a glance with Jolee.

"What, Master?" he asked. "I wanted to say her commander."

"So she was a dark Jedi," I mused. "Well, I think the court would love to hear that."

"No, no!" he sprung to his feet. "You can't tell them. If you do, I'll be in troubles."

"How did you find out about her?"

"She always wore that huge cloak, but one day she forgot to fasten it and I saw a glimpse of her lightsaber." His eyes fell to my belt. "She didn't wear it as proudly as you. She probably didn't want anyone to know."

"Of course she didn't," I nodded and turned to Jolee. "I think we have everything we need here, Jolee."

"I knew you'd help him, girl."

"Let's not speak to soon. I still have a feeling there's something we're blind to." I turned to the gambler. "Thanks for your information. See you at the court." And with that we left.

We didn't even need the key the owner had given us. Her room was opened. But before we could walk in, we had to authorize to the two droids that were guarding it.

The room was clean and everything seemed at its place. The only proof of the murder was strangely smudged blood stain on the white sheet.

I frowned. The small room was terribly familiar. I knew I'd had seen it not long ago, but I couldn't remember where or when exactly it was.

"It's rather small," Jolee said, peeping into the bathroom.

I was looking at the bed. "He killed her in her sleep," I mumbled.

"Huh?"

"He was supposed to kill her while she was sleeping, but the bed doesn't look like someone was sleeping in it. Look, it's made up. And the blood…" I approached the bed, moving my hands few inches above the sheet. "Why is it on the edge of the bed? If I was sleeping with my lover I would snuggle up against him. And that means we would be sleeping in the middle."

Jolee raised his eyebrow slightly, but didn't say a thing. In a slow pace he crossed the room. His steps stopped behind me, out of my visual field.

"No…she had to stand right here, where I am now," I was thinking. "And when she was shot, she simply fell on the bed. Can you see how the stain is smudged? As if she was slipping from it."

"But there's no blood on the floor," he said silently, still not moving anywhere I could see him.

"Which means she didn't fell on the ground," I nodded, kneeling and examining the blood. "Look at this handprint. According to the finger's position she had to…"

"…face the bed," Jolee finished for me.

My scowl got deeper. "Which means she had her back to the door," I went on. "So whoever it was who shot her, it had to be someone she was familiar with. Otherwise she would have never turned her back to the person and walked back to bed."

"Or it was someone who had the key, so she didn't have to go open the door."

I smiled meekly. "What would you do if you hear the door behind you open?"

"I'd turn around."

"Exactly," I nodded.

"But who would wanted to kill her? Another Sith? Because of the affair she was having with a former republic soldier?"

I bit my lip. "Sounds like a motive to me. Maybe they were afraid she'd reveal some of their well-kept secrets to Sunry. Or," I added, frowning, as the thought occurred me, "it could have been the other way around."

"The other way around?"

I took a slow breath. "She was young and beautiful, that's what Sunry said. And he was old and crippled."

"What are you getting at, Raven?" Jolee asked.

"What if she was spying on him? What if she was never in love with him? What if she was only using him?" I lifted my head. I looked across the room. Above the door to bathroom there was a small camera. "The video," I whispered, closing my eyes. "I knew I'd seen this room before."

"Lass?"

I turned at him. "Let's visit the Republic base, Jolee."

...

I was sitting on the bench, listening to the silent murmuring of the ocean, letting it soothe my nerves. I felt…terribly. I was sick. What I did wasn't right. But I couldn't do anything else.

He knew. All this time he knew Elassa was a Sith, a dark Jedi. He knew she was to spy on him. And he killed her. Because someone told him to do so. In cold blood, when she couldn't fight back, without mercy. He was a murderer.

"I couldn't help myself. He had this smug smirk on his face and I simply had to wipe it off," I whispered when he finally came to me.

"Raven…" Jolee called softly. I didn't dare to look at him. "What you did inside…"

"I know. It was wrong," I sighed, hiding my face in my hands.

_Elora literally jumped into my arms, crying her words of thanks. The Sith prosecutor was furious, all traces of his smug sneer gone as he watched the guards removing Sunry's shackles._

_Sunry came to us. He took a breath to talk, reaching out to touch me, but I flinched away._

_ "Don't say anything," I growled at the ol__d man, ignoring the surprised expression Elora gave me."I didn't do it for you. I did this so that no one could say the Republic employs murderers," I hissed and shoved into his wife's hands the datapad with the video. Without saying anything more I disengaged from Elora's arms and left the court._

Jolee knelt in front of me, looking me in the eyes finally. He smiled and took my hands into his. "Everything was against him. In your hand you held the very proof, that he did it. And yet you managed to convince everyone he was innocent."

"And I felt terribly. Like I was about to throw up any second. After all it's like I was involved in the murderer as well!"

Jolee stood up, taking me with him. It surprised me how strong he was. "You showed him what he should be like, Raven. He was my friend and I trusted him. I was disappointed when I saw the video."

I had no idea what he was trying to tell me. "Jolee, I…I helped a murderer to get away with it. I'm not better than him."

"You have compassion. If he had had it as well, the pour soul could have still been alive."

I looked at my feet. "But I violated her memory. A Sith or not, she was a human being. Her death shouldn't go unpunished. And my action…it was…it was…"

His hand cupped my cheek, bringing my head up to look at him. "Are you worried you're falling to the dark side?" he guessed. I slowly nodded. "Then let me tell you something. If you were indeed evil or corrupted, you wouldn't be second guessing yourself now."

* * *

><p>End of the chapter. It was supposed to be divided into two, but I eventually put it together. Enjoy, thanks for reading and you can always leave a comment or two. I'd appreciate that :)<p> 


	17. Saviour, conqueror, hero, villain

Disclaimer: Kotor belongs to Bioware.

* * *

><p>„I think Raven should talk," Bastila whispered. She was even paler than usual, as we slowly made our way through the darkening city. The ocean was coloured with orange and red flare as the sun was slowly setting behind the horizon. The wind coming from it was cold and had a scent of salt.<p>

"Why me?"I asked. With a mischievous delight I watched how every citizen kept out of our way as we went, clothed in dark robes, with bright yellow eyes shining from our ashen faces. Behind us heavy steps of a sith trooper in golden uniform were ringing loudly through the large hall, accompanied by much softer ones belonging to the young Sith officer. The Twi'lek was looking around us with pride and scornful expression, watching the world through her narrowed eyes as if it was all hers.

"You're good at dealing with people," Canderous agreed behind me. I turned around to send him an ugly look. I couldn't see his face under the helmet, but I bet he was smirking just as Mission was.

"They're right, you know. And I want to see you playing the bad guy for once," she smiled.

"Bad? Like: On the floor and give me twenty? 'Cause you're not even as half as muscular as you should be," I replied, smiling too. "You're a shame of the Sith Empire."

"I'm clever and fast. That's enough to be a good Sith," she protested, scowling a little and pocketing her hands.

"Soldiers do not have their hands in their pockets," I admonished her.

"Oh you're such a Sith…" she hissed and crossed her arms in front of her.

I chuckled, joining Bastila's side again, trying to have a stern and cruel face. I wasn't taken aback by how easily I identified with this role.

_As__ if__ I__'__ve__ done__ this__ before,_ I thought bitterly, giving an unhappy smile. "Okay. I'll do the talking and everything else. Do not show surprise at anything I'd do. Whatever it would be," I warned them, just as we were nearing the entrance of the Sith base.

Instead of soldiers it was guarded by battle droids and only one human. He was not armed though, he was only standing behind the reception desk. It was probably a habit on this planet, accepting their guests in a corridor.

The sith soldier stood up, scaning us from head to toe, before he approached us. He had his hands behind his back casually, but I could feel his nervousness when he spotted my and Bastila's lightsabers. Apparently members of the Order and ordinary people weren't the only ones who should expect something wicked from a dark Jedi.

"State your business," he said curtly, his eyes travelling from me to Bastila, ignoring the two soldiers behind us, as he logically evaluated one of us would be in charge.

"None of yours, unfortunately," I said sweetly, making a step towards him. "We only deal with the Master."

He looked away for a second, unsure. "I'm sorry, my lady, but my orders are not to let anyone in without a proper authorization."

"Here you go," I said, handing him the encrypted passcard. He hesitantly took it while carefully avoiding touching me. Maybe he was afraid I'd strike him down if he did. Or maybe he had even experienced something like that before.

"Give me a moment." He returned to his desk and entered the card's number into the computer. "The card is old," he said, frowning.

"Of course it is!" I rolled my eyes. "We haven't been here for some time. You know, we're not paid to stand in the middle of a corridor, pretending to be useful. We actually _do_ something out there."

He sent me an insincere smile when he came to me to hand me the passcard back. "You may enter."

"I thought so," I smiled broadly. I shove him out of my way, stepping to the door. It opened and revealed a large lift. We got in soundlessly, the door closed and the lift started moving.

"You were mean," Mission said silently, looking at me curiously.

"Isn't that what Sith do?" I asked. "I mean they are mean. They're selfish, always, and dealing with them is difficult. In the Republic encouragement, faith and trust are what bring people together. If you're Sith you have as many followers as you're frightening and powerful. But they're not loyal. If they think you're weak, they'd do anything in their power to bring you down and take over your place." The whole time I was talking I was fixedly looking at the lift door without as much as batting an eyelash. My voice sounded cold to my ears, empty.

"Wow. You know quite a lot about them," Mission nodded her head appreciatively.

I gave a lopsided smile, glancing at her. "Yeah. Some Jedi told me in the war."

"So being Sith keeps you on your toes," Canderous snorted. "But it has sense. Only the strong ones deserve to rule."

I chuckled. "You wouldn't be saying that if you were on a position everyone desires."

"Let's not talk about it anymore," Bastia stepped in our conversation at last. Until that she had been quiet, casting worried glances at me from time to time.

The lift stopped and the door opened. I didn't let my anxiety show on my face when we were greeted by another group of battle droids. But they seemed not to acknowledge our presence as they only got in the lift we left and let it took them to the surface. But the woman Twi'lek behind yet another reception desk noticed us.

"Who are you?" she snapped.

"Republic spies, you idiot," I growled. "Do not delay us. We have an urgent meeting with the Master," I said and headed behind her to the only door leading deeper into the base.

She stood up and blocked my way. "I don't know you. And I know every Sith on this planet."

"It's called star ship, you know, honey?" I asked and lifted my hand to play with one of her lekku she had over her shoulders. "You can use it to travel to remote worlds, from planet to planet, from system to system. Yep, useful." I was lowering my voice until it reached a whisper at the end of the sentence.

"Smartass, huh?" she raised her eyebrow a little, turning her head to the side slightly.

I chuckled. "You have no idea. And I'm sure you will let us through," I added, waving a hand in front of her.

"I…I will let you through," she repeated obediently, stepping aside. "You may proceed, but do not cause any trouble. A dark Jedi or not, we have rules even you must head to."

"Understood," I smiled and nodded to my friends to follow me. We went through the door, finding ourselves in another long, white corridor with a lot of door.

"How did you do that?" Mission bit her lip.

"I used the Force," I explained shortly.

"You can do that?" she marvelled. "Wow. I wouldn't want to end on your bad side."

I smiled and wrapped a hand around her shoulders, bringing her closer to me. "Don't you worry; you will never be on my bad side." I felt her hand slip around my waist.

"Raven," Bastila spoke up silently, looking around cautiously. "I don't think it's appropriate to behave like that. What if someone was coming?"

I nodded. "Yes, you're right." I let go of the girl and looked around. "So, where to go?"

"You're Jedi. Sense it out," Canderous said, putting the barrel of his repeater on his shoulder.

"It's not that easy," I opposed.

"But we won't find it if we're only standing here, let's go somewhere. Maybe we'll be lucky," Mission suggested and chose a random door. She approached it and opened it. "Oh, sorry! My mistake," she mumbled quickly and closed the door again. "Barracks," she looked at us and hastily hurried down the corridor.

I smiled. It was nice to watch the kid take initiative. I motioned Bastila and Canderous to follow her.

Finding a storeroom wasn't difficult. Not even finding the second one. While looking for the third one I was slowly losing my patience with this maze of a base, but – fortunately for every Sith in here – the probe was stored in the third one. It was visibly broken, but with the passwords the captain had given us we were still able to download the data from it, leaving just an empty harddisk. However some of the files were corrupted, but it was better than nothing.

"Wait, we're not going to come through it?" Mission asked when Bastila hid the datapad in her pocket.

"No," the Padawan rejected her idea. "It's not our business."

"But it will be," Canderous stated. "I bet this captain of yours will send us down to investigate what happened."

"He won't. We have a deal. And I'll see to it he would hold up his end of the bargain," I said simply and left the room, looking left and right to make sure the corridor was empty. It wasn't, but the young Selkath I spotted had her back to me. She seemed to hurry and I felt an urge to follow her.

"Wait, exit is the other way," Mission informed me, when I listened to my instincts. It was strangely important to me to find out what a Selkath was doing here. As far as I knew none of them participated in either republic or sith activities, claiming to be strictly neutral. But maybe I was wrong.

"Raven?" Bastila joined my side. "Are you…"

"Hush," I shushed her down. I didn't want the Selkath to notice us.

No one protested when I started following the creature. She stopped only for a moment when she reached the end her journey; empty corridor with only one door at the end. She turned around few times - we barely managed to hide behind the corner - before she opened the door and went through.

"Are you sure it's wise?" Bastila asked, but I didn't listen to her. I moved off already, eager to find out what she was doing here and why.

The door led to a crossroad. I was standing in its middle, turning around and waiting for my friends to finally come. "Let's search the place," I suggested when they finally arrived.

"I don't' think it's a good idea. We should get out of here as soon as we can," Bastila opposed me, but as it was she was the only one.

"Hey, I'm game," Mission smiled and looked around with shining eyes. I guessed she had been really bored on the ship and that this was her first adventure after so long. I didn't count Kashyyyk of course. That wasn't adventure for her.

"I agree," Canderous nodded.

Bastila sighed. "I warned you."

"Come on, what's the worst that can happen? We're two Jedi here, one Mandalorian and a scoundrel."

"Hey," Mission laughed. "I like that. Mission the scoundrel. Sounds great."

When Bastila didn't make any further protests I approached the door number one. With a pleasant anticipation tingling through my body I opened it. "It's empty," I released the breath I didn't know I was holding when I faced the dormitory. Few beds and lockers for clothes were the only furniture inside.

"We must be in their quarters," Bastila thought.

I nodded. "Yeah. Let's see what's inside the other room," I said and headed away.

This time I didn't exhale slowly when the door opened. Quite the opposite; I gasped. "For the Force's sake!" I darted inside.

The floor of the room was covered in blood and several Selkath bodies were lying on it. One of them seemed to be alive, trying to reach the door, and I hurried to the youngling. He stopped and reached out to touch me. /Tell Shasa…tell her…killed…/ The Selkath's head sank to the floor, his hand went limp. I noticed it was holding something. I took the simple golden pendant from it and looked at it closely. There was something written on it: Galas.

"The Sith did this?" Mission whispered and refused to move from the door. She was frowning deeply and her hands were fisted. "Monsters..." she muttered through her clenched teeth.

"Torture chamber," Canderous stated, looking at the torture cells along the walls. One of them was occupied; two humans were in it. One of them was dead, lying motionlessly on the floor with narrow trickles of dried blood coming from his ears and nose. The other was sitting, his back against the force field, his head hung between his shoulders, but I could hear his breath coming in short, ragged gasps.

"That's the gambler…Firith Me," I whispered. It was the witness who testified during Sunry's cause. "God, let's get him out of there!" I blurted and started looking for a console. Canderous was first to get to it. He shut off the field. Without its support the gambler fell on his back with a loud grunt. I helped him to sit again. His bare skin was sticky and pale. I bit my lip when I noticed he wore the same trousers he did during the court. They must have taken him right after it.

Feeling my touch he moved his head slightly trying to focus his bloodshot eyes on me. "No…no Sith, no," he moaned and tried to push away from me, but had absolutely no strength at all.

"No, Firith. Look at me. I'm the Jedi from the trial," I tried to remind him, but he was still struggling to get away from me.

"Canderous, help me with him," I urged the Mandalorian. Together we made him stand, bringing each of his arms around our shoulders.

I felt a soft touch on my hand. "No, Raven," Mission frowned. "I'll do it. We'll need your lightsaber if we meet someone on our way out."

"We're not going out yet," I shook my head. But Mission's arguments were logical. I let her carry the gambler, but I made sure she was strong enough.

"No?" Bastila asked, casting a worried glance over the man.

"No. The Selkath wanted me to find some Shasa, which means there are other young Selkaths. We need to find them. And I bet they will be somewhere nearby. Mission, Canderous, don't drag Firith around needlessly, wait for us in the corridor." I turned on my heel, walking out of the room. Bastila quickly followed me.

It was sick, but what else could one expect from the Sith; I was right. The other Selkaths lived right next to this room.

/What is this? Are we to go anywhere? Has Master sent you?/ a young female Selkath asked me, approaching me slowly. I recognized her. She was the one we saw earlier.

"Master?" I repeated with a raised eyebrows. Than I realized how I looked like; white make-up and yellow contact lances, dressed in dark Jedi robes… "You're Shasa."

Shasa blinked and moved her head slightly, making soft squelching sounds. /Who are you?/ she asked slowly. /What are you doing here?/

"I could ask the same," I replied narrowing my eyes. "The Sith base is no place for kids."

/I don't remember seeing her before,/ one of the younglings whispered.

Shasa's face grimaced, but I simply couldn't understand Selkath's facial expressions. I had no idea what the face was supposed to mean. /You're spy…/ Her voice was down. She seemed to be a little afraid. I noticed her eyes glanced to my belt, my lightsabers.

"Yes, we are," I nodded simply. "What are you going to do about it?"

/We should call the Master,/ another Selkath spoke up.

"Do as you please," I said calmly. "For your sake I only hope you'll be treated differently than your friends." I tossed them the pendant I was holding in my hand until the moment. Shasa caught it skilfully into her three-fingered hand and looked at it. The rest of the group gathered behind her back.

/Shasa, that belongs to Galas./

Shasa lifted her fish-like head to me. /Where did you get it? And why is there blood on it? Can you hear me?/ she screamed when I didn't reply. /Why is there the blood?/

"Because not everything the Sith told you is true," I said emotionlessly.

"Actually, none of it is," Bastila specified.

/They would not lie to us,/ she refused to believe, shaking her head. /They're like a family to us. They care about us. For them we're someone!/ she tried to defend them.

"Yeah, someone they can abuse in the future. Because once you're not useful for them, they'll get rid of you just like they did with your friend Galas. You know, he was still alive when we found him. He sent us to you. He wanted us to warn you."

The Selkaths started talking to each other, too harshly for me to understand.

"Listen to me!" I said loudly. "I know we might seem untrustworthy, but we are the only ones you can believe in this place. Your Sith Master doesn't care about you. He doesn't care about anything but himself. Do you have any idea why they've brought you here? Why they train you?" I asked. The answer I got didn't come from them however.

For a second my eyes wandered around the small room. I gave an unhappy lopsided smile when I heard that voice in my head again.

_"I want Manaan at my hands. Take care of things. Smoothly. I want no one to notice our efforts. Focus on the young generation. It's not only human nature to rebel against parents during growing up. And that's where we strike. Do not fail me, need Selkaths on our side."_

_"As my Dark Lord commands."_

I closed my eyes and shook my head in amusement. "In years to come, they'd gain your trust. And when you are to take over the rule in this City from your fathers, the Sith will arise to power with you. How sly…"

Shasa was looking at me, unsure. /But.../

"No but, Shasa," I didn't let her finish. "The pendant I gave you is the proof. Your friends are dead. And you will be too in a matter of time."

Shasa opened her palm and looked at the pendant again. /I...I must apologize,/ she said after a quiet. /I think we owe you our thanks for showing us the truth and saving us from making a great mistake. Would you...would you take us away from here?/ she asked.

I looked at Bastia. "Would you?"

"Wait," she frowned slightly. "You're not coming with us?"

I shook my head. "I need to visit this Master. You go ahead. I will catch up on you in no time though."

When Canderous, Mission, Bastila and the younglings left for exit, I headed to the last door I hadn't opened yet. The room behind was small, with only a bed and few computer panels.

In front of the bed a man dressed in dark clothes was sitting cross-legged on the floor, meditating. He had a scarf over his face so I only could see his eyes. They were closed at the time I entered the room.

I smirked and initiated my lightsabers. "Hello, Damian."

...

I was sitting in the main hold. It was dark, since I hadn't bothered to switch on any lights, and quiet, because everyone was getting their well-deserved sleep after what happened. They wanted to execute us. If it weren't for the younglings who testified how it really was and the datapad I took from Damian after I killed him...

I was incredibly tired, sitting here all alone, with only a cup of tea to keep me company. I couldn't sleep however. That was the first time talk with Jasmine didn't bring me peace.

_"__I__ don__'__t__ understand __it.__ It__ was __like__ reading__ someone__ else__'__s__ records__ entirely.__"_

I knew the truth. Yet when she told me, my heart sank.

_"__He__ was__ married,__ but __not__ to __you.__"_

All along I knew. The visions were pointing at it. Everything was hinting that something wasn't right.

_"__He__ was __in __the __middle __of __divorce __proceedings __because__ of __another __woman.__"_

Now I understood why Master Zhar wanted me to look into my heart to find Adrianne.

_"__When__ the__ war__ ended,__he__ joined __the __Sith.__"_

Raven Adrianne Thaori. Revan. Darth Revan. Warm-hearted saviour turned cold blooded conqueror. Beloved hero turned resented villain. _At least that's what they say,_ I thought.

_"__He__ died__ on__ Telos __four__ years__ ago.__"_

Only now it all made sense; the dreams, the lies, why the Council accepted me into their Order so easily and despite my age. They needed me. They needed my memories. But when I refused to give them willingly a year ago, they tried to get them with the help of the Force. But my mind was too strong. Instead of getting what they wanted, they destroyed my memory.

"And then they came up with the fantastic idea," I whispered into the darkness, "to create a soldier loyal to the Republic in hope all my knowledge were still buried somewhere deep inside my mind." With a heavy sigh I hid my face in my palms. Sliding my hands up I combed my hair slowly, exhaling and trying to calm down.

Soft steps echoed through the ship. They stopped behind me, but I didn't bother to turn around.

"Well, well...why aren't you sleeping, child?" Jolee asked.

"I was hungry. And then I decided to stay awake. I made myself a nice hot tea," I lifted the cup for him to see, "and now I'm waiting for the crew to wake up too."

He sat down in the seat beside me. "You've been up for most of the night. You're not tired?" he asked, touching the cup. "It's cold. How long are you sitting here like that?"

"I don't know," I shrugged. "Long."

He sighed. "Is it because of the fight you had with Carth?"

I looked at the full cup. The tea was cold, yes, but I hadn't taken a single sip of it yet. When it was still hot I used it to warm up my hands instead of drinking it. "No, Carth has nothing to do with it this time. I just...I have too much on my mind lately."

"And could an old man like me help you with your worries?" he kept asking. I turned to him slightly.

"He could have," I nodded, scowling. "Why didn't you tell me, Jolee? When we first met, you had to notice I didn't recognize you."

"Oh, so that's what it is all about," he mused, taking his chin in his fingers. Then he took one of my hands into his both. "You know, lass. I did notice you didn't recognize me. But how could I tell you? First, I had no idea whether it was just an act in front of your friends or not. Second, what difference would it make?"

"Do you have any idea how I felt all this time? Having these visions and being told all the lies? I doubted myself, I was afraid I was going crazy. I didn't know what to think. That's what Carth meant when he had said I'd changed. I was thinking about it day and night. I wished and prayed, but somewhere deep inside I knew it was in vain and that was giving me the creeps. You could have saved me a lot of trouble, Jolee."

His old eyes were watching me carefully. His hands were pleasantly warm, holding mine, and as I talked, his pressure was tightening slightly. It was somehow reassuring. "And now?" he asked, giving me a searching look. "Do you feel less troubled now when you know?"

A ghost of a smile appeared on my face. I looked at our joined hands. "Touché."

"What are you going to do now?" he asked. From the distance we could hear soft sounds. It appeared the rest of my friends were waking up slowly.

"I wish I knew, Jolee. I wish I knew."

...

When we gave Roland the data he wanted so much, he asked us not to leave the base until he searched the files. He left us waiting in the entrance hall, which was much better than the corridor, but I still couldn't help myself and had to mutter a snide comment or two, which he ignored.

But the worst part of the day was when he invited us to his office again. One look at him was enough to tell me something was wrong. "I'm afraid," he started slowly, his eyes focused on the monitor in front of him, "I can't let you go down there."

"Does it have anything to do with the data we brought?" Bastila asked.

Wordlessly, Wann turned the monitor around so that we could see the screen. The video in a small window was dark and I had problems distinguishing a silhouette of some human.

_"__...azy.__ The __situation __got __out __of __our __hands. __We__ need __reinforcements.__ Armed __re...wait __a __minute...what__ was __it?__"_ The dark shadow turned around. A loud, earsplitting scream rang through the room. The soldier lifted his hand holding a blaster and shot a few times. Something flashed past the camera, hitting and knocking down the soldier. The yelling stopped, the only sound we could hear was soft squelching and grunting, which made my skin prickle. The screen went black after that.

The room was quiet. Bastila had an expression of horror in her eyes.

"We'd better seal off the facility," Wann said and turned the monitor to its previous position.

"No," I scowled and made a step forward, leaning against his table with my hands. "You must not. There still might be survivors down there and they need your help."

"And what can I do?" he asked, frowning too. I was glad his pretended politeness was gone at last. "Ever since we lost the contact with the facility I've been hiring mercenaries, but none of them got back. There were whole groups of them, but they are all probably dead now."

"Apparently the situation isn't one soldiers or guns for hire can solve, captain," I said in a commanding voice I learned to use a long ago, during the war. "But you have two Jedi knights standing right in front of you, and other two waiting in a hangar."

"Excuse me, my lady, but you yourself said you were just Padawans."

"I beg to differ, captain," I opposed him. "Bastila and Juhani are Padawans, that's true. But I reached the rank of Jedi Knight eight years ago and our friend Jolee Bindo is experienced Jedi who spent quite a time hunting terentateks and other vermin on Kashyyyk," I overstated a little. "I'm not asking you to sacrifice your soldiers, captain. All I demand is the submarine you promised us."

When he didn't say anything, I straightened and gave him a self-confident smile. "I expect it to be prepared within half an hour. Bastila," I turned to the stunn young woman beside me. She gaped at me and I noticed her hands were shaking. "Go get Juhani and Jolee and hurry. I'll stay here to make sure the sub's ready on time. Stop looking at me like that and go. The faster the better."

* * *

><p>To be continued. And now when Raven finally knows she's Revan (oh, the troubles with writing two so similar names :D) I'd like to ask you whether you would like her to stay light or turn to the dark side. I'm asking, because I knew I always liked the feeling I could influence someone else's story somehow, even if it was just a minor decision :) You can PM me or write you opinion via review and I'd adapt the story to your wishes.<p>

Anyway, thanks for reading and if you have anything to say, let me know. Reviews are always welcomed :)


	18. Blood

Dislcaimer: I don't own Kotor_  
><em>

* * *

><p><em>I smirked and initiated my lightsabers. "Hello, Damian," I whispered when I entered the dark room.<em>

_ The Sith in front of me frowned and opened his eyes, narrowing them. The light coming from the corridor was casting a long shadow of my form over him and he apparently couldn't recognize me._

_ His eyes fell on my weapons._

_ "Too much dark," I said, lifting my right hand. "Switch the lights on."_

_ He waved his hand, standing up slowly. "But you're dead," he said silently as the room lit by unnaturally white light. _

_ I deactivated my lightsabers and put them back on my waist. "Oh yes, I'm walking corpse. I came to haunt you. I've been wanting to do so since the very day you betrayed me," I informed him sweetly._

_ "Betray?" He repeated after a moment of hesitation. "But, my dark Lady, I'd…"_

_ "…never betray you. I was loyal only to you, blah, blah, blah, yeah, I know the crap," I cut in on him. "Spare me, Damian. I knew you swore your loyalty to him long before the attack." Just moments ago I had no idea who Damian was. But as I was talking, images and glimpses of memories started rushing back to me as if I was watching my life on a video. "Apropos. Do you really think I didn't know how you suddenly left the Spark? It was rather suspicious considering the space battle around us…unless you knew staying on the ship would me much more dangerous," I hissed. My hands felt empty now when they weren't holding anything._

_ Damian didn't say anything which more than proved his guilt. _

_ "Don't you have anything you want to say now?" I asked, tilting my head to one side. "Begging for mercy comes to my mind," I mused._

_ "I know you, my Lady. Begging never worked on you," he finally said, his voice grim. _

_ I smiled genuinely. "Give me your lightsaber," I said and reached out. He obeyed. His 'saber was much larger and heavier than mine. And when I initiated it, the room lit with crimson. "I never understood the obsession with changing your saber colour to red while being a Sith," I murmured. I was twisting his weapon in my hands as if it could look different from other angles. _

_"You used to have red ones too, my lady," he dared to speak._

_I narrowed my eyes while still watching the red blade. "Yes. As a reminder. After all, it's the colour of blood, isn't it? Anyway," I swung the lightsaber few times to test it. "I'm decided to give you the honour of dying with dignity. Kneel."_

_ He __was __looking __into__ my __eyes __for__ a __few __seconds __before__ he__ slowly __turned__ around __and __fell__ to__ his __knees, __whispering __his__ last__ words:__ "__I__ should __have __known__ choosing__ Malak __was __a__ mistake. __After __all, _he_ wouldn__'__t__ have__ chosen__ you __without a __reason.__"_

_...  
><em>

I wasn't afraid when we got in the sub. I wasn't feeling anything not even when we started to submerge into the ice-cold water. It was getting darker and darker until there was nothing around us, but a huge mass of water and that terrible, foreboding silence. It seemed like an eternity before we could finally see the building in the sub's headlights.

"That's it," Jolee murmured and took the sub right to the facility. Soon we emerged in docks, which were half-ruined. I was wondering how was it they weren't all flooded already. The lights were out.

When I got out of the sub, shivers went down my spine as the cold air touched my skin. When I exhaled slowly, watching all the other submarines around, a little cloud of vapour formed in front of my face.

"What happened here?" Juhani asked, looking at the submarines as well. "Why didn't they leave the facility?" she added.

"Whatever it was," I whispered, "it had to happen fast. All of you, ready your lightsabers. I have a feeling we'll need it."

"Of course we'll need them," Jolee nodded and had already activated his. "I doubt there will be any light out there."

That brought a smile to my lips. I lifted my lightsaber above my head and initiated it too. Slowly I headed to the large door. "We need to find some storeroom first. To get us some diving suits," I said as we entered the corridor. Jolee wasn't right; there were lights. Those terrible, dim red emergency lights that always foretold a disaster.

"But we still have no idea where the map is. Why didn't we first check the facility's surroundings while still in the sub?" Juhani stated looking around. The corridor was more or less made of glass so we could see the ocean around us. It might have been a beautiful sight for someone who had never seen it, as my friends proved. They were watching the large firaxa that waws slowly swimming around us.

"I know where it is," I answered absent-mindedly. I was thinking back to my last time here. The facility had been fully operational back then. I remembered walking through this very corridor following Alek and handful of soldiers who were accompanying us, while all the outer lights of this facility had been on. It had been a marvel sight; the surroundings, all the reefs and corals. Or the packs of the smallest fish I'd ever seen. There had been hundreds of them, moving with incredible agility, as colourful as a rainbow. "And we'll need some sonic generators. Because of firaxas," I added, looking at the creature out there.

"You know?" she repeated in confusion.

I sent her a questioning look, before I realized she was oblivious to the painful truth about me. "I had a vision. It was unusually concrete about its position," I lied, looking over my shoulder at her. She smiled and nodded, apparently believing me.

Bastila was doing a great job avoiding my gaze. Her eyes fell on the wet ceiling. "The level above us must be swamped. Look at all the water dropping from above," she brought up.

I wanted to lift my head like my friends did, but something before us caught my attention. I heard a soft puffing and sound as if something was dragged across the floor. "Eyes front," I whispered and stopped to listen.

"What is it?" Juhani asked soundlessly. Her eyes were wide as the ones of a cat, and she tightened her grip on her lightsaber, ready to fight.

I shook my head. "Deactivate your lightsabers. There is enough light as it is and we needn't to draw needless attention," I ordered. I did just as I said, but didn't fasten my weapons back to my belt. I looked at my friends, who after a moment of hesitation obeyed me. Slowly and as quietly as I could I went down the corridor.

The sounds were coming from a nearby room. Carefully, I lowered myself on the cold, wet floor and stick my head over the door frame to look inside.

Just like the corridors, this room was lit only by emergency lights too. The floor was covered in countless puddles and I definitely didn't like the dark splashes and handprints on the wall. They belonged to both human and – according to only three fingers – to Selkath.

"Empty," I shook my head when I stood up again. "But something definitely happened in there. There's quite amount of blood on the walls."

"Why did you lie down?" Juhani asked.

"If you were in there guarding the door, where would you expect to see someone's head looking inside?" That was all I said, before I slowly walked in the room. After few steps I was stopped by a loud roar. From my right something dashed to me and I barely managed to jump aside. I turned around quickly to see what attacked me, initiating the lightsabers I held in my hands.

The Selkath crouched and backed away as if the mere light from my weapons hurt him. He used his hands to cover his eyes, but I still caught a glimpse of the mad gleam he had in them. Something was amiss.

"Not good…" I exhaled when I saw the blood drop from his mouth. Another sound behind me made me spin around again. The Selkath behind me was reaching out with his bloody hands, aiming at my head.

The lightsaber cut through the air with a loud swoosh and one of the Selkath hands fell to the floor. But it didn't seem to affect the creature. He only looked down for a moment, before its crazy eyes found me again. The Selkath darted to me again, waving the bleeding stump at me. I dodged the mad creature, it hand only barely touched me, before I cut off its head at the process. It felt on the floor with a silent thump and rolled away, followed by the body.

I checked my hip where I felt his fingers. I wrinkled my eyebrow when I noticed how my clothes turned red. I swore inwardly when I examined the scratch. Shallow, nothing serious.

"Is anybody inj…?" I looked at others who managed to kill off the first Selkath in the meantime. My eyes widened when I saw a large wound on Bastila's head. Her lip was bleeding too.

"It's not that deep," Jolee was saying, while Juhani was turning off her lightsaber and sending one last ugly look to the dead Selkath on the floor at her feet.

"I'm alright," Bastila shoved his hand away from her head and used the back of her hand to wipe the blood off her mouth. "I bit my lip," she whispered. Her hand was shaking and I could feel through our bond she wasn't herself. She was achingly afraid of something.

I knelt to the headless body. I lifted the severed mitt and brought it to the light produced by my lightsaber. "So, Selkath went crazy and attacked republic soldiers," I whispered, looking at the blood on it, and dropped it. It made a loud splash when it hit the puddle. I stood up.

"I thought Selkath were peaceful," Juhani mused, while examining the other body; the one with the head.

"There's something sticking out of his mouth," Jolee said, standing above the head lying on the floor.

"That's part of the republic uniform," Bastila said faintly, her eyes fixed on the republic logo on the ragged sleeve. She seemed pale, but maybe it was only due to the wound on her head. It was bleeding slowly, making a narrow red trickle run down her check.

"I'd suggest," I said, looking around, "not to search this place. I really don't want to find any half-eaten soldiers here," I said and tore my eyes off the dead creature.

"But Juhani had a point. Why did they attack us? Why would they?" Bastila asked, frowning.

"You can ask them next time we meet them," I smirked and looked at the floor. Thanks to the omnipresent puddles I could see traces of Selkath's bare feet all over it. I headed to the corridor they had come from. But the door at its end were closed and locked.

"Dead end," I said simply and hid my hands in my pockets. I was freezing. But apparently I was the only one. For one, Bastila rolled her sleeves up.

"Than let's find another way," Juhani suggested.

"Yeah, let's return," I nodded and turned. We stopped on the next crossroad, where we still had two turns to check. And then I got the idea. I smiled mildly. "Maybe we should split," I said. "Juhani, Jolee, you go left. Me and Bastila, we'll take this turn," I pointed in the direction.

"That's not a good idea," Juhani shook her head. I had my eyes on Bastila though. She looked away from me and shifted her weight nervously, probably sensing my intentions. "We should keep together," the Cathar added.

"Smaller group will move not only faster, but quieter as well," I stated and looked at Jolee. "I would never want any of us go somewhere _alone_, but we'll be in couples. And we're Jedi. We'll manage," I said and put an emphasis on "alone".

His eyebrows rose slightly as he caught my meaning. "I agree with Raven. This base is large and we'll cover more space that way."

"But…what if something…" Juhani started and casted a worried glance over me. I hung my shoulders for a moment, remembering our conversations. She didn't have to say it out loud, bud I knew she cared about me. To be frank, I had a feeling her admiration even started to leave _the_ boundaries. "Don't worry. We can't die now. We need to kick Malak's ass first," I smiled and gave her my comlink. "We'll use Bastila's. Let us know if anything…" I hesitated, "I mean, keep us posted."

"Let's go," Jolee said and put his hand around Juhani's shoulder. "The sooner we start the sooner we're done. I miss the sun," he said and turned around.

"You first," I motioned Bastila to go. She nodded, as pale as ghost, tightening her grip on her lightsaber. Silently, we started searching "our" part of the base, but instead of finding any diving suit, we only managed to discover one of the airlocks. I reported it to Jolee, saying we'd wait for them there.

_"__We__ should __arrive__ in...well, we should arrive. This place is a maze, I have no idea where we are, but don't worry, we'll find our way. By the way, we found a storeroom, but there was only one__suit,__" _Jolee informed me._  
><em>

I nodded and smiled. "One is enough. What about the sonic generator?"

_"__We__ have __it,__" _Jolee answered.

"Great. At least something goes smoothly. What about the Selkaths?"

_"__We__ encountered __another__ group. __It __was__ugly, but we're unharmed__.__"_

"I wonder what's behind their behaviour. Any survivors?"

_"__Only __corpses.__"__  
><em>

"Wann won't be pleased," I shook my head.

In the background I could hear Juhani's voice, but I didn't understand her. _"How's Bastila?"_ Jolee asked eventually.

I looked over my shoulder. Bastila was sitting on the floor with her back to the wet wall. her head was leaned back and her eyes were closed. I frowned. "She looks tired. And she's nervous."

_"Don't be to harsh on her, girl. She was only _fulfilling_ Council's wishes."_

I nodded. "I know, Jolee. And I don't blame her," I lowered my voice. "Adri...I mean, Raven out."

With a sigh I turned back and came closer to Bastila. She lazily opened her eyes.

I was looking at her. She was unnaturally pale in the dim red light. Her skin was shiny with sweat, which was strange, because the air was rather cold. Her eyes were weary and narrowed as if she had troubles focusing on me. "Why didn't you tell me?" I asked silently. "I thought we were friends."

Slowly, she stood up, tracing her fingers up the wall as she did. "I wanted to tell you, but the Council forbid it," was the first thing she said. "I wanted you to know the whole truth, but they thought it would be far too dangerous." She was talking slowly.

"Dangerous? Why?" I asked.

"They…" she broke off. Her hand fumbled for the wall behind her. "They were...afraid you'd turn back to…to the dark side if you…if you knew."

"And you?" I asked. "Are you afraid of me too? Is that why you're backing to the wall?" Now she was again leaning against it. But as soon as the words left my mouth I knew something was wrong.

"Bastila?" I called to her and hurried to support her right before her kneels buckled. "Bastila!"

"I'm alright…I'm just little…light-headed," she protested when I helped to sit down carefully. She was sweating heavily and her irises were unnaturally wide, her breathing shallow.

I'd seen such symptoms before. When we'd been on Kashyyyk with Alek, he had gotten poisoned by one of the local creatures. He had nearly died back than.

"Don't move, Bastila. Be still and breathe slowly," I told her, helping her to lie down. I needed her to slow down her heartbeat as much as possible to prevent the poison from spreading through her bloodstream so fast. "I'll go get Jolee. He doesn't know where we are," I added and made a step back. Bastila nodded. I turned around and hurried down the corridor we'd come here. I started running, not giving a damn about the noise I was making. I would take out every Selkath that would jump at me. Now I needed to find Jolee and bring him to Bastila.

When I met them, they both had their lightsabers initiated as they thought I was a Selkath. But when they saw my face they turned them off. "What's going on, lass?" Jolee asked.

"Bastila's been poisoned, Jolee," I said. I hadn't run that long, but I felt tired.

"Lead us to her," he nodded and picked up the diving suit he'd dropped.

As we were getting back, I was hoping we were not too late. We found her still lying on the very spot where I had left her, unconscious. Jolee rushed to her side.

"Is she going to be fine?" I asked Jolee, but he didn't answer me. He closed his eyes and positioned his hand above her chest. For several minutes he neither moved nor spoke a word. Finally he opened his eyes and let his hand fall to his hips. "She's a fighter. She's going to be alright," he looked at me and only after that I released the breath I was holding.

"You said she was poisoned. What happened?" Juhani asked me.

"I…have no idea," I shrugged. "We were just talking," I said and used the back of my head to wipe the sweat off my forehead. I was still hot from the running. "But it doesn't matter as long as she's okay," I smiled. "Now we should return to the task at hand." I looked at the diving suit. "I should go. I know where it is so I'll be back before you notice," I suggested and Jolee nodded.

Juhani frowned, but didn't say anything. And when I started putting the heavy thing on, she helped me.

"We'll move Bastila to the sub in the meantime," Jolee said when I was dressed, but still without the helmet.

"Good idea. And once you're there stay there. It will be safer."

...

The suit was heavy and moving was difficult. I was weary and I felt trickles of sweat running down my back as I neared the other building of the facility. I needed to go through it. That was the fastest way to the star map. But when I finally stepped out of the airlock and put off the helmet, I thought I was going to faint.

I was hot and now I knew it had nothing to do with the running. I felt a sharp pain where the Selkath had scratched me. I had troubles breathing and moving, and my vision was blurred.

I wanted nothing more than to lie down, close my eyes and fall asleep, just like Bastila while I'd been talking to Jolee. "Not now…you need to go on, Adrianne," I said silently as I went down the dark corridor. My arm was sore as I held the helmet in it. It was getting heavier by any second.

I stopped only when I spotted a group of Selkath in the corridor. From its end a faint blue light was coming and it allowed me to see them.

There were three of them. They were gathered around a dead body and were eating its insides. As I got closer they turned their heads to me. The blood was dropping from their hands and I only suspected that the red things hanging from their mouths were muscles fibres; all I saw were red smudges.

"Enjoy your meal, guys," I whispered. I didn't have the strength to raise my voice.

Strangely enough they didn't follow me. They were only turning their heads as I walked them by and when I had my back to them I heard soft noises as they begun to eat again.

It appeared the blue light was from a force filed raised in the middle of the corridor. I gave a humourless laugh when I reached it. There was my only way to the other side of the building – and to the star map – and it was blocked. I noticed there were people behind the field.

Suddenly I had a bad feeling. Staggering, I turned around. There was one of the Selkath I'd seen before. His head was tilted to one side in what seemed as unnatural angle and he had one hand lifted in the air. There was something in his palm, but I couldn't see what it was.

And then I heard the soft beep.

"No…" I breathed. The little round thing flashed through the air.

My hand instinctively flew in front of me. I closed my eyes tightly, expecting a loud blow to shake the entire building, but nothing came. I opened my eyes and saw a dark smudge floating in the air right before my palms. Slowly I reached out and touched the grenade. With the false memories of the soldier, Raven, I knew how to deactivate it. I dropped it when I fell to my knees. When I used the force to save my life, it drained the rest of my energy from me. I couldn't keep a balance any longer. I fell to the side, but I never hit the ground.

Few pairs of strong arms caught me. I heard distant voices talking everywhere around me.

"Drag her inside."

"Fast!"

"God! She's so pale."

"She looks sick."

"She used the Force, but she doesn't look like a Jedi."

I smiled faintly. "Survivors," I murmured. "Roland will be pleased."

"The captain?" I heard an old woman voice right above me. "Has he sent you?"

"No," I shook my head. "The Order. I need to…the star map…"

"Star map?"

I felt a soft touch on my neck, followed by a painful pinch. It made me feel better however, like it was pure energy which was injected into my body.

"What is this star map?" the old woman asked again. I felt someone's cold hand on my forehead.

I managed to stand up. "The artefact," I said. "It's out there, right out there," I pointed out of the nearby window. "Where's my helmet? I need to go…I need my helmet."

"You can't go out!" the woman tried to convince me. "The Selkath has poisoned you."

"I've survived the duel…with the Mandalore himself. I can survive…little posi…posing…thingy."

"You can't go," another voice shouted. "There's the…thing!"

"You, bring me my helmet," I waved my hand at a dark-skinned girl and made my way to the airlock. No one dared to stop me. I paused in front of the window. It was showing me a narrow bridge over the cleft in the surface and I spotted something…dark…above it. Was it _the__ thing_? The thing was a fish? _I__ have__ the __generator, it will scare it off,_ I thought and smiled. Someone handed me the helmet. "I will…tell Roland you're here…"

...

_"__So__ vulnerable __and __defenceless. __It __would __be __easy__ to__ get __rid __of __you __now, __would __it, __my __pet?__"_

_ I was standing on the narrow path leading to the throne, around me nothing but a darkness. I didn't want to come to it, but it seemed I wasn't the one who was controlling my body._

_ "Come forward, my pet. Come and tell me. Why have you done the exact opposite of what I ordered you?" His eyes, cold ane emotionless, were giving me a piercing look. "Tell me, my pet, do you really intend to fight me?"_

_ I reached the end of the path. I was standing right at his feet. Slowly I knelt and bent my head._

_ "So vulnerable and defenceless you are, my pet. Do you really want to make me angry?"_

_ His form slowly stood up. His long, bony finger touched me under my chin and tilted my head upwards. "Do you remember anything yet? Do you remember Raenah?"_

_ "Raenah," my lips whispered on their own accord. "His blood. I remember."_

_ A cruel smile spread across his lips. "I sent him after you, my pet."_

_...  
><em>

Someone was holding my hand softly. I heard a voice, but it seemed far too away to understand.

...

_"__You__'__re__ not __serious.__" __Morgana__'__s __face __was __glowering. __Her __lips __were__ squeezed __in to __a__ tight __line __and __she __had __her __hands __on __her __hips. __She__ was __angry._

_ "I am. I understand you see things from completely different point of view, but.."_

_ "Different point of view? As if it wasn't enough I'm worried about my husband. Now you have to go and join the madness as well!"_

_ "Someone has to," I shrugged._

_ "But why you?" she pleaded, her blue eyes were giving me an intense look. "There are…hundreds of you! And you don't know anything about what it is like. You've spent all your life sheltered."_

_ "I'll be alright."_

_ Her hand cut though the air in a swift movement. She made an impatient sound and turned her back to me. "I don't want all of my family to die in that stupid war!"_

_ I shook my head. "No one's going to die, Morry, don't freak out."_

_ "Why you?" she repeated her question after a quiet._

_ "Every person counts now, no matter if it is a soldier, a Jedi, a doctor or a mercenary. The Republic needs us."_

_"But you're supposed to be peacekeepers. Not warriors," she whispered, keeping her back to me.  
><em>

_"How can you talk about peace in the middle of war?" I asked her. When she didn't say anything, I went on. "Morgana. I can't live knowing people are dying needlessly, while I can help them."_

_ "You haven't answered my question yet."_

_ "I go where I'm needed. That's the answer. Someone has to stop it. The sooner the better. And I'm willing to sacrifice my life for that. It is worth sacrificing it."_

_ She turned around slowly. She looked at me with weary eyes, eyes of a sister, a wife and a mother, full of worry and shiny tears. "But you're so young."_

_ "Seven years younger, sis. That's not such a big deal."_

...

I felt pleasantly warm, but weak. I didn't even have the strength to open my eyes. But I didn't mind. I was fine. I had this numb feeling and didn't care about anything. The only thing that bothered me was the soft beeping around me. And the white light I saw through my eyelids.

A silent hiss indicated the door opened. I heard steps of several people and my curiosity got the better of me. I turned my head slowly to the side to look who came. I saw two medical droids. One of them was coming straight to my bed while the other disappeared out of my visual field.

"I'm glad to see you awake," the droid standing near me said in his cybernetic voice. "I am M7-3AH, medical droid. Do you remember where you are?"

I looked around. I was lying on a bed in a small white room with medical machines. Although there were several beds I was the only one inside, except for the droids now. "Infirmary?" I asked my voice hoarse and not louder than a whisper.

"Do you remember your name?" the droid kept asking.

I frowned. Or course I remembered. "Adrianne," I said. "Can I have some water?" I asked. My throat was dry.

"Do you know how old you are?" M7 continued, somehow ignoring my own question.

"Twenty nine."

"What is the last thing you remember?"

_ A loud detonation rang through my ears and I could feel the ground tremble._

"The ground was shaking. I was sick and there was this noise. Explosion? And a fish. There was a fish. Big one," I was trying to remember.

"Memory loss, wrong answers. Needs more hospitalization," M7 said and turned around. Without saying anything more the droid left the room.

I turned my head to the other droid. It was standing on the other side of the infirmary. "Where am I?"

"Republic base on Manaan," the droid answered immediately.

"Manaan," I repeated. I looked at the ceiling above me. I didn't notice when the droid left the room too. I was too preoccupied with my memories. I remembered I'd been in the mining facility. But as hard as I tried, I couldn't recall if I had gotten to the star map or not.

"M7 told me you're finally awake," a relieved voice sounded from the door. "You scared the hell out of us, lass. Don't do this again."

"Jolee," I smiled at the elder Jedi standing in the doorframe. The smile however soon died on my lips. "I've failed, Jolee. I don't have it. The star map," I was whispering, watching him coming to me. He sat on my bed and took my hand in his. My skin was terribly white and transparent, with many violet bruises.

"You have it a little messed up," he said. I was looking at his thumb which was carefully caressing my knuckles. "Listen. When you left, with Juhani we dragged Bastila back to the sub. We spent quite some time not knowing how you were doing, but then some woman contacted us using your comlink." He paused for a moment. "She said you came to the other building in terrible state. Weak, pale with dark circles under your eyes, feverish…in short, the woman talked about you as if you were at death's door. Which probably wasn't far from the truth," he mused. "Anyway, as usual you were incredibly stubborn about going out to the star map. You went through the airlock without both your comlink and the sonic generator. She was watching you through the window and was telling us how you blew up the mining facility to get some fish from your way."

"Fish," I repeated. "I remember the fish."

His hand tightened his grip on mine slightly. "You went for the star map. And you managed to get back. We found you unconscious inside one of the other airlocks. We hurried back to the surface as fast as we could. For one moment I thought we had lost you."

"I had a dream," I said silently. "About my sister."

"Was it a happy dream?" he asked, playing along with me.

I shook my head. "No. We argued. It was before I went to the Mandalorian war. What about Roland? How did he take the news about the facility?" I switched to the previous topic again.

Jolee took a slow breath and nodded his head. "He was shocked, to say at least."

"And the survivors? How are they?" I asked with concern.

"They're fine now. And they owe you a great deal. We all do," Jolee added and smiled at me.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well...the explosion didn't go unnoticed. We were summoned at the court," he broke off. "But thanks to the fact you hadn't kill the fishy-creature, they let us go, babbling something about legends and great beasts and blah, blah," he waved his hand.

"Why do I have so many bruises on my skin?"

He raised his eyebrow at the sudden change of topic again. "It's probably because of the poison, but I don't really know. I'm not a doctor."

"And how long was I out?"

"For two days."

I made a move to sit up, but Jolee's hand pushed me back to the pillow gently. "No," he shook his head. "You should rest. You know, it was clever of you to tell Bastial not to move. But you did the exact opposite. Do you realize the only reason you're now alive is your Jedi training? Without it, the poison would have killed you."

I smiled weakly. "We're Jedi, we'll always manage." I took a slow breath. "Mission wished to stay here longer."

"She doesn't now," he shook his head. "She's met a friend of hers, some Twi'lek lady named Lena..."

"The name rings the bell," I said, frowning slightly.

"...so you know who I'm talking about. Well, her brother is on Tatooine."

"I should rest," I whispered looking around. "But I'd feel much more comfortable resting onboard Ebon Hawk, in her sick bay."

Jolee smiled. "I'll talk to the doctor."

"You won't try to dissuade me?" I wondered.

He stood up and went to the door. Only there he turned around. "I know better than to argue with you. Oh, and so that you know. Had you woken up an hour ago, you'd had found Carth here. If you ask nicely, I will even tell you what he was talking to you about while you were unconscious," he winked at me just before he disappeared into the corridor.

* * *

><p>Thanks for reading :) If you have anything to say, just click the review button and don't be shy, I don't bite :)<p>

**Chippychap**: Thank you :) I would have written to you much sooner, but you have your PM disabled. I'm glad you enjoy the story so much and that it helped you to discover something new in the game.


	19. Split

Disclaimer: I don't own Kotor

* * *

><p>It felt like ages since I'd last seen Ebon Hawk. The ship seemed different when I stepped on her ramp, or rather when Jolee helped to step on it. I felt weak like I'd never felt before, but I was in good spirit. I was glad to get out of the infirmary. I had always hated infirmaries.<p>

"My girl," I whispered and traced my hand across its iron walls as we limped through the dark corridor.

"Raven, it's good to see you awake," Juhani smiled at me when we entered. She didn't bait an eyelash when she saw me in spite of how terrible I looked. Pale, with dark circles under my eyes, dishevelled hair...

I smiled at her. "Little poison cannot hurt me, but thanks for your concern," I tried to reassure her. "Where are we going?" I asked Jolee when he turned left suddenly, leading me away from my quarters.

"You're not sleeping on your bunk," he only stated before we entered the small sick bay. It had just enough space for one bed and few cabinets for medical supplies. Despite his age Jolee lifted me into his arms in a swift motion and carefully laid me down on the hard bed.

I made a face, but I didn't argue with him. "How long should I be here?"

"You heard the doctor. A week at least."

"The journey to Tatooine takes three days from here," I reminded him and let him take off my shoes. I smiled. The last time I sat on bed and someone was putting my shoes off was back on Ankara. I quickly wiped the smile off my face when Jolee looked up at me.

"Than you'll stay here as long as needed," he frowned at me. "And I'm not joking, lass. I know who you are, I know what you're capable of and how strong you are. But I know you nearly died. You need to gain some of this strength of yours first before you can go on killing your enemies."

"If you know this all, you probably should know I'm not someone who takes orders," I said in serious voice. But I obediently averted my eyes under his uncompromising gaze. "But you're right," I added much softer. I looked at the ceiling above me and Jolee put a blanket around me, up to my waist.

"Jolee?" I asked him. "Tell me, what was he talking about?"

There was a slight tug at a corner of his mouth. "I know I promised to tell you, but I think you should hear it from him."

"But…!" I tried to sit up, but his hand firmly pushed me back to the pillow. When my back hit the bed again, I could feel it tremble. From the engine room I heard a silent roaring as the Ebon Hawk was brought to life again.

"I'm serious, lass," Jolee said and sat down on the bed beside me. He took one of my hands into his. His touch was soft and careful as if he was afraid he could hurt me.

"That honest, huh?" I asked without a smile.

"People tend to be like that when they think it's the last time they speak with someone they love," he nodded.

I frowned and looked at our hands. "He shouldn't love me," I whispered.

"Why not?" he asked with a hint of smile. It made me think he knew everything about us. About him, about me, about our relationship. As well as he knew answer to his own question.

"He never had a chance to say goodbye because of me," I started evasively, not meeting his eyes.

"I'm afraid I don't follow you here."

Liar.

"He's Telosian," I finally lifted my eyes to him. "And I know no Telosian who would ever say something nice when it comes to Darth Revan."

His grip tightened slightly. "Do you love him?"

"I…" I hesitated. That question took my by surprise. "I-I care for him."

"Do you love him?"

I was looking at him, unable to say anything. Did I love him? Hell yes I was!

"Why are you afraid to say it?" he interpreted my silence as a sign of doubts. "Because of Telos? Because of your sister?"

"How do you…?" I started, but then it dawned on me. When we first met, Carth called me Ana. With Morry, we always looked alike, only she was blonde. And that had to mean he knew I was her sister from the very moment. "Is this what he was talking about?" I asked. He only smiled. And when he did, I gave him a smile of my own. But unlike his, mine was humourless. "Do you know the true reason why Alek chose Telos as his target?" I asked him.

He merely shook his head.

"He was avenging me. He wanted to kill someone who hurt me, Jolee. He thought it would make me happy," I said looking away from him. "He didn't know my family was there. I told him only when he was lying on the ground in pool of his own blood, jawless," I said bluntly.

"These are not very happy memories."

"Most of my memories aren't happy," I hung my head. "Could you please fetch me some water?" I asked him. My throat suddenly went dry.

...

_ A soft touch on my cheek woke me up. I smiled and leaned in the touch, murmuring something incoherent. I was still sleepy, when I opened my eyes. I saw someone tall and muscular towering above me. I frowned._

_ Something was wrong. _

_ The ship was quiet and the engine shut off. And all the lights of the control panels under the turret tower were turned off too. Ebon Hawk was drowned in dark._

_ The man let his large red palm slide down my neck and arm. It took an iron grip of my wrist to prevent me from yanking away from him. _

_ He lowered his face close to mine and his yellow eyes paid me an intensive look. "You're so weak, human," he said with spiteful tone. "It would be so easy to simply crush you now."_

_ I took a slow calm breath. "Go ahead then. Your master will be pleased."_

_ He sneered and his eyes moved lower from mine. "He wants to hear your screams. He fell in love with them on your last visit."_

_ My hand was sore and I was slowly losing all the feeling in it, how tightly he was holding it. But I wouldn't let him know it. "I'm not afraid of you. You can't hurt me now."_

_ "I don't want to hurt you," he said. I felt his other hand touch me gently right between my breasts. I tried to get away from him, but he pulled me back. "No, human. I know of better ways how to succumb you to my will."_

_ I bit my lip to stiffen the moan when his lips touched my neck with a surprising gentleness. "N-no..." I whispered closing my eyes tightly. I felt his hand move over my stomach, continuing downward._

_ "No?" His other hand finally let go of my wrist and grabbed my hair, pulling it painfully, yanking my head back. "Don't you remember? You used to love it," he said in cold voice. _

_ "I'm not the same person," I hissed, glad his hand stopped moving, and yet I was yearning for his touch at the same time._

_ "Partly you are." He let go of my hair and straightened. "And this part still answers to my call."_

_ "I have it under control. And even if I don't, I'm strong enough to face you."_

_ His laughter rang through the room. "But is he?"_

My eyes snapped open when I sit up. I took a sharp breath and then covered my mouth with my hand to stifle my cry. The infirmary was empty.

I was shaking and all I wanted was a shower to get the lingering feeling of his hands off me. I swung my bare feet off the bed, and touched the cold iron floor. Slowly I made my way to the bathroom, but even when I left it I wasn't feeling any better.

Dressed only in my underwear I sat in the seat in the main hold and looked at both of my wrists. My left hand had been bruised when I woke up on Manaan. But now I had fresh bruises on my right wrist as well, exactly where he held me.

"He's getting stronger," I whispered and caressed the bruises with my fingers. "Or I indeed weaker," I added, looking at the dark marks on my skin.

_"__You__ used __to__ love __it,__" _he said. "I did," I murmured. "But I was stupid. And the dark side was clouding my mind back there. All I craved was his power."

_And __you __got __it,_ the thought shot through my mind. _And __now, __you __have __to__ pay__ for __it._

"But not with his life. Never with his life," I frowned and fisted both of my hands so that they would finally stop trembling.

...

Mission stopped at the door leading to the cargo hold when she spotted me. I was sitting behind the "table" made of crates. Every morning we put them together, and use others as "chairs" and make a breakfast. Juhani had brought up the idea to pull us closer to each other, but according to Canderous certain crewmembers had been already too close. Carth had told him he was being idiot and Mission had giggled.

"You're going to eat with us today?" the Twi'lek smiled, heading to the synthesizer to get herself some food.

I nodded wordlessly. I was tired and not in a good mood.

"That's great. By the way, you look better than you did yesterday. Did you have a good night?" she asked when she sat down on Zaalbar's lap and took a mouthful of some fungus she'd bought on Manaan.

/Mission, I'm eating,/ the Wookie protested, but she just waved him away. "I'm not stopping you," she said with her mouth full. After she swallowed, she continued: "I didn't have good one. All night I kept waking up for no reason. And I wasn't probably the only one. When I went to the bathroom, I heard someone talking," she said and took another bit.

I didn't say anything.

"And I heard you taking a shower," Juhani looked at Mission.

The girl shook her head. "I wasn't having a shower."

"Do we have any plan?" Bastila asked all of sudden, looking at me with this strange gleam in her eyes. It made me wonder for a second if she knew and if that was the reason she suddenly changed the topic.

I nodded. "We'll land in Anchorhead."

"Why Anchorhead?" Juhani asked. "I mean, how can you be sure the star map is there?"

_Because __I__ know __it__'__s __there._"The Force has given us another clue. Mission's brother is working as miner for Czerka on Tatooine. And this city is the only place where this corporation has any wannabe mines," I shrugged.

"So who was having the shower?" Mission asked again, smiling. She was apparently determined to solve this mystery. "I want to know, because I have already had to wash in cold water and if someone's wasting the hot one in the middle of the night…" she didn't finish.

/It's not wasting. Maybe someone needed it,/ Zaalbar protested. /I remember Raven always takes shower after she wakes from her nightmares./

_Shit__…_

Mission's head turned to me. "Were you having bad dreams again?"

"No," I said silently. Unintentionally I hid my right hand between my knees even though I wore a long-sleeved shirt to hide the bruises. They'd gotten darker and more visible. Its shape was more than clear now; a large human's palm. _Human__'__s__…_ I shook my head.

"You sure?" Mission gave me a searching look.

"Yes," I growled feeling suddenly peeved. "I didn't have any dreams last night." I wasn't lying, it wasn't a dream.

"Because I remember you used to have them quite regularly when…"  
>"I didn't have any!" I screamed at her. "And I don't want to hear any fucking word about last night again!" I added and stood up abruptly. Without paying anyone a second glance I stormed out of the cargo hold. "Fuck you, Raenah!" I screamed when I walked down the corridor leading to the main hold.<p>

T3 chimed silently when I passed him by in quick strides, ignoring him completely, and moved out of my way.

I entered the cockpit and closed the door behind me. I sat down in the pilot's seat. Kicking my shoes off, I brought my legs up and hugged my knees with my arms.

"Adrianne?" a soft voice called me from behind the door.

"It's not locked," I informed Bastila. After a moment of quiet the door opened she walked in, stopping behind me. I could see her troubled reflection in the cockpit window.

"Was what that about?" she asked.

"What was what about?" I retorted.

"Don't you think you overreacted a little?" she asked in her usual lecture-voice and sat in the co-pilot's seat. "Adrianne I remember would never..."

"Adrianne you remember died on Malachor," I hissed and looked at her. "Only her shadow remains. A shadow named Revan if you must know."

"Revan? Or Darth Revan?"

I sighed and looked at my hand. "The former I hope," I said silently and rolled up my sleeve. I lifted the hand in the air for her to see it.

She frowned. "These look fresh. What happened? Does it have anything to do with what Mission was saying?" she concluded.

"Sort of. That's a result of my doing. Of my selfishness and greediness," I replied. "I've made a mistake once. And it's apparently coming to get me."

"Can I help?"

I shook my head. But then I nodded. "You could. Tell them," I looked at her with pleading eyes. "I can't stand lying to them. Tell them."

She took a slow breath. "About you? I had no idea how to tell you, let alone someone else."

"Just think of a way. And they need to know. Before we reach Korriban."

She nodded slowly. "Someone could recognize you there?" she asked, but didn't give me time to answer. "I take it as my punishment for taking part in all this."

"Nonsense," I shook my head firmly, waving my hand in the air. "I don't blame you. You saved my life back on Spark. And when you brought me to the Council, you told them to reason with me, not to...you know. But it was their decision and you had little say in it. All you could do was watching them brainwash me." I looked at the dark universe in front of the ship. "Do you remember it?"I asked softly. "I don't. I just remember the pain. And how they were trying to get into my head. I wished them to succeed. I wished them to finally get their answers and let me be."

"They said you were struggling. You were the one who hadn't allowed them to look into your knowledge and memories..." she whispered, frowning.

Slowly I turned my head to her. "Part of me was struggling," I said. "Heh, it seems part of me still wants the exact opposite than I do."

"_And__ this __part __still __answers __to __my __call.__" _ He was right and I knew it. When he touched me, part of me wished him to go on, it almost screamed at me to sleep with him, however the other resisted. But how long before I'd lose control again? How long before I let my blood get the upper hand? How long before I'd feel the urge to travel _there_ again?

"Who is Raenah?" Bastila asked carefully after a quiet.

My eyes found hers. "Raenah? I have no idea what you're talking about."

"I see," she answered and quirked her eyebrow. My eyes followed her when she slowly stood up and made her way to the exit of the room. She stopped in the doorframe. "If you happen to change your mind about that _not__ knowing _of yours, you know where to find me. And you should apologize to Mission."

...

There wasn't much to prepare after we landed on Tatooine. The crew was asking for our plan, but I was playing stupid and Bastila kept shrugging.

"We need to first find some information," she said. "We need to ask local citizens if they know something."

"Yeah," I nodded and fastened my lightsabers. I wasn't thinking I would need them anytime soon. It was just a precaution.

"So we'll be walking around the city?" Juhani asked and watched Carth giving instructions to T3. "Once we leave the ship, don't forget to lift the ramp. There are Jawas around and they like sneaking inside ships and stealing what's not screwed into the floor. Including astro droids."

T3 beeped loudly and his little form rocked from side to side in fear.

I smiled. "Don't frighten him." I came to him and rested my hand on his shoulder while looking down at the little droid. "He's exaggerating, T3, don't be afraid. They wouldn't do anything to you."

"Then you know nothing of Jawas," Carth replied and wrapped his hand around my waist. I caught Jolee's quick look as we made our way to the exit. He smiled when we walked past him.

The air was unpleasantly dry it was shimmering under the gaze of Tatooine's twin suns.

"It's hot here," Juhani said when she left the ship as well, followed by others.

"At least we'll tan," I smiled at the though.

Bastila shook her head. "We're not here for such entertainment," she said with raised eyebrows.

I rolled my eyes and turned to the Czerka worker who approached us, looking at a datapad in his hands. "Welcome on Tatooine, spacers," he greeted us with strained smile hinting he was bored to death. "Your ship is not on today's arrival list so I'd like to ask you to pay our one hundred credits fee."

Mission exhaled loudly. "What? A hundred credits? That's robbe...!" Jolee promptly stepped in and covered her mouth with his hand.

"We'll pay," Bastila nodded and came closer to the worker, already searching her pocket for credit chips.

"Yes, that's in order," he nodded after he received his payment. "I wish you nice stay." Within a heartbeat after he finished his sentence, he was standing in the shadow again, wiping sweat off his forehead.

"Pleasant guy," I murmured and let Carth's fingers intertwined with mine. "Let's get moving or else I'll melt right on this very spot."

"Yeah! We need to find the Czerka office to ask for my brother," Mission said with determination when Jolee let go of her, and crossed the hangar in quick pace.

"I thought we were trying to find the star map?" Juhani asked when we followed our blue Twi'lek.

"We are," Bastila nodded. "Or rather, we will be. Raven will be looking for Mission's brother."

"That's the plan," I nodded as we entered the city. It was alive and there were a lot of people on Anchorhead streets. The noise, omnipresent sand, smell, animals...these words could describe this place best.

"We'll split in groups. Raven, Mission, Zaalbar," Bastila took barely perceptible pause, "and Carth are to take care about Mission's family. The rest of us will search for information."

"Do you think people might know something?" Juhani asked, looking around at all the rounded buildings, citizens watching us from their shadows, and all kinds of animals walking through the streets.

"If we're lucky," she nodded. "Jolee?" she called the old Jedi and handed him my comlink. "Here, if there were any trouble. You and Canderous will go this way. I and Juhani that one," she pointed in mentioned directions.

Mission smirked. "It's nice you have connection, but it won't help you if anything happens."

Jolee nodded. "A voice of wisdom often comes from a child."

"I'm no child! I'm..."

"...fourteen, yes we know. Jolee," I looked at him, "don't make her angry. She's in our group and she'll be unbearable."

Mission snorted and turned her head away, apparently offended. But I still managed to see her smile before she did.

"Okay, gang, let's go. I expect to hear a report from both groups in two hours. And don't get into any mess," I warned them, before I motioned my group to move. Unfortunately, Czerka Corporation hadn't been here the last time I was in Anchorhead so I had no idea where to look for its office

/Do you know where we're going?/ Zaalbar asked when we slowly went through the city.

"Czerka," Mission answered instead of me. "They will tell me where my brother is."

"And they might know something about desert when they're mining out there," Carth added. "We could ask about the star map while we're there."

"Great idea," I nodded, frowning as I was watching Mission. Her expression changed from determinate to thoughtful and that was a never good sign when it came to teenagers. "Are you alright?" I asked her and touched her shoulder.

She gave me a smile. "Yeah, I just...I'm a little nervous, you know? I was thinking about what Lena said. And then I remembered some things from Taris and..." she sighed and shook her head firmly. "I need to talk to Griff."

Zaalbar immediately approached the young Twi'lek and pulled her into his furry tight embrace. I heard her mumble something when he did.

We had to ask for a way to Czerka office. It was close to hangar however, so we arrived there quite soon.

The office itself looked more of a shop than anything else; it even had a counter. And as we entered we witnessed an argument between ugly-looking Duros and dark-haired woman dressed in brown clothes typical for Tatooine.

/You have no right! Why wouldn't you simply talk to them first?/ the Duros was shouting, pointing a finger at the woman.

She was giving him a piercing look, but when she spoke, her voice was flat and calm, lacking any emotion. "I'm sorry, sir, but they are threatening our employees who work so hard in the desert. And not only that, last week we had one causality."

/They're only defending their territory./

"What's going on?" Carth asked and I only clicked my tongue discontentedly when he did. I knew they wouldn't tell us anything. But if we had kept our silence – the couple apparently hadn't even noticed us – we would have gained much more information.

"Nothing," the woman said – just as I thought she would. "This...gentleman is on his leave," she said firmly, looking at the Duros. He was glaring daggers at her, before he wordlessly left the room, bumping into Mission's shoulder on his way.

Zaalbar growled loudly and I and Carth only barely managed to catch him before he swooped on the Duros.

"It's okay, Zaalbar, it's okay," I patted his shoulder. I turned to the woman who was smiling at us as if the whole scene never occurred. "Greetings, strangers. As a spokesperson of Czerka Corporation I apologize for this scandalous affair. My name is Maria, how can I help you?" she asked with the sweetest voice and looked us from head to toe. Her eyes lingered for a moment on my lightsabers.

I took a breath to speak, but Mission made a step forward. "Where's my brother, Griff?" she blurted out.

Maria blinked confusedly, but within a heartbeat her forced smile was back on her face. "I'm sorry, I don't know who you are talking about, Miss."

"Where is..." Mission started to repeat her question impatiently, but Carth mimicked Jolee's action from before and put a hand over her mouth.

I gave an empty laugh. "Excuse her. We're looking for one of your miners. He's blue Twi'lek named Griff Vao," I explained and from the corner of my eye I saw Carth let go of Mission who immediately made step away from him, sending him an ugly look.

"Griff Vao, Griff Vao," she was muttering under her breath as she approached a computer installed in the counter. She was scanning through the files before she smiled. "Oh yes," she nodded and pointed her skinny finger at the screen. "He's indeed one of our workers," she only confirmed what we were telling her and came back to us. Still with the smile on she added: "He's been missing for two weeks unfortunately."

"What?" Mission cried out. "What do you mean he's been missing? You don't know where he is? What kind of organization would..."

"Mission!" I grasped both of her shoulders and made her look at me. "Stop it. Let me handle it," I whispered to her. "Come here, it's going to be alright. We'll find him."

"So...what exactly happened to him?" Carth asked, watching me hug the girl.

Maria, whose smile was quickly starting to annoy me, answered without hesitation. "His group was attacked by sand people. They took him prisoner. It's likely he's not alive anymore."

Mission sobbed into my shoulder. "No..." she whimpered.

I turned my head to the woman and stared at her incredulously. I gently disengaged from Mission's arms and beckoned Zaalbar to take care of her. "Take her out," I said to him before I faced the smiling woman again.

Carth's reaction was fast. Before I could actually let my emotions get the better of me, his hand firmly caught my raised arm and pinned it to my hip. "No," he said. His hands slid down my arm to my fisted hand. "Just talking, no hitting."

"Bitch," I muttered under my breath and turned around, combing my hair with my fingers. I clenched my teeth and closed my eyes as I fought to regain control of myself, of _his_ blood which was now boiling in my veins, begging me to strike her right where she stood. _Damned__ you, __Raenah._

"So...how exactly did it happen?" Carth asked.

"I've told you. His group was attacked, he failed to defend himself and they took him," she said sweetly, shrugging.

"And you let him rot in their village?" I growled, refusing to look at her for fear I'd lose control again.

"We're not soldiers," Maria said simply.

"And if you know about the attacks, why do you send them to the desert without some armed escort?" I continued.

"Our workers are armed. They have the means to defend themselves."

"And have they ever fired from those guns?" I shot back, finally looking at her. "Do they have any training? Or did you give them the weapons to simply shut their mouths?"

"We can't do anything else for them. We don't have money for some bodyguards."

"Oh? And why stay here when your business's not profitable?"

"We...are only following our orders," she answered hesitantly and even forgot to sustain that stupid smile on her face for a moment.

I shook my head. "That's useless. Where do the sand people have their village?" I asked.

"Village?" she repeated.

"Where do they live?" I hissed. Carth laid a hand on my shoulder, squeezing gently.

"Why do you want to know?"

_"__Because __out__ there__'__s __a __person__ who__'__s __dying __to __know __what __happened __to __her __brother __and__ going __to__ the __village__ on __our __own __is __apparently __the __only __way __how__ to __find __out,__" _ was what I wanted to say. "Because right now," I started in a low voice, "I have a mood to kill somebody. Unless you want to be the one dying a horrible, painful and slow death, you will tell me where to find them." She made step back and I noticed Carth's hand was no longer resting on my shoulder. "Did I make myself clear?" I added with the same smile which only moments ago she had on her face.

"But you need our licence to get out of the city," she said silently, her fear apparent.

I chuckled. "It seems I wasn't all that clear. Listen to me, my dear. When I want something, whatever it is, I'm accustomed to get it without people defying my orders. And believe I've killed for less," I said in the sweetest voice I could muster and stretched my hand forward.

When we left the office, Carth's hand grasped my elbow and he dragged me to the side, away from Mission and Zaalbar. "What the hell was that?" he growled.

"It worked," I said curtly and showed him the licence as a proof.

"That's...Raven! That wasn't a way to deal with her. You were...and you wanted to hit her!"

"That's what I wanted," I nodded. "Because that's exactly what she did to Mission. Only she used words."

"You don't get me, don't you?" he shook his head. "This mission is apparently too much for you. Can't you see how much you've changed since Taris? You would have never used such a method to get things your way before."

I frowned. "If you don't like it, go away. Go back to the ship. I'm not holding you here."

He looked at mi in surprise. "You don't mean it."

"Of course I do. I don't need anyone who's def…" I stopped myself.

_"__I__ don__'__t __need __anyone __who__'__s __defying __me,__" __I __growled __at __Alek__'__s __pitiful __form__ lying __on __the __floor. __His __hands __were __helplessly __clenching __to __what __used __to __be __a __functional __human __jaw __just __seconds __ago. __I__ watched __the __blood __running__ through__ his __fingers __and __I__ felt __nothing. __I__ looked __around, __at __all __the s__tunn __faces, __at __the __shock __and __fear __written __all __over __them.__ "__Has __anyone __heard __me __giving __the __orders __to __split __the__ fleet? __Has __anyone __heard __me __commanding __you __to__ invade __Republic __space? __To__ attack__ one __of __their __planets?__" __No__ one __dared __to __speak.__ "__No!__The__ order __was __to__ stay __on__ Korriban__'__s __orbit!__"_

_ Slowly, I raised my hand and pointed at my former friend. "Remember this. Everyone, remember this moment, for this is how you all will end if you dare to disobey me ever again, no matter your intentions." I knelt to Alek. "So do you know?" I repeated silently. "I had family down there. And now they're dead. And because of that, I'm going to make your life a hell," I said sweetly and added out loud: "Take him to the infirmary. Tell the medics if he dies, they're next."_

"If that's what you want," he said coldly. He wanted to turn away, but I cupped his cheeks and before he could protest I kissed him on his lips. "I didn't mean it," I whispered. "I don't know what came over me, but I'd never…I mean I…I love you." I kissed him lightly once more, before I pushed him away and headed to Mission, breathing deeply.

_"__I __don__'__t __know __what __came__ over __me.__"_ The last time I could honestly say this was on Kashyyyk when I snapped at Bastila after she accepted Chuundar's quest. But now I was lying. I knew very well what was wrong with me and that was scaring me.

I knelt down to Mission. "Don't worry," I touched her shoulder. She had dried traces of tears on her cheeks when she looked at me. "He's alright. And we'll get him back. All we need is to get someone who can speak Tuskan. I think we should look in droid stores," I suggested when Carth joined my side wordlessly.

* * *

><p>I know it took me longer than usual, I had incredibly busy weekend and I had no time to finish this chapter. Thank you all for reading and leave any comment if you want :)<p> 


	20. Storm

Disclaimer: Kotor doesn't belong to me, only Ravie does

* * *

><p>Anchorhead wasn't that large city. Because of the Tusken village it was walled in, but except for that it was typical Tatooine city, calm and busy at once. Strangers were coming in and out and local people were looking at them with suspicion as they walked down the streets. Nevertheless they never hesitated to call them to their stand in a hope they'd buy some of their goods.<p>

"What if we find no protocolar droid?" Mission asked when we left yet another store with no success.

"There has to be some," I insisted, frowning and looking around. We entered the small square at the very end of the city. There was a large gate guarded by one man dressed in yellow and green uniform. I watched a Rodian approach him and the Czerka worker asked him to show him his hunting licence before he let him leave the city.

"There's one droid store over there," Carth pointed to the other side of the square.

"How many of these are there anyway?" I asked when Mission started running to it. "That's probably twentieth we've visited today."

/And the last from the look of it,/ Zaalbar commented. And he was probably right. We'd searched this city trough and trough. We had even caught a glimpse of Bastila's group. She and Juhani had entered some local cantina and probably hadn't noticed us. For some reason, Bastila had seemed to be anxious and our bond had confirmed my feelings.

Mission waited until we caught up on her before she entered the store. It was dark and dirty, just like all the previous ones. Its owner, some Ithorian, was sleeping in a chair behind the door, snoring loudly. One of his hands rested on his legs, the other was hanging in the air, pointing at a datapad lying on the floor at his feet.

Mission immediately disappeared between large shelves full of spare parts and covered in dust.

"I'll make sure she doesn't break anything," I volunteered and left Carth and Zaalbar with the sleeping Ithorian.

I was watching the goods while looking for Mission; the parts were old and didn't seem like they had been taken good care of. From one of the shelves a separated head of astro droid was looking at me and I didn't fail to notice the hole left by a laser beam. I shook my head and went on.

There were a lot of droids standing in the narrow aisles, but they were either shut off, which meant we couldn't ask them about their programming, or even missing some parts.

It was better at the back of the store where I found Mission. The droids here seemed to be alright, just dirty. "I asked them if they can speak Tusken," she said with disappointment in her voice when she looked at me. "None of them can," she added and hung her head.

"Oh my," I exhaled slowly when I noticed one outstanding droid among the scrap. He was tall with large head, broad shoulders, thin torso, strong arms and legs. His eyes were dark, but his body wasn't covered in so much dirt like the rest of the droids that were now looking at us curiously.

"Where are you going?" The Twi'lek asked when I rushed between the shelves back to the front part of the store. Carth and Zaalbar had woken the Ithorian up.

"How much for the rusty droid?" I blurted out, never minding I stepped in their conversation.

/What?/ the Ithorian asked slowly.

Carth took a breath to speak, but I didn't let him. "The one in the back. The newest one in your...collection. How much for it?"

Ithorian moved his head slowly up and down before he said: /Would you be interested in the purchase?/ He was trying to hide it, but his voice was incredulous. /Then let me.../

"Wait a minute," Carth stopped the Ithorian from continuing. "What droid?" he looked at me.

"Droid. And trust me, I _know_ he will be of a great help and not only with our travel to Tusken village," I said only and turned back to the Ithorian. "The price?"

/Five thousand./

"Outrageous. Lower it." I said curtly, tugging my hands behind my belt. The Ithorian's eyes followed my movement and focused for a moment on my lightsabers.

/Four thousand, but not a credit less./

"Two," I said simply and cocked my head to side. "It looks rather old and neglected."

It seemed the Ithorian was much more desperate about selling it than I first thought. /I want to see the money first./

Carth reached into his pocket while I already turned around and went back to the droid. Mission wasn't there any longer, which I welcomed. "Hello, HK-47. My name's Revan," I said and watched the droid come to life again. His eyes started shining and he straightened, looking at me.

"Exclamation: Master! Oh, Master! I'm so glad to see you well and alive after that little..." he turned his head from side to side, observing our surroundings, "...incident with the meatback." His hands made a movement as if to hold an invisible rifle, but then they fell to his sides with a silent creak. He'd been indeed neglected.

I snickered. "Yeah, what a troublesome meatback. How was he treating you in my absence?"

His eyes blazed with a bright shade of orange. "Exclamation: Master, the meatback got rid of me in the most dreadful way!"

"Of you and me both, HK. But don't worry. His days are already numbered. We're going to kick his ass."

"Statement: A harsh and violent decision, Master. I approve. It is a distinct pleasure to see you again."

"It's good to have you back too, HK," I smiled and patted the droid's shoulder. I made a face when I looked at my dirty palm afterwards.

"Commentary: Should I kill the little meatback who..."

"No, HK, that won't be necessary," I shook my head and looked back over my shoulder after a sound of someone approaching, rubbing my hand against my shoulders to clean it.

"Is this the droid?" Carth asked and stopped beside me. He paid HK a suspicious look. "He doesn't look like a protocolar droid," he commented, his eyes running over the rest of the droids. True, when I had built him I adjusted his appearance to his main function.

"He is," I claimed and looked at HK. "Can you speak Tusken?"

His head moved in fast movement from me, to Mission, Zaalbar to Carth and back to me. "Statement: Of course, Master. Apart from my primary function I was programmed to be a versatile protocol droid as you yours..."

My eyes widened and I quickly interrupted him before he could finish his sentence. "See?" I looked at Carth.

"Primary function?" Carth repeated. "What is your primary function?"

I bit my lip and looked away when HK proudly said: "Disclosure: I am very efficient in combat. I am capable of eliminating a very specific type of targets."

I was totally expecting the look Carth gave me. "An assassin?" he asked slowly.

"With the kind of problems we're getting ourselves into his skills might come in handy," I stated curtly. "For example, if we had had him on Kashyyyk no Wookies would have ever managed to kidnap Mission and Zaalbar," I added, putting my hands on my hips.

"If we had had him on Kashyyyk you would have had him coming along with us," he shot back immediately.

Mission snickered. "He has you there."

"I know," I whispered to her, which brought a smile on Carth's face. "You're right, but that's not the point. You've already paid for him. He's ours."

"We can always get refund."

I frowned. "He's coming with us, Carth. End of discussion. HK, follow me," I said and headed to the exit.

...

I'd never felt so vulnerable before. I felt naked and helpless.

When we headed out to the desert we had absolutely no idea how to find the village of Sand People. We met a group of miners and some hunter who had this way of speaking to me that I had to keep Carth from knocking out his teeth. And then we were lucky to encounter a small party of Tuskens.

There was when HK stepped in. Under my order he told them we didn't want any fighting and would have been rather to solve the matters peacefully. As a proof I unfastened both my lightsabers from my belt and threw them few steps away from me, to show them I meant it.

Stupid me...

Anyway, it convinced them. They confiscated all the remaining guns in our party and bid us to go, directing us to the village…and left my lightsabers lying in the sand.

"They keep talking," Mission shivered beside me and I put a comforting hand on her back.

"As long as you don't think what about, you're fine," I murmured. I tried not to panic, after all I could defend myself even without my lightsabers, but the thought of not having them still made me restless. What if I wouldn't find the place where we met the group again? I doubted I could legally get parts to construct new ones here on Tatooine. And we didn't have that much money to buy them on a black market.

"But I'm thinking about it," Mission went on.

"Statement: I could always translate what they are saying, blue meatback," HK offered. He was walking few steps behind the rest of us, as he always did, so that he had the perfect awareness of our surroundings.

I shook my head. "But I don't want to know." I bent my head to look at my feet sinking into the hot sand. My shoes were full of it and it made them much heavier, making it difficult to walk, not to mention uncomfortable.

The Tusken at my right croaked something loudly and pointed in front of us. As soon as we climbed the sand dune we could finally see their village. And when we got closer, we noticed several turrets placed at its gate.

We walked behind our escort and I tried my best to ignore the other Sand People who were leaving their tents and canvases just to look at us.

"What are they talking about?" I asked finally, when I couldn't stand it anymore.

"Translation: Who are they? What are they doing here? Maybe they're prisoners. We already have one. The more prisoners, the more executions. That..."

"Enough," I stopped HK and looked at Mission from the corner of my eyes. She was looking at her feet, frowning. "At least Griff's still alive," she said and looked at me, sending me an uncertain smile.

"Statement: One word, Master, and I will eliminate them all," he offered, looking at me with his intense, orange eyes.

Mission snickered. "Without your rifle?"

That wasn't a problem to him. "Observation: After we entered their village, they're wariness of us decreased significantly. Statement: A quick action and we could retrieve our guns in no time."

I smiled despite myself. "No, HK, I want to live."

"Statement: You've already survived your own death, Master."

Carth looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

"HK, shut up," I said simply.

Our escort stopped finally, motioning us to enter to the largest tent right in the middle of the village. Obediently, I was the first one who went in. I thought the fabric roof would be an indescribable relief after the march across the sunny desert, but alas the tent was full of hot air and some strong aromatic smoke which only made my head ache.

There was a men dressed in typical ragged clothes of Sand People, sitting on the floor with his large gaffi stick beside him. Several small women were surrounding him, but when we entered, they shrank away. They were looking at from behind their chieftain.

As we entered, chieftain's guards pointed their sticks at us. I noticed there was dried blood on them.

I felt someone touch me; Mission pressed herself to my side, clutching to my hand. She was looking at the guards and I could feel her fear. I understood her; I wasn't feeling confident either. Without weapons, outmatched...

I gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. No matter how strong my feelings were, I couldn't let anyone know it. That was something I'd learned in the war. _As __long__ as __its__ leader __remains__ strong,__ so __does __the __unit, _I thought, watching the chieftain rise slowly. Then he began hollering something to those who led us here; they had followed us in.

"HK?" I called softly. "What are they talking about?"

HK made few of his typical swift movement with his head, before answering. "Translation: The chieftain wants to know why they have led us here. His minion told him our story."

I nodded slightly. I realized the chieftain was now looking at us. I wanted to make a step forward, but the bloody stick from one of his guards aiming at my neck stopped me immediately. My hand flew up, touching the sun-warmed torso of my droid who promptly rushed in to protect me unnecessarily. "HK, tell the chieftain we're here to negotiate."

After a moment of hesitation, HK obeyed my order. With anticipation running through my body I watched how Tuskens begun to talk to each other, turning around to look at us and pointing at us. It was the chieftain however who had the last word.

"HK?" I bid the droid to speak.

"Translation: Why would we negotiate with you? Query: Master, wouldn't it be better if I killed them right away?"

"It wouldn't," I said calmly, my eyes still focused on the chieftain. "Tell him there was enough bloodshed on both sides. As a member of the Jedi order I came to seek a peaceful solution."

HK turned his head from side to side quickly and complied my command. After he fell quiet again, one of the guards started shrieking and waving his hand in the air. Mission tightened her grip on my hand. The chieftain snapped at his minion and soon he was again talking to us.

I paid HK an uncertain look. "Eh, translate only what the chieftain said."

"Translation: No one's throat will be slit until I say so. What exactly do you seek, Jedi?"

Mission gulped. "He didn't mean what he said about the throats, did he?" she asked slowly. I only stroked her cheek lightly. "Don't worry, we'll be fine," I whispered to her, before I turned to the chieftain again. "We'd like you to stop the attacks on Czerka miners and to release one of your prisoners you captured two weeks ago." Just as HK finished translating the Sand People started talking loudly again. This time I ordered HK not to translate anything. I wasn't interested in anything they were saying. Again, last one to speak was the chieftain and to my relief his voice wasn't as angry as those of his people. And according to the length of his speech I assumed he was placing his demands. And if it was indeed the case it was a good sign.

"HK? Give us a short version of what he said," I told my droid.

"Translation: The chieftain was explaining to you how Czerka miners are trespassing more and more into their territory. His tribe is only trying to defend it. He would like to move this village further from the Anchorhead and the fights, but they would first need moister vaporator in order to actually survive the travel. He wants us to get him some. Observation: Master, I think it's now the best time to attack."

"No, it's not. Tell him we'll get him the vaporator."

He didn't believe us. None of them believed us. I could feel it. And HK only confirmed my suspicion. "Translation: He lets you go, but doubts he will ever see you again," the droid translated what was the last thing chieftain said, before we were escorted from the village. Outside they returned us our weapons and I asked HK what they were talking about when they did.

"Translation: They don't think returning us our guns is wise. If it was up to them they would have never let us go in the first place."

Carth snorted while checking his blaster. "We know. The more prisoners, the more executions."

"You're not funny," Mission poked him in the back.

/Are we to go the whole journey to the city and back?/ Zaalbar asked and looked up at the twin suns. As soon as they blazed him in the eyes, he bent his head again.

"Apparently," I nodded. I shot an envious glance to my friends who were hiding their blasters in their holsters. For a lack of anything better to do with them, I stuck my hands in my pockets.

/And where do we plan to find the vaporator?/ Zaalbar asked again.

"HK?" I looked at him for a recommendation.

"Statement: All my time here I spent in that stinky shop, Master. But if you want I could put the screw on the wannabe mechanic meatback and get the information out of him," he added in hateful voice.

I smiled. "Let's call it a plan B, HK."

"Why don't we ask Czerka?" Carth suggested. "It's in their interest to stop the attacks. Let them take care."

"Fantastic idea," I nodded thoughtfully.

...

"Translation: He didn't believe us to return. But he's pleased we kept our promise."

I smiled and looked at the chieftain. He left his place at the end of the tent and came closer to me. "Of course we did. We gave you our word after all. Just like you gave your word to us," I reminded him.

The chieftain, after HK translated what I'd said, nodded to one of his minions who immediately left the tent. By the time the chieftain crossed the tent and was now standing right in front of me. His voice was quiet when he spoke this time.

"Translation: I'll release the prisoner just as you requested."

I looked at Mission, smiling. "Go. Your brother awaits you."

She gave me a quick, but tight hug. "Thank you, Raven. I will never forget that," she whispered and let go of me, calling Zaalbar to follow her before she disappeared out of the tent too.

"I assume," I turned back to the chieftain, "the attacks will stop as well."

"Translation: They will. Our village owes you much, human, and for that I would like to give you something."

He beckoned to one of his guards again and the Tusken brought him something small and square, wrapped in dirty old fabric. When he handed me the package, he said something in a soft voice I'd never heard from him before.

"HK?"

"Translation: We found it in the desert several years ago. You'll make better use of it then us."

Slowly I pushed the cloth away, revealing…"That's my datapad!" I gasped when the old, dusty device slipped out of the fabric.

"What?" Carth reacted, looking over my shoulder.

"I mean…it looks like mine," I corrected myself. My fingers touched the datapad's screen, leaving bright marks in the dust. I looked up at the chieftain and gave him a broad smile. "HK, tell him he has my thanks."

When he did, the chieftain surprised me when he laid his heavy hand on my shoulder. But whatever he wanted to say, he never had the chance. The canvas behind us moved and one of the Tuskens stormed in, pointing outside, croaking something.

"HK?"

"Translation: He's informing chieftain about some sand storm."

"A sand storm?" I repeated and ran out of the tent, looking at the dark sky. "No, no, no, no, no!" I screamed and combed my hair with my fingers.

"I wouldn't be so desperate about it," Carth appeared by my side. "If we leave now, we might still make it to the city unharmed."

I whirled around to face him. "Who cares about the city? My lightsabers are out there and the storm will bury them under tons of sand!" I exclaimed, pointing my finger to the sky.

He chuckled and put a hand around my waist. "You'll make yourself new ones."

"Here?" I asked. "I don't have parts for their construction."

"We'll think of it later. We need to go now."

"How do you want to outrun the wind, Carth?"

He turned his head back to the tent. Wordlessly, he looked back at me.

"I doubt it. But asking never hurts," I shrugged and disengaged from him. I headed back to the canvas.

...

"How is she?"

"Sleeping. But she was really...upset," I sighed and sat on the blanket spread on the sand floor. It was a nice gesture of the chieftain although it wasn't much helpful; it was full of sand too. "If this Griff ever gets into my hands, I will crush his neck, I swear."

"You won't," Carth said silently and put his hand around my shoulders. It was already too dark to see his expression, with both the storm raging around us and the incoming night. Not to mention there was no light in the small tent we were given for tonight. "You'll see, tomorrow she will be her usual light-hearted self."

"I know. Do you think Griff made it to the city?"

He chuckled silently. "Why? Are you afraid the storm killed him and therefore you won't have the chance to do it yourself?"

"The thought is rather disturbing," I nodded, smiling. "But now I was interested in it because of Mission. In spite of the fact he was the one who abandoned her on Taris, she still wants to speak to him tomorrow," I shook my head. "I don't get it. She was just a kid, when he left her. He lied to her as well, probably more than once. She was angry, yes, but she's apparently willing to give him a second chance..." I went on, but that stopped me. Who was I to deny someone their second chance?

Fortunately Carth didn't notice my abrupt stop. "We don't know him the way she does. Maybe he's not all that bad," he shrugged.

Feeling guilty, I decided to change the topic. "What's wrong with HK?" I asked and looked at the droid. He was sitting on the floor at the tent's entrance as if guarding it. But he wasn't moving and - which struck me only now - he hadn't even greeted me when I'd entered.

"I shut him off."

"You…" I laughed. "He's going to hate you."

He smiled too, but it didn't reach his eyes. "So be it. I just wanted to be alone with you for a while."

"Oh," I whispered almost soundlessly. "Why?"

"Did you mean it? What you said earlier?" he asked softly.

Slight smile appeared on my face. "I did. As foolish as it is, I did."

"Foolish? Why? Raven, I lo…" In a swift movement I turned to him and clasped my hand over his mouth. "No! Don't say it."

Carth paid me a confused look, but I didn't let him speak. I looked in front of myself and took a slow breath. "You've asked me about how I've changed. The truth is I've changed because I remember now. I remember my life as it was before the accident. I remember everything. My family, my childhood…everything. After a year I finally know who I am," I started. I wasn't ready to tell him the whole truth now, but he deserved at least some explanation. He needed to know his feelings for me weren't right.

From the corner of my eye I saw him frowning. And I knew what he was thinking. "I'm not angry because you didn't tell me about Morgana. Thought it was a little crazy to find out you're my brother-in-law," I chuckled. "I always knew Morry had taste."

A mild smile appeared on his face. "Yeah. Ana, she was…" he broke off, probably not knowing what to say.

"…so kind. Do you know how she used to call me? Ravie. And Addie after that. And she always wanted to protect me."

"Addie?" he repeated. "How do you make Addie out of Raven?"

I exhaled slowly and looked at my lap where I had my hands joined. "I've told you I hate the name. Do you know why?"

"No idea."

"You knew my sister. And my mother. And Cedric. They are all blonde," I started, my voice hollow. It was the same kind of emptiness Bastila always used when she felt strong emotions and was trying her best to conceal it. I was now doing the same. I wanted to pretend my past didn't affect me, but when I thought back to it, I felt like a little girl again.

"But what does it have to do with why you…hate…oh…." He fell silence when the realization hit him.

"Exactly," I nodded, smiling humourlessly at the memory. "I didn't understand it as a kid. I didn't know why he never spoke to me. Never as much as looked at me. Why he always preferred Morgana to me," I paused for a moment. "Or why he tried to kill me."

Carth's head snapped to me immediately, his eyes widened. "What?"

"He's never told you, huh? I can imagine what it would do to his career as a senator when the press would find out he threw a helpless five-years-old kid down the stairs," I whispered for fear my voice would tremble if I got any louder. Carth had to lean closer to hear me over the whistling wind outside. I stood up slowly and went to the other side of the tent. On the wooden mat there was a dirty jug with fresh water, which was the best thing I needed for my suddenly dry throat. My hands caressed the cold, rough material before they took it and brought to my lips. I was enjoying the cool touch of the water, listening to the raging of the storm, as I slowly drank.

"Is that why you ran?" he asked, and when I didn't move or say anything he added: "I'm sorry."

In a slow motion I set the jug back on the mat. "Every cloud has its silver lining, Carth. I met Buddy," I smiled, still facing the canvas. I refused to turn around because I knew I was slowly losing my inner struggle. "He was like a family to me. He wasn't a good person, he was a pirate. A criminal. A kidnapper. But I loved him anyway. I was happy on Ankara. Everyone loved me there. Even Monkey."

"Monkey?"

"Mechanic," I explained. "His nickname. He was cold to me, but I know cared for me. But it was all too good to last. The ship was caught and the crew arrested."

The storm seemed to be getting stronger.

"And you?" Carth asked after a quiet. "What happened to you?"

"I was six. They sent me away," I said slowly. "To learn, to be taught. I hated it back there. I missed Buddy."

"Why didn't they send you back to Telos?"

I smiled, hoping if I keep smiling I'd convince myself I was okay and stopped feeling so down. "Buddy told them my parents had died. I was glad. I never wanted to return, I was too afraid. I was six!" I turned around to face him finally. He was on his foot too, looking at me with a dark expression. "They wouldn't allow me to see them anyway," I shrugged.

"Why?" Carth asked in confusion. I didn't answer him, I only hung my head. If I started with this topic now, it would lead to even bigger storm, than what was raging outside. So I simply ignored his question. "I was good," I said silently. "Hell, I was one of their most promising students they had in decades. Thousands of people would kill to be in my position, but I didn't value it. And I screwed it!" I was almost shouting now, cutting the air with my hand. "I totally, royally fuck it all up in every way possible," I broke off. I took a ragged breath and closed my eyes to hide my tears when I finally gave up fighting with myself. I turned away from him again. "And now it's too late. But I wish I could take it all back. I wish I could bring her back. I failed her, Carth, it's my fault." I felt his hands touch my shoulders as hot tears were streaming down my cheeks. "I should have seen it coming. I should have known what he was up to. Bud I didn't mean. I wanted to save them and I doomed them instead."

"Beautiful, come on, you're speaking nonsense," Carth whispered behind me and his hands turned me around. Gently he brought me to his chest and embraced me tightly. I buried my face in his shoulders and went obediently as he began to walk back to the blanket.

I let him cradle me in his lap as we sat down and rock me from side to side gently. His lips were pressed into my hair, whispering softly. I didn't understand him, but his mere presence was calming me down. It felt so good to be in his arms, even if it was wrong.

"I love you," I whispered. "Whatever happens remember this. And that I would never hurt Morgana. Whatever happens…"

"Raven, what…"

"I'm sorry," I said when I pulled away from him, looking at his chest. "I've damped your t-shirt," I added and looked him in the eyes. I found them smiling at me, shining with a strange gleam. I smiled too. "I..."

His hands hesitantly cupped both my cheeks, wiping the tears off my face with his thumbs. "I love you, Raven."

My heart stopped beating at my chest when the silent words left his lips. "You don't know what you're talking about," I whispered. His hands ran down my neck, caressing my shoulders and arms. "You're playing with a fire, Carth," I said, my eyes never leaving his.

"I know," he said, smirking. "You're pretty hot."

"Aren't you afraid of getting burnt?" I asked. I wanted this, I knew it, and I always got what I wanted. But unlike him, I was ready to face the consequences. He didn't know the truth and I was scared to think how he would look at me after he would know. Would he ever speak to me again? Would he ever touch my hand or merely look at me again?

He closed the distance between us, giving me the softest of kisses. "I trust you," he whispered before he captured my lips again, fervently this time. Impatiently, his fingers were playing with the hem of my shirt as I straddled his lap. Our clothes were soon lying in the dust and sand, forgotten, needless. No other word passed between us, what needed to be said was said by our bodies and eyes.

The storm was going on and on, drowning the sounds of our voices, and just as it neared to its end, somewhere deep inside I knew so was I and Carth.

We were not meant to stay in each other's arms forever, and no stolen moments could change that. And once he'd know the truth…

Once again I let my selfishness get things much more complicated.

* * *

><p>To be continued. Thanks everyone for reading and don't forget to click the button review below :3<p> 


	21. Reunions

Disclaimer: I don't own Kotor

* * *

><p><em>The<em>_ cave__ was__ dark__ and __cold, __the __exact __opposite __of __the __hot __desert __outside. __From __its __end __a __dim __light __was __coming, __casting __long __shadows__ of__ several __persons __who __were __standing __around __its __source. __I__ stopped; __the __steps __of __my __two __followers __fell __quiet __too._

_ "Something wrong, Bandon?" one of them whispered._

_ "She's not here," I answered and frowned._

_ "She is. The Jedi's over there, apparently looking for something on the ground," the other responded too. They didn't know. I was the only one Lord Malak entrusted with the truth._

_ Slow, cruel smirk spread over my face as I headed towards the group._

_ "Bandon…"_

I woke up to a familiar, unpleasant feeling spreading through my body. A disturbance in the Force, and that never was a good sign.

I felt a soft touch on my stomach. I smiled and snuggled up to Carth, taking a slow breath to savour his scent, before opening my eyes slowly. The air in the canvas was warm and I could see shadows of people casted on the fabric walls. The village was already up and from the sound of it it seemed to be in a hurry.

Carth stirred beside me. I sent him a sad smile, watching his calm face for awhile, before I put his hand carefully on the ground and stood up. I dressed quickly and headed out of the canvas.

Whatever the dream was supposed to mean, I better discussed it with Bastila as soon as possible. Especially when she was the one searching the cave. The cave where the star map was by the way.

The sun was burning even now in the morning. I crossed the narrow aisle between our tent and the one Mission and Zaalbar were sleeping in. It was just few steps, but last night it was enough for the storm to blow a lot of sand in my hair. I desperately needed a shower.

Even before I entered their tent, I could hear Zaalbar's loud snoring. But Mission was already up. She was pouring sand out of her shoes when I got in. She smiled at me broadly. "Hey," she whispered. "You look messy. Have you been sleeping badly?"

"Nope, just…shortly," I shrugged and tried to smooth out my dishevelled hair. "I was up for most of the night."

She nodded. "I know. The storm kept waking me up too," she said and put her now empty shoes on her slender legs.

"Yeah, definitely the storm. Anyway, how are you?" I asked, remembering how upset she was last night.

She sighed and shrugged, then shook her head. "I just want to talk to Griff again. Now I'm even surer about it than I was yesterday," she said after a silence. "Despite everything he's a family. And he will need my help. He can't keep living like that."

I smiled. "You're a noble soul, Mission. If I were you, I'd sent him to hell."

"You wouldn't. I know you," she said, sending me the brightest of smiles.

I dropped my eyes. _No,__ you __don__'__t__…_ I thought sadly and turned my face away from her so that she wouldn't see my expression, pretending I was looking around the tent. It was small, empty, and looked the same as ours.

"And what about you and Carth?" Mission added.

My eyes darted to her again. "What do you mean?"

She looked at me as if I'd gone mad. "Few days ago you were at each other's throats and now you managed to be in one small tent without killing each other. Have you two made up?" she asked with a sweet, innocent smile.

"We have," I nodded slowly, not really sure what to expect from her. Did she know what happened between us or was she simply curious?

"You don't sound all thrilled," Mission noticed. "Was he peevish again?"

"No, he was…" I broke off, "he was...it was great," I said finally, grinning stupidly.

For a second she kept looking at me with suspicion, but that melt away soon and was replaced by a broad smile. "It's good to see you two together. You're a fine couple."

"Thank you," I said softly. "That's…nice of you to say."

"Is he sleeping yet?" she suddenly changed her tone and raised her voice. "I want to get out of here. It's like an hour to the city and I'm hungry already," she stated and turned to Zaalbar. Unscrupulously she started shaking him gently to wake him.

Wordlessly I left their tent, hearing Zaalbar's unhappy growling, and headed back to wake Carth. He was already up when I entered. I smiled when I saw him putting on his T-shirt. "Morning."

"Morning, beautiful," he answered and before I knew it I was in his arms again. I caught myself with a genuine smile, which shouldn't be on my face. I enjoyed the light kisses he planted on my neck, just as I loved the way his hands were caressing the small of my back.

I didn't even realize I'd closed my eyes until he put his hands on my cheeks to make me open them and look at him. "Raven, last night was..."

"…amazing," I whispered instead of him. "And here I thought I could never be so happy again. Thank you for proving me wrong," I smiled. I tried to suppress the little prick of my conscience telling me I didn't deserve to be happy.

"Anytime, beautiful," he said, smirking. His hands slid down my body as he did.

I laughed and gently smacked his shoulder. "As much as I enjoy this, we need to go. There's something I...I mean...it's urgent we get back to the city."

He frowned slightly. "Another Jedi thing?" he asked, sounding serious again.

I nodded. "Sort of. Maybe. I don't know," I shrugged. He turned his face away at that, but I captured his cheek and kissed his lips softly. He used the opportunity and immediately deepened the kiss, pressing me against him tightly. And it wasn't until we heard Mission's voice when we broke apart. "Upsie! Sorry! I should have knocked," she gave us an apologetic smile. "I'll do it next time, I promise. Can we go now? I'm starving."

...

Both of the twin suns were already high up in the sky, burning intensively, when we finally had the city gate on sight. But that wasn't the only thing we saw. "What the…?" I murmured when I spotted two men standing not far from the gate.

"What is Canderous doing out here?" Mission asked in confusion. "How he got out of the city?" she added.

"The question is, why are they aiming at each other…" I said and quickened my pace. I was almost running when I reached the two men.

"…of this talk, Jagi!" Canderous was saying at the moment, lifting his own weapon. "Let us do what we came here to…"

"Canderous!" I screamed at him and literally jumped in front of the barrel of his gun. "What are you doing? Who is this guy?" I asked.

"Raven, that's not your business. Get out of my way," he said simply and made a step aside.

And so did I. "No, it is my business, when someone wants to duel my comrade." I turned to look at the other man. Tall, well-built with a stance of a warrior, he was looking at me gloweringly. "What is it, Canderous?" this Jagi growled. "Now woman must come in your defence?" he taunted.

"Shut up," I snapped at him before I turned to Canderous again. "So who is it?"

His eyes turned away, focused on others when they arrived, led by HK, who wanted to rush in, but I stopped him with a single move of my hand. His attention turned back to me. Slowly he let his weapon drop alongside his leg. "He was a warrior under my command up to the battle of Althir. But I thought…"

"You thought I was dead, didn't you!" Jagi screamed, taking a step towards me. "You thought all of us that you had sent on that attack had perished. You sent us to die in a foolish attack while you directed your focus elsewhere. You broke from the battle plan and let us die for it. So that you could have the honour of being the first to the enemy commander!" he was yelling frantically, still coming closer to me and Canderous.

I frowned and was ready to put him in the stasis if he dared to do anything stupid.

"Statement: One more step to Master and lose a limb or two, meatbag."

Despite myself, I had to smile, but I couldn't bring myself to tell HK to back off this time. "Is this true?" I asked Canderous when I managed to put serious face again, while still keeping an eye on Jagi.

Canderous hesitated. "I…I did what was prudent at the time. If I had not done it, the battle would have…"

"The battle would have been won anyway!" Jagi exclaimed, cutting him off. "I am tired of your excuses, Canderous. I have spent years tracking you down since the clans were banished, and I will not rest until I have had my vengeance! I challenge you, Canderous. I challenge you to fight the fight you fled that day above Althir." After his speech he lifted his gun again. Canderous did the same, but I simply put my hand on its barrel and lowered it slightly. "You need to calm down first."

"No," Jagi shook his head. "I need to do this. It has to be done. This can end only in death."

"You can't understand this, Raven," Canderous said. "This is a matter of honour. I cannot stand by this insult. I must do this. Step away."

"Can I?" I lifted my eyebrow. "I know more of your people than you presume. He slandered your honour, which is intolerable among the Mandalore. It's the same with the Sith. They kill for less actually."

"Sith?" Carth echoed silently.

"She knows a lot about them. She told us some of it on Manaan," Mission whispered to him.

Canderous nodded. "I'm impressed."

"Honour?" Jagi hissed. "When you saw prospects of glory, you abandoned the plan you were part of and left us to die surrounded by enemies. The death of my comrades, your warriors, is a debt in blood that can be only paid by you!"

"If I had not attacked when I did, the battle would not have been won so easily!" Canderous defended himself.

"It would still have been won! You sent your own men to die there, Canderous. I cannot forgive you for what you did to us! You will pay!"

"That's not the way it happened!"

"Than how?" I shouted loudly to make them stop arguing. "Why did you abandon them?"

"The Althiri were fighting hard. I saw a break in their defences that left their centre exposed. I had to take the chance. If I had not done what I did, many more warriors would have died and the battle would have taken much longer. I stand by my decision," he added and paid Jagi a scornful look.

"You coward! You glory hunter! You were given direct orders and were part of a plan! You had a responsibility to us!" Jagi was apparently losing his temper.

"You know, Jagi," I said. "What he did sounds like smart tactical move. I did…eh...I think Revan did it several times during the war too to defeat your people."

"Exclamation: And I will be forever proud of my Master."

"Shut up, HK," I said without even actually thinking about it. I spotted Mission turned to the droid. "You're pretty twisted, you know that?"

I didn't hear what HK responded, because I focused my attention back on Jagi. He still stood his ground, but not so firmly as before; he hesitated for a second. "He left us to die when his responsibility was to us. Instead he went hunting more glory for himself." He wasn't screaming anymore.

"He may have saved other lives by doing what he did," I opposed him.

Finally, he bent his head in defeat, looking at the weapon at his hands. "He cost us ours," he said quietly. "But…but I do see your point…but…" he looked up again, eyes focused on Canderous. "Why did you have to leave us there to die while you chased the glory somewhere else?

Seeing no imminent threat Canderous put the barrel of his repeater against his shoulder. "I saw a chance and had to take it. It ended the battle quicker than we would have otherwise, and many our warriors may have died. Mandalore taught us that opportunism and flexibility in battle were to be admired. You may contradict me, but do you contradict him as well?"

Jagi closed his eyes. "No! I…I…I see that I have been wrong. I have not been true to the teachings of Mandalore." I frowned as he was talking. I noticed his grip on his gun tightened. "You were right. I was wrong to question your honour. But I must now cleanse mine with my life.

"No!" I screamed, but before I could do anything, a loud shot rang through the air.

"And so it shall be," Canderous said as his limp, lifeless body crumpled on the sand, colouring it with blood.

"Observation: What a nice start of the day, Master. Query: What else do you have planned?"

"I didn't plan that," I said weakly, looking at the body.

"He killed himself," Mission whispered. "I've never seen anyone commit a suicide before."

Zaalbar put his large hands around her shoulders from behind, turning her away from the sight. /Let's get inside the city./

"You're right, let's go. I left the ramp open and the ship's empty," Canderous said behind me in a tone as if the whole scene never occurred.

I frowned. As soon as the words left his mouth a dark foretelling shot through my mind, but I couldn't point my finger at it.

"You left the ship open?" Mission asked. "Great, haven't you been listening to Carth? What about Jawas?"

"There's nothing valuable on that ship."

"How does it come the ship's empty? Where have they gone?" Carth asked the very question which was echoing through my mind.

I was talking in the head of our little "formation" so I only saw Canderous's large shadow shrug. "Somewhere in the desert. Bastila was talking about some cave."

I closed my eyes for a moment. "When did they leave?"

"About two hours ago."

"Hm…" I mused and bent my head. I was listening to my friends as they were chatting behind me. About nothing in particular, but it seemed important to them.

To me, however, was important to get to the ship.

...

Canderous did really leave the ramp down, but luckily everything in the ship seemed at its place. At least T3 was onboard.

"Where are you going?" Carth asked when I – after quick inspection of the ship – headed to the swoop bike hangar. He was apparently on his way from his quarters to the 'fresher, when he met me in the corridor. "During our way here you were complaining about the sand in your hair. The 'fresher is the other way," he smiled.

"I know, I'm just checking if there's still Davik's swoop bike in Hawk's hangar," I said, my voice hollow. "And once I'm done with what I need to do, how about we take a shower together…if you're interested?" I asked. My tone must have betrayed some of my restless thoughts. Carth frowned and turned his head slightly. "Are you alright?" he asked with a concern.

I smiled. "Yes, I am."

"You're not a good liar, have I told you that?"

"I believe you have."

"So what's wrong with you?"

_What__'__s__ wrong __with __me?,_ I asked myself, while looking at him wordlessly.

"Raven?"

"Adrianne," I corrected him. I sighed and bent my head, pressing my fingers to my eyes tiredly. "I know I must seem...I have a bad feeling, Carth. I need to...I need to make sure they're okay," I said silently.

"You want to go after them? Nonsense, you don't even know where they are. Besides, they're all Jedi, they can take care of themselves."

"The Force is whispering to me, Carth, and all I have to do is listen to it," I almost pleaded. I was surprised when his hand caressed my cheek lightly. "Don't you want to at least arm yourself?"

"I'll be safe, don't worry," I smiled. I took his hand and kissed it lightly. "I'll be right back," I promised, before heading to the hangar. Canderous, who was here taking care about his repeater at the workbench, looked at me curiously. "What are you doing here?"

"I need to take another trip into the desert. Could you help me with this beauty?" I pointed to the swoop bike.

Canderous shrugged. "Yeah," he nodded and went to open the hangar door for me. And before I knew it I was on my way to the Dune Sea.

It was amazing how I remembered the way. In no time I was there, on the place I had never thought I would see again. But now the cave felt different. Or maybe I had been different back then. Maybe it had been the dark side in me which had made me blind to the darkness I felt now.

My eyes fell on the three landspeeders standing near the entrance of the cave, probably belonging to Bandon and his two acolytes. I passed them by, walking more and more into the cave's shadow.

_Here they are__..._ I thought when I saw three persons, dressed in black light armour, standing not far from me. Bandon was at their head and now he started walking deeper inside.

"Bandon…" I said calmly. I watched him stop and tense a little when my words reached him. His two "friends" turned to look at me with confusion, but Bandon remained with his back to me. His palm was fisting and flexing again near the hilt of his double-bladed lightsaber. It seemed like he was bracing himself before he finally turned around.

"So this is the infamous Revan's real appearance," he said, barely moving his lips as they were twisted into a sick smile.

"Revan?" one of the two Sith whispered, taking a step back, but I ignored him. My eyes focused for a moment on the end of the cave. My friends were still studying the star map, completely oblivious to us being there. But somehow I couldn't decide whether it was a good thing or not. "Not what you expected?" I said eventually.

In slow strides he made his way to me. "How's your hand?" he asked when he stood just inches away from me, his cruel eyes boring into me, examining every part of my face.

I gave an empty laugh. "Oh! You remember our encounter back on the Endire Spire," I stated, lifting the mentioned hand in the air. "It's fine as you can see."

"She's unarmed…" one of the other Sith noticed.

Bandon frowned, his eyes flicked to my belt. "What game are you playing?" he asked and for a second he seemed to lose his hauteur. Was I making him nervous?

"None," I said simply. "I've lost my lightsabers. See? It's simple. And because of that, I will now need a new one," I added and waved the hand in the air. The two Sith standing by my side froze in mid-motion.

Bandon's own hand moved to his belt.

"Shit!" I hissed and dodged his lunge; the blade of his lightsaber missed my stomach by just few inches.

I whirled around one of Bandon's minions. I grasped his shoulder while using the other hand to steal his lightsaber before I shoved him in Bandon's way. The Sith only gasped as he ran up against the laser sword. Bandon kicked him away, but when he attacked me again I managed to parry his thrust easily.

"You know who I am!" I shouted at him when he made another futile attempt to strike me. "Aren't you afraid to fight me?"

"You're a mere shadow of the person you were!" he responded. "Which wasn't much even back then," he added and jumped out of my reach. He let his hand fall to his sides, but didn't deactivate his double-bladed lightsaber.

"What makes you think so?"

He smirked again; his yellow eyes were giving me an intense look. "Do you remember Telos? You showed Malak mercy that day. Any other would have killed him without hesitation."

"Being a Sith doesn't mean to be unnecessarily cruel, violent and blood-thirsty, Bandon. I was trying to teach you that."

"And that's exactly why you were so weak in my Master's eyes."

I shook my head, smiling despite myself. "No, Bandon. It wasn't about my weaknesses why he chose to kill me. He hated me, for when I showed him mercy I humiliated him. I let him bleed at my feet in everyone's plain sight. And when I let him live, I did everything in my power to make him wish I had killed him that day," I explained in a hollow voice.

Bandon didn't say anything at that. He was looking at me, gripping the hilt more tightly, but doing nothing.

"Why do you think Malak never had the courage to face me directly? Why he chose the simple way to get rid of me? He knew he would have never stood a chance against me in combat. Do you think you will? If you do, I'm going to prove you wrong. The dark side is never stronger," I added.

...

I was standing there, my head hung between my shoulders allowing the sun to burn my neck. My empty hands was fisted firmly to finally stop the shaking. The lightsaber was lying forgotten in the sand after it had fallen from my palm with his last words.

_"__You__ may __hide __behind __fancy __words, __but __you __can__'__t __change __who __you __are. __The __dark __side __is __flowing __in__ your __veins. __I__ don__'__t __know__ what __happened __out __there,__ but __it __changed __you.__"_

"Raven?" Bastila whispered softly. They had exited the cave during my duel with Bandon. They saw it all, but fortunately were too far away to hear him.

"_You can't be a Jedi. You never will be. You're a Sith, through and through. Sooner or later, it will consume you, Revan. It had already started the day you spared my Master. I thought you were weak, but now I see I was mistaken…"_

"Lass, are you alright?" Jolee spoke up too.

"I'm not a Sith," I whispered.

_I watched his arrogant smirk, the mockery in his eyes. I felt my hands shake in sudden desire to punch him, to wipe that sneer from his face._

"Of course you're not," Juhani joined the conversation too. "You're one of the best people I know."

"_...my…dark…Lady…Re..." His head slowly lowered into the sand and the gleam in his eyes extinguished. He was dead._

"He was lying," I said silently.

"He was," Jolee agreed. I heard the sand creak under someone's step and two dark-skinned hands took me by my arms gently. "The Sith lie, lass. You know it. Whatever it was he said, its aim was to hurt you, nothing more."

I nodded. "How about you? Are you alright?" I asked loudly.

"Yes," Juhani answered. "We've encountered no troubles on our way here."

"Are you alright?" I repeated my questions and turned around, looking over Jolee's shoulder at Bastila. I noticed she held a small square object, a holocron, in her hand.

"I am," she replied, sounding surprised. She didn't miss the direction of my look and hid her hand behind her back.

Jolee touched my arm again. "Then let's return to the ship. I don't know what about you, but I have enough of sun to last a lifetime."

I nodded and reached out with my hand, calling upon the Force to pull Bandon's lightsaber into my palm. I grasped it tightly and looked at it with a frown. _I__'__ve__ never __used __saberstaff __before. They say it's difficult to master this weapon.  
><em>

"Do you know how to ride this one?" Juhani asked Jolee and put her hand on one of the landspeeders.

"I know I spent twenty years on Kashyyyk, but that doesn't mean I'm primitive," he objected.

I fastened the lightsaber at my belt and went to Davik's swoop bike.

...

"So? What's the problem?" I asked and sat down on the cold floor beside Bastila.

She wasn't even trying to hide the holocron from me, like she did in the desert. "There is no problem, Adrianne."

"And I'm Darth Malak," I said. Slowly I reached out and tried to take the holocron from her hands, watching her face. It was completely emotionless hinting at the storm of feelings inside her which I felt through our bond.

"Can I look what's inside?" I asked and she simply nodded.

I turned the device in my hands few times before I switched it on. A hologram of young dark-haired girl was projected into the air. Her grey eyes were half-closed and she was smiling broadly, which showed that her two front teeth were missing. The green pyjamas she was wearing was far too large for her, but she didn't seem to mind.

I smiled. "That's you," I said silently. "How old were you?" I looked at her.

My smile soon froze on my lips at the look of her face. She looked sad and sorrowful. "I don't even remember," she said so quietly I had troubles understanding her.

I turned my eyes back to the holocron. I roamed through other holograms in it. Bastila was on each of them. The pictures were showing her doing completely ordinary things. When she was drawing she managed to get the paint all over her face. She liked snooping around the kitchen, looking for some sweets. And she apparently liked the bantha plushie, which was on most of the holograms and which looked older and older as she was growing up.

And there was another hologram. Bastila could be six, which was shortly before she was given to the Temple. But she wasn't alone in the picture. She was sitting on one young man's shoulders, who was smiling broadly too, looking up at his girl. Bastila's father was sunbathed and stubble on his chin. His eyes were of the same grey colour as Bastila's.

"That's your father?" I asked. "He's very…nice. And handsome," I added and tilted my head to one side, looking at the hologram.

"He was indeed," Bastila nodded.

I looked at her and realized this was the first time I ever saw her cry. Her eyes were closed, but she had traces of tears running down her cheeks. I put the device on the floor and moved to her, taking her in my arms gently, giving her time and space to push me away. But she didn't do it. She clung to me, her face buried in my shoulder. Her body was trembling and she was sobbing silently.

Honestly, I didn't know what to do. Bastila had always been calm and even-tempered. And now she was in my arms, weeping like a little girl we saw on those pictures.

"How did you find the holocron?" I asked after a while.

For a second or two she was still, but then she pushed away from me and used her sleeves to dry her eyes. "My mother told me," she said, her voice shaking.

I looked at her with wide eyes. "Helena? She's here?"

Bastila nodded. "She is. I talked to her in a cantina not far from here. She…" she took a slow breath," she claimed to be sick. And she wanted my father's holocron before she dies."

I didn't know what to say. I was staring at her wordlessly.

"But I won't give it to her," she added in such a cold tone it scared me. I'd never heard her use it before. "She doesn't deserve it. Father's dead because of her. Because she always wanted him to hunt those stupid treasures. That's why went to the den of the kryat dragon." What was scaring me now more than her voice, was her face; the hatred in her eyes.

"How can you know what she's coming through? Maybe she is dying and that's the only solace she seeks. Would you deny her it?"

She looked at me incredulously. "How can you say that? You of all people?"

"Me?" I wondered. "What do you mean?"

"If you were in my position and my mother was your father…" she didn't finish.

I frowned. "That's different, Bastila. You mother has never neglected you when you were a kid. She has never called you names, never threw away anything you gave her, never ignored you, and - most of all - never tried to kill you."

"But she gave me away. She gave me to the Order and cared nothing about what I wanted," she stood her ground.

I let my shoulder drop. "You know, Bastila, for a long time I used to hate Buddy. I can't even remember how many times I was screaming at Arren that I hated her, I hated Buddy, I hated the Order and everything they were trying to teach me. But after some time I realized they all had been right. If I hadn't gone to the Order, I would have ended in some orphanage. And would have become of me then?" I asked her. "Think about it. You told me you used to travel from system to system, hunting whatever legend your father heard. That's no life for a small child, Bastila."

When she didn't say anything, I continued. "She wanted the best for you. Just like Buddy wanted the best for me. It hurt, I know, and it still hurts. But you have to see they were right."

She dropped her eyes. They focused on the small device lying on the floor. "I've never thought about it this way."

I stood up slowly. "I can't tell you what to do. Just reconsider what I said." I headed to the door, but her soft voice stopped me. "Would you…would you come with me? I…I'm not sure if I…"

"But of course."

...

Bastila took me to the same cantina where I'd seen her the previous day. It appeared it was Helena's favourite. And just as other cantinas, this one was dark, crowded and one couldn't hear their own words over the loud music.

When we entered Bastila immediately headed through the crowd, making her way to a dark corner. Behind a small rounded table an old woman was sitting alone, drinking. She startled when Bastila put the holocron on the table with slightly more force than strictly necessary. "I want the truth," the young Jedi said, frowning. She kept the hand on the holocron however. "Why was my father out there hunting the dragon?" she asked.

Helena slowly rose to her feet, looking at her daughter and then at me, standing behind Bastila. Her weary eyes were focused on me for some time, looking me from head to toe, lingering for a moment on Bandon's lightsaber. "I see you brought another friend with you," she said weakly.

I studied her face when she took another sip of her drink. Her cheeks were hollow, eyes dark and her skin full of wrinkles. She was pale, just as Bastila was, and unhealthy skinny under her loose clothes. Her hands, which she put on the table in front of her, were shaking.

"Your father...he wanted to..."

"What?" Bastila hissed impatiently. I laid a hand on her shoulder.

"He wanted to pay for my treatments. He spent all his last year trying to get enough money and that's why he went for the pearls. I begged him not to, but..."

"Treatments," Bastila whispered.

"I'm dying, Bastila," Helena said and looked at her hands on the table. "I didn't lie about that. It's been a long time in the coming, and there's really nothing that can be done anymore.."

I leaned closer to Bastila. "She's speaking the truth. Just look at her."

But Helena didn't seem to hear me. With her eyes focused on her hands she went on: "I told your father to let me go, but you know how he was. Stubborn. Like you." Only then she looked up to her daughter.

Bastila looked back at me for a moment. "So now you claim you loved him?" she asked in emotionless voice. Yes, _that_ emotionless voice. "After all you put him through? Don't think I don't remember the fights. You were the one pushing him into hunting. You were the one who wanted to live in luxury and wealth."

She only shook her head. "If you truly remembered the fights, you'd know they were mostly about you."

"Me?" she asked, straightening, unintentionally letting go of the holocron finally.

"Your father loved you so much. He wanted you to be just like him. To take you on his hunts. But I said they were too dangerous," Helena explained.

I took a breath. "Treasure hunting is a dangerous occupation. Isn't is, Bastila?" I asked her and gave her the _I-told-you-so_ look.

Helena nodded, completely oblivious to what I was hinting at. "I always tried to keep him from the dangerous ones, but he would have none of it. We led a reckless life, Bastila, always moving. I didn't want that for you. You didn't deserve to live like that."

"So that's why you gave me to the Order?" the young Padawan asked, her voice trembling.

Helena nodded slowly. "It wasn't easy to let you go, but it was the best I and your father could do for you," she said and smiled sadly. "You were so gifted, Bastila."

"I...I'm…" Bastila hung her head. "I'm so sorry, mother. I...don't know what to say..."

With anticipation I watched the old woman come around the table and stop in front of her daughter. Slowly she took the holocron Bastila had left on the table and put it into her hands.

Bastila looked at the holocron in her palm with wide eyes, before she looked in her mother's face.

"Keep the holocron," Helena whispered, lifting her hand to touch Bastila's cheek lightly. "It would do me good to know you have it. This...talking to you...this is what I really needed before I..."

"I know..." Bastila didn't let her finish. "Thank you. I'm...I'm glad we talked, too."

"I know you told me yesterday you had an important business to take care of, but before you go, I'd like to know something. Yesterday you were cold and refused to let me explain anything. What has changed?"

Bastila simply looked at me and Helena followed her gaze. "You talked to my daughter?"

A ghost of a smile appeared on my face. "Sometimes all a person needs is being offered a different point of view."

"Thank you for that. It's good to know there's someone to watch Bastila. "

"And what about you?" Bastila asked, looking at Helena. "Where are you going?"

She smiled a sad smile and shook her head. "It doesn't matter, dear. Don't you worry about me."

Bastila took a step back and started searching her pockets. Finally she showed her mother several credit chips. "Here, take these credits. It's not much, but it's all I have. Go to Coruscant and find a doctor. I'll meet you there after... " she broke off, looking at me, "after what I have to do."

"But I already told you there's nothing that can..." Helena started, but Bastila cut her off. "Please, just take it. I...I want to see you again. When we can talk properly. There's so much we need to talk about."

Helena's forehead wrinkled slightly and she looked my way.

"She's stubborn. She won't let you go until you take the credits," I said simply, smiling.

That made the corners of her mouth perk up a little. "Just like her father," she whispered and sighed. "Alright, I will. Now...do what you have to do, Bastila. You go make you father and I proud. But, please, take care."

"I'll try. Farewell, mother."

My eyebrow quirked when Bastila closed the distance between her and Helena and embraced her warmly, resting her chin on her mother's shoulder. And this was the high time for me to get lost.

I waited for Bastila outside the cantina. "So do you feel better now?" I asked when she appeared by my side again.

Slowly, she smiled. "Yes. That brought me a lot of peace. More than I thought it would have," she added. "And I wouldn't manage it without you. Thank you for urging me towards it. After all my training, I would have thought it would have been easier. Apparently I still have much to learn."

I smiled and put a hand around her shoulder, leading her back to the hangar. "Lesson number one, the first line in the Jedi code is bullshit as you should know by now."

"I wouldn't use such strong word, Adrianne."

"The code is a lie. Does it sound better?"

She shook her head, smiling. "You're hopeless."

* * *

><p>End of chapter. I know, I know, took me ages to write it, sorry, no time :) Thanks for your patience (and it will be yet needed) and for reading this chapter. Reviews are always welcomed and appretiated.<p> 


	22. Something wicked this way come

Disclaimer: I do not own Kotor or any of the characters.

* * *

><p>„What are you doing here?" Bastila asked when she entered the main hold, sleep still apparent in her voice. "I thought you'd be in the cargo hold with Carth," she added. She hadn't approved of us making the cargo hold our new bedroom, but she had been kind enough to at least stay quiet about it. To be honest, I had been quite surprised at how she respected the fact we were <em>we<em>. I had been expecting her to give me a lecture about how all this would bring me to the dark side, but she hadn't made any comments so far.

I sighed. "I was," I murmured and pressed my fingers into my weary eyes. "I couldn't sleep. What about you?" I asked her and looked at her. She was in the loose tunic and trousers. Her hair was down and dishevelled, but it looked rather refreshing not to see her so prissy, reserved and Jedi-like as was her usual appearance.

"It's my cockpit duty," she shrugged.

I quirked and eyebrow. "It's called autopilot."

A slight smile started playing on the corner of her lips after that. "In few hours we're jumping out of hyperspace and this ship, as advance as she is, won't find the next hyperspace route on her own," she explained.

I hummed an understanding - which wasn't all that honest considering I couldn't grasp why she up already when she still had several hours - and focused again on the object in my hands. I had spent quite some time removing all the sand grains and polishing the screen of my old datapad, which had been quite grazed by the way, but when I had tried to turn it on in order to search trough my entries, I had failed unfortunately.

"What is it?" Bastila asked and moved closer to me, sitting on the seat beside me.

"My datapad. I had to lose it while searching for the star map on Tatooine for the first time," I answered with a shrug.

"Your datapad?" she repeated. "From the time you were…Darth Revan?" she finished after a short pause. Almost as if she was afraid to say it out loud. Was she worried this little datapad could bring all my memories back to me, including my old self?

I simply nodded. "Yes. I was hoping it could remind me why exactly I turned to the dark side, but…" I took a pause. "It requires a password, but I can't recall it. I've tried every password I ever used, but none worked," I signed. "Not even T3 managed to get inside, claiming it's protected by some sort of a virus or something," I waved my hand.

That drew Bastila's attention, her cockpit duty forgotten. She frowned and looked at the little device in my hands. "It must contain something of a great value that you've made so many efforts to prevent anyone from accessing the data," she mused.

I shrugged, hesitating at first, unsure whether I should share my thoughts on the matter with her, but realized, there was no use in denying. "Or maybe it was the circumstances which forced me to make such precaution."

"Circumstances?" she echoed, but then her eyes widened when it hit home. "You mean it could hold information about what you found in the Unknown Regions?" she asked and looked at me questioningly as if she wanted me to tell her.

I just gave an empty laugh and put the datapad on the holopanel in front of us. "Lucky me the Council's gentle care cost me so many memories. I don't remember where we were, why, how long we were there or what we were doing there. Well…except for one thing…"

"What?"

"A dark large room with a pedestal in the middle. There was a throne on it, but it was facing the other side of the room so that no one could see the one sitting in it," I was frowning, looking nowhere particular, trying to remember my dream I had had not so long ago. "There was a man in it, dressed in dark clothes who kept calling me _my__ dear_ meaning it as a mockery." Bastila was quiet while I was talking. I was suspecting her that she even forgot to breathe. "And there's this other man. Raenah, whit whom I apparently shared…something." The memories were rather blur when I was trying to remember the moment. "I was forced to make a bond with this man…no…wait…I wanted the bond to…I mean I…argh!" I grunted and hid my face in my palms, my cheeks were burning and my eyes were sore. "Why can't I remember? Why some memories come to me easily and others are eluding me?" I asked out loud, nevertheless the thought was supposed to be an inward one in the first place.

"Raenah?" she said silently, waiting for me to look at her again. "You've…ehm…mentioned him before. What about him?"

"I dreamt of him," I nodded. "He can use the bond to contact me. And somehow he even managed to hurt me. Do you remember the bruisers I had? He made them. Thought I don't understand how," I shrugged.

Her hand firmly gripped my wrist. "You have to tell the Council," she said, sounding deadly serious. "Not only about him, but the rest you've just told me as well."

"I already have!" I exclaimed loudly, nearly shouting. "I mean…According go Master Zhar," I added much quieter. "Right before the Council…erased my memories, I tried to talk to them, to warn them against something, but they didn't pay attention. Why do you think they will next time?"

"You're wrong in them. I'm sure they will listen," she opposed me.

I waved her off. "Whatever," I said and stood up. My mood was getting worse and worse and I knew a fast remedy to that; warm arms of a certain republic pilot in which I was always welcomed.

_ But __for __how__ long?_ The question kept echoing through my mind as a dark, foretelling feeling ran down my spine.

"Is something wrong?" she asked. She had to feel something through our bond or maybe she just registered thar my steps fell quiet. When I looked at her, she had the datapad in her hands, but her eyes were focused on me.

I took a slow breath. "I'm afraid," I whispered, partly even ashamed that I allowed myself to actually admit it. I had always been considered the strong one, the fearless leader who had always been there to inspire her troops and give them courage they so desperately needed.

Her eyes widened at that and she opened her mouth to speak. "Of what?"

"There's no mask I can hide behind this time," I said instead of answering. Maybe it was thanks to our bond, or she simply knew me far too well to guess what I was my meaning. "You're afraid of their reaction," she said and it wasn't meant as a question.

I nodded slowly. "Mission's and Juhani's planet is gone because of me. Carth lost not only his homeworld, but entire…almost entire family," I started counting all the tragedies I had caused, but Bastila stopped me after that.

"He loves you," she offered.

"He loved Morry too. And partially I'm the reason she's dead now," I replied curtly and dropped my eyes. "If you succeed in guessing the password, let me know." I turned around and in quick strides I finally left the main hold, feeling beaten.

Quietly I entered the cargo hold and closed the door behind me, waiting until my eyes got used to the dark before I moved again. I approached the mat on the ground where Carth was sleeping peacefully. His left arm, which I had previously used as a pillow, was still stretched out. His other hand was laid palm-down on the mattress on the very spot where I had been sleeping.

I hesitated. I wanted nothing else than to crawl under the thin blanket and into his arms again, but part of me knew it wouldn't be right.

So I bent my head in defeat, silently agreeing with my conscience which kept tormenting me ever since the day I'd found the truth. "I wish I could tell you everything," I whispered, not knowing whether he was asleep or not. And maybe I hoped he was awake and was listening. And yet I wanted him not to hear me. In a slow motion I knelt on the cold ground beside our "bed" and sat down on my heels. "I want to tell you, but you're going to hate me. It's funny," I went on, my voice low. "I wasn't afraid to challenge Mandalore the Ultimate himself. But now I dread to even think how you'd react after I tell you. Will you scream? Or worse, will you be quiet?" I mused.

I sighed and brought my hand up to press my fingers into my weary eyes. "And what should I tell you once you ask why? Why did I become such a monster? Was it because I liked the power I had in my hands during the Mandalorian wars? Was it something else?" I took a short pause, thinking back to those dreams about Raenah. "Or someone else…" I added silently. "I honestly don't know, but you won't believe, will you?" A sardonic smile spread on my lips when the thought hit me. "Maybe I could ask Alek when finally encounter him."

Carth moved in his sleep, murmuring something under his breath. His hand moved as if to hold me closer, but when it found nothing, Carth frowned. It seemed like he was aware of my absence.

I nodded. "You're right. I'll let you sleep." With that I turned around and left the cargo hold. After all, my former quarter – now only Bastila's – was unoccupied now.

...

The ship seemed a little darker and quieter when I woke up. I was still tired; I had a feeling I couldn't sleep longer than twenty minutes. Not to mention I had another nightmare. I saw another planet get levelled by Malak's fleet, which wouldn't be such a disaster per se, if it indeed was a mere dream. I sincerely hoped it was, however my legs were still shaking when I got up and I had this terrible feeling in my stomach.

"So…what is it this time?" a silent voice sounded from the door when was struggling with my sleeveless shirt to put it on. Before I could turn however I felt a pair of warm hands helping me to get my head out of the top.

"Ta…" I murmured, cuddling up to him in hope he'd forget why he came there. I kissed his chin lightly, but before I could actually get to his lips, he tilted his head back. "I'm serious. Raven…"

"Adrianne…" I purred, curling my fingers in his hair on the back of his neck.

"Adrianne," he corrected himself with a sigh, putting me at arm's length, looking at me with a worried look. "I know I've asked you many times before, but what's wrong? Ever since we left Manaan you're not yourself. I can feel it."

"Feel?" I repeated, tilting my head slightly. "You speak like a Jedi."

"What?" he blinked, letting go of my arms altogether. "Of course…don't change the topic. I can _see_ something's weighting you down pretty badly. I'm here for you, you can trust me," he said and took my hands in his.

"But I can't trust myself," I said, looking at our joined hands. "You're right though," I added eventually, glancing up to him with a determined look. "Let me put some shoes on and meet me in the main room. Gather everyone there, they deserve to know too." It wasn't about shoes at all. I needed time to think it through. Last night I had been lying awake for what seemed like hours reflecting about how to tell them. There simply was no subtle way to say it instead of simple: _I __was__ Darth __Revan._

"What are you talking about?"

"What we speak about is much bigger than just you and me, Carth," I said silently and touched his unshaved cheek, realizing this might be the last time I was doing it. He wanted to speak, but I freed my hands from his and pressed my finger against his half-opened lips. "No arguing, do what I said," I whispered softly.

Stubborn as he was, his hand took my mine off his lips and, hidden in his palm, he brought it to his heart. I looked at it and my lips parted in a soundless sigh as his gesture – which I would normally consider incredibly gentle and romantic – now made things even more difficult for me. "I don't think it's appropriate to discuss such things in front of them. All I want to know is why you keep pushing me away."

"I'm not pushing…" I broke off. "I am," I nodded. "I just…I don't want to hurt you, Carth," I admitted slowly, realizing how ridiculous it had to sound. And he only confirmed it when he laughed softly, his hand tightening around mine a little. "How could you possibly hurt me?"

I closed my eye briefly. "What if I told you I was in the war?" I started.

"I know you were. By the way I was too. What about it?" he simply asked, still smiling.

"What If I told you I did terrible things?" I kept asking, feeling awful when the smile froze on his lips. Maybe the severity of the situation finally started dawning on him. But there was no turning back now.

"Everyone was forced to do something bad," he said, more hesitantly then before.

"What if I told you the blood of hundreds, or even thousands, of people is on my hands, Carth?" And even if I wanted, I couldn't take it back now.

He shook his head and finally let go of my hand unintentionally as he made a step away from me. "Hundreds? What do you mean? You were just a common soldier."

There was only one last step to make… "What if I told you I had been much more? The truth is half of the fleet was obeying my every command."

"Half of…no, you were…the only one who had such power focused in his hands was…" he broke off, unable to continue. "No," was all he said after a silence that took what seemed like an eternity. "No, you can't be…him. He was…he! Just…what?"

Not able to bear his look any longer, I averted my eyes. "I didn't want anyone to recognize me after the war would be over. The large robes, the Mandalorian mask and a simple vocabulator were enough to conceal my true identity. Except for my Jedi, none had ever seen me without them," I said and dared to take a peek at him again.

I didn't even realize he made so many steps away from me; almost two meters were parting us now. He was frowning and if there was anything in his eyes, it was hurt and pain. "So it was all a lie?" he asked hoarsely. "From the very beginning?"

"No, not from..." I shook my head and closed my eyes firmly. "I mean, yes, but I...I wasn't...lying intentionally if I was. When the Jedi team led by Bastila captured me, they…"

"…should have killed you," he blurted out before he could stop himself. According to his own surprise, that wasn't what he wanted to say when he opened his mouth. But he recovered soon enough and continued in the same tone. "Just like you killed your own family," he raised his voice as I almost heard his self-control snap.

"No, no, no, Carth, I didn't kill them. Carth!" I started to defend myself, but he already turned around and left the room. I didn't care I was barefooted, I followed him. "I didn't attack Telos, Alek did!" I was desperately trying to explain myself as he strode into the main room.

Canderous paid us an indifferent look, but his quirked eyebrow betrayed his interest. Mission and Zaalbar were just entering the room too, she was holding a steaming cup in her hands, when we stormed by them.

"Did he?" Carth spun around to face me. I almost bumped into him, but his hands caught me promptly and shoved me away from him. "Do you take me for a fool, Revan?" he said my name in venomous tone. It sent chills run down my spine.

"Eh…are you two…" Mission started, making a step towards us, but I didn't let her finish. I didn't care about anything now. I needed to explain him how it all went, to make him see I wasn't implicated in the planet's destruction. "I'm speaking the truth, Carth, just listen to…"

"Why should I? Your actions during those past years speak highly of you and your character. You're nothing but a cold blooded murderer! Do you think I don't know what you were doing even to your friends? How you were trying to break them, to make them bend to your will?"

"Guys…"

"No, Carth…"

"Your ship was there!" he didn't let me finish again. "When we arrived, your ship was leading the fleet just as it started entering the hyperspace to run away like the cowards you were!"

"What is going on in…" Juhani's voice was drowned in mine as I started screaming too. "Yes! My ship was there, but only to order them to stop! The fleet you saw belonged to Alek! Mine was still on Korriban's orbit! Just think about it, why would I want to destroy my homeworld?"

His answer was immediate. "To get your revenge of course!"

"Revenge?" I repeated, taking a step back as if he'd slapped me. "You mean on my father," I realized what he was implying. "Carth…"

"Once I thought you were a hero…" he said in a quiet voice again. His hands were fisted and trembling and his eyes were glaring daggers at me.

And only then I realized the whole crew was present now.

"…how could you?"

"I'm telling you, Carth, I didn't order…" I fell quiet when his eyes started searching the room and lingered on Bastila. "You have nothing to say about this?" he growled. "But at least I finally understand why you wanted her on Endire Spire. Now it all finally makes sense, all those questions I had that you simply dismissed. So? Don't be shy. Speak, damned!"

"Wait a minute," Mission spoke up, using the moment of Bastila's hesitation. "Do I understand correctly? Raven is…"

"Yes, she is," Carth answered. "The reason both our homeworlds are gone."

"Just wait a sec, republic. As far as I know," Canderous intervened too, "it was Malak's fleet that bombed out Taris. And Telos."

"But…no…you can't be…" Mission whispered, her eyes on me. "Revan was cruel…man," she added.

I simply dropped my eyes. The look on her face was too much for me. Shock, surprise, disappointment…fear. This was exactly what I was so afraid of…

"This must be a mistake!" she exclaimed loudly when I refused to answer her. "Tell me, tell me it's just a misunderstanding."

"No, it's not," Carth corrected her. "But she was hiding it well, wasn't she."

Finally, Bastila made a step forward. "She wasn't, Carth. She didn't know about it for the most of the time. When we captured her, the Council tried to get the answers from her, using rather…unusual method," she admitted reluctantly. "But Adrianne's mind was too strong for them to simply dig her knowledge out. Unintentionally the Council destroyed her memory."

/You don't remember being a Darth Revan?/ Zaalbar asked silently.

"I…no, being _Darth _Revan is something I have only vague memories of," I nodded. "I mean, I don't even remember much from the war. And the closer to my meeting with the Council, the less I remember."

"But you do remember something," Carth uttered. "Which means it's only matter of time 'till you remember the rest and than what? Are you gonna kill us to keep your secret? Or are you planning to throw down your former apprentice and take over Star Forge again, whatever it is?" Carth asked, crossing his hands in front of him.

"Carth…" I started softly, not knowing what I should do or say to make him understand. I knew what I'd done was terrible and I couldn't deny it. But I hadn't destroyed Telos. I hadn't killed my family! He had to see that!

He lifted his hand in the air, palm to me. "Spare me. I'll be in the cockpit if someone needed me, except for our little Sith Lord," he hissed and spun around.

And that was when the turn came. Never before had anyone simply walked out on me. I was accustomed to be usually the one with the last word. "Hah! This is rich!" I heard myself screaming before I could stop myself. "So that you know, if it weren't for this little Sith Lord your son would have died on Telos!" I yelled at him, suddenly feeling very angry.

That stopped him. "What did you say?" he growled.

"Enjoy your cockpit duty, Mr. Onasi," I retorted and turned around, decided to leave him standing there, but I whirled around again when I heard several fast steps. His hands firmly grasped both of my arms with such a force it hurt. He didn't even bother to slow down in order to catch me, he slammed my back against the iron wall.

The second my face twisted in pain, a soft click rang through the silent room. "Warning: Let go of Master or die, meatbag." From the corner of my eyes I spotted the red droid aiming his blaster rifle at Carth's head.

Carth didn't move. "Tell him to stand down," he said simply, giving me a dark look. His grip was still painfully tight.

"HK," I started and despite the pain I smiled a smile which made him give me an uncertain look; a symbol of my victory. "Make sure your gun is loaded.""

Mission gasped, covering her open mouth with both of her hands as she looked at me in horror, just like others did.

"What are you doing?" Carth asked and I felt his hands losing their grip on my arms.

"And be ready to shoot at my order," I added and smiled darkly when the droid confirmed understanding.

Carth's reaction was immediate. He let go of me so fast it seemed he got burnt and he made a few steps back away from me. His every movement was followed by the barrel of HK's rifle. "You wouldn't," he said, glancing towards the droid.

I tilted my head. "Why not?" I asked and only barely resisted the urge to squeeze my arms where his hands were just a moment ago. Such action would only make me look weak, unable to bear some pain. "This is exactly what I'm capable of according to your words. To kill people I hold dear. But if it were the case, you'd be dead already." I took my eyes off him and looked at the droid. "HK, stand down," I ordered finally and it seemed everyone in the room let out a sigh of relief. I frowned; were they really thinking I'd hurt him?

"You're sick," Carth hissed and finally let go of me and made a step back. I only barely resisted the urge to squeeze my arms where his hands were just a moment ago. "Where is Dustil?" he asked, his eyes never leaving my face. "What have you done to him?"

"I haven't…" I started, but then I felt another disturbance in the Force. And from the look of others I wasn't the only one.

For an instant an image of large, dark ship appeared in my mind's eye.

"What is it?" Mission asked, her eyes travelling between each of us. The moment the Ebon Hawk rocked violently. T3 let out a loud wail when the ship tilted to one side, causing his little form to slide down before he managed to brake his little wheels.

"Saul Karath..." I said breathlessly, leaning against the wall for support. Carth shot me a glance, before he headed to the cockpit.

"Who is it?" Mission asked again.

The ship shook again. This time T3 only chimed silently, his optic sensor was bright blue.

"Statement: I remember the annoying meatbag, Master."

Carth had probably taken over the ship's control again and managed to balance the ship.

Wordlessly, I exchanged quick look with Bastila and nodded at her questioning expression. She frowned and we both made our way to the cockpit too. And judging from the sounds others were at our heels.

We found Carth sitting in the pilot seat with his hands crossed in front of his chest, his jaw clenched, glowering at the large battle cruiser in front of us with hatred in his eyes.

"Do I understand this deafening silence correctly?" Jolee asked when the rest of the Hawk's crew appeared in the cockpit as well.

"What are we going to do?" Juhani asked, watching the Leviathan getting slowly closer.

Bastila turned to me. "Please, tell me Malak's not on board."

I shook my head, but the dark expression didn't leave my face. "He's not, but I feel something very dark on that ship," I admitted. Now was not time to spare someone's feelings. If we wanted to come up with some decent escape plan, we needed all the information we could get.

"And that is supposed to calm us down?" Carth asked and didn't bother to look back at me.

/Who are they?/ Zaalbar asked. As usual, he was standing right behind Mission, one of his large paws was resting on the girl's shoulder reassuringly.

"The bad guys," Canderous said simply. "Anyone – a plan?"

"Let's ask our master strategist," Carth uttered.

I ignored his biting remark. "Maybe they don't know how many of us are there. We could use that. If one of us could hide and avoid being taken to the ship..."

Bastila bit her lip. "That might work. But they probably know about me, Carth and you."

I nodded. "And Canderous; Calo saw him stealing the Ebon Hawk with me. Does anybody have a stealth field generator?" I asked and was hoping Mission could.

"I do," she nodded. I felt a prick of pain when she tried her best to avoid my eyes. Instead at me, she looked at Bastila.

"Give it to Juhani."

After that her eyes focused on me. "But I could...!" Mission started protesting, but I silenced her with a gesture of my hand. "No arguing, I won't put you in a needless risk. Juhani will handle it," I added and looked at the Cathar. Her eyes were wide, but she had a gleam of determination. She nodded promptly, but I still caught the uncertain expression she had on her face for a moment. Was it because she was afraid. Was she afraid of them? Or of me?

"Go for the generator and get _lost_," I ordered and looked out of the cockpit window. We were almost in the hangar.

Everyone who stayed in the cockpit was now looking at me. They were still waiting for me to add something, to tell each of them their role, their task, to simply tell them my plan. But the fact was: I had no plan. I had only hope Juhani would succeed and manage to free us as soon as possible.

I was very well aware of the Sith interrogation methods and if we were to undergo their care for too long, I doubt any of us would survive the encounter with Sith Lord, when he'd arrive. I knew Karath would sooner or later let him know about catch. And once he did, it would be only matter of time before he'd arrive too.

I frowned and looked once again at the large ship. _The__ question __is, __if__ Alek__'__s__ away,__ who__ the __hell __is__ on __that __ship?__ Has __he__ taken__ yet __another __apprentice, __except __for __Bandon?__ No,__ he__'__d__ be__ a __fool __if__ he__ did._

"So that's it?" Canderous asked finally, making me abandon my thoughts, when he comprehended my silence in the very way it was meant. "We're just going to let them capture us? No plan? Just like that?"

"Observation: I like the Mandalorian meatbag more and more, Master. Statement: I say we fight!" he added and grasped his rifle more tightly.

I only stretched my hand towards him. "Give me the gun, HK. We're in enough trouble already," I ordered.

The droid hesitated and I noticed the slight movement of his arms as if he wanted press the weapon against his chest to protect it, but his programming didn't allow him to disobey my order. In slow motion he let go of it. "Statement: Master, I doubt disarming is helpful. I suggest taking a quick, surprising action. Exclamation: No! Master, what are you doing?" he practically shouted in desperation when I – using the experience gained in the war – disassembled the gun in no time and dropped it on the iron floor with a loud clinking. "Go tell T3 to hide somewhere. And...HK...I forbid you to talk to the Sith soldiers once they board the ship or attack them, understood?"

"Affirmation: Yes, Master," he said, sounding rather defeated, and turned around.

"And that goes for the rest of you too," I added, looking at Canderous. "Do not talk to them and do not attack them. I hope you all realize our primary goal is to get out of here alive and before Malak arrives if possible. Everything else is unimportant. Including taking revenge."

"Revenge?" Canderous asked, suspecting I was still talking to him.

I shook my head. "Let's go welcome our new guests," I said and left the cockpit.

...

There was no need to offer any resistance. We were outnumbered and in great disadvantage. So we simply surrendered and let the Sith troops lead us out of our ship. Out there, in Leviathan's hangar, were other troops waiting for us. I noticed one of them was dressed a bright orange armour; their commander. I saw his head moving from each of us until it lingered on Bastila. I lifted an eyebrow at that. He didn't pay a second glance to me, which meant he had no idea who I was. This could serve to our advantage too; Malak was probably trying to keep it a secret. _But__ why?_ I asked myself inwardly when the commander pointed at Bastila and Carth. "Take these to the interrogation chamber. The rest belongs to the prison."

That took me by surprise. I thought if anyone would be interrogated, it would be me or Bastila. Why Carth? _Saul__'__s__ initiative,_ I mused.

"Get going!" A painful nudge in my back made me move finally. They led us to the large lift, which moved up with an agonizing slowness. When it stopped finally, on deck number ten, they bid most of the crew out. But when I wanted to join them on their way to prison, the troop commander stopped me. "Why, you don't like our company? No way, girl, you're staying with us for a little longer," he said in a mocking tone. I frowned; I had a bad feeling about it.

Looking around the lift, Bastila's head was down as she was watching the ground, giving it a calm look. She appeared to be at peace, as if the whole situation wasn't happening, but I could feel she was nervous. But she wasn't afraid.

Carth's face was completely unreadable, his eyes focused on the lift door. I watched for a while and it seemed he even stopped winking how intensively he was looking at it.

The lift stopped again and the soldiers led Bastila and Carth out.

_ Don__'__t__ look__ back __at __me,__ just__ please, __don__'__t__ look __back __at __me_, I kept thinking all the time before the door between us closed again. It could seem petty at the moment, but even a simple look, one expression sent between us in desperate effort to communicate somehow, could give them advantage. If we let them know exactly how close we were to each other, they could use it against us. _At__ least __I know I __would._

After few seconds, I looked at the commander standing by my side. "Should I feel honoured? Do I get the private session with the admiral?" I asked, hoping I'd get at least some information about what they had in store for me. Nothing was worse than not knowing your enemies' intentions.

I heard him snicker, but that was all.

"Aren't you afraid I'd use the opportunity to attack you?"

"I'm not afraid of you, Jedi," he growled.

"Maybe you should be. Maybe I'm more powerful than you think," I said, nonchalantly waving my hand.

His head moved slightly to the side. "Are you using your mind tricks to plant fear into me? If so, stop. I was trained to resist your techniques," he retorted simply.

I smiled and shrugged, playing it easy, but inside I felt anything, but at ease. "At least there's something Alek's doing right."

For the last time, the lift stopped and the door opened, revealing an empty and dimply lit corridor with large door at its end. When I entered it I felt...something very disturbing. Something I couldn't put my finger on despite how familiar the feeling was.

The Sith had to notice my hesitation once we were out of the lift. "Are you afraid, Jedi?" he asked and I could tell he was smirking from ear to ear.

_Maybe __we __all __should __be __afraid,_ I thought. The closer we were to the door, the stronger the sensation was, which meant its source had to be in the room behind.

The room we entered was an ordinary observatory room, but now all the windows were covered, causing the room to be drowned in the dark. The soldier beside me stood at attention when Karath approached us with his cynical smile. "I believe our guests have been taken care of?" he spoke to the commander.

"Admiral Karath, the two of them, as you requested, have been put into interrogation. The rest of them rot in prison cells as we speak."

His grey eyes moved to look at me, but I wasn't watching him. I had a feeling there was someone else in the room, but I couldn't see anybody. "You look well. Much better than a dead person should."

"I do my best," I said, focusing on him again. "You however, look much older. The year under dear Alek's care took its toll, I assume. He is rather ruthless, after all," I commented. I expected him to return the remark, but he simply smiled.

_There__'__s __something __odd __about __his__ behaviour,_ shot through my mind.

"I would love to converse with you, but I have prisons to interrogate." With that he beckoned the solder to go with him as he left the room, closing the door behind him, leaving me standing there alone. _Not__alone,_ I reminded myself as I narrowed my eyes, trying to see through the dark. Finally I saw a movement at the back of the room.

* * *

><p>Yahoo, another update, I'm so glad I managed to finally finish this chapter. It took me that long partly (mainly) because of a lack of free time, and partially because I had to rewrite it at least...well...many times, as I wasn't able to write it to my satisfaction. But then I thought: hey, nothing's ever perfect. And so this the chapter's finally here. Anyway, thanks once again for reading (and your patience) and please, if you have anything to say about it, any comments, ideas, wishes or simply anything, just click the review button bellow and let me know :)<p>

And for case I wouldn't manage to update before the big Day, let me wish you all merry Christmas and enjoyable holidays :)


	23. Leviathan

Disclaimer: I don't own Kotor, Bioware does.

This chapter contains a minor spoiling from the Drew Karpyshyn's novel "Revan", consider yourself warned :)

* * *

><p>I could swear a moment ago there wasn't anybody; he appeared literally out of nowhere. And for the first time in my life I could honestly say I was paralyzed with fear when I recognized him. The tall, muscular man, who was slowly crossing the room, was looking at me with his yellow eyes half-hidden beneath the dark hood. His face was soon lit by a red light of his lightsaber as he approached me, stopping so close to me our bodies almost touched. He lifted his hand, putting the laser sword closer to my face.<p>

"Before you kill me," I heard my own breathless voice speak, "I have a message for your master."

Raenah quirked his eyebrow and I noticed the two weird tendrils he had on his cheeks moved slightly as his lips twisted into a sick smile.

"You may succeed today, but in the end I will be the winner. Both the Republic and the Order know about your activities and once you only lay a toe into Republic space, they will do their best to stop your efforts. And I'm sure this time they'll exterminate your kind for good," I blurted out. I was bluffing of course. I couldn't have said anything to anyone, because I wasn't even sure what they were planning, well apart from the obvious; they posed a great threat to the Republic.

"Will they?" he asked and his smile grew wilder. His saber moved slowly and I could feel the heat on my neck. Instinctively I tilted my head upwards and I took a sharp breath.

Raenah moved his head to side to look at something behind my back. I knew what he was thinking: there still was some space between me and the door. He had to be wondering I was standing still on the spot despite the deadly weapon at my throat. Frankly, I was too terrified to move. "Will they?" he repeated. "With the state you left them in?"

I wanted to frown in confusion, but I stopped myself in time. I looked at him with blank Bastila-like expression.

"It was nice chatting with your human friend. He offered me great information, as weak-minded as he was," he explained.

"I knew there was something amiss with him," I said out loud, while inwardly wondering why I was still alive. If he had come to kill me, he'd have done so already. But I was still breathing, which had to mean something. "And he's not my friend." I made few steps back at last until my back bumped against the door.

And he made few steps forward, this time he brought the lightsaber close to my cheek as if he wanted to examine my face. And he was, according to the slight movement of his eyes. He was studying me, maybe searching for any clue to what I was feeling or thinking. "Your eyes speak of a great fear, yet I do not feel it," he said after a while. I had noticed his eyes had lingered on the scar on my left cheek longer than strictly necessary. Did he remember I hadn't had it the last time we'd seen each other?

"I'm a Jedi. I've undergone years of intensive training to simply give away my emotions that way.

"That wasn't a denial. You are afraid," he stated.

"I'd be fool if I wasn't. The thing is, I know you'd use it against me if I let you feel it. It is just like they say; it's always important to know your enemy."

He narrowed his eyes. "You consider me your enemy?"

"I consider anyone my enemy when they're pointing their weapon at my face. So why don't you stop with this nonsense and do what you've been sent to do?" I asked finally. I was almost hundred percent sure he wouldn't kill me now, otherwise I wouldn't have challenged him so. The question remained, however, what was the true reason why he'd come here.

"Why do you think I want to kill you? What if I want information?"

"Please, what kind of information you'd want? Unless…" it started dawning on me. Although I remembered him only vaguely, I still knew he seemed to me as an avatar of the dark side. But now the feeling wasn't that strong. _Maybe the bond works both ways. Just as he can influence me…_ "…it's somehow connected to knowledge no Sith can provide," I said and my eyes widened. "You sought me out to learn from me! But why did you…argh!" the rest of my sentence died on my lips as he pressed his elbow against neck. My hands flew up, grapping his arm in a futile effort to pull it away.

"I came here to kill you!" he hissed, his face close to mine. "For betraying our Emperor you deserve no less. You should be kissing my feet for putting the objective off for my own personal goals." The pressure grew stronger, crushing my windpipe, and I could feel my feet leaving the steady ground. I was desperately trying to take a breath, but it was in vain. His was too strong. "But if you'd rather had me getting it done now, say a word. Oh, wait, you can't. You're out of air…" he added and loosened the grip finally. He made several fast steps back to make me a space when I fell. I landed on my hands and knees. One of my hands was clutching to my sore throat, while the other offered support for me as I was gasping for air.

"I hope you remember now which one of us has the upper hand here," he added. When I finally had the courage to look at him, I saw him watching me emotionlessly. "Stand up," he ordered when he noticed I was able to move.

"You have no right to order me around," I rasped, standing up anyway.

He moved his head to side. "What did you say? You must speak louder than that," he mocked me with a cruel gleam in his eyes. But that soon disappeared and he frowned, looking around in confusion. "What was that?" he asked, and his tone was completely different from the one he'd been using.

My eyes widened. "You felt it too?" I asked him incredulously. "The disturbance in the Force?"

"What is it?" he growled. "What does it mean?"

"Saul Karath has begun interrogating my friends," I said without hesitation. I shivered at the thought. I wasn't unfamiliar with Sith interrogation. They were suffering, but I could do nothing to help them and that was killing me. There was no way I could get rid of Raenah without my lightsaber.

_Or maybe I don't have to get rid of him...at least for now_, I thought and looked at him. He must have sensed my intentions; he gave me a questioning look and I noticed he tightened his grip on his lightsaber. "I have an offer for you."

"What could you possibly have to offer to _me?_" he asked scornfully.

"Only what you seek - knowledge. I'll tell you everything I know about the Force under one condition."

He smirked slowly and lifted his lightsaber. "I don't think you're in position to have any conditions."

"But I am," I opposed him, lifting my chin defiantly and crossing my hands in front of me. It was a long shot, but one worth trying. "You are alone here. If you killed me, you'd lost the only person in this galaxy who wouldn't attack you on sight and would be willing to tell you what she knows. That's why I wasn't dead the moment the door closed behind Karath. Because you're very well aware of this little fact, aren't you?"

He looked at me with a frown. He was angry, that much was clear, and there was something else mirrored in his face; helplessness. I was apparently right and there was nothing he could do about it. "What are those conditions of yours?" he spat eventually, finally deactivating the lightsaber; the room was once again submerged into darkness.

I lifted my hand, aiming two my fingers at the large windows. Using the Force I opened the outer covers, allowing the small light of the outer space to lit the room, casting a shadow of the Sith in front of me across the room. With an ironic smile I noticed the symbolism; the head of Raenah's shadow was right under my feet. "I want your help now. After the interrogation ends, Karath would probably head to the bridge to let my former friend Alek – I'm sure you remember him – know me and Bastila are here. I want to see Karath's face when he enters the bridge and see us there. And I want Alek dead and the Star Forge in my hands…I mean destroyed!" I corrected myself immediately.

I noticed the corners of his mouth perked up a little and I didn't like it. He was aware of the effect he was having on me. Just like I knew the light side coming to him through the bond from me was influencing him, as he'd just admitted. He stretched his hand forward. "I think you have a deal."

I hesitated for a moment, before accepting his hand. And when his large palm closed around mine, I suddenly had the feeling that this wasn't such a good idea after all. _No, my plan will work. They'd never let him live once they see him._ "I need my lightsaber first," I said after he let go of me.

"Where is it?"

I shrugged. "I can only guess. The deck number ten comes as a potential place where to search for it however."

He motioned me to the door, but before I even turned around, he used the Force to open it for me. I looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "I didn't know they taught you courtesy in that academy of yours," I remarked before I went through the door and down the corridor.

"I know how to behave in a presence of women, don't worry," he answered, following me.

"Says he who just tried to strangle one?" I added with a smile. He didn't answer, just looked at me with unreadable expression and lifted his hand to lay it gently on my back to make me walk faster. I raised my eyebrow. I didn't miss the change; his behaviour seemed much more natural and less forced, as if he'd been just pretending to be so intimidating before. I couldn't remember what he'd been like back in the Unknown Regions, but I partly assumed the change was due to the bond. He must have felt my influence really badly that he'd decided to find me and get some answers from me.

"What exactly are you planning?" he asked when the door of the lift closed behind us.

I shrugged. "Well…at first I want to kill Karath. And I'm going to kill every person in my way who'd want to stop me."

He smirked and looked at me from the corner of his eyes. "I like your way of thinking," he said and I noticed his eyes looked over me in casual manner. I frowned. "Coming from you, it's not very flattering. And don't look at me that way," I said simply, focusing on the indicator positioned above the lift door.

He chuckled and his gaze became more intensive; exact opposite of what I wanted. _Figures…_

"I thought you'd be used to it after all those months," he said nonchalantly, tearing his eyes off me finally.

The lift went through several more decks before his meaning actually dawned on me. _Months? How long were we in the Unknown Regions exactly?_ I wondered inwardly. I shot him a quick glance to make sure his attention was anywhere but on me. Just as me not long ago, he was looking at the indicator. His head was tilted to one side as he was watching the numbers. I frowned. _But of course. The war ended five years ago and Telos was destroyed four years ago. We had to spend the year somewhere._

"Strange writing," Raenah said when the lift stopped and the door opened.

"It's easy once you learn it," I shrugged as we entered the dark and quiet corridor, lit only by dim red spotlights in the walls.

"Everything is easy when you learn it," he stated and frowned, looking around. "This ship is all corridors and nothing else. Wait, I take it back, there is a door over there," he added, pointing at our left.

"And it leads to the cell blocks, if I remember correctly, but we're not going there," I said and bit my lip. I was thinking hard back to the time I was Darth Revan. The ships were all the same, so I only had to remember the plan of it. "We need to go down this large corridor," I added, pointing in front of us. "At its very end there's a room with panel in the middle. The interrogation room is on our left and on the other side there should be a small room with our things stored."

"Should be?" he caught the uncertainty in my voice. "You're not sure?"

I shrugged. "Just because I was using the room as a storage room, doesn't mean Karath does too," I pointed out. I had no idea how long I'd be able to hide from him my amnesia, but the longer the better. But he wasn't paying me any attention anymore. "Have you noticed how quiet the ship is?" he asked instead, looking around with suspicious expression in his eyes.

"No troops," I nodded, knowing very well what he meant. "No guards. It is a little flustering."

"Maybe we're walking into a trap."

"You're paranoid," I waved him off. "Karath simply doesn't expect us to go for a walk around the..." A loud, piercing shriek cut me off, making a shiver run down my spine. _Bastila!_

But just as I frowned and clenched my jaw in anger, Raenah's face lit with a smile. "I hear we're getting closer."

"And you better wipe that sneer off your face before I do it myself," I growled just as the shriek died out. I quickened my pace. At the time my friends started screaming in pain again, I was standing in front of the door to the interrogation room. I didn't want anything else than to storm in and help them...

I felt Raenah's hand on my shoulder.

"I love it too, but we should go," Raenah said slowly, turning me around.

I frowned, nodding in slow motion. "You're right. Now he has the upper hand, but soon I will be the one laughing him in the face," I said darkly and turned around. I used the Force to open the door in front of me and walked in, with Raenah at my heels. Without hesitation I let my instincts lead me to one of the lockers. It wasn't locked and when knelt beside it and I opened it, there were several lightsabers. Recognizing the one previously belonging to Darth Bandon, I picked it up and tightly grasped it in my palm. "Let's seize the bridge then," I whispered. I doubted he heard me, as my voice was drowned out by those of my friends once again. Karath seemed highly unsatisfied with their answers.

I stood up and left the room, following Raenah. We were nearly at the lift, just walking through the last turn, when I heard sounds of battle. "One of mine," I said to Raenah, when I recognized Juhani's typical: I will be your doom.

"Where is she going?" he asked.

"To free Bastila and Carth," I answered simply, pointing behind us, back to the interrogation room. "And that means...hey, what..." When the sounds fell quiet, Raenah moved swiftly behind me, embracing me around waist and using the other hand to cover my mouth. He leaned closer to my ear, whispering to me to keep quiet and still, while backing to the wall.

I didn't know why, but Juhani simply run down the corridor, ignoring us. Only when she disappeared behind the corner again and Raenah let go of me, I looked closely at his hands. He was holding a small device. "Stealth?" I asked and he nodded. "You need to think two steps ahead of others."

"Far-sighted. But we should act quickly now. If Juhani's on her way from the cells, we have little time," I added and started running towards the lift.

...

Our way to the bridge was much bloodier than the one to the interrogation room. The main deck was crowded with troops and guards, as well as dark Jedi, but we had no trouble hacking them up. It seemed fighting alongside Raenah poured much more hatred and anger in my veins than strictly necessary. I had never enjoyed ending someone's life, not even when it was merited, but now, no matter how wrong it was, I felt satisfaction. This ship and her crew participated in the destruction of Telos and murdering billions of people, and not only there. Leviathan was in the head of the fleet which had levelled Taris as well.

What caught us off guard was a locked door, when we were almost there. The problem was, there was no way how to bypass the door. Of course, there was a way, but I doubted I'd convince Raenah to take a walk on the ship's hulk. Fortunately, I had another, much easier solution. And when we exchanged a short glance I knew he thought the same; simultaneously we both initiated our lightsabers.

As we used the Force to push the door – or what was left of it – inside, it hit all four sith soldiers behind it and knocked them out. None of us bothered to lift the heavy piece of iron from them. Raenah approached one of the soldiers whose body wasn't entirely trapped under it, who was still alive, desperately trying to free himself. Raenah drew his lightsaber and cut off his head, watching it rolling around on the floor.

I frowned. "Why did you do it?"

He nodded. "I like killing defenceless opponents. But of course, that's something you wouldn't understand," he waved me off, slowly walking up the meek incline leading to the bridge itself.

"Thank you for the reassurance," I hissed, sarcasm dripping from my voice. "For a second I thought you'd done it to end his suffering."

"Don't worry,_ my dear, _I'd never do anything like that," he said, leaning closer to me and lifting his hand to touch my cheek. I smacked it away from me. "You're sick," I growled

"No, I'm Sith," he corrected me and straightened, motioning to the last door. "After you."

I frowned at him. He ignored me and instead pulled up his hood to hide his face. I shook my head and opened the door, finally stepping on the bridge. Ordinary Sith soldiers were sitting in black leather seats in front of consoles and computers that stretched along the walls. At least ten guards were marching to and fro, doing it casually and without thinking. After all, what danger could threat them here, now, with no space battle or invaders? And if there was an attacker, other guards in the ship would sound the alarm to let everybody know about them before they could reach the bridge.

I smirked when I examined the surroundings and saw all the heads inside turn to me. There was only one dark Jedi, who made a step towards me. His hood was down, allowing me to see his whole face. I saw disbelief and question in his eyes as his lips soundlessly mouthed my name.

I tilted my head to the side at that, but then my instinct kicked in. Crouching slightly, I made a jump enhanced by the Force across the entire bridge right to the Sith, activating my lightsaber in the process and cutting him diagonally across his torso. For a moment, until his body fell to the floor at my feet, everything was silent and motionless. Then the hell started. I had to duck and turn around, using my lightsaber to deflect the laser beams the guards were shooting at me. Using the Force I pushed some of them away from me. Their fall was broken by the bridge workers and their computers. Before they managed to spring to their feet again, I eliminated the rest of the sorry "defence" Saul left there to protect the bridge.

Raenah remained standing still in the doorframe, watching me killing both the troops and casual workers in no time.

The last one breathing was the officer administrating the communication. He was looking at me with pure horror, unable to move, only crouching under the seat he'd been occupying just a minute ago, trembling.

I deactivated one of the blades. The other was still initiated and aimed at the ground as I slowly approached the officer. I lifted the lightsaber and pointed it at his throat, thought I left enough space between the sword's end and his body, just in case. "Stand up," I commanded loudly. "I ordered you to stand up," I growled when he remained still. His eyes moved from my face to something behind me. I didn't have to look back to know Raenah finally moved from his place at the door.

"If I were you, I'd obey," he said simply, bending his head down to the terrified Sith. I noticed the overtone of amusement in his voice. "You must see she's in a rather..."

"Don't touch me," I growled when I spotted how he lifted his hand and was about to wrap it around my shoulders.

"…bloody mood," he finished and let his hand fall back to his side.

The soldier finally did as I said, though his reluctance was obvious. I frowned. "Has Karath reported to Darth Malak about his new prisoners yet?" I asked. I noticed from the corner of my eye the look Raenah gave me; he was curious.

The Sith soldier simply shook his head. His eyes were looking around, tracing over the bodies and blood all around us, before finally focusing on me again. He shook his head again, more firmly this time.

"Then do so. Send the message. Tell him to hurry." I stopped caring about him, trusting his fear would make him do as I will, and instead walked in the centre of the bridge.

"That was thrilling," Raenah stated while watching me bending down to the death dark Jedi. I wanted to search the corpse for anything useful. _Arkanian shield..._ I thought with a smile playing on the corners of my lips. _Nice..._

"I've never thought a _Jedi_ could unleash such fury upon her enemies."

"Usually I don't," I said, hesitating a little. "But when it comes to the leviathan that commands this ship, I'm willing to make an exception. Are you done?" I snapped at the Sith officer, when I noticed he turned away from the console. He nodded. "I...I did what you asked. Will you...let me go?" he asked silently.

Raenah gave a humourless laugh. "Let you go?" he said in an icy voice and lifted his lightsaber.

"No!"

Before the crimson blade could harm the Sith office, my own lightsaber blocked it just inches from his head. Raenah frowned and for a moment and his yellow eyes moved to the place I'd been standing on previously.

"We will not harm him," I said slowly, pressing against his blade to make him put it away. And so he did.

"Don't you dare stopping me ever again if you want to live," he hissed and frowned deeply. His face became a grimace of hatred at the moment.

I on the other hand stayed calm. "You wouldn't kill me. Right now I'm too valuable for you," I reminded him and, too, fastened deactivated lightsaber back to my belt. _But I'm sure you'd do it once I'd give you what you want..._I added inwardly.

For a second he was quiet. "So what is your plan?"

I smirked. "I'm going to hit two birds with one stone. Alek won't expect me to wait for him in the hangar. He's strong, but not very clever."

Raenah nodded. "That's why chose _you_."

I frowned. "Chose? What do you mean?"

He smirked. "Two powerful Jedi, lying at his feet...I'd be helpless. But he didn't hesitate a second."

An image appeared in my mind. I saw the familiar dark room with the throne, but it was turned to us this time. I was on my hands and knees on the floor. I heard myself screaming, but the words were incomprehensible. And I felt someone else's presence in my mind. A dark and demanding presence.

A sound of opening the door brought me back to present. My head snapped to the side to see who was coming.

Saul was accompanied by two dark Jedi, who had their lightsabers ready. They'd been probably alarmed by the damaged door and dead guards, especially by the headless one.

Strangely enough, Saul was looking at Raenah as if he wasn't recognizing him. And I doubted it was because the Sith's face was half-hidden beneath his dark hood.

Raenah slowly moved his head to face me. "Kill them," he said in a dark voice. My mind protested, but my body readied itself for another lethal jump. With deadly accuracy and speed I got rid of the two dark Jedi, but left Saul intact. For a moment I was afraid one of us would hurt him, because he was at first trapped in our lightsaber triangle, fortunately he was smart enough to get away from us. Probably feeling every effort would be hopeless, he was standing not far from us, watching us fighting. And when I was done with the two, I focused my attention at him.

Raenah looked at me with a frown and his surprise literally filled the bridge when my palm opened and Bandon's lightsaber loudly clicked as it hit the floor.

I lifted my hand and started closing my palm around a non-existent object. Karath's reaction was immediate. His own hands flew to his throat.

"You will not die by lightsaber," I said, using the other hand to make him fly in the air, his toes hanging just inches above the iron floor. "You are the traitor of the worse kind and a murderer," I went on, watching him goggling and fighting for breath. "If I were you, I'd breathe out. They say you'll gain a few seconds that way," I added and found myself smiling at the thought of what I wanted.

He groaned when his body hit the window. His eyes were closed and face twisted in fear and pain. I lifted my eyebrow at the fact the window only cracked a little. I chuckled. "Sorry, this time I'll do my best," I promised and already started gathering the Force inside my free palm. Loud alarm sounded through the ship, but it soon faded away, when the failsafe mechanism fixed the broken window with a shutter before all air was sucked out.

I turned to Raenah, who was looking at me with a dark smile. "Let's go, Malak is waiting," I said while using the Force to pull Bandon's lightsaber back into my hand, before heading away from the bridge, not bothering to wait for him.

He soon caught up on me. "I'm impressed."

"Shut up," I growled.

"I never knew you could be so passion..."

I stopped abruptly, turning to him and with initiated lightsaber pushing him to the wall. I pointed the laser sword at his chest, close to his heart. "Listen!" I hissed at him. "That man took everything from me and for that he deserved no less than that. I'm glad he's dead and don't regret it, but that doesn't mean I enjoy killing people in general. Because I don't!" With that I made a step back, deactivated my lightsaber, but kept it in my hand. "Let's go," I said in commanding voice.

This time he stayed quiet until we reached the hangar. Around our ship there were several dead bodies of Sith soldiers, but there was no sight of any member of the Hawk's crew. And the Ebon Hawk herself had her engines turned on. That was a good sign – everyone was inside, waiting for the rest of the team.

"Is this your ship?" he asked, looking at the Ebon Hawk with a frown. "She's strange. Doesn't look much."

"She's fast and reliable. What else do you need?"

"Firepower, shields, strong hulk..."

I laughed. "She's not a battle ship, Raenah...just like this one isn't," I added when I spotted ar small ship jumping from hyperspace through the hangar's opened door.

"You're not going to hide?" Raenah asked when the ship was getting nearer and nearer and I still refused to move.

I shook my head. "Nope. I'm not a coward to attack from shadows like certain someone," I stated, reffering to Alek of course.

The ship started lowering its ramp even before it landed properly. I smiled when Alek's tall, muscular figure started stepping down the ramp, his lightsaber ready in his hand. In slow pace he crossed the distance between us, stopping two meters from me. He was wearing his typical red light armour and black cloak over one shoulder. His eyes were cruel and full of anger and I only wondered if mine used to look the same when I was still Darth Revan.

"So it is true," Alek said. His voice lacked any emotions and I doubted it was only because of the prosthetic jaw. "When they told me I refused to believe it, and even now I have troubles believing my eyes. I would have never dreamed the Jedi would let you live. Why did they spare you, I wonder?"

It seemed unbelievable. We used to be inseparable, best friends, always together, always helping each other, protecting each other if necessary. And if anyone had a problem with one of us, they had problem with the other as well. "They never intended to kill me, Alek," I said. "Jedi do not believe in killing their prisoners. You should know that," I added much quieter. As I was looking at him, all the anger, all the hatred started suddenly fading away. I felt the lightsaber in my palm and suddenly wished I hadn't let him know about us.

"Don't say you once again listen to the pathetic teaching of the Jedi Council, Revan."

I shook my head. "I've never followed their rules in the first place, Alek, otherwise I'd have never joined the war. But I didn't come to discuss the past with you."

And now we were standing against each other, both eager to kill the other.

"I'm...I'm sorry it had to come to this, Alek. But there's no turning back from where we are now. And this can be resolved only in blood," I said, gripping my lightsaber tightly. I knew the hold would be important. Alek had always fought with a brute force, often disarming people against him. I initiated one of the two blades. I intended to keep the other deactivated until the moment its activation would surprise him, maybe even kill him. I was hoping he wouldn't notice the lightsaber to be double-bladed until the very moment.

I could see he was hesitant to meet me in battle as we started slowly circling around each other. Alek had his 'saber positioned protectively in front of his body, but I kept mine aimed at the ground.

But soon, as if someone started it, we launched at each other at the same time. His lunges were stronger and more powerful, just as I expected them to be, but I was quicker. However his fighting style confused me, because it wasn't the one I remembered he'd been using during the Mandalorian wars. It was more aggressive, brutal and chaotic, but I was glad to find it somehow repetitive. He was trying to tire me out, using strong and heavy strikes mostly on my upper body.

I, on the other hand, was whirling around him, forcing him to constantly change from offensive to defensive way of fighting, just as I was rotating various fighting techniques as well. I wanted to confuse him, anger him so that he'd make a mistake. I was using the Force only to create a protective shield or to regain balance when he used it to push me away from him.

"Why do you even bother?" I laughed after he threw me away from him again. I'd made a few turns in the air, landing safely on my feet in a crouched position. "Can't you see? You can't beat me and I'm still holding back!" I taunted him.

"Your words mean nothing to me, Revan. But I see there's still something of your former self in you. But it's still not enough to defeat me."

"We shall..." My eyes widened when I heard the door leading to the hangar opened again. I knew who was standing at it even before I made the mistake of turning at them. "Bastila, Carth, get ins..."

"Adrianne!" Bastila screamed horror in her eyes.

The time seemed to slow down a little. I could hear the whistling of Alek's lightsaber as it flew through the air. I jumped, avoiding the lightsaber in last possible moment. I turned a somersault in the air and landed with my face to Alek. He was standing with his arm stretched, waiting for his lightsaber to return. I used the opportunity, rushing to him while he was unarmed, feeling the time for activating second blade had come. Alek easily dodged my first attack aimed at his legs by jumping over the blade. At this moment I activated the other blade. I was surprised when I felt resistance, I expected it to move smoothly through Alek's body. It threw me off balance and more so when Alek used the hilt of his lightsaber to hit me in my back, sending me staggering forward.

"Adrianne!" "Revan!"

Both Carth's and Bastila's voice got mixed together, foretelling the fatal blow Alek was about to deliver. Several blaster shots rang through the hangar. I heard the whistle when they hit the lightsaber. Carth's action gave me the precious time to finally turn around. But I wasn't prepared for what came.

"NO!"

What had been meant to save me only brought closer my defeat. Alek deflected one of the bolts at me. Before I could react, he grasped my shoulder and stabbed me in the stomach. The hot pain brought tears to my eyes. My breath caught in my throat and my hand found his arm, clenching to it in sudden spasm.

"Both of you – to the ship! Now!"

I didn't know what happened, but Alek was gone all at once and I was lying on the floor with pain paralyzing my whole body.

"Jolee!"

My vision started to black when I felt a tug at my arm.

"Move it!" I heard a rash voice. I was pulled to my feet, supported by a strong arm around my waist.

"Jolee! Revan's be..."

Everything was blurr and poured together into one bright smudge.

"I said move it!"

All I could feel was the hot, pulsing pain and how quickly I was getting weaker. The ground was shaking and suddenly I realized it was no longer under my feet. Was I flying? I felt so light and cold. I was tired. I closed my eyes and allowed my head to rest against the soft pillow under it.

...

"Where have you been?"

I stopped in mid motion and turned my head to look into the small room. He was sitting on the ground in meditation pose and despite his calm face I could feel he was upset. I bit my lip, closing the door behind me. "You're not sleeping yet?" I asked, trying to sound as causal as I could.

"Where have you gone?" he asked and opened his eyes, watching me put off the heavy, wet dark cloak I was wearing.

"I told you," my fingers ran through my damp hair. I slowly walked in the room and leaned with my elbows against the backrest of the only armchair in here. "I was discussing our next moves with Raenah."

"Again? I don't like it, Revan." He started frowning. "Not to mention I don't trust him. And you shouldn't either. He's our enemy!"

"He's not," I shrugged. "For your information, he agreed to present us to someone who might finally be able to get us inside that fort, or whatever it is," I waved my hand in the air impatiently. I desperately needed a shower.

Malak sprung to his feet and moved in my way, blocking it. "I know I've said that a thousand times, and to no vain, but you should stop it," he stated, crossing his hands in front of him. "And no, I don't want another argument."

I swallowed hard, giving a cold stare. "Then why do you bring it up again? I'm not thrilled about it either, Alek, but if it makes him cooperate with us...Besides, it's not all that bad. At least it makes me forget the horrors around us for a while," I added, sounding little more defeated than I intended.

Not so long ago, when I'd told Alek the truth about me and Raenah, he was furious. I'd let him yell at me to his heart's content, because I'd known this was just the accumulated stress from this place. We were there for several months, but it had already seemed like years. We had only each other, in a foreign place with completely different culture with different way of thinking. What our society always considered sick and twisted was normal here. This place was full of betrayal, anger and hatred, making it almost impossible to find an ally here. And worse off, the dark side was strong in this place too. It wasn't easy to listen to the Force's voice because of it. Even meditating couldn't bring us the desired peace that lacked on this planet.

"I know," he whispered and relaxed, giving me a sad look.

I approached the armchair again and sat down in it, closing my eyes. "Do you know what I see when I close my eyes?"

"What?"

"The storm, Alek. All I see is the stupid storm. I've never thought I would miss the sun one day, but here we go..." I sighed loudly, hiding my face in my palms for a moment. "But we might soon get out of here, Alek."

"How so?"

"I've already told you. In few days Raenah arranged a meeting with someone who could help us," I waved my hand at his forgetfulness and smiled. "Can you imagine? Returning to the Republic again? It seems unbelievable."

"Yeah, and we'll get exiled as soon as we step inside the Temple," he said with a lopsided smile. But it didn't sound sorrowfully. More like he didn't really care about the Order's opinion.

I laughed. "I wonder who's on the Council now."

"Well, I hope Master Vrook won't be there anymore," he admitted.

I gave him a broad smile. "Yeah, he'd enjoy giving us a lecture or two. But I have better idea. Instead of going to meet the Council , I'd visit the Chamber of Thousand Fountains. I used to love the soothing whispering of the running water. Or we could go back to Dantooine," I went on, and my smile froze on my lips at the memory of my second homeworld. "You know, I keep trying to remember how wonderfully the grove smelled, how quiet and peaceful it was, but I can't. It's slipping out of my grasp, Alek."

"Do you think it's possible?" Alek asked after awhile of silence.

"What?"

"Our return. Do you think we can...succeed? We have no idea what we're up against. What if he's much more powerful than we think? Don't you remembe Nathema?"

I sighed. "Alek, we can't be sure what caused the...it. But I know one thing: losing is not an option. For the sake of the Republic and the Order we have to defeat him."

...

Everything was strangely quiet and I felt tired when I slowly opened my eyes. I was lying on the seats in the main hold and everyone was gathered around me. Jolee was right above me and was looking at me with eyes full of worries and fear.

"Why the long face? Has anyone died?" I asked hoarsely, smiling, only vaguely aware of the strange feeling in my stomach.

Jolee looked up. "She's alright," he stated curtly and stood up from the ground. As I followed his gaze, I noticed another person standing nearby clothed in dark cloak with hood hiding his face.

"Raenah..." I called him. Everyone looked at him and I didn't miss the frown Carth gave him when the Sith moved to me. "Help me up," I ordered him and was genuinely surprised at how gently he helped me to sit up.

He wasn't excepting it at all when my fist flew from my side and landed flatly at his face in such force that it send him to the ground. "That's for making me walk with a hole in my stomach!" I snapped at him. "And why the fuck is he still alive?" I asked, looking around. "Blast it, it's Sith for the Force's sake! I thought you'd kill him as soon as he'd board the ship!"

"What?" Raenah growled, getting up.

"Shut up!" I looked daggers at him. "Do you take me for a fool, Raenah? Once I'd give you what you wanted, I'd sign my own death sentence! You're lucky my crewmates were too worried over me that they didn't care about you at all," frowned.

But my scowl soon faded away, when Raenah started laughing. "You think like a real Sith, human," he said after a while. "I can admire that. But do you really think any of those..." he looked at my friends scornfully, "...would be any match for me?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. "I believe you're unfamiliar with the ceremonial clothes of the Jedi Order. Jolee and Juhani are both Jedi, just like...wait a minute." My eyes went wide when I realized someone was missing. "Where is Bastila?"

* * *

><p>To be contiued. Okayyyy, took me - once again - much longer than I hoped, but now I have only myself to blame - there was always something that I didn't like and had to be rewritten (a hundred times...). To be concrete Revan and her darker self was the problem (but I'm slowly starting to love her that way, yes, I know, I'm evil, heh :), her reaction still seemed unreal to me (and some of them still are, but hey, nothing's perfect).<p>

The next chapter will change the original storyline - again - so be prepared for it (but I guess Raenah's presence already hinted the story would be a little different)

Anywayyyyy, thanks for reading and be so kind and good and post-Christmas-amiable and leave me a comment to let me know what you think ;) And my previous offer still stands - if you have any wish, or if you think there is something that just cannot be missing in the story, or how the story should eld, what fate should meet the characters, etc., etc., write me and I'll see what I can do about it :)

And because I'm definitely not going to update this year, I wish you all happy New year :)


	24. Promises

Disclaimer: I don't own Kotor or any of the characters

* * *

><p>"I'm here," she said in a faint voice from the other side of the holopanel. I looked over it and saw her lying on the seats. She was pale as death, and as I scanned her quickly, I spotted the clothes on her right hip were burnt, but the skin underneath had been healed.<p>

I wanted to stand up and rush to her, but Jolee leaned over Raenah and his firm hand pinned me back down. "No fast moves," he said strictly and nudged the Sith beside him. "Help her, slowly," he commanded him.

Raenah narrowed his eyes. He looked at Jolee for a moment, and then his eyes moved around the main hold. He was probably evaluating whether he could presume to disobey or not. He came to the conclusion he could not, because he reluctantly took my arm and helped me to my feet slowly, not uttering a single word. I clenched my teeth when my stomach hurt again and covered it with my hand. Through the hole in my shirt I could feel the burnt, sensitive skin.

"No, don't," Bastila smiled at me. "I'm alright."

"You're not, you fainted," Carth opposed her. He was standing beside her the whole time, glowering at the Sith who was still holding my arm unnecessarily.

"I didn't. The bolt just scratched me and my kneels buckled. I'm alright. Besides, there are much more serious matters we need to talk about," she admitted in a calm quiet voice and sat up, leaning with her elbows against the holopanel. Her eyes fell on the man beside me. She frowned.

Raenah chuckled. "I can feel your fear, Jedi. Why, do I terrify you?"

"Terrify?" Jolee echoed his words as if they were meant for him, kneading his chin with his fingers. "No, I don't think this is the word I'd use. Surprise, maybe, shock…" he mused.

Juhani was glowering too, looking suspiciously at him. "I thought your race was…gone."

"I thought you were all crawled in your precious Jedi Temple," he returned.

I cleared my throat and lifted my hand to cover Raenah's which was still resting on my arm. "I get the impression you haven't realized yet what situation you got yourself into. Let me tell you – you're not in a position to talk like that," I growled at him, giving him an icy glare. He returned the gaze and his grip tightened. But I didn't bat an eyelash at that. My stomach was hurting me much more than him to wince at that. "Let go of me at once," I hissed.

"Make me."

I grinned. "I don't have to," I said simply and tossed my head to the side. Raenah followed the motion with his eyes and lifted his eyebrows when he found himself staring right inside the barrel of Canderous's repeater. Jolee and Juhani had their lightsabers ready in their hands as well. When he looked back at me, I smiled at him sweetly. "Would you be so kind…?" I asked, mocking him of course.

He let his arm fall beside his sides, realizing the odds were against him. "Why do I have the feeling all of this was your plan from the start?"

"It wasn't and for that you should be glad. If everything had gone according to my plan, you'd have been dead," I stated curtly.

"Statement: Master, I say we rectify that!" HK proposed immediately. I wasn't sure if it was just my imagination or not, but for a moment he seemed to look sadly at Canderous, probably missing his own rifle.

"No," I disagreed. The second I said it, everyone looked at me as if I'd gone mad. "Raenah, I gave you my word to help you and I always honour my promises. I will tell you what I know and won't hurt you, but – of course – I can't speak for the rest of the crew," I added with a lopsided smile. "But remember this," I continued, "if you ever harm them, damage my droids, our equipment or our ship, I'll forget all my promises and deal with you as I see fit. Now you are the one who should remember who has the upper hand here. Am I clear?" I asked silently.

He grinned one of his sick smiles that immediately send chills run down my spine. "Crystal."

"I'm glad we understand each other," I said silently despite myself. He was planning something wicked, I knew it. "HK?" I turned to the droid. "I'll give you your rifle back…once I reassemble it…and you won't let Raenah out of your sight. You're allowed to shot him if he's doing anything of what I've mention."

At that point, HK's eyes lit with bright orange. "Confirmation: Yes, Master. I'll gladly follow your orders," he said in this bloodthirsty voice of his.

"Your lightsaber," I turned back to Raenah and stretched out my hand, palm up.

He casted a quick glance over the crew who had their weapons readied, before he handed me his 'saber, narrowing his eyes. He put it in my palm, but when my hand closed around it, he didn't let it go. He leaned close to me to whisper in my ear. "Do you remember the exciting sensation of my elbow crushing your windpipe? I hope you enjoyed it just like I did, because we're going to repeat it very soon."

I smiled and then literally purred: "I'll be looking forward to it, Raenah. " I stepped away from him after that. "Now, be so kind and follow HK to my quarters, I'll come to talk to you as soon as I'm done with my crew," I said politely and finally managed to wrench the lightsaber from his hand.

His eyebrows rose. "Your quarters, you say?" he said in a tone I definitely didn't like and I didn't miss the look he gave to Carth. _Okay, I understand he must have felt my affection towards someone, but how can he know it's Carth?_

"Shut up and do as you were told!" I ordered before he could add anything else.

"Of course. After all, I'll enjoy being with you in your quarters alone again."

"I told you to shut the hell up," I growled and gave him a push in the direction of the mentioned room. _Son of a bitch…_ I thought angrily while watching his back disappearing in the corridor. I let out a slow breath, combing my hair with my fingers, before I slowly sat down in the seat again, laying my hand carefully on the scarred skin on my stomach. I hid my face in my free hand, letting out a slow breath.

That was a major complication. I'd thought the crew would have killed him, but I hadn't expected Malak to defeat me. And now we were heading to Korriban. Korriban! With a Sith on board. I had no idea what to do. If it was only the two of us on this ship, everything would be much easier, but there were others. I'd made the mistake of showing him I cared for them and I was sure he would use it against me sooner or later.

/You want to talk to us about anything?/ Zaalbar asked suddenly.

"What?" I looked up at him to find him staring at me. "Yes," I nodded after a while. "Yes, I wanted to...yes," I repeated and slowly stood up again. "I..." I paused again and looked around. Bastila was still sitting half-hidden behind the holopanel, resting her elbows against it and looking at me with a strange expression in her eyes. Somehow she looked sad.

Juhani and Jolee were both near me and only now I noticed their hands were stained with blood, but they were unharmed, so it had to be blood of the Sith they'd encountered on their way to the hangar. _But it might me mine or Bastila's as well,_ I thought, once again aware of the dull pain coming from my belly.

"What about?" Juhani asked meekly when our eyes met. She was frowning and her brow was wrinkled. Was she worried? Or maybe afraid, just like Mission. She was standing partly behind Zaalbar as if he was to protect her from me. Me! I would never hurt her!

And Carth...I didn't even have the courage to look his way.

"About you. All of you. I mean...when you joined our cause, you did so not knowing who I really was. As absurd as it might seem, I didn't know the truth either. But I can't deny it anymore and because of that I need to ask you something," I made a short pause to prepare myself for the worst.

A pause Jolee used to speak: "Lass..." he started, but I lifted my hand to silence him. "No, let me say it at first," I said loudly, in a firm voice and emotionless face. It was just a mask, like the one I'd been hiding behind during the Mandalorian Wars. Back then I'd been hiding from foreign people, but now I was hiding from myself. I was ashamed for what I'd done and even more I was afraid of what their answers would be.

"I can imagine you see me in a different light. I know what reputation I have and I won't hold it against you if you refuse to work with me anymore. I'm not the woman you know. You wanted to help Raven, not me. Zaalbar," I turned to the Wookie. "I return you your life debt. You're free to go anywhere you want now. After all, I'm not the one who saved you on Taris. And that goes for all of you," I added, looking at my friends with the same indifferent expression as if the situation wasn't about me at all. "All you have to do is to name the place where you want me to drop you off and I promise I will do it." Finally, my proposition was out, although it didn't come easily. Every one of them found their way into my life and heart and I simply hated the thought of them leaving me. But I couldn't force them to stay with me if they didn't want.

And maybe it would be for the best if they left. For their sake. And safety.

"Or do you want me to guess?" I said when all they could do was to stare at me. "Dantooine?" I looked at Juhani. "Kashyyyk. Or Tatooine, depending on whose choice it would be," I gazed at Mission and Zaalbar and continued to Jolee. "Coruscant maybe? Just like Bastila and Carth?" I mused and turned my attention to Canderous. "How about Dxun? I've heard Mandalorians have returned there."

"And where would you drop off your guest?" Jolee asked with a hint of smile. Though I had no idea what it was he found so amusing.

"Raenah? Nowhere. I'm curious which one of us is to survive this little encounter."

"Survive?" Mission echoed silently. "Wait, you...you think he wants to kill you?"

I gave a humourless laugh. For a second I wanted to tell her I knew he wanted to kill me, because he'd been sent to kill me, but I knew better. "He's a Sith, Mission. And I'm a Jedi. Of course we aim to end each other's life."

"He's very powerful," Juhani joined the conversation.

I nodded. "And that's another reason why I'd prefer you gone. I'm not sure how long I could hold him on leash, if I manage it at all. I'd hate the thought of him hurting any of you," I was almost whispering the few last words. To show her I was serious and meant what I'd just said I kept looking Mission in the eyes.

They hardened suddenly and a new determined gleam appeared in them, just as she took a breath to speak. "Korriban," she stated loudly, frowning once again and crossing her arms in front of her body.

"What?" I asked in confusion. From the corner of my eyes I noticed Jolee smiled again and shook his head.

"The place where I want to be. It's Korriban."

"But..."

Her frown got deeper as she lifted her hand to stop me, making few more steps to me. "You care about us," she said softly despite her firm look. I wanted to ask what she meant by that, but she was faster to speak. "A good friend of mine, a Jedi for that matter, once told me the Sith are difficult to deal with and selfish," she went on, still coming closer. "I admit I was shocked when you and Carth were screaming at each other before we were kidnapped. I was terrified by the fact you were...Darth Revan." She still seemed a little hesitate to say the name out loud. "I heard so much about you, but you're not the same person anymore. All this time you've been making sure nothing would harm us, putting your own life at risk for us so many times I lost count of it back on Kashyyyk."

/Mission, you weren't with them on Kashyyyk./

"That's why I lost the count, Big'Z," she turned to her furry friend, a broad smile appearing on her lips again. And the sight of it was...incredible. Not so long ago I had sincerely doubted I'd have ever seen it again. And still, the fear in the girl's eyes when she had found out the truth was still fresh in my mind, causing me disbelieve what she was saying right now.

"The thing is," the Twi'lek focused her attention back at me, "you've been protecting us all this time. I doubt Darth Revan would do any of it."

/Mission's right,/ Zaalbar spoke up too. /I haven't sworn my life debt to Revan, but to you, whatever name you go by./

"Zaalbar, that's..."

"For the Force's sake, can't you just stay quiet for once in your life and let the others speak?" Bastila's voice sounded from my right, taking me off guard. I looked at the young, smiling woman with shocked expression. I watched as she stood up from her place and approached Mission and Zaalbar. "You know," she started, the smile leaving her lips slowly, "I am genuinely sorry for what the Council did to you. They had no right to put you under that kind of interrogation, especially as wounded, defenceless and weak as you were, and I'm not even talking about the side effects, like losing your memories. But at the end I dare to say it was a good thing. It gave you a second chance. It's..." the little smile found its way on her face again, "...great to have you back, Adrianne."

"Adrianne?" Mission looked curiously at Bastila, then her eyes moved to me. "So that's your real name? I like it."

"Yes, it's...it's one of my names. I seem to have plenty of them, like..." I paused hesitantly, shifting my weight and looking at Canderous from the corner of my eyes, "...like Revan the Butcher.

"Some of us call you that, but only those who cannot see what a great challenge it was, fighting you. For the rest of us it was an honour. And no matter how many our warriors you killed, how many our weapons destroyed and bases burnt, my opinion never changed. I was admiring you for your skills even after you took the Mandalore mask from us. Without you, the Republic would have suffered a humiliating defeat."

I found myself smiling slightly as the weight was slowly lifting from my shoulders. "I take it you're staying then?" I asked silently, not daring to believe what was happening. They really did want to stay with me.

"Count on it, sweet thing."

"I knew there was something of him in you," Juhani whispered, capturing my attention. "Do you remember it how I told you about the Jedi who saved me from the slavers?"

"At the beginning of the war? Yes," I nodded, feeling a strange sensation in my stomach and I knew where she was going.

"I never got to see his face," she went on, her fingers playing with the bottom of her tunic nervously, "but the stance, the way he..." she smiled, "I mean the way she was moving...it was you. It was Revan."

I bit down on my lip. As hard as I was trying to remember the scene while she was talking, I couldn't recall it.

She probably had to feel some of my feelings through the Force. Her face saddened a little. "You don't remember it, do you?" she asked and I only shook my head few times. "Well, don't trouble yourself over that. Just know you saved me, and again back on Dantooine, when I'd fallen to the dark side. You gave me the chance to start anew just like the Council had given it to you."

"Yeah," I said silently, tentatively reaching with my hand to touch the back of my neck, "the Force has a sick sense of humour."

"That's exactly what I thought when you appeared on Kashyyyk again," Jolee said and put his hand around my shoulder. "That and that you gained some weight since the last time. But I'm glad you came to your senses and started eating finally. You were all bones and it was ugly," he added with his typical cynic smile, pinching me in the side. I couldn't decide whether he was just making fun of me or not.

"And here you were so afraid," Bastila uttered after that, smiling what I could only describe as mischievous grin, which was something totally unlike her.

"Afraid?" Mission asked. "You were afraid we'd leave you? Oh-ho, no way, missy. We're in this together. When we needed you with our personal problems, you were here for us. So now we're here for you to help you stay on the right path...eh...l mean the path of the light? Is that how you say it, isn't it?" she looked at me for confirmation.

All at once all the doubts, the hesitation and fear were gone, leaving a pleasant surprise and a new hope in the future. But there still was something missing...as was one member of the crew. I ignored the empty feeling when I realized Carth had gone somewhere. "Okay," I said, trying my best to sound cheerfully. "I'm...I'm really, really relieved that you all see the matter that way. I wasn't expecting to..." I broke off. "Okay, I...thank you. But...I think I should go take care of our guest now, 'cause..."

"Apropos… " Bastila cut me off with a solemn expression. "What are you planning to do with him?"

I took a slow breath. "Frankly? I have no idea," I answered with a shrug.

"I do. You should report it to the Council. Let them know the Sith..."

"…are in their full force while we are at our worst? Bastila, the Order wouldn't survive another war. No," I shook my head. "As terrifying as it is, as long as they don't pose an imminent threat, this should stay a secret. The Order needs to gain its strength before it can take any action. Besides, now we really should concentrate on Malak," I reminded her of the little fact.

She frowned and I could feel her disapproval. She nodded however, taking me by surprise for a second time that day. "You're right of course. We need to stop him before he..." she hung her head suddenly. "Karath told us, me and Carth, Malak had bombarded Dantooine."

At the moment I recalled the dream I had had before the Leviathan captured us. "I know," I said after awhile. "I've dreamt about it."

She looked at me sadly. "I'm sorry. I know it was your home."

I looked away and shook my head. "That's probably the reason Malak decided to hit it," I mused, fisting my palms firmly, taking a sharp breath. "But I won't allow him to bring me to my knees again. Not this time."

"But the Council should now sooner or later," Bastila continued. "I trust you when you say we're not in danger right now, but..."

I nodded and approached her, laying a hand on her shoulder. "I will tell them eventually, but now is not the time."

"I understand," she said after a moment of hesitation. I looked at her hand as it covered mine. "It would be impetuous to act now."

I quirked an eyebrow, but took the matter as settled. "Very well. Than I really should go to him, he's known for many things, but patience is not among them," I said simply, smiling meekly and finally heading to my quarters, letting out a slow breath. Suddenly I felt much better than I had in days. Ever since I'd discovered the truth and my memories started coming back to me I had to struggle with my conscience daily. I was glad the truth was out finally. I was afraid and didn't dare to hope that things would have turned the way they did. I was convinced they would have left me the minute I'd have told them. Hell, it felt so good to be wrong.

And somehow the destruction of Dantooine wasn't bothering me as it should. It was making me think the place was indeed ruined, but the people survived. The local Council included.

All the thoughts left my mind however when I stopped in front of the closed door to my and Bastila's quarters. I took a slow breath before opening it and walking in the dark room. For some reason Raenah had left the lights off. I flicked my hand towards the switcher and the room lit with bright light. Raenah, who was sitting on the ground with his back leaned against the wall opposite the door, used his hand to shield his eyes, muttering something in his native language.

I smirked and looked at HK. The droid was standing above him and had two blasters in his hands. It puzzled me for a moment until I recognized the blasters to be those I'd been using on Taris. "HK, go fetch the parts of your rifle. I'll put it back together. Or, wait for me in the main hold. And give me these," I took both blasters from his hands and tossed them on my bed, ignoring Raenah for now.

"Confirmation: Yes, Master. I'll gladly follow your order."

When the droid turned around, I took a breath. /What was he doing when you lead him here? Did he say anything?/ I asked the droid in Mando'a, which was the first language that came to my mind.

HK turned around and moved his head to look at me, at Raenah and back at me. "Translation," he started, but – understanding my intentions - the rest of his answer came in Mandalorian language: /The meatbag only asked which bed was yours./

/Did he…/ I muttered under my breath. "Thank you, HK. Go," I ordered him and finally turned to Raenah. He was looking at me with one eyebrow raised curiously, waiting.

I tarried until the door shut behind HK, before I took a slow breath. "So? How do you like the ship? And what do you think of her crew?"

He narrowed his eyes, his tendrils twitched a few times, but unfortunately I failed to understand what it was supposed to mean. "You know what I think of this ship. As for the crew…Jedi scum, catwoman, walking carpet, humans…and a slave," he spat the last word. Then one corner of his lips perked up a little. "Though she's easy on the eyes."

"Is she?" I asked, nodding. In a slow pace I crossed the room and stopped right in front of him. He had to lift his head up to look at me and he very well understood what I meant by it. He finally stood up in a slow motion. "Listen to me, Raenah. You're not in the Empire now. Mission is not a slave and definitely she's not here to entertain you in any way your twisted mind has just imagined. She's a kid and…"

"Even better," he cut me off, giving me an arrogant sneer.

I wanted nothing more than to reach out and wipe it off his face, but I knew better. He wanted to provoke me, to make do something harsh and stupid, but I wouldn't give him the pleasure of manipulating me. "Do you remember the promise I gave you?" I asked calmly.

"The one about you helping me?"

"The one about me beheading you if you touch anyone or anything on board."

He lifted his eyebrows in silent question, waiting for me to add why I'd brought it up. "Well, let me specify it. As for Mission, if you touch her, harass her, or even look at her in a wrong way, you're dead."

He tilted his head to one side slightly, narrowing his eyes. He looked thoughtful for a moment, but he didn't leave me wondering what was on his mind for too long. "I can't decide whether you're that bold or just foolish, threatening a much stronger and more powerful opponent."

It was my time to give him scornful look. "Stronger? More powerful? Please. Maybe you had these qualities several years ago, but not anymore." My voice was loud, clear and rather insolent according to the anger that immediately narrowed his eyes.

"How dare you…" he started in a low voice, making another step to me that our bodies almost touched. I didn't back away. I stood my ground meeting his angry look with a serene one. However, I moved my hands to cover both mine and his lightsaber, just in case he'd try something stupid.

"…doubt you?" I cut him off. "Because you are here, Raenah. We both know the truth, so why hide anymore? Just like your influence changed me, I've changed you as well. That's the insidiousness of the Force bonds – they work both ways. But you didn't know that, did you?"

He clenched his jaw, but remained silence. Just as me, though, he refused to move from the spot. The proximity was slowly starting to annoy me.

"I don't know what the purpose of the ritual was, but it influenced me greatly. I can't deny the dark side in my veins. It's part of me now. But it's not controlling me anymore," I said.

And at the moment I remembered something. It was just a moment, just a flash of my memories, but it threw me off balance for a moment anyway. Finally I stepped away from him in sudden need for space. "Actually, it never did," I said faintly, remembering the short moment.

I saw Raenah. He was on his knees, breathing heavily and seemed to be in pain, just like I was. I couldn't remember anything than this and my own feelings. I was somehow tainted, my mind was full of dark and selfish thoughts, but I was still able to think clearly as if the thoughts didn't really belong to me. I was desperate and afraid, terrified, but it was still me.

"The ritual," Raenah said silently, "wasn't to control you. Not in the first place." He was speaking slowly, watching me closely. "It was supposed to kill you and hand your powers to me. As a reward for bringing you to the Emperor."

"But I'm still alive," I opposed him.

"Surprisingly you were much stronger then we anticipated. You resisted the ritual's affects and somehow managed to adjust it – we both lost something and we both gained something."

I nodded. It was now all making a sense. I smirked. "I started using the dark side to fool you into believing it was strong enough to submit me to your will. Your Master sent me to prepare the Republic for your arrival."

He shook his head. "If what you say is true, why did you destroy it then?"

_Good question._ I frowned and looked at the stupid datapad that was on top of my things; Bastila must have put it there. I approached my bag slowly, taking the datapad in my hands. It was so frustrating to hold my whole life in my hands and yet have it out of my reach.

"The question is: why are you here?" I said silently with my eyes still fixed on the datapad.

"I…don't really know. I was…"

I turned my attention back to him. "I can't help you if you don't tell me."

"I remember you were once talking to you friend…"

"…Alek…"

"Yes. You were talking quietly to prevent me from overhearing, but still managed to capture some of it. You mentioned something…some dreamy visions or…"

I frowned. I couldn't remember the moment he was talking about, but that didn't matter. "You were having a Force visions."

"I still am," he corrected me.

That interested me. "What are they about?"

He scowled. "I don't care. I want to get rid of them, not to encourage them or look for their meaning!"

I sighed. "How little you know…listen, the Force hasn't given you the visions groundlessly," I repeated what Master Zhar had said more than a thousand times to me during my training. "If you want to get rid of them, you need to understand them at first."

"I can't even if I wanted. They are blur and vague."

I nodded. _Just like mine were…_ "I know how to fix that, but that needs time. It's not a matter of few hours."

"How? How do you intend to…fix…it?" he asked slowly.

I bit my lip. "I'm going to teach you how to concentrate on the Force, to listen to it. It won't be easy; you need to calm your mind down at first. If you weren't...well..._you_ I'd teach you how to meditate in order to do so. But I doubt it would work with you."

"It wouldn't," he reassured me and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

I bit my lip again, pressing the datapad close to my chest, hugging it with both my arms. "Then I'll think of something," I mused silently. "For now, you may move around the ship, but remember my warning, Raenah. Keep your distance from my friends. Especially Mission."

He smirked, but didn't say anything.

"I take it as an understanding," I said curtly and turned around. I knew HK was waiting for me impatiently in the main hold.

"Statement: Master, I was about to go check on you," he greeted me when I finally arrived.

I smiled. "If I didn't know you, I would think you were seriously worried about me, but you were just afraid who would assemble your rifle if something happened to me, huh?" I teased him. I knew it wasn't true. His programming was clear; my well-being was his top priority.

"Master, now you hurt me," he started defending himself. "You are my favourite Master, Master."

"I'm your only Master," I reminded him with a smile. I set the datapad on the holopanel and started working on his carbine.

"Confirmation: Yes, Master. But you weren't always there to be my Master."

I nodded. "Yes, I know, and I'm sorry for that. Surely it must have been terrible to be without such a good Master as me," I joked. "What happened to them anyway? How did you end up in the Ithorian's shop?"

"Statement: They mostly ended up dead."

"Figures..." I whispered under my breath. But I knew he could hear it.

"...as for how I found myself in the care of that terribly slow and incredibly stupid meatbag, I'm afraid my memory core doesn't have the answer."

"Hm," I frowned and handed him the fully functional rifle now. "Maybe I should look where the problem is, but not now."

His eyes literally lit with bright orange and he gripped his rifle tighter. "Query: Is there someone that you need killed, Master?"

My eyebrow quirked. "No, you're to guard Raenah and kill him only when he violates the rules I've set. But I've already told you that. Don't you remember?" I asked with my hands akimbo.

"Confirmation: I remember, Master. I just wanted to be sure," he exclaimed and in quick strides he made his way towards my quarters. I chuckled. "Yeah, you wanted to make sure if I accidentally hadn't changed my mind and didn't want you to kill him right away. Crazy droid."

_But I have only myself to blame. I programmed him this way… _I thought with a smirk. I leaned against the holopanel and looked at my hands for a moment, letting out a very slow breath. The past few hours were incredible and crazy. And it was only beginning. Sooner or later Raenah would know where we were heading and I was worried about bringing him with us. But leaving him here would be much greater mistake. I closed my eyes and brought one hand to cover them. "Sometimes I really wish I was just an ordinary woman," I whispered. Then I turned around and sat down on the cold material. "No, you don't, Adrianne .That would be too boring life for you," I argued with myself, using the Force to pull Raenah's lightsaber into my hand.

I frowned, turning it in my palm few times. It was much heavier than mine, or Bandon's for that matter. It didn't have any emitter shrouds to protect the hand holding the simple hilt which was by the way a little longer than what I was used to at usual one-bladed lightsabers.

I heard the remote sounds of Mission and Zaalbar entering the cargo hold. I bit my lip when I got the idea.

I followed the couple, stopping at the doorframe. Zaalbar was at the food synthesizer while Mission was sitting on the mattress placed the ground. "Hey, _Adrianne_," she smiled at me, leaning back on her palms. "I really like the name. Way better than Raven if you ask me."

"Thanks," I smiled at the girl.

"What is it?" she was looking at the lightsaber in my hand.

Without any warning I tossed it at her. She skilfully caught it and gave it a puzzled look before she lifted her eyes to me again. "Eh...why..."

"I know you had a vibroblade on Taris," I stated instead of giving a simple explanation, "which means you were trained in the melee combat. At least a little."

"Okay," she frowned, "now you're scaring me? Why would you be giving me this thing?"

"For protection. If you haven't noticed we have a Sith on board and he's dangerous. I know it's not true, but in his eyes you're the easiest target, so be wary of him. And you," I turned to Zaalbar. He had mouth full of some cookies at the moment, but when I gazed at him he tried to look as dignifiedly as he could with crumbles in his fur "Don't you ever leave her alone. Not even for a second."

"You know," Mission uttered, standing up with the lightsaber in her hand, "I realize he's dangerous and a Force-user, but isn't this a little far-fetched? I mean..."

"It's not, Mission. Your kind is...Twi'leks have even lower position in the Sith society then anything that you could have ever seen on Taris. Even Hutts treat their slaves with a greater respect."

Mission bit her lip and her head moved to the direction of my quarters. "You think he would hurt me?" she asked in a low voice, finally realizing how serious the matter was.

I shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe he was just trying to irk me, provoke me, but with him I never know."

"So he was saying something of that sort about me," she concluded and brought up her hand. She opened her palm, looking at the weapon in it. "Okay. Thanks for this one." She laughed after that. "Hey, imagine his face when he finds out I have his lightsaber."

That was so Mission-like. "You're always looking at the bright side, huh?" I tilted my head slightly, smiling too.

"Someone has to," she answered and was examining the lightsaber eagerly.

I bet she didn't even notice when I turned around and left the cargo hold. There was still one person I needed to talk to. Strangely, it was probably the last person in the galaxy who would want to hurt me and yet I was terrified at the thought of him. I wanted to cross the main hold simply and continue to the cockpit before I could change my mind; I needed to talk to him. To be honest, I wasn't even sure what exactly I should tell him. I just felt the things between us shouldn't be left that way. And maybe, just maybe, we could find a way to each other again. At least I was hoping we could.

I only stopped to collect the datapad from the holopanel and at the moment T3 appeared by my side, chiming. It was strange, as Raven, I had been unable to understand the sound, but now, with my some of my memories back, I understood him well enough.

"A message?" I asked incredulously. "For me? Oh, Jasmine..." I realized. I moaned and covered my face with my hand. "Thanks for letting me know, T3, I'll see the recording later however. I need to..." I broke off. I sent the little droid a sad apologetic smile before I finally started making my way to the cockpit.

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><p>End of the chapter, to be continued. Okay, as I said I would, I changed the story – I always thought the whole "Bastila sacrificed herself so that we could get away" thing was needless. I know it was an important part of the story and it had its consequences later in the game, but I never liked it. So much for teh author's words, guys :)<p>

Just one more thing, my duties takes me – once again (yeah, I'm very busy person) – away from the town so you won't hear from me for some time (okay, where is the change? :D), I just wanted to let you know.

Thanks for your patience, thanks for reading the story and thanks to everyone who finds the time to review. It's really encouraging and absolutely fantastic to read your kinds words and opinions.

**Rachel Nielsen**: Thank you That's very nice of you. I only hope you'll like the next chapters just as well :)


	25. Fun

Disclaimer: I don't own Kotor, unfortunately

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><p>Bastila's and Carth's soft voices could be heard on half-way to the cockpit and they stopped me for a moment to hear what they were talking about. It was nothing serious as I'd been afraid at first, just something about Korriban and about what our next steps should be.<p>

I took a slow breath to calm down before I brought myself to finally enter the cockpit with an easy smile on my lips. I was trying so hard to look casually and as if nothing bothered me. To be frank, the talk with Carth frightened the hell out of me, but I was decided to appear as strong as usually. Although my: "Hi," came a little quieter and less confident than I'd planned, but they didn't seem to notice. In truth, Carth's head remained turned away from me, ignoring me. Bastila, on the other hand, looked at me and greeted me loudly, breaking the terrible silence. "So you're done talking with the Sith?" she added.

I nodded. "For now. He needs to be put to his place from time to time however."

"He seems to listen to you," she said, looking at me with a blank expression, but somehow I knew she was wondering about our history.

I shook my head slowly. "He doesn't. He only knows the odds are against him right now. Raenah's no fool. He knows every threat I made in the main room was serious." One corner of my lip perked up a little as another memory shot through my mind. "I can defeat him in a fight and he's aware of that. I've done it before," I ended in a whisper. It had happened the first day we met. Our employer sent me and Alek to eliminate a certain person and bring back his holokron. And because killing Sith wasn't anything we would lose our sleep over, we accepted. We met Raenah there, as he was sent by his own Master to kill the same person, what a stupid coincidence. He wanted the same thing as we did, so we duelled and I managed to get him cornered, but before I could deliver the killing blow, Alek shouted at me he'd killed the target and took the holokron and that we should get out of there. And so we did. Right after we returned to hand over the holokron we found out it wasn't a coincidence we'd met. Our employers had been arguing whose killers were better. I got terribly punished, because on one hand I defeated Raenah, but on the other hand I let him live – both our employers lost.

I shuddered and goose bumps prickled my skin at the memory of the pain. "Anyway, I let HK with him, just in case," I added loudly again focusing on the present again.

"A wise decision," she nodded and for a moment her eyes went to Carth. She stood up slowly. She opened her mouth to say something, but apparently changed her mind. She closed it again and left the cockpit without any sound, leaving me and Carth finally alone. I admit, this was exactly what I wanted, but suddenly I found myself yearning to follow her. And Carth seemed to be as uncomfortable with the upcoming talk as I was; he tensed and I noticed he was looking at my reflection in the cockpit window with a frown.

Tentatively I took up the empty co-pilots seat, moving slowly so that Carth, if he wanted, could always tell me to get lost, but he didn't say a thing. His eyes were focused in front of him, but this time he was watching the blue and black tube of the whirling hyperspace outside. It was a beautiful sight indeed.

"Thank you," I started finally, clearing my throat.

"What for?" he shrugged. I was glad for once that his voice didn't sound irritated. He was still frowning though.

"For saving my life," I explained and shifted in the seat, turning to him.

He gave an empty chuckle. "You've probably mistaken me for someone else. As far as I remember, I didn't use the Force to part you and Malak, nor I dragged you in the ship," he said calmly, however there was this queer overtone in his voice, but I couldn't put my finger on it. It was making me uneasy, but I tried to put the thoughts aside.

"And as far as _I_ remember, Raenah didn't have any long-ranged weapons. I mean...I would have been dead if you hadn't distracted Malak from striking me down."

I watched his profile get a little darker as his scowl deepened and he clenched his jaw. "You have nothing to thank me for. I didn't save you," he stated after a while of silence.

"You did," I opposed him. "I know it wasn't anything special on your part. After all," I gave a pause to take a breath, "you've never left anyone behind and you never will, but..."

"I didn't save you," he repeated in grim voice to hide the anger that finally found its way in it.

"Yes, you did," I kept my ground. "Without your interference he would have...cut me in a half probably. Or beheaded me or severed one of my arms."

"Yeah," he growled, "so he stabbed you instead. What a jackpot," he shook his head and turned it away from me. His hands finally let go of the ship's controlling and rested on the armrests of the pilot's seat. I noticed how tightly he grabbed them; his knuckles went white.

I didn't know what to say for a moment when it all had dawned on me. "Is that why you're angry?" I asked hesitantly. "Because..."

"Very well," he cut me off and paid me an impatient glance. "Have it your way. I saved you. You're welcome. Is that all?" he asked curtly.

I sighed, closing my eyes for a moment. "Yes, that's all I wanted," I said, realizing he wasn't in mood for talking at all, let alone for talking to me, and stood up. It was funny, just three months ago our positions were switched; back on Taris it had been Carth who approached me on the eve of the race to talk to me and I was the one sulking. Somehow our problems we'd had seemed petite now and I wished we'd been there again. Yes, it was escaping or dying – and the situation hadn't changed a bit ever since - but I didn't know about who I really was and had no idea Raenah existed and would show up some day, claiming to be sent to end my life and at once asking for my help. "I just wanted to let you know it meant something for me that you saved me. Again. Even thought it was nothing to you. I..." I hung my head, watching the datapad in my hands. Without holding on it I was sure they would tremble uncontrollably. "I doubt I could do the same, you know? Help someone I hate with all my heart," I whispered, looking at my face reflected in little the glistening screen of my datapad. It was deformed a little due to the tiny scratches on its surface and for moment I considered the thin scar on my left cheek to be one of them as well.

The cockpit fell into a deafening silence again. Only the quiet sounds of the ship and distant voices of Jolee and Bastila talking in the main room were disturbing it. I was about to finally leave him, when he spoke up. "It's not about hating you or not hating you. Right now you're the only person who knows where my son is."

I bit my lip, taking a slow breath and bracing myself for another storm. In slow motion I turned around and seated myself again. I was followed by his gaze the whole time. Our eyes met, finally, after so long. I tried to read in them, but they relieved nothing of his feelings. "He's on Korriban," I said in a week voice.

His eyes widened at first, then narrowed and he was speechless for a second. "Where?" he asked incredulously as if he couldn't believe his own ears leaning closer to me as if to make sure he hadn't misheard.

"Korriban. But it was his choice," I started to defend myself.

"His choice?" he repeated. His voice was calm and quiet, but his eyes betrayed the anger in him. "You mean he chose to join the academy?"

"Yes. He fell in love with this girl, Satine, Selene..." I was trying to remember, but couldn't. I didn't even know how the girl looked like anymore. "Argh! It doesn't matter! She joined the Academy and Dustil simply followed. He wanted to be with her and there was nothing I could say or do to make him reconsider. But I tried, believe me," I blurted quickly, trying to explain that I'd had little say in the matter.

"Don't bother," he said and shook his head lightly. I opened my mouth to speak, but he lifted his hand to stop me. "Don't bother, I said," he repeated, more firmly this time. "I don't believe a single word you say. Why would he join the Sith? They killed his mother, they destroyed Telos!" Now his voice was rising.

I looked away from him. I knew why Dustil wanted to stay with the Sith, but I was too afraid to tell him.

"Wow...the mighty Revan has nothing to say?" he asked, sarcasm and mockery dripping from his voice as venom. "Should I feel honoured?"

"Because of you," I whispered and kept avoiding his gaze. "Because of you," I repeated louder, still not looking at him. "He needed you, Carth. He was just a boy when you left to fight the Mandalorians. He didn't understand what it would mean if the Republic accidentally lost; all he saw was his father wasn't with him," I said, finally lifting my eyes to him.

That seemed to take him aback. He straightened again and for once his face bore signs of surprise instead of anger. And that was my chance; he was listening now. "He missed you so much, Carth. Every day he kept asking when daddy would come home again."

"Then why didn't he contact us? Why didn't he try to get in touch with me?"

"He lost faith in the Republic and in you," I said softly. "You were his hero, but you failed him, Carth. And children don't bear it with ease when their idol lets them down."

"So you say it's my fault?" he asked, crossing his arms in front of him, frowning again.

"No, I don't," I shook my head. "I can't deny I influenced him as well. I saw his talent he inherited after Morry and was training him. But I'm not the reason he turned his back to the Republic. When he arrived on board Spark – that was my flagship – after the massacre on Telos, I offered him to take him to Coruscant to drop him off to his grandparents, but he refused to be part of the Republic anymore. He hates it, Carth, because he feels it was taking you from him all his young life. And he hates you because you weren't here for him when he and Morry needed you most. He lost everything and everyone and the girl somehow helped him to find himself again. So he followed her on Korriban."

He looked thoughtful and disturbed. I was glad he was really considering what I'd just told him.

I looked at the datapad in my hands again. I had wanted to try to break the password again, but maybe... "Sometimes all a person needs is being offered a different point of view," I whispered to myself and stood up. Maybe he could succeed, where I had failed. "Think about it. Do you really think Dustil would have wanted to stay with me if it had been me who destroyed his whole world?" I asked while approaching his seat. I laid the datapad in his lap.

He took it with one hand and used the other to take mine to stop me from leaving. "Wait a minute. That's the datapad the sand people chieftain gave you. Why are you..."

"I understand why you don't believe me, Carth, but I'm speaking the truth. And here," I touched the datapad he was holding, "it is. It's my diary I kept from when I was a little girl," I said softly and pulled my hand away from him. He let go and turned his attention at the datapad. I heard the silent beep as he turned it on.

"It requires a password," he looked at me standing in the doorframe.

I smiled. "Precisely. Unfortunately, I don't remember it. And neither me, nor Bastila managed to get inside yet. Maybe you'll be luckier."

"Wait a minute. The password could be...anything! How am I supposed to find it?"

I shrugged. "Keep trying. Take it as a price for the knowledge." And with that I paid him one last smile before leaving finally. And somehow I felt at peace. I had expected him to start screaming at me the minute I would enter the cockpit.

"It's great to see you smiling," Jolee stated. He'd been eating, but now he let go of the fork and focused his attention on me.

Bastila was still there too and when she saw me she immediately asked me how it went.

"Better than I hoped for," I nodded, seating beside Jolee. I put my head in my hands and let out a relieved breath. "He doesn't seem to be angry at me," I mumbled through my fingers.

"I thought he wouldn't," Jolee said and according to the tone of his voice he was probably smiling, but I didn't lift my eyes to see it. I had them closed, enjoying the moment, because I had little doubt the peace wouldn't last long.

"How so?" Bastila asked. She sounded indifferent as usual.

Jolee let out a sigh. "Lass, I'm an old man and my old eyes have seen many things. I simply noticed something which made me believe he wouldn't condemn Revan so quickly."

"What did you notice?" I lifted my head finally from my palms.

He simply smiled and his hand tugged at the bottom of my ruined clothes. "Go change," he recommended me instead of answering. I knew it was futile to argue with him, so I simply obeyed him. When I stood up from the seat I gave him a lop-sided smile. "One day I'm gonna get all the answers I want from you, old man."

...

_"So what's going on? You've been quiet for quite some time and it's really starting to make me nervous, Raven. Have you...have you managed to get yourself into some mess? Do you need help?" _Jasmine broke off and looked sadly at me, hesitating. _"I keep thinking about what the record said. I can't think of any other explanation than that your memory was damaged more than we thought and if it's true, you should visit hospital again. Maybe it's nothing I don't know, but I'm getting a bad feeling about this all. I know it's not my business and you really don't have to explain to me despite the promise you would, but I'm your friend and I worry about you. Take care and call me soon."_

I sighed. "Thank you, T3," I looked at the droid. He beeped shortly and turned off the projecting_. _

I shook my head. "No, I'm not going to answer her. In no time we're on Korriban and then it's only a matter of days until we arrive on Lehon and Star Forge. And by that the Republic will know about everything, because I'll need them to destroy the factory."

T3 chimed few times, changing the colour of his optic sensor from dark blue into so bright, it seemed white for a moment. He was excited.

I smiled weakly. "Yes, we're going to blow the thing up together with Malak and the rest of his minions." _And if I'm very, very lucky, Raenah might find his death there too...if I only find the way to make him go with me._

I knew he wasn't interested in anything we were doing. He was very moody ever since we had left Leviathan, because of the slow progress he was making. He simply couldn't calm his mind enough to focus on the visions and he refused to tell me what they were about so that at least I could help him. Not to mention he was incredibly mad at me for giving his lightsaber to that...well, I wasn't sure, what exactly he said; he finished the sentence in a series of expletives in the Sith language. However I had little doubts who he meant. But for once I was glad he was so glum all the time. I waited until he had one of the furious moments to ask him if he wanted to come with us on the surface, despite the fact he hadn't found out where we were heading to. But when I told him he would have to wear a breathing mask to conceal the hideous tendrils on his face, he unscrupulously told me to sod off and leave him alone.

"Adrianne!" Mission's voice carried through the ship. "Where are you? We're waiting!"

T3 reacted immediately. He turned and wheeled through the door from my quarters. I followed the little droid. Everyone was already gathered in the main hold, waiting impatiently, most of them Mission. She was anxious for another "war briefing." And the second I entered I noticed she had Raenah's lightsaber on the holopanel in front of her for everyone to see. I smirked.

The mentioned Sith appeared from the corridor leading to the garage at the same moment, with HK at his heels, and he frowned at the company. He stopped in his tracks and his eyes lingered on his lightsaber. His right hand clenched and flexed again.

I reached out and soon I felt the cold material against my palm. I fastened the 'saber to my belt. "HK?" I turned to the droid. "Take Raenah...well...anywhere, but not here. We're going to discuss things he's not interested in and I would hate to bother him," I said sweetly.

"Statement: Move it, meatbag, you heard the Master!" HK addressed Raenah and when they were passing me by I smiled at him.

When he was gone, Mission wriggled in her seat. "I'm sorry," she said and reached with her hand to me as if she wanted the lightsaber back. I shook my head. "Why not?" she whimpered. "I said I was sorry. I won't let it lying around like that again."

"A slave with a lightsaber would be highly suspicious, Mission," I said, smiling, giving the lightsaber to Canderous. I knew he was immune to Jedi mind tricks so if Raenah tried something, it would not work on him. Provided he would bother with mind tricks.

Mission gave me a perplexed look, but then her eyes lit merrily. We had discussed that anyone who would come with me on Korriban would play my slave. "You're taking me with you?" she asked.

Juhani frowned and looked at me. "Are you sure, Revan?"

I nodded. "The ship's now more dangerous than Geonosis." Since Raenah were so oblivious to the place where we were about to land, we had decided not to use Korriban's true name. Juhani suggested to call it Geonosis, since it was a desert planet too, just in case the Sith knew something about our galaxy.

The girl bit her lip eagerly. "Fantastic!"

"You got to be kidding," Carth murmured, looking at the young Twi'lek.

"Don't spoil the fun, republic," Canderous said while absentmindedly playing with the lightsaber in his hands.

"Fun?" the pilot echoed. "This is your definition of fun?"

I looked on the floor, smiling mildly. "Better than walking into rancor's nest armed with only a single grenade," I whispered.

Mission smiled, remembering the scene I was talking about. "Yeah, that was crazy." But it wasn't her positive reaction which literally warmed my heart – I noticed the memory brought slight smile on Carth's face as well.

"Who else's coming with you?" Juhani asked.

"Jolee. I'll need a healer," I stated curtly.

/That always puzzled me,/ Zaalbar spoke up. /Why don't you ever heal yourself? Does it work that you can only heal others?/

I shook my head. "Eh, no, Zaalbar. I was trained as a Jedi Guardian, which means I was trained mostly in combat and similar techniques and force powers. I've never managed to learn how to heal. I've tried, but..." I shrugged. "Anyway," I went on, looking at the holopanel in front of me, "the last one coming is Carth."

/You're not taking Bastila?/ Zaalbar asked, looking at the young Jedi. She was standing by my right, with her hands behind her back. "No, she's not," she answered instead of me. "We've agreed it would be safer if I stayed here."

"Safer?" Carth asked.

"Don't forget Malak was searching for her," Jolee reminded him.

"And still is," Mission added.

I nodded. "Okay, guys, so that's settled. I expect you three to be ready once we land. And don't forget to bring some warm clothes with you on Geonosis."

/Why should they? Isn't it just one big desert?/ Zaalbar asked curiously.

"It is," I admitted. "But to get to the star map I need to get access to a certain tomb, which can be achieved only through winning a little popularity contest. And to win I need to dig for few treasures in the alley behind the Academy."

"Still makes no sense," Canderous pointed out. "You'll be digging in the dirt in the desert."

I smiled. "Not in the dirt. The treasures I'm talking about are hidden inside tombs or caves and they are sort of cold."

...

Dreshdea looked as much as I remembered it. Hot, windy and dark – not thanks to the lack of light, even though there wasn't much of it, but the feeling of this place made my skin crawl.

"Nice hangar," Mission smiled when she ran down the ramp behind me. She listened to me and finally was wearing a long sleeves and trousers. Her belt seemed strangely empty without the holsters and blasters.

"Just a hangar," Carth couldn't understand her enthusiasm when he followed as well. His mood was grim. He was frowning and kept his hands in his pockets. Jolee followed the couple wordlessly, looking around with his typical mysterious smile.

"It's not just a hangar. It's a promise of something adventurous," Mission didn't let Carth ruin her excitement.

I shook my head, ignoring them, and approached the Twi'lek Sith dressed in a black and grey uniform of the Academy. He was standing behind a console in front of the closed hangar door. He didn't even bother to lift his eyes to me. /It's nice to see this girl again,/ he said, working on the console, and simply tossed his head in the direction of the Ebon hawk.

"You know my ship?" I asked curtly. I had the thumbs of my hands stuck behind the belt and the fingers of my right hand were touching the hilt of my double-bladed lightsaber.

/But of course,/ he said and finally met my eyes, but just for a moment before they drifted to the beauty behind me. /She's been there quite often this last year. I mean.../ he chuckled, /I'm not interested in any of her business – or the one of her crew, but...never mind./ He cleared his throat. /It's twenty five credits as a landing fee./

I gave a shrug and beckoned Mission to hand him the credits.

/Thank you. Enjoy your stay, Jedi,/ he said after he opened the door.

I stopped, standing in the doorframe, looking over my shoulder at him. "I'm no Jedi. You better remember it the next time we meet."

/No Jedi. If you say so,/ he shrugged and I let the matter drop. I entered the large corridor with walls made of glass to see all the _Geonosis's_ beauty; sand and rocks. The wind was blowing, lifting grains of sand and throwing them about, making it hard to see anything outside in spite of the blue sky and shining sun.

The corridor itself was empty except for one person. The green-skinned Twi'lek was leaning casually against the wall with his shoulder, pretending to be reading something in his datapad. Yes, pretending – the corridor was dark, lit only by the light from the outside coming through the glassy walls, which wasn't much due to the wind, so one would expect to see his face lit by the dim light of the datapad's screen. But his face was half-hidden in a shadow as he had his head bent down to the deactivated device.

_He is waiting for someone, _I thought. And the way his eyes oh-so-nonchalantly travelled over us three filled me with certainty his waiting was at the end.

I stopped in front of him, hands crossed. "So, do we know each other?" I asked without delays.

He lifted his eyebrows as he his gaze travelled over me from head to toe. "No," he admitted and straightened, pocketing the datapad. "But I know you."

"I thought as much. That's why I talked to you in the first place."

He chuckled. "My...I didn't want to believe all the rumours, but I guess something must be true about your powers, Lord Revan."

"Oh...a bootlicker?" I said mockingly. "I'm sorry to let you down, but if you want power, you've got the wrong person. I'm not the Lord of the Sith anymore."

"It doesn't matter," he waved his hand and wanted to come closer to me, but when I used my hand to pat Bandon's lightsaber few times, he stopped.

"Who are you anyway? And how did you find out about me?" I asked impatiently. _Especially when not so long ago I didn't know it myself,_ I added inwardly when I sent the Twi'lek a frown.

"Well," he started with a smile, "it was one big coincidence. We've been watching your ship for some time and recently she's been travelling from one world to another and we were curious why. So we used one moment back on Tatooine when your ship was all empty to plant a bug inside."

"A bug..." I repeated softly. "Most interesting..." I narrowed my eyes. I was decided to contact the ship and ask T3 to search the ship thoroughly.

"And, of course, some gossips from the Sith fleet. There are many soldiers and money can do wonders..." he smiled and shrugged.

I took a slow breath. On one hand, I couldn't feel any deceive from him; he didn't want to blackmail us or anything. It was reassuring and scary at once. What was it he wanted then? "And you're telling me all this because...?"

"Let's say it's our common interest to defeat your former apprentice. We offer you our help."

"And we're to believe that?" Carth blurted suddenly, making few steps forward. I put a hand in front of him to stop him from going further, watching the Twi'lek carefully for any sign of his intentions. "How?" I asked slowly.

"Information?" he asked with a slightly raised eyebrow.

I gave a laugh. "Are you forgetting who you're talking to? There's isn't any other person in this galaxy who knows Malak better than me. I know of his next action and moves even before he does. I don't need help with that."

"And do you know how to get inside the Academy yet?" he asked, the sly smile never leaving his face. And when I hesitated, he nodded. "I thought so. I have two words for you, my Lord. Yuthura. Ban." And with that, and a mocking bow, he walked into the hangar.

"Yuthura Ban? Who is it?" Mission asked when the hangar door closed behind him. "Some your old acquaintance?"

I shook my head. "Not yet. But I'm intending to rectify that."

"And how do we know how he looks like?" Jolee stepped in when we went on down the corridor. I ignored his question for a while. I was busy talking to T3 about the bug in our ship. When I was done, I frowned. "I don't know. But we'll find a way, ask around for him."

"Or her," Mission offered. "Because, you know, Yuthura – I don't think a guy would have name like that. At least any normal parent wouldn't name their boy Yuthura."

I snickered, looking at her. "You have a point. So now we're looking for a woman. Is anyone thirsty?" I asked with sweet smile.

"Are you paying?" Jolee joked.

I shook my head. "Mission holds the purse," I said

"I'm not really sure I like the idea," Mission protested, when we entered the little square. Alongside its walls – because everything in Dreshdea was in a one large building – were stands with remarkable variety of goods, from food and drinks, over clothes, armours and weapons to droids or spare parts for ships. The prices were ridiculously high when it came to weapons, I noticed, but the number of various kinds of weapons, blasters, rifles, carbines, grenades, swords, vibroblades and other stuff was incredible! This square could supply a small army with all this equipment. And some of the arms were even illegal in the Republic space.

"Of paying? Or going into cantina?" Carth asked her. We passed a shop with at least twenty kinds of grenades and I didn't even know there was that much of them. I was trying to remember which of them I had used during the wars, but I could recall throwing only freg, poison, thermal and sonic grenades.

"Cantina. I mean...drunken Sith?" she broke off. She was walking closely by my side, biting her lip nervously, watching the people around us. Mostly they were dressed in the Sith uniforms from both Empire and the Academy. Local citizens were here too, of course, but they kept off the main area, walking along walls so that they wouldn't get into someone's way and therefore a danger. The rest, they were smugglers, thieves and other pleasant folk.

"Keep close to me, don't look at anyone, don't talk to anyone and you should be fine," I tried to calm her down, laying a reassuring hand on her shoulder, while watching the amazing display of light battle armours. Suddenly I wished we'd been richer.

She put on a brave face and nodded, looking around cautiously. "I doubt I have ever seen so many weapons and armours in one place," she stated, looking at a grotesquely expensive Arkanian shields.

"You haven't been on Nar Shaddaa apparently," Carth mumbled.

"This way," I said after I finally spotted a sign pointing to cantina and led us through the crowd to one of the exits.

It was as if a warning red light flashed inside my mind when a tall, thin blonde with a scornful look stepped into my way, making me stop in my tracks. My eyes narrowed as I scanned the woman in front of me and thousands thoughts crossed my mind. Was she someone I had known? Why did she stop us? Did she overhear our conversation? She was from the Academy, that much was clear. But maybe she just wanted to cause troubles.

"What have we here," she started in confident voice, her chin lifted slightly and there was a superior smile playing on the corner of her lips. "Newcomers in the colony, led by a Jedi no less," she spat the sentence, looking over her shoulders at two men standing behind her. Both were about her age and dressed in the black and grey uniform as well. They were smaller than she was, but had the same air of arrogance about them. I didn't miss the lightsabers that were proudly hanging from their belts.

"I hate Jedi," one of the guys said, making few steps forward. He stopped beside the woman, casting a sideways look at her as if asking for permission. "They always think so highly of themselves, just because they already know something."

"Great," a man voice sounded behind me, making my eyes grew wide, "a group of Sith who wants to steal our lunch credits," Carth stated curtly and his clothes rustled as he folded his hands in front of him.

The muscles on my right arm tensed as I was about to reach for my weapon, but was taken aback when the woman started laughing. "Well, well, they're amusing, aren't they?" she turned to the two minions of hers. "You know," she focused on us again, turning serious once more, the look in her icy blue eyes was stern, "here in Dreshdea it's up to Sith to decide whether you leave this colony or not at all. And we are Sith," she informed us as if the fact wasn't obvious at all.

"Don't say," Mission said boldly too, probably encouraged by Carth's performance.

This time the woman frowned a little and put her hands on her hips...dangerously close to the lightsaber as I noticed with a glower. "You don't seem to be taking the message. Do you have any idea how many of us are in colony?" she asked, a cold dripping from her voice.

"Is it a riddle?" Carth stepped in. "How many guesses do we have?"

"I think there are fifteen of them here," Mission played along.

"No," Jolee said and firmly shook his head. "Thirteen."

I simply crossed my hands in front of me, shaking my head in disbelief.

"Lashowe! Let me kill them!" one of the men begged her, already reaching to his belt, but the woman shook her head. "No, no, let's not be hasty," Lashowe said silently, paying my friends a searching look. "When they want to play buffoons, let them continue. What do you say?" Her eyes were travelling between Carth, Mission and Jolee. "Say something funny and we might let you live," she hissed and wanted to come closer to Carth but I stepped in her way with my hand laid over my lightsaber. "Touch one of them," I said in a low voice, "and it's like starting something with me too. And that's something you wouldn't want, believe me. If you want to try me anyway, go on, make the first step. I'll make it the last."

Lashowe's eyes dangerously narrowed and her face flushed as she got angry. "What?" she snapped at me.

But her "friends" seemed to be amused by me. They were laughing. "Finally someone stood up to you, Lashowe."

"Shut up or you're next!" she turned to them, using the Force to pull the lightsaber into her hand.

"Anytime..."the other growled, readying himself too.

I cocked my head to the side and bit my cheek from inside. Now that was something I wanted to see; I always loved it when my enemies fought each other.

"Enough you two," the last of the Sith spoke up, ruining the chance of bloodshed to my dismay. "You would let a bunch of such jerks set you against each other? I say, let's return to the Academy," he said and already turned around, walking in the corridor which led to the cantina and – as it seemed – it was the way to the Academy as well.

I let them get out of our earshot before I turned to my friends. "What the hell was that?" I screamed making few of nearby citizens turn their heads to look at me. But maybe the sight of someone armed with a lightsaber yelling at others was a common thing here for they quickly resumed what they were doing. Or they simply knew it was better to mind their own business, for their sake. "Do you want to get us all killed? This is exactly the sort of behaviour I didn't want to see here!" I went on, giving them a hard look.

Mission shrugged and sent me a shy smile. "She asked for it."

"A lot of them will yet ask for it, Mission, and a lot of them will kill you for less then what you've just showed off."

"We were just having fun," Mission objected.

"Fun?" I repeated, my voice no louder than a whisper. "Mission, this is no fun. This is no crazy adventure as it has been until up this point. We're watched here, we can't afford to make a misstep by having fun. We need to be just like them, to get lost among them so that they wouldn't find us suspicious."

She shifted her weigh, dropping her eyes. "You're right, I know, I just...we're not inside the Academy yet, so I thought..you know."

I nodded, looking at Carth and Jolee. "And you...you're both adults so I would expect you to behave as them, not like two spoiled boys."

"Spoilsport..." Jolee mumbled, looking elsewhere.

"Fine..." I took a slow breath and turned around. "Fine...I don't care. But don't count on me to save you next time someone wants to kill you. No way, I'll stay nearby and enjoy it thoroughly," I was muttering angrily as I was walking down the corridor, looking for any other signs to point me to the cantina.

"You wouldn't enjoy it, you're too kind for that," Jolee said with a broad smile on his lips when he joined my side. I looked at him and he winked at me, then slowed his pace. We arrived to the cantina so he again fell into his role. And slaves can't walk alongside their Masters...unless being told so, true.

Before I entered the small, thought quite long, room I looked who was inside. No one was visibly standing above the crowd and there seemed to but just as many women as men, which wasn't making my search any easier.

I narrowed my eyes when I walked in, slowly, watching everyone around me. Some of the eyes were watching me as well, but some averted their gaze as if afraid or ashamed they were caught staring.

There weren't many students from the Academy, unless they stripped their uniforms when outside, but I doubted that. They were far too proud of being part of the Sith Empire to do so, and they didn't have to hide the fact, like they had to on planets controlled by the Republic, like back on Taris. They were probably busy harassing citizens of this colony.

_Come on, Adrianne, there aren't many of them. How about this one? No...she's too young_. _And that one? Nope, dropped her eyes, too sheepish...poor thing, won't last long in the Academy with that approach,_ was I thinking, thought my face betrayed none of my notions. I was making my way to the bar, slowly, searching, and finally I spotted the most prospective candidate – she was older than the rest of the uniformed people here and there was something about her that was screaming: teacher! Besides, when I took a look at the lightsaber at her belt, it seemed to be old; it was battered from frequent use, which was something mine never had the chance to experience. I'd had the annoying habit of losing them, getting one of them – if not both - stolen, destroyed...

I shook my head to get rid of the memory of Zhar, berating me for those mishaps. I approached the Twi'lek woman sitting behind bar and took a stool beside her. "Yuthura Ban?" I asked, not looking at her.

She was just about to drink from the glass filled with bright golden liquid, and my question didn't stop her. Slowly she took few sips, before setting the glass on the bar. "Who asks?" she said in a low, hoarse voice.

"Raven," I said and suppressed the unpleasant feeling that ran through my body. I still didn't like the name and would gladly forget it, but for now it was safer to use it. Of course, no one knew Revan was a woman and her real name was Adrianne...or her second name, because Raven was the first...but better safe than sorry.

She turned her head slightly to look at me causally. "How do you know me?"

"I have my ways," I said evasively. "I assume you know why I'm here. I want to join the Academy.

She chuckled at that, but her laugh was empty and cold. "And you assume you just walk right here and get inside? Naive little Jedi."

I smiled and boldly took her glass to drink from it. As much sweet as the liquid looked, it was bitter and made my throat sore, and I was sure I'd never tasted it before. Might have been some local speciality. "Naivety, such a wonderful human quality, wouldn't you say?" I asked in the same hoarse voice as she after she'd drunk. That made me smile even more.

"There's something odd about you," she said silently, examining me closely.

"And you don't even know half of it. So how about the Academy?"

"How am I to know you're not just a spy?" she answered my question with one of her own.

I was starting to like the game. "And if I am?" I asked, paying her the same searching look she was giving me.

"Then you're not naive, but stupid coming in place such as this."

"I like challenges," I nodded. "Although I admit; I grew up in the Order, was trained by their Masters, but all my life I felt I didn't belong there. The Sith on the other hand..." I didn't finish.

"I like people who know exactly what they want," she said after a while of silence. "Tell me, what would you do for getting inside the Academy?"

"Nothing. You're going to grant me access and give me the medallion just like that. Based on a simple sympathies. I'm very charismatic and charming person."

This time her laugh sounded more genuine and her eyes lit with a merry sparkles. But they soon faded. "I see you know already about the medallion."

_I came with the idea how to distinguish students from others, apart from the uniforms, of course. _"I know many things."

She nodded. "A good start," she said. she didn't add anything else, wordlessly she stood up and her hands searched for something hidden beneath the collar of her uniform. Slowly she pulled a golden chain with blue token with a symbol of the Empire on it and took it off her neck. I knew the symbol well; it was a black shape of the Star Forge. She let the medallion dangle from her palm for me to see and then she let it drop inside her glass. It sunk slowly to the bottom, leaving a trace of bubbles on its way. "See you in the Academy then, young one."

"Young one?" I whispered when she left me there. "I'm probably as old as you are," I added and took the glass, hurrying to my friends. I held the glass in the air between Carth and Jolee. The old man was the first to reach for it but as soon as he smelled the drink he grinned and offered it to Carth. Looking suspiciously at Jolee he took the glass and took a sip, then shrugged and downed it. Carth shoved the empty glass back to my hands.

I offered him a bright smile. "My hero," I whispered in soft voice, taking the medallion and drying it against the bottom of my shirt before I put it around my neck. Mission snickered when I turned my back to them and made my way out of the cantina.

* * *

><p>To be continued :) Thanks for the patience guys and for reading and finding the time to review :) It's nice to know you find the story interesting :)<p> 


	26. Light at the end of a tunnel

Disclaimer: I don't own Kotor.

* * *

><p>Korriban was a dead planet. It was all covered with endless desert, high rocks and mountains, there were no oceans, seas or lakes, no woods or grass. Just sand everywhere. Only some areas were inhabitable. Dreshdea was one such place. The colony was small, but large enough to offer a roof for twice as many people as there were at the moment; Korriban had seen its better days already. Our way outside lead through one of the many empty parts there were. We met only maintaince droids, but not a living soul. No one dared to go that far; Dreshdea was dangerous even in crowded places, let alone when you were alone.<p>

The air outside was hot and dry, incredibly and unpleasantly dry. The wind was whistling loudly, but we were partly protected from it by the wall of rocks on our right, stretching in front of us. Even from the distance we could distinguish the structure carved into it; the Academy. It was part of the planet and who didn't know about its position, would never find it from above. The same went for the tombs. In a way, they were caves. Cold and dark, with a lot of vermin inside, stinking of death and suffering.

Just like the whole place.

"The sand is read," Mission wondered when we stepped outside the colony.

"So are the rocks," I reminded her, taking a lead of our little party. "And so is the blood..." _and their skin, _I addend inwardly and my hand touched the lightsaber hanging from my belt.

_"I never understood the obsession with changing your 'saber colour to red while being a Sith."_

_"You used to have red ones too, my lady."_

_ "Yes. As a reminder. After all, it's the colour of blood, isn't it?"_

Blood...I bit my lips, looking far ahead of us at the Academy. It seemed a bit darker than the rest of the rocks, but the colour was still there. Red. Maybe that was the reason for the Sith to carry a red lightsaber – to remind them their homeworld. Just like it meant to remind me of the blood I and Alek both shed and lost the day, when we were defeated. To remind me of the last time my blood was clear, pure and not affected by his...powers, sorcery...I had never known how to call it.

"I thought it would be like Tatooine," Mission mused.

"It is," Jolee answered her.

"Tatooine was flat," she opposed him. "And it wasn't giving me creeps. This place is."

I wasn't listening to them anymore. I kept my eyes focused on the large, stony front gate. It was getting closer and closer as we went by. I frowned when we finally entered its shadow. The Academy was towering above us threateningly. It was all the same, never changing, yet it felt different. Four years ago it was welcoming me, almost asking me to visit it. Now as if it was screaming at me to get lost, to run away while I still could.

Mission bated her breath, chewing on her lower lip when we passed by dead bodies lining the path to the Academy. I paid them just a sideway look. Not a single corpse bore any signs of being hurt, stabbed, wounded, cut, anything, it seemed as if their owners simply fell and died. Just like that.

Forcing the thoughts away I approached the Sith guarding the gate. I showed him the medallion hanging around my neck and he nodded, stepping aside. "You may enter. Just don't cause any trouble," he warned me. He gazed at my friends when they followed me inside, but didn't make any comment.

I felt goose bumps prickle all over my body as the cool air of the Academy swept over me. It wasn't that cold, but in comparison with the heat outside, it was icy. The corridor we found ourselves in was narrow and long; its end was lost in the darkness of the place. The only light was coming from above us, through the thin skylights and air shafts. Looking up at them was like looking at the light at the end of a very long and dark tunnel.

"It's cold in here," Mission complained and lifted her arms to hug herself.

"You'll get used to it in no time," I reassured her and went on.

We met several guards on our way to the huge hall with tens of doors leading to all parts of the Academy. If you wanted to go somewhere in here you had to pass through this hall.

It felt weird do be here again. It brought back so many lost memories of my first arrival with Alek. The Academy was a mere shadow of what it was now or had been before, and it wasn't difficult to cut my way through the wannabe students to Uthar. It took just few carefully chosen words and the star map was ours.

_But why? Why was I searching for it if I never was under the Emperor's influence? Why did I want to destroy the Republic? _ I frowned. The question Raenah had asked me several hours ago was still ringing in my ears and I was frustrated I couldn't find the answer to it.

There were many people in the hall. They all were gathered in its centre, but when I walked nearer the crowd parted to reveal an old bald man standing in the middle. He was pale with violet tattoos over his face, dressed in the Academy uniform with a lightsaber at his belt. His eyes moved from the woman in front of him – Yuthura – to me.

A shiver went down my spine when our eyes met and – for a moment not longer than a heartbeat – his mouth twisted into a smile. It was gone soon, leaving me wondering whether I hadn't only imagined it.

He shoved Yuthura out of his way just as the Twi'lek turned her head to see what he was looking at. "Come forward, young one," he spoke to me in a silent voice. The echo repeated his command thousands times in the quiet hall. I beckoned my friends no to move from the spot while I myself made a first step forward. All the eyes in the room were on me.

"Your legend is preceding you," he said and for a moment he looked at Yuthura, who smiled.

"I always wanted to be immortal. After all, they say a legend never dies," I said with a confident smile on my face. I wasn't sure how to behave. And the way he chuckled and looked at me with this strange expression in his eyes made these crazy thoughts shot through my mind: could he recognize me? How many times I knew who was standing on the other side of the door just because the Force told me? Could the Force give away who I really was? But if Raenah had problems with feeling me through the Force while standing a meter away from me, how difficult it could be for Uthar?

I cleared my throat. "So...I take it you're the local headmaster?" I asked loudly. "What a nice establishment you have. But I've always imagined the Sith Academy to be more..." I clicked my tongue, frowning, trying to find the right word.

"More busy, my Master?" Jolee helped me.

"Precisely. Do you stand here all the day or actually do something? Because so far I haven't seen any difference between this place and the Jedi Order. I'm disappointed," I said sweetly.

The whole Academy seemed to hold its breath at the moment. Yuthura looked at me with shocked expression. The three students we'd met in the colony, Lashowe and the other two, were watching me with their mouths half-opened and mostly so were the rest of the students. Although one of the faces was staring from a completely different reason. It was nice to see Dustil's eyes were still the same brown as his father's, and not yellow.

Uthar on the other hand started laughing. "The Jedi Order, you say?" he asked. "But of course. Someone so powerful and strong in the Force must have been discovered by the Jedi at a very young age. Tell me, young one, am I right? How much did they train you?"

"So much I got sick of it." Strangely enough, I was speaking the truth. I'd never been happy in the Order. And the thought of leaving crossed my mind at least million times, but the fear of the possible future was always dissuading me from stepping in front of the Council and saying goodbye to my lightsabers...and Council members of course. I shifted my weight and crossed my arms in front of me. "The constant chatting and senseless babbling for example was one of the sickening things."

Again, I seemed to amuse the old man. But I couldn't decide if it was a good thing or not. "What a disrespectful answer. Tell me," he lowered his voice to the very edge of a whisper and closed the distance between us, "aren't you afraid of me?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Is that a threat? Come on, I've heard better."

He smirked. "You're brave indeed. I've met just few students who dared to speak to me so openly."  
>"I'm an open person and wouldn't have it any other way."<p>

This time his sneer turned into sick grin as his eyes scanned our surroundings. He turned around and made his way to the middle of the little crowd again. "I wonder how long this attitude of yours will last here. This place is not your Jedi Order. Gaining the prestige here isn't an easy task. Am I right, Lashowe?" he turned to the tall blonde. Now, when she wasn't wearing the scornful expression she looked quite beautiful. "Of course you are, Master," she answered politely with a bow.

I rolled my eyes.

"Are you ready to be the best, Shaardan?" he looked at one of the young man in the crowd. Shaardan, who promptly answered that he was ready to be better than the best, was thin with flat face, grey eyes and short dark hair. He looked at me for a second and sent me a superior grin.

Suddenly, Uthar was looking at me again. "Yuthura will be your teacher from now on," he glanced for a moment and woman bowed. "If you had any questions considering your training you may turn to her, but to me as well. I'm most curious about your..." he broke off for a moment and smiled, "...progress."

...

Standing above the Alley of the Dark Lords behind the Academy, I had to admit it was a breathtaking sight. It was lit by the afternoon sun, making the sand glitter as bright as rubies. The old, half-ruined pillars, which were decorating the alley, were casting long shadows over the place, speaking in their own ancient language to anyone who could understand. I remembered I had had little time to marvel at the place the last time I was here, but now I intended to take a close look at them and study them, to see if I still remembered something from what I'd learned in the Unknown Regions. Back then I knew how to read and speak in Sith language, and when Raenah had been swearing about Mission having his lightsaber some words stirred something in me.

"Wow..." Mission exhaled, watching with awe in her eyes the huge craved tombs in the bloody rocks, with all the statues to represent the person inside. The large gates were heavy and mere looking at them sent shivers down my spine, but she couldn't feel the sensation. All she saw was the magnificence and greatness. "The ancient Sith Lords deserved no less," I said with and only barely resisted to shudder.

"And we're going to explore them all?" she asked. The thought of it made her rather excited.

"Only some of them," I replied and looked back to see if Carth and Jolee had finally caught up on us.

They had been silent all the way through the Academy, but when we left the back gate the two of them slowed their pace while talking silently to each other.

"Come," I put a hand on her back. "I'd like to examine the columns. We can wait for them down there." Slowly we started to walk down the steep sand slope. We passed by few guards who didn't seem to pay us any attention and stopped at the heel of the nearest column. It was broken in its first third and the rest fell over the way, making an improvised gateway.

"I wonder how old these must be?" she asked and touched the hot stone; it left red marks on her fingertips, but she didn't mind. She simply rubbed them against her clothes.

"Thousands of years," I shrugged. I took a breath and then blew at the carvings to remove the sand and dust. It was too damaged for me to read though. I frowned, disappointed.

"You're fast," Jolee uttered when he and Carth eventually appeared.

"And you're slow," Mission returned with a sweet smile.

"Slow? We were just enjoying the view," the old man smiled a little, his eyes wandering around. "It's not like I haven't ever been to Korriban, just not this part of it," he added. "So where now, oh brave leader?"

I shook my head. "To that tomb over there, oh impossible old man," I pointed my finger at the closest gate positioned in the rock structure.

None of the students paid us a second glance as we made our way to the tomb.

"Who's inside?" Mission asked.

This time, the letters were readable despite the damage. "Ajunta Pall," I said, looking at the top of the gate. "With all his personal belongings," I added with a smirk. That soon faded away when I read the rest of the sentence: "...and all who built the tomb. Poor them..."

"Wait a minute, lass. You can read that?" Jolee asked, no traces of jokes or jests in his voice.

"...and understand it?" Carth added, looking at me with no lesser surprise than Jolee, or Mission for that matter.

"I've spent several months, almost a year, in the Unknown Regions. Or course I know the language. I mean, I've forgotten some of it, of course, but I still remember the most of it."

"That's incredible. Say something," Mission encouraged me, but I only shook my head. "No. And you shouldn't even be talking to me in front of the students. We can talk inside, out of their sights," I nodded towards the closest group of students-archaeologists. They didn't appear to be listening to us, and might even be out of our earshot, but I wouldn't bet my life on it.

The tomb was dark and as cold as I had described to my friends. Mission shivered when we entered.

The large, heavy door closed behind us, depriving us of the poor source of light; the corridor drowned in complete darkness. We were quiet and motionless for a moment, the others even seemed to stop breathing, but then a swoosh cut through the silence and my lightsaber lit a small area around us.

Jolee moved, he put off the backpack he was wearing and started pulling out our weapons. "Mission, Carth, Carth, me, Mission," he was mumbling and giving the right weapons to their rightful owners. Soon the red glow got mixed with green as he initiated his lightsaber as well. Thanks to it, we could see larger part of the corridor.

I shrugged. "I always thought the dark Jedi were rather short-sighted. I mean, there's yet another disadvantage of being a Sith; you can't see as far as a Jedi."

Mission smiled.

"Okay...I'll take the front, and Jolee, the rear's yours. Keep on your toes, guys, this place isn't as dead as it wants us to think," I gave a warning, before taking my place in the front.

"What if something attacks us from the side?" Mission asked.

"Shoot it," I said and took a deep breath, facing the death emptiness in front of me. I wasn't sure about it, but it seemed the place was talking to me, whispering softly. My grip on my weapon tightened as I lifted the lightsaber above my head, making a first step.

"Can we talk now?" Carth asked just as we started making our way through the large corridor.

"Yes," I said with a sigh which sounded a little more relieved than intended. I knew it would lure every bloodthirsty creature to us, but I was glad he started talking anyway. At least I couldn't hear the silence.

_At least I can't hear the silence? Okay, that's creepy..._

"I saw you talking to him. What did you tell him?" He didn't have to be more specific.

"I told Dustil to meet me after sunset in the cantina. Without the uniform, of course. I'll talk to him and then bring him to the ship for the two of you to meet," I said curtly.

Carth only hummed. I was afraid he'd find the idea stupid and would want to see his son right away. But he apparently saw reason, especially after everything I'd told him back on the ship.

But that was the end of the talking. None of us spoke anymore for the rest of the journey. We were keeping our eyes and ears opened, listening to the depths of the tomb from time to time to make sure there wasn't anything on the way ahead. And soon I found myself losing in my own thoughts, drowning in them as they started to overwhelm me, so that I wouldn't have to listen to the whispering. It was enough I was following it.

I was thinking about Alek a lot. About the time we were friends and how the friendship turned into bitter hatred in half a hearbeat. I could vividly remember our last time here. We were walking side by side, following Uthar, deeper and deeper into the tomb of Naga Sadow. Each of us were carrying a torch, its bright white beam of light was cutting the darkness in front of us, making it a less scary and mysterious somehow. We lacked something like that at the moment.

I blinked. Somewhere far in front of us I saw several tiny green spots and it took me some time to realize what it was; the light reflected in the eyes of the Tu'ka'tas.

Soon I could hear them breath and pant, the soft clicking of their claws was ringing through the corridor as they slowly parted to make the way for us, watching us, but never daring to get close.

"Why aren't they doing something?" Mission asked, her blasters ready in her hands.

It was Jolee who answered. "They probably plan to take us from behind."

"Maybe they remember attacking someone with a lightsaber is suicide," Carth joined their debate. Mission looked at him doubtfully and he shrugged. "What? I heard they're clever."

_And I heard they can be quite deadly,_ I thought, but knew better than to actually say it.

They let us pass unharmed however, and after that I and Jolee switched sides. I was now guarding our back, while he was leading us. It wasn't like I didn't trust him to keep us safe. I just wanted to have the beats in my sight.

They were following us, I could see their eyes, lurking in the darkness behind us. When Jolee stopped at the crossroad to think which way to go, they got much closer. I activated the other blade of my weapon and the sound made the creatures crouch and hiss at me, while baring the white of their large and pointy teeth.

I cocked my head to the side. Carth'd been right. They were afraid of us_._

After what seemed to be like hours of walking and getting lost and walking and meeting a dead ends and walking...we finally discovered the burial chamber. The small room was rounded with a big sarcophagus in the middle. I let my aching hands fall to my hips; Jolee's lightsaber was enough to lit the room.

Mission went to examine the sarcophagus, while Carth was admiring the tall statue of a man with his hand stretched in front of him as if he was supposed to hold something in it. Jolee approached a pedestal with a long black box on it.

"So what exactly are we looking for?" Carth asked, turning away from the statue and looking at several pots and jars on the ground. He bent over to lift their lids and look inside, but changed his mind.

"The sword of Ajunta Pall is the most valuable of his possessions," I said simply, marvelling at the sarcophagus. It was beautiful, made of heavy black stone, decorated with symbols and writings and pictures of a man fighting his enemies who I thought was probably Ajunta himself according to the sword he had. On top there was another image of Ajunta. He was sleeping and his hands were lying on his stomach.

"There are three swords." Jolee had opened the box.

I hurried to his side and let a disappointed sign. "None of these is the one we're looking for."

"How can you know?" Mission asked.

"Ajunta Pall was wielding a double-bladed sword," I explained and my eyes travelled around the room."

"How can you know it's still here?" Mission asked. "It wasn't very difficult to get here."

"No, I know it hasn't been found yet," I said, suddenly very sure of it. Maybe it had something to do with the whispering I heard. I had stopped when we entered this room.

"Maybe it's in the sarcophagus?" Carth offered.

"We're going to open it?" Mission asked. "Wouldn't it be some kind of sacrilege or something?"

"He was a Sith, there was nothing sacred about him," I said simply.

"We need something to cover our faces first, "Jolee interfered and started searching his backpack. He found some bandages. He watered them from our bottle and handled them to each of us.

Only then we all approached the sarcophagus. But despite all our efforts we were unable to move the heavy stone lit.

"Okay, now I know why the sword's still here," Mission smiled when we finally gave up, putting the bandages off.

I pulled it off my face and let it hung around my neck. "There must be something to help us open it," I said and was determined to find it. I started looking around. "Some device, maybe, which wou..." I took a sharp breath. "For the Force's sake!" My blood froze in my veins when I gazed at the door.

"What is it?" Carth asked and they all followed my gaze. Mission yelped loudly, clutching to Jolee's hand.

There was a man standing in front of the door. He was taller than me, not as tall as Jolee. He was dressed in the dark robes with a hood and a scarf covering half of his face. His eyes looked troubled and confused. "W-where am I?" the spectre asked in a quiet voice. I realized it was the voice that had been whispering to me all the time. "What am I doing here? And who are you?"

"Is this...who I think it is?" Jolee asked.

"Ajunta Pall..." I exhaled.

"Ajutna Pall..." the spectre whispered. "That's how they used to call me. I think," he mused, looking around as if he wasn't recognizing the place. Of course he wasn't. The tomb was probably built after his death.

"Do you know you're dead?" I asked not. It wasn't very tactful of me, but I had to make sure what he knew.

"D-dead?" he echoed and for a moment his person shimmered strangely, as if he wasn't nothing else but a hologram. "Yes, I remember. I am dead. I was killed. But who are you?" This time he was asking directly me. I approached him.

"I'm Adrianne, but they call me Revan. I'm a member of the Jedi Order."

"What?" he asked and his forehead wrinkled. "A Jedi? Here? What happened? Where is the Empire?"

"Gone," I said, watching the spectre carefully for any signs of aggression. But he seemed to be at a loss at the moment, which was highly suspicious. I would expect him to be angry at us for disturbing his rest. "The Sith are no longer rulers of this galaxy. The Republic is. And the Order is strong as well."

"Republic?" he repeated, more confused then before. "And...the Order? The Jedi?" he looked on the ground between us. "So much has changed. How long..."

I shrugged. "I'm not really sure when you died," I broke off, looking at Jolee for help, but he only shrugged, smiling nicely. "Long, thousands of years maybe," I said then, focusing back on the Sith in front of me.

"Thousands of years..." his eyes fell on the opened box behind us. "Then why are you here? What would you want with a man dead for thousands of years?" he asked, still looking at the box.

I bit my lip and shifted my weigh nervously. "Your sword?" I asked, unsure. "I would...eh...I'd like to find it. I sort of need it."

The spectre shrugged. "Then you may have it. After all what use it would have for me? I'm dead." Now it almost sounded like he was joking, but it was hard to tell. "But for a price." His bright eyes looked right at me with such intensity it made me think he could see right inside my very soul. A cold feeling ran through my body. "There are three swords in the box," he started explaining. "One of them killed me. Find it and place in the hand of the statue."

"What if I pick the wrong one?"I asked.

He didn't answer, didn't bat an eyelash. He simply looked at me with what could be only described as compassion in his eyes. _Unusual..._ I frowned and nodded, understanding what it meant. The price for failing is always the same.

I turned around and slowly crossed the room, feeling his eyes on me, as I examined the swords.

One of them had saw-like blade and hilt shaped to fit in human hand perfectly. Tentatively I reached out and touched the cold steel with my fingertips. I saw a glimpse of a woman, very young, maybe still a child, holding the particular sword awkwardly. She was bleeding from her left arm, but the wound wasn't serious. The woman had determined look in her eyes, she was frowning and her breath was coming in short, ragged gulps, but she didn't seem to be afraid. I pulled my hand away. I noticed the rest of the party had gathered behind my back.

"So?" Jolee bid me to speak.

I simply shook my head and started studying the second sword. It was long and thin, without any decorations, only the end of the blade was curved to one side a little. I didn't have to touch the blade to know it was deadly sharp and, as I noticed, it looked brand new. As if its owner never used it. When I touched it, it sent a soothing feeling through my body. I could hear distant sounds of clashes of swords and screams, but I was calm. Only the soft nudge of nervousness in my stomach was making me a little restless, but somehow I knew I was safe. The battle would never reach to me.

"None of these two," I said and looked at the last one. It was shorter than the first two and carvings were made into its hilt. Just to make sure, I wanted to touch it as well. As soon as I could feel the cool material under my fingers, I felt a hot pain somewhere near my heart and I knew the sword was dark, twisted and evil. The very nature of it was making me shiver and I let go of it almost immediately as the familiar feeling sneaked into my mind; a feeling I had felt only once and it almost cost me my life. Back in the Unknown Regions, while kneeling in front of the Emperor. And there was something else.

"What is it?" Jolee asked, worried, when I almost jumped back away from the sword.

"It's the last. For the Force's sake...just...just put it there, I don't want to get near to it again," I turned away from the box and crossed the room, stopping at the sarcophagus. Apologizing to Ajunta for using it as a chair I sat down on it. I pressed my fingers to my eyes and used the hand to lay it on my ribs where I'd felt the pain. When I pulled it away I half-expected to see my blood on it.

I heard a soft clicking and looked up to see Jolee putting the sword in the statue's palm. I frowned. He apparently wasn't experiencing anything of what I felt.

Somewhere beneath me the sarcophagus clicked as well and I felt the lid move slightly.

I looked at Ajunta. For a first time, his eyes seemed to smile at me. "Yes, this was it. The sword that killed me," he nodded. "You're allowed to take what you came for and leave, Jedi."

"And what about you?" I asked, slowly standing up and coming closer to the former Sith Lord.

"I'll return to the dark place I came from," he answered.

"Dark?" I repeated. "Is it really necessary? Going there? I mean...you're dead for a really long time. Whatever you did that brought you down this path must be surely both forgotten and forgiven. Why torment yourself even after your death?"

"But..." he hesitated. "My Master...he'd never...I turned against him."

"So did I," I shrugged. "Not long ago, I...well, I did a lot of terrible things I'm not proud of and I regret them deeply. But my Masters gave me another chance. A chance to redeem myself. I'm sure you Master would give it to you too," I said. I wanted to touch the spectre's shoulder, but the moment my hand tensed and was about to move I realized he was dead.

"I'm not sure," he said. "What did you do?" he asked, tilting his head to one side. He sounded curious.

"I..." It was weird to tell one of the greatest Sith Lords ever that once I was a Sith Lord too. "I originally wanted to save the Republic from the true Sith and make it stronger. But somehow I ended up self-proclaiming myself a Lord of the Sith and destroying it instead," I shrugged.

For a moment Ajunta's face got brighter. "The way of the Sith'ari," he murmured so silently I had troubles understanding even though I was standing so close to him. "Did you succeed?" he added loudly.

"No, fortunately. But it doesn't matter if I did or not. The fact is I've violated probably everything my Order stands for and yet the Masters of the Council offered me to start anew. That's because all Masters are wise. They know in time you'll come to regret your deeds and finally see the truth of their words. Go to your Master and you'll see for yourself. I'm sure he'll be glad to see you coming back to him."

The ghost was silent for a long time. Then finally he smiled. "I'll...I'll try that. I...thank you, Revan," he said and suddenly was gone as fast as he appeared.

"What did he say?" Jolee asked. Before he asked you about how your conquest went?"

I shook my head. "I didn't understand him. He spoke too quietly," I lied, but the truth was the name...Sith'ari...it rang the bell. I had heard it before. I was sure about it. "The sword," I remembered and turned to the sarcophagus.

...

Dustil was sitting behind the farthest table in the cantina, desperately trying not to look suspicious. His eyes were focused only on his drink. He was ignoring everything and everyone else. He wasn't even carrying his lightsaber so that he wouldn't bring unwanted attention. That was clever of him. And reckless too. This was Dreshdea after all.

He startled when I suddenly took the chair in front of him. He'd been probably buried deep in his thoughts. I laughed. "Sorry. I didn't want to start you."

It was just a year and yet he changed so much. And he was so alike his father, it was incredible. I smiled at him, but he didn't return the gesture. "I thought you were dead," he whispered.

"Just wounded, thought pretty badly," I waved my hand.

He shook his head. "I will never forget the day the news came. About your ship destroyed and Malak taking over your rule as a Sith Lord. It felt..." he looked away from a moment, licking his lips, "it felt like losing my family all over again. And it was the same man's fault."

"I'm sorry I couldn't contact you sooner, Dustil. I was..." I broke off, unsure what to say. "...not myself." _Literally._"But I'm here, now, and I intend to take you away from this place."

I expected him to protest, but he only dropped his eyes, looking even sadder. "Selene is dead," he said. "They said she had died in one of the tombs while trying to search for the relics, but somehow I doubted it. Later, and not so long ago actually, I...overheard two Master talking about her death and..." he paused and lifted his eyes to me again. "Adrianne, they killed her. Because of me."

I blinked. "I...don't understand. Because of you?"

"They thought she was holding me back, slowing me down," he admitted. "She was good, she was! But her learning was slow and...it's not fair, Adrianne. It was her idea to join the Academy. Her dream to become a full-fledged Sith and now she's dead."

I knew he wasn't a child anymore, but I wanted to hug him now anyway. I knew better however, there would be enough time for expressing how sorry I was later, on the ship. "I'm sorry to hear that. I know you loved her."

"I just...I should have known," he added in a dark voice. He took the sipper and started whirling his drink with it. "You told me so much about them, and yet when I came here I thought they were...good to me." He was angry now.

"They probably were. Don't forget they're good to you as long as you're good for them."

"Why was it so different?" he asked, looking at me. I noticed he stopped playing with the liquid in the glass. Instead he pulled the sipper out and squeezed it tightly in his palm, his knuckles went white and his fist was shaking.

"Different?"

"Your Spark. There were Sith too, but they weren't so...so...hypocritical and cynical and..."

"Firstly," I cut him off, "everyone on Spark knew you were my nephew. Secondly, I ran the ship differently than Uthar runs the Academy. Third, the Dark Lord or not, I was never so consumed by the dark side as they are here."

He frowned and looked at his fisted hand. He opened the palm, letting the misshapen sipper fall from it, making a silent splash and soft ringing sounds when it hit the glass. "When will we leave? Do you have a ship?" he asked, looking at me again.

"The fastest one in the Outer Rim," I smiled, but the smile soon froze my lips. "And I've got a surprise for you..." I added hesitantly.

"Hate surprises..." Dustil uttered, lifting his eyebrows.

"I know...I hate them too," I said and stood up, gesturing him to follow me. He lingered only to toss some credit chips on the table, before hurrying after me.

We passed through the colony without any other word. When we entered the hangar, I could see admiration in his eyes as he laid his eyes on my girl and his lips smiled a little. He liked her.

I took him on board and hoped we'd not meet Raenah on our way to cockpit. We'd agreed with Carth he would wait here.

Before I opened the door, however, I stopped and turned to my nephew. "I have just one request. Or two. Or three..." I mused. "Don't kill me and don't kill him. And please, try to understand. I'm doing this for your mother. She would hate the thought of her family being apart."

"Wait a minute, what..." he started, but fell silent as soon as he stepped inside the cockpit. He frowned, while I closed the door behind him.

Carth was sitting in the pilot's seat, but now he stood up slowly, looking at Dustil as if he couldn't believe his eyes.

Dustil turned his head to me. "A surprise you said? I'd call it a stab in the back, Adrianne. And what are you doing here?" he asked Carth. "Don't say you actually started caring about my well-being?"

"What?" Carth blurted out, shocked.

"Dustil, I asked you..." I started too, but Carth's cold glare and "Shut up and stay out of this," silenced me again.

"You won't talk to her like that!" Dustil yelled at him and moved to stand partly in front of me as if he was my shield.

"What? D-Dustil, don't you...don't you know who it is?" he asked incredulously. He seemed so helpless and lost after Dustil stepped in front of me. It obviously pained him to see his son cared more about me than him.

"Someone who was there for me and mother while you were flying around the galaxy?" Dustil spat out. I closed my eyes for a moment. I didn't like the way the conversation was taking. If he kept this up, Carth would surely start blaming me not only for his wife's death, but his son's resentful behaviour as well. I lifted my hand to discreetly nudge him in the back. It worked. Dustil shifted his weight. "What caused this sudden stab of parental responsibility, I wonder?" he asked in not so harsh tone as before.

"Dustil, I...I was looking for you," Carth started, avoiding my eyes. "I thought you were dead, I..."

"A pity you don't think so now."

"Dustil," I hissed and nudged him again, harder.

Carth didn't seem to notice any of it, or he simply ignored it. "Dustil, I..."

"Past time, old men," he cut him off. "When we needed you, you were gone. So don't pretend to be a family now. Cause I have a new one now."

"The Sith? But the Sith killed your mother, the Sith destroyed your homeworld! And this woman..."

"...went down to the Telos's surface to find me and save me. Which was more then what you did!"

"That's not...I was there. I tried...the fleet arrived too late. I was holding your mother, screaming for medic, but..."

I was genuinely sorry for Carth at the moment. Dustil was giving him a hard moment here. And just as I wanted to finally step in, Dustil spoke up: "I'm not staying here for another second," he said in a cold voice and wanted to turn around, but I took him by his elbow. "You've had your time to speak your mind, and now you're going to listen us out."

"Us?" Dustil repeated, looking at his father. "Whose side are you on? He apparently hates you too."

"Firstly," I answered calmly, "I'm on neither side. Secondly, he doesn't hate me _too,_ because he doesn't hate you. And last, but not least, we've got fourteen years old teenager on board who has more sense than you."

"And what is that supposed to mean? And let go..." he was trying to free his arm.

"Don't you remember anything of what I was trying to teach you?" I asked him.

"I do. The strong ones always prevail. Kill, or be killed. And I'm not going to let him kill me," he pulled away from me and stormed out of the cockpit.

"I never said the latter!" I shouted after him. He must have heard it from someone else, or in the Academy. I turned to Carth. He was shattered at least. He was standing here, speechless, looking at the place where his son had been a moment ago with a blank expression.

I approached the console and lifted the ramp of the ship. "Give me a minute," I told Carth, but I bet he wasn't even listening to me, before I made my way from the cockpit. Jolee and Juhani paid me a questioning look, as I passed them by in the main hold and continued to the ramp where I found my rather angry nephew. "I said you were going to listen now."

"Lower the ramp."

"He's not going to kill you. He loves you, D. He's your father and would do anything to protect you. He spent all the years searching for you. When I met him, he was drowned in the past, not allowing himself to continue, dwelling in the memories of you and your mother. Of all three of you together."

I watched him hung his head between his shoulders. "That's something mother would say." I smiled as he went on: "You're so much like her. Do you know that?"

I nodded. "I've been told so before. And right now I'm totally abusing this advantage to easily manipulate you." I was joking in hope to ease the atmosphere a little.

He looked doubtful for a moment, unsure how to interpret my answer. "Then why did he spend half of his life in the war, leaving us alone."

I gave him a sad look. "I went to the war too, and you never held it against me," I reminded him.

He was still with his back to me. "You were calling us. Almost all the time. You cared."

I gave a soft laugh. "I was a general, Dustil. Hell, the third of the entire Republic fleet was in my hands. Of course I had my own long-ranged communicator and could use it whenever I felt like it. A luxury your father didn't have. He had his duty, when he couldn't leave the bridge. And there was quite a waiting list for the communicators."

His had sunk even more as if he was realizing the truth in my words and was too pride to admit it. I came to him and gently took him by his shoulders, turning him around. Then I embraced him tightly. "I'm sorry for Selene."

He clung to me, holding me almost too tightly, but I didn't push him away. "I don't understand. If the Sith are so bad, why did you join them?"

"I don't know, Dustil. I've been having problems with my memory since the fateful day a year ago. But it doesn't matter now." Finally, I pulled away from him, but kept him at the arm's length. "You should at least listen to him. Let him speak, and once you know his point of view, only then you have the right to judge him."

"Adrianne..." Whatever he was going to say, I silenced him by putting a finger over his mouth. "What do you think Morry would say about you two fighting each other? Go talk to him, D."

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><p>Here you go. Thank you for the patience and for reading and thank you all for those fantastic reviews. They're really making my day :)<p> 


	27. Wasting time

Disclaimer: I don't own Kotor.

An update! Horray! And so soon! :) It's a little shorter, but hey, better than nothing :)

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><p>"Shaardan is dead. They found his body in Ajunta Pall's tomb this morning."<p>

The new day came sooner than I wanted. I didn't feel rested, but that was my own fault for going to bed so late. I was gloomy as well, already regretting the decision I'd made, but it was for them. For their safety.

"Yeah, Tuk'ata are hell of beasts."

I frowned at my plate. It was still full of the so called food. I couldn't bring myself to eat it. Firstly, it was absolutely distasteful, and secondly I wasn't hungry at all. I had had my breakfast before we left the ship. We'd spent the night back on the Ebon Hawk and returned to the Academy shortly before sunrise.

"No Tuk'ata. He died of a lightsaber wound."

"What? Nonsense, Mekel. Shaardan was one of the best here. No one could beat him in duel."

Mission smiled at me weakly. "You look sad."

I shrugged. Was I sad? I was, definitely. They were probably still on the planet, but I missed them anyway; there was a certain possibility I wouldn't survive the inevitable battle of Rakata Prime. And that would mean never seeing them again. I hadn't even said them a proper goodbye.

"I say she killed him."

"Huh? What do you mean, Lashowe?"

Maybe it was a mistake, sending them away, maybe not. I knew Carth's skills would surely come in handy once we'd attack the Star Forge, but Canderous was good pilot too. He used to ride a Basilisk war droid and only the best of the best were given such honour among Mandalorians.

"The one we met in the colony. I heard Adrenas and Tariga talking about her. They saw her leaving Pall's tomb yesterday."

"Come on, Lashowe. Many people visit those tombs. She was neither the first nor the last to go there that day."

And Jolee could be his co-pilot. He'd told me about his adventuring days and about the smuggling. He got shot down, true, but I was sure there was no Nomi Sunrider on the Star Forge.

"Say what you will, Tamlen, I know she killed him. And worse off, the rumour says she has found Ajunta's sword as well."

I had it all planned out perfectly. Firstly we'd arrive on Lehon. _Rephrased, firstly, we'll crash on Lehon,_ I reminded myself. Secondly, we'd turn off the field and when we would approach the Star Forge, the fleet would already be there, providing a diversion for few small, fast ships to sneak inside the Star Forge's hangar to board the factory, the Ebon Hawk included. And once inside, we'd cut our way through to Alek.

Jolee reached out and touched my hand to draw my attention. "I've told you once and I'm going to repeat it. It was a good decision."

I was only wondering; would the Order send some of the Jedi to help us? It would be great if it did. I expected to encounter tens of dark Jedi on the Star Forge.

"Yeah, there have been dozens of Ajunta's swords already brought from the tomb."

"It...it doesn't matter. She killed Shaardan. I know it."

"I know," I nodded, looking away from him. From the corner of my eyes I could see three persons clad in black and grey uniforms, sitting several tables away from us. They were talking in hushed voices, but I could hear them anyway. The dining room was almost empty and the Force was helping me a great deal too. Lashowe was there with the other boy who was with her in the colony, Mekel. I didn't know the last Sith, the one they called Tamlen.

"Tamlen's right, Lashowe. You can't know what happened. Just because she put you into your place doesn't mean she had to kill him. Besides even Masters always claimed Shaardan was the best swordsman they ever saw in the Academy. And look at her..." I quickly turned my head away. "...she doesn't look much. I doubt she's half as good as he was."

Mission and Jolee exchanged glances. "You miss them, don't you?" Mission asked me.

I bit my lip, but didn't answer her right away. "My feelings don't matter. They're safe, at least for now." I had no doubt Carth would participate in the battle as well, thought I hoped he would leave Dustil at home. I glanced at the girl, putting a half-smile on my lips. "I was highly tempted to send you away with them, but I knew you'd protest, loudly and fiercely."

"You bet," she smiled brightly at me. Then she probably realized where we were; her eyes scanned our surroundings, her smile froze on her lips and she bent her head, pretending to be looking at the table as if it was the most interesting thing she had ever seen.

"I agree with Mekel. But enough of that, I've got news as well. Have you heard Dustil's missing too?"

"Dustil? Dustil Onasi? What happened to him?"

"No one knows. He's just gone. All his belongings are still here."

I smiled. _No one knows...good._

"What do you say, Lashowe? Maybe he was the one who killed Shaardan and then simply ran away."

"You think yourself funny, huh, Mekel?

I stood up slowly. "Let's go doing something important. According to Carth I'm already wasting enough of my time as it is," I said to my friends and made my way through the aisle between the tables and benches, heading to the exit. I was aware all three of them were now looking at me, so I put on my best Bastila-like face and with my head held high I left the room as if I knew nothing about their conversation. It wasn't all that difficult; my thoughts were somewhere else completely...

_"Wait. I understand this Raenah is really dangerous, but I doubt that's the only reason why you want us _both_ gone, huh?"_

_ I sighed and combed my hair with my fingers. "You're right, Carth. And my reasons are utterly selfish and egoistic." As I was talking he started frowning. He straightened a little and crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Dustil has only one parent left, Carth," I went on, looking him in the eyes."And I won't risk your life when I don't have to." I averted my eyes away from him now, focusing them on a datapad on the console. It was the datapad. Carth had put it on the console the second I walked in the cockpit, but only now I reflected it was laying screen-down. I thought it weird, but didn't make any comments about it._

_ "Hold a sec," Carth said and I turned my attention back at him. It surprised me to see him smiling at me. "You're trying to protect me? Heh, shouldn't it be the other way around? Me protecting you?" It was refreshing to see him talking in such a light-hearted mood, but the matter was far too serious for jokes now._

_ "Someone has to tell the Republic to expect my message. Carth, when I'll send the coordinates of the Star Forge, I want the fleet to be ready for it and set off at once," I said and then added in much softer tone: "Besides, Dustil's like my own son to me. I want only the best for him and that means him being with his father. You two have much to discuss and I doubt you'd have time and privacy to properly talk here on the ship."_

_ Carth looked in front of him, at the Hawk's console, but I was certain he wasn't seeing it at all. "You two are really close, aren't you?" he asked._

_ I shrugged. "There was time we both thought we had no one else, after..." I let the rest of the sentence hang in the air, unfinished. We both knew what it meant._

_ He nodded. "He adores you, you know? He..." Carth hesitated and tried his best to avoid my eyes now, "he told me what you did to Malak after Telos."_

_ I frowned. Slowly I stood up, earning a confused look from Carth. I had no idea why he brought this up. Maybe this was a subtle way how to start a very serious discussion about all this Darth-Revan-thing. Maybe he just wanted to ask once more how the things went and compare them with what Dustil told him. Maybe there was no hidden meaning behind it. Either way, I didn't feel ready for any of it. "I hurt my friend, Carth," I said, turning my back to him as I walked to the exit from the cockpit; I didn't want him to see my face at the moment. I stopped in the door frame, laying one hand on the cool material of the Hawke's wall. "I severely wounded my best friend who had always been there to watch my back for me and in a way even the...the destruction of Telos was done for me. He wanted to...but he had no idea...I mean..." I hung my head and closed my eyes firmly. The image of him, kneeling on the ground with his hands pressed to his face in a desperate and folly effort to stop the bleeding, immediately popped in my head. I closed my eyes firmly, pressing fingers in my eyes. "I was angry at him, furious, beside myself. I wanted to kill him, but knew it would be no punishment at all. So I chose to humiliate him and I did. I thought he deserved it, as pissed off as I was. It didn't bring me peace, oh no. And I knew it wouldn't. But I had to do it. For Telos, for my home, for Morgana, for I..." I stopped. _No, don't mention him, you fool,_ I berated myself, but before I could come up with something believable to finish my sentence, Carth did it for me: "...for Ian?" he asked in a soft voice._

_ My eyes flew open, widening. But apart from that I was sure I didn't do anything to let him know of my surprise. "How do you know?" I asked calmly, letting my hand fall soundlessly to mi side._

_ There was a short pause, before he answered. "Dustil told me."_

_ "Hm," I hummed and made one step forward. Then I stopped. "I...I should go. I want to be back in the Academy before it wakes up."_

_ "Good. And I'll go to sleep." Just as he said it I heard him yawn. I looked over shoulder back at him. He did look tired as if he was up for the most of the night. "You weren't sleeping?"_

_ "I had...a lot of work to do," he said evasively and for moment looked away from me. His eyes fell on the datapad._

_ I groaned. "Don't say you were wasting your time by trying to break the code," I shook my head and went for the datapad, but Carth sprung to his feet and stepped in my way, taking my arms gently. "No!"_

_ I made a step back, away from him and his touch, looking questioningly at him. "What..."_

_ "It wasn't a waste of time. You talking to the Sith was a waste of time," he changed the topic, crossing his hands in front of him. _

_ "And how do you know that?" I asked, mimicking his gesture._

"_I heard you two talking in the main room. And if I remember correctly you went to bed two hours ago, so don't lecture me about how I should spend my time."_

"_If you think so," I waved my hand, glowering at him, before I turned around._

_He took my wrist and spun me around again to face him. "You shouldn't let him talk to you like that."_

"_And what is it to you?"_

"_Not even once he called by your name. He calls you human. And he treats you as if you belonged to him, disrespectfully, to say the least."_

"_I don't call him Raenah all the time either," I said with clenched teeth, trying to wriggle my hand out of his grip. He let go of me just as I pulled away from him. I didn't expect it and soon I could feel myself loosing balance._

_Carth caught my hand just in time to steady me. "Are you okay? Sorry, I..."_

"_I'm alright," I cut him off, letting out a sigh. "I just...I don't want to talk about Raenah now, okay? And I really should go," I said. "Sweet dreams, not that you deserve them," I shouted at him over my shoulder as I left him alone in the cockpit._

The Academy was empty, more or less. Everybody was either still sleeping, or already out, digging for hidden treasures. And we were to join them soon.

"Raven." The woman voice sounded through the large entrance hall. Yuthura appeared by my side, patting my shoulder and smiling broadly. "I'm impressed. I've talked with Master Uthar. He was very pleased by both your discovery of the Sith relic and knowledge of the code.

I smiled. "I'm glad to hear that."

"If you keep this up, it will be you who'll be given the honour to enter the Naga Sadow's tomb for the last test." She broke off to take a breath, joining her hands behind her back. "There is a cave, the first one on your left when you walk out of the Academy. Few escaped students took a hiding place there and Uthar would like them removed from there, though none of the students here have bothered to do the job so far. And when speaking of killing, a certain student made a mistake of speaking about a Jedi holokron hidden somewhere in the valley. Are you familiar with Lashowe?" I nodded, my eyes never leaving her face. I was wondering why she was helping me. "Excellent," she smiled, but it never reached her eyes. "And they say students are disappearing in Tulak Hord's tomb. Maybe it would be worth investigating."

"Why are you telling me all this?" I asked finally.

She stopped, touching me on my hand to make me stop as well. "You're my student. And I have a personal interest in helping you to be the one Uthar chooses eventually. And when I say personal, I mean very personal."

I wanted to ask when she meant by it, but suddenly I knew. "You want to kill him," I said curtly. A Master and his apprentice. A reliable way to ensure only the strongest rule the Sith empire. Whenever a Master showed weakness, it was his apprentice's duty to defeat him and take his place. Simple and efficient. "Why do you need me?"

Her smile grew wilder and her eyes narrowed. "My, aren't you a smart little Jedi?" she asked. And I hesitated. Was it just an innocent remark or was she suspecting something? "My dear, killing Uthar won't be an easy task. He's strong and powerful. That's why I need someone with your potential."

I shifted my weight, crossing my arms in front of me. "What exactly do you want from me?"

"The final test consists of several parts. The last one is a duel. A fight between the chosen one and some other student," she waved her hand in the air. "I think this time Uthar will want the student to fight...me, as I am the only one who threatens his position in the Academy. I will need you to support. Together, I had no doubt we would kill him." She paid me an intensive look, waiting for my reply.

"But firstly I would have to become the best," I stated. I didn't like it. It reminded me of the cowardly way Alek chose to get rid of me when he was too afraid to duel me directly. On the other hand, I needed to get in the tomb.

"I gave you some tips, the rest is up to you," she said simply, taking my answer as a yes. "If you needed some other advice, seek me out. Have a good hunt, Jedi," she winked at me and made a move to turn away from me, but she stopped suddenly, taking me by my shoulder to bring me closer to her. "Out of curiosity, don't you happen to know anything about poor Shaardan's fate?" she asked sweetly.

"He asked me to give him the sword. And so I did...give him the taste of its blade."

"You killed him with your lightsaber, Master," Mission peeped in sheepishly.

I never bothered to look at her. "Did I ask for your council? I didn't, so keep it to yourself."

I expected Yuthura to praise me some more, but strangely enough proud wasn't what I saw in her eyes. "Well, keep up the good work, Jedi," she said in much colder tone than before and finally left us alone. I scowled and looked after her. I bit my lip when she disappeared in the darkness of this place.

"I think we just got ourselves into hell of a mess," Mission said, looking at me, the sudden change not bothering her at all.

_There must be story behind this woman,_ I thought. _Maybe one worth knowing._

"So..." Jolee spoke up. "Where now?"

"The cave," I said without hesitation. "The enemy of my enemy is my friend. And right now I really need to see some friendly faces," I grimaced.

"So we change one dark place for another? Master, I'm thrilled," Jolee joked.

I fixed him with a glare. "Believe me. Once we get back into the Academy, you're going to miss the cave."

"I have no doubts," he ensured me, touching me on my shoulder. Suddenly, his smile was gone and so was his hand. His eyes focused somewhere behind me. I frowned and turned around to see the group of three from the dining room getting closer; probably they were on their way to the valley as well.

I watched them go past us, never once paying us a look. They were chatting among themselves, ignoring us.

"You're going to ask her about the holokron," Jolee said after they were gone. It wasn't a question.

"Of course. A Jedi holokron should never end up in Sith hands," I nodded.

"Are you going to kill her?" Mission asked.

I shrugged. "I'm going to tell her, and show her if possible, who I really am. I hope it will scare her enough to silence her, but I doubt that would impress Master Uthar as half as killing her would."

"I wonder where all the ruthlessness comes from..." Jolee mused loudly.

I frowned, combing my hair with my fingers. "I don't want to kill her, but she's a Sith through and through. I doubt I could persuade her to leave the Academy."

Mission wrinkled her eyebrow. "But you can at least try? Will you?"

I shrugged. "Let's go to the cave."

...

"We can still turn around and leave," Jolee offered when we were standing in front of the cave. It looked like any other cave, but this one was different. It was dark and sinister and I felt its cold fingers touching all over me even while standing in the sun.

Mission, too, seemed upset because of it. "It's unnatural," she said hesitantly.

_Even she can feel it,_ I thought. It was once again my job to make the first step.

The cave was even colder than the tomb had been in. I hid my hands inside my sleeves, but as the light was giving a way to the darkness, I was forced to use the lightsaber as a torch again. As further as we were from the entrance, the ground stopped being made of sand and was getting more and more solid, causing our steps to echo loudly through the complex of the cave's corridors, perfectly giving away our position. But that wasn't the only sound. From the distance we could hear the periodical sound of water dripping from the ceiling, splashing when the drops hit the surface of the small puddles, and worse, a silent, inhuman grunting.

But that wasn't what was troubling me. I felt rather confused there, lost and clueless. The Force was everywhere and nowhere at once, telling me the students were this way and suddenly they were somewhere else. I had problems orienting myself and I was cold on top of that all.

"Say it, lass, we're lost," Jolee approached me when I – again – stopped at the crossroad, absolutely not knowing where to go now.

I nodded slowly, feeling helpless. "I'm sorry."

"Don't," the old man said and wrapped his hand around my shoulders. "It's not your fault. I can feel the mess of the Force here."

I closed my eyes, hoping I could feel which way to go, but all I could sense was something very dark somewhere in front of us. "I can't find them."

"You too much rely on the Force, lass."

"I've been taught to rely on it all my life," I defended myself. "I can't do it any other way."

He smiled. "Let me teach you something else. If you can't follow your instincts, let's follow something else."

"Something else?" I had no idea what he meant.

Unlike Mission. "Water!" she exclaimed suddenly, her hand gripping mine in excitement. "They need to be near some source of fresh water!"

While Jolee turned to the girl, giving her a bright smile, I turned away so that they wouldn't see how I flushed; I felt like a complete dumbass. It made so much sense. Of food there was plenty. The cave was full of vermin; Shyracks, Tuk'ata, Massitt, some of the creatures were easier to hunt down then other, some had tastier meat, but all were more or less edible. But water, it couldn't be hunt, it had to be found.

I bit my lip and wordlessly came after Mission when she took the lead, following the silent sound of water. We were treading carefully, slowly and as quiet as possible. After some time we could hear distant voices. Several male and one female. But we had to walk yet several hundred meters before we could actually make the words.

"...isn't much," was saying one of the male voices.

"I know, Kurt, but we barely got away alive. They were a little bit more aggressive today," another male sounded through the corridors.

"A little bit more aggressive? You're nuts? They nearly tore Lisa apart!" The third voice exclaimed loudly.

"Man, stop freaking out. She's going to be alright," the first voice spoke up again, more harsh this time. It was much louder too, as we neared the students. We could already see the flashing light dancing on the cave wall in front of us; they'd had to kindle a fire.

"I'll chill out once Lisa wakes up!"

"Ted, shut up already!" A female voice, strict and stern, shouted. "Otherwise they will find us here!"

"It doesn't matter, Thalia. Don't you get it? We're going to die here anyway! If not the beasts, some of the Academy bootlickers will surely find us."

Finally we took the last turn and found ourselves in large cave room with a large pillar in its middle. There was indeed a small fireplace in the corner. Nearby there were several bedrolls and sleeping bags on the cold ground. One of them was brought closer to the fire's warmth and a pale girl was lying on it, Lisa. Her belly was wounded and the blood was already soaking through the improvised bandages made of torn clothes. I spotted deep traces of sharp teeth on her exposed flesh on her arm. Another girl, young with dark skin, eyes and hair was kneeling beside Lisa, looking up at three young men. All of them were wearing the grey and black uniform of the Academy, though they were dirty and stained of blood.

I tilted my hand to the side. "Yes, they will if you keep this up," I said calmly, making all four heads turn to me. Their reaction was immediate. The girl sprung to her feet, drawing her lightsaber and initiating it. The men did the same.

I on the other hand deactivated mine. "No, wait, we're not going to hurt you," I said, putting the lightsaber back to my belt in slow motion.

"They're from the Academy," one of them whispered. He was the tallest of them, with fair hair and green eyes. I recognized his voice, it was Ted. "We should not trust them."

"We're not from the Academy," I opposed them.

"Thalia? What do you think?" the other man whispered, shorter than Ted, with brown hair and black eyes, watching the girl in front of them. According to his voice, this was Kurt.

"They're not wearing the uniforms," Thalia said, frowning, but never taking her eyes off us. "And the old man has green lightsaber."

The last man, with white hair and pale blue eyes, spoke up as well. "And the Twi'lek doesn't even have any."

"We're not from the Academy," Mission said, making a step forward, putting her blaster into the holsters at her waist. "My friends are Jedi Knights."

That seemed to take them aback. "We're speaking the truth," I uttered. "My name's Adrianne, this is Jolee and this is Mission. The Council sent us here...but it doesn't matter," I waved the matter aside. "We want to help you get out of here. Uthar sets other students against you and it's only matter of time before they find you here."

They didn't believe me, I could see that. I needed to prove them we meant them no harm. "Jolee?" I turned to the old Jedi. "Could you heal Lisa?"

Wordlessly, Jolee started heading toward the girl, putting his lightsaber away, and didn't stop even when the students aimed their own lightsabers at him. "If you don't let me to her, I can't help her," he said simply. As he went on, the students parted way and soon he was kneeling beside Lisa. I hurried to join him, kneeling on the other side of the girl.

Jolee carefully took off the bandages. I had seen my share of wounds and injures during the war to tell an ordinary wound from the mortal one. This one was the latter, unfortunately. Mission only made a silent sound of disgust and turned away.

"What is it?" Thalia asked when she saw the expression I and Jolee exchanged. "Can you save her?"

Slowly, Jolee shook his head. "Not on my own," he said, frowning, examining the wound. "And I'd need to clean the wound first and I don't have means to do it here anyway. We'd have to bring her on the ship" he said and his tone was clear; she was as good as dead now.

"But it would take hours to find our way back through this maze. And I have no idea how we'd sneak her through the Academy without anyone noticing us," I said sadly, looking at the girl. She was young. Maybe of the same age as Dustil was.

"There's other exit from this cave," Kurt said. "It's near and it should lead us to the colony."

I looked briefly at him, wondering for a second why they still lingered here, before turning to Jolee. "Can she be moved?"

"I don't know, but he have nothing to lose; she's dying anyway," he shrugged and started bandaging the wound again.

"Wait!" Thalia shouted. "There's a catch. There's Terentatek in front of the other exit. It won't let as anywhere near."

"That won't be a problem," Jolee said curtly. When he was done with the girl, his hands and clothes were all bloody, but he didn't mind. "You three," he looked at the boys, "help me lift her up. You, lass, lead us. Mission, have our back, Revan, be ready to take down the Terentatek when he shows his ugly face," he ordered.

The students indeed knew they way around, Alianna never hesitated, always knew which way to go to ensure we wouldn't stumble upon a nest of Shyracks. It made me think how long exactly they had been here already.

"Here!" The girl said breathlessly and stopped when he arrived at the edge of large abyss. The girl bend over, putting her hands on her knees to catch her breath. "The exit's on the other side."

"We need to cross it over that little, shabby bridge?" I asked with my heart in my throat. If there was anything I was terrified of, it was heights. I was okay when I was standing on a balcony of a really high building, but when I was about to cross hundreds meter long narrow bridge when I even couldn't see its end because it was drowned in the darkness, I didn't feel very comfortable.

"The Terentatek's on the other side. It attacks us as soon as we're there, but it would never follow us on the bridge. It's afraid of it."

"No wonder..." I murmured. Mission heard that and looked at me with questions in her eyes. I ignored her.

"Revan," Jolee said, his voice sounded a little muffled as he was holding the girl in the air. "You go first and take care of the little troublemaker."

"That will be a problem, Jolee," I admitted weakly, approaching the edge and looking over it. My head started spinning and I had to make a hasty step back.

"There's no time for unsupported fears. We're running out of time. Go there and don't look down," Jolee frowned, understanding my hesitation.

"It's not unsupported," I started protesting, but did as he told me. Now wasn't time for that. The girl's life was at stake.

I took a deep breath, before taking the first step. Then I made myself lift my chin and simply go on, explaining myself. "On the Star Forge a droid almost threw me down from one of the catwalks. I was hanging there for several minutes, before Alek managed to fight them off."

"Just yell at us when the Terentatek's dead!" Jolee shouted after me. I only nodded, not daring to look back at him. I was just walking on and on and soon I couldn't see anything around me, just the darkness. _No, don't stop, go on..._ I urged myself, and soon - to my relief - I could finally see the other side.

I smiled contently when I stepped on the solid ground and then I remembered the Terentatek. I frowned and looked around, but the creature was nowhere to be seen. I saw a light coming from somewhere in front of me, so the end of the tunnel had to be close. I bit my lip, realizing how huge this maze had to be, when the corridors lead us under the Academy and back to the colony. If the students were right, of course. There still was a possibility of ending up in the middle of a desert.

"Can you see it?" A quiet voice behind me startled me. Jolee crossed the bridge after me, leaving Mission with the students on the other side. "Sorry," he smiled patting my shoulder few times. The blood on his hand had already dried, so it left no traces on my clothes. "You were so quiet and didn't respond to our calls, so I wanted to check on you."

I pointed to the abyss. "It took me eternity to walk over that thing. And I think my heart stopped beating when I was in the middle of the journey."

Jolee smiled. "But you're here. Now...where is the big boy, hm?" he asked, looking around as well.

"Maybe he's shy," I shrugged. Then I felt something small hit my head. "Ouch," I said, looking on the ground at the little stone. "What the..." I started saying, looking up. There was a large ledge above us and apparently it was large and strong enough to hold the weight of the...

"Terentatek!" I screamed at the same moment the beast leapt down.

We both jumped aside in order to dodge the huge animal. There was a loud crack behind me and the Terentatek gave a sharp screech. I had only a second to realize it sounded frightened, but I didn't have the time to wonder why. The ground under me started shaking and before I knew it, it collapsed, falling down. And I fell down with it.

"Revan!" Jolee's voice echoed in my ears mixed with the sound of the stones thundering somewhere beneath me.

Hurriedly, I used the Force to help me land safely, but as the Terentatek's body broke my fall, my leg slipped and my ankle snapped painfully. I fell from the large animal on the dusty ground, but apart from the ankle and few grazes I was unharmed.

"Revan!" I looked up at Jolee and exhaled slowly. The fall was at least fifty meters high.

"I'm alright!" I shouted up at his head. It seemed so small from down here and tiny.

"Can you jump up?"

"Are you out of your mind? Not even the Force could help me to such a leap – I've twisted my ankle!" A soft sound drew my attention at the poor animal. It was lying helplessly on its side, covered with dust and stones, its breath shallow. A bone was sticking out of its large leg and the wound was bleeding heavily. Its eyes spoke of the pain the animal was feeling, and it was making silent whimpering sounds. It surprised me such large animal could sound so hopelessly. "The Terentatek's hurt! It has open fracture. And it's snivelling!" I added and limped to the creature's head. It kept lying completely numb, watching me as I lifted my hands and touched its large cheek. "It looks almost cute when it's not raging!"

"Revan! Stop caring about the animal."

"What else am I to do? I can't climb up, nor there's time for you to lift me up somehow! So stop wasting the girl's time, she doesn't have much of it left! Go to the ship and take care of the her. Send Canderous and Bastila with a rope, they'll get me out of here! Hurry, Jolee! Go!"

I watched his head nod and disappear, leaving me alone with the Terentatek. I looked at him. "I'm sorry, big boy," I whispered to it and my hand went to my belt. "My lightsaber!" I gasped, realizing it wasn't there. I'd had it in my hand when the Terentatek attacked us. "No, not again," I murmured, looking around. I let out a breath of relief when I spotted it lying on the ground behind me. "Another corridor?" When I'd turned around to find my weapon I noticed the large tunnel, leading...well, somewhere. I used the Force to pull the lightsaber to my hand and initiated it. Without saying anything I slew the suffering animal, drawing one last wail of pain from it.

For a moment I hesitated. Bastila and Canderous would be on their way soon, so it would be wiser to wait here, talk to the big boy and pretend it was still alive and listening to me. But the tunnel was strange and the Force coming from it was very strong. And maybe that was the reason I had had so much troubles finding the students. Maybe that was what I'd felt when I was trying to find the way.

Eventually, my curiosity got the better of me. Clenching my teeth I set out to explore the tunnel.

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><p>Great; when I was writing this chapter I had something on my mind I really, really, really wanted to tell you in the author's words, but can't remember what it was :D So maybe it wasn't all that important. Anyway, thanks for reading and thank you for all the nice reviews :)<p> 


	28. Private conversation

Disclaimer: I don't own Kotor.

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><p>I thought it impossible, but this tunnel seemed to be even colder than the rest of the cave. I could at least hide my left hand in my pocket, but the right one was incredibly chilly, and the cool material my lightsaber was made of wasn't helping.<p>

But at least my leg improved. As I walked, the pain was weaker and weaker and then finally faded away, allowing me to move much faster. And I needed to move faster to keep warm.

Soon I met a crossroad. I could go straight on, deeper into the cave, or take a turn to right. There was a light coming from it and when I climbed the steep slope I found myself in the previous cave again, thought far from the hole in the ground. Glad that I found a way out on my own I turned around again, determined to examine wherever the tunnel went.

The cave was still the same, dark and cold, making me switch the lightsaber from one hand to the other from time to time. Despite me moving, after some time I couldn't feel my toes; the soles of my shoes were just too thin and the ground freezing-cold.

Just when I thought about turning back again, I heard something. It was silent at first, barely audible, but as I threaded closer I recognized the sound. I smiled and closed my eyes, letting my aching left hand fall to my hips, deactivating the lightsaber in the process to get rid of the annoying buzzing sound. For a few moments I allowed myself to listen to the silent whispering of the running water. The gurgling was coming from everywhere around me, like it used to when I was in the Chamber of the Thousand Fountains. Suddenly there was a light coming through my closed eyelids. I frowned and opened my eyes and gaped.

"What's wrong, Adrianne? You look like you've seen a ghost," the young Jedi Master in front of me smiled, touching me on my arm.

Bandon's lightsaber was still in my hand and I was still cold, but everything else had changed. I was back in the Temple in the large chamber especially designed for meditating, relaxation and resting. The man in front of me was young, dressed in brown robes of a Jedi Master. He was wearing a worried expression at the moment, looking at me with silent questions in his brown eyes.

"Kavar?" I said weakly, taking a step back.

He seemed relieved all at once, allowing himself to laugh shortly. "Why so surprised? I thought you wanted to see me when I'd return."

I was staring at him, speechless and dumbfounded.

His eyes travelled around me, lingering on the nearby fountain. "You are rather fond of this place, aren't you? I admit I was missing it too. There's no such place on board of a war cruiser."

"A war cruiser?"I repeated.

Kavar paid me another worried look. "Well of course. Don't you remember? I decided to help the Republic with the Mandalorian rebellion and now I'm back to report its outcomes to the Council."

"Oh my…" I let out a long breath. "Rebellion? But…! The last time the Mandalorian war was called rebellion was…approximately nine years ago!" I exclaimed. My hand flew up, touching the back of my neck. With a shocked expression I looked at the thin braid I was holding between my fingers. "A Padawan?" I looked at my clothes and bit my lip. They were the same I had on Korriban; long-sleeved T-shirt with a grey west over it, long trousers and shoes. All were dusty and dirty from the fall and some of it bloody, where I'd grazed myself.

"Mandalorian war? What are you talking about? Are you well?" Kavar asked, looking at me searchingly.

"I…I…" for a moment I wasn't sure what to say. Then I decided to resort to my usual excuse: "I've been studying all night. I'm tired, is all," I tried to put on a light-hearted smile. "Thought I am interesting in hearing the report as well, unless it was meant for the Council only."

Kavar nodded, forgetting the weird situation already, and waving his hand at me to beckon me to follow him. While he was leading me to the exit from the Chamber, he was talking to me silently, so that he wouldn't bother other Jedi around us. "Things aren't as bad as they seem. Mandalorian clans aren't fully organized; each of them acts on their own, which is good. Several attempts to attack more Republic worlds have been stopped and the offenders punished; killed, arrested. I think by the end of this year it all will be over," he said, smiling.

I looked at him as if he was joking. "What? No, it won't!" I exclaimed and halted. Kavar stopped as well. First he looked at our surroundings and sent few apologetic smiles to the Jedi Knights, Padawan and apprentices around, before focusing on me. "Adrianne, keep your voice down. Your concern for the Republic's safety is appreciated, but I disagree with you. I've seen how the things are. We're winning."

"This isn't right," I frowned. "That's not what you were supposed to say," I opposed him. "You came here in a desperate need to convince the Council to join in the battles, for Mandalorians proved much stronger enemies than the Republic anticipated. And when I expressed my wish to follow your footsteps, you encouraged me. _The more reports about the hardships, the higher our chances to persuade the Council,_ you said. And that the people of the Outer rim were in danger and needed help. You even asked me to get as many others to our cause as I could. And so Alek joined too. And Jaden. And Cale, Tavlon and the others! May lost their lives there!"

"You're speaking nonsense," he said and face darkened. "You're speaking about things you know nothing about. I'd recommend you to stay quiet now. The Republic can handle the situation. There's no need for the Order's interference, Revan."

"How did you call me?"I whispered, taking few steps back until I felt my thighs touch the stony fountain behind me. "How can you know this name? It doesn't exist now."

"I know this name too well, Revan. It's dark, just like you are," he said and his scowl deepened. "I can feel it inside you. You don't belong to this place anymore."

The other Jedi around us seemed to take notice of our conversation. They gathered around us, forming a circle and closing it more and more tightly around us, blocking any possible way out. I eyed them carefully and didn't miss their lightsabers ready in their hands. Before I knew it, tens of blue, green, yellow and violet lightsabers were initiated at once, filling the large halls of the Chamber with the soft swooshing sound and a promise of battle.

Kavar had his lightsaber drawn and activated as well. "You are no longer a member of the Jedi Order, Revan. You serve as a pawn of the dark side, beyond redemption. For your crimes against both the Republic and the Order I sentence you to death."

"Death."

"Death."

"Death."

The word echoed hundred times through the Chamber as every present Jedi Knight repeated it, each time more and more loudly.

"This isn't real," I was trying to remind myself, watching the Master Jedi getting closer. "This isn't Kavar." He was walking slowly, his eyes never leaving mine. "You won't be hurting a friend." He lifted his lightsaber. And when he tried to cut me down, he met my own crimson blade. Bright sparkles lit his glowering, twisted face when out 'sabers clashed, turning it to a sheer mask of hatred. Closing my eyes for a moment I kicked him in the stomach. Or I tried, but my leg never found his body.

And as the cold enveloped me again and I opened my eyes, I found myself in the empty cave again.

I left out a long breath, looking at the lightsaber in my hand. "This place is wicked," I decided and for a moment I was thinking about turning back, but then I heard soft voices from somewhere deeper in the cave. Against my better judgment I continued down the large and never-changing corridor, following the occasional whispers. The cave started expanding into a round room, not unlike the chambers in Ajunta Pall's tomb. I stopped at my tracks when I noticed a group of people in its centre, gathered around a holoprojector projecting two planets in the air among them.

Now their voices were anything, but soft. The people were chatting excitedly, pointing and gesturing towards the two blue planets, one large and the other smaller.

"Retaking Onderon would mean a lot in next phase of the war, but I'm not sure we have what it takes to win the battle," was saying one of them. It was a small man dressed in an officer republic uniform. Unlike the other republic soldier beside him, Admiral Saul Karath, I had no idea who this one was.

"It's not Onderon we need, admiral. What's important is to drive the Mandalorians out of Dxun, their Inner Rim headquarters," a young woman opposed him. She was taller than him, slim and dressed in brown Jedi robes. Her dark hair were flowing down her shoulders, almost completely hiding her Padawan braid.

The last person there, a tall man with broad shoulders, bald head and confident smile, spoke up. "And we're not going to underestimate Mandalore's forces like the Republic did at the first battle of Dxun. I have faith in Revan's bold plan. Have you heard about it?"

"If not, he can tell you himself," Jaden added when she finally noticed me. She smiled at me broadly and a dimple appeared in her left cheek as usual. She always hated it, saying it was making her look childish.

I blinked when all three remaining heads turned to me.

"General," Admiral Karath greeted me with one of his rare smiles. The other Admiral nodded his head. "Its' a pleasure to meet you in person, Master Jedi," he said.

"The pleasure is all mine," I mumbled, playing along, when I approached the four of them.

"We were just discussing your plans for the upcoming battle, Revan," Alek informed me.

I nodded, looking sadly at the holograph in front of me. "It's so small, isn't it?" I asked absent-mindedly. "And it will soon drown in blood, unfortunately."

"Mandalorian blood," Karath said, proudly, as if the whole idea was his to begin with. He leaned against the holoprojector, nearing his face to the two planets. "After the droids are done with the AA turrets, there's no way they can stop the infantry and our fighters from crushing them like the vermin they are."

"Oh, but there was," I said silently, frowning. The Mandalore had known we were coming and he used the little time he had to prepare; set traps, minefields, hide weapons and evacuate. And it was my fault I hadn't thought of that. The droids were a great idea, clearing the way for the ground teams and destroying the AA turrets, but half of them were damaged before they could actually reach the towers. And then everything crumbled down, drenching the world in blood of my pilots, in blood of my friends and soldiers. For each Mandalorian ten Republic soldiers died that day. But it was a victory, bloody and costly, but a victory nonetheless.

"It's a formidable and rather daring plan, general," the Admiral said, watching the planets slowly and peacefully rotate around their axis as well. "And so many ground teams attacking the base at one time…it will require a perfect time synchronizing."

"And more droids," I said, biting my lip.

"Excuse me, general?" Karath looked at me. "More droids? You have already requested almost half of all the droids the fleet has."

"Admiral Karath, when I say something's needed, I do it because it's needed. I want more droids and I will get them. And when you're at it, get me EOD unit for every ground team. They will be necessary too."

Now it was Alek who grimaced. "Revan, I'm not sure if the fleet has that many of them."

"EOD units?" Jaden mused, touching her chin with her fingertips. "Do you expect mines down there?" It was funny she asked the question. She lost half of her unit because of one of the minefields on Dxun.

"I doubt the most important Mandalorian headquarters in the Inner Rim would be left unprotected," I said what I should have said much, much sooner. "And after so many crushing defeats Mandalore had to realize it was only a matter of time before we would attack Dxun as well. I believe he's making his hasty preparation as we speak."

Alek and Jaden exchanged knowing smiles. And suddenly I was alone in the room again. I sighed. "That wasn't so bad. If only all my mistakes could be undone so easily," I whished while hanging my head between my shoulders. I looked at my feet.

It was the cold that made me press forward, loosing myself deeper and deeper in the darkness. The air grew even colder as I made my progress, making my breath freeze in front of my face. And I could no longer bear touching the icy hilt of my lightsaber, no matter how often I was switching my hands. I had to turn off my only source of light and fasten it to my belt, but at least I could finally I pocket my hands. I stopped at the moment, waiting for my eyes to adjust to the dark. A shiver went down my spine when I realized I didn't really have to – a strange, dark violet aura was emanating from the walls, illuminating the corridor.

"Great…if I had known that, my fingers wouldn't have to freeze for so long," I said out loud. Originally it was supposed to be just a thought, but I needed to hear something else than my own footsteps echoing loudly through the stony corridor. "How long am I down here?" I continued my soliloquy. "Canderous and Bastila are surely searching for me already. I should turn around and...you? Oh…I was just waiting when you'd show up too," I frowned. When I looked up I saw another figure standing in the corridor with its back to me. But I recognized Raenah anyway.

He chuckled silently. "That sounds disappointed," he stated, amused, when he slowly spun around.

"Annoyed would be more like it," I spat, crossing my hands in front of me, watching him coming to me. "I'm cold, hungry, thirsty, tired and cold. It's enough I have to tolerate your presence on my ship. I have no mood for you now, so get lost."

He clicked his tongue few times. "And here I thought you'd be glad to see me after so long. Is it the pilot, I wonder?" he asked slowly.

"It is…none of your business," I retorted.

"Oh, but it is," he opposed me with this confident smile. He went around me and I followed him motion so that he would never stand behind my back. "Don't you get it? If it weren't for him you would have welcomed my return with opened arms…and maybe something else," he added and for a moment his eyes left my face.

I frowned at him. "You're not funny."

"I'm not trying to be funny," he replied, still circling around me, like a predator hunting its prey.

My scowl deepened. I moved my hand to rest on the hilt of my lightsaber. "I'm going to ignore the fact you're not even real. What was happening between us in the Unknown Regions is over. I wasn't enjoying it. I was doing to to ensure you'd help us."

His laughter filled the corridor and for once it seemed genuine. He even placed one of his hands on his chest. "You amuse me, heh. Really…jokes aside, are you trying to convince me? Or yourself? You know the truth lies elsewhere, Revan."

"Revan?" That was the first time I ever heard him use my name.

"It was the power you wanted. The power of my kind, the power of my Master." His face was deadpan again, his voice serious and and the distance between us shorter.

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, because it makes so much sense. I wanted the power, that's why I tried my best to resist your Master's _charms_."

"What if that's not how the things went? After all, your memory's broken."

"I remember that clearly, thank you very much. But I won't waste my time arguing with someone who doesn't even exist. Besides, real Raenah doesn't know about my amnesia."

He stopped walking suddenly, looking at the dusty ground at his feet. He took a slow, deep breath, I watched his chest rise and fall again. When I frowned and took a breath as well to speak finally, he lifted his head, locking his eyes with mine. In few quick steps he crossed the space separating us. I wanted to make a step back, but his strong hands grasped my arms and he turned me around, pressing my back to his chest, sliding his arms around my shoulders in gentle embrace. "You're the one oblivious one here, Revan. I know more than you think and that will be your end," he whispered and I felt his lips touch my ear tenderly.

"You're lying. Just like Kavar. You're just trying to throw me off balance," I said, closing my eyes firmly.

"Am I?" His hands let go of me, pushing me away from him forcefully. When I stopped and turned around at him, I half-expected to see an empty corridor, but here he stood, waiting, grinning madly. "You've claimed you were strong enough to block my Master's influence, but what if it wasn't the right thing to do?"

"It was," I answered calmly. I knew he was just trying to anger me. "Look at what he did to Alek. What monster has become of him."

"And what are you then?" he asked sharply. "You, who waged war upon your precious little galaxy. You, who tortured your fellow Jedi and friends. You, who are always ready to betray your loved one to get things your way."

I shook my head. "I'd never do such thing."

"But you would," he opposed me. "Face it, Revan, stop being a coward and face the truth. The Republic is on the very edge of complete destruction because of you. You brought it to it. You, not your friend, you, not your followers, but you!"

I frowned and fisted my hands when they started to shake in desire to hit him. "Liar," I growled, while slowly – but surely – loosing my temper.

"When my Master told you to search out the Star Forge, you followed his orders. And once you had the greatest power in the universe at your fingertips…"

"Then what?" I cut him off. "For your information, all I wanted was to protect the Republic. To make it stronger." I had no idea why I was telling him all this. But I felt this odd need to justify myself.

"By destroying it?" he replied, sounding strangely victorious. His eyes were bearing into mine so intensively as if he wanted to look at my very soul.

"Yes!" I blurted out, making one step forward. "The Republic was weak. It had to be rebuilt. The leaders had to be replaced! But to do so, the Republic first had to be destroyed!" My voice was rising as I finally allowed my feelings to get the better of me. "It wasn't heroic, I admit! A hero would never do it! But I never claimed to be a hero!"

Somehow, as soon as the words left my lips, I knew this was what Raenah wanted to hear. He smiled and his eyes lit with triumphant sparkles. "Say whatever you will, Revan, you are Sith through and through. Just like Sith'ari was."

A strange feeling run through my body when Raenah mentioned the name. _That's the second time I hear this name from a Sith…I wonder if the Academy has any information about this mysterious Sith'ari…_ I shrugged. "Sometimes, you just have to choose the lesser of two evils," I whispered, calming down once again.

"Do you?" he asked, smiling even more, tilting his head to the side and raising his eyebrow.

"I just wanted to make sure the Republic would be ready for you once you'd strike."

"And so you struck first. And failed. Whatever you planned, your friend baffled it."

I hung my head, looking at my feet. "I know. But I'm going to rectify that. I'm going to kill him and en…Raenah?" When I lifted my head again, he was gone.

I closed my eyes and pressed my fingers in them, sighing heavily. "No more," I said finally and looked around. "I have to get out of here before I go mad." I looked inside the corridor in front of me. Then I slowly turned around and bit my lip. I had no idea which way had led me there.

After a while of hesitating I simply set off, decided to turn around as soon as I spot anyone. But instead of another encounter I arrived at the very end of the corridor. There was a small burial chamber with the sarcophagus positioned on the other side of the room, standing up. The heavy stone lid was craved with the dead Sith's image and I was surprised to find it completely intact and distinguishable, unlike the one in Ajunta Pall's tomb, which was damaged a little.

Tentatively I stepped inside. The room was completely empty, apart from the sarcophagus itself, and that puzzled me, but I made myself stop thinking about it as I walked in front of it. I stopped half a meter away from it. The face which was looking at me from above, since the sarcophagus was much larger than me, was fair and peaceful. When I narrowed my eyes the corners of the Sith's lips seemed to be turned upwards a little in a shy smile. The Sith was standing in the coffin with his hands falling beside his sides.

"Hey," I greeted the Sith. Looking around briefly, I turned my back to the sarcophagus, sitting down. "Would you mind some company?"I asked the remains of the Sith inside and leaned against the cold lid with my back. "Of course you wouldn't. I bet you've been here all alone ever since you died." I hid my hands deep inside my sleeves and folded them in my lap.

"Could I ask you something?" I started silently, resting my head against the lid too. "Was everything that difficult when you were alive too? Was the line between being a Jedi and a Sith so thin as it seems to be today?"

I broke off for a moment, to sort out my thoughts. "You were a Sith Lord. So it must have been easy for you, but I never liked to be called by this title. But I was never a Jedi too. I….I mean…who am I?"

The room once again fell into silence, but after a moment, I heard it. A silent, long voice, calling from me, sighing: "Aaaaaadriiiiiiiaaaaaaaaanne…"

Calmly, I turned my head to look at the stony coffin. "Thanks for the help, buddy," I said in ironic tone, feeling nothing could surprise me here. "My name I know. But who is Adrianne? Or Revan for that matter? I know neither of the women anymore. Maybe I have never known them at all," I admitted. Sighing, I brought my knees to my chest and hugged them with my arms, resting my forehead on my knees. "All my life I've been making fun of everybody who was so anxiously afraid of the dark side, but…I've seen what it can do to a man and it's…what if…I mean, what if Raenah's right? And I'm slowly getting consumed by the dark side? I don't want to become a…"

The long, and somehow desperate, voice cut me off: "Reeeeeeeevaaaaaaaaaan!"

I smiled mildly. "No, I wouldn't mind being Revan. It's Darth Revan that scares me, because…but maybe it wouldn't really matter anymore. Do you know how people view a Force-users today? As a people who were given too much power. They don't see the difference between the Order and the Sith anymore and it's only my fault. I started it. And I'm afraid it's only a beginning. But I would like to change that and prove Raenah wrong. Master, I so wish you were here now. You always knew what to do," I said, looking at the ceiling as if it could somehow help me to talk to Arren, wherever she was.

I lifted my hand and knocked and the coffin behind me. "Hey, buddy, don't listen now. I'm going to have this private conversation with my Master now," I said to the Sith, before focusing on the darkness above me once more. "But I'm sure I know what you'd say. Never doubt yourself, Adrianne. When you do, you're doomed to fail."

"Aaaaaaaadriiiiiiiaaaaaanne."

"I told you not to listen," I repeated more loudly, turning my head to the heavy lid for a second. "But I can't help but doubt myself, " I continued talking to Arren as if she was there with me, sitting on the cold ground, leaning against even colder sarcophagus hiding an ancient corpse already eaten by worms. "You know I was never…happy in the Order. Maybe I knew it. Knew it all along, that I didn't belong there. I thought it was because of Buddy…" "Aaaaaaaadriiiiiiiaaaaaaaaanne." "…not you," I frowned. "Another Buddy. But it wasn't because of him. Maybe I simply wasn't made for the Order. Maybe I should have stayed in the Unknown Regions. Or…I should return there to finish what I started. Or at least die trying."

I closed my eyes for a moment, shaking my head. "Enough of this," I whispered. Slowly, I stood up, looking at the entrance to the room. "How pathetic I am! That's not about me! I'm sitting here, just like that, feeling so sorry for myself, but it's this galaxy I should be worried about? It's in danger and someone has to stop it. Maybe that was my purpose all along! Going to the war despite everything, continuing to the Unknown Regions…and the defeat at the Emperor's fortress! What if it wasn't a defeat at all. It might have been just a clumsy way how the Force intended to show me what what I was up against. So that the next time I wouldn't just walk in the trap blind and unprepared!"

"Revan!"

"Wait a minute…" I whispered. "That…that wasn't you speaking," I looked over my shoulder at the sarcophagus. Now the death Sith's stony face showed signs of guilt. "You liar…" I hissed at him, but then bend my head. And when I lifted it again, I was smiling again. "But I can't be mad at you anyway. It was nice talking to you. I promise to visit you next time I'm on Korriban. Until then, may the Force be with you." I patted the dirty cold lid with my palm few times, before turning to the entrance. I could already see a bright source of light in the corridor, coming closer to me. It was making me blind, so I had to shield my eyes. Even thought I saw only two shadows coming to me I knew who it was; Canderous and Bastila.

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><p>End, for now :) You know, completely useless and insignificatn chapter, but I enjoyed writing it anyway. Thanks for reading and if you feel like it you can leave a review or two to let me know what you think.<p> 


	29. Defeated

Disclaimer: I don't own Kotor

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><p>Uthar slowly rose from behind his table and looked at me with slightly raised eyebrows. His expression was strange, bearing certain emotions, but I simply couldn't decipher what exactly he was showing. He seemed pleased and content, but there was something else hiding in his eyes, and I wasn't sure I liked it.<p>

"Killed you say…" he echoed what I'd told him and went around his desk to stop in front of me. "What proof do you have?"

I simply pointed to my waist. There, on my belt, two single-bladed lightsabers were hanging instead of Bandon's double-bladed one. "Trophies," I explained when his eyes travelled back to mine.

"There were more of them than two," he pointed out, crossing his hands in front of me. Was he doubting my words? Well, he had all the reasons. The students were pretty much alive, all of them, including Lisa, and probably on their way off this planet.

A meek smiled tugged at one corner of my lips. "I don't need more. I have just two hands," I said.

I had previously asked for all five lightsabers, but then I realized I'd left tem unarmed. So I took only two, giving them Raenah's and Bandon's weapons in exchange and was happy with it; the double-bladed fighting style wasn't really my thing. I felt incredibly clumsy.

"And one of them is hurt, I see. Did they offer resistance?" he asked, stupidly enough. Anyone would fight for their lives if threatened.

I lifted one eyebrow. "Of course," I answered curtly, covering the huge bruise with on my left arm with my right hand. That had been Raenah's work. Once he found out about his lightsaber, he turned extremely violent. As soon as he touched me, digging his nail deep into my skin and drawing blood, everyone around us drew their weapons. HK, who had had his rifle prepared all the time, even fired at him, skilfully aiming at the middle of his back.

And that was when it happened. The time seemed to slow down a little as I watched his eyes grew wide. He shifted, slightly, his eyes looking to the side as if he actually could see the blast behind him. _Turn…_the word echoed through my mind just as his grip on my arm tightened. In order to dodge the blast he whirled around in a quick and fluent motion, switching our position and therefore putting me in the bolt's way. And I moved with him, continuing the turn, whirling us more than he wanted, than he anticipated. Instead to his back, he was shot to his arm. Although his armour absorbed the most of the damage, I still could see the dark red liquid slowly running down his arm.

"_Do you remember what I told you back on Leviathan?"_ I had said to him when I brought him closer to me. _"Know your enemy, Raenah."_

He didn't have to say what crossed his mind at the moment. The look gave it all away; hatred, animosity, hostility…

I had him locked in my quarters that time, knowing very well the ship wasn't safe anymore with him onboard.

_"Why don't you simply kill him?" Mission asked after that."Bastila told me you've already defeated him once."_

_ I shook my head. "At the time he didn't know me. He saw human and so he underestimated me. Killing him won't be as easy as beating him back then was."_

Uthar nodded his head slowly, his eyes never leaving mine, looking at me so intensively as if searching for something. "Well done, Raven. I'm glad the matter's solved."

I didn't nod, I didn't smile, I simply turned around and left his office, feeling less victorious than I'd thought I would. Mission and Jolee were waiting for me nearby in the corridor. Mission was sitting on the ground, while Jolee was leaning against the wall. "Let's go, guys. The alley's waiting," I said when I past them by and continued down the corridor to the entrance hall. But before I could actually reach it, the tall blonde menace of the Academy stepped in my way.

Lashowe shot me a fierce glare, crossing her hands in front her body. "Do you really think getting rid of us will help you get the favour?" she asked sharply, clenching her teeth.

I was taken aback. "Eh…a pure logic says: yes, removing all the obstacles in your way will get you to your destination much faster. Why do you ask?"

I didn't know it was even possible, but her eyes grew even colder after that. "I know what you did. But it ends here."

"Maybe this all makes sense in your pretty blond head, but I don't follow you here," I said simply.

Mission shifted her weight and coughed, producing a sound suspiciously similar to: Shaardan.

Lashowe's cheeks flushed. "First Shaardan, then Dustil, now Mekel's missing. I know it's your doing, bitch," she hissed, furious.

I shrugged. "My, what a reputation I have." I considered it beneath me to try to explain I didn't even know who Mekel was, apart from the moment in the dining room the day before. When I made a step forward, however, she initiated her lightsaber. The crimson light casted a dark shadow over her pale face.

I narrowed my eyes, freezing. "Put that thing away," I said silently. "You don't want to engage in combat with me."

"You'd never defeat me."

"Would I? I killed Shaardan, remember? The best of the best here in the Academy," I reminded her. The confession about the young man's death made her eyes grew wide.

"So you did kill him!"

I smiled, lowering my head a little to look at her through my eyelashes. "Why, yes I did," I whispered. "But I've never harmed Dustil and as for Mekel, apart from the fact I don't even know him properly, I haven't seen him since yesterday," I said and a familiar foretelling run through my body.

_"And they say students are disappearing in Tulak Hord's tomb. Maybe it would be worth investigating."_

"I don't believe you," she hissed through clenched teeth and her hand tightened the grip on her lightsaber. But she didn't seem to be sure to attack me though.

I shook my head in amusement. "Do you know what your problem is?" I asked and answered right away: "You make people your enemies instead of your allies."

Her eyes narrowed and she turned her head slightly. "What do you mean?" she barked at me.

"Well…I could be useful to you. I've been here for…what? Two days? And yet I've managed to draw our dear headmaster's attention pretty easily. As you probably know, I've brought him the sword of Ajunta Pall and got all the credits for it. And yesterday I helped him with another problem you all had been neglecting all the time."

"I've discovered an ancient relic hidden in the one of the toms as well," she blurted out.

"And where is it?" I asked in a mocking tone. "Have you presented it to Mater Uthar yet? Oh…wait, no. You haven't. Poor little pathetic you…"

That was apparently too much for her. Her lightsaber flung through the air, landing on the blade of my lightsaber with a loud hiss and a spray of bright sparks.

I deflected her lightsaber away, leaving her whole body exposed for a moment. I lifted my right hand, already accumulating the Force in my palm. I threw it against her body, sending her crashing against the thick, cold wall of the Academy. She groaned and then grunted when she slid to the ground, searching for the lightsaber she had dropped.

"Looking for this?" I asked, toying with the hilt, turning it in hands. I tossed to her, but she never moved to catch it. It landed with a several loud clinks on the floor, rolling towards her.

"It always comes to it, it seems," I said silently in a deadly serous voice. "Never confront anyone this way unless you're hundred percent sure you can't lose. And to achieve it, you must first know who you're up against." I came to her, crouching in front of her. "Do you know anything about Mandalorian basilisk war droids? I've destroyed few of those armed with nothing but my lightsaber. A greenhorn such as you could never take me down. Remember it, Lashowe."

I turned my back to her and left her sitting on the ground.

Mission, ignoring the fact we were still inside the Academy, appeared by my side. "Why did you tell her that?" she asked.

"I wonder that too," Jolee said quietly behind me.

I frowned and stopped just as we entered the entrance hall. I looked around, making sure nobody was within our earshot, before I turned to my friends. "I need the holocron she found. But she would never agree to share the information about its whereabouts with me willingly. Thus I need her to _ask_ for my help."

"Bold plan," Jolee said with thoughtful expression in his eyes. His fingers were holding his chin as he was slowly nodding his head. "She's very proud however. What makes you think she will come to you?"

I shrugged. "Nothing. I realize it's a long shot, but if I hit, I'll win a jackpot. Now hush." Wordlessly I continued down the hall, walking to the exit from the Academy.

...

"I don't get it," Mission said once the large stony door closed behind us. Both Jolee and I initiated our lightsabers. It felt so good to have both hands full, not that the two red lightsabers could produce more light than one; Jolee's green 'saber was still brighter. "Why are we looking for this Mekel? It won't help you, will it?" Mission went on, walking between me and Jolee.

"It's not about finding Mekel, it's about exploring this tomb," I said simply, narrowing my eyes at the darkness in front of me. The corridor was going on and on, heading deeper inside the massive rock structure in which it was carved.

"Hundreds of other students have explored it before us. I doubt they have left anything interesting in here," she went on, gesturing with her hands in front of her. She wasn't paying any attention to our surroundings.

I smiled and gave her a sideway glance. "You thought the same back in the Ajunta Pall's tomb?" I reminded her. "Besides, Yuthura recommended me to search this place."

"As for Yuthura…" Jolee changed the topic, "you spent quite a time in her office this morning. What were you two talking about?" he asked.

"Her. I…" I smiled at the memory, "I befriended her."

"You did what?" Mission asked confusedly, looking at me with curious expression.

"I talked to her. Showed interest in her person. And I'm glad I did. She's very remarkable woman. And she used to be a Jedi once."

"Let me guess, you want to redeem her," Jolee said, his tone bore clear signs of amusement.

I chuckled. "If the opportunity pops up...How did you know?"

"Well," he started saying, grinning as well, "you made an ancient Sith Lord return to the light side. Why not a teacher in the Sith Academy?"

"The Sith was devastated and glad to return to his Master," Mission spoke up. "But Yuthura seems...well...she's already planning on taking over the Academy once Uthar is dead, isn't she? Why would she want to become a Jedi?"

"Smart question. You know, I was thinking about it a lot. I guess..." I tensed suddenly when I heard something.

"What is it, lass?" Jolee asked.

"I heard something..." I breathed out, straining my ears.

"What?" Mission's hand moved to her belt and unholstered her blaster.

"Steps…in the corridor in front of us," I said, frowning.

"Some other student?" Jolee offered and I shrugged. "No idea. But we should really stop talking. Our voices carry on, here, giving us perfectly away way sooner than the light."

"I agree," Jolee nodded and fell few steps behind me and Mission. When we set off again, we walked in complete silence. I was taking the lead, holding the lightsaber tightly, ready for an attack.

This tomb wasn't as large as the one of Ajutna Pall. It consisted mainly of the main corridor, only occasionally leading to small rooms full of debris, dirt...and Shyracks. Lot of them.

But eventually we reached the end of the corridor. I approached the large door and tried to open them, but it was locked. I frowned and looked around. My eyes found their way on the ground as well. And my scowl deepened.

"Dead end…" Mission stated simply, already turning around.

"No," I shook my head firmly crouching on the ground in front of the door. I lowered my hand to bring the lightsaber closer so that I could see better. "Look. The ground's covered with dirt all around, but these traces look fresh. As if someone passed through this door just minutes ago," I added and looked at it. "And now's locked."

"Which means the person knew how to open it," Jolee stepped in.

"Than let's bring it down," Mission offered.

I frowned and rose to my feet again. "No, maybe there's some way to open it quietly."

"And would it really matter?" the girl asked, looking around. "They probably already know we're here. After all, if you heard them, they had to hear us."

"She has a point," Jolee agreed.

"it doesn't matter. Let's look around, for some switch, button, anything..." I said and lifted the lightsaber above my head again.

The soft click that rung through the corridor made me spun around quickly. But then Mission rolled her eyes and quietly passed out, the blaster in her hand hitting the ground right before her body followed with a silent thud.

"Mission!" I screamed and rushed to her, kneeling beside her. When I took another breath, to order Jolee to help me drag her from here, I had the feeling someone's cold fingers were around my throat, squeezing it and making it impossible to suck in the air. "Jolee..." I eventually cracked, but when my already closing eyes found him, he was lying on the ground. My limbs were starting to feel limp as well. I was fighting to stay conscious, but the lack of the oxygen and my blackening vision eventually defeated me.

...

_ "…dare…going to regret...doesn't suspect a thing...betray...kill...her friend...kill...the Star Forge...mine…"_

_...  
><em>

I felt so weak when I finally woke up again. I couldn't feel my hands and legs and my head was hurting too. My eyelids felt just too heavy, but I opened them nonetheless. I was lying on the cold ground. The light was dim and it casted dancing shadows over the ceiling. Fire.

I turned my head to the side. The room was round and small with something large in the middle.

_Burial chamber…how did I get here?_

I heard a chuckle. "Ah…finally, our little friend has finally woken up. Have you had nice dreams?" The voice was full of mockery, speaking so loudly it made my head throb some more.

I gathered all the strength I could to sit up and looked around to find the source of the voice. On the other side of the room I spotted a man, short, bald with tattoos all over his head. His face was wrinkled and his eyes shining from his place face with a cruel gleam. There was something familiar about him, though I was sure I had never met him. "Jorak, huh?" I rasped, remembering my last time on Korriban, when Uthar had informed me well about his old crazy Master.

That seemed to take him aback. "My, yes, I'm surprised you know me. Not many students do. None actually," he mused, thinking for a moment.

My hand went searching to my belt, but my lightsabers weren't there. I looked around once more. I saw the exit from the room and both of my friends near to it, lying helplessly on the ground with their hands behind their back. Jolee was looking back at me, but Mission's eyes were still closed.

"But it doesn't matter," the old man went on and when I looked at him again, I noticed my lightsaber were hanging from his belt alongside his own. "What matters is we can finally start our test. And here you were so afraid you'd be stuck here for who knows how long, weren't you, Mekel?" Jorak turned around to look at someone on the ground. The sarcophagus was obscuring my view when I was sitting, so I tried to stand up. I head to lean on the large stony coffin, but I managed.

Mekel was lying on the other side. He had an ashen face with dark circles under his eyes and traces of blood under his nose and cheek; he'd probably tried to wipe the blood away with the back of his hand or a sleeve. He was sweating heavily and his eyes locked with mine for a second. He looked tired.

"What test?" I asked and looked back at Jorak.

"What test?" he repeated with an evil smile. "A simple one. At least for those who's been studying hard enough in the Academy," he added and chuckled.

"What do you mean?"

Jorak rolled his head and looked at the ceiling as if he couldn't believe his ears. "I'm going to ask you few questions, of course! But worry not. They won't be difficult, really."

Somehow it failed to reassure me. "Why?" I asked, desperately trying to buy me some time. I still felt groggy and numb and in no shape to fight or be questioned, for that matter. Whatever sort the questions were going to be.

"Why? Why! Because I'm bored!" he snapped at me, coming little closer to me, waving his fisted hands around. "Students don't come here often, so when they finally do I have to make the best of it. Besides it's for the good of the Academy too. My apprentice can't sort out the students who belong to the Academy and those that should be kicked out. Not every student has the knowledge about what it means to be a true Sith." He broke off after that, looking confused in a way people do when they are interrupted in something they had been drowned in deeply. "What was I saying?" he asked, confirming my thoughts that the dark side cost him more than just colour of his skin and eyes. He was insane.

"But that's not necessary, is it?" I asked silently. "We can just…talk…without all this, can we?" I offered, but he simply swayed his finger at me. "And where would the fun be in that? No, no, it is necessary. One gets to know a lot of interesting facts this way," he explained, smiling, showing his yellow, rotten teeth.

"Why is Mekel here then?" I kept asking, pleased that my voice sounded stronger and stronger with every sentence. My hands were slowly stopping shaking and my legs felt steadier too. I was glad the effects of the gas were finally starting to fade away.

Jorak's smile got wider. "I'm glad you asked," he said, genuinely pleased. "Mekel here," he broke off, approaching the young man. He patted him few time on his head. Mekel grimaced at his touch, obviously disliking it, but didn't move away from his it. "…is going to be kind of your motivation. Well…no, motivation's not it, but…well, it doesn't matter. As I said, I'm going to ask you questions. If your answers are wrong, I'll punish you. If not, Mekel gets punished," he started laughing. "And considering the states you're both in you wouldn't survive long. Isn't it perfect? Either you, or him. Mh-hm, whom will you chose, I wonder?" The cheerfulness in his voice was scaring me.

"You're a madman!" I screamed, feeling suddenly much stronger. This wasn't about me anymore; an innocent life was at stake now.

Or as innocent as it could get…he was a Sith after all.

Jorak clicked his tongue. "Genius!" he corrected me, pointing at his hest.

"No, you're the worst example of a Sith I've ever seen. And I've seen a lot," I said, disgusted, and finally dared to let go of the sarcophagus. I straightened.

Jorak grunted something, waving his hand in the air dismissively. "So can we start, finally?" he asked.

I looked at him. There was eagerness and cruelty in his eyes and obvious desire to kill one of us. "And if I refuse to answer your questions?"

He shrugged nonchalantly. "You'll get punished, of course. But why would you do that, hm?" he tilted his head to one side.

I averted my eyes from him and focused on Mekel. He really looked weary. His expression was exhausted and empty, as if he already knew how it all would end. As if he'd already came to term with this ending in his death. "Ask away," I said and looked back at the old Sith Master.

He clasped his hands few time. "Fantastic! So…imagine. There's a Sith. Good soldier and warrior and even better leader. But then he makes mistake and you have the opportunity to get rid of him and take over his position. What will you do?" he asked, his eyes shining like those of a kid who'd been given a candy and is about to unwrap it and put into the mouth.

I smiled, looking on my feet for a moment, bracing myself. "Nothing. He's a good leader. More useful for the Sith alive than dead." I gave a sideway glance to Mekel. He looked…surprised. His eyes widened and I noticed his nostrils flared.

Jorak on the other hand paid me quite a different look. "What? And throw away such great opportunity? What about your carrier? What do they teach you in the Academy these days?" he yelled at me and lifted his hand. I knew what was coming even before the blue, cracking lightning bolts left his fingers. When the agony was over, I was lying in the dust again. My head was spinning and I had this strange humming in my ears. I felt blood on my tongue as well and a sharp pain inside my cheek where I had bitten myself. I spat the blood on the ground, lifting myself on my feet again, ignoring the shaking muscles. "Come on," I cracked, my voice hoarse again. "That was it, old man? I thought you could do better than that," I couldn't help but taunt him a little. "Another question?"

Jorak wrinkled his forehead, displeased. "Very well…" he mumbled. "Your friend has helped you to uncover something of a great value. You know the one who gets it to your commander will be rewarded. If you bring it to him together, both of you will be rewarded. But if you kill your friend and presented it to your commander…" he didn't finish and looked at me curiously, waiting for my answer.

"He helped me, didn't he?" I asked. "He deserves the reward as much as I do."

Jorak helplessly shook his head, putting his hands on his sides. "Dead duck…"

This time it took me much longer to stand up again. I felt the blood running down my chin from my mouth, but didn't bother to wipe it away. I was breathing heavily when I gazed at the old man. "I guess…I guess I got that…wrong," I said meekly, fighting the blackening edges of my vision.

"If I were you," Jorak said, his voice sounded eerily distant over the humming, "I'd picked my answers more carefully. The questions are not that difficult and…you would not last long, mind you. Would be a pity, don't you think?" he leaned closer to me and it was his hand that finally wiped the blood from my face. His hand was cold, so cold, like death. And when he touched me I saw something. A flash of orange light, linking me and him. I heard a scream, but this time it wasn't mine, and I felt the energy flooding my body again, making me stronger.

I shook my head and blinked the vision away, backing from his touch. _I swore once to never using it again…_

"So the last question," Jorak went on, rubbing his hand against the dirty clothes of his to get rid of my blood.

_But what other option I have? Maybe...Maybe I could answer right this time. Mekel would surely survive it, but I..._

"And now, really, pay attention. This one's tricky."

_No...I'm stronger than I was back then. I can handle myself. I can do it!_ I lifted my eyes to him, glaring at him. "Don't bother," I rasped out. "I refuse…I refuse to answer."

His eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Are you sure? Do you realize the next punishment might be fatal for you? Won't you at least try?" he was asking, shifting his weight. "You will die if you don't."

I shook my head and smirked. "I won't die," I said, looking at him. My next words were whispered, but in the silence of the chamber they carried as if I yelled them loudly. "A true Sith never dies." I lifted my hand in the air, aiming at him and focusing for a second. His shrieks filled the chamber as I used the Force to drain the life from him and fed myself on it. He fell to his knees, screaming. Crumbled on the floor, begging. And only then I stopped, fully refreshed, feeling anew.

I closed the distance between us in half a heartbeat, turning him on his back, straddling him. When my fist made a contact with his face, I heard a crack and it sent a pleasant shivering down my spine. So I hit him again. And again. His hands stopped shoving me away, he stopped struggling. My hand was sore, but I never went on. I loved the way his face turned into a pulp of blood, flesh, teeth and shattered bones. I loved it each time his skull made another crack, never minding the pain in my own hand and wrist. Maybe some of the cracks belonged to me too, but I didn't care.

"Revan, stop it! He's dead! Revan!" A pair of strong hands grasped me around my waist and lifted me easily in the air as if I was just a feather, and tossed me to the side. Only when I landed on my hands and knees I realized just how much my right wrist hurt. It couldn't hold my weight and sent me crashing on the ground, hitting my head.

"What is wrong with you?" Jolee screamed at me. I had never heard him scream this way before.

I looked at my hand. It was all covered in blood, both his and mine, and throbbing painfully. I started shaking when I half sat up, supported only by my left hand, and turned my head to look through the space between his legs on the body. I sucked on the air when immediately turned away when I realized what I had done.

_No..._

"Well? Turn around again," Jolee commanded in firm voice.

I shook my head. "No." _No, no..._

"Revan, turn around. Look at him."

"Don't make me, please," I whimpered. "I know what I…and I'm…sorry. I'm sorry! I don't what…what came over…me…" I was lying. I knew. When I had used the dark power, it made me blind, just like the last time. But back then I was in the Sith Empire and the violent behaviour caused by the dark side clouding my mind and my better judgment was welcomed.

Suddenly I wished I was there again. I had been free there.

"Slaughtering him like this…that's not a Jedi way." I wanted to turn at him at the time, and shout: I'm no Jedi!, but he spoke up first: "I hope he hand hurts properly at least."

"It does," I admitted.

"Good." This time when his hands took me around my waist and pulled me to my feet, it was in much gentler manner. He put few strands of my hair behind my ear, studying my face closely while catching my chin in his hand to prevent me from turning my head. He was especially interested in my eyes and I was ashamed to know why. "I don't want to see you in the presence of the red creature ever again. At least not alone. When you want to talk to him again I'll be there too. It apparently has bad influence on you. Understood?" he whispered loud enough only for me to hear. I nodded.

"Good lass." He frowned slightly and let go of my face, catching my right hand in his palm and bringing it up between us. It had already started to swell and it turned ugly shade of blue…or maybe it was the poor light here.

He touched the hand under the elbow and closed his finger tightly around it. "Does it hurt?"

I shook my head. "Elbow's okay, I guess."

He nodded and pressed my hand gently against my stomach. "Hold it there," he said, guiding my other hand to support the broken one. I turned after him as he went to the student. Mekel was standing near Mission now; probably it had been him who freed Jolee. But he seemed stun now, his eyes focused Jorak's corpse.

"You okay, kid?" he asked.

"She murdered him," Mekel said, his voice shivering.

"He tried to murderer her," Jolee opposed him and offered his hand to help him up. "He was torturing her, while she was trying to save you. You can't blame her for wanting a bit of revenge." He spoke one thing, but meant other: total disapproval. That much was clear. I was going to get a lecture once we're back on Ebon Hawk, I knew it.

"Revenge is not a Jedi way," I whispered, looking at my feet again. They were very interesting all of sudden, and all the dirt shoes and blood splatters...they were all over my clothes…I quickly lifted my eyes at Jolee again.

"Keep reciting the code, lass. Loudly, so I can hear it."

I bent my head again, but closed my eyes. "There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no…no...chaos there is harmony. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no death, there is the Force," I was saying while he was talking to the boy.

"You switched the third and fourth verse. Start over."

"There is no emotion. There is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no chaos, there is harmony. There is no death, there is the Force."

"Once again, lass. So the next time this madness comes over you, you remember."

"There is no emotion. There is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no chaos, there is harmony. There is no death, there is the Force."

"Thank you," Mekel said right after I was done as if he was waiting for the moment.

I was expecting to hear Jolee urging to recite the code again, and Mekel's voice surprised me. I lifted my eyes to him, to see both him and Jolee looking at me. I frowned in confusion, cradling my hurt hand, my eyes travelling between them.

"Thank you for saving my life," Mekel said again. He wasn't scared anymore, that much was clear. "The questions were easy. You could have answered them correctly if you wanted."

"I didn't want," I said.

He nodded. "I know…it must have been…" he hesitated, looking at the corpse.

"I'm sorry for that," I said hastily, drawing his attention back at me. "I…got little carried away."

"I understand," he nodded, this time glancing at Jolee. "So you're…really him? Her? I mean…Darth Revan?"

"Just Revan now." _Hopefully._

"I…that's…" he started speaking, looking at Jolee who nodded. "Incredible," the old man said instead of him. "But not impossible. Think of what I said, lad. This place isn't really good for you."

"Maybe you're right. And if the Council accepted even the Dark Lord…" I stopped paying attention to what Mekel was saying when I realized something. Mission. She was still lying motionlessly at their feet. "What's with Mission?" I asked, making a stop to them.

"She's alright, don't worry," Jolee said. "The toxin just affects her differently. She's just fourteen, remember? It will take her longer time before she wakes up, but she's alright. But it would be better if we moved her to the ship, don't you think? Mekel, would help me with her?"

"I can help you too," I offered and approached them as Mekel lifted Mission into his arms.

"No," Jolee shook his head. "You take this to Uthar." He was giving me a datapad.

"What is this?"

"It belonged to Jorak here. Might interest the headmaster."

"It...might," I nodded, frowning at my own reflection. My nose was bleeding too and there was still some blood on my chin, smudged.

"We'll take the rout through the cave, and you go straight through the Academy. I'll meet you on the ship, later."

I lifted my eyes to him when he and Mekel started to leave. "Jole...the hand..." I started helplessly, but his glowering face silenced me. "Does it hurt?" he repeated his own question from not so long ago.

I looked at it, swollen and useless. "It does. It's broken."

He nodded and paid me a sad look. "Then clench your teeth and suffer quietly. And be glad it's only your hand that's broken," he added, tossing his head towards the corpse.

I looked at Jorak, but I couldn't bear the sight of his head. Jolee and Mekel were gone, however, when I gazed to the exit again. I hung my head, letting my shoulders drop. I had never felt more defeated.

* * *

><p>Exhausted, yes I am. But I managed to put it here, so I'm glad :) Thank you for reading and for all your comments and reviews :)<p> 


	30. Don't put off until tomorrow

Disclaimer: I don't own Kotor

* * *

><p>"For the Force's sake, Adrianne! Where have you been? Jolee said you'd be arriving…"<p>

"I know," I sighed, cutting Bastila off. I approached the seat around the holopanel and sat down heavily, letting out a long breath. I bend over and rested my forehead against the holopanel. Goosebumps arose on my skin when I touched the cool steel. I closed my eyes so that the world would stop shaking and spinning around me. I felt like I was about to faint any minute. I was glad I'd made it to the ship.

She hurried to my side, kneeling beside me and slightly touching my left arm. "I'll get Jolee. Wait here," she said.

"Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere," I said in tired voice, listening to her quick steps when she left me alone in the room, and soon I heard her coming back in company of someone else. I lifted my head to look at the old man. His eyes widened when they locked with mine. "Lass…what…" he started, but I lifted my left hand to stop him. Every muscle in my arm painfully protested when I made them stretch under the deep scratches. The blood started running again from the wound. Pumped from the veins by the sudden move, it was foaming on the wound edges, tickling as it run down my elbow, drenching the ripped sleeve of my shirt. My gaze followed the red drops when they fell on the ground.

"...happened?" I finished for him and gave an empty chuckle. "My plan worked. That happened. Now could you finally get over here and heal it? It's painful as hell," I said, clenching my teeth when I allowed the bleeding arm to fall to my hips again. "And the wrist as well," I reminded him when he knelt beside me and begun his work.

Bastila looked honestly worried. She sat down on the seat next to mine and looked at the swollen wrist when I laid it on the holopanel. It felt great to have it cooled a little. "What plan?" she asked softly and looked at me with sympathy.

I took a slow breath. "To obtain a Jedi holocron," I answered shortly and looked at Jolee. "When I returned, Lashowe came to me, right after I left Uthar's office. I knew I had only that one chance and that I couldn't simply tell her to wait 'till I return from here. So I did what you had told me: clenched my teeth and suffered quietly. And followed her right away." Bastila was frowning in confusion, she logically had no idea what I was talking about, but once Jolee opened his eyes and looked at me, he knew. "She took you to a tomb?" he asked, standing up. He was done with my left arm. The skin was whole again and flawless. The only reminder of the deep wound was the blood all over my clothes and arm.

He went around me to get a better access to my right hand, saying: "And you went? You fool, you could have gotten yourself killed!" My head was following his movement so it was easy to dodge the slap when it came. "No stupid holocron is ever worth it!" he added, frowning deeply when he took my hand in his carefully. His fingers were pleasantly cold, but soon they got much warmer.

I sneered. "My life's not worth many things, Jolee, but at the moment I was desperate to get the holocron and get it to Uthar and get inside the frackin' tomb and get the map and get the fuck out of this place!"

Bastila placed a comforting hand on my shoulder for a moment. I knew she could feel the struggle of all the emotions in me. Anger, guilt, rage, shame… I closed my eyes, enjoying the pleasant sensation spreading through my hand. I took a slow breath to calm down before I went on with the story: "But eventually it was all for nothing."

"How so?" Jolee asked, finally done. He walked in front of me, leaning against the holopanel.

"Well, as it happened, the holocron had been eaten by the Tuk'ata queen, so you can imagine," I broke off, lifting the right hand to my eye level. I fisted it and flexed and fisted once again. It felt still a little stiff, but there was no pain. "We went to their nest, there were…" I closed my eyes and shook my head, "dozens of them. And I had only my left hand to fight with. Somehow we managed to cut our way to the queen. Since that moment things went straight to hell," I sighed in frustration. "She leaped on me, knocking me down…and well…I just remember her standing on my chest…those…those huge paws with sharp claws. She was about to rip my throat open, but I was faster. II gutted her, making all her insides come out. I must reek so terribly I wonder none of you have complained about it so far," I shrugged and looked at my torso. "I think I can throw the clothes away. I do that a lot, lately," I mused. "She gathered all her remaining strength and almost ripped my arm off, however," I added nonchalantly. "Bitch."

"And the holocron?" Bastila asked silently. "You said something went wrong. What happened?"

"Apart from me lying under huge mutated hound?" I grimaced. "Lashowe, well…she grabbed the holocron and before I knew it she was gone."

The young Jedi was apparently shocked so much she even forgot to close her mouth. "What? She left you in a nest full of Tuk'ata alone? Hurt?" she asked incredulously. Naïve girl… "Duh. She was a Sith, remember?"

Jolee picked at the most important part: "Was?" he echoed.

I dropped my eyes. "That was the moment I honestly thought I was going to die. I didn't think it could work; nevertheless I tried to use the Force. It was a long shot, but I was desperate. And I did it; I put them all into stasis. I…I didn't even know I could, but…" I shrugged, still reluctant to meet their eyes.

"How did Lashowe die?" Jolee asked, although something in his tone was telling me he already knew.

I hung my head. There came the worse part. "I found the two of them…Uthar and Lashowe…talking in the entrance hall. He was praising her for getting the holocron, and every student around was looking enviously at her. She had this…this…" I frowned, trying to remember the scene, but suddenly I realized I could not recall her face clearly. I shut my eyes tightly and pressed my fingers in them. "And then she noticed I was there. Uthar did too and made a step back from her. He smiled for a second, or smirked. Sneered. It wasn't a happy smile, more like: I'm curious about where this might go. I felt incredibly dizzy."

"Probably the blood loss," Bastila interrupted me.

I nodded. "I terrified her. The hall had fallen quiet so I could hear how she took a sharp breath. She was surprised to see me alive. She thought the Tuk'ata would kill me. And for a moment I…I felt like all those years back, standing on the Predator's bridge with Alek kneeling in front of me bathing in his own blood and…and felt all the rage and anger and…I didn't even realized I lifted my hand and…the lighting…"

I felt someone's hand on my shoulder again, squeezing lightly. "It threw her across the large hall, smashing her against the wall. She crumpled down soundlessly, as if she was nothing but a rag doll. She was dead," I said it finally, opening my eyes and looking at Jolee in front of me. It was his hand resting on my shoulder. "Her head was…and there were those thin trickles of blood running from her ears and nose. She was dead," I repeated. "I didn't mean to kill her. I wanted to let it go, to forget about the holocron, but…and Uthar approved. He told me to wait for him in front of the tomb of Naga Sadow tomorrow. I know that was what we were trying to accomplish here, but…I mean I just…I just…"

"_You may hide behind fancy words, but you can't change who you are…you can't be a Jedi. You never will be. You're a Sith…through and through. Sooner or later, it will consume you."_

Chills went down my spine. I shuddered.

"You look exhausted," Jolee said calmly as if he hadn't heard anything of what I just said.

"You have no idea," I sighed, trying to get rid of the painful memory. Bandon's words were still echoing through my mind as if he was right here, whispering them to my ear.

"Then go clean yourself up a little, eat something and get some rest," Bastila said silently. She was frowning. "I've already moved our things from our former quarters to the cargo hold."

I shook my head. "I need to do something first…I need to talk to a certain someone and ask for some exp…" I started saying, but Jolee's hand suddenly squeezed much tighter.

"No," he said simply.

"Jolee, you don't under…"

"I understand very well, Revan. You didn't want to bring Juhani with you to the Academy, because you knew what it could do to a Force-user. Yet you don't hesitate and spend so much time in the man's presence even thought he's affecting you like hundred times more than Geonosis."

"He's not a man," I said the only thing that I could say at that.

"That's not the point," he retorted and crouched, touching me gently under my chin to lift my head up, making me look him in the eyes. "I am genuinely worried about you, lass. I know you're not only strong, but headstrong as well. However, try to understand that there's only so much even the strongest of us can bear. Even you have your limits. No matter how important what you want to talk to him about is, it can wait until we're off the planet. Then you can throw him out of the airlock for all I care. But give yourself some time to pull yourself together now."

"Jolee's right, Adrianne," Bastila add her voice as well. "If you break down, we all will. We need you at your best and to be at your best, you need to take care of yourself now."

I hung my head, acknowledging my defeat. "You're right," I whispered. "It's important, but it can wait a day longer." _After all, he won't act before I get the last star map. _"I'm going to hit the shower now. I need to get all the blood and…entrails off me." I stood up, thought too quickly. I felt light-headed all of sudden and if it weren't for Jolee's hand supporting my back, I would have fallen. "Careful there, lass," he said.

I nodded and sent him a weak smile. He let me go reluctantly, watching with a frown as I slowly made my way to the shower. I stopped briefly at the crossroad however, glancing to the direction of my former quarters. My palm closed as if it wanted to hold something long and thin and cold, something that could end _the_ problem permanently. Everything in me was screaming at me to go there and do it, but then I looked over my shoulder and saw the two Jedi gazing back at me. I smiled at them and went on, to the shower, wondering whether I had just made the greatest mistake in my life or not.

...

I felt so much better when I left the cargo hold, clean and refreshed, and joined my friends in the main hold. Bastila smiled at me and Juhani simply nodded her head. Mission was there too, eating something, and she smiled a broad smile at me when I entered.

"Hey there!" she tried to say with her mouth full, but only managed to spit crumbles all over Zaalbar. She giggled and covered her mouth with her hand, watching Zaalbar growled in discontentment.

"It's good to see you up," I said.

She waved her hand in the air and swallowed. "Hey, I'm not such a wagtail, you know?"

"I was just afraid…"

"Why don't you sit down?" she cut me off. "You're pale."

I took a slow breath, scratching the back of my neck. "Eh…I…am heading to the Academy. I'm going to sleep over there. I need to…eh…do some research, let's say."

/I don't think it's a good idea. You really don't look well. You should be here with us,/ Zaalbar said, while trying to get all the crumbles from his rich fur.

I shrugged. "I am not excited about it either. I just have to do it."

Bastila raised her eyebrow. "Have to?"

"I've discovered something in the tombs and would like to find more information about it. It's…important to me. Really important."

She shrugged. "Have it your way."

_That was easy…_ I thought. But maybe Bastila simply felt through our bond that this really meant a great deal to me. "Thank you," I smiled slightly and slowly crossed the room.

"Before you go," her voice made me spun around again, "your nephew sent a message this morning."

"Dustil? So they are on Coruscant now? They should be by now. What was their journey? I asked.

She smiled. "I don't know. He didn't mention. What he said, however…the Republic's fleet's mobilizing in its full force."

"It's all over holonet!" Mission added.

"Holonet?" I repeated. As good as the news was, this fact was leaving me a little worried here. "I hope Alek hasn't been on it lately."

"He's probably already figured you were coming for him," Juhani pointed out. "And if not, the Republic headquarters have managed to keep the true reasons behind the sudden action secret so far. All the public got are the speculations."

"It's good to know they're doing at least something right," I commented.

"And that wasn't all," Mission added, smiling. "Carth wanted Dustil to pass on a message for you."

"Mission," Bastila addressed her, sounding strict.

"What? Hey, you two agreed not to tell her anything, not I," she defended herself.

"Okay, okay, okay," I stepped in. "What was the message about?"

"The Council. He said they should have exiled you long ago. I know, sounds terribly, but Dustil was smiling the whole time, so maybe there was another meaning hidden behind it. Do you know what he could mean by that?" she asked.

"No, I don't," I answered emotionlessly. "And I don't care," I forced myself to add. "I thought, after our last discussion we had, we were okay again, but apparently I was wrong. And it's pointless to…" _love someone who doesn't love you back, _"…dwell on that past. Besides, he was probably right. They should have exiled me long ago. I…I really should go now. I have a lot to do…ehm…see you tomorrow," I sent them a false smile and with neutral face I went down the ramp. I heard Bastila saying something, but I couldn't make any words.

Slowly I passed by the Sith standing guard at the gate of the hangar, walked through the colony and crossed the desert. For the first time I walked inside "my" dormitory in the Academy and closed the door. I locked it as well before I sat on the hard bed. "They should have exiled you long ago," I whispered and closed my eyes when I felt them beginning to water. "I'm sorry," I said and opened them again, looking around the room as if I wasn't alone. "I know I promised you not to cry over a man again, Alek, but…I'm afraid I can't keep the promise now…"

...

_The ground was shaking violently. Faint explosions were ringing through the station, making me a little restless and calm at once. I knew I had little time, and yet the thought of dying didn't seem as terrifying as it should. I took a slow breath and then the lift started slowing down. The door opened and I entered the hangar. The ship was there. It wasn't large, nor was it quick, but it still had what it took to travel through hyperspace._

"_Hyperdrive," I heard myself whispering in a soft voice which was drowned out by the distant blasts, which were reminding about the omnipresent space battle. "A good shield will come in handy outside too."_

_There was little time. They were waiting for me, I had to act quickly. I broke into run._

_...  
><em>

The Academy was still asleep when I walked down the dim corridors. I met only the guards and each gave me a strange look. They all had heard about what I did to Lashowe. I wasn't paying attention to their cautious glances however. My mind was elsewhere…

The sun was slowly rising behind the horizon when I stepped in the Valley of the Dark Lords, colouring the cloudless sky to beautiful shades of orange and pink. In this light the sand seemed even darker than it was, reminding of blood even more. It was a romantic sight. The tombs carved in the rocks, the glittering sand all around, the pillars…if I didn't know – and feel – the true nature of this place, it would take my breath away.

Few students were already up and digging. Thought they stopped their activities to follow my motion with their eyes, whispering to each other. What about, I could only guess. About the final test? About Lashowe? Maybe both. And maybe something else completely.

I stopped in front of the tomb of Naga Sadow and looked at its gate. At the first sight it looked exactly like any other tomb in the Valley, but you could _feel_ it was somehow different. This was probably the only tomb without any Dark Lord's remains; Naga Shadow was buried on the moon Yavin 4. "So…the last piece of the star map," I whispered and let out a long breath. "And then the hell begins."

_Should I be afraid?_, I asked myself inwardly. I had the advantage of being familiar with the factory; I knew what kind of enemies to expect there, which routes would be the less guarded after sounding the alarm, provided Alek hadn't bothered with changing the emergency plans. Not to mention I would have the full support of the Republic forces. The space battle should make most of Alek's men very busy…

And as for Alek himself…I was sure I would find him in the observatory room, watching the battle around and maybe even waiting for me.

I shifted my weight, watching my feet. I was tracing meaningless patterns with my my left toe into the sand unknowingly. I wrinkled my forehead and destroyed the "paintings" immediately. And just as I lifted my head, I saw two persons coming down the steep slope into the Valley.

Uthar's face was expressionless, but Yuthura smiled at me brightly. "Good morning, Raven." After our little discussion about her life she no longer called me "my student".

"Good morning, Yuthura," I returned the gesture. "Master," I looked at Uthar as he passed me by. He unlocked the large gate and motioned me inside. Yuthura followed and Uthar was the last to come in. He let the door open for the light. The corridor was cold and the air was strangely humid.

"So…" Uthar cleared his throat. "Why we are here. Deep inside this tomb there's a device called a star map." I frowned. I didn't expect him to start this way. I thought he would make a speech about the honour of being the chosen one, about the Sith and the Force. "I want you to collect the information it bears into this datapad…" He motioned for Yuthura to come forward. She was holding an old datapad and gave it to me. "…and bring it back to me together with a Sith lightsaber you'll find in the same chamber."

I nodded. "Understood, Master Uthar," I said simply. The tomb was cold and I had thrown away my last warm clothes the previous day. Well, apart from the Jedi robes, but wearing such clothes here was unthinkable. Not to mention I never liked wearing the robes.

When I realized none of them had anything more to say I turned around, initiating my lightsabers. I made just a few steps when Uthar's voice stopped me again. "Isn't it strange?" he said silently. When I spun around again I narrowed my eyes as the light reflected from the sand outside was making me blind. Although I couldn't see his face, from his tone I could tell he was smiling. And for some reason it made my skin crawl.

"What's wrong, Master?" Yuthura asked. She made a step towards him, but Uthar made no move to look at her; his face was turned to me. "All these years," he started saying, slowly closing the distance between us, "I've been sending students into the depths of this tomb and you're the first one who hasn't asked me how exactly this star map looks like."

I bent my head slightly and a smile started slowly spreading across my face. "That only shows how incompetent students you've been sending inside, Uthar, when they had to ask."

"You might be right. I doubt I'd find anyone more competent than you. May the Force serve you well."

"It always does," I said and whirled around again, smirking and walking into the darkness.

He knew. And maybe he knew all along, and I was stupid to think otherwise. I chuckled silently and shook my head. _Oh, the galaxy hasn't seen bigger fool than me. I should have known. Uthar's not stupid._ With thoughts like that I kept advancing deeper into the tomb. It was quiet, dark, cold…but I was used to that by now. But the scent of water was new and I knew why. It was the only challenge in this tomb, the only test, apart from the dealing with numerous Korriban's monsters.

When I arrived at the first crossroad, I turn right and went on, eventually stopping in front of massive doors. I opened them and stepped inside the large chamber behind them. I looked across it at the large Terentatek guarding a lever.

When the creature noticed me, it roared loudly, showing all its claws and teeth for me to see. I didn't feel intimidated however when it started rushing to me, waving its huge paws in the air threateningly. I frowned and dropped into a fighting stance. My right hand was behind me, aiming the still deactivated lightsaber at the ground. My left hand was lifted to bring the other 'saber across my body for protection.

The Terentatek stopped at the sight of the bright blade in front of me. It roared again and pawed the ground.

I laughed. "You've probably seen your share of lightsabers in your life, haven't you, boy?" Only few meters were parting us now and I could see the deep scars and slashes all over his armoured skin.

Slowly I started to move sideways, trying to walk around the large animal, but it was moving with me, blocking the way. "You're not stupid, huh?"

It bellowed again as if in agreement.

"Come on, we don't have to hurt each other," I was trying to persuade it.

It didn't listen however. It crouched a little and then sprung forward. I jumped away at the last possible moment, activating the other blade and thrusting it to the animal's side as it stormed around me.

But it didn't slow the creature down. Somehow it immediately turned around and was running to me, its every step making a loud thump.

I turned around to get ready to it and froze. The Terentatek I'd hurt had fallen to the ground and was trying to get up. But this whole time there was another Terentatek, hiding behind me, now stomping towards me. It swung its large paw at me, hitting me with a great force and throwing me away. I landed on the ground painfully and went on tumbling. The ground was shaking as the Terentatek was making his way to me again.

"No!" I gasped when the wall finally stopped me and my hand flew in the air. Using the Force I pushed the creature back, gaining just enough time to stand up.

"The grenades…" I murmured and looked around. I spotted the lever and started running to it as fast as I could. The monsters' steps were ringing behind me and when I pulled the lever I jumped, turning a back-somersault in the air and landing just behind the beast. My sudden escape seemed to puzzle it, as it was standing still for a moment, tilting its head upwards, probably wondering where I had gone.

I made it to the door in the meantime and approached the pedestal. There were two grenades on it. One of them as white as a snow, cold to the touch. The other was red and orange and when I closed my palm around it, it was strangely warm.

At the time I stepped back in the room, the first Terentatek was still lying on the ground, whining silently and the other was nearby. It turned its ugly, hideous head to me when I pulled the pin of the fire grenade.

I tossed it and turned around, covering my ears and falling to the ground. I shut my eyes tightly, and yet I still could see the white light getting through my eye lids. Small pebbles and crushed stones fell on me as the explosion quaked the room. A stink of scorched flesh filled the air.

I kept lying motionlessly for a few seconds even after the hell was over. I lifted myself from the ground, turning around to see what happened behind me.

"Ew…" I made a face when I looked at what was left from the two mighty beasts. I wanted to get out of there, away from the terrible sight and smell which were making me heave, but I had to find my lightsabers first. They were lying near the two creatures and when I got closer to them the stench was almost too much for me.

"Okay…that was…awful…" I gasped when I finally allowed myself to breath again. I looked over my shoulder at the closed doors, but they already disappeared in the corridor's darkness. I'd run about hundred meters before I stopped to take a breath, and the smell was still there. Faint, but there.

Panting, I went on, holding tightly the other grenade in my hand. It was still cold, making my fingers chilly, but I ignored it.

Soon I arrived at the crossroad again and turned right. The corridor led me to another room, much smaller and with a pool of toxic water for floor. On the other side a huge stony stairway was climbing up from the pool, leading up to the star map.

I looked at the ice grenade for a second and then tossed it in the middle of the pool, just like Uthar had those years ago. It worked immediately. The air grew a way colder, making my breath steam in front of me. I watched the ice cover the water surface swiftly. I didn't step on it until it was completely frozen. I smiled and carefully crossed the ice and started climbing the stairs. I remembered the last time I was here I tried to count them, but there was so many of them that I gave up soon.

At the time I stepped inside the small, rounded room, I was breathing heavily and my legs were sore. "I hate stairs," I murmured while approaching the dark device in the middle of the room.

The star map. It recognized someone's presence and started opening its wings. Ignoring it, I walked around it and approached the statue behind it. It was showing a man on one knee. His head was down respectfully and both his arms were stretched out, giving me what he was holding. I took the lightsaber and looked at it. "Hm…nothing special," I shrugged and put it on my belt. Before I left the room I transferred the data from the star map to Uthar's datapad. Pocketing it I turned to the door knowing the worst part was still ahead of me.

I was surprised to find Uthar and Yuthura standing on the frozen water at the stair's foot. They were chatting as if nothing was wrong, but everything was wrong. Yuthura was expecting me to kill Uthar. And Uthar knew who I was and probably was expecting me to kill Yuthura for him. While all I wanted was get out of this forsaken planet finally!

Uthar paid me a meaningful look and Yuthura, blissfully unbeknown to the situation, smiled at me. "The Force serves you well," she said proudly, putting her hands behind her back.

"It…does," I replied eventually, not knowing anything better to say.

"You did well," the headmaster spoke up too. "As I knew you would, my lord."

_Here it goes…_I thought, my eyes flickering to Yuthura. She was confused, that much was clear. And her stance changed, it wasn't relaxed anymore. More like she was expecting something bad happen any minute, judging by the way her hand moved closer to her lightsaber. What an insight!

"Humour me, Uthar. You knew all the time, didn't you?"

He nodded. "Of course. I've never seen your face, but I've recognized you the moment you entered the Academy. To tell the truth, I was surprised," he stated. "I was expecting…"

"…someone else?" I finished. "Someone taller? More muscular? Maybe a man," I went on.

"I thought you died, Revan," he said.

"Revan…" Yuthura exhales slowly and looked at me with wide eyes.

Only now Uthar seemed to acknowledge her presence again. He glanced at her and raised his eyebrows a little. "Yes, Yuthura. This is Revan. We met several years ago when she came asking for the entrance to this very tomb. I just wonder. Why did you return for the star map when you already have it?" he asked.

"I seek vengeance," I said, frowning. "When someone betrays me, they deserve death. Just like Lashowe. You saw I didn't hesitate to kill her. But what's even worse than that," I took a pause, slowly closing the distance between me and him, "is when someone betrays a person I care about." Swiftly I reached to my belt and soon the crimson blade of the Sith lightsaber he had ordered me to bring was sticking out of his back. The old man gaped at me, clutching to my shoulder, trembling. "Did you know Dustil was my nephew?" I hissed. "Maybe you didn't. But you did know he loved Selene. And you had her killed. Just like that. Because she wasn't good enough for you." With a shove I sent him falling on the ice.

Slowly I turned my attention at Yuthura. Her eyes widened and she made a step back. Her hands flew in the air in front of her protectively. "No, wait!" she blurted out, watching the laser blade between us. "I yield, please. Don't kill me!"

My eyes narrowed. "A true Sith never begs for mercy."

"What else can I do?" she asked. "If you are indeed Darth Revan, I'm no match for you."

I looked at the lightsaber in my hand and deactivated it. I tossed it at Uthar's body. "You know, once I've begged for mercy too. Thought the Jedi never gave it to me. Lucky you I'm no Jed."

"You're not going to kill me?"

"And what would I accomplish by killing you?" I asked. "No, you don't belong here, Yuthura. You should leave. With me. I could take you to the colony without anyone in the Academy knowing you left. There is a secret underground passage the students in the cave showed me."

"The…students…" she repeated. "You…"

"…let them live," I nodded. "And it paid off as you can see," I smiled, but suddenly the smile froze on my lip as a shiver went down my spine. And I knew it had nothing to do with how cold the room was.

"What is it?" Yuthura asked, noticing the change in me.

"Disturbance in the Force. Something's off," I said silently. "We need to hurry."

* * *

><p>To be continued :) And now: author's rambling :) As usual, I want to warn you beforehand that the next chapters might take me a little longer. On Sunday I'm leaving the country for a month and right now I can't tell how much free time I'll have so...can't promise fast updates. But...if anyone knows some interesting locations that's worth visiting somewhere around Cork (Ireland), let me know :) (yes, that was oh-so-subtle way to brag about the fatastic journey I'm so excited about :) And who knows? Maybe my writing will get better too after the month, hopefully, sparing you all the ugly mistakes I make ;))<p>

Okay, where was I? Yes! Thank you for reading and for leaving all those nice reviews :) All your opinions keep me going on with this story, or rather they make me enjoy writing it even more. Thanks for your support everyone :) Have a nice weekend.


	31. Bane

Disclaimer: I don't own Kotor.

* * *

><p>I knew something was terribly wrong, but was hoping it wasn't anyhow related to the Ebon Hawk and her crew. All the way through the cave and the colony I wasn't thinking about anything else, but my friends.<p>

"No…" I whispered when we stepped in the hangar. The Twi'lek at the gate was lying dead on the floor, stabbed in the middle of his chest. He hadn't had drawn his blaster from its holster.

"No…please no…" I whimpered when I ran to the ship.

The blood was the first thing I saw when I entered. Just few splashes on the wall facing the ramp, but they only increased the dark foretelling in me. I stormed into the main hold. Canderous was sitting shirtless on the seat and Jolee was taking care of a wound on his chest. He was shot. Juhani was just emerging from the corridor leading to the sick bay, saying something about Bastila being stabilized. Then she noticed me and fell quiet.

I was only barely aware of the steps behind me as Yuthura followed me on board. "What did you say?" I asked Juhani, but without actually waiting for her reply I hurried to the infirmary and stopped dead in my tracks as soon as I reached the doorframe. Bastila was lying on the bed with her eyes closed, her face even paler than usually. "No…" I cracked and made a step inside, to her bed. There I allowed my knees to buckle. "This is my fault…" I whispered, looking at the stump she had for her right arm. She had been stabbed as well; beneath her tunic I spotted bandages wrapped tightly around her stomach.

"It's nothing serious. She's going to be alright. She'll just need a new hand," Juhani said awkwardly behind me. By the time I clenched my teeth tightly and fisted my hand.

"I should have killed him yesterday," I said quietly, looking at Bastila's ashen face.

"You had no way of…"

_ The Sith'ari will be free of limits._

"But I did!" I cut her off. Unable to look at her any longer, I turned my eyes away. I spotted her belt lying on the bedside table. "That's the worst part of it. I knew it. I had the feeling and I should have listened to it, but instead I did what Bastila and Jolee wanted me to do." I took a deep breath, rising to my feet again. I took the belt and turned around. Pushing Juhani aside, I left the room, trying to remove Bastila's shield from the belt.

"Revan, where are you…" Jolee started, but I silenced him with a glare. "The Academy. That's where he is."

"How can you…" Canderous started, but I didn't let him finish either. I shoved the belt into his hands, fastening the shield on mine. "I knew what he wanted, and because of that, he had to change his plans. He knew I wasn't going to deliver him the last star map, so he ventured to find it on his own." _Fucking bond!_ "This is Yuthura by the way," was the last thing I said, gesturing towards puzzled Twi'lek, before running down the ramp.

People in the colony were watching me with baffled expressions as I run past them. They didn't even know how lucky they were that they still could do it. Raenah probably used the cloaking device to pass through the Dreshdae unnoticed. Otherwise he would have likely killed everyone in his path.

By the time I reached the gates of the Academy, I was breathing heavily. Raenah left his signature lying in front of the gate. I simply stepped over the Sith's corpse and entered the facility. Sounds of battle and screams were welcoming me inside, following me as I made my way down the corridor, looking at the bodies along the way. The guards were the first to fall, teachers came next.

"Stop it!" I yelled on top of my lungs when I stepped inside the entrance hall. If the situation wasn't as it was, I wouldn't mind the scene in front of me. I never protested when Sith were killing each other, but now…it wasn't about the Sith and the Jedi anymore. Raenah didn't belong to either of the groups, and yet here he was, with Bastila's yellow lightsaber aimed at a young girl's throat. She was scared, terrified, whimpering that she didn't know. My arrival provided enough distraction for her to crawl away from Raenah when the Sith turned his head to me.

The room filled with his cold chuckle. "Don't tell me the brave Jedi came to save the day."

"She was right, you know," I stated, initiating both my lightsabers. "She doesn't know where the star map is. The only people in here who knew you've already killed." I quickly scanned our surroundings. All the doors leading to different parts of the Academy were closed for some reason, trapping all of us inside. I was wondering whether they were locked as well.

"Don't say," he smirked, narrowing his eyes. "I know of at least one person who's still breathing. And she thinks herself so bold to face me," he added.

"As far as I remember, your ass got kicked the last time we were standing against each other," I reminded him. I was hoping the students would stop standing there just like that and back a little to the wall, or at least grab the things hanging from their belts, but they were frozen. None of them moved and it seemed they even forgot how to breathe.

"I underestimated you the last time," he admitted, making a step to me. As a response I lifted my left hand, putting my lightsaber in a way.

"You made a mistake by hurting my friend, Raenah," I growled, eyeing him angrily.

"And you made a mistake by not killing me when you wanted," he retorted with a sneer.

I narrowed my eyes. "That can by rectified," I whispered and my eyes flickered to the students. They were standing all around the huge room, so there was no way to manoeuvre him anywhere where he wouldn't harm them.

He chuckled. "That must terrible. Knowing you can't save them all, huh?" he asked, aware of what I was thinking.

"If only one of them still lives when I'm done with you, I'll consider it a victory."

"But will they?" He asked and at the moment his face gone serious again. His next words came in his own, ancient language, too quick and quiet for me to understand. And then it all begun. In fast movement he sprung to the girl he'd wanted to kill when I entered, and soon her head was rolling on the floor. His sword cut through the air in elegant arch, but just before it managed to sink deep into the flesh of another student, it landed on my lightsaber. Raenah blinked, taken aback by how quickly I got to him. But my other blade didn't give him enough time to actually think about it. He dodged it and jumped back a little, deflecting another of my attempts to get through his defences.

He was backing away from me now, trying to get out of my reach for a second. Seeing I won't allow him such luxury he lifted his hand and used the Force to throw me across the room.

A shriek filled the room when I landed safely on my feet and saw Raenah attacking another student. He was trying to fight back, but the Sith was much stronger. I rose to my feet quickly, throwing my lightsaber at the Sith to distract him. He reacted immediately, knocking the student off his feet and turning to the lightsaber. He raised his hand and deflected the flying weapon.

The student was still lying on the floor, with eyes opened wide, unable to reach for his own weapon.

"No!" I heard myself scream when another life was extinguished.

Raenah brought the yellow blade in front of his body just in case I'd suddenly leap on him, but I stopped two meters from him. He lifted his eyebrows. "Tired, my dear? Why, you're so pale, are you alright?"

"Don't bother," I spat, tightening my grip on my lightsabers when we slowly started circling around each other. "I know what you're trying to do."

He narrowed his eyes, crouching a little bit, making me believe he was about to launch at me again, but instead, he started laughing. "That must be a horrific responsibility. Fighting not only for yourself, but for those dimwits as well."

"It's called motivation," I corrected him.

"No, it's called a weakness. Do you know the best way to kill a Jedi?"

The students were watching us, probably knowing they can't do much at the moment, but at least they were smart enough draw their weapons now. Tens of lightsabers suddenly flooded the room with their eerie red light. The sounds blended into one long sigh that sent shivers down my spine. It reminded me of the vision back in the cave. The memory wasn't a pleasant one, but at least the students probably had no desire to kill me, as I was the only one standing between them and death.

_"Death…death…death…death…"_ The word was still echoing through my mind as if the Jedi were whispering and screaming it right now at the very moment.

_ "You are no longer a member of the Jedi Order, Revan."_

Suddenly a voice broke the silence and it took me a while to realize it was me speaking: "Kill their Padawan. Someone they share a bond with. Throw them off balance, weaken them and then finish them off."

He laughed darkly at my response, narrowing the circles we were making. "So our little Jedi isn't as saint as she claims."

"I've never claimed to be a Jedi."

_The Sith'ari will lead the Sith…_

"But you're no Sith either if you want to put an end to their existence."

_…and destroy them._

I smiled slowly.

I had been tired and depressed and wanted nothing more than to leave, to run and flee and leave all the responsibility on someone else. And maybe I would have done it if I hadn't decided to search the Sith archives. It made me think a lot about everything.

There were just three lines. And the first two seemed to describe my life so far in great details. And the last still remained unfulfilled.

_"It's not about me…_" _I whispered quietly, putting the Sith holocron back to its place. I let my fingers slide down the smooth material slowly, before my hand fell to my side. Bane…my legacy._

"Bane…" I said silently, my smile spreading across my face.

_The Sith'ari will raise the Sith from death and make them stronger than before._

"It is," Raenah agreed. But this time he had no idea what the word was supposed to mean.

_"Bane…" I said silently, but in the large, empty room it carried on, each time louder than before. "Bane, Bane, Bane" the room was repeating. It was all I could think about when I turned around and left the archives. Bane was walking with me all the way to the bedroom. He was there with me when I closed my eyes. His face, tattooed, wrinkled, dark-skinned with hawk-like eyes shining brighter than stars, was floating in front of me, watching me finally falling into a restless sleep._

"You know nothing, Raenah," I informed him, smiling. And with that I sprung forward. Raenah perfectly anticipated the blow aimed at his midriff and deflected it, going on the offensive. It was my turn to mind the lunges, notice all the movements hinting what his next step might be, and use it against him.

In the dark room we became just a blur of motions and lights, spinning around each other. There was no other break, no time to catch the breath. Raenah didn't make any attempt to attack the students. He was focusing all his attention at me. He was good, better than he'd been the last time, nevertheless he had hard time fighting both of my blades. Where he was stronger, I was quicker. Where he was brutal, I was nimble. It was like fighting Malak, but with one significant difference: Raenah was becoming angrier with each thrust I managed to dodge or parry. And that was his weakness.

Using it against him, I stopped attacking him altogether and was using only defensive techniques. He was angry; his face turned into a sheer mask of fury and the fact I was still calm was driving him even wilder.

My hands were soon sore and my arms ached from all the force he'd been hitting my lightsaber with. I knew I wouldn't be able to keep going for much longer. I needed to throw him off guard, to surprise him, but it seemed he could foretell my every move, just like I knew what he was going to do. It had been a mistake to practise melee fighting with him back in the Unknown regions.

And the idea hit me.

_Few seconds. I'll have just few seconds,_ I thought, before went through with it. I dodged the blow aimed at my upper body and then I deactivated left blade. In swift motion I patted the device on my belt. I lifted my eyes just in time to see the yellow blade come down on me. I bent my knees slightly to get more stability when the blade sliced across my body.

The whole room seemed to bate its breath.

Raenah's eyes widened when the lightsaber in his hands didn't come through my torso as he expected it to, but was deflected by the shield protecting me. He opened his mouth to shout something, but only a ragged breath came out, when I thrust my own lightsaber through his stomach up to the hilt.

"Surprise. The newest version of Akranian shield. Belonged to Karath. Say hi to him for me when you see him there," I whispered into his ear.

But suddenly the feeling of victory was gone. He touched me on my shoulder and the purple glare enveloped us both, making my knees buckle. And I was falling. It felt like an eternity, before I hit something cold and hard. My eyes were shut tight and even through the closed lids the bright blue light was blinding me. Loud explosion shook the place and then everything felt quiet, except for my heavy breathing.

"What did just happen?" I heard someone whisper.

"I…don't know."

"Is she dead?"

"She's breathing."

I felt something hot on my face and recognized the iron flavour on my tongue. I rolled over and propped myself up on the elbows. I watched the dark blood drop from my lips for a moment, before I tried to stand up, ignoring the sharp pain in my stomach.

I felt several hands on my arms, helping me up and steadying me.

"Are you alright?" one of the students asked me.

I nodded. "Force drain," I said. "I should have seen it coming." I looked around. The large gate leading to the exit from the Academy was lying in ruins. "Coward…" I muttered under my breath.

"You're a Jedi."

I shook my head. "Nope, kid. Don't belong to either side of the Force now. You let him escape?" I asked quietly, still feeling weak.

"He…disappeared. He had stealth shield generator."

I chuckled. "Yeah…he had. Damn…I should have taken it from him together with his lightsaber… I'm alright, you can let go of me," I assured them. I reached out with the Force to pull at first mine and then Bastila's lightsaber and put them all to my belt.

"Why is he heading to the Valley?"

I shrugged. "No idea," I lied. When he used the Force to drain the life force from me to heal the wound, I could feel him in my mind, searching for the answer he craved. "Why were the door closed?"

"He sealed them. With the Force. What are we going to do now? All the teachers are dead!"

I snorted. "Go home," I said curtly and turned around, heading to the door to the colony. _This gate was opened all the time,_ I realized now. Of course, he couldn't lock the door before I'd come. He needed me here.

"Wait, you're…you're going to leave?"

I nodded. "I haven't come to save you. I wanted to kill that bastard. Now when he's gone, there's nothing for me in here. I'm leaving and, as I said, so should you."

"But…"

"Come on!" I didn't let the student finish. "Look around. This is the end of the Academy. Teachers are dead, so are the headmaster and his apprentice. There's no one to rule here." I paused for a moment, considering. "Come to think of it…you can always stay here and fight for power. The choice is yours. I don't care," I shrugged and whirled around, limping tiredly towards the door, happy to finally leave this place.

...

I was still unsure. I was leaning against the holopanel, my fingers drumming on it nervously. There was little time though. I bent my head to look at my body. I was wearing simple clothes, skin-tight trousers and sleeveless shirt with fingerless gloves. My lightsabers were on my belt and so was the shield that had saved me just few hours ago. I frowned. I still felt incredibly guilty over what happned to Bastila, moreover she hadn't woken up yet.

"And you'll feel just as guilty if you don't tell her yourself. Come on, she deserves it…" I whispered quietly.

I lifted my eyes and focused my attention on the small planet the holopanel was projecting in the air. It had been just few minutes when I informed the crew about the field around the Star Forge. I wanted them to expect us to crash. They weren't as bothered by the fact as I thought they'd be.

_"Well…you've already survived the crash once, so it can't be that bad," Mission said, shrugging, when I presented them the information._

_ I shook my head. "It's not. We were lucky to land in a bay. The sand helped a lot."_

_ "You could navigate the ship to land there, if you know where to find the bay again," Juhani mused silently, watching the planet floating above the holopanel. _

I frowned at Lehon, sick of the hologram's eerie blue light. I knew I had just a few minutes before my friends would start coming from their quarters, ready for whatever might await us on both Lehon and the Star Forge.

_You know you might not survive this. If not for explanation, use it as a goodbye,_ I kept telling myself, finally turning on the recording. I took a slow breath. "Hi…Jasmine. That's…that's me." My voice was quiet and weak. I would be lying to claim I wasn't afraid. "I wanted…well, at first I didn't want to answer your message. But we were friends and you were always so kind to me and I feel I should tell you the truth myself. Not to mention I've promised to tell you. Do you remember how surprised you were when I told you about my Jedi training three months ago? It was weird to accept someone as old as I was into the training. But…it wasn't accepting, not really…more like…re-accepting. I was a Jedi before the accident, which by the way had nothing to do with any airspeeder." Even thought I couldn't actually see her huge, dark eyes looking at me, I turned my head away just in a mere image of them. "It will seem unbelievable, but I used to…I mean I was…" _Come on!_ "I am Revan." Slowly I lifted my eyes again. "I am Revan," I repeated, louder this time. "There was this small team of Jedi on my ship, who were to capture me, but ended up saving me after Malak fired at my ship. They brought me to the Council and the Masters tried to question me…or rather to pry their answers right from my mind, but it was too strong and the Council's actions damaged it and sent me into deep coma, as you can remember. And that's why I was amnesiac." I took a short pause. "Heh, and you know the best part of it? In fear that I'd fall to the dark side again if I knew the truth, they tried to reprogram me with a new identity. Using fragments of my true life they made Revan and then the charade was…"

Feeling the slight tug when the ship left the hyperspace was like a rescue.

"I have to go. I…I wanted you to know from me, not from the media. And…please forgive me. For everything. I know you had friends on Telos. I…I…" I had no idea to say anymore. Then I heard Canderous from the cockpit, calling my name. "Farewell, Jasmine. And thank you for everything. I'm coming, Canderous!" I shouted while pressing the button to stop recording. I quickly sent the message before I could change my mind, with Mission's words echoing through my mind: _"T__he Republic's fleet's mobilizing in its full force."_

I smiled, turning to the cockpit. Jasmine was a psychologist, but knew something about mending wounds as well. _Maybe she is on some of the cruisers waiting for my message right now, wondering what this fuss is all about,_ I thought, entering the cockpit.

"Finally. Move your skinny ass over there and take over, we should be there any second," Canderous greeted me, urging me to the pilot's seat in his own sweet way. "Why so grim? Worried?"

I shook my head. "Just reminiscing. Tell the crew to get to the main hold to strap themselves in the seats for safety." As Canderous carried out my order I frowned at the green and blue planet in front of us. I started scanning it, looking for the source of the field. It quickly founded the Temple of the Ancient and I smiled. It was on the hemisphere which was facing us at the moment. _Good, less work for me._

"So…do you think our little friend is waiting for us down there?" Canderous asked.

"Probably not. We left the planet before he did. After all, he had to find the last star map and get himself a ship…seat belt, Canderous," I reminded him.

"Does he know about the field?"

I shrugged. "Hopefully not. That would give us hell of an advantage."

"What do you mean?"

I grinned. "Well…he wouldn't know what to do. I on the other hand know perfectly well where to go once we're down. Disconnecting the hyperdrive," I informed him. I was hoping that action would prevent if from getting broken like the last time. Canderous followed my example and started switching off all the unnecessary systems. I raised my eyebrows at him when the lights went off and were replaced by the emergency ones. "Please, leave the life support be."

He chuckled. "That's just for the atmosphere, Revan. And it will hide all the blood once you hit the console after the landing." When I sent him a questioning look, he smirked and pointed at my seat. "You ensured the whole crew would be safe, but forgot about yourself."

"Huh?...ah…you're right," I mumbled and hurried to fasten my belt as well. And just in time.

The Ebon Hawk started shaking violently. It was difficult to pilot the spit, almost as if someone else was holding the control, guiding the ship to the opposite direction than I wanted her to go.

Canderous frowned and looked in front of him. "Will you get it down?"

I nodded, clenching my teeth. I was fighting the control, trying to keep the ship in the right angle as we started to descent into the atmosphere. I could hear distant voices from the main hold as the crew was chatting there, but couldn't make out what they were saying.

"Right engine's gone," Canderous informed me.

"I know…" I growled, frowning. Orange and red shades surrounded the Ebon Hawk as she made her way further and further down, shaking and trying to get out of the control. "Come on, girl, just a few more seconds…"

Although she was struggling, I managed to keep her steady. Soon we were past the upper layers of the atmosphere and everything was easy again. Even with only one engine I brought the girl over the bay nearby the Temple and managed to land with her…more or less.

My teeth painfully clenched together when the ship made her involuntary halt. The belts sunk into my skin and I was sure it would leave bruises on my shoulders and upper body. I I let out a long breath and turned my head slowly to Canderous. He was okay and already trying to get himself off the seat. Our eyes met and I nodded, leaning back and moaning. I brought a hand up to massage my shoulder.

"Come on, miss softie, we have work to do. Anybody hurt?" he shouted for the others.

"That was fun!" I heard Mission's voice. "As if you two were drinking all night!"

"Maybe we should have," I muttered, unfastening my belt. "Let's go," I said quietly and headed to the main hold with Canderous at my heels.

"Okay guys," I started as soon as I was inside. "If it was a walk through the park this whole time, it stops here," I took a pause, looking over their faces. There seemed to be more of them missing than just Bastila and Carth and I suddenly wished Yuthura had stayed with us. But I couldn't force to join our suicide mission and so our ways parted. She wanted to redeem herself so heading to the High Council was understandable and the most obvious choice.

"Mission…"I turned to the Twi'lek. "You won't like it, but I want you to stay here with T3 and Juhani and run a diagnostic to find out what exactly is wrong with our ship and fix it. If you need some spare parts try to search the wreckages around. Juhani, you'll coming with her. This place is dangerous. And while they're out," I went on, turning to the little droid, "I want you to be with Bastila. In case she'd wake up finally. Is it clear?"

"Yeah," Mission said quietly, but didn't seem disappointed that she wasn't coming with us. Juhani nodded and T3 chimed excitedly. That made me smile.

"Zaalbar, you'll stay outside the ship and guard it with HK."

The rusty droid appeared highly dissatisfied with my order. His head moved rapidly from one side to the other. "Statement: I would be much more useful with you, Master."

"You would…" I admitted, "but I need to talk to the Elders and I doubt seeing a crazy homicide droid would help me."

/Elders? Who are they?/ Zaalbar asked.

"The only ones who can now help us to shut down the field that brought us down. I'll explain later. Let's go."

I was the first one to leave the ship. My shoes sunk into the wet sand, but I cared little about it. The sun from the nearby star felt hot on my skin, but the soft breeze coming from the ocean was making it bearable.

I made few steps forward, shielding my eyes from the light reflected by the snow white sand. Somehow, despite everything that had happened and was still going to happen, it felt good to be here again. Lehon was a paradise.

"Nice place," Jolee commented behind me as the rest of my friends followed me out of the ship.

I nodded, smiling, looking around the beach. The water was so blue-green and pure, making the air smell of salt, and it was begging me to forget all my troubles and take a swim. I had no doubts that it would be pleasantly warm as well. Lifting my eyes from the glittering surface I looked at all the ships crashed on the planet. They seemed to be part of its landscape now rather than pieces of artificial space shuttles. "I wish we could stand here all day, but we've got a lot of work," I said, turning my back to the beauty… "Great…" I murmured.

The others spun around as well and froze. /Are they the Elders you were talking about?/ Zaalbar asked, but somehow I knew he already knew the answers.

I frowned and watched the One's minions getting closer with their weapons ready.

"They look like the hologram on Kashyyyk," Canderous observed and frowned when more of them appeared, holding long leashes with rancors at the end.

"T3, Zaalbar, wait here. Canderous, Jolee, follow me," I told my friends. "Maybe we can still talk our way out of this," I mused and went to meet the Rakata soldiers.

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><p>End of chapter, next coming in…no idea :D Thank you for reading this one though and thank you so much for your awesome reviews<p>

The Happy Mask Salesman – I just wanted to thank you for faving and subscribing to my story, but your PM isn't enabled, otherwise I'd write sooner.


	32. Weakness

Dislcaimer: I don't own Kotor, Bioware does.

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><p>"So I take it we couldn't talk our way out of it?" Canderous asked, smirking mischievously, when I motioned them to follow me. The Rakata warriors formed a circle around us, keeping a wary eye on us, but they at least allowed us to keep our weapons. It was a good omen. If they had come to take us captive, they would have confiscated them.<p>

I shook my head. I knew none of my friends had understood the discussion between me and the Rakata. I was speaking their language, since the only Rakata who actually understood basic was The One. "They weren't sent to negotiate with us," I explained. "Their orders were to bring us to their village."

Jolee frowned a little, lifting up his hand to touch his chin in thoughtful gesture. "Are we their prisoners?" he asked. "Because so far they haven't shown any signs of hostility."

"We're not," I nodded and grimaced. "Which is weird considering my last…eh…visit."

"Spit it out," Canderous chuckled, while checking out the warrior beside him. "You got yourself into another problem?"

"Not really, no…" I started saying. I bit my lip. "Yes. I've broken a promise I'd made to The One. Eh…that's the chieftain of this tribe," I added, after they both sent me a questioning look.

"Should we except troubles, then?" Jolee asked, eyeing our escort.

I shrugged. "He hasn't ordered his men to disarm us. That has to mean something."

"Ask them," Canderous suggested.

I gave a chuckle. "I have already, back on the beach. There's no point in trying again. They won't tell me a thing."

"Then we'll have to wait for our answer," Jolee ended our discussion.

I smiled slightly, looking around. I recognized the way they were leading us, even thought it had been just once that I was walking down the narrow trodden path. The warriors had broken their circle and split up, so that half of them were walking in front of us, the rest behind us.

"The steaks are everywhere…" I heard Canderous mutter when a lone gizka appeared in our way. It hopped away when we got closer and croaked at us.

I blinked and turned to Jolee. "Did he really say steak?"

He nodded. I made a disgusting sound, which made Canderous to look at me over his shoulder. "What? Haven't you ever tasted a gizka steak? It's a delicacy."

I shook my head. "I'd never. I used to have a gizka plushie when I was a girl and called it Skinny. We had a very close relationship."

He laughed silently. "You're such a softie."

"Careful there, I used to be a Sith lord," I growled, but that only made him laugh more.

I heard Jolee sniggering behind me too. I simply had to smile as well. "You're both impossible!"

_That place doesn't change,_ I thought when we finally emerged from the jungle, stepping on the beach. On its opposite side was the feeble fortification of the camp made mostly of canvas. Rakata warriors were marching to and fro in front of it, guarding it. Others were out there training in melee combat or learning how to command young Rancors.

I watched a group of four Rakata. One of them was trying to calm the Rancor down, but failing miserably. The group of three had to use electrosraff to make it obey. I frowned. The Rancor flinched after the first shock, backing away and covering its large and ugly head instinctively. Yet they poked it again and again. My scowl deepened. The snivelling sound the large beast was making reminded me of the Big Boy back on Korriban. I turned my head away, trying to ignore the young animal's helpless wailing.

The sound fell quiet after a while and I dared look at the creature again. It seemed the tamers stopped caring about the animal - they were looking at us, whispering something to each other. When I looked around, I noticed all the attention of almost every Rakata was on us. I guessed wemade quite an attraction.

And Canderous had the same opinion. "Why are they looking at us this way? They are the weird ones."

"They've never seen a human before," I reminded him silently.

He snorted. "And imagine how they would gape at…Bith, for example."

Jolee smiled. "The same way everyone does when they first see anyone of the race."

"Hey….stop it, you two. They're great musicians," I tried to defend them.

"You have no taste," Canderous replied. "Wait…I forgot. You got off with Carth."

"Oh…you're so going to get it one day, Mandalorian," was my reply and it made the Mandalorian chuckle. I shook my head.

Our escort considerably reduced its number in front of the camp. Most of the warriors stayed outside, leaving only handful to "accompany" us inside. They led us through the village to the large arena with four massive gates. Just as I remembered from my last time here, all of them were closed and only the nervous puffing and silent roaring was letting away what exactly the Rakata were keeping behind them.

The warriors stopped us in the centre of the arena, putting a spear in front of us, while one of them ventured forward and bowed in front of another Rakata.

"The leader?" Jolee guessed.

I nodded. "Yep. Quite a conqueror, this one. Has a huge ego, too. But don't worry, I'll handle him."

"One way or another," Canderous presumed.

I chuckled. "One way or another," I echoed and quickly wiped that smile off my face when The One laid his eyes on me. I was wondering what he was thinking at the moment. But as he slowly made his way across the arena to me, I decided that I didn't really want to know.

/Revan…/ was the first thing he said.

"The One," I greeted him in the same manner. Thought I doubted he meant it as a welcome.

/I should have you thrown to my pets,/ he went on, confirming my feeling.

"So I assume there must a reason why I am actually given the chance to still speak to you," I smiled at him.

There was a longer pause, before he spoke up. /You look different,/ he stated, leaning a little big closer. /Your eyes are different./

"My…eyes…"

_"I…need to…ask something. How did she look like?"_

_ "Adrianne? She was…short. She looked a lot like you, come to think of it. Black hair and blue eyes, though not as dark as you have."_

When I was about to answer him that the dark side had taken its toll on me, he shouldered me away from his path when he went to look at my friends. /I don't recognize any of your companions. Their predecessor was higher and had blue head./

"Tattooed," I corrected him. "And you're right. Last time I was here with my apprentice. He's…dead."

The One slowly turned to me again. Somehow he seemed angered by that. /Do you think me a fool, Revan?/ he asked, walking away from Canderous and Jolee. /I know your friend is still alive and somewhere on the planet. Probably waiting to ambush me when I least expect it./

"Eh…what?" _Impossible. He's up on the Star Forge!_

/Stop lying. Just a moment before my warriors brought you here my scouts reported about the second shuttle landing on the planet. Did you think you could baffle me that easily? With you, I was willing to talk, but I've sent my best warriors to find your friend and kill him,/ he said harshly, anger dripping from his voice.

"What's wrong?" Jolee behind me whispered. He had to notice my hesitation.

I shook my head. "Alek is dead," I said firmly, standing my ground. "Whoever it was who landed…wait…_landed?_ Not crashed? Oh no…" I took a pause to take a slow breath. I closed my eyes for a moment and pressed my fingers into them. When I looked at The One again, I was frowning deeply. "I hope the warriors you've sent are as skilled as your scouts are quick. Otherwise they're as good as dead."

The One took his time before he answered me. He was probably evaluating what exactly I'd meant by it; whether it was a threat or something else. /Why?/ he asked eventually. /Who did you bring with yourself?/

"I didn't bring anyone. He followed us in his search for the Star Forge. And he's not someone you'd want to anger. He's remarkable fighter with incredibly strong command of the Force. He's not going to bow before you," I warned him.

"Is she talking about that Sith?" I heard Canderous whisper.

"Evidently," Jolee answered just as quietly.

/I have many warriors, Revan. They've managed to capture you. He won't be any problem for them./

"I came willingly," I informed him, crossing my hands in front of me. "And no matter how many of your people you send against him, they have no chance. But I've already defeated him twice. If you let us go, I can do it again and save you the trouble. Think about it," I added quickly, when he narrowed his eyes at me. "Do you know why I betrayed you? Because the Elders offered me an easier way to achieve my goal. And that's what I'm doing right now. You can sacrifice hundreds of your own people, or you can allow me to finally end the life of this miserable existence."

He fell quiet for a while, apparently thinking about my offer. /Very well,/ he said finally. /But go alone. Leave your friends here and after you're done, return. And we can talk again about what I want from you./

Now it was my turn to narrow my eyes. "No way. They're coming with me. I need them to support me in the fight."

/You've already defeated him twice…/ he reminded me, using my own words.

"I haven't said anything about doing it on my own," I lied a little bit. He would never know the difference, anyway.

/No, Revan. When you were last here, you taught me an important lesson. Never trust humans. Your friends remain here and I promise to keep them safe, until you return./

I looked away from him for a moment, thinking. This was an impasse. He would never let us leave together, and I would never abandon my friends…no matter the reason. "Alright," I said slowly. "I agree, it's only fair," I uttered and The One gave me a suspicious look. "What? That's you wanted, isn't it? Just…let me talk to them, explain. They don't understand your language and I don't want them to cause troubles."

/Make it quick,/ he said and turned away from me to talk to a warrior next to him. I turned around and closed the distance between me and my friends. "Okay, guys, I want you to put on your best poker face," I started whispering, after I made sure The One couldn't hear me. "Don't move your heads, just your eyes, can you see all the Rakata here?"

"Quite a lot of them," Canderous said.

"Thirty maybe," Jolee narrowed the number.

"Can we take them down?"

Canderous raised his eyebrows. "Have you counted it the extra four Rancors?" he asked.

I bit my lip. "I haven't, but if we're lucky, we won't have to fight them. Canderous, can you see the two Rakata on your right standing on each side of a lever?"

Canderous' eyes wandered to the side for a moment, focusing on the couple. "Hmm," he hummed.

"Shoot them. Kill them, before they let the beasts out. Neither Jolee nor I could get to them that fast. Can you do it?"

"What is it? You doubt me?"

I smiled contently. "Great. Okay, that's…it. Get ready and wait for my signal."

"What's it going to be?" Canderous asked.

I bit my lip. "Hmmm…me attacking The One?"

Both of my friends nodded. I smiled at them once more, patted their shoulders and whirled around again. I walked slowly towards The One, looking around. Nobody seemed to be watching us and that was good; for some reason they weren't considering us a threat. The attack would catch them off guards.

"So…" I started saying when I finally approached The One. "That's settled. I've made sure they wouldn't make any problems to you or your people. But…they are my friends and I, too, would like to have some guarantee that they won't be harmed."

/You have my word, Revan. As long as you keep yours./

I nodded, narrowing my eyes. "I see. However, I have much better idea."

The red blade cut swiftly through the air, separating The One's head from his body and continuing to behead the Rakata warrior who he'd been talking to. Behind me I could hear Canderous' repeater barking loudly, but I didn't bother looking back at him. I had handful of the Rakata who were running to me, eager to sacrifice their lives for their fallen leader.

But I ran to the opposite direction, to the lever. I jumped over the two bodies Canderous had taken down and aimed my lightsaber at the bottom part of the device. So that no one could ever move it and open the large gates.

I heard screams behind me as the soldiers were passing their orders, splitting their numbers to attack all three of us simultaneously. I shot a quick glance towards Canderous. He was backing to the wall, trying to quickly get out of the reach of their weapons. He was lucky Rakata wore no armour so it was easy to kill them, but in no time they would have him hopelessly outnumbered.

Jolee couldn't reach him in time. He had his own troubles.

Using the Force I jumped across the arena right in front of Canderous. With fisted hand I hit the ground, sending a wave of the Force to knock down everyone around me. In a quick motion I turned around and helped Canderous on his feet, before the Rakata could stand up too.

"Don't hit me," I warned him, before rushing to the battle again. Rakata proved to be remarkably skilled warriors, but despite their training they still weren't any match for me. My lightsabers were slicing through them with an almost unexpected ease. Some of the soldiers wanted to ran from the arena to warn the rest, but a simple flicker of my hand and a Force barrier in their way was enough to stop them.

Soon the arena was flooded in blood, which was driving the Rancors incredibly wild. They were roaring and pawing the ground, trying to break through the massive gates, hitting it with a great force like a battering ram. I eyed the large gates nervously.

"You okay?" Jolee asked, laying his hand on my shoulder to draw my attention at him. I nodded.

"How long will the gates hold?" Canderous wondered. The barrel of his repeater was too hot after all the shooting, that he simply lowered the weapon instead of resting it against his shoulder as he usually did.

"No idea. But I don't want to be here when the beasts break out. Let's get out of here," I commanded and headed through the arena to the exit. Just as we stepped out we were ambushed by another group of Rakata. They had been waiting there, trying to catch us unprepared, but as a Jedi I had much faster reflexes than them. When I moved my lightsaber against the blade that was supposed to cut into my side I used more force than the Rakata anticipated. I deflected his weapon away and stabbed him in the stomach. Other Rakata attacked me from behind. I brought my left blade to cove the blow as I whirled around, severing the warrior's sword arm from his body.

I heard Canderous had started shooting again and according to the smudge of light at the edge of my vision Jolee was fighting as well.

There weren't as many of them as in the arena. Soon the battle was over.

"Are we going to kill off the whole village?" Canderous simply asked, when I let both my hands fall to my hips.

I frowned at the fresh corpses around me. This felt…wrong

Then I heard a soft moan behind me. The Rakata whose hand I'd cut off was still alive. His chest was bloody as he'd probably caught one of the Canderous' bolts, but it wasn't enough to kill him.

I approached him and aimed a lightsaber at his throat, ready to end his suffering, but something stopped me. His eyes.

It could be a second, or two or five minutes. I couldn't tell. He was looking at me with silent questions as if he couldn't understand. His eyes were wide with terror and his breath was coming in ragged gasps. Then he started coughing, spitting blood.

"This one is smaller," Canderous reflected after he joined my side.

"It's a kid," I said, looking in those wide, scared eyes. I knelt down to him and put my hand behind his head. /I'm sorry…/ I whispered in his language. Then I closed my eyes and turned my head away, forcing my hand to put the adolescent out of his misery. I clenched my teeth when he let out his last, silent sigh when the blade cut through his heart.

"Lass…" Jolee said silently, sounding worried.

I shook my head, standing up. "Let's get out of…" The rest of my sentence was drown in a loud crack coming from the arena. It was followed by frenzy screeching and stumping that made the ground shake under our feet.

We all exchanged quick glances before we started running forward, as far from the freed Rancors as possible. I was leading, eliminating all the Rakata warriors that dared to try to stop us. Somehow every kill was now more than just making a way out of here. It felt like taking revenge for making their youths play warriors, worse off, for making them face enemies like us.

Canderous was behind me, finishing off anyone who'd survive my rage. Jolee was at the rear of our breakneck run, guarding our backs if anyone wanted to surprise us from behind.

The gate leading out of the village was closed. We opened it and froze. Dozens of warriors turned their heads to us when we emerged from inside.

"Plan B?" Canderous asked, just as the leaders started shouting their commands to kill us.

"Adults rancors at our six, young ones in front of us. Your choice," was all I said. I wanted to add: I'm coming through their lines no matter what!, but didn't have the time. I dodged he first blow at me, parried another jagged sword and jumped over and axe aimed at my knees. Another Rakata was raising his hand to strike, but Canderous shot him dead before he had a chance to bring it down at me.

The screams behind us were getting louder and soon I could hear the walls and gate collapsing, making a way to the large beasts. That made Rakata stop caring about us and focus their attention at the Rancors. Their orders turned into frantic yelling, their actions into chaos as they tried to fight off their own "pets" that'd gotten out of their hand.

We were running. My feet were sinking into the wet sand, making it much more difficult, but the sounds of battle, the screams and screeching, it was all getting quieter and quieter. Soon we were rushing through the jungle again. The large grass was cutting me in the face as I made my way through it, ignoring the path we'd came here. I heard my friends were still behind me. Finally, when I was sure no one was following us, I slowed down, breathing heavily. I smiled and bent over, resting my palms on my knees to catch my breath. I looked at my friends. "Okay you two?" I gasped out. They both nodded. "Good."

I straightened again and went on. Jolee and Canderous seemed to trust me I'd lead them out of the jungle, because they didn't ask anything about our direction. Soon the grass started to be shorter and trees not so close to each other. I looked over their tops and finally spotted the white tower of the Temple.

"I guess that's where we're going," Jolee commented when he noticed how I suddenly changed direction.

I nodded. "From there we can shut down the field around the Star Forge. But to get there we need to persuade the Elders to help us. And that won't be easy."

"Why can't we simply enter? "Canderous asked.

"There's a field in the way. I remember I found a way how to lower it using the Force, but…I can't remember what to do exactly…so we need the Elders," I shrugged.

"And what about the Sith?" Jolee reminded me.

I frowned. "He's going to be somewhere around. We just have to follow the blood I guess," I added grimly.

It didn't take us long to reach the large grassy plain in front of the Temple.

"Is it just me?" Canderous asked, bringing his hand up to shield his eyes from the blazing sun. "Or does it really look like the star maps?" he spoke up when we got a little closer.

I wasn't listening to him. My attention was drawn by something in the upper levels. On the top of the Temple I could see a person looking back at us. As if in a dream I unknowingly made few steps to the Temple, like it could help me to distinguish the person in more details.

"It does. Maybe it was the purpose."

It had to be a woman. She had shoulder-length hair, as dark as a night, which was streaming in the soft breeze.

"I see. It's stupid."

I couldn't see her clearly, but something in me was telling me she was smiling at me. And then another person appeared behind her.

"That's not stupid. Maybe this shape is somehow important to them. Maybe it represents some aspect of their culture."

The air caught in my throat when the second person lifted the woman up and threw her over the battlements.

"NO!" I yelled, but suddenly she was gone before she could hit the ground.

Jolee and Canderous were at my side in a heartbeat. "What is it?" Jolee asked.

I swallowed heavily; my eyes were still on the – now empty – top of the Temple. "I just…thought I saw something. Just…let's go, it's still quite a distance to the Elder's village," I said firmly and tore my eyes away from the white edifice.

...

"So she's functional again?" I asked, speaking into my comlink.

_"Yep. Just need to run a few tests, but the spare parts we found in the wreckages seem to work just fine."_ In the background I could hear a soft chiming of our little mechanic. _"T3 agrees with me,"_ Mission added merrily.

I smiled. "Fine. At least something's going smoothly. Have you contacted the fleet? If not, do so. It's going to take them awhile to get here."

_"Oh…the message. Yeah…I'll send it. How about you? Have you turned off the field yet?"_

"No. But it shouldn't take long," I said hesitantly, turning around. The Rakata were kneeling in the grass, had their eyes closed and arms up in the air. If I remembered the ritual correctly, it should end soon "Fifteen minutes or so," I shrugged.

_"Quarter an hour? I don't think we'll be that quick. But hey! Do you want us to pick you up at the Temple? So you wouldn't have to go all the way back? You could wait there for us."_

"That would be great. I'll send you our…"

_"That won't be necessary. The Temple is visible even from here. We'll find you, don't worry."_

"Land on the roof. There's plenty of space. We'll be waiting for you there. Adrianne out."

_"Bye."_

I shut off the comlink and looked up, focusing my eyes on my surroundings for a moment. The wind was blowing from the ocean, making the grass wave like a large, green sea. The air was warm and smelled of salt.

Slowly I made my way back to the others. Canderous was sitting on the stairs leading to the Temple and Jolee was lying in the grass with his eyes closed and his hands behind his head.

When I sat down beside him, he spoke up: "So…what did you see?"

"Nothing. I was talking to Mission," I said quietly, lying down as well. I looked up at the azure sky above me and smiled a little, listening to the soft chanting of the Elders.

"I mean before we headed to the village."

I frowned and turned my head to look at the old Jedi. His eyes were still closed, his face calm. When he didn't receive his answer, he looked at me. "You can speak freely, Canderous can't hear us if you're worried over his reaction."

"I am not," I said and looked above us again. "It's just...I saw…" _myself die, _"a sign."

"Of what?"

"Danger," I mused. "Raenah's inside. I don't know how he did it. He had to talk to Malak and…I don't know."

"Enemy of my enemy is my friend?" Jolee offered.

I smiled and closed my eyes, enjoying the sun's touch on my face. "Doubt it. Probably Malak just wants to use him to kill me and then he would get rid of Raenah as well. You know, defeat all his enemies in single glorious day."

"Aren't you afraid to go in then? Knowing this?"

"I am not afraid to die, if that's what you ask."

"Do you want to die?"

"No!" I exclaimed and looked at him again. When I moved my head, the grass started caressing my cheek. "Of course not, Jolee."

"Then you are," he said simply. And just when I opened my mouth to protest, he took a breath: "Maybe not for your sake."

"What do you mean?"

He was quiet for a moment. The chanting got a little louder. "I don't know you for such a long time, lass, but I know one thing about you. You'd never abandon your friends if you could help it. And especially you wouldn't leave them in such a mess. Think about Mission, for example. And I'm pretty sure you'd hate to leave this world without telling the Council…well…whatever nice words you have prepared for them." That made me chuckle. "Or without solving out your relationship with our pilot," he added, finally looking at me from the corner of his eye. "How are the things between you two?"

"I…" once again I focused my eyes on the sky. There was a single, white cloud flying over it. "I don't really know. We haven't had the chance to talk actually…with so much going on and…you know."

"Has he at least broken the code of that datapad of yours?"

I smiled. "Probably not. He was trying thought. However, I don't think he'll manage."

"Why not?"

"Both Bastia and I were trying and failed. And I'm pretty sure we know more about the way I think than Carth."

"He might surprise you."

"Nah, I don't think so," I smiled and closed my eyes. I wished I could stay here like that. Lying in the sun, calm, at ease. I didn't want to get up and go on fighting again. I was sick of the constant fighting!

"Then why have you given it to him?"

I shrugged. "At the time I was hoping he could get inside. But…I don't believe it anymore."

"Guys! Something's going on!"

...

I stopped in front of the door, hesitant. I could hear the wind whistling and the murmuring of the sea from the outside.

I felt a heavy hand on my shoulder. Canderous gave it a squeeze, before urging me wordlessly to go on. I took a deep breath and opened the door, walking trough it.

We were still hidden in the shadow of the Temple's large spire, but when I looked over the roof I saw a figure standing at the edge of it, leaning against the battlements, looking at the sea.

I made a step forward, but another hand grabbed me by my elbow. "Careful, lass," Jolee warned me. I didn't even look at him. "Don't worry," I whispered and rested my hand on the shield on my belt for a moment. Then I stepped in the sun, making sure I wasn't giving away how nervous I felt.

Raenah spotted me and straightened, walking to meet me, smiling from ear to ear. I stopped between to columns; it was making me feel a little bit secure. I felt something was wrong, very wrong, but it was too late to run and hide. The image of the woman – of _me_ – falling from the roof flashed in front of my eyes for a moment, making me regret going there. But what had to be done, had to be done. There was no other way.

He made a mocking bow to me. "I've shut off the field for you," he stated and winked at me. His smile turned into vicious grin.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Why would you do that?" I asked and my eyes fell on the nearby console. He was speaking the truth. The field was down.

"Just wanted to make you happy," he said, turning its back me.

_Now…strike him down! Now!_ I made a step forward, but then he suddenly spun around as if he could sense my intentions. Well, of course he could. "Or maybe I just wanted to make you drop your guard," he offered another explanation, waving his hand nonchalantly. For a moment I thought he was about to use the Force, but nothing happened. He just…waved his hand.

"I won't do that around you. Not anymore," I growled and readied my lightsabers. I noticed the ship behind him. I was sure I'd never seen it before, but it still seemed somehow familiar. I made myself look at him again. "I see you've gotten yourself a new lightsaber," I said.

"Gift from your former friend," he chuckled. "He's afraid of you. He knows you can defeat him."

"I can kill you, too. Aren't you afraid?"

"But you don't have to kill me," he went on, now coming closer to me. I initiated my lightsabers and put them in front of me, making him stop. "I've never met anyone that weak as your friend. Makes me think you are the best a human kind has to offer," he paused for a moment, letting the insult sunk in. "You know the rules. Only the strong one can lead the Sith. He doesn't deserve to be a Sith Lord. I say, let us bring him down."

"Us?" I repeated. "No way. You won't live to see his fall, Raenah. You're going to die here."

"Why so stubborn, Revan?" he whispered and a shiver went down my spine. "Why serve as someone else's puppet, when you can rule. Why listening to anyone, when it could be you ordering people around."

"Do you think using my name will make me fall for your dirty tricks, Sith?" I asked. "You're wrong. This conversation ends here."

"You're right. It does end here," he said, still smiling, thought his voice sounded cold. "Turn around," he bid me, not moving from a spot, not reaching for his lightsaber, not doing anything at all.

"Do you think I'm stupid?"

He shook his head. "Wouldn't dream of it. I just wonder…which of your friends will you choose? You can't save them both…or…can you?"

For a moment, I was still looking in his cruel, yellow eyes, hair streaming behind me as the wind was whipping my face mercilessly. Suddenly I was terrified to turn around, but did so anyway.

"Now…drop your lightsabers," Raenah commanded me sweetly, coming closer to me, "or I'll tell them to slit your friend's throats."

Canderous and Jolee were both in stasis. Behind each of them was a Dark Jedi, holding a lightsaber at their necks. Their faces were hidden behind black scarves, but their eyes were shining from their pale faces, looking at the Sith behind me, ready for his order.

"Drop…them," Raenah repeated, his voice no louder than a whisper.

The wind was getting stronger and I could hear the soft roaring.

My hands opened on their own accord and the lightsabers clinked loudly when they hit the floor, and rolled to the side, away from me.

"You're just too predictable, human," Raenah said victoriously and went around me. "I knew you would bring someone with you," he went on, now facing me. "Because that's your weakness. And weaknesses are what I prey on."

"You're not going to get away with this," I growled.

"And who's going to stop me. You? How? Your friends? Nope… The wannabe Sith on the Star Forge? Don't think so. You know, my Master will surely reward me when I bring him the news: claiming the Star Forge for the Sith Empire!"

* * *

><p>To be continued. Thank you for reading :) And thank you so much for your reviews :)<p>

Oh, and the good news - Carth's coming back in the next chapter. Just briefly, but still, better than nothing :)


	33. Shield

Disclaimer: I still don't own Kotor.

* * *

><p>Raenah lifted his hand. The red lights flashed in front of me, blinding me for a moment. Instinctively I lifted my hand to shield my eyes as I jumped back in an attempt to dodge the deadly laser. The ground was shaking and according to the sound part of the battlements had collapsed. Something collided with me and sent me falling down. I heard screaming and the swooshing sound of a lightsaber being drawn.<p>

"You missed him!" The deep yell was so loud, but I almost couldn't hear it over the roaring. It was deafening, yet the sweetest sound I'd ever heard.

Through my closed lids I was aware of the shadow above me. When I opened my eyes again. Raenah was on the ground next to me, getting up. Quickly I sprung to my feet and tried to catch him as he run towards his ship.

"Not this time, you coward!" I heard myself scream when I used the Force to knock him off his feet. He'd – again – anticipated my move and jumped high in the air, avoiding the wave I'd sent his way. When he landed, we were standing face to face. He had his lightsaber in his hand. But that couldn't stop me. I still had something up my sleeve.

"No! You're unarmed!" Jolee screamed behind me when I didn't stop. Raenah's eyes widened, but then he lifted his hand and stabbed.

"No!"

Focusing all my energy into it, I called upon the Force. I could feel the fierce heat on my palm, but the damaged got absorbed in the Force. My right arm was trembling and my muscles were hurting from the strain and I had to support it with my other arm, but my action was enough to throw him of balance again, just like back on Korriban. He drew back for a moment, lifting his hand to another attack.

At the moment the large shadow was above us again and Raenah's head flew up. My hand reached forward, but only slid down his armour when he whirled around, deactivating the 'blade.

The shadow moved briskly and another set of red lights made me turn away. I heard an explosion and a wave of heat, but when I turned around Raenah's ship was high in the sky, its shield shining around it, rippling from the the spot where it had been hit.

Someone took me gently by my arm, helping me up. My knees were trembling and I felt extremely exhausted. "Are you alright?" Jolee asked me, yelling so that I could hear him over the landing ship.

"Unharmed," I replied, ignoring the dull pain in my arms. "What about you?" I asked, but they both seemed uninjured, unlike the two Sith Raenah had left behind. "I'm so sorry," I tried to say, but my voice cracked.

Jolee reached out and took my cheeks into his palms and shook his head, frowning. "Don't. We're alive. That's all that matters."

"Not thanks to me," I rasped out.

"Was it your idea?" Canderous asked, throwing his head towards the Ebon Hawk. Jolee let go of me when I followed his motion and looked at the ship. She was already lowering the ramp. I felt like my knees were about to buckle any moment, nonetheless I took a slow break to calm down and made a move towards the ship, beckoning my friends to follow me.

When they caught up on me, Jolee pressed my lightsabers back into my hands wordlessly.

"It wasn't," I whispered, running up the ramp. We weren't even inside yet, when it started to lift again and the ship was slowly taking off.

"Statement: Master, what a disappointing turn of events," HK welcomed us. He was standing at the entrance to the main hold. Instead of answering, I shoved him the stealth field generator I'd managed to steal from Raenah before he fled again. "Keep it and wait here," I said shortly.

"Hey, guys, I'm sorry!" Mission ran into the main hold. At first I wondered what she'd been doing in the engine room, but then I noticed the dirt on her hands; she'd been climbing the ladder to the turret. "I'm sorry I missed. I've never been up there and had a little problem operating the guns. I was…" she wanted to add something, but I threw my arms around her in a tight embrace I was sure I had to squeeze all the air from her lungs. I let go a few seconds later. "Just shut up. You fucking saved our asses down there. There's nothing…absolutely nothing you should be sorry about," I whispered and made a step back, hiding my face in my palm. "I really thought we were goners this time," I admitted.

An awkward silence filled the room until I lifted my head again. I was tempted to apologize for that moment of weakness, but that would only make things worse.

"Hey, you're just a human," Mission said, sending me a weak smile. "You're allowed to make a mistake from time to time."

I frowned. "Not when lives depend on my actions," I whispered. Though I felt a little…relieved. "I'll go check on Juhani," I decided and turned around.

Juhani was sitting in the pilot's seat, taking the ship off the planet. She smiled at me mildly when I entered. "The fleet's just jumped out of the hyperspace."

I nodded. "I want to talk to the…eh…whoever who's in charge," I said.

"Just a minute," she replied and started setting up the connection. I nodded, turning around and heading to the main hold again. Jolee and Canderous passed me by when I entered it, going to the cockpit. Both Mission and Zaalbar turned their heads to me, but it was HK who actually approached me. "Ready to serve, Master," he welcomed me, moving his head quickly from side to side. He was holding his rifle in one hand, the other was clutching the generator.

"Step back from the holopanel," I said simply. "And wait here, I have orders for you," I managed to add, before the holopanel projected a woman dressed in an officer republic uniform. I straightened a bit, putting my hands behind my back. I recognized her. There weren't so many women among such high ranked officers and Dodonna certainly deserved the position she had. "Admiral Dodonna, this is Ad…Revan. I'm pleased to see you brought the whole Republic with you. It will be needed. I'm afraid the enemy already knows about our plans and won't let us anywhere close to the facility without a fight," I informed her, disregarding the surprised look she gave me when I introduced myself.

She regained her composure quickly however. "As you were anticipating of course," she nodded. "Carth Onasi has presented me your plan how to get inside the station. I've already put together several small quick ships to accompany you."

"The more the better," I concurred. "However, before we join the battle, I have a request. We've got a wounded person on board and I don't want her to be with us when we hit the station. Just in case if the worst happened."

Dodonna smiled strangely. "Of course, Master Jedi," she replied. I flinched a little when she called me "Master Jedi", but left it uncommented. "You can leave your crewmember in our care. I'll send an escort for you to take you to the hangar of my ship. I was going to ask you to arrive anyway. I want to send my best men with you on the Star Forge to ensure the success of this mission. Dodonna out." With that, she disconnected, leaving absolutely no space for my answer.

I frowned deeply.

"Did she say...what I think she did?" Mission asked, looking thoughtfully at the place Dodonna's hologram had been a moment ago.

I nodded shortly. "She doesn't trust me. No wonder, actually. Though it's a little bit...offending," I said and narrowed my eyes, turning to the rusty droid.

HK was waiting, his eyes blazing in his face. "Need someone killed, Master?" he asked immediately when I turned my attention at him.

"I want you to put this thing on and turn it on immediately," I pointed at Raenah's device at his hands. "It seems we're getting a few guests and I don't want them to know about you. Besides, I want you to follow me on the Star Forge unnoticed as well."

"Statement: Oh…you are a clever Master, Master. You want to use my stealth assassinating protocols to eliminate your targets while being engaged with open combat with you," he gathered. When it came to assassinating he was really bright.

I tilted my head to the side. "Not really. I want you to stay hidden all the way through the Star Forge and attack only and solely on my command. Actually, your main target is Raenah and you're not attack anyone else," I specified and HK eyes flared up with red glow.

Mission lifted her eyebrows slightly. "Wait, you think HK can take him down?"

I almost shook my head, but stopped myself before I could hurt my little assassin's feelings. "HK has one significant advantage. He's not Force-sensitive, so his trace in the Force would be less obvious. Raenah won't know about him."

/You want to have an element of surprise,/ Zaalbar said.

"Exactly, Big'Z," I nodded and looked at the droid. "I don't think I can defeat the Sith without you HK," I praised his ego little bit. He needed it, after all the time he couldn't join us because he had to guard Raenah. "I'm counting on you. Now, turn on the device and become my silent shadow, understood? Emphasis on the _silent_." I knew HK sometimes had this annoying habit of talking too much.

"Answer: Right away, Master!" HK was excited when he fulfilled my order.

Then I turned to Mission. It was better to settle things in private, before the soldiers would arrive. "Once we land on the cruiser, you're going too," I said.

"No," she frowned. "I can help you."

I signed. "I know you're capable Mission and an invaluable asset to our team. The thing is I don't want to endanger you. There's quite a chance we won't even make it to the station, let alone out of it."

"It doesn't matter," she started saying, but I cut her off. "It does matter!" I raised my voice. "I won't have you die on me when I can help it. You will go on the ship with Bastila."

"I'm not a helpless kid, you know?" Mission retorted, folding hands over her chest.

"I've never said you were," I said, calmer now and determined to use a different tactics on the girl. "Mission...how many times have I nearly died during the past few months if it weren't for any of you?" I asked.

Mission looked confused for a moment. "But that was only because you are always so keen on throwing yourself into danger and playing our shield," she answered after a moment of hesitation, her stance relaxing a bit.

"Manaan was rather critical. And Leviathan stands out too. Korriban, of course. And Taris. Oh, and mustn't forget about Lehon," I was thinking out loud. "And all that despite my training. Because, let's be honest, forget about all the rubbish about peace and so, all my life I've been training to become a fighter."

"But..."

"Quite a lot playing your shield, isn't it?" I used her words. "Not even the Force could help me. And that's another matter, the Force. Everybody on the station will use it as well," I returned back to the previous topic. "You have no way how to protect yourself from its effects. Only Force shield can do that, and I'm afraid I'm not that good to create it around everyone in the same moment. It takes time and sometimes that could be fatal." I was thinking about the deep dark shafts that were omnipresent on the Star Forge. A single Force wave was enough to knock someone into it…

She frowned and crossed her hand in front of her, looking away from me. Eventually she nodded despite herself. "I don't like it," she said, pouting a little bit.

"Your safety is more important for me than your feelings on the matter right now," I replied coldly. When she added nothing, I made my way to the cockpit. Juhani was sitting in the co-pilots seat, while Jolee was piloting the ship. Canderous was leaning against the wall right next to the entrance, watching the fleet in front of us.

"Impressive," I said silently, looking over few dreadnoughts, dozens of war cruisers, hundreds of smaller ships and fighters. They seemed to be everywhere, crossing the space in breakneck speed in what looked like utter chaos. I was wondering how quick the pilot's reflexes had to be to prevent them from crashing into each other, or fly right into a laser beam or something.

"Desperate," Canderous corrected me, breaking my chain of thoughts.

"Why desperate?" Juhani turned in the seat to look at us. We were speaking quietly, so that we wouldn't disturb Jolee who was talking to the pilots of two republic fighters that were taking us to the Dodonna's ship. _She was quick,_ I thought.

"They don't want to take any chances on losing this battle. That's why they've brought so many ships."

I frowned and crossed my hands over my chest while watching the cruiser in front of us getting closer and closer.

"What business do we have with them anyway?" Canderous asked.

"Exchange of crewmembers," I said sardonically, still glowering.

"What? I thought we were only going to drop off Bastila," Juhani looked at me confusedly.

I snorted. "The Admiral Dodonna insisted on joining her forces with us."

Jolee laughed shortly. "I'm not surprised. They are afraid of you, Revan."

"I'm not their enemy," I said sharply, as if it was Jolee's fault. "They should be focusing on Malak, not me! I'm trying to help them."

"Try to see things from the Republic's perspective. They have every right to be cautious."

"Thank you, old man," I growled. "I should go welcome our guests," I added when we made a move to approach the ship's hangar. I whirled around, leaving the cockpit in heavy strides. I was angry, but managed to keep a serene face when I stepped to the corridor leading to the ramp. Shortly after that the ship stopped moving and the ramp started lowering. I made a few steps back into the corridor so when the soldiers started boarding the Ebon Hawk, they couldn't see me. I watched them gather in our main hold without uttering a single word.

"Hey!" I heard Mission's loud voice. I sighed and was about to follow the column she was greeting so merrily, but then others entered thee ship. Ignoring the group of medic droids, I could hardly contain my joy when I bowed deeply before Master Zhar. "Master, you're alive!" I exhaled slowly. "I thought...I've heard about Dantooine and..."

The Twi'lek smiled kindly and laid his hand on my shoulder. "I'm glad to see you as well, Adrianne."

I smiled broadly, but then frowned when I noticed what he was wearing. "Those aren't your usual robes, Master," I stated. He was wearing armoured robes as if... "You're going to join us on the Star Forge?"

Motioning me to the main hold, he nodded. "The high Council has finally come to conclusion that this time we ought to listen to your plea for help. There are more Jedi Knights on other ships as well."

"Glad to hear that, Master," I smiled and we stopped in the main hold. The soldiers were standing along the walls, as if on watch. They were paying Juhani strange looks when she led the medic droids to our sick bay. For a moment I was wondering whether they were thinking she was Revan. That thought somehow made me chuckle.

Zhar frowned slightly when the droids carried Bastila out of the infirmary. She was covered with blanked up to her chin to make the missing arm less obvious, but it was still hard to overlook. "Who did it to her?"

"A Sith," I said evasively, dropping my eyes. "But it was my fault…I should have protected her better," I added silently. _I should have listened to her. I should have listened to everyone, but instead I persisted in finding out more about why he'd come._

While the droids were passing us by, I stopped them and approached the stretcher. "Don't worry," I said to Bastila. "I'm not planning to die there. You'll still have your chance to scold me for…well…everything," I promised to her and then turned to the droid next to me. "Take good care of her."

"We always do take good care of our patients, Master Jedi," answered the mechanised voice.

"I'll make sure they do," Mission said and for a moment took my hand in hers. "And you make sure you'll take care of yourself and the others too."

I forced myself to smile. "I'll see you at the victory party."

"You better live up to the promise," she said, her voice deadly serious. She shot me a worried glance, before she followed the droids out of the Ebon Hawk.

"I'll go tell the pilot that we can set off," I excused myself and crossed the main hold, examining the soldiers. They looked capable, were armed to teeth and armoured heavily. But none of their equipment or their skills would be too much of a use in a fight against a horde of dark Jedi.

I sighed as I stepped in the cockpit. "Jolee, Canderous? Bastila's gone. We can finally atta..." my voice slowly trailed off. Instead of Jolee it was someone else sitting in the pilot's seat. Carth looked over his shoulder and grinned at me. Someone might consider it weird, but the first thing I noticed was he'd shaved. "...ck the Star Forge," I finished, shifting my weight and trying to suppress the smile that was threatening to spread across my face. Now was not the time to smile at him.

"Glad to see you too. You look nice, by the way," he said cheerfully and turned back to the console. I felt the slight tremble and could see the Ebon Hawk slowly turned and was making her way through the field protecting the entrance of the hangar.

"Are you leading the soldiers?" I asked him, ignoring the light-hearted compliment. "If so, tell them they are going to guard the hangar once we land on the Star Forge."

"I'm afraid I can't help you, Revan," he replied. "They have their orders and not from me. Sorry."

"Still, they'll likely to obey you then me. I don't want them with us. They will be slowing us down," I frowned, putting my hands akimbo. "Not to say they will be completely useless on the Star Forge. I doubt any of them has the proper training to face a Force-user."

"Revan, I see your point, but I can't change anything here," he repeated. "The Admiral just thought it better if you had them with you."

"Let me guess…to supervise me," I said coldly.

He shrugged.

"That's incredibly insulting, you know? I'm here to kill my friend. That should be enough to prove my loyalty to the Republic." I knew it wasn't Carth's call, but I couldn't help it. The Admiral wasn't there so that I could yell at her.

"Since when has Malak become your friend again?" Carth asked, sounding amused.

"He…hasn't, but we shared a lot," I explained what I mean and he nodded. "Yeah, you were pretty close, I guess," he replied, his smile obvious in the tone of his voice.

I failed to see what was that amusing here. To tell the truth, Carth's behaviour was both making me confused and sad. And, partly angry. He was acting as if nothing had ever happened, as if we were the best buddies, nothing more nothing less, and as if all the Darth-Revan issue never occurred as well. And that wasn't right. We were supposed to sit and talk about it in private, whatever result it could bring. But not this, not…skipping the whole problem like that. I closed my eyes for a moment. "Would you be so kind and..." _start acting normal? _"...get us on the Star Forge as quickly as you can? I want this to be finally over. One way or another," I finished my sentence and turned around. "Canderous, Jolee? Please, come with me. I'm sure Carth can handle the situation," I added while leaving the cockpit. I was duly aware of the steel on steel clinking behind me. It was a faint sound, and maybe it was just my imagination rather than real perception. Anyway I knew HK was behind me. And so were Jolee and Canderous.

The soldiers lifted their heads when I entered the main hold. Zaalbar was sitting behind the holopanel, looking in thoughts, but he, too, focused his eyes on me when he heard me. Juhani was there too, casting me a determined look.

"Are we going to get a morale-boosting speech?" Canderous asked, stopping beside me.

"No," I frowned. I laid a hand on the nearby wall to steady myself when the ship made a swift evasive manoeuvre. "Orders."

"I'm disappointed," the Mandalorian threw in just loud enough only for me to hear.

I shot him a murderous look. "Right now, I feel like killing somebody, Canderous. Stop drawing my attention," I warned him, before turning to all the eyes that were focusing on me. "Zaalbar, Canderous, once we clear the hangar, you're going to guard it and the ship."

/What if the dark Jedi come?/

"They won't, Big'Z. They will be too preoccupied with me," I assured the Wookie. Ignoring the eight soldiers I looked at Juhani and Jolee. "You two are going with me. But only to the command centre. From there, you must turn off the Star Forge's weapon systems. Once you're done with this, try to jam the Sith communications. T3," I looked at the droid, and he chimed loudly, "you're going to help them with that."

"Beeeep peeep beeeeeeeeeeep?"

I smiled. "Precisely. Equip yourself with a good shield and the flamethrower Davik so kindly stored in the cargo hold."

T3's optic sensor flared up with a bright blue and the droid turned quickly and hurried to fulfil my order.

I smiled for a moment at the little droid's enthusiasm, thought I found it a little bit strange, considering his usual fear of...pretty much everything. Apparently T3 knew how important the mission was and what was at stake.

"And all the orders I've already given to _any_ of you still stand," I added loudly. Juhani looked at me strangely, not quite understanding at first. Her eyes moved around the room and then it probably hit the home. "HK?" she mouthed and I nodded.

"Master Zhar," I turned to the Jedi who'd been waiting patiently all the time. "I'd be honoured if you accompanied my team," I said to him. I didn't add I would leave him with Juhani and Jolee. Somehow I had the feeling he'd protest and I didn't want to argue with him at the moment.

His face remained stoic when he nodded shortly.

I gave him a slight smile before finally focusing on the soldiers. "As for you, I've been told you have your orders, but I have a few of them for you as well. Don't get into my way and don't slow me down. You're not my concern, I don't want you here and I don't care about you. Do what you have to do, but don't expect me to lay my life for any of you if any of you get into trouble. I'm not going to wait for you, nor am I going to protect you."

"That's rather harsh, Adrianne," Zhar said silently.

"It's not. You should have talked the Admiral out of this. We're going to fight dark Jedi on the station."

"Adrianne…"

I frowned. "With all due respect, Master, I've already wasted my chance to end the Sith's lives once," _twice, in Raenah's case,_ "I'm not going to repeat the mistake by letting them slip through my fingers again, because I had to babysit somebody."

"Lives?" Zhar repeated slowly. He was about to ask another question, but a loud blast above us stopped him. I could hear T3's loud, scared whistle from the cargo hold as the ship quivered.

/Were we hit?/ Zaalbar roared loudly.

"Thankfully we have good shields," Canderous commented. Another shriek from the cargo hold rang through the ship when the Hawk sharply moved to one side and back, probably avoiding the Star Forge's lasers.

We were apparently getting closer. I looked over my shoulder into the corridor to cockpit, thinking whether I should go check on Carth, but eventually decided against it. Firstly, there was no way I could help him, secondly…well…I just didn't feel like going there at the moment.

"How difficult is it to get there?" Canderous asked me, after the ship swung swiftly to left and back to right again, forcing all of us to hold onto something. T3, who'd been coming back from the cargo hold, wailed loudly, when the movement sent him down the corridor to my quarters. He had to use his wheel brakes to stop himself.

"Difficult," I said silently. "That's probably the only reason why I'm glad Carth's here."

"Only? Don't say," Canderous sneered.

I narrowed my eyes at him, not really in mood for jokes. "You've probably forgotten that sweet Sith on Lehon who was holding a lightsaber under your throat," I hissed. The ship suddenly charged forward. I had no problem with keeping balance however, until something cold and made of steel hit my back.

"Dammit, HK!" I cursed under my breath when Zhar promptly caught my arm, preventing me from falling.

"What did you say?" the Master asked me, but before I could answer the ship suddenly lost the speed. Luckily for me, Zhar hadn't let go of me. "Careful with my ship!" I yelled towards the cockpit after regaining my balance.

"Beep peeeeep beeeeep!" T3 chimed loudly, turning his head left and right.

Some of the soldiers looked at the little astromech droid and Juhani smiled. "I'm sure Revan is just as concerned about our lives as she cares about the Ebon Hawk, T3. Be calm."

I was about to add my voice and reassure the little buddy about it when I felt…something. Rage. But not mine. And the ships engine went silent.

"He knows we made it inside," I whispered and looked at Master Zhar. "I was right. He is in the command centre watching the battle."

"Then let us waste no time," Carth said when he emerged from the cockpit.

I signed and readied myself for another argument. "You're not coming with us."

"What?" his head snapped to me.

"You're going to stay here, in the hangar."

"No, I'm not," he said simply. Walking by me he motioned his man to follow him outside.

I caught up with him quickly and stopped him, letting his squad leave the ship before saying anything. "You don't understand. I'm just making sure he won't kill you," I tried to explain. I wanted to tell him about what happened on Lehon, but he smiled and lifted his hand to stroke my cheek lightly. "And maybe I'm going to the same for you, hm?" he whispered and leaned a bit closer. "Dustil made it clear he'd never forgive me if I returned without you." With one last smile, he turned around and run down the ramp, leaving me standing there.

"I don't want him coming with us," I said silently when Jolee and Canderous joined me. From the outside, it had to look weird. Just the three of us, standing there, doing nothing, and me with a long face.

"He's capable. He'll be fine," Jolee tried to reassure me.

But failed. "No," I shook my head. "Raenah knows I care about him. He'd hurt him just to get to me. I don't think I would…"

"You worry too much," Canderous stated simply.

"He's already one used my weakness to get me to my knees. He nearly killed us all on Lehon," I reminded them in trembling voice. The prospect of my death was never so terrifying for me as a death of someone I loved.

"Now, that's not how you must look when you walk outside the ship," Jolee berated me. "Put on your bravest face and let's go. He's decided to go with us and now we're only losing precious time here."

I nodded, taking a slow breath. "I know, but…argh!" I let my shoulder drop for a moment. Then I started moving finally. Slowly, I walked down the ramp and stopped on its edge for a second, before at last stepping on the station. A shiver went down my spine when my foot touched the floor, but it wasn't an unpleasant feeling. Moreover, it wasn't actually coming from me. I took a slow breath when I realized what it meant; it was the Star Forge.

"Something wrong?" Jolee asked me, touching me lightly on my arm. I shook my head. He'd never understand. For him it was just a station. But I'd spent so much time here to know better. In a way the Star Forge was a living creature, an always hungry living creature. Craving the dark side in whoever was in control. "Just…being here again," I said vaguely, looking around.

I was pleased to find out the Ebon Hawk wasn't the only ship in this particular hangar. There was another, and her crew – six soldiers led by three Jedi – was heading to us. Master Zhar and I went to meet them. The Jedi were all unfamiliar to me, but they had to be Zhar's acquaintances. They bowed before him.

"How many ships have landed," Zhar asked them.

"All but one, Master Zhar," one of the Jedi, a tall man with blonde hair and blue eyes, answered. "We lost contact with V-3 just seconds before the hangar."

Master Zhar turned to me. "We've got six teams in, seven if you include us," he informed me.

"How many Jedi?"

"Eighteen."

_ Better than nothing,_ I thought grimly. Although I was hoping for more. "Canderous, Zaalbar, stay here and guard the ship. The rest, let's get out of here," I said and turned around, heading to the large lift.

"I'm surprised Malak hasn't sent any welcoming party to greet us," Juhani mused silently.

It was Jolee who answered her. "He might have been hoping we wouldn't make it."

I smiled. "I'm sure he'll rectify that soon enough," said cheerfully, when we entered the lift.

"There are no buttons," I heard the soldiers mumble. They were gathered around the small panel on the wall. It looked like a screen, but it was blank. I gave a lopsided smile, not bothering to explain to them how the Star Forge worked. When Rakata had built it, they still had had the ability to command the Force. And so everything here was adjusted to Force-users.

I approached the panel and waved my hand in front of it, using the Force.

"Where are we going?" Zhar asked. He was trying to talk quietly, but it was to no use in a lift.

"Deck one," I said just as the lift stopped. The door opened and I left it, entering the wide empty corridor.

"I thought we were going to the command centre," Juhani wondered and fell in line with me, her lightsaber ready.

"We are," I nodded. "But it's accessible from only one deck and Malak knows it, so I expect it to be heavily guarded. Crossing the deck one will get us on the deck two as well, and much closer to the lift leading to the command centre. Longer way, but safer," I explained.

"Why isn't anyone here?" Carth asked behind me.

"Because they are outside, fighting the fleet," I answered. "Malak may have infinite amount of ships, but he doesn't have infinite numbers of man to pilot them."

We came to the end of the corridor, stopping at the door. Before opening it I tried to listen to anything what might be lurking behind it.

"Droids," Zhar nodded after we exchanged a glance. "A lot of them, according to the sound."  
>"Droids can break," I whispered and made a step from the door. I looked at the Master Jedi beside at my right and the two Padawans at my left. "Ready?" I asked them. I knew that once I'd open the door there would be no turning back.<p>

They nodded. And I opened the door.

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><p>Yay, new chapter :) heh, thank for reading, guys. See you later, or...you know what I mean :)<p> 


	34. Little help and so little time

Dislcaimer: I don't own Kotor, Bioware does.

* * *

><p>"Everyone okay?" I asked when the last droid broke down in a shower of sparks and dark column of smoke. Waving my hand to disperse the smoke I looked over each member of the team. The soldiers kept in the rear, shooting the droids, and seemed unharmed. Juhani had a shallow scratch on her hip where a droid tried to pierce through her skin and sink deep into her flesh, but she was the first one to reassure me she was alright. Jolee and Zhar simply nodded, deactivating their lightsabers.<p>

"I'd keep them on, if I were you," I warned them simply before taking a lead again, trying my best to calm my fears. The droids were a piece of cake, but I knew what was ahead of us.

Catwalks.

Several minutes later we arrived at the end of the corridor. I heard Juhani let out a long breath of admiration when she looked over the enormous shaft in front of us. The yellow light from the catwalks was the only thing visible from where we were standing, since the steel path was soon dissolving in the dark, making it appear like there wasn't anything solid to walk on, save for the light itself. From within the shaft we could hear the humming of the Star Forge as it was producing new ships and fighters. However, all I could hear was the pounding of my own heart right in my ears. I tried to fight my tensed muscles when I turned to Jolee, hoping he would get the hint. "It wasn't unsupported," I said silently, but with everyone being quiet, they still could hear it as if I was screaming. For a moment Jolee was unresponsive and I was feeling like a total idiot.

"You did well on Korriban," he stated finally, turning his head to one side.

I caught myself glancing towards the catwalks for a moment. "But I would have felt much better, knowing I was somehow useful, you know…like having someone's back or something," I sent him a weak smile. I wanted him to go first so that I could focus on him walking in front of me, on the way his shoulders would move with each step, on anything actually, just to divert my attention from the darkness all around us.

Jolee nodded few times, touching his chin with his fingertips lightly, seemingly in thoughts. "That you would have…" he agreed, but something in his tone made me believe he wouldn't indulge me. His eyes flickered around, resting on Carth. I frowned.

"Adrianne, is something wrong?" Zhar asked, capturing my attention. He stepped closer to me and cast me a worried look. "You're…"

"…fine," I finished for him. I looked at the old Jedi one last time and he had the gall to smile at me. I felt all the eyes on me, so I returned the smile awkwardly and turned to the catwalks, putting on a brave face. Lifting my head up, I made the first step, setting the foot on the yellow floor. It was shaking a little, because of all the machines and engines that were running in the Star Forge's core. I didn't recall noticing it before however.

I kept my eyes front and tried to imagine something, anything in front of me instead of the dark, but miserably failed. So at least I narrowed my eyes in a futile attempt to see through it to the other end of the catwalk, but even the light was simply disappearing as if in nowhere. I took a slow breath.

_"Alek!"_

_ "Revan! Just…Hold on ! I'll be…"_

I clenched my sweating hands as if I could still feel the slippery edge of the catwalk. The helplessness of it when I was hanging down hit me again and I made the foolish move to look down.

_"Alek!"_

_"…right there!"_

"Don't tell me you're afraid of heights," an amused voice whispered near to my ear.

I tried to laugh, but it came only as a nervous chuckle. "The hell I am, Carth," I wanted to say, as self-confidently as I could, but ended up with: "No, I'm…I'm not." Somehow, I was glad he caught up with me. At least I could look at something – someone – else rather than the darkness around me.

His face was half-hidden in the shadow, half-lit by the eerie yellow light, but his eyes had this warmth in them like they used to whenever he looked at me before he'd found out the truth about me. "Come on," he smiled, "you're the worst liar I've ever seen, Revan."

"And what of it? Even I can be afraid of something. The thing is I can hold it back," I whispered to him, my eyes locked on the soft smile pulling at the corner of his lips. He couldn't see where I was looking however; he was intently watching the empty space in front of us. I used the opportunity to scan him from head to toe. "Where are your blasters?" I reflected when I looked at his hands. Instead of his usual guns, he was holding a rifle. He had it lowered, but still ready, and his forefinger was off the trigger at the moment, so that he wouldn't accidentally shoot.

"I thought the occasion needed something…bigger. I doubt the old things could have shot through the droids' armour as easily as this one," he patted the rifle.

"Insightful," I uttered, looking in front of us again. For some time we were quiet. The echo of our steps, the silent rustling of clothes and occasional clanging of his rifle against his armour he was wearing instead of his usual orange jacket were strangely comforting.

"Can I ask you something?" he broke the silence.

"Well," I hesitated, "go on."

"What happened on Korriban? I mean with the Sith."

I frowned. "What do you want to hear?" I asked, unwilling to look at him. "That you were right? And I was stupid?"

"Revan, that's not…"

"Of course it is," I didn't let him finish. "I made a mistake. I shouldn't have…I should have killed him…but no! I was acting like a dumbass and now Bastila's lost her arm because of it."

His hand on my shoulder suddenly stopped me. He turned me to face him, but instead of locking my eyes with his I had them focused on the rifle now swinging on the sling around his upper body. "When I asked the question I wanted to know whether he had done anything to you," he whispered in a low voice.

I clenched my teeth. _Now you care? _"No, he's done nothing to me," I spat out and tried to get out of his reach, backing.

"Revan, the edge!" he grabbed my hands again and pulled me to him just as my foot stepped in the air. He laughed then, trapping me into his arms. "You really must love falling from the catwalks, huh?" he asked, highly amused.

"Stop it, that's inappropriate," I said, casting a worried look over my shoulder to see the others. But there was no one behind us, at least not right behind us; the path of light was cut off by dark figures more than a hundred meters away from us. They were so far I somehow doubted they could see much of what was happening here. "What...? What's taking them so long?" I asked.

Carth smiled. "For such a short person you walk in quite long strides. Besides, Jolee promised to walk slowly."

I turned my head to him again. "Jolee promised to…" I repeated wordlessly.

Carth's features softened. "You might have fooled the soldiers, but anyone who knows you can tell you're not fully yourself. I thought you just needed a little help," he added.

Realizing I was still in his arms, I gently I pushed him away from me. "But why?" I asked. "Few days ago you refused to even talk to me and now you act as if nothing happened. That's not…"

"Because you were right," he said. "Telos…Telos wasn't your fault," he said in a serious voice.

"Aha…" I mused, folding my hands over my chest. "What caused the sudden change in your belief, I wonder..."

He looked away for a moment, checking how long until the others would catch up with us, before shaking his head. "That's not something I want to discuss with you now or here. There will be plenty of time later. After few shots or glasses of something tasteful," he said in low voice and motioned me to continue walking.

I didn't move however. "What if I die? How will you be able to live with yourself if you don't tell me now?"

He chuckled. "Nice try, beautiful, but you won't die. HK won't let you. And yes, before you ask, I know he's here somewhere. I'm not stupid. He wouldn't leave your side especially when shooting and eliminating meatbags is in question. Actually," he added after a short pause, "I'm sure he's standing right next to us with his rifle aimed at me in case I tried something. I always had the feeling he doesn't like me."

"You turned him off on Tatooine," I reminded him and I turned away from him, continuing down the catwalk. I really did feel much safer knowing he was there for me. "By the way, HK won't let you?" I echoed. "Not: I won't let you?"

He quickly fell in line with me. "You're not going to allow me to go with you. If there is anything you're afraid of – except for heights, of course…"

"…Carth…" I growled and shot him a murderous look.

"…it's losing someone you love."

I laughed and this time it sounded exactly like I wanted; like a mockery. "Don't presume to know me. Besides, who says I love you?"

"You, back on Tatooine," he whispered. I couldn't almost hear him over the humming; it was much stronger here in the middle of the shaft. "And on the Ebon Hawk when you tried to make me stay in the hangar. You wouldn't have said it if you hadn't cared."

I wanted to laugh at him again, but something in front of me drew my attention instead. "What is that?" I asked when I noticed a set of lights moving in front of us. I knew the answer as soon as I asked the question however; someone was fighting with lightsabers over there.

Forgetting the narrow catwalk and all my _unsupported_ fears, I broke into run, initiating my own lightsabers. I wanted to lull the Sith into believing reinforcements were coming; after all my lightsabers were red.

But I was too late. The last Jedi fell before I could reach the battle. I stopped when the lifeless body fell to the floor just few meters from me.

Of course, the Sith realized I wasn't one of them. "Look what we have here," one of them started. I had no idea which one it was, they all had the scarves over their faces, but the voice belonged to a woman. "Looks like the battle isn't over yet." She stated and made a step forward, but another one, male this time, stopped her by putting his arm in front of her.

"Don't!" he said, sinking his eyes into mine. "Don't you recognize her? That's Darth Revan!" he introduced me.

"Nonsense! Darth Revan was a man, you dumbass," the woman looked at him, tilting her head to one side slightly.

Instead of answering her, the Sith lowered his arm and made a step back. I quirked my eyebrow at him when he suddenly turned around and started running. To save his life, to tell Malak, it made no difference. He didn't even make it to the door when he had to turn to parry the lightsaber I threw at him. However he didn't see the other one, until it cut him across his back.

The woman leapt at me, using the opportunity to strike me down, but I dodged the first slash at my body, grabbing her arm and whirling us both around. In a quick spin I caught the first of my lightsabers and put the blade over my shoulder to cover another blow.

At the moment a blaster fire sounded through the shaft and tens of bolts of green and red colour covered the Sith. I turned around and sliced at the woman while she was trying to deflect the bolts. Of course, there was no avoiding a little friendly fire, but by the time the rest caught up with me, the Sith were all dead.

Jolee flashed me a bright smile after pointing to the large door not far from us. "The end. Too soon, I'd say. This place was…romantic, don't you think?" he asked me in innocent voice.

I frowned and for a second I dared to look at Carth, but he was talking to his soldiers, unaware of my eyes on him. Instead of replying, I shrugged. "Let's go then. And from now on be prepared for more dark Jedi," I warned everyone and hurried to the door.

The long corridor behind it led to another lift. I sent it to the deck two, our last stop before the command centre.

"So far it wasn't difficult," Juhani commented after a few seconds of awkward silence so typical for lifts.

"I think Malak expected us to go straight to the command centre. Which means most of his units are going to be deployed all over deck two," I shared my opinion.

"Are you expecting a tough fight?" Zhar asked. When I looked at him, his forehead was wrinkled slightly, and he was eyeing the lightsabers in my hands. "Probably," I nodded. "What are you looking at?" I asked him, examining my weapons as well. They looked normal, no damage or anything.

"I was just wondering something," Master Zhar said, looking at me with curious gleam in his eyes. "What happened to your lightsabers, Adrianne?"

I frowned, not really sure what he meant. "Nothing, Master." I checked the hilts again. "They're fine…"

"They are red," he pointed out, "and different from those you've built in the Enclave."

I closed my eyes for a hearbeat, finally understanding. "I see where this is going. Well, you know me, Master; something never changes," I said and an apologetic smile found its way to my lips. "But it was for the good of the mission."

He simply smiled and shook his head. "You're incorrigible, Adrianne."

The lift slowed down and stopped, opening the door. I was surprised to find the corridor empty. But just as the thought of where everyone was crossed my mind, light steps echoed from behind the turning. Whoever was coming our way wasn't in a hurry. It couldn't be anyone wearing armour either; otherwise the steps would be much heavier.

"I hear it too," Zhar whispered, stepping next to me.

"Dark Jedi," I nodded.

"Beeeep beeep," T3 chimed, much more quietly than usually, turning his flat little head from side to side.

"Just keep out of the front line and you'll be fine," Jolee tried to reassure the little droid when I and Master Zhar went to meet the welcoming party. It seemed like an ordinary patrol; only three of them and they didn't even have their lightsabers ready. Cutting them down was easy.

"Was it just me, or did they seem surprised to find us here?" Juhani asked.

"Explains why they were so calm," I mumbled. "Which raises another question: why were they calm with the Republic boarding the station?"

"Maybe Malak assumed the droids would take care of us," Zhar offered an explanation.

"Maybe," I nodded, stepping over the corpses and continuing down the corridor. _Or maybe they were scouts, or sent to set up an ambush at the lift, too late however. Anyway, that would mean a much bigger party's coming our way._ We emerged in another large shaft, but this time – to my relief - we didn't have to cross it, but to go around it.

And I was right. In the distance we could see a large group of dark Jedi and Sith troops marching towards us.

I glanced to our right and frowned at the shaft. Then I looked over my shoulder. "Soldiers, keep back and take down the troopers. Try to stand as far from the edge as you can," I instructed them, before using the Force to form a Force shield around me. Jolee, Juhani and Zhar followed suit.

The way to the last lift was bloody and tough. It seemed as if Malak suddenly changed the tactics he'd been using so far and decided to send all his men against us. Just as the last of the enemies fell down, another run to meet us.

With slow progress and few minor injuries on our side we managed to push them back far enough for the soldier to slip inside the corridor leading to the lift. "Juhani, go help them clean the way. We'll cover the rear," I ordered the Cathar, while slowly backing to the corridor and deflecting blaster bolts.

Juhani nodded and her blue lightsaber quickly disappeared from my vision. Her hasty steps were echoing behind us as we too started slowly backing into the corridor.

With us inside, all of our enemies were right between us and the seemingly endless dark pit. To free one of my hands I threw my lightsaber at the nearest dark Jedi. The Sith skilfully dodged it, jumping in the air in order to do so, but the weave of the Force mercilessly swept him, and the others, off the floor. Stretching my hand upwards I caught my lightsaber and deactivated it.

Master Zhar at my left relaxed as well. He frowned and let his hands fall to his sides wordlessly.

Jolee, on the other hand, turned to me and took a breath to speak. "I wouldn't want to be on your bad side."

A corner of my lips perked up slightly. "No, you wouldn't," I agreed silently while wiping the sweat off my forehead with the back of my hand. All three of us turned around simultaneously and calmly followed our team. We could hear the sounds of firing in front of us, but before we could actually be in sight of others, they became silent.

T3 was the first one to greet us when we joined the rest of our team. He was just hiding the flamethrower back into his small body, rocking from side to side proudly.

I smiled. "Yeah, I can smell them. You grilled them right proper," I said. After I praised the little droid, I felt a gentle nudge in the back. When I turned around, no one was behind me. I smiled, hoping I was looking at HK. "Don't worry, your time will come," I promised him silently, before following others into the lift.

"What should we expect outside?" Zhar asked once we were on our way up.

"Empty corridor, if we're lucky, a door and a command centre," I answered. "We're going to be almost on the top of the station, there's not much room for anything except the centre. Well…there's my former room, the observatory and the upper hangar," I listed. And frowned. _The upper hangar_,_ I'm wondering what I'm going to find there._

The lift started shaking suddenly and we could hear sounds of explosion from somewhere beneath us.

"What was that?" one of the soldiers asked.

"The Republic," Jolee answered.

"Do you think they have destroyed the Sith fleet?" Juhani asked him.

"Don't think so," I said, frowning. "There were far too many ships."

The lift stopped and the door opened. Zhar was the first one out. He approached the door on the other side of the corridor and leaned closer to listen. He probably didn't hear anyone, because he opened it.

The command centre was a large room with a high ceiling. Along the walls were dozens of computers, panels and consoles. In its middle was a huge holographic Star Forge with hundreds of tiny lights around it; red for the Republic forces, blue for the Sith fleet.

It was peculiar to find it empty. I had always kept some soldiers here and people to operate the Star Forge. And Malak was not stupid to leave the station unmanned either, nor was he so compassionate to send his men somewhere to safety. No, there was another explanation, and somehow just the thought of what it might be, stirred a really unpleasant foreboding in me.

Others, however, didn't find it suspicious at all. Just as I ordered them, Jolee and Juhani went to the computers, T3 at their heels, to shut off the Star Forge's weapon systems. The soldiers were minding their own soldierly business. Zhar and Carth joined my side, lifting their heads up to see the large plan of the battle outside. "The Republic needs helps," Carth reflected.

"It's a pity Bastila's not in a condition to use her Battle meditation," Zhar stated simply. He didn't mean it, but the innocent comment made me feel guilty again. I frowned and turned away from the plan. "T3, the communication. I want the Sith fighters blind as soon as possible."

"Area secured, sir," one of the soldiers approached Carth. When I looked at him, his eyes were focused on me behind his helmet. They moved away as soon as they met mine though.

And only for that I couldn't resist. "Securing an empty room, hm…well done, soldier.

"Revan…" Carth started in a warning voice.

"What? I've just complimented one of your men. You should be proud," I said with my eyebrows raised. Then I looked at the soldier again. "Keep up the good work. If you'll excuse me now." I turned away from them. "Jolee, Juhani?"

"The systems are off," the Cathar answered with a smile. "T3's now working on the communication."

The astromech droid turned his head from the console he was linked with and beeped merrily. Then he disengaged from the console and made his way to the centre of the room.

I nodded and focused my attention on Master Zhar. "I trust you to lead all of them back to the hangar safely, Master. Gather everyone in the ship and leave the station. Don't wait for me."

Zhar glowered slightly, his eyes travelling to the door and back to me again. "Are you sure?"

I nodded. "You've seen how far it is to the hangar. It will be faster if I find my own way out of here. After all, this is a factory full of ships."

He shook his head. "I meant, are you sure you don't want anyone to go with you?"

"This is my battle, Master. Or rather…this is my mess. And I'm not entirely helpless, you know; I've got something up my sleeve," I smiled at him. "Besides, if I can't defeat th…him, I can at least make him busy, while the Republic…" I trailed off, not daring to say the last piece. "But it won't come to that," I added instead.

Zhar nodded and rested his hand on my shoulder. "May the Force be with you, Adrianne."

I grimaced. "Oh, don't say it like I'm already six feet under."

The Star Forge started shaking again. I looked up at the holograph; it was the Republic that had the upper hand now. The Sith fighters were trying their best, but their formations were more disorganized and more and more blue dots were disappearing from the large plan. "Dodonna's quick," I mumbled.

The station rocked again and the blast was followed by the wailing alarm.

"We're wasting our time," I said and turned around. I wanted to leave command centre, but a firm hand grasped my elbow and whirled me back around. I slipped my hand between me and Carth to stop me from hitting him. "You're not going there alone," he said, frowning and looking me in the eyes. The warmth was gone, only worries remained.

"Of course I am. Do you want to die?" I asked him, aware that everyone was looking at us right now; the crew with sympathy, the rest with questions in their eyes and Zhar with deadpan expression.

"I don't want you to die."

Despite everything, the remote explosions, the shaking floor under my feet, the knot in my chest and the high possibility of inevitable death, I smiled at him. "Trust me. Just for once, trust me. I have a plan," I whispered and freed myself from his grasp. I turned my back to him, looking at Master Zhar, but before I could say anything, Carth spoke up again.

"I trust you. But you're forgetting something, Revan. We have our orders too."

I narrowed my eyes, taking a slow breath. "What orders?" I asked, slowly turning back to him.

"But you know. We're here to make sure you wouldn't side with Malak in the last moment," Carth said.

I shifted my weight. "I'm going to kill Malak, don't worry," I hissed, clenching my teeth.

"I know it, you know it, but the Admiral was worried."

"The Admiral can kiss my a..."

"And just between you and me, I have my worries too," Carth didn't let me finish, leaning closer to me, "as to the other Sith. I want to..."

"No!" I yelled at him immediately. "You don't want anything. And you're definitely not coming anywhere near that animal. Haven't you seen what he's done to Bastila?"

"Only what that Sith back on Endire Spire did to you."

I shook my head and lowered my voice. "No," I hissed. "He hurt her to hurt me," I said silently, omitting the fact he'd been trying to escape and Bastila had probably attempted to stop him. "He knew about the bond we share and that's why he targeted her. He will kill you if you show up there," I said silently, pointing somewhere behind me.

For a second Carth seemed to smile. "Good news then. You and I don't share a bond," he said, leaning away from me to make enough space to fold his hand over his chest.

I looked at him as if he'd gone crazy. "I don't have time for that," I growled. "If you haven't noticed, this station's minutes from being blown to hell and you're being so unbearably stubborn, you…you…" I gestured towards him helplessly, unable to find the right word to describe him, "...you nerfherder!"

Then I let my arms fell beside my hips and my head followed the motion. When I lifted it again, I looked at him with an urgent plea. "Don't go. Please, let your men handle it."

"Would you have stayed on your ship if Malak had asked you to let someone else board Mandalore's ship and handle him?" Carth replied with question.

I could tell defeat when I met one. I frowned and took a breath. "HK," I said in a cold voice. Carth lifted his eyebrows and his eyes moved away, falling on the rusty droid that had appeared by my side.

"Do you need someone killed, Master?" he asked promptly, his wary eyes contemplating the republic soldiers standing nearby. I glanced at them too, and although I couldn't see their faces clearly, I could tell from their body language the droid's appearance took them aback.

"Some_thing_," I corrected the droid, my eyes linked with Carth's again. "Do you remember the…computers along the way to the observatory?"

"Affirmative: Of course, Master. You never liked these particular droids."

"Since none of soldiers know what they're up against, could you be so kind as to go with them and help them destroy the droids? When you're done, wait for me in front of the lift. Under no circumstances let them go up to the observatory without me," I said and shot the droid a stern look, breaking the eye contact with Carth.

"Affirmative: As you wish, Master," he nodded.

I took the matter as settled. "Zhar," I spoke up while already crossing the command centre, "take the rest back to the ship."

"And where do you think you're going?" Carth asked when I headed the opposite way than my droid.

I shook my head. The precious time was uncontrollably slipping through my fingers with every shake and explosion. There was no time to explain. "Trust me," I uttered simply. He made an attempt to call me again, but I ignored him, disappearing behind a door. I quickened my pace while going down the corridor. I had to hurry.

When I stepped inside my former room, a wave of nostalgia swept over me. All my things were left as they had been the last time I was here. Malak had probably never bothered to actually visit this room.

But when I looked closely I noticed that this wasn't true. My weapons were gone, so was my armour. "Damned, I could have used it," I complained loudly when I went deeper into the room.

On the opposite side of it there was other exit from it which led to the very top of the Star Forge; the upper hangar where I had always had my ship in case I would have to need to leave the station as quickly as possible.

The ground was shaking violently. Faint explosions were ringing through the station with increasing rate and power, making me a little restless and calm at once. I knew I had little time, and yet the though of dying didn't seem as terrifying as it should.

_Maybe because I won't die here,_ I tried to reassure myself taking a slow breath when I felt the lift started slowing down. The door opened and I entered a small hangar, just large enough for two ships approximately of the size of the Ebon Hawk.

And the ship was there.

"I knew I'd seen it before," I realized when I stepped from the lift, making my way towards the ship; it wasn't large, nor was it quick, but it still had what it took to travel through the hyperspace. Raenah had used it to escape us on Lehon, but now I was here to make sure it wouldn't help him this time.

There was little time though. They were waiting for me, I had to act quickly. I broke into run.

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><p>Horay, another update, took me long time I know, blame the exams :) I'll try to be quicker about the next chapters. Thank you for your patience and reading, hope you like it :)<p> 


	35. Alone and abandoned

Disclaimer: I don't own Kotor, but Adrianne is mine, heh.

A word, before you start reading: you've probably figured on your own that I really, really am not good in writing action stuff (battles and so on), so this chapter was quite a challenge for me. Even thought it still could be better, I tried my best, so put the torches away ^_^

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><p>The walls were black and bore signs of being burnt; computers producing star forge droids were shot to pieces. Wires and cables sticking out of the broken devices were still sparking and smouldering. Remnants of the droids were lying scattered left and right, and I couldn't help but notice how skilfully HK had got rid of them. It'd taken him just a single well-aimed shot to cut off their circuits and therefore the power. As little time as he had spent here, he apparently knew much more about the Star Forge than I did.<p>

I smiled when I joined the waiting soldiers, though I completely ignored them. "You did a great job, HK," I looked at the droid who was standing with his back to the lift, guarding it.

"Commentary: I never miss any target, Master. Whenever you need someone eliminated, you can rely on my assa..."

"Yeah, yeah, I know," I cut him off before he managed to tell the republic soldiers there was an assassin droid in former Darth Revan's possession. And when I made a step towards him, he promptly moved out of my way and followed obediently when I got in the lift.

My eyes fell on Carth when he stepped inside as well. "So? What is your plan?" I asked him when the lift was set into motion.

"Plan?" Carth repeated. "You know it."

"No, I don't. And I'm curious. How do you intend to _stop me from siding with him_? Because, let's be honest, once the fight starts, you won't be much of a help to me. If I wanted, I could slaughter all of you, right now, right here, without actually breaking a sweat."

"Commentary: Can you hear that, meatbag? One wrong move..."

I rolled my eyes. "I was speaking hypothetically, HK, I'm not going to hurt them," I had to disappoint the droid. "The fact still remains, thought. You are helpless when it comes to fighting a Force-user...especially while they're wielding lightsaber. How could Dodonna think you'd stop me?"

Carth frowned and a dark shadow covered his face. "If that's what you want, there's nothing anyone could do to stop you," he whispered in low voice.

"So you really think me capable of doing that," I stated and put on my best Bastila-like expression. I felt the lift started slowing down, so before it stopped and the door slid open I touched my droid's elbow. "Activate the stealth generator. And wait for my order."

The observatory was a large room with a raised platform along the walls for better view. To our left I could see the large door leading to the upper hangar, so that anyone in here could leave the station whenever needed. Apart from that there wasn't much to be seen.

"There are two of them?" one of the soldiers wondered when we exited the lift.

Their attention was flicking between Raenah standing on the platform, watching the battle outside, and Malak under the platform, sitting on his heels with his head bend down.

"Is he meditating?" another soldier whispered, but I knew better. That was Malak we were talking about; just like me, he had never been fond of meditating even when he'd been still a Jedi. Something was wrong.

"Revan, wait…!" Carth tried to catch my hand, but I was too fast for him. I crossed the room in quick steps and approached Malak with bated breath. "Oh, Alek," I whispered and closed my eyes for a second. Bending my head I crouched beside him. I touched his cheek only to find it already cold. "I'm so sorry, Alek. You didn't deserve to die this way, so...alone and abandoned. You didn't deserve any of this," I whispered and lifted my hand to close his lifeless hawk-like eyes. I let my fingers slide down his face and touch the cool artificial jaw.

_No...he was my enemy. He tried to kill me! You mustn't feel sorry for him. He was my...he was my..._

As if in dream, suddenly my other hand was cupping the jaw and I was leaning closer, until my forehead touched his. I closed my eyes firmly. "You had the entire Star Forge at your disposal...all its power, all its droids...and you still let him kill you, you asshole!" What started as a soft whisper ended up in a loud scream and hot-tempered shove; the body fell to the floor with a silent thud.

"And now..." a cold voice said, "now I can feel you, human. The anger, the hatred...You Jedi are indeed a weird sort," Raenah went on while I was slowly coming to him, "I hurt your friend, but it didn't move you half as much as a death of your enemy. What logic is that?"

I clenched my teeth while I was approaching him. He wasn't moving, his slightly narrowed eyes were focused on the battle. Only after I stopped beside him and turned to look from the window as well he acknowledged my presence by smirking. "Do you remember the you were wondering about on the planet? Well, you took mine, so I took his."

"His body's already cold," I stated.

Raenah snorted. "I told you the Star Forge was ours," he informed me.

I torn my eyes off the hell outside and turned my head to look at him, then continued the motion to glance over my shoulder. The soldiers were watching us intently through the sights of their guns, ready to open fire at Carth's order, nothing unexpected. It was the pilot's stance that made me smile softly; his gun was aimed at his feet, his eyes sunk into Raenah and me, and even over the distance I could feel his fear. He was more afraid than I was at the moment. "Was," I echoed Raenah's words, turning my attention to him. "Now it's lost. You've lost. The Republic isn't as weak as you thought," I added.

He shook his head slowly. "This is not the Republic. It's you I have underestimated," he growled and waved his hand towards the enormous fleet crushing his forces. "None of the fools would have ever found this place, hadn't you showed them. They would have never stood a chance without your actions here on the Star Forge. Without you the station would have never fallen."

I snorted. "Poor you. I wouldn't want to be in your shoes when you return to your Master as a one big failure."

"What is it, human? A mockery?" he muttered and I could feel the anger in him started burning.

"Just the truth, Raenah. We both know what the award is for letting down a Sith Master such as yours."

"There is still a way to appease him. That's why I'm still on this forsaken thing," he hissed and slowly turned his face to me.

"And what is it?" I asked, though I already knew the answer. For a second we were just staring into each other's eyes then his hands moved. Jumping back I avoided the red blade, while initiating my lightsabers to parry Raenah's next blow at my right shoulder. I moved to left, whirling around him, but before I could finish the move to position behind his back, his free hand caught me by my waist. My eyes widened when I realized he made a step forward, pushing me to the edge. My feet slipped off the platform, but just before I fell I managed to slip my hand around his body and at least took him with me.

The cold floor came to meet us quickly, knocking my breath out. I heard a silent, growling yelp when Raenah hit the floor next to me. I wanted to hit him with the hilt of my lightsaber, but my palms were empty.

I opened my eyes to look around only to see a shadow of the Sith's red fist land straight on my face. I heard a cracking sound and a bolt of pain blinded me for a second. Instinctively I rolled away from Raenah and sprung to my feet.

Raenah was on his feet as well. His right arm was outstretched to catch a lightsaber he was pulling with the Force. I darted forward and managed to catch the lightsaber before it reached to him. I initiated it and flung it against him, while already searching the floor for another. An inhuman snarl attracted my attention back to the Sith, with the second lightsaber already safely in my hand again. He was holding his left arm where the blade had scratched him while he was reaching for the last lightsaber not far from him. Despite the slash he'd managed to arm himself; he was clutching the last lightsaber in his palm tightly.

I nimbly caught the returning lightsaber and allowed my hand to fall to my hips. "Don't say a little pain can stop you," I said, trying to blink away the tears in my eyes due to the hurting nose. I could feel the blood slowly trickle down my face, over my lips. And when I'd started speaking, I could taste it as well. "We're just getting started," I added and spit the blood on the floor. Then I wiped it off my face with the back of my hand.

"I'm not the one crying," he mocked me and I noticed his eyes moved to the side, focusing on the soldiers. "I was looking forward to this," he whispered.

"Over my dead body," I hissed.

He smiled, the tendrils on his face twitching. A silent chuckle escaped his lips. He initiated his lightsaber and, mimicking my action, threw it at me. I lifted my left blade to parry it, while he was rushing towards me. He jumped, catching the lightsaber in the air and striking at my shoulder with all his force when he landed. I put my lightsaber in the way and when the two blades collided his blow sent my arm away, opening a free way to my body. My eyes widened when I realized that and I managed to position the other lightsaber to protect myself just in time to stop his other strike. This was just as strong as the previous one and I could feel I was losing my balance. So I fell on my back, using the momentum to help me roll over my shoulder and jump back to my feet further away from him.

Determined not go give me a pause, he closed the distance, but I was expecting his blow this time, parrying it with both of my lightsabers, crossing them and trapping his blade for a moment just long enough for me to kick him in the stomach. His breath caught in his throat and he bent over instinctively. I whirled around and used the speed to slam my heel into his face and send him staggering back.

However, when I lunged at him again, he used the Force to knock me off to buy himself some time. When I landed safely on my feet, he was already standing and worse off, he was on his way to the soldiers.

"Don't!"I tried to warn them not to shoot at him, but they had already opened fire. Raenah's lightsaber was making a bright red fan the way the Sith was whirling it wildly, deflecting all the bolts back at them.

When he was just dozen meters from them, he leapt in the air. And I knew I would never make it in time...

"HK!"

Another bolt appeared as if out of nowhere and managed to strike the Sith in the middle of his chest after he drew his arms back, ready to strike. The blast knocked him down.

When he hit the floor I used the Force to pull his lightsaber to me, fastening it on my belt when I positioned myself between him and the soldiers. I watched him slowly scramble to his feet and frowned; Raenah's armour had absorbed most of the damage.

"Again, HK," I whispered and the droid obeyed without hesitation, sending a set of bolts towards the Sith. Since Raenah had nothing to deflect the bolts, they hit him in exactly the same spot, penetrating the armour at last and sending him on the floor again.

"Commentary: That was cruel and unfair, Master. He had no way to defend himself. I like your style."

"Thank you, HK," I smiled slightly, looking over my shoulder. "Take a few steps back everyone," I ordered, just in case. The soldiers hesitated, but when Carth repeated the command, they did as they were told.

This time it took him much longer to hoist himself up. He looked down at his torso and lifted his hand to touch the edge of the wound. His eyes flashed angrily when he locked them with mine. He fisted his hands and his eyes moved downwards, resting on Malak's lightsaber on my belt.

The Star Forge was shaking again, more violently than before.

He was breathing heavily through his mouth in shaky gasps and I could see the blood on his teeth. Slowly it started brimming over his lips and down his chin. In slow motion he lifted his hand and wiped it off. "So…" he said in a tired voice, "why don't you finish me off?" he asked. "Do you need others to do your dirty work for you? Come closer and kill me yourself, you human scum!" he hissed.

I laughed at him. "So that you could drain my energy and add it to yours like back on Korriban? Sorry, not happening. I may not know half of what you know about the dark side, but I've still managed to pick up a few things to know the Forde drain doesn't work over large distances."

My last words were drowned in the sound of another explosion and when the Star Forge quaked again, Raenah winced and brought his hand to his chest again, shutting his eyes tightly and visibly clenching his teeth in pain.

A corner of my mouth perked up a little. "You cannot imagine what pleasure it brings me to see you this way. However, I'm not you. I will give you one last chance to save your life."

He opened his eyes again, focusing them on me.

"There's a hangar above us," I started and had to raise my voice so that he would hear me over the blasts. "I'm sure you have your ship there. If you're quick enough, you might escape the explosion," I offered and turned around. I beckoned the soldiers to follow me when I made my first step towards the lift.

"What? You're going to let him live?" Carth asked incredulously, whirling around when I passed him by.

"I'm not going to kill an unarmed opponent," I said simply and a cruel smile crossed my lips.

"Commentary: For once I find myself in agreement with your meatbag, Master. I suggest using my assassination protocols to eliminate this troublesome meatbag once and for all!" HK added his voice.

"Firstly, even thought I'm glad that you two _finally_ see eye to eye, my answer is still no," I stood my ground, hoping no one heard him talking about his protocols. "And don't refer to Carth as _my_ meatbag in the future," I added in silent voice. Stupid droid.

When we were in the lift, before the door slid closed, I caught a glimpse of Raenah. He was desperately trying to reach the door to the hangar. I smirked and sent the lift downwards.

"Statement: The question of possessing a certain person…"

"HK," I cut him off, not bothering to even look at him. "Just shut up, okay?"

"So tell me…" Carth started," is there any probability he might get to that ship you mentioned?" he asked.

I smiled at him. "Quite high. He's tough." I said and nearly laughed at the expression he gave me. "Don't worry though. Either way, he'll die. While you were waiting for me, I took the liberty of damaging the ship before I joined you."

"You did what?" Carth asked when we exited the lift. Instead of answering right away, I motioned him and his men to quickly follow me and crossed the command centre. Only after we were in the lift and I made it take us several levels down, I spoke up again. "Damaged the ship. The hyperdrive, the shields and the life support," I said proudly and looked at him. "He's as good as dead. And so are we, if we don't find a ship of our own very soon," I added impatiently when the lift stopped and I walked out of it.

Following my lead we made our way through the maze of corridors, and in no time we found ourselves in another hangar full of brand new ships that were waiting for being taken to battle.

We boarded one of the ships in a hurry and Carth sent his men to "frackin' take us out of this goddamned thing".

This ship was made for only four-membered crew, which meant one of us had to stand. Two of Carth's men took the pilot's and the co-pilot's seat. I moved to occupy another and, after being ordered by Carth, the last soldier took the fourth seat, leaving Carth to stand between us.

While the ship was taking off, I tried to strap myself in the seat, but Carth crouched beside me and took the belts from my hands. I smiled, watching him work. "My nose is broken, not my hands," I reminded him.

He didn't say anything at that, just finished the job and turned away from me to talk to the pilot. "Send out the republic distress signal so that they wouldn't fire on us," he suggested.

The pilot nodded and co-pilot carried out his order.

Somehow it was a breathtaking sight. Hundreds of ships and fighters positioned around the Star Forge in almost perfect circle, firing at the station red, green and white blasts like it was nothing but a laser show. Then one of them broke the circle, receding from the station and other followed it, hurrying from the explosion that was raging behind us. Our own ship got enveloped in bright blue light just as the flames swallowed us. I closed my eyes, gripping the sides of my seat tightly as if it could somehow ease the shaking, but it was the pilot who managed to take us from the hell. And when the soldiers started cheering loudly, I smiled and relaxed, enjoying the feeling that run through my body. My smile grew broader. He was dead. _It's over…_ I let out a long breath of relief.

I unfastened my belt and stood up. Carth's eyes followed me when I disappeared in the corridor while dragging HK behind me.

"Statement: Something you need, Master?" he asked when I stopped at the very end of the corridor, right next to the airlock.

I shook my head. "Just want to give you a warning. For a…not really sure how long exactly, we're going to be in a constant presence of someone from the Republic. Do you know what it means?"

"Incessant bullying and chivvying, Master?"

At first I thought I'd misheard. "What? No! Where did you get that one?"

"From you, Master. Once I overheard your discussion with the bald meatbag about the Republic. You used the exact words, Master. "

I shifted my weight, decided to drop the topic. "From now on I want you to stop asking me if I need someone killed or speaking about someone's demise in general. Partly you are a protocol droid, so assume the role for some time."

HK's bright orange eyes turned much darker colour as he turned his head from side to side. "Statement: The protocolar part of my protocols is ability to communicate over six hundred languages."

I smiled. "Great. Then speak a different language from time to time."

"Commentary: Master, my verbal capabilities in that matter are reduced to short verbal warnings when killing non-Basic-speaking targets. You, however, have just forbidden me to make any threats or speak of death. That makes your last order…" he paused, turning head from side to side again, "…highly problematic."

"Okay, forget that order. Both of them, actually Just don't give away your true purpose, okay? Just…play my guard, or something."

"Query: Why didn't you say that straight out, Master?" he asked me as if I was the moron here.

I frowned at the droid. "One day I'm getting you reprogrammed, HK, to something very peaceful and life-respecting."

"High time, I say," Carth spoke up, appearing by HK's side, looking at me with a grin. "Anyway, we're getting escorted to the hangar, so it's probably time for HK to start to behave. And," he added, touching me lightly on my chin and turning my head to him, "for you to clean all that blood. You look terrible. Not to mention your nose is turning this pretty ugly shade of blue as well."

Ignoring the second part, I took a slow breath: "The blood has dried. I need water."

"And kolto. Or Jolee. Does it hurt?" he asked in much softer tone, leaning closer to me to examine my face. I pulled away. "Just a little," I admitted, making a step back to put some distance between us. "Carth, what are you going to tell Dodonna?" I asked suddenly. "About Raenah?"

"Nothing. As far as I know there was only one Sith Lord terrorising this galaxy."

"And your men?" I tossed my head towards the cockpit.

"All they saw was a red-skinned man. It could be…well…any alien with red skin," he shrugged.

I frowned and looked away, unsure. On the one hand it was good no one knew about the Sith Empire. It would only cause needless panic and chaos. On the other hand I was little convinced a blissful ignorance was any helpful here. Of course, I could always try to talk to the Council, but again – what good would that do? And there still remained the fact the Republic was simply not ready for another war. It would take years, decades before it could face such an enemy.

"Revan?" he asked after my pause.

"Maybe it's for the best," I whispered eventually, feeling the ship begun to tremble. That was a sign it slowed down. We had to be in a hangar.

Few seconds later the ship went still and the ramp next to us started lowering. Carth motioned me to go first, but I shook my head and suddenly regretted not wearing something with a hood.

Carth shrugged and looked towards the cockpit. He waited until all his men were out and then left the ship as well.

"Come HK, let's face the public condemnation," I said and tried my best to sound cheerfully, but the prospect of people's reaction was making me uneasy.

There was a sort of welcoming party sent to bring us to the bridge. However, Carth sent one of the three who'd been with us on the Star Forge to see me to the infirmary, for which I was infinitely grateful.

We didn't talk during the journey. The soldier was walking in front of me and didn't seem to care whether I was following him or not. HK was walking beside me, the sound of his steps echoing down the empty corridors; the crew members were probably all still at their posts. The few we met, however, were giving me and my droid strange looks. Frankly, that had to be quite a sigh. Blue face, bloody, with dirty clothes, sweaty...and with three lightsaber on top of that, which gave away I was a Jedi, thus not one of them.

Just as the corridors, the infirmary was almost empty as well. During space battles the score usually was unharmed or dead. The only patient here was Bastila, who was talking with Jolee and Mission. From the corner of my eye I spotted a nurse standing next to the door, but I completely ignored her and rushed to the bed. "You're up," I blurted out and Bastila, sitting on the bed, smiled at me. She was pale and there was weariness in her eyes, but she seemed at peace.

I wanted to sit down on the bed as well, but Jolee promptly grasped me by my elbows and pulled me to my feet before I actually touched the white sheets. "Lass, look at yourself. You'd stain it. And where you doing again?" he asked in feigned annoyance and placed his hand above my face. I heard Mission's soft giggling when I closed my eyes to enjoy the familiar warmth spreading through my face. And just as it was slowly flooding me, the pain was fading away.

"Won a glorious duel, if you must know," I answered him.

"Won..." Mission repeated. "So they are dead."

I nodded. "Yes, both of them. The war is over," I whispered and touched my nose after Jolee was done.

"Good work, Adrianne," Bastila smiled at me. I wanted to return the gesture, but when I turned my face to her, my eyes fell on the bandaged stump she head for her right arm. Her own smile died on her lips as she followed my look. "I can still feel it," she said silently. "It's not here, but I swear to you I can still feel it. Bizarre, isn't it?" she asked.

I shook my head. "A lot of people experience similar feelings," I replied after a second of hesitation, for lack of anything better to say.

"They'll make you a new one," Mission tried to cheer Bastila up. She reached out and touched the Jedi on her other hand, squeezing lightly.

The young woman nodded. "I know. Maybe that's why I'm not really bothered by the loss," she added.

I bent my head. "I am," I whispered. Jolee rested his hand on my shoulder.

"Then don't be," Bastila scowled at me. "I shouldn't have come to him in the first place. There was reason why you'd wanted him under the lock and guarded."

"You…came to him?" I asked confusedly.

She nodded and her eyes focused on the droid behind me. "I noticed HK was standing in front of the closed door, instead of inside. So I wanted to check on the Sith to see what he was doing. He was...well...it looked like he was meditating, but there was nothing serene about him. And...I was used to feeling your presence, through our bond, but suddenly I felt him as well...and his intentions."

"He wanted to kill me?" I guessed and she nodded. "And I made the mistake of trying to kill him first."

"Still, if I had got rid of him just as you all had wanted me to, none of this would have happened," I uttered.

Jolee shook his head slowly. "Nothing happens without its purpose," he reminded me and Bastila nodded. "The ways of the Force are complicated," she said. "Maybe both of us were supposed to learn something from it. At least I know I have."

I bit my lip, unable to resist. "Well, you're less prissy, that's true."

Mission opened her mouth in surprise and the expression then turned into a broad smile.

"Prissy?" Bastila repeated in slightly raised voice. That was a change; the last time I'd called her that she'd been all stoic and Jedi-like. And then she laughed. "You never change, do you?"

I shook my head, finally smiling as well. "No. But that doesn't mean this hasn't taught me anything. Next time I'm going to the Unknown Regions, I'm not taking anyone with me. Well, maybe HK. And T3," I admitted.

"Commentary: I don't think bringing the little useless droid would be helpful Master."

"What a simple _guard_ like you could now about whether or not T3 would be useful?" I asked him. "Anyway, thank you for your opinion."

Mission's grin was suddenly gone. "Wait, you're going to return there?" she asked, an incredulous expression on her face.

"Raenah was just a vanguard. There are more dangerous things lurking out there. It won't be anytime soon, however. I don't remember where to look for them," I added as if it was any comfort.

"You must talk to the Council," Bastila said.

I frowned. "They didn't listen to me the last time. Why would they...wait a sec, haven't we already had this discussion?" I mused.

"The Republic needs to…"

"…gather its strength," I cut her off. "It can't go from one war to another."

"And whose fault would it be?" an angry voice said behind us. An angry _familiar _voice. My eyes widened when I whirled around. I was facing the nurse I'd passed by. She was tall, with dark skin and eyes that were looking at me with stern expression. Her full lips were pressed into a thin line. She was frowning.

That was the first time I'd ever seen her frowning this way before.

"Adrianne, that's…"Bastila started saying, but I silenced her with a gesture of my hand. "Jasmine…" I whispered, afraid to add anything else.

"That's my name," she said after a while of quiet. "But how should I call you? I guess Raven, the _best part of it_, as you called it, never even existed. Traitor, maybe? How about a liar?" she spat out in a venomous tone I'd never heard her using.

"Jasmine, that's…"

"No! I don't want to hear anything," she cut me off. "I don't want to hear your lies anymore."

"Lies, but...Jasmine, I wasn't lying," I blurted out. "I didn't know the truth. I've told you. Please..."

Her eyes narrowed. "Don't beg. I don't believe you. They always called Rev... you a mastermind. How can I know that wasn't some game of yours from the very beginning? You might have been spying on us for all I know."

I simply shook my head, not being able to do anything else. This was exactly what I'd been so afraid.

She clenched her jaw and looked at Bastila. "Just go," she said in a weak voice. "Your friend needs rest and I...just get out."

"But…" I started, but Jolee took my by my shoulders and was already shoving me to the door. "Better go, lass," he whispered into my ear.

...

The water splashed over my face, dripping crimson in the white washbasin. I filled my palms again and rubbed them against my face to clean it. Hesitantly I lifted my eyes to the woman in the mirror. The blood was finally gone, and with the nose healed the bruise had faded away as well. Despite that she looked weary and tired. "Shouldn't you be happy?" I asked in quiet voice. "It's over. At least for now, but still," I tried to convince her. I even smiled at her, but she repaid me the gesture with a sad one.

"I give up," I said and dried my face into my sleeve. "This is supposed to be a moment of my victory; instead it has a rather bitter taste. That's not fair, damned!" I growled and hung my head while leaning against the washbasin with my hands.

At that the door slid open and Jolee appeared in the doorframe. "Are you alright?" he asked, looking at me with calm expression while Mission, who was peeking over his shoulder, seemed curious.

"Yes," I said curtly. A lie, and not very plausible one. Carth was right; I was the worse liar ever.

"I heard you screaming. Are you sure?"

I closed my eyes firmly. "She was my friend."

"And?"

"Hell, she used to be my shrink. She was supposed to know me and yet she didn't bat an eyelash and…" I trailed off, leaving the end of the sentence unsaid.

"No one is loved by all."

I sighed. "I don't need to be loved by all, just…few."

"We love you," Mission said cheerfully. I looked at her and she flashed me a broad smile.

I couldn't help, but give her a smile of my own. "Thank you, Mission."

Jolee went deeper in the bathroom and wrapped a hand around my shoulders. "Brace yourself, lass. You're probably going to get that a lot," he started saying, leading me outside.

I looked at him sadly. "I know."

"But in time," he went on, "I have no doubts you'll show them their opinion about you is wrong. But don't try to convince them with words. That will never work."

"Yeah," Mission nodded. "Once they see your real you..." she didn't finish, hoping it might comfort me.

"And what is the real me? A monster who destroyed her own homeworld?" I uttered.

She frowned at me in disapproval. "But that was Malak's fault, not yours."

I raised my eyebrows. "And how about conquering the Republic for no apparent reason? Damn! I've built myself an assassin," I said and tossed my head to the droid. "You know that's why I used to love wearing the mask," I added. "I knew my decisions wouldn't please everyone, actually would anger a lot of people, but…I didn't want this. I…I never bombarded any world, never attacked a civilian area. I only used brutal force when necessary. I admit, I sent HK to assassinate few people, but only because they were making wrong decision that could harm the Republic in the long term, or I needed my men in their stead," I was defending myself, as if my friends were here to judge me.

Jolee's arm around my shoulders tightened. "You can't predict how people will treat you based on reaction of a single person."

I sighed, knowing he was right. "Still, I can't help but be afraid. Hell, I've spent half of my life being afraid, was just good in hiding it," I shrugged.

"Of what?" Jolee asked with a hint of amusement in his voice.

"I was a very, very bad apprentice and Padawan and even worse Jedi, Jolee. I was terrified of the day my teachers would find out," I started and the memories of all the mischiefs and troubles I'd been causing made me smile. "And during the war? Each time before battle I spent like hours in my cabin, just staring in the mirror, but actually not seeing my reflection, trying to simply calm myself."

"That's understandable."

"I don't want to keep on living like that," I whispered. "I want a new life. A life where no one would know me and people would ignore me on the streets."

"And who says you can't have this life?" Mission asked. "As a kid, I was dreaming about lots of things that seemed impossible at the moment, but later..." she shrugged, "well, the dreams came true."

"Just listen to the girl," Jolee whispered in my ear. "She's wiser than she looks, for a kid."

"Hey! I heard that," she laughed and punched Jolee's arm playfully.

"You know what?" I asked, more myself than them, "you're right. And I'm incredibly pathetic. Hell..." I bit my lip and laughed. Until I noticed the door in front of which we stopped. I groaned and looked at Jolee. "The bridge?" I asked him.

"You must at least greet the Admiral, lass," Jolee said and opened the door.

"And here I was hoping for several days of undisturbed sleep. Seems I have to settle for talking to the Admiral," I stated when we entered the bridge. It looked exactly like the one on the Endire Spire, only little larger. The atmosphere here was cheerful, everyone was smiling and they were generally happy, with the war finally finished. I was glad for that, because they didn't seem to notice us when we appeared there, and when we were passing by their posts, they just looked at us casually. Some of them greeted Mission thought, but that was all.

"Searching for someone?" Jolee asked silently, when he noticed me looking around.

"I was hoping to see Carth here. I need to to talk to him," I whispered back, disappointed the pilot was no longer here. But I spotted Master Zhar. I nodded at him when we passed him by and approached the Admiral.

She smiled at me and held out a hand, which I accepted. "Admiral," I bowed my head in respect. "I must congratulate you on the results of the battle."

"I was told your actions allowed us to finally break their formations," she returned the praise, just a sickening formal gesture, thought somehow necessary in such a discussion.

I smiled. "Thank you, Admiral. However, a seasoned soldier, such as yourself, surely knows the basic strategic moves, like making the enemy unable to communicate with each other. It was nothing great on my part."

She straightened and put her hands behind her back, the smile never leaving her face. "Anyway, we should be thanking you, Master Jedi."

"I'm no M…"

"Without your efforts, the outcomes of the battle might have been different, and I'm not even talking about the…encounter with the former Lord of the Sith," she reminded me. Carth had probably already given her the report. "The Republic owes you a debt it cannot repay," she continued, "and when we're back on Coruscant you'll be recognized as a hero. The chancellor himself took great interest in you and if I understood his hints correctly, he wants to reward you for your efforts," she went on, and I could read "medal" somewhere on her lips. Useless trinket, as empty as her words, but again…politics. A show for the general public.

I tried my best to keep a serene expression on my face despite my annoyance when I answered: "I'm not sure if I deserve to be awarded for undoing my own deeds, Admiral. If anyone, it's my team that should be honoured this way. I was trying to make peace with my conscience; they were risking their lives for the sake of the Republic itself."

Soft steps sounded behind me when Master Zhar closed the distance between us. "Some of your…actions…were indeed questionable, Adrianne, but it's your redemption that counts. You managed to defeat the greatest challenge a Jedi can ever face; you returned to us from the dark side and I doubt the path was easy," he said and gave me a meaningful look.

I glanced at him, my mind racing. If he wanted it to look like it was solely my self-imposed decision to return to the Jedi Order, maybe it was the wish of the Council not to reveal the real truth behind my redemption…and their dirty methods. Somehow, I suspected it was Atris' idea.

Nevertheless, I bowed before him. "I only hope the high Council's going to be as forgiving as you, Master." Bullshit. I knew they would never forgive me, at least some of the councillors. This was just a one big puppet show and I was the puppet, with the Council pulling the strings. Maybe that was why the ways of the Sith had been much appealing to me and I had decided to return as one of them. Falsehood seemed to be everywhere, but at least, you knew what to expect from the Sith. The Order…they always liked to present themselves as a peacekeepers and protectors, but if anyone would mange to uncover all their dirty secrets…

All these thoughts rushed through my mind in half a heartbeat. Thanks to the Jedi training, however, none of them had mirrored on my face.

"I'm sure it is," Master Zhar replied.

I smiled at him and then turned my attention back to Dodonna. "If you excuse me, Admiral, I'd like to return to my ship and change and…rest for a while."

She waved her hand through the air. "You don't have to spend your time in that tiny ship, Master Jedi. You are my guest and, just like your friends, have been given your own quarters here."

"Thank you, Admiral, but I'd still prefer my own ship," I declined her offer and bowed again.

"HK, we're leaving. Come," I called the droid and spun around. Jolee and Mission had already disappeared, so I made my way to the hangar alone…and managed to get lost twice. Always hated cruisers.

It was strange to find the Ebon Hawk so dark and quiet, completely shut off, and without her crew. I felt sorry for the girl when I slowly walked up the ramp and into the main hold. The silence was almost deafening without the soft humming of the engine or the distant voices. Alone and abandoned.

"Statement: It seems we're the only one who'd prefer to stay on this ship, Master."

"Yeah. But the others have no reason to hide from the republic soldiers," I replied and crossed the main hold, heading to the cockpit to at least turn the lights on, so that I could hit the 'fresher. HK wanted to follow me even there and I had to reassure him I'd be fine and no one would try to drown me to keep him outside.

The water hadn't time to grow cold, for which I was grateful. Having a shower was a way to relax for me, and relaxing was generally impossible when I was cold.

I felt a thousand times better when I left the little room and went to the cargo hold to find something to wear. Unfortunately, the only thing that hadn't been torn, ragged, stained or ruined were Jedi robes. I had never been fond of the ceremonial clothes of the Jedi, since it gave away my relation to the Order. And I'd been avoiding that all my life. I made a face and went to look through Bastila's things. I settled for one of her loose tunics and comfortable trousers. Only when I was dressed I let HK in and then crawled onto the mattresses. I was disappointed to find out the Carth's scent was gone. I sighed and turned to my side. Before I closed my eyes, the last thing I saw were two orange points floating in the air.

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><p>Hey, I was quick, heh :) Thanks for reading and for all your reviews :)<p> 


	36. Let go

Disclaimer: I don't own Kotor._  
><em>

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><p><em>That wasn't my first time on Coruscant, but I was still highly unfamiliar with the planet. The Temple looked much larger, bigger and greater than what I remembered. <em>Eight years,_ I thought when I got off the 'speeder. I wasn't even sure I'd find my way to the Council chamber on my own. With unsteady knees I made my way up the large stairway leading to the enormous entrance to the Temple. People around me were glancing at me, but didn't seem to actually care why I was here. Better that way. To tell the truth, I wasn't sure myself, though I had an idea._

_ The entrance hall was plain with high ceiling and many columns along the walls. My steps were echoing softly as I went forward, my eyes on the person on the other side of the room. A tall Jedi with dark skin and even darker eyes was coming to meet me. I bowed before Master Dorak respectively, eager for anything he might have to say. His face betrayed none of his thoughts when he simply beckoned me to follow him. That sent a cold feeling down my spine. _

_ "You arrived sooner than we anticipated," he said eventually. _

_ "I took the first shuttle I could, Master," I said, still examining my surroundings. The Temple was different from Enclave in every aspect. Where the Enclave was modest and calm, the Temple had a scent of hurry and nobility. With so many empty placed to be found all over the Enclave, the Temple had even more of them crowded with Jedi, Padawan and apprentices. I couldn't remember seeing children of such a young age in the Enclave either. The Temple was an avatar of the endless city of Coruscant. The Enclave embodied grassy hills and plains of Dantooine. "I was told the matter was urgent," I added._

_ "It is," he agreed with me. Wordlessly he led me to a large room filled with soft gurgling. I'd never seen it before, but I could tell we were in the Chamber of Thousands Fountains. I turned to Master Dorak with a confused expression. "I thought I was going to meet the Council."_

_ "You are, just not right now. The Council has other pressing matters to attend to. Like I said, you arrived unexpected. In the meantime, you can spend your time here, meditating to calm your racing mind. Yes," he nodded and smiled a little and finally I could see a trace of the familiar warmth in his eyes, "I can sense your anxiety, young Padawan."_

_ I bowed my head. "As you wish, Master. I'll wait here, until the Council has time for me. However, could you let my Master know I'm here? I'd like to talk do her," I asked him in the most dutiful voice I could muster. Maybe Aren would know what it was all about._

_ Dorak took a slow breath. "I'm afraid, that won't be possible, Adrianne. The Council will tell you more." With that he turned around and left me beside one of the smaller fountains. I frowned and turned to it, suddenly annoyed by the tiny drops of water that were bouncing from the stone brim and splashing my hand._

_ I sighed and made my way to one of the benches, sitting down. A had a bad feeling about it. My eyes travelled to the exit of the room as if I could still see the chronicler. I wasn't stupid. I knew the Council had no _other pressing matters._ They just wanted me to wait. It was their game. Aren had told me, I might sometime find myself in exactly that position and advised me on how to behave. The advice was simple…_Don't be yourself. Be patient and try to be respectful and don't interrupt their speech, no matter how long it would be. Use it as an opportunity to sort out your arguments.

_ That memory brought a soft smile to my lips. If only I knew what the matter was so that I could actually prepare my arguments. It could be thousand things. I hadn't been very obedient apprentice. Luckily for me Aren usually kept everything to herself. At least when it came to my biggest offence; when she had found out about my plan, she expressed her disapproval...and understanding when she returned the confiscated camera disruptors. But I was sure my plan wasn't the reason why I'd been summoned to come; the Council had no idea about my...intentions. The question was: what was the reason? _

_ "Why aren't you dressed in the Jedi robes?" a voice asked me, breaking my chain of thoughts. I lifted my head to see a tall, muscular boy, probably several years older than me, standing in front of me. His posture was casual and relaxed, the thumb of his left hand was hooked behind the belt of his robes. Somehow, I could tell he was extremely bored. Probably he'd been sent here to meditate, but since he took the first opportunity – my arrival – to abandon such a praiseworthy activity, he wasn't very fond of it. That made us two of a kind._

_ "I don't wear Jedi robes," I said simply. Not many people were wearing them on Dantooine; the planet was too warm for them most of the year. Maybe only Masters, but they had never wanted us to wear them as well. Another difference between the Enclave and the Temple. But that was understandable. the Enclave was secluded, but the Temple had to represent the Order in the eyes of the Republic. _

_ He shrugged and took a seat next to me, thought not close to me. "I wish I had your Master, then," he said simply. "Master Vrook's strict when it comes to these things."_

_ I frowned. _Master Vrook, the pain in the ass. _ "I can imagine. But he only wants what is best," I said despite myself. Generally I disliked the guy and his old-fashioned opinions about the Order. _

_ "Of course, I never said he didn't," he nodded quickly. "Why are you here? Not for the training, I guess, otherwise you'd be already in some classroom."_

God...can't you return to your meditating?_ I thought grimly."No, not for the training," I replied curtly._

_ He made a face. "Not in a mood for talking, I see. Then it's the Council."_

_ That made me smile and turn to him. He had rich brown hair and grey and blue eyes with merry sparkles in them. His face could be considered handsome, especially when he was smiling the way he was. "That bad, huh?" I asked with a lop-sided smile._

_ He chuckled. "Not really, but…eh…yeah, sometimes."_

_ "Great," I mumbled and shook my head. Then I turned my attention at him again, realizing his company wasn't that bad after all. "I didn't catch your name."_

_ "Ehm…" he smiled nervously and touched the back of his neck. "It's…well, everyone calls me Squint."_

_ "Squint?" I repeated and laughed. "What kind of name is that? I mean…I'm sorry, but…"_

_ He simply nodded. He didn't seem offended by what I'd said. "It's a custom of my planet to have a second name after the village you grow up in. The name is…well, long. People just made it shorter."_

_ "Long name? Now you've sparkled my curiosity. Spit it out."_

_ "Squinquargeimus."_

_ „What?" I laughed. "Wow…Okay, I'm not going to try to repeat it. Uhm, don't you happen to have another name by chance? Some normal, maybe?"_

_ He shot me an amused look. "Alek."_

_ "Much better," I returned the look and offered my hand. "Adrianne."_

_ His hand grasped mine and shook it gently. "Nice to meet you."_

The chill woke me up. I had goose prickles all over my body since I'd kicked the blanket away. The room was drowned in the dark and my eyes were vainly searching around me. "HK?" I asked silently, but the answer never came. Combing my dishevelled with my fingers I slowly sat up, adjusting Bastila's tunic. "HK?" I asked again, standing up, before I went out of the cargo hold. The lights in the corridor were off again, so HK had to be in the cockpit. I frowned and slowly made my way there, still half-asleep. I stifled a yawn behind my hand when I entered the the small cabin. I blinked, surprised, when I noticed it wasn't HK inside.

"Shaak and cheese sandwich," Carth smiled, turning in the pilot's seat. His hand pointed at the small plate laid on the panel separating pilot's and co-pilot's space. "This time with shaak meet," he added with a smile, "and with topato. I thought you might be hungry. I know I was."

Suddenly I was smiling broadly, fully awake now. "That was one of the better moments, huh?"

He paid me a questioning look.

"Taris," I explained. "We were fighting each other all the way from the planet, but that moment, after the Sith base, was…"

"I know what you mean," he nodded and took the plate in his hand, using the other to pat his leg.

I raised my eyebrow, cocked head to one side and crossed my hand over my chest. "Where is HK?" I asked, ignoring his request for the moment.

He nodded. "In the garage. I…well…I turned him off…again."

"He's going to hate you even more."

"I'm going to sleep with a shield on."

I laughed and my legs moved on their own accord. "I'm just hungry, don't presume anything," I said when I sat on his lap, taking the plate from him.

"Would never dream of it, beautiful," he answered with a smile, which earned him a playful slap when I took a bite of the bread. Carth was watching me while I was eating without saying anything, or actually doing anything, but his eyes betrayed how nervous he was. Deliberately, I took my sweet time finishing the meal, offering him a bite from time to time which he always turned down. Only after I was done I, in slow motion, set the plate aside, and looked him in the eyes. "So…?" he asked silently.

"It was delicious. Thank you," I smiled at him despite knowing that wasn't what he meant.

"You're...welcome," he replied and for a second a smile crossed his lips. "But I was...I mean...Why did you disappear the way you did?" he asked finally. "We were waiting for you in your quarters, but you never came."

I shrugged and suddenly felt very uncomfortable being so close to him. I rose to my feet. "I didn't feel like…moving around the ship, you know? Besides I had a very…well…queer discussion with Zhar and wanted to think about it a little bit," I lied. He'd never see through this lie, anyway. "Reminded me why I always hated being part of the Order," I added, turning my back to him so that he wouldn't see the worry all over my face.

"Then leave," he suggested without hesitation, standing up from the seat as well. I heard him approach me so it didn't surprise me when his hands gently took my arms. His palms were pleasantly warms on the naked skin of my arms and I found myself wanting to lean back into his arms. I closed my eyes for a moment, forcing myself into an empty laugh. "They're not going to let me," I whispered and turned around to face him, stepping out of his reach. "Not now, not after...not now."

"I see," he nodded and let his hands fall soundlessly to his sides. "You were a Sith Lord so they're going to keep you near. Just in case."

I nodded silently, my eyes travelling around the cockpit. All consoles and panels were off, the navigation map wasn't on either. After several months on board of this girl it felt weird for her to be so dark and quiet.

"Do you want to leave?" he asked. I looked at him for a moment and caught myself shrugging. "I don't know anything else, but the Order. Spent my whole life there. I wouldn't know what to do," I replied hesitantly. It wasn't a completely honest answer. There was something I could do and I had almost done it. However, Buddy stopped me. Again.

_ "You want to be with us again? We're fugitives now, Addie. And you're a Jedi no matter what you've just done."_

_ "I would gladly abandon..."_

_ "No! Adrianne, don't you...Addie, can't..."_

_ "Don't Addie me, Buddy. I'm old enough to make my own decisions and I want..."_

_ "...to return to the Temple. That's where you belong. Can't you see? You're made for better things than running from authorities. How many sixteen years old teenagers manage to break into prison on their own without being caught? You're special, Adrianne. And who knows, maybe one day you'll be a hero. You're gifted. Please, don't waste your talent. As a Jedi you can help. You can make the difference. No...no, no, no, sweetie, don't cry, just...hey, come here, come on here... You know I'm right, honey, and no amount of these tears of yours will make me change my mind. This is not a life for you. You..." _"...must stay in the Order," I finished his sentence out loud, his voice echoing in my mind as if he was right next to me, talking to me the very moment. But when I looked around, he wasn't there.

"No you don't. You're not alone in this. What if...what if someone helped you with your future."

My eyes focused on him again, examining his face. There was fear written on his features, some sort of anxiety. When I didn't speak, he looked at the floor between us and took a slow breath before his eyes found mine again. "If I helped you?" he specified, probably hoping to finally get me to speak.

"It would never work," I whispered. "They would never let it work," I added and turned around, heading out of the cockpit. First, there was nothing, but when I was in the main hold, I heard his steps behind me. I bit down on my lip when I made my way to the garage, not sure if the steps echoing through the ship made me sad or happy.

"And since when do you need their approval?" he asked me, standing in the doorframe.

I stopped in front of HK. His head was bent down a little, his eyes dark and lifeless – if you could say such a thing about a droid. I reached up behind his neck to find the small button half-hidden beneath the armour. "Be quiet," I said to him immediately, turning back to Carth. "I should have obeyed them a long ago. If I had listened to them and followed the code, none of this would have ever happened; I would have never gone to the war, and to the Unknown Regions and...the rest would have never happened either," I shrugged.

He made a step inside the garage. "You wanted to protect the Republic," he said softly. "And who knows where we would have been if only Malak hadn't stopped you. Maybe we all would have been a part of the strongest Sith Empire ever, ready to crush anyone daring to attack us. Or maybe even on our way to attack them first. At least that much I've gathered from your plan."

I blinked in confusion. "What plan? Carth, what are you talking about?"

At that moment I noticed his posture changed; my question must have brought some relief to him. He visibly relaxed, his shoulders weren't so tense anymore. And he slowly closed the distance between us. "You had it all planned. Step after step, month after month…and with your knowledge of the Republic you'd gained in the war, I bet you would have conquered more than a half of the Republic right now. And with the Star Forge ships…no one could have stood a chance against you." Before I could ask anything else, because he wasn't making much sense to me at the moment, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a datapad. He gently pressed it into my hands, closing my fingers around it. "Terrifying read, but very educational. I mean…" he cleared his throat taking a step away from me. "I'm sorry I didn't believe you."

I looked at the datapad in my suddenly shaking hands and turned it around a few times. My fingertips touched the screen, tracing the old scratches. "You've found the password?" I asked incredulously, letting out a long breath while gingerly fingering the power button.

He nodded, then hesitated and grimaced. "Well, I have. But Dustil helped a lot.

"Dustil?" I frowned and lifted my eyes to him. "How could he help you? He doesn't know much about me."

He smiled at that. "He knows more then you, apparently. We were talking and, well…"

"Ended up talking about me?" I filled the silence when he took a pause.

"Naturally," he shrugged. "And then Dustil said something about you that made me think."

"What was it?"

"That you tend to do things no one expects you would," he explained.

I frowned and bent my head to look at the datapad again. "And what does it have to do with this thing?" I asked, waving it in the air. All at once I was afraid to turn it on.

Again, he smiled. "Everything. Do you know what the password was?"

I gave him a look and crossed my hands in front of me.

His grin grew broader after that. "Morry."

I straightened. "What? Nonsense. I'd never use something or someone from my personal life as a password. It's far too trivial."

"And yet you did exactly this," he stood his ground. "Don't you get it? Only people really, really close to you would know about your sister and the familiar nickname you were calling her. And such people would say precisely what you've just said. See? Brilliant in its simplicity."

I looked at the datapad again and focused on the glowering, twisted face reflected in the screen. Then I finally turned it on. When the window popped up, asking me to type in the password, I hesitated for moment, before writing my sister's nickname. In a heartbeat I found myself staring mutely on the screen that was displaying hundreds and hundreds entries, starting in the early parts of my life, to almost the last day of my reign as the Dark Lord of the Sith. Closing my eyes, I bit my lip and I could almost hear my sister's voice: _"Of course I wouldn't say it to anyone, little sister! I wouldn't want you to have troubles, Ravie. Your secrets are forever safe with me." _

Carth was grinning, when I opened my eyes again. I took a slow breath. "So…you read it all, which means you now know more about me, than I do. Heh, explains why you said the Council should have exiled me long ago."

He laughed. "Try to deny it. I'd love to see you breaking into that prison to free that famous Buddy of yours. But hell, you had that planned out too."

_The eyes, as black as night, were bearing into mine as he reached out and touched me cheek hesitantly. The tips of his fingers were cold and shaking when they traced their way down my face, lingering on my neck for a moment. "Do my eyes deceive me…?" he whispered and soon his strong arms were around me, crushing me so tightly I couldn't breath, but I didn't mind at all. He was free again and that was all that mattered to me. "I was thinking about you every day, Addie," he said, his voice muffled as his face was buried in my hair. _

"_And I was thinking every day about how to get you out," I rasped out, the tears already in my eyes. They blurred my vision, so I could no longer see the rest of the crew grinning around us happily. I did it. I had broken nearly every law of my Order and some of the Republic, but I didn't care. My family was free again._ _And that was all that mattered to me. _

I dropped my eyes and bent my head. "I was planning it for years, only was waiting until I mastered the Force persuasion." Then I smiled slowly and looked at him again. "After this, violating the first line of the code doesn't seem so terrible anymore."

"The first…" he started in confusion, but then my meaning hit him and he smiled. "So...you don't need their approval after all."

"I guess so," I shrugged. "I liked what we had before...I mean..." I bit my lip and looked away as if searching for help. "I'm not very good at this and..." I trailed off when Carth lifted his hand and rested it on the small of my back, pulling me closer.

"Statement: Master, each day you're confirming me of your meatbag status," HK said, but I wasn't listening to him. Carth's close proximity, his arms around me and his hot lips upon mine were far too overwhelming for me to notice the droid.

"You are," he opposed me when we broke apart, gasping for air. I smiled broadly at him and he lifted his hand to trace his fingers along my lips. "I love you," he said.

"I love you too," I whispered and kissed his fingers gently, then took his hand into mine. "Though...aren't you...you know, aren't you afraid of what your friends might think about the two of us?" I asked. "After all, they think Telos was my doing."

"I don't give a damn about what others think," he said immediately. "I know who you are, what you are like. Not because of the datapad," he added quickly. I wanted to gaze at it, but only then I realized I wasn't holding it anymore. I'd dropped it when Carth kissed me. "Ever since we first met in that comm room I couldn't stop thinking about you. I was confused at first, that's why I was such a jerk on Taris. Not to mention meeting you stirred unpleasant memories in me. I thought I was attracted to you because of Morgana, because you're so like her, but the longer I knew you the clearer it was that you were nothing like her. In a certain way. It's crazy. It was crazy," he added and moved his face away from me.

I quickly cupped his cheek and turned his head back to me. "I know what you mean," I nodded. "When I remembered my life, it felt wrong, but..." I bit my lip and shrugged. "You know, I really thought you resented me when I told you about my past," I said.

A sign of sorrow appeared in his eyes. I felt his hand on the small of my back pressed me closer to him, caressing me tenderly. "I never resented you. I was just…I didn't know what to think, what to believe. And you were right, you know? After Leviathan. I was angry because all I managed was getting you hurt. Instead of me it was the creature that saved your life. And you started spending so much time around him. I was…it was driving me crazy. Jolee even started making fun of me because of it."

"Wait, what?" I blinked. "Jolee was…"

_"Lass, I'm an old man and my old eyes have seen many things. I simply noticed something which made me believe he wouldn't condemn Revan so quickly."_

I closed my eyes for a moment. _You sly old man… _"I see," I breathed out slowly. I looked at him again and wanted nothing more than lean closer and kiss him again, but I was aware of the assassin next to me. I bit my lip. "Well, how about we moved somewhere more private to continue the conversation?" I asked him, pointing towards the cargo hold.

He chuckled. "I'd love that, but I thought you'd be more curious about that little datapad of yours than…" he never finished the sentence, cut off by the sharp sound of my heel crushing the datapad's screen under my feet. I shrugged when he gave me an incredulous look. "Well," I smiled, "I tend to do what no one expects I would," I purred, my hands playing with the zip of his jacket, slowly pulling the fastener down. "There was time I wanted to have my life back, but now...I don't care. I've been given a chance to make a new one."

...

"Hello," I said cheerfully, when I entered the infirmary. Bastila was up, standing, and Jasmine was helping her into her clothes. She had to be incredibly clumsy with just one hand, but she didn't seem to mind.

Jasmine was just making a knot on her right sleeve when I entered. She didn't look at me, and when she was done with the Jedi she turned away and went to her own business, but Bastila turned her head towards me and smiled. "Are we there?" she asked.

"It's just a matter of few minutes," I said and approached her. "Here, I've got something for you. I thought you'd want it back." I stretched out my hand presenting her lightsaber.

"That's…!" she didn't finish and used her left hand to grasp the hilt. She looked at it and for a second I could see a bolt of pain in her eyes, but it was gone as quickly as it appeared. "Thank you, Adrianne."

"Don't thank me. Wouldn't want the Council think you are irresponsible and can't take care of your equipment," I replied nonchalantly with slightly raised eyebrows.

"Well, I've learned from the best," she said and hung the lightsaber at her belt, looking at me with her best stoic expression.

"No way…" I let out a long breath, a smile threatening to show on my face. "Bastila? Talking back?"

She lifted a corner of her mouth in a half-smile. "Your influence. You should be proud."

"I am," I nodded and bit my lip. "Anyway, why I came," I went on. "I talked with Master Zhar and he informed how our arrival's going to…proceed."

Bastila nodded, no expression on her face. "Go on," she bid me.

"We're going to arrive in front of the Temple. There will be politicians and soldiers and other welcoming party and cheering people, but we're going straight to the Council, so none of it should bother us."

"Bother?" she echoed.

"I hate politicians," I shrugged and looked away. Bastila laid her hand on my shoulder and squeezed lightly. "Do you think he's going to be there?"

"I…don't know. Maybe," I said evasively, but I was sure Cedric would be there. After all, he seemed keen on somehow gluing our relationship together, provided we ever had one. I could still remember his incredulous expression when he'd seen me that day after we had finally left Dantooine. _He wanted to see me_, I thought and stepped out of Bastila's reach. _And he was troubled that I didn't recognize him._

"Adrianne?" Bastila talked to me, probably feeling what was going through my head.

He'd been troubled. He'd come to see me. He'd come to talk to me. "I just…need to think," I said weakly.

"Carth told me about Malak," she changed the topic suddenly, drawing my attention. "I know you weren't very fond of him, after what he'd almost done. But at the end, you were angry, because he…" she stopped and her eyes focused on Jasmine's back for a moment. There was no need to finish the last piece. I knew very well what she meant. "You think I should give him a chance?" I asked.

Bastila smiled and nodded. "A lot of things have changed, I assume. I am sure he's genuinely sorry for…everything. Besides, remember my mother. You know, when…when that thing with my arm happened, my last thought was of her, and how glad I was we'd had the chance to make up."

"One day, Bastila," I said after awhile of pause, "you'll make a great Jedi."

She smiled and took me completely aback, when she bowed before me. "If great Revan says so," she joked, merry sparkles in her eyes. "Oh, and when we're talking about making up…" she smirked…wait, she smirked? "How are things?"

"I take it back. Leave the Order. You're too intrusive to be a Jedi," I laughed, and that was all the answer she needed. "But come. They sent me to bring you and here I am, chitchatting with you like a teenager."

...

The descent through the Coruscant's atmosphere was slow. It wasn't easy to land with a ship of this size, so pilots had to be extremely careful. It seemed to take ages before the outer hangar door opened and our ship was allowed to take off. I was grateful we could at least make the journey in the Ebon Hawk. I was with Jolee, Carth and Canderous in the cockpit. I could hear the soft voices from the main hold, where Bastila and Juhani were keeping our guests company. The Admiral was there along with a few of her high ranking officers. Then Master Zhar and Master Vandar.

"It's stupid, if you ask me. Madhouse," Canderous said when we could finally see the magnificent spires of the Temple in the distance. But that wasn't the only thing we could see. The whole planet was rejoicing, people were dancing in the streets, on tops of skyscrapers. And as our ship made its way between the buildings together with our escort they seemed to be welcoming us, cheering for us.

"You can't blame them for wanting to have fun," Jolee opposed him. "They didn't have the opportunity to celebrate in years."

"And this time," Carth spoke up too, "you can celebrate with us, Canderous."

"Very funny, republic," he retorted, his eyes in front of us, locked on the Temple. "Quite a lot of people," he commented when we got near enough to distinguish the enormous crowd on the square in front of it. I bit my lip when I looked at the people as well, and my stomach did a somersault. I could feel the atmosphere outside, all the excitement and joy, but there was something else I couldn't quite put my finger on. Anticipation? Of what? _My arrival,_ I realized and gripped Carth's seat tightly, sinking my fingernails deep into it. He had to feel the tug, because he turned to look at me. I smiled at him and planted a quick kiss on his lips to hide my anxiety.

Canderous leaned back in the co-pilot's seat and crossed his hand over his chest, letting Carth take the Hawk to the landing zone. I took a slow breath when he slowly turned the ship around to better position it, giving us a great view of all the people. I didn't miss there were soldiers stationed as the first line of the crowd, all of them armed and armoured.

"Look at them," Canderous smirked, noticing the soldiers as well. "See the shiny armour? Never seen a fight before."

"They are not here to fight," Jolee said and then put on a thoughtful expression. "Or they should not be," he added in a quieter voice.

I rolled my eyes. "Come on, the war just ended. Let's talk about something nice for once," I asked them and turned around. The others were probably waiting for us to join them before finally heading out.

Just as we entered the main hold, Mission and Zaalbar emerged from the quarters as well. She had a broad smile all over her face, but Big'Z looked suspiciously grumpy. I paid him a closer look and noticed his fur was combed.

"Can we move off?" Zhar asked, looking over as all. His eyes were searching the room, until they found me as if to make extra sure I wasn't going to hide or something.

"Yeah," Mission said cheerfully. "Come, Big'Z, our big moment. Wow! I wish Gadon was here to see how far we've made it," she was talking to the Wookie, already going to the ramp. Canderous snorted and followed them. I was glad he'd decided not to carry his repeater this time. The mob would probably dislike armed Mandalorian no matter what his role in defeating the Sith Lord had been.

Carth soundlessly appeared by my side and took my hand in his. "Keep smiling," he whispered to me and watched the Admiral and her officers made their way to the ramp as well. Then he gave my hand a sharp tug, pulling me closer to him. His free hand wrapped around my waist as he kissed me slowly. Somehow I wanted it to last forever, but one second his arm was holding me tightly against his chest as if he never wanted to let me go, the other he was stepping away from me, smiling at me and still holding my hand.

"Not that I mind, but...what was it for?" I asked, ignoring the looks from both Zhar and Vandar.

"Well...we're going to part our ways for some time, and since you're uncomfortable with expressing your affection in public..." he shrugged and beckoned me to follow his superiors.

"How do you know?" I asked when the two us together with the rest of the Hawk's crew followed the Admiral, only the Masters of the Order were left standing in the main hold.

"The datapad?" he asked with a cocky smile that looked strangely unusual on his face, but I found I liked it. And he let go of my hand.

I slapped his arm playfully and, despite my nervousness, I was smiling broadly when we finally exited the ship together. The afternoon sun was pleasantly warm and bright, reflecting from the white of the mighty Temple towering above us. I expected the people to fell quiet and stare and whisper among each other, but they didn't. They seemed genuinely glad to see us.

"It's not that bad, huh?" Carth asked me, or rather shouted at me so that I could hear him, as if he was reading my mind.

"That's because they don't know me," I answered, but still agreed with him. "But look over there," I added, throwing my head towards where chosen Masters of the Council, Vrook and Zez-Kai, were standing. "See? They know me and they are glowering."

Carth laughed and his hand made a move as if to catch me around my waist. He stopped in mid-motion and instead rubbed the back of his neck. "I see your point."

I heard my name somewhere behind me. Bastila was urging me to go with the rest of them towards the Temple. I sighed and looked at Carth for one last time. "I'll call you when I'm done."

"Don't get long," he replied, smiling at me.

"Adrianne, we have to go," Bastila hissed next to me. I nodded and tore my eyes off Carth finally. Scanning our surroundings quickly my attention stopped on the line of people waiting for him and the Admiral to arrive. And he was there. Standing, waiting patiently, his grey eyes locked on me. The cheers became distant and I wasn't walking anymore. I was fighting the sudden urge to run to him and...and...I had no idea what would happen after that. Had Bastila been speaking the truth? Did he deserve to get another chance? Her mother never tried to kill her, but maybe it was time to let go of the past. My new life was waiting and...

Someone grabbed my arm. The touch startled me and my hand went to my belt. I felt the cold of my lightsaber in my palm when other hand covered mine. Zhar was standing beside me, his hand stopping me from drawing my weapon. "They are waiting for us," he said simply and motioned me to get going again. I nodded and without looking back I made my way to the two Jedi Masters at last.

I bowed before them when we arrived, thought if we'd been alone I'd have never done it. It was just a show for the public. "Master Ell, Master Vrook," I talked to them, deliberately addressing the younger Jedi first. And Vrook had noticed that. The way he lifted his chin slightly and clenched his jaw for a moment in non-Jedi-like manner brought me some satisfaction. He didn't say anything, however, and only motioned us to follow him into the entrance hall.

It was still the same, large, almost empty, with columns along the walls. Our steps were echoing through it loudly as the cheering died down slowly.

Once inside and out of everyone's plain sight, the elder Jedi finally started speaking. "Master Zhar, would you be so kind as to see our young Padawan to the infirmary?" he asked without actually looking at the Twi'lek. "Her Master's already waiting for her there."

Suddenly a thought struck me – who was Bastila's Master?

But before I could actually start remembering if I had ever met her Master, Zez-Kai spoke up too. "Master Vandar, please, take Juhani and Jolee to their quarters.

_But surely I had to meet him...or her. On Dantooine,_ my thoughts went on. I was only partly aware that it was now only me walking with the two of them. _Or maybe not, after Arren got exiled, I was mostly training here on Coruscant. _Of course, I'd got to travel there from time to time, but not for a stay longer than several days. And usually it had been duty that had been filling most of my time, leaving little space for catching up with my old friends. And when I had been with them, asking about their Masters and training had been the last thing on my mind.

My thoughts were disturbed by a sudden halt. I nearly bumped into Vrook when he turned around to stop me when we were finally standing in the centre of the round Council chamber. Then he and Zez-Kai slowly went to their own seats, completing the Council.

They were all here, but still one seat remained unoccupied; the one belonging to deceased Master Lucien.

"So our prodigal knight has returned," a woman voice said. It made me wonder how something could be said in both soft and cold tone simultaneously. Atris had apparently mastered the art of rhetoric.

"I'm glad to see you too, Master Atris," I said simply, narrowing my eyes at her. She was almost of the same age as me. When she'd been offered a seat in the Council, she'd been incredibly proud. Finally she'd had something which had made her better than me. It would sound like something Darth Revan would say, but Atris was always jealous of me and my command of the Force. Secretly she had been competing with me, trying her best, while I was shirking whatever duty I'd been given and yet she had been far from my equal. But she'd had discipline and will. She'd been obedient and loyal to the Order. She'd always followed the Code.

And as if it wasn't enough, there was Jaden...another log to feed the cold hatred within her.

Anyway, here we were. She was here to judge me and she was aware of the power she was holding over me. Nevertheless, she was oblivious to the fact I didn't give a damn.

"Still the same," she uttered, ice dripping from her voice.

"Atris, please," another woman of the Council spoke up. Lonna Vash. Her greying hair grew much longer since I'd last seen her, but that was the only change on her. The same deadpan expression, the same way of sitting, with her left ankle hooked around the right one, her hands in her lap. The same strict gleam in her brown eyes. "Revan's lack of...proper behaviour is not why we summoned her."

_Yeah, bugger off_, I thought, but said: "Then why I'm here?"

"There are questions the Council wishes to ask you," Zez-Kai explained.

"Such as?"

Another Master, Kavar, leaned towards me, joining his hands and resting them against his knees. "What exactly happened on the Star Forge when you encountered Malak?"

I shrugged. "Well, when my team and I boarded the station he was as good as dead. I was trying to talk to him, but my words fell on deaf ears." I was choosing my words carefully. I wasn't that foolish to lie to the Council. I had to give them just enough truth to make the story seem plausible, but I had to be careful not to reveal everything. "If you want any other details, I'll give you a full report once..."

"We are not the Republic, Revan," Lonna said in her usual firm voice. "We do not require knowing every single step you made on that station. As we've already hinted, we're more interested in the exchange between you and the former Lord of the Sith."

_Yeah, but why?_ "There wasn't much of an exchange," I said. "When I reached the observatory, it was more about survival than chatting. And no," I added and looked at Atris, "I didn't mean solely _my_ survival. Lives of all the soldiers fighting for the Republic were at stake as well. I had to act quickly." I could only hope no words from the Republic soldiers that had been there with me had reached their ears yet. But again, if they had heard about all that happened, their first question would have been about the mysterious red-skinned creature, I was sure of that.

"Did you find him beyond redemption?" Kavar asked silently.

I nodded. "There wasn't anything I could do to help him. He was...lost."

"I sense you speak the truth, but I still find it hard to believe you. There's more to it than meets the eyes," Vrook stated. He was watching me intently as if searching for any kind of misbehaviour.

"Of course there is more than meets the eyes, Master. It always is," I started saying. I needed to buy myself some time. "I was given an offer to join the Empire again," I admitted, hoping it would satisfy him. "It wasn't easy, the temptation was great, but I'd learned from my mistakes. You have every right to doubt me, but here I stand. In this very room with you, not with Malak's minions on the Star Forge."

"The lures of the dark side are difficult to resist indeed," Kavar nodded. "It's pleasing that you've chosen to stay on the right path, Revan," he praised me and smiled at me kindly.

"I wonder," Atris spoke up again, "what exactly helped you stay? Was it really the strength of your will or the unwillingness to be someone's pawn?" She was talking in plain voice as if we were discussing the weather, but the accusation was there anyway. She was obviously trying to provoke me. Her blue, icy eyes were sinking into my face, waiting and searching for any kind of reaction. Her lips were pressed together in thin line.

"It was the right to do," I said simply, swallowing thousand biting remarks.

"The right thing to do," she repeated quietly. But whatever she wanted to add, she had to stay quiet when Lonna spoke up. "As Master Kavar said, the Council is pleased by your decision, Revan. We're sure the path couldn't have been easy."

"Far from it, Master. And unfortunately," I started saying in an effort to change the subject, "it didn't come cheap."

I didn't have to add anything else. Zez-Kai was quick enough to follow me. "The importance is Bastila's survived."

And Lonna was even quicker with asking another question: "We're concerned about what happened to her exactly. If I'm not mistaken, Zhar mentioned she was hurt before the attack on the station, was she not?"

I nodded. "She...was, Master Vash. Unfortunately, she was fighting a dark Jedi and the battle was...too much for her," I said evasively.

"Obviously the wound was made by lightsaber, we could gather that much," Zez-Kai said, sparing me giving a further explanation. "What happened to the Sith?"

"I killed him of course," I said without hesitating. "No one messes with my friends and gets away with it."

A frown crossed Lonna's face when the meaning sunk into her. "Vengeance is not a Jedi way."

"But it's my way!" I wanted to shout, but stopped myself just in time. "This...particular case wasn't about vengeance, Master Lonna. Well, not only about it, anyway. The Sith posed a serious threat to the mission and therefore had to be eliminated."

It was Kavar's turn to glower at me slightly. "We understand your reasons, Revan, but you can't deny it really was revenge that made you seek the Sith out and end his life."

That was tiring. "And despite it all I made the right decision when it counted," I said, finally dropping the deadpan expression and allowed myself to return all those scowling looks. "Despite my methods and believes I'm still here, not on the Star Forge's bridge."

"There is no emotion, there is peace, Revan," Vrook reminded me. But what offended me was when Atris echoed his words.

But I refused to repeat the line like they probably expected me. "You know my opinion and no amount of reciting the Code will change it. Unless you want to discuss anything else, I'd take my leave," I said sharply, slowly losing my temper.

"There is one last matter to sort out," Lonna admitted and for once she sounded careful. But it was Atris who blurted out the word: "Raenah."

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><p>Another chapter! :) and much longer than I planned, but why not? But it's almost the end of my story, I plan to write one more chapter. I'll try to get it done as soon as I can. Anyway, thank you all for reading :)<p> 


	37. Second Chance

Disclaimer: I don't own Kotor or any of the characters, save for Adrianne.

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><p>"Raenah."<p>

When Atris had taken a breath to speak, I'd expected to hear almost anything. The mission. The war. The dark side. Hell, for a single hearbeat I'd thought she'd been about to say Carth's name. But hearing the Sith's one again felt like losing the solid ground beneath my feet.

What exactly did they know about him? And how had they found out? Had they read the reports from the Star Forge after all? There was no other way to find out.

My eyes went wide and I could only stare at her for a moment. Five pairs of eyes were watching me intently. Some of them with suspicion, some with curiosity, all of them with questions.

I could easily lie to them, pretend to hear it for the first time. The problem was I was talking with the most experienced Jedi Masters in the Order – they would know.

"Revan?" Lonna finally broke the silence. "Who is Raenah?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but no words left my lips. I couldn't lie, but I couldn't simply tell them the truth either. If I started about him, I would have to add other things, about his Master, about their society, about everything I had done out there. And they already considered me untrustworthy; I didn't have to add fuel to the flames. On the other hand without knowing what they knew, trying to dance my way between "bending the truth" and "lying" was very risky. It was exactly like my Master used to say: _"They like playing games with you. When you think you're the one having the upper hand, it's them who are one step ahead of you."_

I was aware of how the situation looked like. My surprise was plain to see for everyone, not only shown on my face, but proved by my silence. They knew they'd struck the nerve here.

_"Always give them what they want, but…keep the truth for yourself."_

I hadn't understood her back then, but now it was all much clearer – I had to tread carefully. They were now going to examine my every word. But there were always two sides of every coin...and every story. And both were real. _"Or at least real enough for them to believe."_

"Was..."I heard myself saying finally, decided to start with the truth I could reveal. I took a slow breath. "He is dead."

"Who was it then?" Vrook asked. "It's obvious he is causing strong emotions in you even after his death."

_ Alright, _I thought, _Arren always used to say that deceiving the Council is not that difficult. And, hell, they say I'm intelligent, so let's put it to a test. Can I outsmart them?_ "A member of the Empire," I started, glad to hear my voice sounded firmer this time. "Someone I once considered an ally."I was waiting for their response, or maybe other questions, but they remained quiet. And that was frustrating. For once, when I needed them to ask those stupid questions to tell me what they knew and what not, they were as silent as the grave. "Eventually, as it goes with the Sith, he sided with my enemy. And, promised to get his reward afterwards, he participated in my fall."

"Was he working for Malak?" Kavar asked when I made a pause to take a breath.

_"Always give them what they want. But keep the truth for yourself,"_ my Masters words were echoing in my head._ "Or at least real enough for them to believe."_ I shook my head. "No, not for Malak," I admitted. "For himself. He was a Sith after all. And very capable, I must add."

I noticed Zez-Kai nodded twice. There was a thoughtful gleam in his eyes as he was processing the information. The rest of the Council exchanged glances. It seemed to me as if they were communicating with each other in their own secret language; through eyes and almost non-existent facial expressions anyone uninitiated couldn't notice or fathom. Thought they were probably only checking who else wasn't buying my story; they had to know I was keeping something from them. But as long as I stuck to telling "the truth", they couldn't accuse me of lying.

"That's not all," Atris said after awhile of their silent discussion. "If the matter is that simple, why the hesitation to tell us? Why does the man stir such negative response in you, like Master Vrook indicated?"

"I'm proud person," I replied and was sure this confession would make her happy. "It's not easy for me to admit my mistakes. And with Raenah I made a hell of a mistake. I didn't trust him, true. But I entrusted him with sensitive information, oblivious to the fact he was whispering my every word into his Master's ear."

As I was speaking I noticed Lonna brought her eyebrows together in a thoughtful manner. "That doesn't make sense," she said quietly after I made another pause. "You claim you didn't trust him, but introduced him into your secrets."

"I was quite a rookie Sith Lord, Master Lonna, but I wasn't stupid. A Sith Lord cannot trust anyone. People around you will always conspire against you, to bring you down."

"Such is the way of the dark side," Vrook interrupted me. "Corruption, betrayal, mistrust."

"It keeps you on your toes," I said with a smile, remembering Canderous' words.

Kavar's eyebrows rose. "You say it as if it was a good thing," he stated, giving me thoughtful look.

"In a way," I said slowly, "you are motivated to do your best. That's why all the Sith Lords were always the most wicked creatures of their kind. After all, such is the way of the dark side to ensure only the strongest and the most capable will rule. Ruthless, but efficient, you have to give the Sith at least that much," I answered with a narrowed eyes. "But even the most powerful Sith Lord needs loyal followers," I quickly returned to the previous topic. "Mostly it's fear they can use. But in Raenah's case...well..." I made a short pause, shifting my weight, "Raenah was too...clever...to be frightened by me. No, if I wanted to keep him close, I had to use other ways. Promise of power and influence, for example, always works on the likes of him." Now I was inwardly holding my breath.

"Apparently it wasn't enough," Kavar sensed.

"No, it wasn't. He was promised much more for my head," I said in much darker tone than I intended. The memory of the Emperor and Raenah by his side standing above me, though quite vague, was still sending a shiver down my spine whenever I thought about it. The two of them were talking, too quickly for me to understand everything, but the whole meaning was clear. Alek was as good as dead for them, so was I actually. But first Raenah had to be rewarded. _And that saved my life...our lives,_ I thought. Although I couldn't remember what exactly had went wrong. My next memory was from our way back with a single aim: to find the Star Forge._ Or maybe not single; Alek wanted to use it to destroy the Republic, I wanted it protected._

I was so deeply buried in my thoughts I almost missed another of their mute exchange.

"What role did he play in it when the Dark Lord of the Sith betrayed you," Vrook wanted to know and I quickly turned to him. _Careful,_ I told myself. _You're going to talk about two different stories, so let's try not to get all tangled in it. _"None, actually. He was serving his Master, but Malak didn't need any help with shooting at my bridge," I said slowly, choosing my words with extra care. "As you can remember, it was you who gave him the opportunity. Of course, it was my doing as well," I quickly added. "When I was told such a small number of republic ships were attacking us, I was curious why. I focused all my attention on their ships, completely ignoring Malak's fleet, because I sensed something wasn't as it seemed. So, when Bastila and her team boarded my ship, I ordered my guards to clear the way to the bridge to allow them free access to me. And what happened after...well, I'm sure Bastila has given you full report."

_And here we go again,_ I thought when the councillors started looking at each other once more. _Now they are totally tearing me apart in their minds. I can read it in their eyes. Lonna, Vrook and Zez-Kai are here for the longest time, which means they are much more experienced...and know I'm not very honest with them. I can tell. Atris is probably searching for any hole in my story right now, and if I'm lucky, won't find any. Kavar...well, he might be sweet, but he's no fool. However with his face as unreadable as it is I can't tell what he's thinking. With Bastila it was easier; the bond was giving everything she was feeling away._

After what felt like eternity, Lonna finally focused her brown eyes on me. "You've learned your lesson the hard way, Revan," she said, but it was impossible to miss the doubt in her eyes.

It was probably expected of me to bow, so I bent my head for a moment to indulge them. "Undoubtedly, Master," I agreed.

"However there is still some room for learning," Vrook stated and shifted in the seat slightly to get more comfortable position. "The man is dead, but I can sense great hatred in you towards him even now. And it's just as strong as it was a year ago."

_A year ago,_ my mind echoed. _So that's how they found out about him. _Despite my best efforts, I couldn't help but narrow my eyes at him. "So what, Master Vrook? Are you going to take away my lightsabers and exile me? After all, this Council has once exiled for less," I retorted.

Lonna took a quick breath. "Jaden Surik was exiled for violating everything the Order stands for. When she followed you to the war, she publicly defied us. And had to be punished for that." It surprised me how masterly she could read between the lines of what I said. Or maybe it wasn't that brilliant at all; everyone knew about the strong friendship between Jaden and me.

I took a slow breath and resisted to clench my teeth and fist my hands in anger. "And when Jolee Bindo returned to the Council after the Great Sith War, he..."

"You can't compare the two cases," Vrook cut me off. "There are many differences..."

"Yes, there are," I didn't let him finish either. "Jolee used to smuggle, got married, trained his Force-sensitive wife against the Council direct order, didn't manage to protect her from the dark side and when he had the chance to kill her, he let her go, which caused deaths of many other Jedi. And yet he was forgiven. Jaden didn't do any of it."

"Truly?" Atris opposed me calmly. "And how about the mass shadow generator? That caused deaths of many other as well." Her cold eyes gave me a pointed look.

"The creation of that device was my decision. The responsibility of what happened on Malachor V is mine and mine only," I said, waving my hand in the air dismissively.

Zez-Kai shook his head slowly, the tooth in his ear swaying from side to side. "The command to activate it was hers. The blood of thousands is on her hands," he replied and joined his hands in his lap.

"You...bloody...hypocrites," I hissed as an answer to their uncompromising expressions. "You dare to sit here and pretend you've swallowed all the wisdom in the universe, but you're not without blame either," I was talking slowly and in calm tone. "You have no right to criticize or judge her now, because you have done the same. To stop the Sith you have sacrificed me, my memory and my personality and tried to make me your puppet. What she had done had served the same purpose – to end the war. How many people do you think would have died if Mandalore hadn't been stopped?" I went on, my eyes travelling from one deadpan face to other. "If he had won the battle of Malachor V, the Republic would have been lost. And every single one of you with it," I reminded them. "Until the last moment she was a perfect example of a Jedi. Her men loved her as both a person and their leader and in eyes of many she improved the Order's reputation damaged by _your_ blasted indifference! If there was anyone in the history of our Order who deserved the exile the least, it was her," I growled.

"Your devotion to her person is admirable, Revan," Lonna started, and Atris finished for her: "But you're forgetting she acted against our will when she followed you to the war. Jedi are protectors of peace, not war-makers."

I shook my head slowly. "Haven't you been listening? There was no peace to protect. We were in the middle of the war and the Republic was losing it. But instead of realizing the simple truth, you still kept on repeating your version. And Jaden was naive enough to return to you in foolish hope for forgiveness, but you made her a scapegoat. Only because she was a revanchist. Only to show what your opinion about us was," I said, but it was enough to look at them to know I was just wasting my breath.

"You're mistaken," Kavar started saying. "We had our reasons to banish her from the Order, but none of what you've named."

I snorted. "You know, Master Kavar, I, too, can tell when someone's lying to me. Maybe you had other reasons for her exile, but this belonged among them," I hissed and gave him a glowering look. "But it's apparent you will never admit your mistakes, nor accept the truth – that the war had to be stopped. There's no point in repeating it. After all, you weren't willing to listen before the war, after it...or a year ago, why should you now?"

"A year ago," Lonna started saying, "we were trying to listen to you. But your explanation was no more than few senseless words of some great danger and only in your...better moments. Your state of health when Bastila had brought you from your ship was severe. Your memory had been already seriously damaged. You spent most of your time in great pain or coma. There was no way to interrogate you, but we did feel the need for information."

I gave an empty laugh. "And so instead of doing what thousands of other normal people would do – waiting until I got better...

"There was no guarantee you would get better," she stated simply. "To tell the truth, no one expected you to survive."

"How does it excuse you brainwashing me? Or is there some secret part of the Code that allows it?" I mused.

"We did what we deemed necessary to find out a meaning to what you were saying," Atris answered and her emotions slowly started creeping into her voice. She was highly annoyed by my attitude.

Lonna nodded. "You were just as responsible for what happened as we were," she added.

"Me? How? If I understood correctly, I was passed out!"

Even Lonna started to be irked. She closed her eyes for few seconds, before continuing. "You are twisting my words. We tried to make it as carefully as we could. We explained to you what we were about to do and what it might do to you, but even after we injected sedatives in your bloodstream to weaken you..."

"You drugged me?"

"...you still intentionally fought us as we tried to get the information, which resulted in your amnesia. "

I gaped at them for a moment. "So..." I let out a long breath. "Let me get this straight. You drugged me, brainwashed me and now you say it was my fault I lost all my memories? Because...Hell! Of course I didn't let you in mind like that. It's not normal to crawl into someone's head!" I spat out. The fact about Raenah's influence was better left unsaid. "But even if you were as innocent in this matter as you claim, and it was indeed my fault..." I paused after that for a second, still unable to believe she had really said it, "...your decision was immoral and unethical. But what the Republic doesn't know won't hurt the Order, am I right? You had your puppet who would blindly lead you to the Star Forge, and in the eyes of everyone else you were as pure as a driven snow."

So far Master Arren had been right about everything concerning the Council. But there was one thing, as I had just realized, she was wrong about. She had always claimed that dealing with them was like a game. And only good players would get their reward. But it didn't feel rewarding when, after I was done talking, the Council was just staring at me, speechless. "But you all know it, right?" I whispered, feeling down for some reason. "You know what you've done to me was wrong, no matter what my crimes. Maybe...maybe you were right about its necessity, though I definitely disagree. But not all ends justify the means, huh? What you did was toeing the edge of illegality. Do you realize what I could to you and the Order if I decided to bring this matter out?"

For the second time the Council had nothing to say. "Silence speaks a thousand words," I whispered bitterly. "Though maybe for once I'd like to hear you say something," I added with a sad smile. "Well, thank you for this audience, Masters." I hesitated and for a moment I considered bowing before them, but decided against it after all. So I simply turned around and was about to leave when a voice stopped me. "You have always been difficult." There was no anger in the voice, no irony, no disdain. It was just a statement, just an evaluation of my character and behaviour.

And it was highly amusing. I smiled and looked at Vrook over my shoulder. "You forgot impatient, arrogant and superior," I reminded him of our discussion on Dantooine. It was just something over a month ago, but it felt like ages. "And if I remember correctly, you weren't any nicer to me either."

"You were a Sith Lord."

Taking a slow breath I turned around again. "I _had been_ a Sith Lord. I _was_ just a soldier. With no memories of my true life. But you had too many grudges against me to realize that I had no idea what it all was about. That I had no idea what the interrogation was for. For almost two weeks I'd been trying my best to stay alive and find a way off Taris. I was tired, hurt and sick of everything. The only experience with the Order I had was my feeling of resentment towards it because of its idleness during the war. And you expected me to bow before you and treat you with a respect?"

"You brought it on yourself," he went on as if I hadn't said anything. "If you hadn't disobeyed our orders, none of this would have happened."

I shook my head again, feeling helpless. "And we're back where we started. The war," I said silently. "You know what? Maybe you're right," I said, conjuring confused expressions on their faces. "Maybe I should have never interfered. I should have let them invade our galaxy. Maybe it would have opened your eyes finally, though at the time it would have been already too late."

"What is it, Revan? Some kind of a game?" Atris asked.

I shook my head. Maybe Bastila was right. Maybe not. But if I were ever to tell them, or at least give them a hint, now was the best time. They were listening. I frowned slightly. "Let's say the war with the Sith is like a never-ending story. When you think all of them are gone, there is still one more to fight. One day they will be back. In a week, in a month, in three hundred years...who knows. But the Order must be ready. I beg you, make it be ready," I whispered and whirled around.

"Revan..." Zez-Kai started saying, but I cut him off with my back still to them. "No. I'm done talking. I'm done fighting a fight I can't win. Now it's finally your turn to take care about the Republic's safety. You have your warning. So act, goddamned!" With that I finally started climbing up the stairs leading from the Chamber. My steps were the only sound, since the councillors were quiet and waiting until I was gone before they would start their discussion. I was only hoping it would be fruitful.

I was surprised to find Jolee and Juhani waiting for me in the entrance hall. They quickly fell in line with me, each on one side, as soon as I appeared. "So how did it go?" Juhani asked.

"Better than I could have hoped for, but...," I admitted with a frown.

"But?" Jolee tried to encourage me to go on.

I stopped and frowned, looking over my shoulder as if I could see the councillors standing on the other side of the entrance hall. "I don't know. I feel drained. And would give up everything to be up there to listen to them now," I added and I approached the nearest column and leaned against it with my back. With heavy sigh I slid down slowly. Jolee and Juhani exchanged a quick look before joining me.

"What were you talking about?" Juhani asked silently.

"Well...a lot of things. The war, my friend's exile, me and my reprogramming...Raenah and Malak...stuff," I shrugged.

"Raenah?" Jolee asked. He sounded curious, but I didn't look at him to actually see his face. Instead, I leaned my head back until I touched the cold stone. "I convin..." I bit my lip, "I tried to convince them he was one of Malak's followers."

"Didn't they see through the lie?" Juhani wondered.

"I wasn't lying," I said with a soft smile. "Actually, I told them he was working for himself and...well...it was complicated. And they knew there was more to the story than I was letting on, but couldn't accuse me of anything."

"And the threat?" Juhani whispered.

"Yeah. I've...mentioned it, vaguely. I only hope they will get the message."

For a moment the hall fell silent. With my eyes closed I was listening to the faint sounds of the cheering outside and only after some time I realized I was smiling the whole time.

"Carth?" Jolee spoke up suddenly.

I frowned and looked at him. "Have you been rehearsing this interrogation while I was up?"

"What? We? No? What makes you think so?" he asked innocently and I had to smile. "No, we weren't talking about Carth. They don't know about him," I said and my smile grew broader. "But they will. I intend to keep him."

Jolee laid his hand on my shoulder gently. "It's nice to know despite the chaos you've managed to find each other."

I bit my lip and gave the old Jedi happy glance while covering his hand with mine. "It's been a bumpy ride though. You should have seen us back on Taris."

From my left I heard Juhani laugh softly. "Don't think we haven't talked to Mission. We know everything. "

"Gossips, Juhani?"

"Why not? How else do you want to fight with the cabin fever?" she asked and looked at me from the corner of her eye.

I narrowed my eyes slightly. "Well...you could have joined T3 on his occasional walks on the hulk of the ship."

"Thank you, Revan."

"I aim to please."

"Enough, ladies," Jolee stated firmly and stood up. He walked in front of us and offered each of us a hand to help us stand up too. "I'm sure they are waiting for us out there."

"Spoilsports," I mumbled when he pulled Juhani and me up. With him between us we slowly crossed the large hall and stepped into the sun outside. The wind had risen and was blowing gently against us. It was warm and pleasant, felt like a caress of a lover to me.

"Hey, isn't that Supreme Chancellor?" Juhani asked, looking down under the large stairs. The rest of the crew was there, standing next to few politicians, the Admiral and Chancellor himself indeed. It looked like he was having a speech; his arms were in the air as he was gesticulating wildly, and the crowd was silent, listening intently, but started screaming whenever he made a pause to take a breath.

"Yes, it's him," Jolee confirmed. "Let's go, they are probably waiting for us and the sooner we're down there, the sooner the ceremonial's over and we can go home," he said and I could feel his hand on the small of my back, gently pushing forward.

I smirked when we started walking down the large stairs. "It's going to be very dull."

"Yes, it is," the elder Jedi nodded. "Speeches and praises, mostly empty words."

I bit my lip. "Yeah, but we should be ready for it. After all, we all grew up in the order. Empty words are our speciality."

"Maybe yours," Jolee opposed me. "When I was young..."

"...and had your head full of hair, yeah, I think I've heard this one," I couldn't resist.

Juhani leaned back a little to look at me behind Jolee's back. "I believe I've heard it twice."

"Laugh it up, ladies," Jolee said calmly. "Especially you, lass. While we're going to stand together, I'm sure the Chancellor's going to invite you to stand next to him. Enjoy."

The more closer we were, the more faces were turned to us. First only people from the crowd noticed our presence, then a few politicians joined them, focusing their attention and questioning glances on us from time to time, and finally the crew started whispering about us as well. Carth sent me a bright smile and I couldn't help but respond in kind.

If the Supreme Chancellor noticed the commotion, he didn't show. Even after we joined the rest of the crew he went on with his in advance prepared speech.

"Finally you're back," Canderous growled. "That killer droid was insufferable."

"How so?" I asked.

"He wanted us to go after you to ensure your safety," Mission explained. "But he was strangely polite. Not even once he said anything about killing or eliminating anyone..." she shook her head and frowned slightly.

"How did it go?" Carth asked and tossed his head towards the Temple. "I thought you'd be there much longer."

I turned back to look at the middle spire where the Council had its seat, and was wondering if the councillors were standing behind the window, watching us while talking about how intolerable I had been. I smirked. "I'll tell you later," I promised and before I could add anything else, the crowd once again started hailing. The Chancellor was done with his speech finally. And when I looked at him, he was talking with Admiral Dodonna. Both of them had their eyes locked with mine to my deepest regrets.

Tol Cressa was just as old as most of senators and politicians were. But his eyes that were bearing into mine were full of joy and life. His tall figure, clad in loose ceremonial robes, turned to the Admiral when he softly talked to her, before he turned to the crowd and used his hands to silence them. "But enough of this clatter," he said in loud voice. "Now I finally have the honour to introduce you the hero and saviour of the Republic."

"Go," Jolee whispered behind me and I could feel his hand on my back, pushing me forward once more. I made a note to myself to kill him later when I walked towards the Chancellor. I was taken aback when he bowed before me as his greetings. I quickly followed suit and tried to ignore thousands of people watching us, especially people from holonet. In my mind it was just the two of us in small room, alone. "The honour is all mine," I said when I straightened and the echo of my own voice carrying on and on was highly disturbing the image in my head.

"Pray, excuse me, Master Jedi," he started slowly and this time I saved myself the trouble of trying to explain I was a mere Jedi Knight, "but I must say you're not what I expected. From the talk of you I thought you would be..."

"Taller?" I offered my usual response, though I was careful to say it politely, without any hint of annoyance.

"Man," he corrected me. It took me a second to realize it was just and act. He'd been told I was a woman and this was just for show. Maybe he wanted to be closer to his people by sharing their ignorance.

"I'm sorry to disappoint, Supreme Chancellor," I said and forced myself to smile.

He laughed. "I'm not disappointed at all. Quite the opposite," he smiled at me and then turned to the crowd again. He took a breath and went on with another prepared speech, this time about the short history of Malak's reign as the Sith Lord and mostly about how I managed to end the war. There was much more praise in his speech than I deserved and I was surprised to find the crowd cheering whenever he mentioned my name. It was unbelievable. They had been celebrating like that after the Mandalorian war, but that had been understandable.

When Alek and I had got off the ship it felt as if someone set off a bomb. People were screaming, laughing, cheering...welcoming us, thanking us and hailing to us. We were heroes and not former Sith Lords.

Shorty I allowed myself to look at my friends. And couldn't miss the smug smile on Jolee's face.

When the ceremony was over I had an award pinned on my chest and had nearly lost my hearing. With the promise to arrive to the celebration party the Chancellor finally let me go to my friends.

"Can we get out of here finally?" Carth asked me and watched Mission and Zaalbar already head to the ship.

I bit my lip and had to lean closer to him so that he could hear me over the celebrating people. "Could you wait for me for a moment? I...well…I need to do something first," I added and instead of explaining I simply looked Cedric's way.

Carth followed my gaze and when his eyes returned to mine there was surprise in them. "Are you sure?"

I nodded. "Bastila was right about the Council. Maybe she is right about him as well."

"We'll wait for you on the ship. Take your time," he nodded and smiled at me. His hand touched me gently on my arm for a moment before he stepped away from me and headed towards the Ebon Hawk.

I bit my lip again and took a breath while whirling around before I could change my mind. Cedric's grey eyes were already on me. Or more precisely _still_ on me. He was watching me all along the ceremony, but now when we made an eye contact his old eyes widened in surprise.

_Okay, it's time to let go..._ I thought and made the first step. It was the most difficult, but once I was in motion there was no stopping. Although there were just a few meters separating us, it seemed to take me ages to close the distance. With every step I felt younger and younger and when I finally approached him I felt like five years old again. The only thing missing was Skinny under my arm.

Swallowing the silly feeling I bowed slightly, making it look official in front of the press. And when I straightened I reflected how incredibly old he looked. Definitely older than he should. There were so many deep wrinkles on his face, mostly on his forehead and around eyes which were full of the same weariness I noticed back in Carth's flat a month ago. From this close I realized his eyes weren't only grey, but there were dark green spots around his pupils. "Senator Thaori," I said, not really sure what to add.

Hesitantly his lips moved upwards a little and he lifted his hand and moved it to touch me on my face. However the smile froze on his face when I backed away quickly, avoiding his reaching hand. "No touching," I blurted out. "I am willing to talk, but...don't touch me." Suddenly I felt my own hand wrap around my throat protectively.

He noticed the gesture and his features saddened. He dropped his eyes and pressed his fingers into them. "I am sorry, Raven, I am truly..."

"Don't call me that," I retorted. "Raven is dead, don't you remember? You threw her down the stairs."

For some reason I felt a slight stab of guilt when the old man closed his eyes and grimaced, his hands shaking. "I know nothing can take back what I've done, but you have to believe me I deeply regret it. It's not an excuse but...I was so drunk and didn't know what was doing."

"And I was five and didn't know why," I shot back. His head moved to the side quickly as if my words slapped him. The feeling of guilt grew stronger in me and I looked away from him. I frowned when I noticed the people from holonet were watching us with great interest. I shifted my weight, feeling very uncomfortable.

I cleared my throat to draw his attention back to me. "Senator Thaori," I said, putting my hands behind my back, "thank you for your precious time. I hope to have another chance to talk to you tonight."

Thought there was confusion written all over his features for a moment, he was quick to play along. "But of course, Master Jedi."

"Please, call me Revan," I said and paid him a soft smile. "For now, it would be my honour if I could give you a lift in my ship. It would be the least I could do for you to repay you for all you've done for Telos."

He frowned a little as if he couldn't believe his ears. I sensed his worries, so to make my point I motioned to the waiting Ebon Hawk. Her ramp was lowered, but there was no light coming from the cockpit.

"That's very kind of you, Mas...Revan." He bowed his head and in slow pace the two of us set off towards the ship.

"You don't have to do this," he started saying quietly. "I can tell my company is...unpleasant for you."

"Senator, please, I'm a Jedi. I can survive a minor inconvenience, you don't have to worry about me," I brushed him off. "But I don't have to see the video of me on the holonet the next day," I added in quieter voice.

"After you, Senator," I beckoned him to enter the ship when we arrived to it. He went inside slowly and I followed him.

Canderous lifted his eyes to us when we emerged in the main hold, but didn't make any comments. HK was there as well. He stood in the corridor to the cockpit and was watching Cedric with blazing eyes. I noticed the small gesture when his hands grasped his rifle more tightly, but I was glad didn't raise it to aim it at the politician. "Stand down, HK," I commanded. "And move out of the way. Go do something...hey, find Mission and ask her to upgrade your rifle," I said, hoping to please the droid.

"Statement: Do I have to ask the blue meatbag, Master?" he asked instead.

I rolled my eyes, ignoring Canderous' silent chuckle. "Yes, ask her. Very politely," I growled.

The droid moved away reluctantly. "As you wish, Master," he said in a slow voice, his displeasure evident. I waited until the droid disappeared in the corridor leading to Mission's quarters, before I turned to the Senator. I motioned to the cockpit and he nodded, going the way I pointed. In the cockpit he waited until I closed the door and took the pilot's seat, turning the ship on.

With hesitation he sat down in the co-pilot's seat, looking around. "You can pilot a ship?" he asked finally.

"Of course," I said without looking at him. "Where do you live?" I added after the ship got off the ground. I brought her between the spires of the Temple carefully, trying to glimpse what was happening in the Council Chambers. But it seemed the councillors were no longer in there. "Or better, if you know the coordinates, punch them in. I wouldn't know the address anyway," I added and Cedric moved slowly to oblige me. "You have a nice ship," he said after he was done.

I studied the map that showed me his place for a moment before I answered. "Yeah, she's my sweet girl, " I agreed and found I was much more comfortable talking with him about something else than us. "She's fastest ship in the Outer Rim."

"What's her name?"

"The Ebon Hawk."

Cedric frowned a little bit. "She's painted brown and white," he stated.

I shrugged. "I didn't give her the name." But as much as I didn't want, we had to talk about us. That was why we were here after all.

Carefully I joined the chain of other vessels, ships and speeders racing through the maze of Coruscant's highest skyscrapers. "So tell me," I started, trying my best to hide my anxiety, "what exactly happened after I ran away?"

From the corner of my eye I could see he looked at me quickly. "We...we followed you and were trying to find you. But...it was as if you vanished into thin air," he said in a weak, trembling voice. I couldn't decide if he was so nervous, or afraid of something.

I smirked. "Don't say. You were so boozed up I was wondering how you'd managed to walk up the stairs to my room."

"I...got sobered..." he mumbled. He bent his head now and looked at his hands in his lap. "I realized what I did was wrong and...I am so sorry," he added quietly, his eyes now on me again. "It was a mistake. All along it was a mistake. It wasn't your fault that your mother and I grew...distant...because of my work."

"No, it wasn't," I nodded. "I'm glad I could help you open your eyes," I said with a hint of irony in my voice.

"For months we were looking for you," he went on silently. "Republic soldiers searched everywhere on Telos in attempt to find you, but...eventually they told us the chances of finding you alive after so long were...almost zero."

"What did you tell them?" I wondered. "About why I ran away?"

He hesitated. "We said you tripped and fell down the stairs when you were trying to get away from me and your mother screaming at each other."

I couldn't help but raise my eyebrows at that. "And Morry?"

"She was..." he trailed off.

"What?"

"...on the roof."

I tore my eyes off the traffic and looked at the old men beside me. He shrugged. "I don't know why," he said as if he thought that was what my look was supposed to mean. "She never told me."

Focusing my attention on the traffic again, I bit my lip. "Roof was our place," I started explaining. "We were often up there, watching stars. I was dreaming about visiting them all and she was trying to protect me from you when you were out drinking. She was...intuitive," I mused and had to smile meekly.

There was a slight pause before he started speaking again. "She was crushed by your disappearance. But through all those years she was the only one believing you were still alive. She kept on saying you were fine and one day you'd return. When we wanted to move to Coruscant with your mother, she refused to let us sell the house, so she moved in, still repeating you would return and she would be there waiting for you."

"And she was right, you know?" I used the opportunity to speak when he took a breath. "I was...thirteen?" I wondered. "Doesn't matter. When I became a Padawan, I asked my Master if I could...well...take a few days off the training."

"How did you get to the Order, anyway?" he asked with interest. "And how did you get off Telos?"

I nodded once; it was my turn to tell my story. "Well, after what happened you can imagine I didn't get off unharmed. I remember blood in my mouth and my head hurt," I tried to remember. "Anyway, a young couple found me on the street and took me in. They nourished me back to health, but when they asked about me..." I shrugged, "I...refused to tell them where I lived. I even didn't want to tell them my name, that's why some of my friends call me Adrianne."

He nodded. "Dustil calls you Adrianne. I was wondering about it."

"Well, now you know," I said simply. "Anyway, I stayed with those people. They become my family and I grew to love them, just as they loved me. But about a year later, Ankara – that was Buddy's ship – was captured and the crew arrested."

"A-arrested?"

I blinked. "Eh, they were pirates and smugglers, I haven't told you yet?" I laughed. "It was a fateful day," I added. "There was a Jedi with the Republic soldiers. And so a few hours after that I was in the Temple, dressed in apprentice robes, being trained the ways of the Jedi," I finished my story. He didn't need to know I had disliked it at first. He didn't need to know that after some time the Council had decided to send me to Dantooine, hoping I'd find peace there. It had been Arren who helped me deal with everything. _But at the end, they took her from me as well,_ I thought with a deep frown. After they had exiled my Master, they tried to give me another, but I never accepted any of them. All those Jedi Masters were no more than mere teachers in my eyes, and they were all aware of this little fact.

"_You were Revan's Master?"_

_"No, I wasn't. As strangely as it might sound, Revan had no Master."_

The navigation computer beeped silently, bringing me back to present. We arrived at Cedric's place. "Well, I think our little chitchat is over," I said in a cold voice, after I landed in his own small hangar. "I guess I'll see you in the evening," I said instead goodbye.

He understood and stood up from the seat. "Yes, I'm...I'm looking forward to it," he nodded. "Could I ask you one more question before I go?"

I chewed on my lower lip for a few seconds, before answering. "Shoot."

"I am a public person," he started, "so are you right now. They're going to ask questions about why we were talking and why you took me to your ship."

"Tell them I was interested in my homeworld's condition after my former friend's tender care," I said immediately.

"I...I was hoping I could tell them I was greeting my daughter," he said so quietly I almost couldn't hear him.

"But I'm not your daughter," I said in an empty voice. And then I realized it was the first time I ever said it out loud. Through all the years I knew the truth, lived with it and tried to forget it, but never dared to admit it. But now it was out and nothing could take it back. It was a rather childish way of thinking, I knew, but I couldn't help myself.

When I didn't receive any response, I turned around in the seat to look at him. He appeared startled by my sudden movement, his eyes widened and his hands twitched, as if he hadn't expected me to look at him. "Cedric?"

He nodded and tried to smile at me, but his attempt turned out to be a woeful grimace instead. "O-of course. I wouldn't want to lie to anyone," he nodded and slowly turned around. With slightly hung head he left the cockpit and I let out a long breath, hiding my face in my palms, feeling incredibly miserable. After all, being tormented by your conscience was the worst punishment ever. I knew the torture very well myself.

With a quick motion I sprung to my feet and run from the cockpit. "Cedric!" I stopped him in the main hold. "You know what?" I asked him. "I'm a murderer. I killed and tortured people while being completely aware of it, and though I didn't take any pleasure from it I did it over and over again. My...my best friend is dead because of me, because I took him down him down with me and while I was able to survive, he was drowning, and I was too blind to see it and too slow to help him. And I did even far worse things, both to me and someone else. And despite it all...well, you saw the people outside. They didn't condemn me. They gave me a second chance knowing what monster I am."

Cedric's eyes lit with a strange gleam while I was speaking. A gleam of hope.

"If...if it makes you feel better tell them whatever you want...just don't touch me!" I added quickly when he made a move to me as if he...well...I had no idea what he'd wanted to do, but I didn't want him to do it anyway. "My point is: I can't judge you. I've done worse things. Let's...let's leave it at that...for now."

For the first time his smile was genuine and happy. "Not only you look exactly like your sister, you have just as gentle heart as she did. I...I was hoping you might say that, but really didn't believe you would."

I shrugged and shifted nervously. "Well...let's say I tend to do things no one expects I would. Just...well...I think you better go," I blurted out and turned on my heel, quickly returning to the cockpit. There I sat in the pilot's seat with a heavy sigh and hid my face in my palms.

I winced when I felt someone's hands on my shoulders. "Hey, shh, that's me," Carth whispered in my ear with a chuckle. "You're really something, you know that?" he added, sliding his hands down my arms.

"What do you mean?" I asked and turned the seat to face him.

He placed his hands on the armrests, leaning closer to me. "Not many people would do that."

I smiled meekly and shrugged. "He seemed really sorry for...for everything. He was so consumed by his guilt and..."

He grinned and finally closed the remaining distance between our faces, placing the softest of kisses on my lips. "And this is why I love you."

I smirked as well and quickly locked my hands behind his neck, not allowing him to pull away. "You're all talk and no..."

"See, Big'Z?" A voice from the door said, making Carth close his eyes and clench his teeth with annoyance, while I leaned to one side to look over his shoulder at the blue Twi'lek. She was watching her big furry friend, her hands folded over her chest. "I knew it was a good idea to let Dustil wait in the main hold. I think this sight would scar him for the rest of his life."

"How come you aren't scarred?" I narrowed my eyes at him when Carth gently disentangled from my embrace.

"I grew up on Taris," she reminded me and offered us a sweet smile, "I'm used to seeing horrific things."

"Careful there," Carth warned her, "remember in whose flat you're going to live."

Her smile grew even sweeter and she lifted one hand to play with her lekku. "You look good together. I mean it!" I she added after another look Carth gave her. Then he shook his head and passed her by.

"Hey, I really didn't want to jump on you two like that," she went on, apologetically, after he was gone, moving to seat in the co-pilot's seat.

I shrugged and turned back to the panel. "Better than if Dustil walked in on us," I uttered and lifted the girl off the ground. Slowly I made her spin around in the hangar before carefully leading her out of it.

...

_"Do you know what I see when I close my eyes?"_

_ "What?"_

_ "The storm, Alek…"_

_...  
><em>

I sensed him coming long before I heard him. His steps were light as usually, and he was humming his favourite song silently. He stopped however when he walked into the living room and spotted me sitting on the floor.

For some time he didn't move. And when I opened my eyes I saw him smiling at me. He was leaning against the doorframe, his jacket over his shoulder. I couldn't help but return the smile, while standing up. I walked to him and welcomed him home with a kiss. "How was your day?" I asked in quiet voice and was hoping the smile and casual behaviour would hide my true feelings.

"As usual. How about yours?" Carth asked and his arm wrapped around my waist to pull me closer for another kiss.

"Oh…fine, I'd say. I went to the Temple after so long. It felt weird to be there, but…" I shrugged and stepped away from him.

"Did they summon you?" he asked.

"No, I was just in the archives," _searching for Jaden,_ I explained and watched him throw his jacket on an armchair. He took me by my waist and silently led me out of the living room and into the Vaner's bedroom. Only there he let go of me and approached the cradle. I had to smile; watching them together was the most beautiful sight ever. _If only it could last forever_, I thought wistfully.

"Why?" he whispered, leaning above his son. "Were you trying to find out anything about the dreams?"

"No," I waved my hand. "It's just a storm, it doesn't have any meaning," I lied. He looked at me for a second and I could tell that he – as usually – didn't buy it. Nevertheless, he didn't press the matter. Instead he nodded and joined my side again, leading me out of the bedroom.

Just as the door closed behind us, my comlink ringed. I covered the device with my hand immediately to muffle the sound, but didn't answer it. I knew it was from Canderous, which meant I couldn't answer his call in front of Carth.

My eyes raced to him to catch him with a sad smile on his lips. "You're not going to pick it up?" he asked.

I shook my head. "No. What if it's the Council?" I asked and turned off the sound finally. "I've had an unpleasant argument with Atris today," I offered as an explanation, but Carth knew better.

He nodded. "Where's T3?" he asked suddenly and I cocked my head to one side. "In the kitchen. Why?"

"I need his help," he said simply and brought me closer for one last kiss. Without any other word he left me alone in the room.

I sighed. _You'll have to tell him one day,_ I thought when I looked at the comlink. _He doesn't deserve that you leave him without a word._ _He needs to know you're doing it for him and for Vaner._ In slow motion, I activated it.

* * *

><p>The end.<p>

So, I would like to thank you all for reading and following my story and of course, for giving me your thoughts on it, and I hope you all found something you liked. It's been a great year (wow...that long? :D) and althought sometimes it wasn't easy to find the right words and I know the story still has some space for improvement (what? Grammer and spelling? what is it? :D), I really enjoyed writing it, partly because of you and your support :)


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